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Confessions of a Man: - Yes, that 1000$ Laser Drill was 100% mandatory to build that Ikea table. - No, we don't need instructions. Only a six pack of beer. - An item can only be queued once - nagging puts it at the back of the to-do list. - Yes, you look hot. (And so does your friend). - We don't care about your make-up. - Underwear is overrated. On you too. - It wasn't the dog that farted. Bring your confessions men, now is the time to enlighten the ladies! Uxzuigal fucked around with this message at 00:31 on Jul 6, 2016 |
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Jul 6, 2016 00:27
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| # ? Apr 29, 2024 05:08 |
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Uxzuigal posted:Confessions of a Man:
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Jul 6, 2016 00:35
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-replacing the toilet seat was only a 5 minute job. The extra 40 minutes were me testing out its comfort and shitposting. -if I had to choose between the dog or the cat, I'd choose the dog. If I had to choose between the dog or you, I'd choose the dog. If I had to choose between you or the cat, I'd still choose the dog. -I actually did shoot the deputy. I just didn't want to seem too eager to impress you. |
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Jul 6, 2016 00:37
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I Was The Fury posted:-if I had to choose between the dog or the cat, I'd choose the dog. If I had to choose between the dog or you, I'd choose the dog. If I had to choose between you or the cat, I'd still choose the dog. Mainly because the dog doesn't come to me with these dumb ultimatums every loving week, Carol |
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Jul 6, 2016 00:38
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Baby I can't make you one of my trademarked power-sandwiches too because we only have 5lbs of meat in this house and that is barely enough for one.
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Jul 6, 2016 00:43
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sports
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Jul 6, 2016 00:45
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-when I said I "would wash the dishes" if you cooked, I meant I "would [eventually] wash the dishes [when I ran out of microwave safe bowls.]" |
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Jul 6, 2016 00:46
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when i said i wouldn't be a chauvinistic pig. well... |
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Jul 6, 2016 00:48
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- Pooping takes 1min, reading the papers takes 29min.
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Jul 6, 2016 01:04
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<3 
<3 Vanisher |
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when I say I want to "Netflix and chill" what I actually want to do is "HBO GO and chill". |
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Jul 6, 2016 01:17
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| The keys weren't hidden... I ate them... | |
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Jul 6, 2016 01:20
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I envy the people of the Netherlands because of their stroopwafels. I have never had one but they look very good.
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Jul 6, 2016 01:31
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oh gosh folks where do i start - once said i was drinking a chai latte to sound hip but idk what a chai even is - im the guy who sings happy birthday really out of tune for laughs - had a chance to pet a dog, but did not - 'the tell-tale heart' was based on my guilt over secretly burying a dead guinea pig - saw 2 teachers in the closet making babies + one of the babies looked at me |
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Jul 6, 2016 02:18
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TRON JEREMY posted:- had a chance to pet a dog, but did not This is not the confession of a man, but instead a monster |
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Jul 6, 2016 02:26
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TRON JEREMY posted:- had a chance to pet a dog, but did not - - - Confession: I once dumped a girl on her birthday while she was in the hospital after throat surgery... I still feel bad. She has forgiven me. But I was an rear end in a top hat. She kinda was too though. Still, I feel guilt.
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Jul 6, 2016 02:34
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The degree of spousal selective hearing loss is directly proportional to the pointlessness of the requested chore. |
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Jul 6, 2016 03:50
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TRON JEREMY posted:
Monster!!
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Jul 6, 2016 04:56
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I am not from Nuntucket |
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Jul 6, 2016 05:50
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[exitedly yelling into phone] "Tim. Tim Allen? It's your cousin Marvin. You know those new man jokes you're looking for? Well, listen to these! [holds the receiver against thread] |
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Jul 6, 2016 06:05
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Pizza is so a vegetable.
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Jul 6, 2016 08:15
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I like hugs.
---------------- |
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Jul 6, 2016 09:07
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Barking Gecko posted:The degree of spousal selective hearing loss is directly proportional to the pointlessness of the requested chore.
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Jul 6, 2016 11:10
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Piso Mojado posted:[exitedly yelling into phone] "Tim. Tim Allen? It's your cousin Marvin. You know those new man jokes you're looking for? Well, listen to these! lol |
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Jul 6, 2016 11:55
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Piso Mojado posted:[exitedly yelling into phone] "Tim. Tim Allen? It's your cousin Marvin. You know those new man jokes you're looking for? Well, listen to these! oh my god ~sig~ |
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Jul 6, 2016 12:53
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~*
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-I did in fact shrink the kids
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Jul 6, 2016 14:03
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Piso Mojado posted:[exitedly yelling into phone] "Tim. Tim Allen? It's your cousin Marvin. You know those new man jokes you're looking for? Well, listen to these! |
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Jul 6, 2016 18:33
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Piso Mojado posted:[exitedly yelling into phone] "Tim. Tim Allen? It's your cousin Marvin. You know those new man jokes you're looking for? Well, listen to these! https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Jul 6, 2016 18:35
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Piso Mojado posted:[exitedly yelling into phone] "Tim. Tim Allen? It's your cousin Marvin. You know those new man jokes you're looking for? Well, listen to these!
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Jul 6, 2016 18:41
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Piso Mojado posted:[exitedly yelling into phone] "Tim. Tim Allen? It's your cousin Marvin. You know those new man jokes you're looking for? Well, listen to these! this is one of like two good posts in this thread but it's a very good post |
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Jul 6, 2016 20:30
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i think a lot about things and i get really emotional also i think women would do a good job running everything ---------------- |
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Jul 7, 2016 08:05
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*throws a Chevy 350 small block engine through a wall* |
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Jul 7, 2016 20:59
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Yes, we sometimes like scented candles. It's just that sometimes the scent from them can be juuuust powerful enough to be annoying. |
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Jul 8, 2016 00:25
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Piso Mojado posted:[exitedly yelling into phone] "Tim. Tim Allen? It's your cousin Marvin. You know those new man jokes you're looking for? Well, listen to these! One quote isn't enough
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Jul 8, 2016 00:29
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I will sometimes break things in anger while trying to fix them, making the overall repair more expensive than if I didn't try to ragefix it. My inner child laughs at me when I ragefix things Ragefixing is my fave hobby 
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Jul 8, 2016 00:44
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i have 29 distinct health complaints. no, i will not see a doctor. |
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Jul 8, 2016 01:21
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treasure bear posted:i have 29 distinct health complaints. no, i will not see a doctor. same but I secretly regret not going to a doctor and ruining things but I will never tell anyone
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Jul 8, 2016 01:31
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I'm still patiently waiting for the male equivalent of a sundress. |
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Jul 8, 2016 01:34
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Macnult posted:I'm still patiently waiting for the male equivalent of a sundress. It's an oversize tank top, cotton |
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Jul 8, 2016 02:24
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hell, I've never even been to mars |
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Jul 9, 2016 02:08
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| # ? Apr 29, 2024 05:08 |
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Piso Mojado posted:[exitedly yelling into phone] "Tim. Tim Allen? It's your cousin Marvin. You know those new man jokes you're looking for? Well, listen to these! |
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Jul 9, 2016 02:11
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