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hello, friends! welcome to the cat intelligence research symposium. i hope you've all had a chance to grab some coffee and danishes. before we start, let's give a big hand to our colleagues over at kyoto university for finally getting mainstream recognition for their pioneering work in the area of shaking a box in front of a cat! at this point even undergraduate textbooks cover placing a cat inside a box, or shaking a cat in front of a box, but until now shaking a box in front of a cat has remained only a theoretical possibility. numerical simulations suggestion a fourth cat-box interaction, placing a box inside a cat, and i can only hope that i live long enough to see this phenomenon reproduced in the laboratory. but enough about kyoto university! this year's cat intelligence nobel may be all locked up, but we're here to hear about the latest research in the field. presentations will begin in 15 minutes, so if you need to use the litter box, now's the time! hahaha that's a little cat intelligence research humor folks
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:16 |
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# ? May 10, 2024 01:36 |
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our lab lured passing cats on the street over to a shell game with promises of easy money. a research assistant cat pretended to have just "won big", flashing a large wad of cash around, and explained loudly that she was going to go buy a hovercraft made of swarovski crystal before walking away from the table. in 36 of 50 trials the street cat fell for the scam and gambled away their drinkin money. verdict: not intelligent
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:21 |
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we set up a hedge fund and gave 20 cat investment managers a million dollars each to invest as they saw fit. at the end of the year only 5 had beat the market, and it was revealed that 4 of those had achieved high returns only via an elaborate ponzi scheme. verdict: knuckleheads
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:25 |
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Cats are hosed up.
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:26 |
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Sounds more like cats are just bad with money
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:28 |
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op takes first and second post a most shamfuru thread
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:29 |
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We showed 30 cats the D&D forum and asked them to post. In all cases, the cat in question chose to lick itself instead, never once touching the keyboard. verdict: intelligent
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:30 |
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dag it took the OP 2 bumps and 10 minutes to get a pity reply during peak posting hours shameful
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:30 |
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yep some people just see cats not acting like dogs (ie relatable human emotions) and thinking they are retarded. lets just say, you might find a smart person who just doesnt like cats but you'll only find a dumb person who thinks cats are stupid
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:31 |
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we selected 43 cats with previously healthy parents and subjected their mothers to a high dose of gamma radiation, triggering the immediate development of terminal cancer. the cats were then provided with little white lab coats and adorable cat-sized test tubes and erlenmeyer flasks. not one of the cats was able to successfully develop a cure for their mothers' cancer. 13 simply bumbled around the tiny cancer lab knocking things over, while 8 pawned the lab equipment for booze money and the remaining 22 used the equipment and supplies we provided to synthesize an extremely pure "crystal blue" form of methamphetamine which allowed them to quickly dominate the local market. verdict: donkeybrains
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:32 |
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its a good thing cats are cute because based on my study of the cats i have owned they are dumb as hell.
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:34 |
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Cats poo poo in a box and u scoop it. H.t.h.
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:34 |
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JakeP posted:dag it took the OP 2 bumps and 10 minutes to get a pity reply during peak posting hours it's hard for the "man on the street" to understand cutting edge scientific research
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:35 |
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jeff smisek posted:Cats poo poo in a box and u scoop it. H.t.h. not always, sometimes they poo poo on the floor near the box and i clean it from there so suck it jeff
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:36 |
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Owned
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:36 |
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JiveHonky posted:suck it jeff
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:36 |
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schroedingers cat was pretty smart and super deep - only top physicists and yospos posters could understand it
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:40 |
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A kid on the school bus told me he stuck a firecracker in a cats butt and lit it and then the cat exploded into guts and blood everywhere. I think he was full of poo poo though.
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:42 |
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we gave 18 cats a canvas and a selection of high quality oil-based paints and asked them to paint in the style of dutch golden age painter rembrandt von rijn. 3 cats painted anarchy-syndicalist manifestoes with anthrax mixed into the paint. 6 cats didn't seem to understand the assignment and produced impressionist works in the vein of monet. the rest produced passable rembrandts, but the brushwork and chiaroscuro lacked subtlety. verdict: buncha dingdongs
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:44 |
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Dave_Indeed posted:A kid on the school bus told me he stuck a firecracker in a cats butt and lit it and then the cat exploded into guts and blood everywhere. I think he was full of poo poo though. smart cat imo. a big picture thinker
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:46 |
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we snipped the headphone wire of 14 cats on the subway, forcing them to buy new ones at the nearest electronics store, where a research assistant offered them the choice of beats by dre or bose quietcomfort. 11 cats immediately pounced upon the research assistant and disemboweled them with their hind claws, then after contemplating the matter left the store with beats by dre. the remaining 3 cats elected to constructed their own headphones out of tin cans and string. verdict: more research needed
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:50 |
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A question if I may sir, in this ridiculous theoretical fourth box/cat scenario, is there any way to guarantee the well-being of this box within the cat? It's as if, by quantum mechanical theory, there exists simultaneously two alternate realities wherein the box both remains undamaged and junky and soggy with cat innards. Furthermore, it is dangerous and irresponsible to continue bandying about this ludicrous box-in-a-cat hypothesis until you can demonstrably reconcile this harebrained, fly-by-night theorizing with accepted, proven box/cat science! Until the safety and ethical treatment of our boxes can be guaranteed, I say good day sir!
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:56 |
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Sperghetti posted:A question if I may sir, in this ridiculous theoretical fourth box/cat scenario, is there any way to guarantee the well-being of this box within the cat? It's as if, by quantum mechanical theory, there exists simultaneously two alternate realities wherein the box both remains undamaged and junky and soggy with cat innards. we're constructing a box accelerator capable of slamming a box into a cat with the force of a thousand supernovas right now
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 22:04 |
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if cats are so smart why are their owners always the worst and most pathetic examples of humans to exist?
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 22:07 |
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Im Cat
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 22:37 |
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reignofevil posted:Im Cat verdict: IDIOT
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 22:41 |
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Cat Anecdote, maybe you can use it as a case study. Once I asked a cat where he lived and he just meowed at me I had to wait two hours for him to stop sunbathing, get up and go to his home which was a log and then the cat let me kick him in the ribs a few times till he gave me his dumb home as well. Anyway I gotta log out from here I think I have cat poo poo on my shirt
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 22:54 |
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Cats are gay
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 23:08 |
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eshODE6wDzs
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 23:11 |
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The Bananana posted:Cats are gay Cenapussy is the straightest being on this green earth.
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 23:11 |
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Dreddout posted:Cenapussy is the straightest being on this green earth. Is that the cat version of John Cena?
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 23:14 |
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Cats will ALWAYS buy the extended warranty they're fuckin retarded
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 23:17 |
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yah sure they arent very good at tests and whatnot but theyre street smart andd thats what really counts in the end
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 23:20 |
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preliminary results are intriguing but i don't think we can come to any firm conclusions unless a cat encounters two workers carrying a sheet of transparent glass across the street as it's running away from an animal control officer who looks like snidely whiplash
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 23:21 |
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CharlestonJew posted:Cats will ALWAYS buy the extended warranty they're fuckin retarded best buy employee: well, looks like everything's in order. your extended warranty is now active. cat: that's great. <slowly pushes 55" tv off of checkout counter>
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 23:23 |
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MiracleWhale posted:best buy employee: well, looks like everything's in order. your extended warranty is now active. (Is that covered?)
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 23:24 |
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Carts are stupid and make their owners stupid
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 23:28 |
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CharlestonJew posted:Cats will ALWAYS buy the extended warranty they're fuckin retarded My dad the cat
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 23:37 |
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Sheep-Goats posted:My dad the cat Coming next month, to fox
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 23:40 |
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# ? May 10, 2024 01:36 |
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This thread wins the nobel for 2016 imo
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# ? Jun 17, 2016 23:41 |