"Gamer Crates" are the most pathetic things I have ever seen.

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > "Gamer Crates" are the most pathetic things I have ever seen.

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Thirsty Girl: Dec 5, 2015

Wall Balls posted:

that t-shirt was a stunner

angry off brand minecraft hulk man fan art gets me hard

# ? May 14, 2016 15:43

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# ? Jun 10, 2024 05:13

Nirvikalpa: Aug 20, 2012; by Fluffdaddy

JediTalentAgent posted:

In another thread of this sort I mentioned the old grab bags that a lot of stores in our region used to do: Brown paper bags that you didn't know what would be in, marked with a flat price, and they usually sold pretty well no matter the price.

It's a thing I've actually NOT seen in recent years and I don't know why. Maybe it's better to just junk expiring/unpopular goods or sell them off as single items, if there were some sort of retail laws that prevented stores from selling unmarked goods like that without some sort of generalized/specific description of contents, the rise of mega-stores and the death of small retailers where such action just isn't popular, etc.

The sort of grab bags I see anymore seem to all be sort of the 'crate' products that can probably be just specific enough in description for consumer purposes, or things like comic book grab bags that make no other promise than "3 comics for $5. Original MSRP over $10!" Along those lines, there used to be a few companies that sold random 5-100 back issue grab bag/boxes online (and even in stores) for pretty reasonable prices.

I know Lolita fashion items come in grab bags and you can get $250 worth of clothes for $150. Yay!!!!

# ? May 14, 2016 16:03

Bored: Jul 26, 2007; Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

FlimFlam Imam posted:

God drat that's a loving annoying video. Just open the box and dump the poo poo out.

# ? May 14, 2016 16:32

Mozi: Apr 4, 2004; Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die; Nap Ghost

DumpBox

i take a dump in a box and send it to you. 29.99/mo

# ? May 14, 2016 16:34

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Disgusting Coward posted:

It is hilarious to me how Ashens is just some tedious middle-class weiner but because he sounds posh and talks slowly Americans are convinced he's this scathing and witty dude.

SEE ALSO: Stephen Fry, David Mitchell.

Ashens should guest star on Qi

# ? May 14, 2016 16:52

Young Freud: Nov 26, 2006

PBS Newshour posted:

idea to make a lot of money: a trading card game where the instead of going out and buying boosters you get a box each month filled with random cards and in the first month you get a "core deck" box

I'd love a tabletop/RPG box of the month. Have DriveThruRPG do some print-on-demand of books and deliver them to you. I'd take a new corebook of something I've never heard of with along with the various detritus of Chris Fields' tentacle rape abortionpunk oeuvre, just as long as the ratio of good stuff to crap is good.

JediTalentAgent posted:

LewdCrate: A box of porno DVDs.

While grab bags have vanished from corner stores, porn shops still have grab bags of porn magazines and DVDs. I remember buying one of those when I was cheap and lonely and the experience was something: it was a bunch of British split-beaver books and contact magazines from ten years back. All the jokes were about the then-recently-opened Chunnel.

# ? May 14, 2016 17:30

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

Aw man, I thought this thread was going to be about crating gamers

# ? May 14, 2016 18:00

Falun Bong Refugee: Dec 14, 2015; by FactsAreUseless

I don't get it. Why? Why would anybody build that? It serves no purpose.

# ? May 14, 2016 18:01

Teriyaki Hairpiece: Dec 29, 2006; I'm nae the voice o' the darkened thistle, but th' darkened thistle cannae bear the sight o' our Bonnie Prince Bernie nae mair.

Falun Bong Refugee posted:

I don't get it. Why? Why would anybody build that? It serves no purpose.

No one can hurt me in my gaming fort.

# ? May 14, 2016 18:05

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

Falun Bong Refugee posted:

I don't get it. Why? Why would anybody build that? It serves no purpose.

I honestly don't know. Maybe it's just a roomier version of these?

# ? May 14, 2016 18:06

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

The_Franz posted:

You can also just go to the dollar store and pay $5 for your $5 worth of junk instead of a 400% markup to have someone put it in a box.

the exploitation of nerds is what makes it good tho

# ? May 14, 2016 18:08

Falun Bong Refugee: Dec 14, 2015; by FactsAreUseless

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

I honestly don't know. Maybe it's just a roomier version of these?

Why did you have to show me this exists? I was perfectly fine before that.

# ? May 14, 2016 18:10

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

The_Franz posted:

You can also just go to the dollar store and pay $5 for your $5 worth of junk instead of a 400% markup to have someone put it in a box.

It'd be pretty annoying trying to film an unboxing video at the dollar store, especially if the dollar store man wouldn't let you recharge your phone if the battery was running low and you couldn't finish the video. No to mention all the poo poo there isn't even in boxes most of the time.

# ? May 14, 2016 18:11

Mozi: Apr 4, 2004; Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die; Nap Ghost

better 'gamer crates' idea: 100 bucks a month gets you a live gamer sent in a crate with some air holes (ground delivery only) (living not guaranteed)

# ? May 14, 2016 18:20

Tuxedo Gin: May 21, 2003; Classy.

the point is it isnt just a box of junk

it's a curated box of junk

# ? May 14, 2016 18:21

Fire Barrel: Mar 28, 2010

Tuxedo Gin posted:

the point is it isnt just a box of junk

it's a curated box of junk

I think that's my issue with this stuff. Don't let others decide what junk you want to get, do it yourself! Willingly paying to let someone else have that decision making power instead of you seems dumb, even for something so trivial as grab bags of miscellaneous junk. It's a trend that goes beyond these lovely nerd boxes too.

# ? May 14, 2016 18:31

Tuxedo Gin: May 21, 2003; Classy.

but who are we to decided what is cool and interesting to us

better leave that kind of thing to someone with the proper credentials

# ? May 14, 2016 18:35

Falun Bong Refugee: Dec 14, 2015; by FactsAreUseless

Tuxedo Gin posted:

but who are we to decided what is cool and interesting to us

better leave that kind of thing to someone with the proper credentials

I am. I know what's cool. Because I am.

# ? May 14, 2016 18:37

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

ANIME IS BLOOD posted:

arbc if you sent me 20$ a month and I sent you a PM of random gifs or maybe just goatse you'd be getting better value out of that than this crap

now there's an idea

In case you're struggling with basic reading comprehension i've never ordered one of these crates because of how bad of a deal they are i could just see why the concept is a bit appealing just not when its random adventure time plushies and shirts. I could see like a dnd one where you get random sourcebooks and dice or a mtg one or even one with random steam keys or something being kinda of novel but all the ones ive seen are total junk.

Im sure there's be some way for a place to combine misc overstock along a theme or hobby into a box that was actually a good deal for someone into that but all of these are boredline scams.

# ? May 14, 2016 18:57

Nessa: Dec 15, 2008

Mystery boxes have become quite popular lately. When I worked at HMV, we had a bunch of boxed mystery figures. I ended up getting a few of them, but my coworkers bought out most of our stock of the DC superhero Domo figures, hoping to get the rare ones.

I get Kinder Eggs sometimes though, especially when they're doing a Disney thing.. They're cheap and I like the chocolate.

# ? May 14, 2016 19:36

Ka0: Sep 16, 2002; AS A PROUD GAMERGATER THE ONLY THING I HATE MORE THAN WOMEN ARE GAYS AND TRANS PEOPLE

I got a jelly of the month club membership from my boss on christmas.

# ? May 14, 2016 20:25

Heath: Apr 30, 2008; 🍂🎃🏞️💦

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

Aw man, I thought this thread was going to be about crating gamers

I'm the wet spots on the floor

# ? May 14, 2016 20:26

coolskull: Nov 11, 2007

ArbitraryC posted:

or even one with random steam keys

humble bundle does that now, 15 bucks a month for "curated" game keys

# ? May 14, 2016 20:32

Snooze Cruise: Feb 16, 2013; hey look,
a post

8-Bit Scholar posted:

hey, David Mitchell is exactly as posh as he sounds

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeiJDpK1rxc

# ? May 14, 2016 20:34

Justin Tyme: Feb 22, 2011

mystery grab bags are still a thing at sex toy stores and is a fun activity to do with your significant other

# ? May 14, 2016 20:44

Worldshatter: May 7, 2015; PEPSI for TV-GAME

Heath posted:

I'm the wet spots on the floor

well they're more crusty and dried by this stage

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

I honestly don't know. Maybe it's just a roomier version of these?

I don't think there's anything on the planet you could be looking at that would make you seem more retarded than the fact you owned one of them.

# ? May 14, 2016 20:48

Michaellaneous: Oct 30, 2013

CelticPredator posted:

M-m-m-money shot!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTql3yGpCDI

I unironically enjoy iDubbbz

# ? May 14, 2016 21:13

END OF AN ERROR: May 16, 2003; IT'S LEGO, not Legos. Heh

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

Aw man, I thought this thread was going to be about crating gamers

Oh god imagine the smell

# ? May 14, 2016 21:18

chernobyl kinsman: Mar 18, 2007; a friend of the friendly atom; Soiled Meat

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

this is like if beksinsky launched a streetwear line

chernobyl kinsman fucked around with this message at 21:32 on May 14, 2016

# ? May 14, 2016 21:30

Dreddout: Oct 1, 2015; You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

I honestly don't know. Maybe it's just a roomier version of these?

Sweet! Now I can browse Redtube on the bus!

# ? May 14, 2016 22:04

Michaellaneous: Oct 30, 2013

Dreddout posted:

Sweet! Now I can browse Redtube on the bus!

You didn't until now? :confused:

# ? May 14, 2016 22:19

CelticPredator: Oct 11, 2013; 🍀👽🆚🪖🏋

Michaellaneous posted:

I unironically enjoy iDubbbz

iDubbbz owns.

# ? May 14, 2016 22:24

a hole-y ghost: May 10, 2010

Falun Bong Refugee posted:

I don't get it. Why? Why would anybody build that? It serves no purpose.

private jo sesh

# ? May 14, 2016 22:26

Young Freud: Nov 26, 2006

Falun Bong Refugee posted:

I don't get it. Why? Why would anybody build that? It serves no purpose.

There's an appeal for the more :spergin:

gamer of having a simulator setup for maximum immersion. If you look at that first one, it's got a car seat and driving wheel, so it's obvious this is a guy whose really into racing games. The Star Citizen thread is loaded of piss-poor examples of guys with commander's chairs and their HOTAS rigged up to some wooden platform nailed to a desk chair. If it wasn't for the wheel, that thing would fit right in that thread.

# ? May 14, 2016 22:43

Mad Hamish: Jun 15, 2008; WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING IN LIFE.

Falun Bong Refugee posted:

I don't get it. Why? Why would anybody build that? It serves no purpose.

It's a masturbatorium.

# ? May 14, 2016 22:46

Shaquin: May 12, 2007

ya let me give a poo poo what anyone is spending 20 dollars a month on actually nope terrible plan ill see you all in the deeps

# ? May 14, 2016 22:47

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

Young Freud posted:

There's an appeal for the more gamer of having a simulator setup for maximum immersion. If you look at that first one, it's got a car seat and driving wheel, so it's obvious this is a guy whose really into racing games.

He also installed all the pedals