The Vosgian Beast posted:

Did I ever tell you about the man who taught his rear end in a top hat to talk? His whole abdomen would move up and down you dig farting out the words. It was unlike anything I ever heard.

This rear end talk had sort of a gut frequency. It hit you right down there like you gotta go. You know when the old colon gives you the elbow and it feels sorta cold inside, and you know all you have to do is turn loose? Well this talking hit you right down there, a bubbly, thick stagnant sound, a sound you could smell.

This man worked for a carnival you dig, and to start with it was like a novelty ventriliquist act. Real funny, too, at first. He had a number he called “The Better ‘Ole” that was a scream, I tell you. I forget most of it but it was clever. Like, “Oh I say, are you still down there, old thing?”

“Nah I had to go relieve myself.”

After a while the rear end start talking on its own. He would go in without anything prepared and his rear end would ad-lib and toss the gags back at him every time.

Then it developed sort of teeth-like little raspy in-curving hooks and started eating. He thought this was cute at first and built an act around it, but the rear end in a top hat would eat its way through his pants and start talking on the street, shouting out it wanted equal rights. It would get drunk, too, and have crying jags nobody loved it and it wanted to be kissed same as any other mouth. Finally it talked all the time day and night, you could hear him for blocks screaming at it to shut up, and beating it with his fist, and sticking candles up it, but nothing did any good and the rear end in a top hat said to him: “It’s you who will shut up in the end. Not me. Because we dont need you around here any more. I can talk and eat and poo poo.”

After that he began waking up in the morning with a transparent jelly like a tadpole’s tail all over his mouth. This jelly was what the scientists call un-D.T., Undifferentiated Tissue, which can grow into any kind of flesh on the human body. He would tear it off his mouth and the pieces would stick to his hands like burning gasoline jelly and grow there, grow anywhere on him a glob of it fell. So finally his mouth sealed over, and the whole head would have have amputated spontaneous except for the eyes you dig. Thats one thing the rear end in a top hat couldn’t do was see. It needed the eyes. But nerve connections were blocked and infiltrated and atrophied so the brain couldn’t give orders any more. It was trapped in the skull, sealed off. For a while you could see the silent, helpless suffering of the brain behind the eyes, then finally the brain must have died, because the eyes went out, and there was no more feeling in them than a crab’s eyes on the end of a stalk.

Parallel Paraplegic posted:

I love this copypasta thing and read it all every time I see it

Parallel Paraplegic posted:

I love this copypasta thing and read it all every time I see it

Cardboard Box A posted:

http://fusion.net/story/261690/alt-right-angry-birds-movie-theory-8chan-4chan/

The Vosgian Beast posted:

Pax Dickinson must be kicking himself for abandoning the Duck Enlightenment thing right now

TinTower posted:

TinTower posted:

Tesseraction posted:

At some point I wonder if they're being satirical or not.

Parallel Paraplegic posted:

I mean it's the same people who made "rare pepes" a meme, who then proceed to actually post pepes for every thread.

Small Frozen Thing posted:

Source your quotes.

neonnoodle posted:

I was unaware until now of the U.S. military's policy of mandatory gay marriage.

Maybe the real gays are the comradery we built along the way posted:

the military is INCREDIBLY apparently-gay. The Marines (my main point of experience) are the gayest heterosexual organization ever to exist - to the point we have the phrase 'it’s not gay if you’re wearing bootbands’, which means if you’re in uniform, basically anything short of actual penetrative sex is considered not-gay. Groping anywhere not the crotch is considered completely acceptable with 90% of friends, both above and below clothing, though it’s always masked as a joke.

Parallel Paraplegic posted:

Doesn't part of hazing new guys on a ship in the navy involve coating the captain's belly with shaving cream and having them bury their face in it or some bizarre bullshit like that?

Lottery of Babylon posted:

NEVER JOIN THE MILITARY

Do you really want to defend this multicultural system? The military is intended to promote larger global alliances; while a militia is organized to promote the local security of particular citizens. Armed conflicts are always manipulated to expand multinational control, not to ensure the survival of unique ethic groups. The military exists to expand diversity.

Do you want to be part of some grotesque social experiment? Whenever some liberal wants to inflict some cultural change upon society, the humanitarian will try it upon the soldiers first. Whether it is gay marriage or transsexuals in the shower stalls, the altruists will force it upon the military first. The American army has become just some Marxist laboratory.

neonnoodle posted:

I was unaware until now of the U.S. military's policy of mandatory gay marriage.

Lottery of Babylon posted:

NEVER JOIN THE MILITARY

Do you really want to defend this multicultural system? The military is intended to promote larger global alliances; while a militia is organized to promote the local security of particular citizens. Armed conflicts are always manipulated to expand multinational control, not to ensure the survival of unique ethic groups. The military exists to expand diversity.

Do you want to be part of some grotesque social experiment? Whenever some liberal wants to inflict some cultural change upon society, the humanitarian will try it upon the soldiers first. Whether it is gay marriage or transsexuals in the shower stalls, the altruists will force it upon the military first. The American army has become just some Marxist laboratory.

divabot posted:

Jack points out at length how the neoreactionaries are actually asking a lot of the right questions, just coming up with completely ridiculous answers.)

divabot posted:

In case you were wondering whatever happened to Anissimov *, he's on Twitter expressing his disappointment at a Hitler apologist being kicked off YouTube.

* nobody ever wondered whatever happened to Anissimov

The Vosgian Beast posted:

https://twitter.com/St_Rev/status/719513006212804608

The Vosgian Beast posted:

https://twitter.com/St_Rev/status/719513006212804608

The Vosgian Beast posted:

https://twitter.com/St_Rev/status/719513006212804608

neonnoodle posted:

These idiots honestly don't understand the distinction between the bourgeoisie and the petite bourgeoisie.

Polybius91 posted:

More to the point, why would the left want them to adopt ruling-class behavior? The left tends to loving hate the ruling class.

Curvature of Earth posted:

Okay, you have five seconds to think of the worst possible mismatch between Nazism apologetics and religion.

Did you think of the same thing I did?








(source 1, source 2)

The world is a terrible place and I'm ashamed of my heritage just by association with this man.