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The only true event is him falling down randomly.
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Jul 29, 2016 03:17
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| # ? May 12, 2024 17:25 |
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It's kind of disconcerting how many stdh.txts can be summarised as "I kicked a hot girl/black guy in the teeth".
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Jul 29, 2016 04:12
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CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:"I kicked a hot girl/black guy in the teeth" Moooooooooooooddddddddsss
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Jul 29, 2016 05:08
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Weatherman posted:Moooooooooooooddddddddsss eh, no way that actually happened.
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Jul 29, 2016 06:27
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Weatherman posted:Moooooooooooooddddddddsss The Many Moods of poo poo that didn't Happen, now available on CD?
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Jul 29, 2016 08:17
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Friendquote:My best friend and I were out at a bar when I saw, across the crowded room, a girl I had spent three-plus years being absolutely infatuated with. In turn, the said walked all over me, toyed with my heart, screwed with my emotions, and topped it all off by dating my then-best friend and, when I pulled the I Just Wanted My Beloved To Be Happy card, getting curio-throwing upset, said our friendship was over and made my then-best friend choose between me and her, and he picked her. It emotionally and mentally scarred me for a good long while, and it took the girl who would become my best friend to pull me out of it and help me deal (I, in turn, helped my best friend get over her divorce and start her new life). I pointed out the girl to my best friend and she said "don't look at her, don't worry about her, it's you and me tonight having fun." When my best friend went to the bathroom however, the girl came over. After two-plus years, she still knew what buttons to push to get me going and did so while talking about how "happy me and your ex-best friend are and look at the size of my engagement ring and gee you're still alone that's so sad." As I'm debating how many beers it's going take for me to cope with this new emotional barrage, an arm slips around my shoulder. My best friend is staring DAGGERS at the girl, but she says in the most sincere, honest tone I've ever heard, "just because you didn't need him as a portable ego anymore didn't mean you had to destroy him. But I have to thank you, because if you hadn't thrown him away, I never would have met this wonderful man." She kissed me on the cheek, before turning back to the girl and saying "in ten years, you'll be thinking about how you mistreated him and I'll be thanking God for this man being my friend." Those words pretty much BrainBleached away all the scarring and emotional wounds the girl ever inflicted on me, and to this day about eight years later, my best friend is still that and I haven't seriously thought about the girl until this post. Woobie quote:This troper's youngest cousin is a bit of a real-life woobie. She was abandoned as an infant and put in an orphanage, where she was adopted by this troper's aunt and uncle. However, due to less-than-efficient medical care at said orphanage, what ought to have been a run-of-the-mill ear infection left her permanently deaf, and she had to undergo many expensive (and in some cases, failed) surgeries in order to regain a portion of her hearing. Being deaf, and not being very close to any hearing impaired-friendly elementary school, she's had education issues as well. However, when this troper went to visit her, she spent many hours playing with her—drawing her pictures of Winnie-the-Pooh, playing card games with her, et cetera. Nothing too big—but when she ran to show her parents and aunt and uncle what pretty pictures she and her big cousin had drawn, and to tell everyone how she'd beaten a big kid at Go Fish (Well, she did!), everyone came out and hugged this troper for being such a good playmate. D'aaaaw. Essay quote:This troper has had a rather limited experience with guys who don't see her as just-a-friend or as The Chew Toy, and I hadn't ever been called beautiful by anyone who wasn't related to me. So it was something of a...new experience when, two weeks into her freshmen year of high school, a guy randomly came up and asked what book she was reading. This particular guy turned into my best friend, and there's always been a weird flux between Just Friends and the two of us all but saying we're going out; for instance, one of his nicknames for me is "fair maiden". A couple of weeks ago, I was in a pretty low spot because I had to completely rewrite an essay that I was perfectly happy with and wasn't even sure what I was supposed to do. On the verge of tears, I decided I'd better take a break and checked my email. What greeted me was an email from my best friend in which he happened to randomly address me as "fairest maiden", which he hadn't done for about a year. Cue me melting all over the floor and having enough renewed confidence to knock out an A+ essay (which, in that particular class, is near-impossible). Mother quote:This troper has one that happened recently at his church. For almost all of the first half of church that morning while the preacher was saying his sermon, a baby girl kept crying in the arms of her mother somewhere in the pews to the right of where I was sitting. After almost half-way through the sermon or so, a lady that was sitting next to me, got up from her seat and walked over to where the young mother with the crying baby was sitting. The lady sat down next to her, asked if she could hold the baby for a few minutes. The mother agreed and placed the still crying baby girl into the lady's hands, whom began to rock the baby in her arms and played with the baby girl, making her laugh and giggle until the little baby finally fell asleep in the lady's arms. The lady continued to rock the baby until the sermon was finally over as well as church. Right before the congregation was dismissed by the preacher, the lady walked back over and sat down next to me again and then the preacher asked us to stay seated for just a few more minutes because he had something that he wanted to say. I can still remember exactly what he said, "Before I dismiss all of you on this beautiful Sunday morning, I having something that I want to say. The Bible says that angels come in many forms and I believe that we have just seen one." The lady next to me blushed as we all turned towards her and applauded her. As for who that lady was, she was my mother. It may not be as heartwarming as many of the examples on here, but to me, it was one of the most heartwarming moments in my life. (My own mother would have barfed over this story)
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Jul 29, 2016 09:06
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Khazar-khum posted:
I smell a fedora
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Jul 29, 2016 09:12
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Khazar-khum posted:Friend I really like Nice Guy stories in general, but I think this is the first one in which the dude both explicitly says he hates a woman because she slept with someone else and is the one who actively ends friendships with his vagina-entitledness. Like it's usually the case, but the average story at least pretends it isn't,
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Jul 29, 2016 11:36
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Khazar-khum posted:
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Jul 29, 2016 11:46
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It's weird because that's also apparently not how the game works. Afaik you can't "steal" a pokemon from someone else. So the people sharing this either a) know it's complete bullshit b) don't play the game, but then why share such a stupid story about it? Do they hope it'll make them belong or sth?!
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Jul 29, 2016 15:11
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I know it's not actually funny, but that is very obviously meant as a joke. Don't analyze it.
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Jul 29, 2016 15:19
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Fathis Munk posted:It's weird because that's also apparently not how the game works. Afaik you can't "steal" a pokemon from someone else. So the people sharing this either a) know it's complete bullshit b) don't play the game, but then why share such a stupid story about it? Do they hope it'll make them belong or sth?! The Pokemon that spawn nearby spawn for everyone in the area, not just for one person, and everybody is given the opportunity to catch it independently. So all of these stories about people racing to catch a Pokemon and steal it from each other is bullshit. Even if it is meant as a joke, their target audience is obviously people who play Pokemon Go, so why even bother when the core information in the joke is wrong?
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Jul 29, 2016 15:36
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Fathis Munk posted:It's weird because that's also apparently not how the game works. Afaik you can't "steal" a pokemon from someone else. So the people sharing this either a) know it's complete bullshit b) don't play the game, but then why share such a stupid story about it? Do they hope it'll make them belong or sth?! Its unbelievable how pervasive this fake joke belief has become. Like, 8 out of 10 pokemon go posts on the internet will be about some old guy or some teacher "stealing" pokemon from kids, which cannot happen.
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Jul 29, 2016 15:55
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Solid Cake posted:The Pokemon that spawn nearby spawn for everyone in the area, not just for one person, and everybody is given the opportunity to catch it independently. So all of these stories about people racing to catch a Pokemon and steal it from each other is bullshit. Even if it is meant as a joke, their target audience is obviously people who play Pokemon Go, so why even bother when the core information in the joke is wrong? They still get their internet points either way - the people who haven't pl ayed it will read it and think it's "funny", and the rest will give them a ton of comments/views to angrily tell them "that's not how it works".
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Jul 29, 2016 16:06
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Earlier today, a friend told me a story about a pirate with a steering wheel down his pants. Apparently it was "driving his nuts." I asked him how that worked, since nuts can't drive on their own, and a steering wheel obviously isn't enough to do it. What, does he have a little set of rolling wheels down his pants, or maybe a small dinghy? When he couldn't answer my questions I, without missing a beat, called him out on his obvious stdh. He was visibly shaken, and ran from the room crying, applause, blowjobs, Einstein. I don't understand why anyone would go to such lengths to lie. If you know enough to identify a pirate, you also know that boats need to be in water to drive.
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Jul 29, 2016 17:06
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Solid Cake posted:The Pokemon that spawn nearby spawn for everyone in the area, not just for one person, and everybody is given the opportunity to catch it independently. So all of these stories about people racing to catch a Pokemon and steal it from each other is bullshit. Even if it is meant as a joke, their target audience is obviously people who play Pokemon Go, so why even bother when the core information in the joke is wrong? Also, the wrist thing just automatically catches Pokemon for you and buzzes to let you know it caught one.
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Jul 29, 2016 17:07
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Kajeesus posted:Earlier today, a friend told me a story about a pirate with a steering wheel down his pants. Apparently it was "driving his nuts." I asked him how that worked, since nuts can't drive on their own, and a steering wheel obviously isn't enough to do it. What, does he have a little set of rolling wheels down his pants, or maybe a small dinghy? When he couldn't answer my questions I, without missing a beat, called him out on his obvious stdh. He was visibly shaken, and ran from the room crying, applause, blowjobs, Einstein. don't you dare compare one of the greatest jokes ever written to the pokémon go trash. I'm getting heated over here
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Jul 29, 2016 17:17
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I just think it's weird how many of those stories involve teachers when it's still July and the game came out this month.
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Jul 29, 2016 19:22
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Henchman of Santa posted:I just think it's weird how many of those stories involve teachers when it's still July and the game came out this month. Some regions have year round school, so etc Also even nerds have to go to summer school sometimes I like the cartoon exchange one even though it's fake. Most of these stdhs end with one person being the obvious, superior victor, but this just ends with both sides putting aside their differences and being pals  More stdhs ought to be a lesson in humility imo.
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Jul 29, 2016 19:27
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Speaking of Pokemon Go poo poo that didn't/won't happen Why yes Ms. Johnson, please use up 30+ minutes of class time to use up all 100 pokeballs i have, it certainly woulden't be easier to just take the phone away for the day and make the parent/kid pay out of pocket to get it back.
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Jul 29, 2016 19:57
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Solid Cake posted:The Pokemon that spawn nearby spawn for everyone in the area, not just for one person, and everybody is given the opportunity to catch it independently. So all of these stories about people racing to catch a Pokemon and steal it from each other is bullshit. Earlier in this thread, I swear someone pointed out the reverse. And thus - story is about black guys telling white nerd where some rare pokemon is - posters say that Pokemon Go doesn't work like that, that it doesn't spawn the same pokemon in the same spots for everyone - I bring up that fact about the game somehow on a date and embarass myself. Whoopsie e: argh, I found what I think is that story, but the image was removed: http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3772327&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=36#post461929875 None of the followup quotes back up my memory of things. Truly stdh! kimbo305 has a new favorite as of 20:51 on Jul 29, 2016 |
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Jul 29, 2016 20:34
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Khazar-khum posted:
Waiting for the follow-up where he shows up with a printer.
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Jul 29, 2016 20:44
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Solid Cake posted:The Pokemon that spawn nearby spawn for everyone in the area, not just for one person, and everybody is given the opportunity to catch it independently. So all of these stories about people racing to catch a Pokemon and steal it from each other is bullshit. Even if it is meant as a joke, their target audience is obviously people who play Pokemon Go, so why even bother when the core information in the joke is wrong? To be fair, I can understand why someone who has only played the game by themselves wouldn't realize this. Unless you're specifically around other people who inform you of the fact they're trying to catch the same thing as you, you probably wouldn't realize that the game works this way.
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Jul 29, 2016 21:07
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Ytlaya posted:To be fair, I can understand why someone who has only played the game by themselves wouldn't realize this. Unless you're specifically around other people who inform you of the fact they're trying to catch the same thing as you, you probably wouldn't realize that the game works this way. Right and the people who write these things aren't likely to be around others, let alone others who will interact with them voluntarily.
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Jul 29, 2016 22:17
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sweeperbravo posted:Some regions have year round school, so etc Also it didn't actually happen
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Jul 29, 2016 23:46
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sweeperbravo posted:Right and the people who write these things aren't likely to be around others, let alone others who will interact with them voluntarily. Now now that's not entirely fair, Pokemon Go is the only reason these people are going outside at all.They just haven't worked up the courage to talk to that other group of people across the park quite yet 
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Jul 30, 2016 00:59
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Pokemon Go poo poo that did happen: a meeting I was in got interrupted because someone walked in to tell another person in the meeting that a friend if them had gotten a pikachu
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Jul 30, 2016 01:01
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Furia posted:Pokemon Go poo poo that did happen: a meeting I was in got interrupted because someone walked in to tell another person in the meeting that a friend if them had gotten a pikachu Was this a school club / sports team / student government type of meeting
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Jul 30, 2016 01:29
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augias posted:Was this a school club / sports team / student government type of meeting Uni meeting with members of group work. I know those are more relaxed and informal but it still annoyed me a whole bunch
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Jul 30, 2016 01:32
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Why would you be annoyed so much, you are in the springtime of your youth. Maybe someone in your workgroup has some marijuana you could ingest
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Jul 30, 2016 01:44
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augias posted:Why would you be annoyed so much, you are in the springtime of your youth. Maybe someone in your workgroup has some marijuana you could ingest You're right I guess. But it's still incredibly disrespectful There is someone in the group fitting that description. It is me, incredibly
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Jul 30, 2016 01:58
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Furia posted:Uni meeting with members of group work. I know those are more relaxed and informal but it still annoyed me a whole bunch lol
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Jul 30, 2016 02:02
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Like Pikachu is a starter, so why would you care about tracking another one down  I guess it's a little obscure to get, since you have to just ignore the normal 3 until they wander off but that's not that illogical
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Jul 30, 2016 02:11
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So when I met my current girlfriend, we met through our love of pokemon. It was love at first sight. Poke Go was in full swing and I was looking for a very rare Vaporeon. As fate would have it, the Vaporeon was near a lake, (dare I say luck....or fate?). As I was getting closer to my white whale of a Pokemon (By white whale, I mean a reference to the classic book, Moby Dick, about a man who obsesses over a whale. Something that I would come to find ironic when I met my girlfriend. Not because she was a whale, lol, just because she was kind of fat. And whales are usually fat. But she lost weight, so not sure why this is relavent.... So I met her while we both got to Vaporeon at the same time. She wanted it so bad, but I got it first. As I got there, I shouted "Team Rocket is blasting off again". A reference to the popular Pokemon show "Pokemon". In that show, a small cadre of villains would be mean to people. Namely the protagonist, Assh. So they would say that when they won. I said that when I got there before her. Because I got the Pokemon before her. However she took it all in good stride, laughing and saying I won good sir. She complimented my quick thinking and liked that I was ready for a good Pokemoning* (Apparently she made this verb up. I just went with it, who am I to deny a poet). Anyhow, I was Pokemoning and she caught me. I took her Vaporeon, but that was how it should be. From there, we talked and things kept going. For as long as we knew each other, every time something happened to the other, we would use the classic line "Team Rocket is Blasting Off Again". Whether it was her beating me to Golden Corral's ranch fountain or the cats litter box, she always knew our secret song. Our whale song, if you will. All this time, we wanted kids. So badly. I knew they would be just what we wanted. Someone to play WoW with and help us clean. I was ready to be a dad and she was ready to eat even more once our in laws knew we had an extra mouth to feed. "Team Rocket is Blasting Off Again".....but it didn't have quite the effect I was hoping for. Even though the Wal-Mart toilet deserved it, I didn't say it with as much gusto as I was used to. My love, my Misty....my blasting Team Rocket....she had some issues. Not type two diabetes like I hoped, but the big C. We were worried about our hope We wanted kids so bad. Someone to keep catching Pokemon even after we were dead. We had been trying for awhile, but it never seemed to work. When we went to a specialist, my sperm were deemed "too bored". But I kept trying our special phrase, the one from when we first met...."Team Rocket is Blasting Off Again"......to no avail. Anyways, we wanted something for us to remember her. A complete Naruto Manga collection, as impressive as that is, was not enough. We wanted my seed to grow and have our own love grow. And we tried, even up until the end. Nothing ever worked, but I remember our last moments. She was too weak to eat her last Krispey Kream, but I force fed her as I climbed on top, our stomachs giving us our last friction of hope for what I thought was the last time. As I ate the last donut hole we had, I cried and gave her the last gift I could give...."Team Rocket is Blasting Off Again.' But it would never blast off again.................................................
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Jul 30, 2016 10:44
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Jul 30, 2016 12:01
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Kajeesus posted:I really like Nice Guy stories in general, but I think this is the first one in which the dude both explicitly says he hates a woman because she slept with someone else and is the one who actively ends friendships with his vagina-entitledness. Like it's usually the case, but the average story at least pretends it isn't, You're trying to conclude that the idiot is a misogynist simply because (in his fantasy) he is mad because his best friend ended up dating a girl he likes? People can have issues with someone, even if they're wrong for having them, without you needing to go into a ridiculous tangent of hate against women. Good that it didn't happen though.
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Jul 30, 2016 12:24
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Non Serviam posted:You're trying to conclude that the idiot is a misogynist simply because (in his fantasy) he is mad because his best friend ended up dating a girl he likes? "hates a woman" not "hates women"
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Jul 30, 2016 15:42
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But what if you hate Chaka Kahn? She is every woman. Than you HATE EVERY WOMAN by hating ONE WOMAN. 
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Jul 30, 2016 21:17
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sweeperbravo posted:"hates a woman" not "hates women" That's no accurate though. He did talk about" nice guys "and" vagina entitlement" You know, idiotic stuff for the outrage crowd.
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Jul 30, 2016 22:05
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| # ? May 12, 2024 17:25 |
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Non Serviam posted:the outrage crowd. don't namedrop my rap group
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Jul 31, 2016 00:34
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