Ellen Degeneres: Horizons - AI Now Earns More Than Human Crew

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Surprise Giraffe: Apr 30, 2007; 1 Lunar Road
Moon crater
The Moon

Modded clippers look glorious. 500m/s boost, 1.6k shields, 900 armour and big capacitor/pg boosts, that's gotta be a beast. I imagine you can do much the same/better with FAS/FDL

# ? Jun 1, 2016 13:34

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# ? May 29, 2024 17:41

Shadow_333: May 2, 2016

Helter Skelter posted:

That doesn't necessarily mean it was modded. The Courier is super sensitive to weight while a Vulture with A-rated engines isn't. The Vulture isn't that much slower to begin with and is often (slightly) faster if the Courier has more than a bare minimum of equipment.

An A-rated Vulture could hit almost 400 boost speed, at least before 2.1 hit. (if i remember correctly)
The distributor also allowed it to boost continuously.

# ? Jun 1, 2016 14:06

3 Action Economist: May 22, 2002; Educate. Agitate. Liberate.

Shadow_333 posted:

An A-rated Vulture could hit almost 400 boost speed, at least before 2.1 hit. (if i remember correctly)
The distributor also allowed it to boost continuously.

Yeah I get to about 395 or so in mine without mods, and I never stop boosting.

# ? Jun 1, 2016 14:12

Bhodi: Dec 9, 2007; Oh, it's just a cat.; Pillbug

Nice piece of fish posted:

I will have fond memories of my conda for a long time. Hope to come back to it once the game is good (and I have VR).

If you aren't willing to spend hours/days jumping from sun to sun to get to an arbitrary point outside the galaxy to find that perfect screenshot, or spend hours/days sitting at once place scanning and then tagging enemies that are being fired on to the tune of ~1m credits per hour, you aren't going to suddenly enjoy doing these things in VR.

VR is really cool but wanes real fast. After 30 mins and docking a few times and walking around the cabin you realize you've done all you can do and VR doesn't make up for lack of gameplay.

# ? Jun 1, 2016 17:10

TehSaurus: Jun 12, 2006

So I bought this game on sale for like $10 over Christmas or something. Basically because I got to muck around with it using my bud's DK2 for like half an hour ages ago and being seriously blown away. Since then I've only done a few of the training missions, but finally my Rift and HOTAS have come in and I'm going to space goddamnit.

Reading the last dozen or so pages, it sounds like my experience with the early game might be really bad/mediocre/impossible without Horizons, but it's really not clear. Do I straight up need Horizons to enjoy the early game or will I be able to putt around and do space missions? I don't have any problem buying it if I need it, but I was sort of planning on buying it later after I'd at least started the base game.

# ? Jun 1, 2016 19:37

Lima: Jun 17, 2012

TehSaurus posted:

So I bought this game on sale for like $10 over Christmas or something. Basically because I got to muck around with it using my bud's DK2 for like half an hour ages ago and being seriously blown away. Since then I've only done a few of the training missions, but finally my Rift and HOTAS have come in and I'm going to space goddamnit.

Reading the last dozen or so pages, it sounds like my experience with the early game might be really bad/mediocre/impossible without Horizons, but it's really not clear. Do I straight up need Horizons to enjoy the early game or will I be able to putt around and do space missions? I don't have any problem buying it if I need it, but I was sort of planning on buying it later after I'd at least started the base game.

Go for it if/when you have a good grasp of the mostly non-intuitive mechanics and 80ies headcannon. The learning curve is steep enough without the added systems from the newest content updates.

# ? Jun 1, 2016 19:46

TehSaurus: Jun 12, 2006

Lima posted:

Go for it if/when you have a good grasp of the mostly non-intuitive mechanics and 80ies headcannon. The learning curve is steep enough without the added systems from the newest content updates.

I'm going to take this as confirmation that the onboarding experience isn't immediately and perpetually getting blown away/ganked by lovely cheating AI.

Thanks!

# ? Jun 1, 2016 19:55

Tikal: Nov 14, 2008

Scott Manley, where are thou!?

# ? Jun 1, 2016 20:06

Vorlonesque: Sep 18, 2005; Killing planets since 1876

So I've been playing a bit in my upgraded Freagle and the new AI is weird in that I have no problems taking down a high ranked Viper (its not as easy as it was, but the odds are in my favor), high ranked Cobras and Asps and Diamondbacks are trickier but they generally go down after an interesting or long fight...but loving high ranked Sidewinders and Eagles seem to push my poo poo in and usually always have some nasty upgrades. I had a Sidewinder take down my shields right away with something and it started going for subsystems while managing to outturn my Eagle sometimes and I finally had to flee after killing a a Cobra or two and Viper and helping finish off a Python at the compromised nav beacon at Ngaliba.

I really don't mind the increased difficulty, but it is sort of weird the way it works (oh yeah I'll pick a fight with an Asp or an FAS, but gently caress those Sidewinders...they mean business). I also feel they should probably up the amount you make for these fights given that they are challenging now (I sort of feel that way about most activities tbh and I don't even give a gently caress about bigger ships or "end game" bullshit...right now it feels like there isn't much reward for doing poo poo and you never have any impact on anything no matter what you do). I love the combat right now and I'm new and living it with the Vive, but I can see where I'll probably reach a point where I'm done.

Edit: both the Eagle and Sidewinder fights were a while ago and I wonder if (given the recent changes they made that I didn't know about) I've been unnecessarily avoiding Sidewinder fights. If the game accidentally conditioned me to fear Sidewinders...that would be hilarious.

Vorlonesque fucked around with this message at 22:17 on Jun 1, 2016

# ? Jun 1, 2016 21:58

Dante80: Mar 23, 2015

quote:

Hey guys,

We wanted to share a quick update with you to let you know how the investigation into the NPC AI has been progressing after the removal of the Engineers weapons for the NPCs and what the next steps are.

The development team have been hard at work investigating these bugs. To give you a little more information, it appears that the unusual weapons attacks were caused by some form of networking issue which allowed the NPC AI to merge weapon stats and abilities. Meaning that all new and never before seen (sometimes devastating) weapons were created, such as a rail gun with the fire rate of a pulse laser. These appear to have been compounded by the additional stats and abilities of the engineers weaponry. (We don�t think the AI became sentient in a Skynet-style uprising! ). However, the valiant Mark Allen from the Development team has managed to terminate these NPCs in their tracks.

The bug fix is expected to go live in our next point release which is planned for the end of this week/early next week but we�ll have more news on the exact time in the normal patch notes forum.

I would just like to take this opportunity to clarify a few misconceptions. The AI has in no way been reduced, it remains the glorious, improved version from the update. The only action that we�ve taken so far has been to remove the engineer weapons to allow us to investigate the issue and address a key bug. Once this bug fix goes live we�ll be able to see how the AI is performing and then, over time, should we feel that the balancing is right to introduce a very select few high end engineers weapons to the highest ranked NPCs we will investigate that option. However, that won�t be immediately as we want to ensure that the balance is just right.

Edit: Please note this point update will be PC specific and the Xbox One update will need to follow after. We'll let you know as soon as we have more information.

https://forums.frontier.co.uk/showthread.php?t=258662

Dante80 fucked around with this message at 23:11 on Jun 1, 2016

# ? Jun 1, 2016 23:07

Dante80: Mar 23, 2015

quote:

Given the speculation about what might be causing this bug, and what it means for the game - I thought I'd clarify a few things on the technical side . Sadly it wasn't as simple a change as an un-initialised or out of range value, my head would be a lot less hurty this week if it had been!

So, to try and explain. The data for a module in Elite is split up into a set of blocks: things like power consumption, vulnerability to overheating, health, and of particular interest in this case, Weapon data. Weapon data is about 40-50 values controlling everything from the more obvious rate of fire & range, to slightly obscure things like how fast the beam fades after you release the trigger. More or less any combination of values is allowed (you want a laser shotgun? sure, take a pulse laser and set the Rounds Per Shot value to 12). This flow is identical between players and npcs, even stations and skimmers actually.

Prior to 1.6/2.1 the cached pointer each weapon held to its data was a simple affair pointing at a bit of data loaded from resources, but as part of the changes to make items modifiable I had to change this so it could also be a pointer to a block of data constructed from a base item plus a set of modifiers - ideally without the code reading that data caring (or even knowing) where it actually came from and therefore not needing to be rewritten to cope. This all works great in theory, and then in practice, up until a few naughty NPC's got into the mix and decided to make a mess. I'll gloss over a few details here, but the important information is that a specific sequence of events relating to how NPCs transfer authority from one players' machine to another, combined with some performance optimisations and an otherwise minor misunderstanding on my part of one of the slightly obscure networking functions got the weapon into an odd state. The NPC's weapon which should have been a railgun and had all the correct data for a railgun, but the cached pointer to its weapon data was pointing somewhere else. Dangling pointers aren't all that uncommon (and other programmers may know the pains they can cause!) but in this case the slightly surprising thing was that it would always be a pointer to a valid WeaponData - It's correct enough that it'd never have tripped any of the sanity checks or asserts that something was wrong, and yet.. clearly it's not right either!

What did this do exactly? Well in that example the weapon would have thought it was a slugshot: it'd make decisions on ammo, when to fire, how much power to consume and heat to generate as if it were a slugshot. It then tells the game to fire 12 shots but now we're outside the areas that use the cached data, the weapon manager knows its a railgun and dutifully fires 12 railgun shots . Depending on which machine this occurred on exactly it would either be as a visual artefact only that does no damage, or (more rarely but entirely possible) the weapon would actually fire 12 shots and carve a burning trail of death through the space in front of it. The hilarious part (for people not being aimed at) is that the bug can potentially cause hybrids of almost any two weapons... In my testing I've seen cases of railguns firing like slugshots, cannons firing as fast as multicannons, or my favourite absurd case of a Huge Plasma Accelerator firing every frame because it thought it was a beam laser... Ouch.

Why does this never occur on players? Well AI and players aren't governed by different rules in combat - but one thing AI's do that players never do is transfer authority between machines (it's rather hard to move out of range of yourself after all), which is the trigger at the heart of this bug. Removing modified weapons from NPCs earlier in the week will have reduced the frequency of the problem as it's more-or-less tied to how many modified weapons are in the session, the fix included in the build Zac mentioned coming soon should stamp it the rest of the way out. With the usual caveat of programmers: I fixed the problem I found, can't promise it's the last one!

Much as I love the insane weapons, and part of me likes having the proof that actually the system is hugely flexible... lets add them when we mean to next time! er... Sorry

-Mark

https://forums.frontier.co.uk/showthread.php?t=256993&page=4&p=4002121#post4002121

# ? Jun 1, 2016 23:13

timn: Mar 16, 2010

I'm enjoying every part of the ongoing story about this bug. Hopefully reading the background info will help people unfamiliar with software development understand why crazy poo poo like this can happen and that Frontier is not in fact completely incompetent.

It's also cool to hear how modular the weapons framework actually is. I want shotgun versions of literally everything.

# ? Jun 1, 2016 23:43

3 Action Economist: May 22, 2002; Educate. Agitate. Liberate.

timn posted:

I'm enjoying every part of the ongoing story about this bug. Hopefully reading the background info will help people unfamiliar with software development understand why crazy poo poo like this can happen and that Frontier is not in fact completely incompetent.

It's also cool to hear how modular the weapons framework actually is. I want shotgun versions of literally everything.

My favorite was the guy who posted about how cool it would be if, when you have a broken cockpit, the sun isn't diffused, but only in the place with cracks. When I said "I think that would take quite a lot of math in the code and rendering that would make it near impossible" he said "They can just program it in!"

# ? Jun 1, 2016 23:55

IAmTheRad: Dec 11, 2009; Goddammit this Cello is way out of tune!

Colonial Air Force posted:

My favorite was the guy who posted about how cool it would be if, when you have a broken cockpit, the sun isn't diffused, but only in the place with cracks. When I said "I think that would take quite a lot of math in the code and rendering that would make it near impossible" he said "They can just program it in!"

I also loved how people said "Well if they just port the game engine over to Unreal Engine, it should take them a month tops." for a different game.

Sure, a completely custom engine ported over to UE.

# ? Jun 1, 2016 23:59

Akion: May 7, 2006; Grimey Drawer

Colonial Air Force posted:

My favorite was the guy who posted about how cool it would be if, when you have a broken cockpit, the sun isn't diffused, but only in the place with cracks. When I said "I think that would take quite a lot of math in the code and rendering that would make it near impossible" he said "They can just program it in!"

I didn't know my boss played Elite...

# ? Jun 2, 2016 00:01

Dreadwroth: Dec 12, 2009; by R. Guyovich

Holy poo poo that bug is amazing, how did they even get the game to do that? They might want to keep it around for hivemind aliens maybe.

# ? Jun 2, 2016 00:07

3 Action Economist: May 22, 2002; Educate. Agitate. Liberate.

IAmTheRad posted:

I also loved how people said "Well if they just port the game engine over to Unreal Engine, it should take them a month tops." for a different game.

Sure, a completely custom engine ported over to UE.

C'mon, guys, programming is easy, just learn Javascript!

# ? Jun 2, 2016 00:12

Complaint Compilation: Apr 8, 2016

FronzelNeekburm posted:

Right after a big patch is always an awkward time to start, so maybe give Frontier some time to patch bugs before trying to dive in too deeply.

I didn't think about that. True. For all my bitching it seems like ED is the foundation for a great space game, just the mission stuff needs tweaking?
Here's hoping the next game swerve adds pvp interaction oter than shooting.

Complaint Compilation fucked around with this message at 02:25 on Jun 2, 2016

# ? Jun 2, 2016 02:21

BogDew: Jun 14, 2006; E:\FILES>quickfli clown.fli

My angst has been somewhat abated by unlocking a pulse laser mount that adds some sort of electrical charge to the gun that seems to end shields pretty quickly.

The looting system is a bit of a mixed bag. On one hand you get a ton of loot fairly quickly from USS and even a threat 1 usually spits out something that's soft enough to chew on for parts... but the other results in a ton of grind, namely stuff like arsenic.

Though the idea of an expanded FSD combined with a boost looks potentially amusing...50ly+ jumps.

# ? Jun 2, 2016 05:04

Shadow_333: May 2, 2016

WebDog posted:

My angst has been somewhat abated by unlocking a pulse laser mount that adds some sort of electrical charge to the gun that seems to end shields pretty quickly.

The looting system is a bit of a mixed bag. On one hand you get a ton of loot fairly quickly from USS and even a threat 1 usually spits out something that's soft enough to chew on for parts... but the other results in a ton of grind, namely stuff like arsenic.

Though the idea of an expanded FSD combined with a boost looks potentially amusing...50ly+ jumps.

Several of the more rare metals can also be found mining rocks. Mining laser, collector limpets, and collector controller. You do not need to process the mining fragments to get the materials, so a refinery is not needed for that part.Just shoot the rocks, and limpets will pick up the few materials that drop.

# ? Jun 2, 2016 06:40

IAmTheRad: Dec 11, 2009; Goddammit this Cello is way out of tune!

is meant to give people something for their special day.

I got nothing. Not even a crummy coupon. I mean I wouldn't use a coupon, but it's still the thought that should count.

# ? Jun 2, 2016 07:04

Mimesweeper: Mar 11, 2009; Smellrose

drat, that's a glorious bug right there. Posts like that really show how actually competent they are at development, most companies couldn't even dream of getting this far on such an ambitious idea. It's pretty clear this is their first big multiplayer game but I still feel confident they'll work it all out into something amazing.

# ? Jun 2, 2016 07:08

Strategic Tea: Sep 1, 2012

Well to be fair it only lasted a few days and that video of a PAC firing every frame and melting everything :fuckoff:

was pretty funny.

# ? Jun 2, 2016 07:18

BombiTheZombie: Mar 27, 2010

Finally got my multi-cannons to rank 3 overcharged weapon. I was looking at the materials for rank 4 upgrades and they require even more outpost assaults for data. Considering i scanned over 40 outposts ranging from low + to high +++ security without getting a single very rare data i probably wont get those.

So far my problem is that the combat oriented engineer wants you to break the law several times in order to get materials and to search for outposts to scan. These are things i would never do in regular play, and i pretty much play the game for the shooting. Add to this the fact that the sheer amount of different materials you can get is ridiculous. You need one specific data file from over 30 different kinds of data that you can get from outposts. To get one roll at level 5 upgrades you need two of these very rare files, and even if you manage to get those its a 6% chance to get a special effect.

If they were to reduce and compress the amount of materials you need for upgrades into around 50 different kinds and allowed you to get them from things other than very specific actions it would at least be bearable.

# ? Jun 2, 2016 10:21

Libluini: May 18, 2012; I gravitated towards the Greens, eventually even joining the party itself.

The Linke is a party I grudgingly accept exists, but I've learned enough about DDR-history I can't bring myself to trust a party that was once the SED, a party leading the corrupt state apparatus ...; Grimey Drawer

WebDog posted:

My angst has been somewhat abated by unlocking a pulse laser mount that adds some sort of electrical charge to the gun that seems to end shields pretty quickly.

The looting system is a bit of a mixed bag. On one hand you get a ton of loot fairly quickly from USS and even a threat 1 usually spits out something that's soft enough to chew on for parts... but the other results in a ton of grind, namely stuff like arsenic.

Though the idea of an expanded FSD combined with a boost looks potentially amusing...50ly+ jumps.

Engineers would be great if we could trade crap between players. I mean, I'm totally poo poo at finding stuff in my SRV for example. Half the metals I need for jump juice and FSD-upgrades I have never found. I can google weird tables on the internet, go to the type of planet recommended to find a certain material and still find nothing after cruising around on the planet for hours.

The combination of bad luck and bad aptitude I'm suffering under is screwing me over.

Also I guess for me even the non-grindy parts of collecting materials are grindy, since I'm not really interested in fighting. So to get better FSDs and poo poo, I need to do stuff I don't really like. That's some great gameplay. :shepface:

# ? Jun 2, 2016 11:02

BombiTheZombie: Mar 27, 2010

Libluini posted:

Also I guess for me even the non-grindy parts of collecting materials are grindy, since I'm not really interested in fighting. So to get better FSDs and poo poo, I need to do stuff I don't really like. That's some great gameplay.

Agreed, not to mention the unlock requirements for some engineers. To unlock the armor and hull reinforcement specialist you need to mine 500 tons of ore, to unlock prof. Palin you need to travel 5000 lightyears from your starting system.

Whoever came up with the requirements is seriously misinformed about what people actually do in-game.

# ? Jun 2, 2016 11:15

1500: Nov 3, 2015; Give me all your crackers

Dante80 posted:

https://forums.frontier.co.uk/showthread.php?t=256993&page=4&p=4002121#post4002121

lol Pointers, the thing that every students hates, but then goes "ah ha" when it finally clicks and they realize they are the best things ever.

# ? Jun 2, 2016 11:18

1500: Nov 3, 2015; Give me all your crackers

IAmTheRad posted:

is meant to give people something for their special day.

I got nothing. Not even a crummy coupon. I mean I wouldn't use a coupon, but it's still the thought that should count.

Well if it makes you feel better I didn't either, and now the day is over.

# ? Jun 2, 2016 11:20

TomR: Apr 1, 2003; I both own and operate a pirate ship.

The special day thing was just a test. If you put in a day other than 'today' you're fine, but if you just couldn't wait and put the current date in the survey then your name goes on a list.

# ? Jun 2, 2016 12:16

Nelson Mandingo: Mar 27, 2005

I have myself a Fer De Lance and while I really like the ship, just can't seem to get the weapons to work for me. As in, it feels weak. Anyone got a good weapon setup you would recommend? I prefer fixed weapons but am open to exploring other options.

# ? Jun 2, 2016 12:55

NoneMoreNegative: Jul 20, 2000; GOTH FASCISTIC
PAIN MASTER

shit wizard dad

On my nearly-A FDL I'm running 2xM Pulse, 2xM Burst and a Huge multi on the bottom - strips shields fairly quickly and then the multi can put a serious hurt on a power plant in short order.

I run gimbs to make sure I get more time-on-target for small nimble ships, but if you have a good steady hand by all means fix them.

NoneMoreNegative fucked around with this message at 13:03 on Jun 2, 2016

# ? Jun 2, 2016 13:01

DancingShade: Jul 26, 2007; by Fluffdaddy

I've used other combos for the FDL (my old RES farming was 4x medium pulses and 1x huge cannon for maximum grinding endurance) but right now I'm using 2 medium beams on one button and 2 medium multicannons & 1 huge multicannon on the other.

Seems to work pretty well.

Clarification: I'm no longer grinding RES sites but hunting for materials in USS's and so on.

# ? Jun 2, 2016 13:26

TorakFade: Oct 3, 2006; I strongly disapprove

I used to pack 4 med beams and 1 huge cannon before the latest patch, but the 4 beams drain your juice far too fast.

Still, reducing an NPC Python to nearly zero shields in a single pass is awesome.

Today I would refit to two med beams, two med and one huge multicannon. A little longer to strip shields but after that you unleash so much dakka :getin:

# ? Jun 2, 2016 13:30

Nostalgia4Infinity: Feb 27, 2007; 10,000 YEARS WASN'T ENOUGH LURKING

2 medium beams, a huge m/c and 2 dumbfire launchers is working out nicely for me. With buffs, the dumbfires put the hurt on large ships.

# ? Jun 2, 2016 13:32

Blind Rasputin: Nov 25, 2002; Farewell, good Hunter. May you find your worth in the waking world.

Did the Xbox version get a big update? What was included in it? I noticed when I get near a planet an orbital mode starts but I can't seem to land on the planet at all without my ship overheating and exploding. Is there a special fsd way of flying through orbit to land?

# ? Jun 2, 2016 13:51

Tikal: Nov 14, 2008

Blind Rasputin posted:

Did the Xbox version get a big update? What was included in it? I noticed when I get near a planet an orbital mode starts but I can't seem to land on the planet at all without my ship overheating and exploding. Is there a special fsd way of flying through orbit to land?

Xbox One pilots were given access to Horizons recently, but goes into full effect tomorrow (Friday)

# ? Jun 2, 2016 13:54

Nelson Mandingo: Mar 27, 2005

These were great suggestions thanks. Right now I'm using 4 fixed pulses and one huge multicannon (and gimbaled really is the right way to go) and gonna stick with it a while and see how I feel about it. It's working pretty well so far.

Nelson Mandingo fucked around with this message at 15:46 on Jun 2, 2016

# ? Jun 2, 2016 14:34

Snaxx: Apr 5, 2009

I have fallen in love with turrets on my Python. I get kills while being stuck in turning fights.

Small ships melt as long as I can keep them above my wings. Big ships loose shields by the time I get my 3 MCs on them.

Can't wait to mod them into rainbow lasers of death.

# ? Jun 2, 2016 15:16

Nostalgia4Infinity: Feb 27, 2007; 10,000 YEARS WASN'T ENOUGH LURKING

What do you do when you're a game developer who has had some fairly public and boneheaded PR missteps over the last year or so? Have one of your lead devs flex their creative writing muscle!

quote:

The Mistress and the Three Little Pigs.
Here's another of my crazy little stories about The Mistress.
"Children (and grown-ups), are we all sitting comfortably? Good, then let us begin our story..."
The Mistress and the Three Little Pigs.
Once upon a time there was a Mistress of the Minions, an AI programmer still working on that spaceship game that wasn't easier, and was in fact getting harder all the time. Some players struggled and called it dangerous, but others found it easy.
Then there the three little pigs. Okay, so they weren't little, the pizza-eating, beer guzzling sons of bitches... Er, sorry, children's story? Says who? Anyway, the fat bastards loved nothing more than to fly around in their little fleet, causing misery for noobs, picking on any harmless - or even mostly harmless - player they could find. They laughed at players who they taunted and destroyed, just for the lolz (or so they said), flying around calling themselves the "Gank Squad".
Well, the Mistress was outraged! What could she do? Her Minions were supposed to be the ones going around blowing up ships, not these three wannabe tough guys!
"Huh!" she cried. "Like to play FA-Off, do you? Well, you can FU-Off if ya think I'm gonna let you get away with that!"
So she did what any sane, wicked little Mistress would do. She sent a few Minions their way... in a sneaky diabolical way...
The first little pig (Ha! Little... <shakes head> I dunno...) Er, the first one liked to fly around in a smallish ship and loved nothing better than to pick on larger ships, getting behind them and blasting them into pieces. Well, one day he found a nice juicy target, a lone player who had just managed to scrimp and save for their pride and joy. Well, pig #1 laughed and decided to pick on the noob player.
"Oh, no you don't!" the Mistress cried, calling forth her minions. Well, she dropped a few authority ships upon the pig, very big... very scary... with lots and lots of guns and missiles. Oh, all slightly tricked out I may add. The Minions shot the hell out of the first pig, obliterating his weak, pathetic little ship in a matter of seconds.
"Huh?" the pig said, staring at the screen as the wreckage of his little ship floated across the screen. "What the gently caress just happened? I just died! That's not fair! Bloody AI is cheating!"
The Mistress chuckled to herself (because she often talked to herself). "Oh yes, for you I'll cheat a little... Hehehehe..."
The second "little" pig loved to fly around in a medium sized ship, loaded with lots of guns. He thought he was safe, invulnerable, especially when picking on newer players in their starter ships.
"What to do about you?" the Mistress mused. Then she had an idea...
The second pig was having fun, flying through an asteroid belt, hiding behind the large rocks and attacking harmless miners for no reason other than to cause misery.
"Oh," the Mistress said with a big smile, "you like hiding, eh? Well, let me give YOU a hiding... Hehehe..."
The second pig was cruising past an asteroid when... Well, he almost fell off his chair as from behind every asteroid came an AI ship! They were all small and fast, loaded with juicy big guns (because The Mistress likes big guns), and racks and racks of missiles (because The Mistress loves missiles)!
"What the gently caress?" the second pig squealed, staring wide eyed at the now cluttered radar screen.
Lasers flashed past his screen as the Minions tore his shields to pieces. He panicked, turning his ship around and making a run for it.
"That's not gonna happen," the Mistress laughed, watching the unfolding scene.
And she was right. The second pig's ship couldn't outrun the swarm chasing him, and he couldn't engage his hyper-drive due to being mass-locked by the asteroid field. So the sweaty fat bastard cried in dismay and horror as a swarm of missiles descended upon his ship. Oh, he had defenses against missiles, but not the hundred or more that slammed into his ship. It kinda went boom very quickly, lots of pretty colours. And all the pretty little sparks, like fireflies floating through the air...
The second pig slammed a fist into his keyboard. "loving game! That's not fair!"
From far away the Mistress chuckled wickedly. "Yes, you're right, you stinking little poo poo-head. It's not fair. And if you keep on going around attacking new players just for kicks, I'm going to keep on doing this, night after night..."
"And now for the last little pig," the Mistress said to herself (again).
But the third pig flew around in a large ship, one loaded with extra shielding, boosted to the max and engineered to the hilt. Now he was a bastard, loving nothing more than to fly around ramming anyone and everything to death while typing horrible messages at his victims.
One day, the third pig was up to his usual tricks, ramming new players and the like and having a jolly good time! Until a message flashed up on his coms. "I'm coming to get you..."
At first he stared at the message. And then he laughed, typing a reply. "Come and get me if you think you're hard enough."
"Right!" the Mistress cried. "Challenge accepted!"
The third pig met a small group of large warships, ones who attacked on sight. But his shields were just too strong!
"That's right," he jeered, "let's see you get through that, yer fuckers! You can huff and you can puff, but you can't blow my shields down!"
What was the Mistress to do?
"Oh, no," she cried, "I can't be beat by him! What shall I do? What will all the new, innocent players do! They're counting on me to make the game good and fair!"
Then she had an idea.
The third pig met a small AI fighter. Of course he killed it, no problem, his ship's guns being too powerful. But all his guns were forward facing. He was so sure of himself, he didn't have any turrets.
Big mistake.
The Mistress sent a group of fighters to attack the third pig's ship, all of them fast enough to out-manoeuvre him and sit on his tail. Well, he squirmed and he wriggled, tried every trick he knew, but he couldn't get the fighters off his tail. All this time the fighters were happily shooting away, chipping away at that big, powerful shield.
Now one fighter can't do much damage, but when there's twenty or more... Well, you can imagine...
"Shields Down!" the computer screamed at the third pig. He was dumbstruck, his big mouth gaping as he digested the news.
"That's okay," he gloated. "I still got all me armour! Yer pathetic little ships won't get through that!"
But he was wrong. Missiles at point-blank range can do a lot of damage. And when the fighters broke formation to swarm him, they all took great pleasure in peppering the hull with their missiles, destroying everything on the ship. Drives, shield generators, weapons, all of it reduced to scrap.
Until only the hull remained, stuck at 1%.
The Mistress smiled, before a hard grimace swept across her face. "You son of a bitch," she roared. "You fly around picking on new players, ruining their game! Well, no more! Try that poo poo with me again, and I'll do this to you again and again and again..."
The third pig nodded, not understanding where the messages on his coms were coming from. But he had survived, the AI fighters all peeling away and leaving him alone. He thought he was safe.
He was, right?
Wrong.
His ship, without any drives, coasted straight into a patrolling police ship. It wasn't too happy about being rammed, so it gained some distance, turned around, and blew the third pig's ship to smithereens!
"gently caress this poo poo!" the third pig said, pounding a fist into his keyboard. "This game's no fun! I'm gonna go play me something else..."
And so all the three pigs left the game, peace returning to the game world once more...
The End

Yikes

# ? Jun 2, 2016 17:29

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# ? May 29, 2024 17:41

Good Dumplings: Mar 30, 2011; Excuse my worthless shitposting because all I can ever hope to accomplish in life is to rot away the braincells of strangers on the internet with my irredeemable brainworms.

nice meltdown

# ? Jun 2, 2016 17:34

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Ellen Degeneres: Horizons - AI Now Earns More Than Human Crew

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