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skoolmunkee
Jun 27, 2004

Tell your friends we're coming for them

SubponticatePoster posted:

Now now, none of these people's deal with family: Garrus, Jack, Grunt, Kasumi, and Zaeed. I agree with you on Miranda's mission though, and vice versa. And also like to take Jack to Sam's recruitment because of what she says when you do the Renegade thing for BIOTIC GOD.

Aw come on now, garrus is like the teams dad, jack was kidnapped, grunt gets adopted, kasumis involves her boyfriend, and zaeed.... Uh.... He loves that lovely rifle

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hard counter
Jan 2, 2015





Get the lizard out of the vents.

skoolmunkee posted:

Aw come on now, garrus is like the teams dad, jack was kidnapped, grunt gets adopted, kasumis involves her boyfriend, and zaeed.... Uh.... He loves that lovely rifle

I'd say Jack definitely counts since her thing concerns her adoptive family. Same with Grunt. Garrus and Zaeed are a bit of a stretch however. Still tho, ~9 out of 12 missions having that kind of consistency is nothing to sneeze at.

SubponticatePoster
Aug 9, 2004

Every day takes figurin' out all over again how to fuckin' live.
Slippery Tilde
Jack was more or less kidnapped. She was held prisoner, abused, and experimented on. How does that translate to "family?" :psyduck:

Regalingualius
Jan 7, 2012

We gazed into the eyes of madness... And all we found was horny.




I think they mean the other kids she was in captivity with, but even then... Calling them family is a biiiiit of a stretch, given what she says about them in the mission proper.

SubponticatePoster
Aug 9, 2004

Every day takes figurin' out all over again how to fuckin' live.
Slippery Tilde
"I hated them, they hated me." Well, that does sound like some siblings :v: But yeah, Jack doesn't GAF about the other kids (other than the dude in the mission she never has any contact with them afterward or tried to find them , probably because 99% of them are dead), it's all about making GBS threads on Cerberus. Now if Jack's loyalty mission was "trying to find my mom" and she had to break into a Cerberus base and steal the info, it'd be a family-related mission.

Garrus's is: kill a dude that hosed me over
Grunt's is: ugh, I'm going through puberty and the solution is KILL EVERYTHING though I can see finding a clan as sort-of-kinda "family" if you squint, but to me it's just making him a proper Krogan instead of a test tube baby
Kasumi's is: steal back this extremely damaging piece of intel that just happens to involve my dead boyfriend
Zaeed's is :zaeed:
:mordin: is trying to find a former coworker, forgot that in the list

Miranda: family
Jacob: family
Samara: family
Thane: family
Legion: family as much as a bunch of AI's can have family :haw:
Tali: family


Spoilered all of that for anybody that doesn't know what's gonna happen/who we recruit. So I guess it's distributed half and half.

skoolmunkee
Jun 27, 2004

Tell your friends we're coming for them

I meant Jack's kind of about how her family was stolen from her. And every mission with Grunt is about family since he is your son :allears:

grack
Jan 10, 2012

COACH TOTORO SAY REFEREE CAN BANISH WHISTLE TO LAND OF WIND AND GHOSTS!
Jack's mission is about alternating between crying and shooting stuff.

Kurieg
Jul 19, 2012

RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20
:blizz::gamefreak:
And Garrus' is about avenging his squad, which is the closest thing he has to family until he reconnects with his father in 3

grimlock_master
Nov 1, 2013

Fuck you, suzie
Old friends come first, always

skoolmunkee
Jun 27, 2004

Tell your friends we're coming for them

grimlock_master posted:

Old friends come first, always

Yes, put Zaeed on point

hard counter
Jan 2, 2015





SubponticatePoster posted:

"I hated them, they hated me." Well, that does sound like some siblings :v: But yeah, Jack doesn't GAF about the other kids (other than the dude in the mission she never has any contact with them afterward or tried to find them , probably because 99% of them are dead), it's all about making GBS threads on Cerberus. Now if Jack's loyalty mission was "trying to find my mom" and she had to break into a Cerberus base and steal the info, it'd be a family-related mission.

Garrus's is: kill a dude that hosed me over
Grunt's is: ugh, I'm going through puberty and the solution is KILL EVERYTHING though I can see finding a clan as sort-of-kinda "family" if you squint, but to me it's just making him a proper Krogan instead of a test tube baby
Kasumi's is: steal back this extremely damaging piece of intel that just happens to involve my dead boyfriend
Zaeed's is :zaeed:
:mordin: is trying to find a former coworker, forgot that in the list


True but it is amusing to point out some of the people who don't have a family related thing actually can't have one due to backstory and thus straddle the line with surrogates and substitutes. The closest thing to an upbringing/fostering/childhood Jack has was with Cerberus though it was clearly abusive, she has no other identity to fall back on (Jacqueline Nought is just a play on Subject Zero) and sadly the closest thing she can have to a cathartic confrontation with her abusers was confronting an inanimate building with a bomb since that project's long been abandoned. Conveniently the last other Cerberus kid is there for her to vent on or to finally walk away from. Moridin's both crazy old and chose not to reproduce despite receiving generous breeding contracts because of his prodigy - the closest thing he could have to a family would be the proteges he's mentored. Likewise the closest thing to family Grunt had was Okeer and he's both dead and didn't leave behind the appropriate mental imprints - he needs a surrogate to guide him through the Krogan rites of passage. You could make less convincing arguments for Kasumi & Garrus imho but it's there for you to squint at since a pattern has certainly emerged. To me only Zaeed's mission is definitely cut from a different cloth.

SubponticatePoster
Aug 9, 2004

Every day takes figurin' out all over again how to fuckin' live.
Slippery Tilde

Event Horizon

The Drink
Escape
1 part rum
4 parts coconut milk
3 parts half & half
Pineapple

Combine ingredients in a blender with a generous amount of ice. Blend until smooth.

Simple version: Put rum in a loving Slurpee

The Drinking Game
Drink your frozen drink every time we see a frozen colonist

The Episode
TIM wants to have a chat. Some colony called Horizon in the rear end in a top hat of nowhere has gone silent. How he knows this is anyone's guess, but he says it means the Collectors are about to attack. Mordin hooks us up with a MacGuffin tech solution so we don't end up getting stuck in the worst game of statue tag ever. Colonists can't calibrate and neither can a former squadmate. Turns out the colonists are being abducted and also a giant cockroach is possessing the Collectors. Collectors are goddamn ugly and look like a combination of crabs and beef jerky. They also like making horrible chimeras out of former people, which we gleefully shoot. Along the way we pick up a new heavy weapon and berate a maintenance worker.

We manage to save half the colony and then Kaiden gets mad at us. Interestingly enough, if you saved Ash she refers to Shepard as a god. Kind of blasphemous coming from the religious lady. Then everyone fucks off to their respective corners.

Thesaya
May 17, 2011

I am a Plant.
So glad Kaidan didn't join. He's so annoying.

Poil
Mar 17, 2007

Thesaya posted:

So glad Kaidan didn't join. He's so annoying.
Yeah, even the mechanic is right about him. Why of why couldn't we have blown him up along with ms racist?

Maybe we could have had him cleaning the toilets on the Normandy 2.0? Burritos for everyone! Especially grunt.

EponymousMrYar
Jan 4, 2015

The enemy of my enemy is my enemy.
Even if it's Kaidan who set Saren up the bomb in ME 1, Ashley is no less insufferable here. It's kind of nice how they are different in their insufferableness though (the mechanic is right both ways.)

hard counter
Jan 2, 2015





Jaden got used for a mission other than his loyalty. This is the most successful he's been in any playthrough.

Kurieg
Jul 19, 2012

RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20
:blizz::gamefreak:

EponymousMrYar posted:

Even if it's Kaidan who set Saren up the bomb in ME 1, Ashley is no less insufferable here. It's kind of nice how they are different in their insufferableness though (the mechanic is right both ways.)

They're both pretty insufferable, particularly if you've romanced them. Both here and in ME3. "How dare you die and get resurrected by a shadowy extraterritorial agency that you've obviously broken ties with!? I thought you loved me!"

grack
Jan 10, 2012

COACH TOTORO SAY REFEREE CAN BANISH WHISTLE TO LAND OF WIND AND GHOSTS!

hard counter posted:

Jaden got used for a mission other than his loyalty. This is the most successful he's been in any playthrough.

Not only is Joe boring and generic, his weapon loadout and his powers are also terrible. The perfect character (to leave on the Normandy)!

JT Jag
Aug 30, 2009

#1 Jaguars Sunk Cost Fallacy-Haver
Someone upthread mentioned that if they gender-swapped Joe and Miranda they would have both been more interesting characters, and I'm inclined to agree.

Kurieg
Jul 19, 2012

RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20
:blizz::gamefreak:

grack posted:

Not only is Joe boring and generic, his weapon loadout and his powers are also terrible. The perfect character (to leave on the Normandy)!

Well, part of that is that the AI characters aren't programmed to use shotguns properly. The other part of it is that basically EVERY biotic character save Miranda has Pull in the game where they introduced alternate health bars that protect against pull.

grack
Jan 10, 2012

COACH TOTORO SAY REFEREE CAN BANISH WHISTLE TO LAND OF WIND AND GHOSTS!

Kurieg posted:

Well, part of that is that the AI characters aren't programmed to use shotguns properly. The other part of it is that basically EVERY biotic character save Miranda has Pull in the game where they introduced alternate health bars that protect against pull.

Yeah. Miranda was basically in my party through most of the game unless I was playing as a Sentinel. One character with both Warp and Overload is really, really useful even if her weapons are crap.





Also, Kaidan was so annoying the Collector's didn't want him. That's saying something.

FoolyCharged
Oct 11, 2012

Cheating at a raffle? I sentence you to 1 year in jail! No! Two years! Three! Four! Five years! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Somebody call for an ant?

I like how flip floppy Shepard can feel in that last conversation.
You spent half the conversation telling Kaiden you weren't actually with Cerberus(Besides totally being paid by them to do missions for them to the point of failing to tell the alliance about this OP)
And then the other half you spend the other half defending Cerberus from him every time he says he doesn't trust them and that this militant organization that breeds lobster monsters and sicks giant worm monsters on alliance patrols MIGHT have something to do with this.

She's trying to wash her hands of Cerberus and then defending their involvement in all this at the same time, they really would have benefited from the option to agree with Kaiden that Cerberus is shady and that the alliance should keep an eye on their involvement.


Also, Jason telling Shepard and Garrus all about the Husks they killed en mass in the first game was hilarious. Shouldn't those conversation trees have prioritized making the knowledgeable squadmate someone who actually fought them?

hard counter
Jan 2, 2015





grack posted:

Not only is Joe boring and generic, his weapon loadout and his powers are also terrible. The perfect character (to leave on the Normandy)!

It's like they purposefully made him as support as possible, pull is just a set-up for biotic bombs this time around and incendiary ammo is something you could spec up so he buffs the party. Barrier does make him survivable but that means holding off until end game... but Grunt does that better anyway.

He did look effective in the video with the geth shotgun tho, normally my squadmates fold like paper on that mission.


grack posted:

Yeah. Miranda was basically in my party through most of the game unless I was playing as a Sentinel. One character with both Warp and Overload is really, really useful even if her weapons are crap.

Conversely Miranda is as useful as possible, slam has both a setup phase for biotic combos and a detonation trigger and her other abilities can strip any defensive layer making her effective on any and every mission. She also passively boosts weapon damage iirc.

grack
Jan 10, 2012

COACH TOTORO SAY REFEREE CAN BANISH WHISTLE TO LAND OF WIND AND GHOSTS!

hard counter posted:

Conversely Miranda is as useful as possible, slam has both a setup phase for biotic combos and a detonation trigger and her other abilities can strip any defensive layer making her effective on any and every mission. She also passively boosts weapon damage iirc.

Weapon damage and health. I always skipped Slam and maxed Warp/Overload/Class skill as she's better used as a detonator character since Warp has a travel when used by Shepard. Even if you don't like Miranda's character she's super useful as a companion.

All that said, I actually didn't mind Miranda as a character. Her character intro is loving awful but once you get the Normandy she's very reasonable to deal with. I also like the fact that even though she's like a high lieutenant in the space KKK she still manages to come across as less racist than Ashley ever did/does.

Spudd
Nov 27, 2007

Protect children from "Safe Schools" social engineering. Shame!

The Collector General never talked in any of my play throughs on both Xbox and PC I don't know why he talks so much for you.

monster on a stick
Apr 29, 2013
Stealing from the dead, that's pretty low.

EponymousMrYar
Jan 4, 2015

The enemy of my enemy is my enemy.

grack posted:

All that said, I actually didn't mind Miranda as a character. Her character intro is loving awful but once you get the Normandy she's very reasonable to deal with. I also like the fact that even though she's like a high lieutenant in the space KKK she still manages to come across as less racist than Ashley ever did/does.

Miranda and Jacob are different takes on the same character archetype that Kaiden and Ashley are. The 'standard subservient soldier' only not whiny and the 'human supremacist' only 'because I was genetically designed to be so and I'm not sure how I feel about that maybe kinda sorta.'
Miranda comes off better because she's something of a fresh take and the VA sells the 'maybe kinda sorta' thing that I pick up on in all her dialogue of her talking about herself. It's pretty subtle.

grack
Jan 10, 2012

COACH TOTORO SAY REFEREE CAN BANISH WHISTLE TO LAND OF WIND AND GHOSTS!
I think you meant John

EponymousMrYar
Jan 4, 2015

The enemy of my enemy is my enemy.
Jacob might be boring but I like him because he doesn't whine incessantly and is generally competent, even if he is a boring support dude. It's enough that I remember his name :colbert:

Kurieg
Jul 19, 2012

RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20
:blizz::gamefreak:
I like Miranda too because her plot arc has a few of the better missions in it. Jacob's ME3 mission is notable only for all the ways you can Get Archer to kill himself in grief. Though that's more an Overlord thing than a Jacob thing

hard counter
Jan 2, 2015





EponymousMrYar posted:

Jacob might be boring but I like him because he doesn't whine incessantly and is generally competent, even if he is a boring support dude. It's enough that I remember his name :colbert:

He mostly suffers from being the mildly pleasant support guy in a game with like 12 team mates - some of whom are returning fan favorites, others of whom are Zaeed.

It's hard to find a slot for him.

monster on a stick
Apr 29, 2013

hard counter posted:

He mostly suffers from being the mildly pleasant support guy in a game with like 12 team mates - some of whom are returning fan favorites, others of whom are Zaeed.

It's hard to find a slot for him.

J-Lo is also the only squadmate who is legitimately terrible during his own loyalty mission. His short-range combat skills put him too close to the enemy, Pull is only useful if you pair it with Warp. I'd heard he originally had an assault rifle instead of a shotgun which would have helped

Thesaya
May 17, 2011

I am a Plant.

EponymousMrYar posted:

Miranda and Jacob are different takes on the same character archetype that Kaiden and Ashley are. The 'standard subservient soldier' only not whiny and the 'human supremacist' only 'because I was genetically designed to be so and I'm not sure how I feel about that maybe kinda sorta.'
Miranda comes off better because she's something of a fresh take and the VA sells the 'maybe kinda sorta' thing that I pick up on in all her dialogue of her talking about herself. It's pretty subtle.

I interpreted it as her being higher tier. The top people of racist, "We are just defending our own/our country/culture" organisations can't afford to let it slip that they are just as racist as the low level "I hate everyone not like me" people.

ikanreed
Sep 25, 2009

I honestly I have no idea who cannibal[SIC] is and I do not know why I should know.

syq dude, just syq!

Thesaya posted:

I interpreted it as her being higher tier. The top people of racist, "We are just defending our own/our country/culture" organisations can't afford to let it slip that they are just as racist as the low level "I hate everyone not like me" people.

Illusive man is trump?

Octatonic
Sep 7, 2010

Pretty much? Claims power and success while in reality being a blowhard with dozens of massively failed projects. Runs projects into the ground personally and directly or not at all. Skates by on name recognition and theatrics? Yeah, it fits for me. We're gonna make humanity great again!!!

SubponticatePoster
Aug 9, 2004

Every day takes figurin' out all over again how to fuckin' live.
Slippery Tilde

monster on a stick posted:

J-Lo is also the only squadmate who is legitimately terrible during his own loyalty mission. His short-range combat skills put him too close to the enemy, Pull is only useful if you pair it with Warp. I'd heard he originally had an assault rifle instead of a shotgun which would have helped
Skoolmunkee and I talked a bit about that during Garrus's recruitment mission. It's a fault of the AI programming that they will always try to get within optimal range using a shotgun. Since all of the shotguns but the GPS have poo poo range they're effectively suicidal. Jack, Jessie, and Tali will always get hosed (Grunt has a shotgun but he's effective at melee range so he'll tank everything just fine). Give 'em the GPS and you're golden.

ikanreed posted:

Illusive man is trump?
TIM is actually smart though, and has some amount of charisma in spite of his abysmal track record of horrible scientific experiments. Plus resurrecting Shep, Normandy 2 and EDI were unqualified successes.

And he has better hair :sad:

edit: VVV :liara:

SubponticatePoster fucked around with this message at 17:48 on Jul 6, 2016

Poil
Mar 17, 2007

At least he has better hair.

edit: dang it!

Kurieg
Jul 19, 2012

RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20
:blizz::gamefreak:
They'll also only use single shots or bursts regardless of what weapon you give them. Meaning your AI partners are usually better off using sniper rifles with long reload times.

hard counter
Jan 2, 2015





monster on a stick posted:

I'd heard he originally had an assault rifle instead of a shotgun which would have helped

You might be remembering the tie-in game.

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DukeofCA
Aug 18, 2011

I am shocked and appalled.

hard counter posted:

You might be remembering the tie-in game.



Johnson has more personality in that one picture than in the entirety of ME2.

Just look at that :smuggo:

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