STAR TREK: Picard's Assimilated Balls

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > STAR TREK: Picard's Assimilated Balls

The General: Mar 4, 2007

More shows should take the hint from Scrubs. "I'm no super man" then the show starts. Could seriously do without 1:30 of Bullshit every episode. First episode of a season sure. Or things like that cool Enterprise mirror universe opening. That might be the best thing in enterprise.

Edit: and the Simpsons have had intro gags for 30 years. If you want me to watch it, make it different. Hire a guy to render the ship going past different planets and phenomenon and stuff. Thrones has places on the map changing. Pre show talk about what's gonna happen that's cool too.

The General fucked around with this message at 21:29 on Jul 31, 2016

# ? Jul 31, 2016 21:23

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# ? May 18, 2024 21:00

Nigmaetcetera: Nov 17, 2004; borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins

corn in the bible posted:

xenobiology is literally just a bunch of bullshit scifi

Yeah I know I mentioned that in the original 8,000 word draft of my post.

# ? Jul 31, 2016 21:23

Germstore: Oct 17, 2012; A Serious Candidate For a Serious Time

Given a sample size of one for sapient species I'm going to go out on a limb and say aliens would look exactly like us except for nose or head ridges.

# ? Jul 31, 2016 21:26

Teriyaki Hairpiece: Dec 29, 2006; I'm nae the voice o' the darkened thistle, but th' darkened thistle cannae bear the sight o' our Bonnie Prince Bernie nae mair.

I've never watched Enterprise because it isn't really Star Trek.

# ? Jul 31, 2016 21:37

Germstore: Oct 17, 2012; A Serious Candidate For a Serious Time

cheerfullydrab posted:

I've never watched Enterprise because it isn't really Star Trek.

It has that one really good episode that's very Star Treky. 1 out of 98 aint bad.

# ? Jul 31, 2016 21:39

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

Nigmaetcetera posted:

Yeah I know I mentioned that in the original 8,000 word draft of my post.

Why would anyone edit their posts down for size? That's madness.

# ? Jul 31, 2016 21:52

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

Also shouldn't that lady have just collapsed in on herself, like when you take a shallow water fish down to deep sea levels? Or at least just laid on the floor leaking fluids?

# ? Jul 31, 2016 21:55

Fister Roboto: Feb 21, 2008

It could be just a slight difference in gravity, but enough to make her muscles weaker and her bones more brittle than someone who grew up in 1g. Really there ought to be more people like her in Federation, but this is Star Trek and every single planet is 1g with a nitrogen-oxygen atmosphere and exactly one climate type.

# ? Jul 31, 2016 22:05

BattleMaster: Aug 14, 2000

criscodisco posted:

Or at least just laid on the floor leaking fluids?

keep going I'm almost there

# ? Jul 31, 2016 22:05

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

Ugh I have to pee so bad but my urethra is only rated for .4g, the pressure has flattened it. drat you ablist federation.

# ? Jul 31, 2016 22:17

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

Why didn't they just strap her to Worf's back? They could have done a rousing version of Le Jazz Hot for the promenade when things were slow.

# ? Jul 31, 2016 22:34

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

Although if I remember she was a big old whiner anyway, I'm sure she would have found a way to get all put out over that, too.

I mean, if I were on an alien world the last thing I'd do it throw a fit when I couldn't find any shoes at Payless that fit my bizarre alien feet.

# ? Jul 31, 2016 22:46

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

"we already fixed all our cripples, honey. Sorry about your lackluster world."

# ? Jul 31, 2016 22:47

bleep.bloop: Jun 19, 2016; Oh, dear leader!

criscodisco posted:

Why didn't they just strap her to Worf's back? They could have done a rousing version of Le Jazz Hot for the promenade when things were slow.

This crippled girl is without honor.

# ? Jul 31, 2016 22:49

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

Or just make her sit in a chair and request a teleport any time she wants to go somewhere else.

# ? Jul 31, 2016 22:50

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

"transporter room, one to take a dump"

# ? Jul 31, 2016 22:50

Germstore: Oct 17, 2012; A Serious Candidate For a Serious Time

Bashir's parents did nothing wrong. Don't scar on the first cut, humanity!

# ? Jul 31, 2016 22:51

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

Do you think they have Depends on the future? If so, are they made out of the same hologram material that the hand towels on TNG were made of, the ones that look like they can't dry anything?

# ? Jul 31, 2016 22:51

Baronjutter: Dec 31, 2007; "Tiny Trains"

Glossy shiny waterproof fabrics make the best towels in the future.

# ? Jul 31, 2016 22:56

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

I was visiting my mom and got really bored w/ her so I raided her bookshelf for supernatural erotica and found an Anne rice book about witches and I'm reading it and I kept feeling like I'd heard a similar plot before and suddenly I realized star trek: the next generation totally stole this story when they made sexy Dr crusher have a scottish family gently caress ghost that fucks all the ladies, passed down from generation to the next generation because that's literally the plot of this book: a witch in scotland makes friends with a ghost and fucks it and then it fucks her daughter and her daughter's daughter and all the daughters and even the occasional sexy witch son and I mean what are doctors if not science witches?

Anyway great book plenty of good descriptions of ghostcock filling up witchpussy and witchtitties being ghostsucked and good stuff like that would read and j/o all over myself again, same with that TNG episode, seeing bev cum from a ghost was and is a high point of life for child me and manchild me

# ? Jul 31, 2016 23:19

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

Oh and I kinda like the goofy new STD ship :3:

it's dumb but in a silly way, not an Ent-E way, that thing looked like a fuckin spaceshit not a spaceship IMO, this new STD reminds me of that silly Vulcan IDIC thing gene came up with to make money by selling it on t-shirts or keychains or w/e but no one fuckin cared, not one bit. But I cared.

# ? Jul 31, 2016 23:24

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

Gatekeeper posted:

Oh and I kinda like the goofy new STD ship it's dumb but in a silly way, not an Ent-E way, that thing looked like a fuckin spaceshit not a spaceship IMO, this new STD reminds me of that silly Vulcan IDIC thing gene came up with to make money by selling it on t-shirts or keychains or w/e but no one fuckin cared, not one bit. But I cared.

I'm surprised they thought they'd get away with CGI that looked like it belonged in an early-1990's Mainframe series.

# ? Jul 31, 2016 23:28

Tighclops: Jan 23, 2008; Unable to deal with it; Grimey Drawer

Baronjutter posted:

Glossy shiny waterproof fabrics make the best towels in the future.

I found a comforter once that looked like something from TNG so I bought it and it would repeatedly just slide right the gently caress off my bed

Gatekeeper posted:

I was visiting my mom and got really bored w/ her so I raided her bookshelf for supernatural erotica and found an Anne rice book about witches and I'm reading it and I kept feeling like I'd heard a similar plot before and suddenly I realized star trek: the next generation totally stole this story when they made sexy Dr crusher have a scottish family gently caress ghost that fucks all the ladies, passed down from generation to the next generation because that's literally the plot of this book: a witch in scotland makes friends with a ghost and fucks it and then it fucks her daughter and her daughter's daughter and all the daughters and even the occasional sexy witch son and I mean what are doctors if not science witches?

Anyway great book plenty of good descriptions of ghostcock filling up witchpussy and witchtitties being ghostsucked and good stuff like that would read and j/o all over myself again, same with that TNG episode, seeing bev cum from a ghost was and is a high point of life for child me and manchild me

I can remember when I found my mom's anne rice stash but it didn't phase me because I already knew she was loving nuts

# ? Jul 31, 2016 23:28

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

Neddy Seagoon posted:

I'm surprised they thought they'd get away with CGI that looked like it belonged in an early-1990's Mainframe series.

Yeah it's weird that the CGI is so bad, I like the weird ship but it should look real and not like I made it

# ? Jul 31, 2016 23:36

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

I started playing a cell phone game about star trek called Timelines and it's dumb

but today I got a captain proton Tom Paris character and I'm trainin him up and makin him a man and he's gonna help out Captain Sisco and Prisoner "Bones" McCoy and Recovering Spock and I'm gonna win so many away team missions now :rock:

# ? Jul 31, 2016 23:44

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

Tighclops posted:

I found a comforter once that looked like something from TNG so I bought it and it would repeatedly just slide right the gently caress off my bed

I can remember when I found my mom's anne rice stash but it didn't phase me because I already knew she was loving nuts

I've seen comforters like that and they're worthless. Seriously people, get a really good comforter, it's a worthy investment. If it weighs less than 40 pounds and contains less than 5 animals it ain't worth jack poo poo. My other half sheared a wingnut a couple of years ago because I spent $600 on a comforter but he shut his mouth when he slept under it, plus it will last forever.

My mom never read Anne Rice or anything like that, but when I was 7 I had to do a book report and she gave me a book called "Go Ask Alice", which was a supposedly true (it's not) diary of a 70's drug addict.

There was a part about how she was homeless and had to shove dried leaves up her pussy because she didn't have tampons and I was reading it to my friends at school and the teacher recognized the book and took it away forever. I'll never know if Alice got her life together or not.

# ? Aug 1, 2016 00:15

Automatic Slim: Jul 1, 2007

Gatekeeper posted:

I was visiting my mom and got really bored w/ her so I raided her bookshelf for supernatural erotica and found an Anne rice book about witches and I'm reading it and I kept feeling like I'd heard a similar plot before and suddenly I realized star trek: the next generation totally stole this story when they made sexy Dr crusher have a scottish family gently caress ghost that fucks all the ladies, passed down from generation to the next generation because that's literally the plot of this book: a witch in scotland makes friends with a ghost and fucks it and then it fucks her daughter and her daughter's daughter and all the daughters and even the occasional sexy witch son and I mean what are doctors if not science witches?

Anyway great book plenty of good descriptions of ghostcock filling up witchpussy and witchtitties being ghostsucked and good stuff like that would read and j/o all over myself again, same with that TNG episode, seeing bev cum from a ghost was and is a high point of life for child me and manchild me

Didn't someone earlier in the thread share a story that either Anne Rice ghost wrote that episode or they attributed it to her after it aired? Or maybe it was one of those unsolicited submissions that the TNG writing staff allowed. It slipped through because TNG writers don't read Anne Rice.

# ? Aug 1, 2016 00:16

Baronjutter: Dec 31, 2007; "Tiny Trains"

I loving love that episode. TNG has so many crappy forgettable episodes but there's no forgetting that one. It's so bad you will not forget it. The worst crime is for something to be bad because it's boring, that episode is awesomely terrible.

# ? Aug 1, 2016 00:24

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

Automatic Slim posted:

Didn't someone earlier in the thread share a story that either Anne Rice ghost wrote that episode or they attributed it to her after it aired? Or maybe it was one of those unsolicited submissions that the TNG writing staff allowed. It slipped through because TNG writers don't read Anne Rice.

I went to Memory Alpha and found this:

quote:

Taylor denied that the story was inspired by Anne Rice's The Witching Hour. She explained, "One of Brannonand my favorite movies is The Innocents, which comes from Henry James' Turn of the Screw. We saw this episode as a homage, and we packed in every sort of Gothic ghost story trick that one could imagine." (Star Trek: The Next Generation Companion; Captains' Logs: The Unauthorized Complete Trek Voyages)

Apropos of nothing, Memory Alpha is one big buggy piece of poo poo anymore. It used to be fine, like 7 years ago. Now it gives my laptop and tablet diarrhea every time I go, and every page takes like 5 minutes to fully load.

# ? Aug 1, 2016 00:28

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

criscodisco posted:

I went to Memory Alpha and found this:

Apropos of nothing, Memory Alpha is one big buggy piece of poo poo anymore. It used to be fine, like 7 years ago. Now it gives my laptop and tablet diarrhea every time I go, and every page takes like 5 minutes to fully load.

I like the remark about how they basically got away with murder in regards to showing Beverly pretty much orgasming on prime-time family TV, in the early 90's no less.

# ? Aug 1, 2016 01:29

Nefarious 2.0: Apr 22, 2008; Offense is overrated anyway.

Neddy Seagoon posted:

showing Beverly pretty much orgasming

i retract anything negative i may have said about this episode

# ? Aug 1, 2016 01:34

CharlieWhiskey: Aug 18, 2005; everything, all the time

this is the world

Neddy Seagoon posted:

I like the remark about how they basically got away with murder in regards to showing Beverly pretty much orgasming on prime-time family TV, in the early 90's no less.

Were people having orgasms in The Game when they finished a level? (y/n)

Adolescent me is waiting for your responses in 1991

# ? Aug 1, 2016 02:01

Nefarious 2.0: Apr 22, 2008; Offense is overrated anyway.

CharlieWhiskey posted:

Were people having orgasms in The Game when they finished a level? (y/n)

Adolescent me is waiting for your responses in 1991

yes. the enterprise smelled like cum for a month

# ? Aug 1, 2016 02:04

criscodisco: Feb 18, 2004; do it

Nefarious 2.0 posted:

yes. the enterprise smelled like cum for a month

Finally no one would be able to smell my farts.

# ? Aug 1, 2016 02:35

treiz01: Jan 2, 2008; There is little that makes me happier than taking drugs. Perhaps administering them, designing and carrying out experiments that bend the plane of what we consider reality.

The General posted:

More shows should take the hint from Scrubs.

Thanks for reminding me about what show I have to watch next.

# ? Aug 1, 2016 02:45

Big Mean Jerk: Jan 27, 2009; Well, of course I know him.
He's me.

treiz01 posted:

Thanks for reminding me about what show I have to watch next.

Don't. I loved that show when it aired but most of it doesn't hold up at all on rewatch.

# ? Aug 1, 2016 03:06

Mr.Pibbleton: Feb 3, 2006; Aleuts rock, chummer.

Big Mean Jerk posted:

Don't. I loved that show when it aired but most of it doesn't hold up at all on rewatch.

I watched a few seasons of scrubs back in the day and when I was visiting some family we watched some episodes I hadn't seen yet, I enjoyed them, maybe treiz01 will too.

# ? Aug 1, 2016 04:25