Fantasy Football 2016: There is no god. Existence is a joke

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Armchair Quarterback > Fantasy Football 2016: There is no god. Existence is a joke

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Benne: Sep 2, 2011; STOP DOING HEROIN

1st-round RBs are a goddamn scam this season

# ? Jul 22, 2016 16:33

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# ? May 12, 2024 12:42

Metapod: Mar 18, 2012

Spoeank posted:

AP is gonna be the only first round RB with a full season of use under his belt unless this lifts Miller into the first

Looks like you might be interested in something a little more exotic :smugdog:

# ? Jul 22, 2016 16:33

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Zeke Elliot already didn't deserve a first round ADP though <shrug emoji>

# ? Jul 22, 2016 16:50

Suave Fedora: Jun 10, 2004

OH GOD

# ? Jul 22, 2016 17:03

Suave Fedora: Jun 10, 2004

Can I do this

Is this a thing that I can do

# ? Jul 22, 2016 17:11

sourdough: Apr 30, 2012

Suave Fedora posted:

Can I do this

Is this a thing that I can do

Did ya also see that Watt will be out potentially 2-3 months, missing a handful of games in the worst case?

# ? Jul 22, 2016 17:19

Suave Fedora: Jun 10, 2004

Yup. When it rains it pours.

# ? Jul 22, 2016 17:29

MrSargent: Dec 23, 2003; Sometimes, there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that's Jimmy T.

I am upset with the Elliott news because it means that a better player will be picked at his ADP instead of dropping to me.

Oh and also the being a horrible person thing.

# ? Jul 22, 2016 17:59

axelord: Dec 28, 2012; College Slice

It's probably pretty horrible that my first thought about Bell's suspension was maybe I'd be able to pick him at 7 in my work draft.

# ? Jul 22, 2016 18:03

sourdough: Apr 30, 2012

MrSargent posted:

Oh and also the being a horrible person thing.

I'm seeing some skepticism about it, like all witnesses denying anything happened and her listing her occupation as "sex slave" in the police report (lol), so he's not necessarily a horrible person just yet.

# ? Jul 22, 2016 18:33

Metapod: Mar 18, 2012

RVProfootballer posted:

her listing her occupation as "sex slave" in the police report (lol)

# ? Jul 22, 2016 18:39

sourdough: Apr 30, 2012

Metapod posted:

Some local station (http://www.wfaa.com/sports/nfl/cowboys/ezekiel-elliott-girlfriend-assault-police-report/279730403):

quote:

In a 911 call obtained by News 8, Thompson said Elliott hit her "all over" and that he had been hitting her for five days.

The police report cites four witnesses, who each said they didn�t see an assault take place. One of the witnesses was in the passenger seat of the car at the time of the alleged assault. The three others were in the parking lot.

Elliott wasn't arrested due to conflicting accounts of the alleged incident, and the inability to prove Thompson's claim that she and Elliott lived together -- a claim Elliott denied.

According to a second police report filed Friday morning, �[Elliott] stated he never touched [Thompson] in a harmful manner and that the bruises...were from a bar fight she was in."

Thompson listed her occupation as "sex slave" in the second report.

A source within the Cowboys organization told WFAA Sports' Mike Leslie that Elliott has text messages saved on his phone that suggest Thompson was trying to frame Elliott.

Obviously worth checking out further in case he did do it, but man it sounds like bs

# ? Jul 22, 2016 19:51

Marshmallow Blue: Apr 25, 2010

RVProfootballer posted:

Some local station (http://www.wfaa.com/sports/nfl/cowboys/ezekiel-elliott-girlfriend-assault-police-report/279730403):

Obviously worth checking out further in case he did do it, but man it sounds like bs

Don't gently caress with crazy.

# ? Jul 22, 2016 19:55

MrSargent: Dec 23, 2003; Sometimes, there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that's Jimmy T.

RVProfootballer posted:

I'm seeing some skepticism about it, like all witnesses denying anything happened and her listing her occupation as "sex slave" in the police report (lol), so he's not necessarily a horrible person just yet.

Sorry, I meant to say that the news COULD mean those things.

# ? Jul 22, 2016 20:39

Papes: Apr 13, 2010; There's always something at the bottom of the bag.

Benne posted:

1st-round RBs are a goddamn scam this season

Jamal Charles should be a 1st rounder over these other guys

# ? Jul 22, 2016 21:30

Metapod: Mar 18, 2012

Spoeank is Hyde more of a Murray esque runner or shady esque?

# ? Jul 22, 2016 21:35

Benne: Sep 2, 2011; STOP DOING HEROIN

Ultimately none of this matters because Zeke has no business going in the first loving round

# ? Jul 22, 2016 21:53

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Metapod posted:

Spoeank is Hyde more of a Murray esque runner or shady esque?

Out of those two I'd lean towards Murray but he's more Frank Gore than either of them. Can go through people or around people but never will run past them.

Edit: frank gore without patience

# ? Jul 22, 2016 22:24

Metapod: Mar 18, 2012

Spoeank posted:

Out of those two I'd lean towards Murray but he's more Frank Gore than either of them. Can go through people or around people but never will run past them.

Edit: frank gore without patience

That's unfortunate

# ? Jul 22, 2016 23:18

Its Miller Time: Dec 4, 2004

Any slow drafts starting or is everyone interested involved? Il offer to start one in a few days.

# ? Jul 23, 2016 01:02

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

The current slow draft has like two rounds left so a new one will probably start soon if people are interested

# ? Jul 23, 2016 01:11

cheese: Jan 7, 2004; Shop around for doctors! Always fucking shop for doctors. Doctors are stupid assholes. And they get by because people are cowed by their mystical bullshit quality of being able to maintain a 3.0 GPA at some Guatemalan medical college for 3 semesters. Find one that makes sense.

Benne posted:

Ultimately none of this matters because Zeke has no business going in the first loving round

A rookie RB in the first round is insane, someone took him with the 6th pick in a standard league last week, just smh.

# ? Jul 23, 2016 02:02

jabro: Mar 25, 2003; July Mock Draft 2014

1st PLACE
RUNNER-UP
got the knowshon

Its Miller Time posted:

Any slow drafts starting or is everyone interested involved? Il offer to start one in a few days.

We are almost done with the current one and would be happy to do another if there is room.

# ? Jul 23, 2016 05:33

Leperflesh: May 17, 2007

I've done two now but I'm a greedy motherfucker so I'll be tossing my hat in the ring again for round three, unless the commissioner says I'm not allowed.

# ? Jul 24, 2016 02:40

Suave Fedora: Jun 10, 2004

I am despondent and we're not even in pre-season yet.

# ? Jul 24, 2016 03:24

89: Feb 24, 2006; #worldchamps

Great, with the suspension, Bell is gonna be there at #4 for me to take and it can possibly gently caress up my set in stone strategy of grabbing one of the top 3 WRs.

# ? Jul 24, 2016 09:46

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Lev Bell isn't worth the #4 pick with the suspension.

#14 and we're talking. Maybe.

Now people will probably go top 3:
AB
ODB
Gurley

# ? Jul 24, 2016 16:57

Quarterroys: Jul 1, 2008

If you're a craft beer nerd, and looking for a new FF league this year, we've got two spots open in the Goon ISO:FT League, now entering its 3rd season.

It's a pretty basic 16 teamer with .5 PPR scoring (though we're looking at adding a few tweaks this year like return yards). Each owner puts up $50 worth of local craft beer as their buy-in, and at the end of the season, ships boxes to the winning teams (as well as top regular season points scorers, consolation winners, etc.).

Here's our thread from last year: http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3732413

PM me if you are interested, first come first served. Once full, we're going to start up a new thread and get our draft scheduled.

Also, ask me about how I got knocked out of the semi-finals last year when a Tim Hightower TD got called back due to an illegal formation.

# ? Jul 24, 2016 17:38

Veritek83: Jul 7, 2008; The Irish can't drink. What you always have to remember with the Irish is they get mean. Virtually every Irish I've known gets mean when he drinks.

https://twitter.com/RapSheet/status/757636062156029953

hot drat, Josh Gordon's back

# ? Jul 25, 2016 19:01

Varg: Jan 13, 2007; A friendly face.

Veritek83 posted:

https://twitter.com/RapSheet/status/757636062156029953

hot drat, Josh Gordon's back

bwahaha I kept that slow draft autopick on my team, this is awesome

# ? Jul 25, 2016 19:04

Teemu Pokemon: Jun 19, 2004; To sign them is my real test

With full no movement clause

hey 15th round keeper josh gordon :getin:

# ? Jul 25, 2016 19:12

corn on the cop: Oct 12, 2012; Break what must be broken, once for all, that's all, and take the suffering on oneself.

â Corey Dostoyevsky

josh gordon, runaway winner of 2014's "wasted roster spot" award

# ? Jul 25, 2016 19:24

Beer4TheBeerGod: Aug 23, 2004; Exciting Lemon

LOL Cleveland. Gordon is going to come back and make RG3 look amazing.

# ? Jul 25, 2016 19:32

Metapod: Mar 18, 2012

Beer4TheBeerGod posted:

LOL Cleveland. Gordon is going to come back and make RG3 look amazing.

I hope so

# ? Jul 25, 2016 19:35

Leperflesh: May 17, 2007

Gordon is going to come back for three games in which he shows what a man who hasn't played football or trained effectively for two to three years looks like, and then he's going to get high and permanently end his football career. Good luck with that, guys.

# ? Jul 25, 2016 19:43

Varg: Jan 13, 2007; A friendly face.

Leperflesh posted:

Gordon is going to come back for three games in which he shows what a man who hasn't played football or trained effectively for two to three years looks like, and then he's going to get high and permanently end his football career. Good luck with that, guys.

"Lemme just get a little high, I know I can remember the route if I just smoke a little bit..."

# ? Jul 25, 2016 20:17

Beer4TheBeerGod: Aug 23, 2004; Exciting Lemon

From the NFL N/V thread...

Qwijib0 posted:

538 has created a list of the teams most likely to make good starts to the season by taking into account how much each team's schedule is front/back loaded with quality opponents

pre:

	TEAM 				UNWEIGHTED 		WEIGHTED BY ORDER PLAYED 			BACKLOADED FACTOR
1 	Baltimore Ravens 		-0.1			 	+1.0 					+1.1
2 	Arizona Cardinals 		-0.1 				+0.7				 	+0.8
3 	Oakland Raiders 		-0.2 				+0.5				 	+0.7
4 	Washington Redskins 		+0.3 				+0.8				 	+0.5
5 	Seattle Seahawks 		+0.1 				+0.5 					+0.4
6 	Indianapolis Colts 		-0.6 				-0.3 					+0.4
7 	Tennessee Titans 		-0.5 				-0.2 					+0.3
8 	Green Bay Packers 		-0.5	 			-0.2 					+0.3
9 	Houston Texans 			-0.5 				-0.3 					+0.2
10 	Philadelphia Eagles 		+0.3 				+0.4 					+0.2
11 	Detroit Lions 			-0.2 				0.0 					+0.2
12 	New England Patriots 		+0.1	 			+0.2 					+0.1
13 	Miami Dolphins 			0.0 				+0.1 					+0.1
14 	New Orleans Saints 		+0.3	 			+0.4 					+0.1
15 	Dallas Cowboys 			-0.6 				-0.5 					+0.1
16 	Carolina Panthers 		-0.3 				-0.3 					+0.1
17 	Jacksonville Jaguars	 	-0.2 				-0.1 					0.0
18 	Denver Broncos 			-0.2 				-0.2 					0.0
19 	Cleveland Browns 		+0.3 				+0.3 					0.0
20 	New York Giants 		-0.3 				-0.4 					0.0
21 	San Francisco 49ers 		+0.9 				+0.8 					-0.1
22 	Chicago Bears 			-0.3 				-0.4 					-0.1
23 	Minnesota Vikings 		0.0 				-0.1 					-0.1
24 	Los Angeles Rams 		+0.6 				+0.4 					-0.2
25 	Tampa Bay Buccaneers 		+0.4 				+0.2 					-0.2
26 	Kansas City Chiefs 		-0.3 				-0.5 					-0.2
27 	Atlanta Falcons 		+0.5 				+0.2 					-0.3
28 	San Diego Chargers 		-0.5 				-0.8 					-0.3
29 	Buffalo Bills 			+0.1 				-0.3 					-0.4
30 	Pittsburgh Steelers 		-0.3 				-0.9 					-0.6
31 	New York Jets 			+0.7 				-0.1 					-0.7
32 	Cincinnati Bengals 		0.0 				-0.8 					-0.7

http://fivethirtyeight.com/features/these-nfl-teams-will-probably-start-hot-because-of-an-easy-schedule/

# ? Jul 25, 2016 20:26

Benne: Sep 2, 2011; STOP DOING HEROIN

Remember when people kept Gordon on their bench for 10 weeks expecting him to win a title for them, and then he came back out of shape and played like poo poo

Good times

# ? Jul 25, 2016 20:26

corn on the cop: Oct 12, 2012; Break what must be broken, once for all, that's all, and take the suffering on oneself.

â Corey Dostoyevsky

Benne posted:

Remember when people kept Gordon on their bench for 10 weeks expecting him to win a title for them, and then he came back out of shape and played like poo poo

Good times

i swear i've learned my lesson this time

# ? Jul 25, 2016 20:29

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# ? May 12, 2024 12:42

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

The Gordon Wars almost tore the forums apart.

# ? Jul 25, 2016 20:39

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Armchair Quarterback > Fantasy Football 2016: There is no god. Existence is a joke

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