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Solice Kirsk posted:One of my friends said he knew where his dad kept his Penthouses and we all called him a liar for months. Then he stole one and like 6 adolescent boys sat around a tree fort with awkward erections looking at printed porn. Kids have no idea how good they have it these days. Also the magic of finding "woods porn." I was the most popular kid on the block for all of 6th grade when I found a few copies of Penthouse that my Dad left laying out in his home office. Some snooping also showed me where he stashed them and a few others. Years later, when I was in my 20s and porn sites were becoming popular (mid to late 90s), I was the hero again because I showed everyone how to use brute force programs to access members only area of pay sites. I never told them about IRC rooms were you could request access to basically any site. I kept that poo poo to myself.
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Jul 14, 2016 15:37
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| # ? May 10, 2024 00:44 |
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When I was about 13 or 14 I was sleeping over at a friends house and we decided to sneak around in his dad's office looking for porn and we found a blank video which we figured was one. When we popped it in I got to see my friend's mom getting her rear end hosed by his dad. I thought it was hilarious. My friend did not share that opinion. I should have included that story during my best man toast. Oh well.
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Jul 14, 2016 15:46
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quote:I used to have three female roommates in college. At that point in my life, I'd never been in a relationship with a woman before, much less lived in the same residence as two of them my age, and they were all somewhere on the higher end of attractiveness. I pretty much jacked it to thoughts of them the entire time we were roommates. I jacked it when one of them was banging their boyfriend in their bedroom and I could hear them through the wall; I jacked it when they were out of the house and I smelled their rooms from the hallway; I jacked it after we went swimming with our friends; I jacked it after one of them asked me to look for her makeup bag in her room because she thought she might have misplaced it; I jacked it while stuffing one of their shirts in my face after one of them left it in the apartment before moving out. I'm ashamed of it but those were the best orgasms of my life.
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Jul 14, 2016 17:05
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Living with multiple hot women and making no moves but jerking off constantly is a pretty believable goon story, yeah Unanonymous confession, the summer between high school and college I went skinny-dipping with four girls and then got drunk with two of them and managed not to get any action at all
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Jul 14, 2016 17:09
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lmfao how's it going, That Guy? Still a virgin I'm guessing?
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Jul 14, 2016 17:53
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loquacius posted:Living with multiple hot women and making no moves but jerking off constantly is a pretty believable goon story, yeah  I'm sorry buddy. I've talked my way out sex or misplayed my hand too many times to count. Including screwing up two bar hookups in this last month alone.
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Jul 14, 2016 18:30
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When I was in high school a mean girl found out I was gay somehow and spread it to all her friends who then made fun of me. I thought girls were supposed to be friends with gay people drat it! edit: Although I guess "high school people are lovely people" isn't much of a confession, most people probably know that already
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Jul 14, 2016 18:37
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Solice Kirsk posted:
I'm actually glad in retrospect. I'm pretty sure I had the emotional maturity of the average middle-schooler when I was in high school and basically no self-esteem so it's probably for the best that I didn't get any action until college. Now, granted, at the time I was not happy about it at all, but everything worked out for the best. That said, hang in there bro  CJacobs posted:When I was in high school a mean girl found out I was gay somehow and spread it to all her friends who then made fun of me. I thought girls were supposed to be friends with gay people drat it! maybe being gay just meant they considered you feminine enough to be fair game for their mean-girl mind games 
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Jul 14, 2016 18:41
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CJacobs posted:When I was in high school a mean girl found out I was gay somehow and spread it to all her friends who then made fun of me. I thought girls were supposed to be friends with gay people drat it! maybe they had crushes on you and were mad that you were gay probably not but maybe itll make you feel better loquacius posted:Living with multiple hot women and making no moves but jerking off constantly is a pretty believable goon story, yeah esp with 3 girls if they were friends and youre the only dude youd get a lot of poo poo for that he did say they were on the upper scale of attractiveness, which for goons is what, a low 7?
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Jul 14, 2016 18:42
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Mortimer posted:maybe they had crushes on you and were mad that you were gay Hell yeah! I like this perspective!
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Jul 14, 2016 18:45
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my brother came out halfway through high school and was pissed that he didn't get as much attention for it as the gay jock did. he was essentially a male version of a mean girl and didn't keep a "best friend" for more than a few months so that might have had something to do with it. I thought of the un-anonymous (semi-anonymous?) confession I meant to post earlier: once at a sleepover I had a dream that I was watching a movie trailer. something about surfing and the military. anyway I woke up right before the end of the "trailer" but my mind was still in dream-mode so I said out loud "in theatres this summer, rated pee gee thirteen." turns out I was the last one to wake up, everyone stared at me for a moment or two until my best friend reacted with an over-the-top "whaaaat" and they all burst out laughing. it was embarrassing at the time but it's a fond memory of my adolescent summer days
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Jul 14, 2016 19:05
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SciFiDownBeat posted:my brother came out halfway through high school and was pissed that he didn't get as much attention for it as the gay jock did. he was essentially a male version of a mean girl and didn't keep a "best friend" for more than a few months so that might have had something to do with it. I would watch a military movie based around surfing. Like a Saving Private Ryan, but they are storming the beaches on surf boards and the Nazis are trying to shut down the Youth Center instead of systematically annihilating giant swaths of humanity.
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Jul 14, 2016 19:12
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Solice Kirsk posted:I would watch a military movie based around surfing. Like a Saving Private Ryan, but they are storming the beaches on surf boards and the Nazis are trying to shut down the Youth Center instead of systematically annihilating giant swaths of humanity. You're in luck, friend 
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Jul 14, 2016 19:15
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not sure if I'm misremembering but I think the dream trailer was more along the lines of an american soldier overcoming ptsd through boarding or something. like a lifetime movie got a wide release however surfing nazis are a way better premise
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Jul 14, 2016 19:26
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Sir_Charles posted:You're in luck, friend Oh I've seen it, I think my WWII beach movie would be better though. Imagine if you will a bunch of surfing soldiers in board shorts and battle helmets and when they hit the beach the Nazis are running around putting out their beach bonfires and kicking sand onto their girlfriends while they're sunbathing.
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Jul 14, 2016 19:35
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Solice Kirsk posted:Oh I've seen it, I think my WWII beach movie would be better though. Imagine if you will a bunch of surfing soldiers in board shorts and battle helmets and when they hit the beach the Nazis are running around putting out their beach bonfires and kicking sand onto their girlfriends while they're sunbathing. GERRY DONT SURF
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Jul 14, 2016 19:58
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Golem II posted:I'm alive https://twitter.com/immolations/status/750088625556189185
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Jul 14, 2016 20:35
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This would be great if I wasn't painfully aware that the context was him railing against lizard people Seriously, that crazy man has a great voice for yellin'. Cast him as a video game voice actor as a grizzled sergeant or something
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Jul 14, 2016 20:36
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Arkanomen posted:GERRY DONT SURF    
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Jul 14, 2016 20:37
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I like baseball
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Jul 17, 2016 00:11
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quote:I don't keep many drinks in my house, and when I had friends over once I bought some cans of Diet Coke for them.
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Jul 20, 2016 15:09
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Wouldn't the cans make more sense if you're cheap since they won't go flat as quickly?
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Jul 20, 2016 15:21
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Business Gorillas posted:Wouldn't the cans make more sense if you're cheap since they won't go flat as quickly? Yeah this is just weird. Buying them in cans is only 1.4 cents per ounce more expensive http://www.experienceproject.com/qu...-At-Math)/13724 and like Business Gorilla said, they'll last much longer without going flat, and they'll be much colder. I bet the confessor's friends don't even like his warm flat second hand "pre-opened" Diet Coke but feel obligated to drink it anyways since he's so anal about always having it on hand Also, how about this? "I don't have any Diet Coke right now, either bring it yourself or drink something else". Ya gotta stand up to your friends and have some self-respect idk man this one really got to me...I'll be thinking about this all day.
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Jul 20, 2016 15:29
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"washing up"  what kind of washing up would you have to do serving people fresh cansAlso does that mean you're NOT washing the cans you reuse over and over because that's actually p gross
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Jul 20, 2016 15:32
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"what do you have to drink" "uhhh warm piss jars, pickle juice, expired milk, and some cans of coke" "coke please" what is it with my friends and ALWAYS wanting coke?
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Jul 20, 2016 15:53
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Refilling a bunch of dirty Coke cans from a 2-liter over and over and serving them to your guests because you don't want to deal with the hassle of buying new cans of Coke has gotta be one of the goonier habits I've heard of in threads not specifically devoted to goony habits You're not saving money, you're not #lifehacking, you're just being gross. Buy some cans. Throw them in the recycling bin when you are done, and then buy some more cans. This is not difficult.
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Jul 20, 2016 16:09
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I think that was submitted ironically as a "confession", like, it sounds innocuous enough to not warrant being anonymous, but I actually find it to be pretty loving despicable and that goon is lucky they submitted that anonymously. I swear to god I would buy so much loving red text for the drat dilz that does that.....
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Jul 20, 2016 16:15
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no way thats real. What is he a loving waiter or something? If he has friends over that regularly its pretty weird that people wouldn't just go into his fridge and grab their own drink, rather than him coming out and serving them pre opened cans.
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Jul 20, 2016 16:31
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He sounds nice and thoughtful to always have a refreshing drink of his friends' choosing at the ready.  But as stated, maybe don't always have it on hand since cost is a concern, your friends won't care and if they really did they would bring their own drinks sometimes.
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Jul 20, 2016 18:58
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diet coke is disgusting. if you're insistent on having them drink soda, get your boys some regular coke man, or vanilla coke if you can find it. or just get them some bottled water or invest in a water filter for your sink
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Jul 20, 2016 20:22
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quote:July 3rd. A few years back. quote:i got a bj before i started masturbating at around 16. i looked at porn i just didn't know i was supposed to rub it so i just sat looking at porn with a boner for an hour or w/e.
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Jul 21, 2016 05:24
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that top one didn't happen
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Jul 21, 2016 12:19
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CJacobs posted:that top one didn't happen It's probably happened to someone somewhere
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Jul 21, 2016 12:37
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It's not 'want' to do, it's 'wont' to do. Yeah, like 'won't', except not a contraction of 'will not'. Just 'wont' http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/wont  I feel better correcting someone who's anonymous than directly replying to an actual goon. But hey, if this prevents him from making the same mistake in the future, then 
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Jul 21, 2016 16:02
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Rupert Buttermilk posted:It's not 'want' to do, it's 'wont' to do. Well we definitely know the previous story wasn't this guy
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Jul 21, 2016 16:22
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duh, men can't get raped by women
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Jul 21, 2016 16:44
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sex does not exist fake
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Jul 21, 2016 18:30
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Hell yeah I had LOTS of The Sex that night! my penis never stopped being hard ever
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Jul 21, 2016 18:57
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I slept with a dude's wife once and almost got shot for it. And I didn't even know she was married and never knew the guy before. That dude got off easy if all he got for it was some emotional distress and leaving a job.
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Jul 21, 2016 19:00
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CJacobs posted:that top one didn't happen Not sure about the bottom one either. Who the hell waits till their 16 before they start masturbating?! Most teens have conceived two dumpster babies by that time, let alone put their hands on their naughty area.
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Jul 21, 2016 19:54
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