RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

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Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

I only follow this thread because some of the catastrophes are too funny.

To contribute, I accidentally made my windows folder on my laptop read only the other day.

# ? Jun 12, 2016 20:13

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# ? May 16, 2024 04:38

MJP: Jun 17, 2007; Are you looking at me Senpai?; Grimey Drawer

I had a flash of inspiration and cloned the volume, presented it at a server, onlined the drive, and holy poo poo it was working just fine.

Un-did the permissions, pointed it back at the prod server, works great. Had to redo the shares but we only had like two.

Arcserve sucks, Dell is good

# ? Jun 12, 2016 20:14

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

It's my first day back at work after pretending to be unemployed for a week so that i didn't do something to make me actually unemployed.

Marketing want us to replace every Windows loading screen across 210+ machines with the company purpose and values statement.
:negative:

# ? Jun 12, 2016 21:39

Thanks Ants: May 21, 2004; #essereFerrari

"No that's not possible, sorry"

# ? Jun 12, 2016 22:27

iajanus: Aug 17, 2004; NUMBER 1 QUEENSLAND SUPPORTER
MAROONS 2023 STATE OF ORIGIN CHAMPIONS FOR LIFE

I think the correct answer is "gently caress off".

I'm very glad I work for a small software company that has all our accounting and law customers by the balls so we're able to tell them point blank that we don't support anything older than windows 7, server 2008 r2, or office 2013. Anything older than that and they're officially on their own if anything has issues. They gripe a bit about it but I'm the head of support so I get the fun job of telling them to update their POS machines to something made in the last decade.

It's also fun seeing all their crypto infections and getting to break the news to their IT departments. Mostly because I don't have to fix any of them.

# ? Jun 12, 2016 22:49

Sickening: Jul 16, 2007; Black summer was the best summer.

Ghostlight posted:

It's my first day back at work after pretending to be unemployed for a week so that i didn't do something to make me actually unemployed.

Marketing want us to replace every Windows loading screen across 210+ machines with the company purpose and values statement.

I hope you are on windows 10 because on anything else that is a pain in the rear end.

# ? Jun 12, 2016 22:52

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

I am on Windows 10. The rest of the company minus one designer is on Windows 7.

I already literally said "gently caress off" when my boss mentioned it a couple of months ago (I love my boss) but it looks like the CEO has been pressuring Marketing to 'raise awareness' of our new mission statement bullshit and the rest of the IT team has caved to them while I was away to the degree that not doing it will now be an IT failure to deliver rather than Marketing asking the undeliverable.

# ? Jun 12, 2016 23:22

GreenNight: Feb 19, 2006; Turning the light on the darkest places, you and I know we got to face this now. We got to face this now.

Ghostlight posted:

I am on Windows 10. The rest of the company minus one designer is on Windows 7.

I already literally said "gently caress off" when my boss mentioned it a couple of months ago (I love my boss) but it looks like the CEO has been pressuring Marketing to 'raise awareness' of our new mission statement bullshit and the rest of the IT team has caved to them while I was away to the degree that not doing it will now be an IT failure to deliver rather than Marketing asking the undeliverable.

Tell them it's impossible but you can set a screensaver to go off after 5 mins with your mission statement.

# ? Jun 12, 2016 23:41

SyNack Sassimov: May 4, 2006; Let the robot win.
��--Captain James T. Vader

Ghostlight posted:

I am on Windows 10. The rest of the company minus one designer is on Windows 7.

I already literally said "gently caress off" when my boss mentioned it a couple of months ago (I love my boss) but it looks like the CEO has been pressuring Marketing to 'raise awareness' of our new mission statement bullshit and the rest of the IT team has caved to them while I was away to the degree that not doing it will now be an IT failure to deliver rather than Marketing asking the undeliverable.

Isn't the process of doing this relatively easy? This program for instance:

http://www.coderforlife.com/projects/win7boot/

Has a command line version, i.e. theoretically pretty easily scriptable in GPO.

The problem, or rather, as I see it, the best part, is that the animation has to be 200x200 pixels. In this case I think that's a huge plus, because the screen will certainly show your mission statement for 105 frames, it just won't be readable without a microscope unless it's like two words.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 00:05

nitrogen: May 21, 2004; Oh, what's a 217°C difference between friends?

at ${JOB}-1 they did this by forcing us to view the values statement as a desktop background.

gently caress that poo poo. It took us about forty five seconds to figure out how to temporarily override it after every login.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 00:24

stubblyhead: Sep 13, 2007; That is treason, Johnny!; Fun Shoe

nitrogen posted:

at ${JOB}-1 they did this by forcing us to view the values statement as a desktop background.

gently caress that poo poo. It took us about forty five seconds to figure out how to temporarily override it after every login.

Finally, a reason to keep all your individual documents on the desktop.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 00:37

anthonypants: May 6, 2007; by Nyc_Tattoo; Dinosaur Gum

Ghostlight posted:

I am on Windows 10. The rest of the company minus one designer is on Windows 7.

I already literally said "gently caress off" when my boss mentioned it a couple of months ago (I love my boss) but it looks like the CEO has been pressuring Marketing to 'raise awareness' of our new mission statement bullshit and the rest of the IT team has caved to them while I was away to the degree that not doing it will now be an IT failure to deliver rather than Marketing asking the undeliverable.

Just replace the logon screen instead? That isn't difficult and it's up for more than a few seconds. You could also make a text popup that comes up after you hit ctrl+alt+del to log in. These things aren't impossible or difficult.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 00:43

BOOTY-ADE: Aug 30, 2006; BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

GreenNight posted:

Tell them it's impossible but you can set a screensaver to go off after 5 mins with your mission statement.

This was my thought too, create a GPO to set everyone's screensaver to the mission statement after 5-10 minutes idle time. If they don't like it, point them to any more pressing projects with "it'll get done after those are done".

# ? Jun 13, 2016 01:02

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

I wanted to do the wallpaper simply because it would generate a significant amount of blowback from the designers.

anthonypants posted:

Just replace the logon screen instead? That isn't difficult and it's up for more than a few seconds. You could also make a text popup that comes up after you hit ctrl+alt+del to log in. These things aren't impossible or difficult.

These aren't things I've ever done though, especially for a 200 word statement, and complaining here is a good way to find tips on how to do things better.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 01:03

Thanks Ants: May 21, 2004; #essereFerrari

Mission statement should be a badly aliased bitmap file with a non-black background set as the custom image in the flag screensaver.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 01:04

GreenNight: Feb 19, 2006; Turning the light on the darkest places, you and I know we got to face this now. We got to face this now.

Just create a vb script that runs at boot that has a box pop up with the mission statement and each user has to click I Agree before being allowed to use their PC.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 01:25

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

GreenNight posted:

Just create a vb script that runs at boot that has a box pop up with the mission statement and each user has to click I Agree before being allowed to use their PC.

And change the location of the button each boot.

Did I mention the mandatory overnight reboots?

# ? Jun 13, 2016 01:49

Knormal: Nov 11, 2001

At my place shortly after we rolled out Win7 they had the Group Policy people change the logon screen to our logo and vision statement. They haven't said anything about Windows 10 yet, but I assume that's just because whoever's grand idea it was hasn't had his machine upgraded yet. We also have to click past some "No unauthorized access" message between Ctrl-Alt-Del and the credential screen, but I have no idea what it actually says because no one ever reads it. I just immediately do Crtl-Alt-Del, Enter, then start typing my username.

Samizdata posted:

And change the location of the button each boot.

Did I mention the mandatory overnight reboots?

And make sure that it's in a text field that you have to scroll to the bottom of before the OK button becomes active.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 01:56

NeuralSpark: Apr 16, 2004

Thanks Ants posted:

Mission statement should be a badly aliased bitmap file with a non-black background set as the custom image in the flag screensaver.

I had a small client recently ask me if I could upscale their logo so they could print it for some large format need. I told them they'd need to get a graphic designer to re-do it as vector art. Why is it that no company has high-res version of corporate logos and the like.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 02:16

Agrikk: Oct 17, 2003; Take care with that! We have not fully ascertained its function, and the ticking is accelerating.

There's a tool called Windows Background Changer (freeware) that allows you to change the login screen to an image.

I've used it a lot on win7, but dunno if you can deploy it easily across 200 workstations in an enterprise easily.

Nth in the "gently caress off" response. And also Nthing the screensaver option if pressed by management.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 02:29

Shalhavet: Dec 10, 2010; This post is terrible; Doctor Rope

Agree that it's dumb as hell, but would putting it in the legal notice work?

code:

HKLM\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Policies\System\LegalNoticeCaption
HKLM\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Policies\System\LegalNoticeText

# ? Jun 13, 2016 02:45

anthonypants: May 6, 2007; by Nyc_Tattoo; Dinosaur Gum

Agrikk posted:

There's a tool called Windows Background Changer (freeware) that allows you to change the login screen to an image.

I've used it a lot on win7, but dunno if you can deploy it easily across 200 workstations in an enterprise easily.

Nth in the "gently caress off" response. And also Nthing the screensaver option if pressed by management.

Please do not use freeware in place of GPOs.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 02:48

skooma512: Feb 8, 2012; You couldn't grok my race car, but you dug the roadside blur.

Ghostlight posted:

I am on Windows 10. The rest of the company minus one designer is on Windows 7.

I already literally said "gently caress off" when my boss mentioned it a couple of months ago (I love my boss) but it looks like the CEO has been pressuring Marketing to 'raise awareness' of our new mission statement bullshit and the rest of the IT team has caved to them while I was away to the degree that not doing it will now be an IT failure to deliver rather than Marketing asking the undeliverable.

I don't understand they are wasting their time with mission statements at all.

One of my shop's stated values is stewardship, you know, like saving money. Most of the top C-suite people have pretty much the entire Apple catalog on their desk. Ipad pros, Macbook pros, Iphone 6 plus, all on the company. Tell me more about how much you value stewardship :allears:

# ? Jun 13, 2016 02:59

Agrikk: Oct 17, 2003; Take care with that! We have not fully ascertained its function, and the ticking is accelerating.

anthonypants posted:

Please do not use freeware in place of GPOs.

There is aGPO for the login screen image? Where is it?

# ? Jun 13, 2016 04:04

anthonypants: May 6, 2007; by Nyc_Tattoo; Dinosaur Gum

Agrikk posted:

There is aGPO for the login screen image? Where is it?

Maybe this will help

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSVRQzhJrGE

# ? Jun 13, 2016 05:29

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

skooma512 posted:

I don't understand they are wasting their time with mission statements at all.

One of my shop's stated values is stewardship, you know, like saving money. Most of the top C-suite people have pretty much the entire Apple catalog on their desk. Ipad pros, Macbook pros, Iphone 6 plus, all on the company. Tell me more about how much you value stewardship

The best part is that beyond the marketing hype all they've really done is taken the decades-old existing mission statements that nobody has paid attention to past orientation, deleted "Innovation" and "Foresight", then reworded the others.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 05:59

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

Shalhavet posted:

Agree that it's dumb as hell, but would putting it in the legal notice work?
code:
HKLM\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Policies\System\LegalNoticeCaption
HKLM\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Policies\System\LegalNoticeText

Wanted to suggest this.

Do this.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 07:39

nielsm: Jun 1, 2009

An Excel sheet came in.

Opening it took 30 seconds or more.
When open, it seemingly consisted of nothing more than maybe 10x30 cells worth of data, no formulas or anything else. But even just navigating around, selecting cells, had very obvious delays. User reports editing it is a massive chore.

Luckily it's an XLSX file, so the usual debugging method works: Rename to ZIP and unpack.
In the unpacked data, there is a 60 MB drawing1.xml file... there's no drawings visible anywhere in the sheet.
Checking back with Excel, apparently there's some 60k zero-width text boxes scattered around. Probably the "drawing". Hit-checking against tens of thousands of tiny drawings probably will slow down any work, yeah.

How the gently caress does any user manage to create sixty thousand something tiny textboxes in an otherwise trivial Excel sheet, that may as well have been made with a single table in Word?

# ? Jun 13, 2016 13:46

RadicalR: Jan 20, 2008; "Businessmen are the symbol of a free society
---
the symbol of America."

nielsm posted:

An Excel sheet came in.

Opening it took 30 seconds or more.
When open, it seemingly consisted of nothing more than maybe 10x30 cells worth of data, no formulas or anything else. But even just navigating around, selecting cells, had very obvious delays. User reports editing it is a massive chore.

Luckily it's an XLSX file, so the usual debugging method works: Rename to ZIP and unpack.
In the unpacked data, there is a 60 MB drawing1.xml file... there's no drawings visible anywhere in the sheet.
Checking back with Excel, apparently there's some 60k zero-width text boxes scattered around. Probably the "drawing". Hit-checking against tens of thousands of tiny drawings probably will slow down any work, yeah.

How the gently caress does any user manage to create sixty thousand something tiny textboxes in an otherwise trivial Excel sheet, that may as well have been made with a single table in Word?

I assume deleting the drawing.xml would fix the issue here?

# ? Jun 13, 2016 13:57

Super Slash: Feb 20, 2006; You rang ?

anthonypants posted:

You could also make a text popup that comes up after you hit ctrl+alt+del to log in. These things aren't impossible or difficult.

I'm actually interested in this, do you mean like a dialogue box or actual text in the same font?
(We already have company wallpaper for desktop/login screen and user images)

# ? Jun 13, 2016 13:59

Collateral Damage: Jun 13, 2009

If you set a disclaimer/legal banner in the registry, it shows up when you press crrl alt delete, before the login dialog.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 14:00

nielsm: Jun 1, 2009

RadicalR posted:

I assume deleting the drawing.xml would fix the issue here?

Also had to remove a reference to it in the sheet XML file, but yes.

OOXML surgery is "fun".

# ? Jun 13, 2016 14:01

TITTIEKISSER69: Mar 19, 2005; SAVE THE BEES
PLANT MORE TREES
CLEAN THE SEAS
KISS TITTIESS

iajanus posted:

I think the correct answer is "gently caress off".

There's an app for that: http://www.foaas.com/

# ? Jun 13, 2016 15:45

Arsten: Feb 18, 2003

nielsm posted:

An Excel sheet came in.

Opening it took 30 seconds or more.
When open, it seemingly consisted of nothing more than maybe 10x30 cells worth of data, no formulas or anything else. But even just navigating around, selecting cells, had very obvious delays. User reports editing it is a massive chore.

Luckily it's an XLSX file, so the usual debugging method works: Rename to ZIP and unpack.
In the unpacked data, there is a 60 MB drawing1.xml file... there's no drawings visible anywhere in the sheet.
Checking back with Excel, apparently there's some 60k zero-width text boxes scattered around. Probably the "drawing". Hit-checking against tens of thousands of tiny drawings probably will slow down any work, yeah.

How the gently caress does any user manage to create sixty thousand something tiny textboxes in an otherwise trivial Excel sheet, that may as well have been made with a single table in Word?

They copied it from a website that drops images into the tables. I've seen this before.

nielsm posted:

Also had to remove a reference to it in the sheet XML file, but yes.

OOXML surgery is "fun".

Next time, go to Home -> Editing Group -> Find & Select Dropdown -> Selection Pane and then click "Show All". Then go back to the Find and Select Dropdown and click "Select Object" and drag across everything and hit the delete key.

It's much faster than editing the XML directly.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 15:50

nielsm: Jun 1, 2009

Arsten posted:

Next time, go to Home -> Editing Group -> Find & Select Dropdown -> Selection Pane and then click "Show All". Then go back to the Find and Select Dropdown and click "Select Object" and drag across everything and hit the delete key.

It's much faster than editing the XML directly.

I'm not entirely sure about that when the number of objects is that large, but I'll give it a try tomorrow. I think I still have the original file around.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 15:54

ChubbyThePhat: Dec 22, 2006; Who nico nico needs anyone else

Wilford Cutlery posted:

There's an app for that: http://www.foaas.com/

drat I was coming to post this here too.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 16:13

Squatch Ambassador: Nov 12, 2008; What? Never seen a shaved Squatch before?

Wilford Cutlery posted:

There's an app for that: http://www.foaas.com/

Perfect.

First ticket this morning:
"We took apart and moved the PCs in [area] for an event on Friday. Please come set them back up for us, students need to use these stations"

# ? Jun 13, 2016 16:54

ilkhan: Oct 7, 2004; I LOVE Musk and his pro-first-amendment ways. X is the future.

*Call comes in* - My laptop won't turn on. The battery died and so I connected it and it's been 30 minutes and it won't turn on. It turns on for a second and then dies.
*Me* - make sure the ac adapter is plugged in correctly.
*user* - oh it wasn't plugged in
:facepalm:

# ? Jun 13, 2016 17:38

Renegret: May 26, 2007; THANK YOU FOR CALLING HELP DOG, INC.

YOUR POSITION IN THE QUEUE IS *pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt*

Cat Army Sworn Enemy

ilkhan posted:

*Call comes in* - My laptop won't turn on. The battery died and so I connected it and it's been 30 minutes and it won't turn on. It turns on for a second and then dies.
*Me* - make sure the ac adapter is plugged in correctly.
*user* - oh it wasn't plugged in
:facepalm:

During my stint at Best Buy, I had, on more than one occasion, people get mad at me because their wireless laptop wasn't actually wireless because they had to plug it in.

There was also that dude who yelled at me then returned his laptop because he thought having a computer with wifi meant he could get unlimited internet everywhere he went for free.

I may or may not be posting this as nothing more than an excuse to show off my new AV

# ? Jun 13, 2016 18:06

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# ? May 16, 2024 04:38

Arsten: Feb 18, 2003

nielsm posted:

I'm not entirely sure about that when the number of objects is that large, but I'll give it a try tomorrow. I think I still have the original file around.

If there are too many to easily select, there is still VBA, which is still quicker than hand-exiting XML, crack open the VBA editor and throw

code:

Sub delimgs()
    Dim img As Object
    Dim wks As Worksheet
    For Each wks In ActiveWorkbook.Worksheets
        For Each img In ActiveSheet.Pictures
            img.Delete
        Next img
    Next wks
End Sub

into the sheet object and then run it. It'll cycle through all worksheets in the workbook and delete all of the pictures present.

# ? Jun 13, 2016 20:03

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

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