www.reddit.com/r/relationships

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > www.reddit.com/r/relationships

Tricky D: Apr 1, 2005; I love um!

Nazzadan posted:

My [22F] coworker and cubicle-mate [30s?M] at my new job will not stop farting

I can't believe my co-worker is posting poo poo like this.

STEP 1: "Stop farting in our cube rear end in a top hat"

# ? Jul 19, 2016 19:51

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# ? Jun 9, 2024 12:15

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Shnag posted:

An other possibility is she became a prude and wouldn't do anything more then missionary, then he was pissed she got freaky with pretty much everyone else but him. Or he could have been the uptight one and she originally told him she spent all of college in libraries like he did. Either way seems way to quick secession of events.

I think a lot of these stories end up with this being the main point of concern. Their sex life is probably pretty mediocre (she didn't even mention it in the post) and hearing about her wild days that he wasn't part of probably made him feel like he was her plan b she settled with for stability (really the only thing she mentions about him is his career and money). It's pretty dumb to divorce someone over some 10 year ago thing they did before you even met but it's certainly possible and understandable that if it puts a lot of their relationship dynamics in a new light.

# ? Jul 19, 2016 19:59

psychokitty: Jun 29, 2010; =9.9=
MEOW
BITCHES

Moridin920 posted:

oh that must mean it never happens in reality ever

i take your poor interpretation of my words as a compliment, fuckman

# ? Jul 19, 2016 20:00

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

psychokitty posted:

i take your poor interpretation of my words as a compliment, fuckman

good you should

# ? Jul 19, 2016 20:04

I hate yankees: Apr 29, 2008

did the guy post the videos of his wife getting banged out on pornhub? this is important

# ? Jul 19, 2016 20:17

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

loquacius posted:

If she rejects the tradition she loses access to her family's fabulous wealth

Might be worth it to just suck it up and accept being bartered for those stakes

Sounds more like she's being bartered for steaks

# ? Jul 19, 2016 20:22

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

he's divorcing her because if she had threesomes with her boyfriend and his roommate then she's a ho and everyone knows you can't turn a ho into a housewife

# ? Jul 19, 2016 21:06

P-Mack: Nov 10, 2007

Gaunab posted:

he's divorcing her because if she had threesomes with her boyfriend and his roommate then she's a ho and everyone knows you can't turn a ho into a housewife

You can't spell housewife without "ho". Or "if".

# ? Jul 19, 2016 21:09

wyntyr: Mar 27, 2006

P-Mack posted:

You can't spell housewife without "ho". Or "if".

Yes but as my friend pointed out, you can't turn a ho into a housewife. Hos don't act right.

# ? Jul 19, 2016 22:01

omnibobb: Dec 3, 2005; Title text'd

Should I take a ho to a hotel?

# ? Jul 19, 2016 22:12

P-Mack: Nov 10, 2007

If it's a dude you go to a motel

# ? Jul 19, 2016 22:14

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

Or the Holiday Inn

# ? Jul 19, 2016 22:28

damn horror queefs: Oct 14, 2005; say hello
say hello to the man in the elevator

Ho tell ... everybody

# ? Jul 19, 2016 22:28

Cuntellectual: Aug 6, 2010

Moridin920 posted:

indian jonpop spotted

(OP is not Indian it bears mentioning)

Why does he keep refering to it as his friend's apparent, not his own. Does he regularly just bang girls at his friend's house? :iiam:

Nazzadan posted:

I wonder how many had a spike of adrenaline and opened the thread to make sure it wasn't about them.

It said they have a spouse so probably not to omany.

# ? Jul 19, 2016 22:32

I hate yankees: Apr 29, 2008

wyntyr posted:

Yes but as my friend pointed out, you can't turn a ho into a housewife. Hos don't act right.

# ? Jul 19, 2016 22:57

doyle-san: Feb 25, 2001; "This changes nothing."

drat horror queefs posted:

Ho tell ... everybody

Even the mayor?

# ? Jul 19, 2016 23:49

Tumble: Jun 24, 2003; I'm not thinking of anything!

Lifetime77 posted:

Off topic a bit but /r/bestoflegaladvice is a goldmine as well.

In which OP tries to dine and dash and draws a gun on the manager for stopping him because he was being "kidnapped"

Hey guys, I'm not sure what to do in this situation and need some advice.
I was at IHOP this morning having a nice breakfast. Everything was delicious and I was content. As I went to pay for my meal I was told that the credit card machine was broken and that I need to pay cash.
Not having any cash on my person, I informed that I would need to leave and go to an ATM. They were not OK with this. The cashier said I could not leave and needed to wait until the machine started working or call someone to bring me cash.
I told him that this was absolutely unacceptable and I would not be held hostage over $12.
(Now, I want to preface this with the fact that have a valid CPL and was carrying at the time.)
At this point the manager comes over and invades my personal space. He steps in front of me and tells me I'm not leaving until I pay for my meal. I told him that he could not force me to stay.
As I stepped towards the door her grabbed my arm, at which point I drew my Glock 23 and asked to remove his hands from me.
He immediately let go and said he was calling the cops.
I got in my car and left. I'm currently sitting at home and I'm not sure what I should do. I doubt they could identify me or find me.
Any advice is appreciated.
Edit - I called the station and they said they had not received any reports of brandishing. Looks like I'm in the clear.
Edit 2 - A detective from the department left me a voicemail saying he wanted to ask me some questions. I blocked my number so I'm sure how they got it. I made an appointment to meet with a Second Amendment attorney on Monday.
EDIT 3 - The police just left. I'm not sure how they found me or my address.
They took my ALL my firearms and made me let them search my house and safe. They issued my a citation for brandishing and assault. I have a court date.
This is bullshit so hopefully the lawyer I talk to on Monday can help me sue the department AND IHOP.
They also found some pills I have for my mom and a glass pipe that they said had methamphetamine residue in it. I have never seen that pipe before and am sure they planted it. I received a ticket for this as well.
Hopefully I can get everything dismissed considering I was assaulted and they have it on camera.

While the guy is a total moron for pulling his gun, he's entirely right that they can't keep him there, especially when he said he'd go get cash. If he hadn't pulled a gun he probably would have gotten a bit of cash because of the idiotic manager.

Too bad he's just another gun-toting moron. And a meth addict lol.

# ? Jul 19, 2016 23:49

Vince McMahon: Dec 18, 2003

/r/relationships - it's the man's fault, even if you flip the genders

</thread>

# ? Jul 19, 2016 23:59

kaschei: Oct 25, 2005

Anatharon posted:

Why does he keep refering to it as his friend's apparent, not his own. Does he regularly just bang girls at his friend's house?

Probably the other dude owns and he rents. Classic landlord roommate scenario.

# ? Jul 20, 2016 01:28

many johnnys: May 17, 2015

Vince McMahon posted:

/r/relationships - it's the man's fault, even if you flip the genders

</thread>

ehh? that's not this thread

Try to be more like pete or dave

# ? Jul 20, 2016 02:04

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Vince McMahon posted:

/r/relationships - it's the man's fault, even if you flip the genders

</thread>

You're 3 irony levels too deep son.

Tumble posted:

While the guy is a total moron for pulling his gun, he's entirely right that they can't keep him there, especially when he said he'd go get cash. If he hadn't pulled a gun he probably would have gotten a bit of cash because of the idiotic manager.

Too bad he's just another gun-toting moron. And a meth addict lol.

I imagine adrenaline prevented him from thinking of calling the cops and trying to sort poo poo out in the parking lot after pulling his gun, but what is odd is that have either of these guys ever heard of collateral? There has to have been something semi-precious he could have left with them while he went to go get money (complete with video record on the phone).

# ? Jul 20, 2016 02:08

Khorne: May 1, 2002

I hate yankees posted:

did the guy post the videos of his wife getting banged out on pornhub? this is important

Probably not, but he also didn't piece together she was likely selling them for money. I would be pissed in his situation too. Not because it happened in the past or lying about her history, but because she's pretty much playing him for an idiot and gave the bullshit response of "I'll see if I can remember". Never date, nevermind marry, someone who can't communicate or express their feelings. I would have gone from annoyed to really drat angry about that I'll see if I can remember poo poo, and not because she wasn't going to blow me like some guy in the video, but because it's such a copout to avoid talking about what's actually going through her head.

The other guy who dumped his wife over college stuff that was ultimately harmless, lmao. I wouldn't have dumped her in that situation or even cared all that much. Maybe for a few days if it really shook the image of herself she portrayed. But it seemed like the wife in that story was a legit alright person and would have talked things through.

Khorne fucked around with this message at 02:23 on Jul 20, 2016

# ? Jul 20, 2016 02:16

artsy fartsy: May 10, 2014; You'll be ahead instead of behind. Hello!

mind the walrus posted:

You're 3 irony levels too deep son.

I imagine adrenaline prevented him from thinking of calling the cops and trying to sort poo poo out in the parking lot after pulling his gun, but what is odd is that have either of these guys ever heard of collateral? There has to have been something semi-precious he could have left with them while he went to go get money (complete with video record on the phone).

Or they could have written down his credit card info and run it later, right? :psyduck:

We had to do that a couple times at the store I used to work at.

# ? Jul 20, 2016 02:22

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

mind the walrus posted:

There has to have been something semi-precious he could have left with them while he went to go get money (complete with video record on the phone).

that was his plan, he was just offering his gun as fair collateral

# ? Jul 20, 2016 02:30

JetSetGo: Jan 1, 2011; to ride eternal, shiny and chrome

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2022

I personally want to thank those who made this thread, because of it I totally squandered the afternoon reading batshit crazy stories. Pete is my new internet hero. Godspeed, you magnificent bastard wherever you are.

# ? Jul 20, 2016 02:37

Tumble: Jun 24, 2003; I'm not thinking of anything!

artsy fartsy posted:

Or they could have written down his credit card info and run it later, right? We had to do that a couple times at the store I used to work at.

A credit card number I'd leave, but I wouldn't leave a debit card number. Debit cards lack the level of protection that credit cards are afforded. If it was a small-town diner I'd been to a bunch maybe I would trust them with a debit card/credit card number, but I'd also imagine they'd be fine with me fetching cash or just paying them later at that point.

An IHOP run and staffed by who the hell knows? No, I'll leave to fetch cash; if his story is true I can't believe the manager was dumb enough to lay a hand on him over $12. That's unbelievably dumb, and I'd have a major issue with it too. Of course once he pulled a gun he blew any chance of sympathy because that's a dumb as gently caress move and I hope he loses all his guns and gun privilege's.

But I wouldn't leave any personal information or semi-valuable collateral just because somebody else's payment systems went down.

Tumble fucked around with this message at 02:48 on Jul 20, 2016

# ? Jul 20, 2016 02:43

Shnag: Dec 8, 2010; "I'll be whatever I wanna do!"

Khorne posted:

The other guy who dumped his wife over college stuff that was ultimately harmless, lmao. I wouldn't have dumped her in that situation or even cared all that much. Maybe for a few days if it really shook the image of herself she portrayed. But it seemed like the wife in that story was a legit alright person and would have talked things through.

Depends, if she wouldn't even give him a hand job and he finds out she was taking in dicks like they were going out of style in college he would be in his right to be pissed. I don't think it was even that though, considering how bluntly he ended the relationship. It was probably more about pride and image then feeling betrayed.

# ? Jul 20, 2016 02:50

Business Gorillas: Mar 11, 2009

so i went on the reddit for the first time to see this in the wild and

quote:

My boyfriend (34M) says he dislikes me (24F) because I "always decide when sex happens".... Is this normal?

# ? Jul 20, 2016 02:53

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

God I love it. Every single one is a case where you can immediately spot epic failures of communication and reasonable expectations on both sides :allears:

# ? Jul 20, 2016 02:54

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Business Gorillas posted:

so i went on the reddit for the first time to see this in the wild and

I mean, this isn't a real criticism and her boyfriend is being a weenie especially considering the dude is 34, but even if it was a real criticism

Does he actually dislike her because of it, or is she just terrible with words and it's a thing he complains about sometimes

# ? Jul 20, 2016 03:00

Dreddout: Oct 1, 2015; You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.

Business Gorillas posted:

so i went on the reddit for the first time to see this in the wild and

Welcome to reddit, motherfucker!

# ? Jul 20, 2016 03:03

Lifetime77: May 20, 2007; Hello Bastards.

quote:

I'm 3.5 inches long and my girlfriend doesn't like it. We have the same best friend, let's call him Mike. Now Mike and my girlfriend were talking and she started telling him how small my dick was and how I wasn't satisfying her.
Mike isn't a very mature person, and he proceeded to tell everyone we knew. Now everyone's making fun of me for it. They keep making small penis jokes and it hurts.
I'm really sensitive about it. I didn't have sex with my girlfriend until 10 months into the relationship because I was scared of what she would say, of what she might say to others.
I'm really pissed off at her because I told her I was sensitive about it, and then she goes and basically tells everyone about it. Sorry if this sounds dramatic, but it feels like a betrayal of my trust. I don't have much confidence and this just makes me not want to leave my room ever again.
Am I overreacting or am I in the right for being angry at her?
tl;dr: Girlfriend told everyone I have a small dick. Now everyone's making fun of me for it and I'm really pissed off at her.
edit: I think I'm going to break up with her. This was a severe betrayal of my trust and after read all of your comments, I think it's best if I break up with her.

# ? Jul 20, 2016 03:38

big cummers ONLY: Jul 17, 2005; I made a series of bad investments. Tarantula farm. The bottom fell out of the market.

Hilarious stories about the destruction of your entire social circle from bodyshaming something you had no control over

I AM... THis MAN

# ? Jul 20, 2016 03:48

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

lol if he thinks she talks too much about his small dick now, just wait until he breaks up with her

# ? Jul 20, 2016 03:51

Razorwired: Dec 7, 2008; It's about to start!

Considering he's on r/relationships I'd say that's the good ending compared to getting publically cvcked by Mike.

# ? Jul 20, 2016 03:57

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

quote:

I went to 3 nights of the String Cheese Incident at Red Rocks this weekend, 2 of which I went alone. Last night, I ran into an amazing group of people who took me under their wing and immediately hit it off with a guy in the group. He had overheard me mention that I had a boyfriend but we were already dancing together by the time I told him we were "open".

The night went amazing, from dancing together throughout the show to making out passionately to going back to his apartment together afterwards. I was hesitant to sleep with him, as I've never done a solo hookup with a male while we've been open. I knew my boyfriend would be accepting of it, but I had no idea how much so.

When I came home this morning and told him what happened, he gave me a high-five and asked if the sex was good!

quote:

I've(24m) been with my girlfriend(25f) for almost 3 years now. About a year in, she took an overnight job and it ruined our sex life. About that time she came up with the idea to open the relationship. She felt bad that our sex life wasn't great and said I was allowed to seek someone else. But I didn't really want to. If anything all I wanted was for her to find a day job so that we were back on the same schedule and had more time together. But over the next few weeks, we researched and talked about it and I agreed, however a little reluctantly. (In the mean time, she went to the doctors and found out she had a hormone imbalance witch gave a medical reason for her laque of sex drive. Shes been on hormones since she found out and it has helped)

On paper, an open relationship seems like a good thing. But for the last two years, I can't shake the jealousy, I can't flip the switch in my head that changes sex with others ok. I'm not religious, i don't have much stock in marriage, in fact both of us are divorced. Thinking that one person is enough to 'tick all the boxes' for another is silly. But for whatever reason, I still think of sex with someone else as cheating, even after the past 2 years of trying to change my thinking. Her getting attention from other guys makes me jealous, and usually ruins my mood. Once she notices how distraught I am, it usually ruins hers too and pushes away whoever she was talking to.

The problem is that I suffer from depression and have for most of my life. I have a horrible self esteem, and above all i don't trust anyone because of past relationships and other reasons . For a while I didn't have insurance to seek help, until just recently. and it's been a struggle to find a therapist I jive with. Most of them are older and out of touch with my problems.

Up till now she has been on 3 dates and has got a ton of attention from other men and women. I have yet to date anyone or even have a conversation with another woman. Or at least one that I'm attracted to. So far neither of us have had sex with anyone else. A problem I run into, is that there are far less women ok with dating a man in an open relationship and most single men don't give a poo poo.

A few months ago she stumbled across a local fb group that gets together and goes to bars and holds other events. She's quickly become the social butterfly of the group and it's kind of consumed her life. At first I didn't take part in it, but now that I've met a handful of them I participate a little more on the forum and in person. However, it's common knowledge that were open and my gf loves the attention. She's constantly being hit on and I stirs up the jealous bf in me. Sometimes I feel like I'm the but of a joke, or that every guy is looking at me like " I'm gana gently caress your girlfriend" but she says it's all in my head.

About two months ago she ended up getting a day job and I started talking about being monogamus again. but she says she likes the way things are. She likes the attention, she likes having the option to seek other people. However she promises this isnt justabout sex for her.

She married her highschool sweetheart at 18 and he wanted her to stay at home and basically wanted her to be "Suzie home maker" and that isn't what she wanted and ultimately got divorced. I think that any form of monogamy makes her feel tied down like she was before and I think it would push her to cheat or leave me.

The next big problem is that I cannot support myself without her. I don't have a vehicle, I work a minimum wage job that makes less than $1000/ mo. I have no family or close friends I could stay with. Basically no plan b. But I don't really want to leave, I love her and when it's just us, and I forget all of the open relationship drama for a minute, I realize how in love we both are with each other.

I feel backed into a corner. This all started to find me a sexual partner to take her place and now our sex life is fine and it's turned into her re-living her highschool years and all the dating and attention she missed out on. I feel like I was swindled or that this was her plan all along. But that's probably in my head too.

Ultimately what I want, is for her to wake up one day and realize that she doesn't want to be open. OR I want to wake up one day and realize that an open relationship is something I want and not getting jealous when she finds someone she likes.

I've probably rewrote this post 15 times already. Im constantly worried about leaving something our or painting her in a bad light. I really do love her and want her to be happy. I'm just afraid that the only way well both be happy is if I leave.

quote:

I've always been in monogamous relationships in the past, but met an awesome 29 year old female who has been in open relationships in the past and enjoyed the open aspect of the relationships. I hadn't really thought about open relationships much until now and I think that, in theory, it makes a ton of sense. However, I am wondering if it is very practical with modern day sexual dynamics being the way they are. Since the woman I'm dating would likely push for an open relationship I am trying to decide if it's something I would be comfortable with or if I should just end the relationship now.

I am worried that the deck would be completely stacked against me, a heterosexual male. I do ok finding sexual partners, but am by no means a natural at it. It can already be a bit of a struggle for some men to find sexual partners and I feel like adding the line "I have a wife/girlfriend, but we have an open relationship" will just cause warning bells to go off for most women and think you're a creep or secretly cheating.

Meanwhile, on the female's end, it is trivially easy finding new partners (I guess the quality of those partners is debatable). My worry would be that I would struggle finding partners and grow increasingly jealous as my girlfriend sleeps with her FWBs on the regular.

In an ideal world, I think it would be great if both of us could find 2-3 regular FWBs, but I wonder just how practical it is in reality.

Anyway, I would love some feedback on this. Perhaps even the fact that I'm posting this might be a red flag that nonmonogamy is not for me, but as mentioned before, I agree with the general idea behind nonmonogamy, but am curious how it usually plays out in real life.

# ? Jul 20, 2016 04:43

Lifetime77: May 20, 2007; Hello Bastards.

quote:

Sometimes I feel like I'm the but of a joke, or that every guy is looking at me like " I'm gana gently caress your girlfriend"

You are and we do

# ? Jul 20, 2016 04:53

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

I 100% do not give the slightest gently caress if a woman wants to sleep around or if she and her partner mutually consent to an open relationship regardless of how obviously the boyfriend is getting taken for a fool.

But I really, truly, genuinely want to know what the gently caress is going on in such a woman's head when it comes to the kind-of lopsided dynamic from these /r/relationships posts. They can't possibly be that blind, willfully stupid, or emotionally calloused can they? I mean even assuming there's a higher instance of psychopathy/narcissism in that kind of lady population than normal--and that's a baseless assumption--that doesn't mean they're stupid. What is that thought process, that day to day perception of their relationship? It's so morbidly fascinating from a strictly monogamist perspective.

# ? Jul 20, 2016 04:59

Business Gorillas: Mar 11, 2009

i feel good reading these because lol that you'd let anyone gently caress around on you, let alone openly. being alone is better than living in misery, friend

# ? Jul 20, 2016 05:00

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# ? Jun 9, 2024 12:15

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

no man that is truly consenting gives a high five. that is a move of utter desperation

# ? Jul 20, 2016 05:03

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > www.reddit.com/r/relationships

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