BBM Super-League XXIX: The World Ends With Yu Darvish

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Clangbang: Jun 3, 2016

Pick 'em: First Round!

Sindhi Sheikhs in 3 4-1
Kernels in 4 9-2
Portland Panderers in 5 7-6
Commission in 4 8-1

# ? Jul 4, 2016 20:13

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# ? May 26, 2024 18:25

StupidSexyMothman: Aug 9, 2010

Pick 'em: First Round!
Pick the Winners, number of games (best of five) and score of the final game
Sindhi Sheikhs in 4, 7-3
Mitchell Kernels in 5, 6-1
Portland Panderers in 4, 3-2
South Bolton Eazy W's in 4, 5-3

# ? Jul 4, 2016 20:18

Pander: Oct 9, 2007; Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.

Portland Panderers Round one roster

Starters
Game 1 (home): Kershaw
Game 2 (home): Hamels
Game 3 (road): Powell
Game 4 (road): Spahn
Game 5 (home): Kershaw

Lineup
2B Collins
LF Clarke
DH Burkett
RF Waner
CF Roush
1B Fonseca
3B Traynor
C Lee
SS Vizquel

Bullpen
CL Kimbrel
SU Vincent
SR Quackenbush
SR Benoit
MR Adams
LR Johnson

Bench
C Hargrave
SS Cronin
1B Brouthers
OF Strunk
3B Elliott

# ? Jul 4, 2016 20:20

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

Now, I didn't major in math. But by my count, Martin Dihigo can only pitch in one game this series. But if he were to hit... why, he could play in many games! It just makes sense.

Chad Bradford and Prince Fielder return to parts unknown. John Ward and Walter Johnson come up.

SP1: Juan Marichal *Starts Game 1!*
SP2: Stephen Strasburg
SP3: Doc White
SP4: John Ward
Mopup: Walter Johnson
Closer: Greg Holland
Setup: Joakim Soria
Short: Willie Hernandez
Middle: Stubby Overmire
Long: Rick Reuschel

Lineup vs RHP
1. CF Billy Hamilton
2. DH Ted Williams
3. 1B Mickey Mantle
4. RF Babe Ruth
5. C Bill Dickey
6. LF Barry Bonds
7. SS Alex Rodriguez
8. 3B George Kell
9. 2B Joe Morgan

Lineup vs LHP
1. CF Billy Hamilton
2. LF Joe Kelley
3. DH Ted Williams
4. RF Babe Ruth
5. 1B Mickey Mantle
6. C Wally Schang
7. 3B George Kell
8. SS Martin Dihigo
9. 2B Ryne Sandberg

That leaves Polanco and Aaron on the bench full-time.

# ? Jul 5, 2016 01:42

Pander: Oct 9, 2007; Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.

Ice To Meet You posted:

Now, I didn't major in math. But by my count, Martin Dihigo can only pitch in one game this series. But if he were to hit... why, he could play in many games! It just makes sense.

Chad Bradford and Prince Fielder return to parts unknown. John Ward and Walter Johnson come up.

SP1: Juan Marichal *Starts Game 1!*
SP2: Stephen Strasburg
SP3: Doc White
SP4: John Ward
Mopup: Walter Johnson
Closer: Greg Holland
Setup: Joakim Soria
Short: Willie Hernandez
Middle: Stubby Overmire
Long: Rick Reuschel

Lineup vs RHP
1. CF Billy Hamilton
2. DH Ted Williams
3. 1B Mickey Mantle
4. RF Babe Ruth
5. C Bill Dickey
6. LF Barry Bonds
7. SS Alex Rodriguez
8. 3B George Kell
9. 2B Joe Morgan

Lineup vs LHP
1. CF Billy Hamilton
2. LF Joe Kelley
3. DH Ted Williams
4. RF Babe Ruth
5. 1B Mickey Mantle
6. C Wally Schang
7. 3B George Kell
8. SS Martin Dihigo
9. 2B Ryne Sandberg

That leaves Polanco and Aaron on the bench full-time.

I get the feeling Smasher is going to treat you making Dihigo a position player as roughly an equivalent gimmick to playing Aaron Ledesma.

edit: wait, you're sitting A-Rod vs lefties? wow.

# ? Jul 5, 2016 02:08

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

Not against lefties per se, but in your ballpark.

# ? Jul 5, 2016 02:10

Pander: Oct 9, 2007; Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.

Ice To Meet You posted:

Not against lefties per se, but in your ballpark.

Well, as it stands A-Rod is only going to hit in your park in game 3 vs Powell.

# ? Jul 5, 2016 02:12

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

Regrettable, but I think we can defeat Cole Hamels without his help.

# ? Jul 5, 2016 02:32

Mornacale: Dec 19, 2007; n=y where
y=hope and n=folly,
prospects=lies, win=lose,

self=Pirates

Hole Camels

# ? Jul 5, 2016 05:51

The Goog: Aug 6, 2007; It's a Goog Day, yes it is!

Pick 'em: First Round!
South Dakota Marmosets in 5, 4-1
Mitchell Kernels in 4, 5-2
Khartoum Doom in 4, 4-3
South Bolton Eazy W's in 4, 6-2

# ? Jul 5, 2016 06:09

Ginge: Sep 8, 2011; Well, Chippy is already my favourite character!

I'll make sure I get the division banners up today.

# ? Jul 5, 2016 06:40

Beet: Aug 24, 2003

Thresh this, Marmosets.

Pitching setup unchanged, since Sallee is still not rested enough.

vs. RHP
1. LF Tim Raines
2. 1B Buck Leonard
3. SS The MACHINE
4. RF Babe Ruth
5. C Johnny Bench
6. CF Earle Combs
7. 3B Paul Molitor
8. 2B Frankie Frisch

vs. LHP
1. LF Tim Raines
2. 1B Buck Leonard
3. 2B The MACHINE
4. RF Babe Ruth
5. C Johnny Bench
6. CF Roger Bresnahan
7. SS Robin Yount
8. 3B Frankie Frisch

# ? Jul 5, 2016 15:30

shepard.shouldgo: Feb 2, 2016

post removed because its a terrible idea

shepard.shouldgo fucked around with this message at 16:18 on Jul 5, 2016

# ? Jul 5, 2016 16:00

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

Welp. Time for yet another failed Potato Uprising.

"Self high-five, comrades."
Team Name: Idaho Potatoes
Home City: Lewiston, Idaho
Home Stadium: Lukashenko Dome -- Domed, Artificial Turf, Excellent infield, Medium grass, Fair visibility, Large foul ground, LF 331 LCF 390 CF 405 RCF 387 RF 327.
DH Preference: Would prefer no-DH but not exactly picky

Feeders:
2015 Washington Nationals (4)
2015 Kansas City Royals (3)
2006 Seattle Mariners (2)
1916 St. Louis Cardinals (2)

30-Man Roster:
C Salvador Perez (2015 KC)
1B Ryan Zimmerman (2015 WSH)
1B Babe Ruth (1918 BOS)
2B Rogers Hornsby (1916 STL)
3B Adrian Beltre (2006 SEA)
SS Ian Desmond (2015 WSH)
SS Carlos Correa (2017 HOU) (wtf)
LF Barry Bonds (1987 PIT)
CF Lorenzo Cain (2015 KC)
RF Babe Ruth (1915 BOS)
OF Bryce Harper (2015 WSH)
IF Danny Espinosa (2015 WSH)
C Kenji Johjima (2006 SEA)
OF Ichiro Suzuki (2006 SEA)
IF John Olerud (2001 SEA)
P Felix Hernandez (2006 SEA)
P Johnny Cueto (2015 KC)
P Bill Doak (1916 STL)
P Stephen Strasburg (2015 WSH)
P Max Scherzer (2015 WSH)
P Greg Holland (2015 KC)
P Drew Storen (2015 WSH)
P Jonathan Papelbon (2015 WSH)
P Kelvin Herrara (2015 KC)
P Matt Thornton (2015 WSH)
P Wade Davis (2015 KC)
P Ryan Madson (2015 KC)
P Kris Medlen (2015 KC)
P Edinson Volquez (2015 KC)
P Jordan Zimmermann (2015 WSH)

Lineup vs Both
CF Lorenzo Cain
1B Babe Ruth 1918
2B Rogers Hornsby
RF Babe Ruth
3B Adrian Beltre
SS Carlos Correa
LF Barry Bonds
C Salvador Perez
(pitcher)
:siren:

Let Mogul auto-sort. Fucks status: Zero given. :siren:

Bench
OF Bryce Harper (2015 WSH)
IF Danny Espinosa (2015 WSH)
C Kenji Johjima (2006 SEA)
OF Ichiro Suzuki (2006 SEA)
IF Eric Hosmer (2015 KC)

Starting Rotation
SP1 Felix Hernandez (SEA)
SP2 Johnny Cueto (KC)
SP3 Bill Doak (STL)
SP4 Stephen Strasburg (WSH)
SP5 Max Scherzer (WSH)

Bullpen:
CL Greg Holland (KC)
SU Drew Storen (WSH)
SR Jonathan Papelbon (WSH)
SR Kelvin Herrara (KC)
MR Matt Thornton (WSH)
MR Wade Davis (KC)
LR Ryan Madson (KC)

Minors:
OF 1925 Goose Goslin
OF 1925 Earle Combs
P Kris Medlen (2015 KC)
P Edinson Volquez (2015 KC)
P Jordan Zimmermann (2015 WSH)

Strategy (Rate on a scale from -5 to +5)
will figure out later, leave everything neutral for now

CSV

code:

perezsa02,2015,,,,Salvador,Perez
zimmery01,2015,,,,Ryan,Zimmerman
hornsro01,1916,,,,Rogers,Hornsby
beltrad01,2006,,,,Adrian,Beltre
desmoia01,2015,,,,Ian,Desmond
bondsba01,1987,,,,Barry,Bonds
cainlo01,2015,,,,Lorenzo,Cain
ruthba01,1915,,,,Babe,Ruth
ruthba01,1918,,,,Babe,Ruth
harpebr03,2015,,,,Bryce,Harper
espinda01,2015,,,,Danny,Espinosa
correca01,2017,,,,Carlos,Correa
johjike01,2006,,,,Kenji,Johjima
suzukic01,2006,,,,Ichiro,Suzuki
olerujo01,2001,,,,John,Olerud
gosligo01,1925,,,,Goose,Goslin
combsea01,1925,,,,Earle,Combs
hernafe02,2006,,,,Felix,Hernandez
cuetojo01,2015,,,,Johnny,Cueto
doakbi01,1916,,,,Bill,Doak
strasst01,2015,,,,Stephen,Strasburg
scherma01,2015,,,,Max,Scherzer
hollagr01,2015,,,,Greg,Holland
storedr01,2015,,,,Drew,Storen
papeljo01,2015,,,,Jonathan,Papelbon
herreke01,2015,,,,Kelvin,Herrera
thornma01,2015,,,,Matt,Thornton
daviswa01,2015,,,,Wade,Davis
madsory01,2015,,,,Ryan,Madson
medlekr01,2015,,,,Kris,Medlen
volqued01,2015,,,,Edinson,Volquez
zimmejo02,2015,,,,Jordan,Zimmermann

# ? Jul 5, 2016 17:31

TheMcD: May 4, 2013; Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.

Grinnblade posted:

SS Carlos Correa (2017 HOU) (wtf)

Just as a quick FYI, 2017 Carlos Correa was part of Smasher's bribe towards CaptainYesterday for the Stoned Lightning to not go to the Super-League when they won their division in the EC - the bribe was an assortment of Astros greats. Of course, given that it's the Astros, the amount of greats was a bit limited, so a future Carlos Correa also joined the fun.

# ? Jul 5, 2016 17:40

Mornacale: Dec 19, 2007; n=y where
y=hope and n=folly,
prospects=lies, win=lose,

self=Pirates

Much ado has been made of the home run prowess of the Mexico City Mexicutioners. This has offended both the gods and, more importantly, the SpL Home Run King Manny Ramirez. There is only one solution: a side bet. The terms:

The team to hit the most home runs in our upcoming playoff series receives the better of the Janus's & Mexicutioners' 4th-round Dispersal Draft picks. The team to dinger less gets the lower pick, as well as eternal shame.

What say you, rabidsquid?

# ? Jul 5, 2016 23:01

rabidsquid: Oct 11, 2004; LOVES THE KOG

I believe this to be a fools bet, as at minimum half the games will be played in a stadium where 40% of my power will be neutralized, versus the Janus who will have full power potential in every game. No deal

# ? Jul 5, 2016 23:04

mentholmoose: Nov 5, 2009; YKNOW THERES ONLY ONE DIRECTION I KNOW AND THATS DRIVIN STRAIGHT TO THE NET

Right, let's fix one issue, with a trade! :siren:

OKC Bombers send:
1910 Nap Lajoie
1970 Joe Morgan
4th Round Pick

Slaughterhouse Nine send:
1929 Eddie Collins

# ? Jul 6, 2016 00:23

Monicro: Oct 21, 2010; And you could feel his features in the air
A wide smile and perfect hair
He had complete control of the rising tides
And a medicine bag hanging at his side

In the flowing blue world of the death-dealing physician

Accepted, and the Nine now have three respectable 2Bs available just taking up space plus an extra pick. Food for thought~

# ? Jul 6, 2016 00:25

Mornacale: Dec 19, 2007; n=y where
y=hope and n=folly,
prospects=lies, win=lose,

self=Pirates

rabidsquid posted:

I believe this to be a fools bet, as at minimum half the games will be played in a stadium where 40% of my power will be neutralized, versus the Janus who will have full power potential in every game. No deal

It is wise for man not to challenge the might of the gods.

# ? Jul 6, 2016 00:27

Yaya: Nov 14, 2012; vancloober cablucks

Jokes on you, nerds. Now instead of the Collins Plague, it'll just be my rookie Collins Benjamin Buttoning all of yours

# ? Jul 6, 2016 00:28

Monicro: Oct 21, 2010; And you could feel his features in the air
A wide smile and perfect hair
He had complete control of the rising tides
And a medicine bag hanging at his side

In the flowing blue world of the death-dealing physician

As part of my trolling campaign I did at one point consider just starting to insist that eddie collins is just straight up bad

# ? Jul 6, 2016 00:37

TheMcD: May 4, 2013; Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.

Mornacale posted:

It is wise for man not to challenge the might of the gods.

You're just asking for an impromptu Macho Men Challenge right now, just to make sure everybody is in the clear about just who exactly the gods here are.

# ? Jul 6, 2016 00:39

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

I am a god. Hurry up with my drat massage.

# ? Jul 6, 2016 01:24

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

Sub-Par League VIII: Bush League Championship Series

A tale of former friends, turned to mortal enemies by the tides of fate...

The Mexico City Mexicutioners, after barely holding on to a spot in the league last season, proved that their surprising first season was no fluke. How did they make it this far? A combination of two key strategies: adding even more dingers to their lineup, and intentionally crippling some of the Krakow Dragons' best players. But there has been some regression this year, more balance in their lineup. While there were dingers top to bottom, no single player made it to 40 home runs in the season, a mark that was surpassed 7 times in their first two seasons. And up against power pitching, it might be more desirable to have a few guys with a great chance at a dinger, than all the guys with a good chance.

The Genoa Janus finally broke free of the CraigK menace to take the Punjabi Prison division and the best record in the league. They used a very complicated strategy, involving a field heavily skewed toward right-handed hitters at home, and had two separate rotations of players for home and road games. In short, they were designed specifically to piss people off. And at that, they succeeded. Their stadium should be effective at limiting the left-handed, and more dangerous, half of the Mexicutioners lineup - but their power pitchers will be vulnerable on the road at the high altitude of Mexico City. The Janus won the season series between the teams 12-10, so anything is possible here.

Game 1: Mexico City Mexicutioners @ Genoa Janus (Series Tied 0-0)

Keith Wuncler CXXXIV posted:

Part 1: Assaulted in our own homes

Please state your name, for the record.

"I'm, er, Eddie Collins."

Thank you, Mr. Collins. As part of the UN Commission on Reconciliation and Truth, I'm here to record your memories of these tragic events for posterity. You were a participant and front line eyewitness to the war.

"Uh, yeah. I was there. It wasn't like we didn't know it was gonna happen, right? We saw the SPACEFISH fail. We could read the League standings chart. The headlines were lousy with news of the impending Dinger wave. The Scientists, they were helpless as usual. Dragons were slain. The Americans were overrun. Everyone retreated to Genoa."

Why Genoa?

"I dunno. That's for someone above my paygrade to tell you."

Moving on then. The first wave broke on Oct 13, Sub-Par League VII. You were preparing at Dent AFB when they came.

"It was terrible. We all knew they were coming. It's not like the playoff schedule is a state secret, right? I was in the dugout, the tension thick as grits on a muggy Georgia morning. The game began and suddenly there were three runs on the board and it wasn't even the first three outs. I will never forget A-Rod, rearing up on his centaur legs, eyes flashing this horrible red, slamming a dinger in the first.

That was only the start."

What was the resistance like? You're here to describe this, after all.

"It was bad. We didn't know if we were going to make it at the time. We put up a run in the second inning but that was only to counter the other run they also put a few minutes earlier. They kept coming! Endless waves of singles and doubles."

But the AFB was designed to at least mitigate some of their advantages.

"Them eggheads, they at least planned something worthwhile. A monstrous Teddy Williams crushed a pitch and we were all pissing our pants, but the long right field wall held. Any other place, it'd been a horrifying dinger. It was 'only' a triple, but it gave us hope."

The war would be won with dingers. What did you feel when the Janus brought them out?

"Dingers are a weapon I rightly say I can have no business with. Ronnie [Santo] got on base the way God intended, with a single, but then Ernie Banks came out...and I don't know. I will not say ill of that man because his dinger stopped the Mexicutioners cold. Mind you, it was still 6-3 but they would go no further."

The counter-attack was more conventional.

"Yup, no devil-spawned dingers. We all took turns slapping singles into the far corners of the field. Those bastards were reeling, and by the end we were in the lead and had it but good."

And...yet, you were there for the final bomb.

"I ain't got any quarrel with the Mexicans. What the Mexicutioners did, they were a terror to all humanity. But that don't mean you take some cheap shots to make a point, like Banks did in the eighth. We were already winning! That was a senseless three-run dinger when they were already whipped."

So you support the investigation into war crimes for excessive force?

"Look, I am no snitch. Things were done, it was a desperate time. If folks got carried away, then let it rest with the remains of those poor souls at the Dent. Nothing good can come out of digging that up."

What about the fact you went 0-5 that game?

"You shut your dirty whore mouth."

Box Score

Game 2: Mexico City Mexicutioners @ Genoa Janus (GEN Leads 1-0)

Keith Wuncler CXXXIV posted:

Part 2: Holding the Line

"This interview is taking place under protest."

Duly noted. This is, however, not a legal proceeding and you are instructed to proceed regardless, Mr. Thomas.

"Be that way. I am not going to be cooperative."

Need I remind you that as part of your work-release agreement that you are to give us your account of the second game.

"Stupid lawyers. Always messin' with everything. If that's the tack you want to take then let's do this."

You held off the Mexicutioners' assault in the first game. They had regrouped for the second and were massing at the walls.

"That's right. As was expected of them, they drew first blood, in a hurry too."

Ted Williams hit a single and then stole second, scoring a run in the first.

"It was like they had no respect. Those Mexicutioners were vandals. They pissed on us, they launched dingers with impunity. Letting Teddy steal a base? That was an outrage. This would not stand."

Yet, it was not they who went for the dinger option first.

"You want an admission? Yes, I stepped up to the plate. I hit that motherfucking dinger out of the motherfucking park. There. I said it."

Using the Dinger Option first has been a controversial call in the suppression of the Mexicutioners uprising.

"It was only a matter of time before they'd do the same to us. A pre-emptive dinger strike was called for. When I hit that dinger, I felt strong. Powerful. You don't understand what it's like to launch a ball into the stratosphere. To feel the surge as you strike down your foes with such impunity."

This is why the UN had called for a moratorium on dingers. They are a dangerous weapon, and their indiscriminate use has lead to massive consequences for all involved. Like your treatment for dinger addiction.

"You are a civilian, right?

I've been in the reserves of a minor league team.

"That's nothing. You want to know the full fear and terror of pro-sports, you gotta be in the Show. You know nothing. And anyway, it's not like that won the game by itself. You sissies that can't stand the power of the dinger, ordered us to stand down. The Mexicutioners took that as a sign of weakness."

The Miggy Cabrera dinger in the second inning has been a point of contention.

"That tied the game back up. We were handcuffed because of the weak-kneed pussies who were afraid of dingers in their own backyards. We could have finished them if we had authorization, but the game ground on.

"Singles were met with singles. They scored, we scored. If they had let us hit more dingers, we'd not have had the situation in the eighth."

Ron Santo has been debriefed but his image remains somewhat...tarnished.

"Man, you can't even admit you hosed this up. We were nursing a small lead through most of the game, and you let Jeurys Familia come in and pitch. What the gently caress was wrong with you people?"

His pitching was fine, but Santo did not field the ball correctly. Those runs were unearned. In any event, Santo did hit the walk-off double to end it in the tenth.

"Man, I don't know how to get it through your thick skull, it wouldn't have mattered. None of that would have mattered if we were given some slack on the leash. We had the power of dingers at our disposal and we were hamstrung by a chickenshit leadership. The game dragged on, risking everything because you were too loving spinele--"

That's enough. Please restrain yourself.

[At this point the interview was stopped while a sedative was given to Frank Thomas.]

Box Score

Game 3: Genoa Janus @ Mexico City Mexicutioners (GEN Leads 2-0)

Keith Wuncler CXXXIV posted:

Part 3: Taking it to the Enemy

[Editor's Note: This interview has been translated from the Spanish where possible.]

Hola, I'm here from the UN and I would like to ask --

"Are you here to gloat? Lord over your defeated foes? I will not give you that pleasure, yanqui.

There is no need for hostility. You were granted asylum, despite calls from some of the other nations to be punished for your role in the Mexicutioners' uprising. Unless you find your current situation unacceptable?

"Ja, ja, ja, that is what you all say. I don't know how your Scientists got so many Bill Bernhards, but for now I am satisfied with my treatment. It is good to be among my own kind."

We are looking to put on the record your experiences as the pitcher in game three, and as one of the few survivors from the Mexicutioners your insight would be valued.

"Stupid. What is there to say? We were driven back to our refuge after the failure of the first two games at Genoa. You chased us to Mexico City, where we would bury you. That was the destiny we were promised and seized. It is only by luck that you prevailed."

You say this, but you gave up three runs in the second inning. That seems less like luck than a failure of the team's strategy.

"We were faithful. Our gods promised us, if we would only shed enough blood for them, the might of dingers. We propitiated them with our rituals and waited, when we would strike you down under the fury of our accumulated dingers."

I'm sure the religious-specialized anthropologists would enjoy going over your catechisms, but I fail to see how letting five straight batters on base through singles helped you at all.

"That was a sign. A sign that we had failed to satiate the gods. Their favor withdrawn, all that remained was tears and sorrow."

This is all very interesting, but we need to keep to the topic at hand. After all, the only dinger hit was by the Janus, not the Mexicutioners this game.

"Such sacrilege. You had already scored on a triple hit by your Guerrero, and your players had thirsted for more. Yes...I can hear the cries of ecstasy and pain that our gods have rejoiced in the offerings. Even when I was retired to watch your Manny [Ramirez] give himself up to Lord Dinger, I could feel the spirits sing in harmony to the sound of the bat throbbing from the dinger."

We're not here to--

"You asked for my testimony, and I am giving it. Do you understand what you had done? You came to our dinger fane. You, who were frightened of the power of dingers, had embraced it to fight us off. Now, even in defeat, we who remain and keep our faith can see that the gods were crafty after all. The curse of dingermania has spread. Your players, they shake when they cannot hit dingers. Admit it! You may have taken this game. You may yet win the finals. But our only cause is to tell the world of dingers so that all may glory in them.

"In that we have succeeded. Not one team left has the will to withdraw from dingers. And I am satisfied that this outcome is as good as winning ourselves."

This interview is over.

Box Score

Game 4: Genoa Janus @ Mexico City Mexicutioners (GEN Leads 3-0)

Keith Wuncler CXXXIV posted:

Thank you for consenting to this interview, Mr. Schang.

"It's my pleasure. My cell isn't quite built for company and to get out and about aside from your scheduled exercise hours is a treat, even if the reason for your visit is, well, less than pleasant."

I apologize if I'm dredging up unhappy memories but my purpose here is to keep a record so it may not be forgotten. You played an instrumental part in the final act of the series, so it is natural to speak with you. I'm just a little surprised you did not decline.

"There's been something I've been meaning to get off my chest and you're the perfect person to unload this burden I've been carrying. So let's take it from the top.
"You have to understand that when we came to Mexico City, it wasn't to go sightseeing or visit relations. We were there to finish a war we did not start."

I didn't ask for a defense of your actions, only a description. Please.

"Fine. There we are, in that hellacious stadium the Mexicutioners call home. The top brass thought to start Nolan Ryan, which would be one of those debacles that get written up in officer training as a warning to the new butter-bars about inflexibility with your rotation."

The first inning must have been a shock to all of you.

"Everyone knew this was coming. You put a fast ball pitcher with questionable control on the mound that's already sitting at the summit of a mountain, what did people think would happen? The only surprise was that the Mexicutioners didn't take that opportunity to use all the dingers on us."

It has been noted that they went up 4-0 on the strength of a bunch of singles and walks. That seemed to have marked a change from how they did things, the way their threat to the League was perceived.

"As I said during the tribunal, how you score your runs is the same as anything else. The Mexicutioners rode the dinger to conquering all before them, but it failed them, so they tried something else. If we were caught off guard, that was our fault. And we had to retaliate or watch as everything we gained turn into dust."

That was done in a hurry.

"Let me tell you, they lit a fire under our rear end. We marched back and hit them in the same way in the next inning. Santo, Banks, Guerrero, they set it up. I took advantage of what they did with my single, and Collins wrapped it up. When I doubled again, later in the fourth inning, that was it. We knew at that moment we had won."

But you didn't stop. Even when the Mexicutioners were on their knees you continued.

"Sir, it was war. They brought this scourge of dingers upon us, and if they were at all honorable they'd have never done so. For all the misery they sowed during the regular season, for all the teams that were destroyed on their way to us, the final line in the sand. They spared none on their way to us and they asked for no quarter even to the last."

Surely though, 6-4, it was unnecessary to have piled the dingers on them.

"We had stared into the abyss. What makes a good man do awful things? Ask Willie Mays, he struck first with his solo dinger. I was following my orders as a good catcher does. Perhaps we were all inured to the destruction that the dingers created. When I hit my two-run bomb, I felt no regrets. Let them choke on the dinger, see how that felt. By the time the game ended, we had completely demolished them. We had to make it a point; no one fucks with us and lives."

Now you've become the very thing that you abhorred. An insatiable hitter of dingers.

"I know the UN saw things differently. But we ended them. If we took their weapon and turned it against them, then that was merely poor planning on their part. A double-edged sword and all that. I know that polite society has to dispose of things that they find embarrassing, and that's why I'm languishing in this prison while you hypocrites can live without the fear of dingers destroying your homes and loved ones. That is the tariff fighting monsters extracted from us.

"If I, Wally Schang, can hit dingers, what hope is there for the rest of humanity? Chew on that while you feel safe from the threat of marauding Mexicutioners terrorizing the land with their dingers."

Thank you, that will be all for now. Maybe we can speak later, about the finals...

Box Score

Keith Wuncler CXXXIV posted:

[Conclusion]
It appears that our worst fears have been confirmed. We stood against a tide of dingers, but now we have fallen under the sway of the same powers that gave impetus to the Mexicutioners' dinger apocalypse. If nothing is done, soon all the League will experience rapid and irreversible dingermania, the likes of which will infect all our players. We have no cure for this at the present time.

We only can pray that this fever passes, or else we are doomed to a nightmare of endless dingers. The future is a human face, stamped by a cleated foot, forever

# ? Jul 6, 2016 01:54

Mornacale: Dec 19, 2007; n=y where
y=hope and n=folly,
prospects=lies, win=lose,

self=Pirates

The Mexicutioners scored first (in the first, even) in every single game, that's wild as hell.

Great season, rabidsquid. I'll do my best to prove the DH league is the greatest.

e: I may as well ask now: if I win the Subpar, and choose as my prize being placed into the Norris-Smythe Division, what will happen?

Mornacale fucked around with this message at 05:28 on Jul 6, 2016

# ? Jul 6, 2016 04:40

Pander: Oct 9, 2007; Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.

Mornacale posted:

The Mexicutioners scored first (in the first, even) in every single game, that's wild as hell.

Great season, rabidsquid. I'll do my best to prove the DH league is the greatest.

e: I may as well ask now: if I win the Subpar, and choose as my prize being placed into the Norris-Smythe Division, what will happen?

You'll have the Brits tell you "gently caress off, we're full" and have to pick again.

# ? Jul 6, 2016 05:43

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Mornacale posted:

The Mexicutioners scored first (in the first, even) in every single game, that's wild as hell.

Great season, rabidsquid. I'll do my best to prove the DH league is the greatest.

e: I may as well ask now: if I win the Subpar, and choose as my prize being placed into the Norris-Smythe Division, what will happen?

Hey, if you come to me and say, "Smasher, I don't think my team can hack it against the Bombers and the Panderers." I'll let you go to the Norris-Smythe Division. I would probably move the Killer Mikes to the Senor Goodtimes Division if that happened, since they have the least seniority in the division.

# ? Jul 6, 2016 05:58

Ginge: Sep 8, 2011; Well, Chippy is already my favourite character!

Congrats to BWFC for having so many championships that I could no longer fit them all on.

# ? Jul 6, 2016 06:52

Mornacale: Dec 19, 2007; n=y where
y=hope and n=folly,
prospects=lies, win=lose,

self=Pirates

Smasher Dynamo posted:

Hey, if you come to me and say, "Smasher, I don't think my team can hack it against the Bombers and the Panderers." I'll let you go to the Norris-Smythe Division. I would probably move the Killer Mikes to the Senor Goodtimes Division if that happened, since they have the least seniority in the division.

Ah, well, facing the Mikes again would be a third of the point of joining the Norris-Smythe, so I suppose that's out.

# ? Jul 6, 2016 08:00

Beet: Aug 24, 2003

On a much more upbeat note than the literal war crimes that came with the Janus-Mexicutioners series, the creation of the division banners reminds me that the Sheikhs have succeeded where none of the Dervishes could. That is, not only finding life in odd-numbered seasons, but divisional championships as well. In any case, I look forward to finally seeing the end of the monster I inadvertently created in CFBalla when we meet on the field in the DLCS. Don't lose, man. gently caress the Zephyrs, we need this.

# ? Jul 6, 2016 08:53

ForeverBWFC: Oct 19, 2011; Oh, the lads! You should've seen 'em running!
Ask 'em why and they reply the Bolton Boys are coming! All the lads and lasses, smiles upon their faces,

WALKING DOWN THE MANNY ROAD, TO SEE THE BURNDEN ACES!

gingemidget posted:

Congrats to BWFC for having so many championships that I could no longer fit them all on.

Thanks mate!

# ? Jul 6, 2016 10:39

Zodiac5000: Jun 19, 2006; Protects the Pack!; Doctor Rope

Smasher Dynamo posted:

Playoff Team Status Update!
South Dakota Marmosets
Injuries
Oscar Charleston (OF) (11 days - Out for First Round)
Pitcher Rest
Tim Keefe (OK!)
Bullet Rogan (OK!)
Don Sutton (1 Day Out)
Christy Mathewson (2 Days Out)

Pick 'em: First Round!
Pick the Winners, number of games (best of five) and score of the final game
South Dakota Marmosets in 5, 7-5
Mitchell Kernels in 3, 5-1
Khartoum Doom in 4, 3-2
Minnesota Commission in 4, 6-1

Ooofda. Finally made it to the big stage, alongside another triad member and a fellow South Dakota team! I guess letting Chelsea be the unholy thresher of men that she was made to be was all the Marmosets needed! I need to get started on an address to the high council of the Sodakhan, they'll need a debrief to justify playing better than the other average, hardworking Super-League teams and I need to deflect any accusations of showboating. The people of Sodak may already be grumbling that the Marmosets are getting too big for their britches, and I'll not be accused of such base behavior. My players gather their harvest the same as everyone else, using the sacred farm implements of our ancestors. I did hear that Mathewson had a bit of a kerfuffle with the Williams stead when bought a cow, thinking that farmers and ranchers were the same thing, but that got taken care of and I understand the Williams girls brought him a pie the other day.

I've been pretty busy the last few days and this might be too late for you to integrate to the sim (which is the price I pay for having a big 4th of July holiday, I suppose), but Stick with the standard 4-man rotation, but put Eddie Plank for Tim Keefe, assuming he's rested. Please put Lou Gehrig back in at 1B as well.

# ? Jul 6, 2016 17:20

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Zodiac5000 posted:

I've been pretty busy the last few days and this might be too late for you to integrate to the sim (which is the price I pay for having a big 4th of July holiday, I suppose),

It is too late.

Far too late.

# ? Jul 6, 2016 18:11

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Super-League XIX, Divisional Round: Hoboken Zephyrs vs. Mitchell Kernels

Nuts and Bolts

Since we have some spare time, as you can probably see by scrolling down, the series did not last long, I thought it might be helpful to newer owners, and, really, everyone, to try and tease out exactly what makes the Kernels and Zephyrs tick. After all, a lot of people wonder how to make a good Super-League team, and both of these teams have won their divisions at least twice in a row. So, how are they doing that?

The Kernels have never not won their division. In fact, the whole Dynamo League has been dominated for some time by the Tornados/Kernels vs. Pirates/Sheikhs rivalry. Whether that's a good thing or not depends on how much you like rivalries in the Super-League, which, given that no one besides me does, is probably not a lot. In any event, both CFBalla's and Beet's teams are strikingly similar in design and philosophy, even if each team has its own spin on the formuia.

The centerpiece of the Sheikhs/Kernels plan is realizing that just stacking generic deadballers is only going to get you so far. After all, how many teams have trotted out four or five nameless deadballers, and managed to top out at about 80 wins? A lot more than have actually won a Super-League Championship, that's for sure. While deadballers, for the most part, can short-circuit the power hitting of the opposition, they're not really good at much else besides that. After all, a pitcher can only marginally control what happens to a ball hit into play, and with deadballer pitchers, who aren't getting a ton of strikeouts, and whose K/BB rates are usually very poor, many, many balls are going to be hit into play. Now, deadballers do have one other advantage: the balls hit into play are usually ground balls, by a quite high percentage. That means that, even if you can't avoid all hitters making contact, you can at least guess where those balls are coming.

So, you have a deadball pitching staff, and you know that the balls are going to be hit on the ground, presumably at or near your infielders. What do you do? Well, both the Kernels and Sheikhs have an ace defender at shortstop, meaning that they can leverage the groundball tendencies of their pitching staffs into outs, and a lot of them. That's the key. That said, it's also worth noting that, in the rest of their infield, both teams use guys who are at least marginally competent at their positions. The Kernels have Hornsby, Pujols and Brett, none of whom are outstanding fielders, but all of which were good enough players to stick at those positions throughout at those positions. The key is that they aren't deadball fielders with bad gloves. With the Masked Shortstop anchoring things, that's enough.

Beyond that, the Kernels just stack a lot of good hitters together. They don't have a Ruth or a Williams, but they have a lot of guys who are at least mildly dangerous. The Man-Ram/Yaz platoon was astoundingly productive if you look at the combined stats, with the pair combining for 27 home runs, which is a fair number in the Super-League, and is a good example of what a platoon should look like. Pujols hit over 30 homes, and three other guys in the starting lineup had 15 or more home runs. The Masked Shortstop was a 92% base-stealer in the regular season. That's a pretty good offense.

As to how to stop a team like the Kernels, there's no easy solution. If you try high-K pitchers, you can strike most of their players out, but you also expose yourself to getting dingered up. If you try and deadball pitch them into oblivion, you might have an easier time, as a lot of the Kernels' hitters aren't incredible contact hitters, but, even then, guys like The Masked Shortstop and Pete Browning are there to carry some of the load.

The Zephyrs are relatively easy to explain. Their logic is that if you can take away the home run, then you can throw high-K pitchers out there with essential impunity, and if you boost all offense besides dingers, then if your opponent tries to bring in his deadballers, then it'll be his funeral, because those deadballers, who can't miss bats, are just going to have a hell of a time in a situation where there are even more balls than usual hit into play safely.

Basically, the Zephyrs have tailored their stadium so that, if you want to win, you have to do it their way. That is, you are just going to have to single and double your way to runs, home runs aren't going to help, walks aren't really going to help, it's going to be contact hitting all the way.

Obviously, the Zephyrs' lineup is designed to play that style. They have a ton of contact hitters with little power, and variable amounts of patience. The top guy on their team had all of eight home runs, and no one else had more than three. They're going to get their hits, and, in their stadium, that method of scoring runs by chaining together singles and doubles isn't just the best way to score, it's really the only viable way. And since most teams haven't built their offenses around those lines, since, in a neutral stadium, that's far from the most effective offense you can build, that means that, on their home field, the Zephyrs always have a big advantage.

As for their pitching, the Zephyrs rely on power pitchers to get by. Of course, with the offensive levels in their hoem stadium jacked to hell, those pitchers are still going to have ugly stats, but they don't need to pitch great, they just need to pitch better than their opposition. In Hoboken's stadium, where the only sure out is a strikeout, high-K guys are usually going to be the best bet to do just that.

The central problem with the Zephyrs is that they're designed to win in Hoboken. If they get to play in their home stadium, they can be a dominating team, because the stadium is tailor-made to highlight the strengths of the team. Outside of Hoboken, though, their punchless offense is usually weaker than the oppositions, and their pitching staff can and will give up walks and dingers. At home, they went 52-29, which is pretty drat great. On the road, though, they were 33-48, tied for third-worst in the Dynamo League, ahead of only the Highlanders and Knights, the two worst teams in the entire league. (Incidentally, for people wondering how the gently caress the Panderers survive, they, using a not entirely dissimilar gameplan, went 58-23.) So, if they have home-field advantage, they are the favorites over just about anybody. But, well, they don't have home-field advantage in this series.

The Epic Cycle posted:

Thus they did fight about the village of Mitchell. Then TheMcD drew near to Smasher with fury in his eyes, as though drawn from the fires of perdition. When Smasher saw him thus enraged he was confused, and said, "Why, TheMcD, do you stand there raging like some silly child that comes running to her mother, and begs to be given their reward immediately, and tugs at her mother's dress to stay her though she is in a hurry, and pouts until her mother concedes. Have you nothing to say to me? Or have you had news from Hoboken that you alone know? They tell me that the Schillings are still alive, in a sense, as also are your even-year bullshit Giants, or are you grieving about the RCMP, and the way they were killed at their home, through their own high-handed doings? Do not hide anything from me but tell me that both of us may know about it."

Then, TheMcD, with a deep sigh answered, "Smasher, foremost Commissar of the Super-League, do not be angry, but I weep for the disaster that has now befallen the Dynamo League. All those who have been brought hope of new champions so far as lying defeated, wounded by Kernel or Sheikh. Brave TKBomber, successor of Humungus, has failed to reach the playoffs, while famed kw0134 have suffered a similar fate. Monicro again has fallen short, just a few games less of a playoff spot. The owners are attending to these teams, and making many a trade, are you still, o Smasher, so inexorable? May it never be my lot to nurse such a passion as you have done, to the baning of this entire league, caught up in the rivalry of but two teams. Who in future story will speak well of you unless you break this diarchy? You know no pity, the grey sea bore you and the sheer cliffs begot you, so cruel and remorseless are you. If, however, you are kept back through knowledge of some oracle, of if you have been told something from the mouth of Marduk, at least send the Zephyrs into battle with the Kernels, if I may bring deliverance to the Dynamo League. Let me moreover go with your blessing, the Kernels may thus mistake the danger of the Zephyrs, and quit the field early, so that the Dynamo League may have breating room from this menace.

He knew not what he was asking, nor that he was suing for his own destruction. Smasher was deeply moved and answered, "What, TheMcD, are you saying? I know no prophesyings which I am heeding, nor has Marduck told me anything, but I am cut to the very heart that an owner such as yourself should dare to rob me because he is more powerful than I am. This, after all that I have gone through, is more than I can endure. The Masked Shortstop, whom I Won as the fruit of my Macho Men on having sacked the Kernels, he has CFBalla taken from me as though I were some common vagrant. Still, let bygones be bygones: no man may keep his anger forever, not even myself. I said I would not relent until the announced hour arrived, and I descended upon the Kernels again. Nevertheless, now go with my blessing, and led the Zephyrs to battle, for the dark cloud of the Kernels has burt furiously over these playoffs, the Dynamo League reels under the assault. TKBomber, successor of Humungus no longer leads his team, neither have I seen a post from the son of Canada, whereas that of murderous CFBalla rings in my ears as he gives orders to the Kernels, who crush the league and fill the whole thread with their cry of battle. But even so, TheMcD, fall upon them and save the playoffs, lest the Kernels conquer it once more. Do, however, as I now bid you, that you may win me peace from the all the petty owners, that I may reclaim the Masked Shortstop. When you have beaten the Kernels back, to the brink of elimination, come back again. Though triumph should be put within your reach, do not fight the Kernels further in my absence, or you will rob me of glory that should be mine. And do not for lust of playoff wins go on defeating the Kernels nor lead the Zephyrs to the finals, lest a grimmer fate befall you. Return when you have taken the Kernels to the point of elimination.

As he spoke, TheMcD received his blessing. First, he cured Eddie Collins of the plague that had ravaged the second baseman's form. After this, he beseeched the gods make Paul Waner, fielder of right, hit strong and true. He handed his silver-studded bat of baseball to Roger Connor, and gave kind words to Sam Thompson. In center field, he wished Joe Jackson good fortune, with much hitting prowess to follow him. He blessed Frankie Frisch and Buster Posey. TheMcD then bade his Zephyrs to take flight, for they were his team, and TheMcD held them in honor, and on their support in battle he would rely most firmly. The Zephyrs therefore launched themselves at Mitchell.

Meanwhile Smasher went about everywhere among the league, and bade the owners to attend the contest acarefully. With these words he put heart and soul into them all, and they serried their teams yet more closely when they heard the words of their Commissiar. As the stones which a builder sets in the wall of some high house which is to give them shelter from the winds, even so closely where the owners gathered together.

Then Smasher went inside his fortress, and opened the drawer of the strong cabinet in his kitchen. In this chest he had a cup of rare workmanhship, from which no man but himself might drink, nor would he make offering from it to any other god save only to Marduk. He took the cup from the chest and cleansed it in the sink, this done, he filled it with diet Mountain Dew. Then he stood in the middle of the kitchen and prayed, looking towards heaven, and making his drink-offering of Diet Mountain Dew. "Marduk, lord of the heavens, slayer of Tiamat, who dwellest afar, you who hold wintry mrnoun in your sway, where your prophets of the Syndicate dwell around you, vouchsafe me now the fulfilment of yet this further prayer. I shall stay here, but I shall send TheMcD into battle at the head of the Zephyrs. Grant, O Mighty Marduk, that victory may go with him. Put your courage into his heart that CFBalla may learn whether TheMcD is man enough to fight alone, or whether his might is only then so indomitable that only Beet may slay him." Thus did he pray, and all-counselling Marduk heard his prayer. Part of it he did indeed vouchsafe him, but not the whole. He granted that TheMcD should go to battle, but would not let him emerge victorious. When he had made his drink-offering and had thus prayed, Smasher put the cup back inside the cabinet, but then realized its proper place was in the sink. Then he again came out, for he still loved to look upon the fierce series that raged between Zephyrs and Kernels.

The Zephyrs of Hoboken might now have taken the series by the hands of TheMcD, for his gimmicks flew in all directions had not the Masked Shortstop taken his stand from the leadoff spot to defeat his purpose and aid the Kernels. Thrice did TheMcD try and win a game, and thrice did the Masked Shortstop beat him back, striking his pitchers with his own immortal bat speed. When TheMcD wearily tried to attack again, The Masked Shortstop shouted to him with an awesome voice and said, "Draw back, TheMcD, it is not your lot to defeat the Kernels, nor yet will it be that of Beet, who is a far better owner than you are." On hearing this, TheMcD withdrew in frustration.

Meanwhile CFBalla was waiting with his team inside Mitchell, in doubt whether to finish TheMcD without mercy, or allow him a moment of grace. As he was thus doubting, the Masked Shortstop drew near him and now spoke to CFBalla saying, "CFBalla, why have you left off fighting? It is ill done of you. If I were as much a better man than you, as I am worse, you should soon rue you slackness. Drive straight towards the Zephyrs, if so be that Smasher may grant you a triumph over them, and you may eliminate them.

With this, CFBalla drove straight at TheMcD. TheMcD then sprang his Scherzer, firing him to the mound. The cast was not in vain, for Scherzer pitched well for some time, though not for all time. The two teams then fought with Scherzer on the mound. As two lions fight fiercely on some high mountain, though not so high as the Hoboken of TheMcD. So long as the sun was still high in mid-heaven, the weapons of either side were alike deadly, and the teams warred, but when he went down towards the time when men loose their oxen, the Kernels proved to be beyond all forecast stronger. Then TheMcD attempted one last rally, and sprang forth with fierce intent and a terrific shout upon the Kernels, and he did score four runs, but as he was coming on like a god for a time, then, TheMcD, was the hour of his end approaching.

On this bottom of the ninth, TheMcD's team became unraveled. His hitters failed him. With the tying runs on base, and the winning run at the plate, he suffered two outs. CFBalla on this, seeing the Zephyrs to be near defeat, forced his relievers to give him greatness, and, when the moment came, had Quisenberry deliver the fatal out, so that the Zephyrs fell two runs short of tying the game. So did CFBalla take the life of the Zephyrs, who had beaten so many, edging him from so close a margin, yet at the end of a sweep. "TheMcD," said he, "you deemed that you should defeat the Kernels, rob my team of the Masked Shortstop, and rob us of our berth in the Dynamo League Championship Series. Fool. The Kernels were ever straining their utmost to reach the Finals once again. I am foremost of all the owners to ensure this to happen. As for you, the vultures shall devour you here. Poor wretch. Smasher, with all of his hopes, availed you nothing, and yet I ween when you left him he charged you straitly saying, "Come back not to me, TheMcD, till you have rent the mighty Kernels in twain. Thus I ween did he charge you, and your fool's heart answered him 'yea' within you."

Then, as the life ebbed out of him, TheMcD answered, "CFBalla, vaunt as you will, for the gods have vouchsafed you victory. It is they who have vanquished me so easily, and they who have stripped my team of playoff advancement. Had they not, I would have beaten a team twenty times as great as your equal. Fate has overpowered me, and you are yourself second only in killing my team. I say further, and lay my saying in your heart, you too shall live but for a little season. Death and the day of your doom are close upon you, and they will lay you low by the hand of the MACHINE, creation of Smasher."

When he had thus spoken, his team was no more, a flitted down to the limbo of the offseason, mourning its sad fate and bidding farewell to the glories of Super-League XIX. Dead though the Zephyrs were, CFBalla still spoke to TheMcD saying, "TheMcD, why should you thus foretell my doom? Who knows but MACHINE, creation of Smasher, may be smitten by my team, and die before me?"

As he spoke, he drew back his Kernels from the field. Now the Kernels, when they had come out of the fight, removed their uniforms and gathered in assembly before preparing themselves gyros. They kept their feet, nor would any dare sit down, for fear had fallen upon them all because the MACHINE loomed ever closer after having held aloof so long from battle. Rogers Hornsby, second of basemen, was first to speak. A man of judgment, who alone among them could look both before and after. He addressed them thus:

"Look to it well, my friends, I would urge you to go back now, and prepare yourself for the bitter end. So long as we were protected by divisional barriers from the MACHINE, I could see nothing by victory. But now I go in great fear of the MACHINE. It is so daring that it will never fail to crush the Marmosets, but will advance and try and slay our team. Do then as I say, and let us prepare. For the end is nigh. The divisional series will for a time stay the creation of Smasher, but when it finds us, we shall have knowledge of it in good earnest. Glad ineeded will he be who is prepared for his doom. If we do as I say, little though we may like it, we shall have our spirits ready for their termination, for that is what we must do."

The Masked Shortstop looked fiercely at him and answered, "Rogers, your words are not to my liking in that you bid us prepare for some certain doom. Who is to say on whom the doom now befalls? In the old days, the team of CFBalla was famous for its wealth of titles and glory. But our treasures are washed out of our team, and the tag titles reside with the Arcade Machine, for the hand of Smasher has been laid heavily upon us. Now, therefore, that Smasher has vouchsafed me to win glory here and to drive back the Zephyrs, prate no more in this fool's wise among the people. You will have no Kernel with you, it shall not be. Do all of you as I now say - make thyselves the gyros of victory, and prepare yourself for more such gyros to come in later days. Come the next round, we will arm and fight the MACHINE, or the Marmosets, whichever may come. If it be the MACHINE, let it be as it will, but it shall go hard with it. I shall not shun the MACHINE, but will fight it, to fall or conquer. The Super-League deals out like measure to all, and the slayer may yet be slain." Thus spoke The Masked Shortstop, and the Kernels, valiant and foolish, shouted in applause.

# ? Jul 6, 2016 18:12

Pander: Oct 9, 2007; Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.

What's going on here, huh? Oh, just writing an EPIC for an update. That's all, huh.

(holy poo poo).

As an aside, what makes a good road team? Like the OKC Bombers have a very different style of team compared to Hoboken or the Panderers, but they too have never (outside of SLXVIII) had even a .500 road record. Most of the time they're 10 games under on the road or so.

# ? Jul 6, 2016 18:56

Monicro: Oct 21, 2010; And you could feel his features in the air
A wide smile and perfect hair
He had complete control of the rising tides
And a medicine bag hanging at his side

In the flowing blue world of the death-dealing physician

Pander posted:

As an aside, what makes a good road team? Like the OKC Bombers have a very different style of team compared to Hoboken or the Panderers, but they too have never (outside of SLXVIII) had even a .500 road record. Most of the time they're 10 games under on the road or so.

No idea what their road record is but the Nine are built to be versatile (a less comitted version of the Janus' gimmick in the lineup, a bunch of psuedo-deadballers in the rotation), I'd imagine that's the ticket at least theoretically.

(also wow that update)

# ? Jul 6, 2016 19:19

kw0134: Apr 19, 2003; I buy feet pics🍆

I have doubts about whether Marduk is properly propitiated with diet Mountain Dew. Like, ew.

# ? Jul 6, 2016 19:34

FairGame: Jul 24, 2001; Der Kommander

The inclusion of diet mountain dew and gyros just made this epic more, um...epic.

Also I suspect Marduk would be more incensed by the cup than he would the offering it contained. I'm guessing it's like a Phillips-66 1992 Cubs giant plastic cup that's been through the wash probably like 10,000 times.

I suspect a faded image of Shawon Dunston or Mark Grace are on this cup.

# ? Jul 6, 2016 19:48

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# ? May 26, 2024 18:25

CFBalla: Sep 16, 2009; Yeah, I just made that shot.

Putting aside the AMAZING epic that Smasher put together for this update, along with the Masked Shortstop's speech that had me hootin' and hollerin', I just want to point out that Ed Walsh hit a based loaded triple that basically sealed the series victory. Thanks Hoboken, you crazy loving stadium you.

My team didn't completely disappoint me, Beet. Now it's time to hold up your end of the bargain.

# ? Jul 6, 2016 19:51

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > BBM Super-League XXIX: The World Ends With Yu Darvish

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