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Corpse-groper goon, you have obviously posted here because that memory still excites you, and you've been otherwise unlucky in love. I suggest you focus on career for a while instead. Why not find a nice job in a funeral home or morgue. Who knows, you might meet a fellow worker there with similar tastes, and I bet you won't get bored while you wait. 
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Aug 15, 2016 11:53
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Motherfucker posted:Dear corpse goon, I'd have punched you in the face. Also how the gently caress did that even happen, like, I've been to some middle school parties but nobody ever loving died, some people got hosed up but like, if there was a corpse there would be no window of opportunity to grope it ever... My first assumption was that it never happened, but I've been to college parties where people could have died (i.e. choking on their own puke) so it's not out of the realm of possibility. But that is a fairly loud way to die and would likely wake someone up before you oculd get your grope on. Also how did no one wake up while he was on the phone to 911? My theory is he did grope an unconscious girl but fabricated the death part to spice it up and be extra 
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Aug 15, 2016 12:04
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We had a few die about 6-8 years ago when morphine patches were the cool thing for a while locally. However, I don't remember hearing about any of the corpses being fondled.
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Aug 15, 2016 12:19
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Wait, did the girl from corpsegroper goon's story actually die or not  poo poo's hosed-up either way of courseAnd childfree goon, you are of course aware that people can and often do get pregnant on purpose, right? All your examples were unwanted pregnancies, of COURSE those are gonna gently caress up people's lives. If you're doing it on purpose it's not the same.
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Aug 15, 2016 12:43
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I don't want kids either. Not one bit. It cost me a fiance and everything, but there's nothing wrong with not wanting them and not wanting to be around them. Live your life with your husband and the two of you can just retire like 15 years earlier and vacation around the world with all your saved money!
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Aug 15, 2016 13:35
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Kidgoon, it's pretty okay. Kids are horrible little monsters and most people who have them shouldn't IMO. Just don't have kids.
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Aug 15, 2016 16:23
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Kids are great. Kids are horrible. If you want kids, have them and be a good parent. If you don't want kids, more power too you. It's not fair to a small human to be a lovely parent who resents them. Don't have kids.
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Aug 15, 2016 16:50
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I've noticed pro-life activists also seem to have this same kind of blindness to the idea that it's possible to get pregnant on purpose like, the stuff about how they think pro-choice people just hate babies and families, along with the classic "what if your mom had aborted YOU  " argument, only makes any sense at all if you take it as a given that people only ever get pregnant by accident and nobody actually wants kidsBombadilillo posted:Kids are great. This. If you want kids, you should have kids, but if you don't want kids, you actually have a moral obligation not to have any kids.
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Aug 15, 2016 16:56
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suicide squad is loving garbage
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Aug 15, 2016 18:11
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Solice Kirsk posted:I don't want kids either. Not one bit. It cost me a fiance and everything, but there's nothing wrong with not wanting them and not wanting to be around them. Live your life with your husband and the two of you can just retire like 15 years earlier and vacation around the world with all your saved money! how did you manage to get engaged and whether or not you were having kids hadn't come up? were you 18
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Aug 15, 2016 18:15
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Jose posted:how did you manage to get engaged and whether or not you were having kids hadn't come up? were you 18 Some people say they are cool with it at first but then "change their minds" later 
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Aug 15, 2016 18:18
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Sometimes people's 'biological clock' kicks in and they want kids now. It happens. Humans is smart though and can have. "I am damaged and don't want to pass that on" easily override any innate drive to procreate. But maybe the husband doesn't have that. He may or may not midlife crisis. It's post marriage but not too late to have a frank conversation and tell him to get out now and go lead a happy life with someone else while they are both young enough to move on. It sound calloused to say 'damagaed' bit it's a general term. I have a cousin who all his siblings have genetic deseases, mulptiple, and he won't have kids because he doesn't want to pass his bad genes. A mature decision, but I can't blame a woman for not wanting to partner with him for life because of it. Kids is a big BIG deal. Your life literally becomes not about you anymore.
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Aug 15, 2016 18:49
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Jose posted:how did you manage to get engaged and whether or not you were having kids hadn't come up? were you 18 She changed her mind and I didn't change mine. She's married with two kids now and absolutely miserable so I think I made the correct decision. I feel kinda bad for her, but she followed what she thought she wanted so I can't be too upset. Still think the two of us would have been happier together, but we'll never know now. Having a relationship fall apart where both people are still totally in love with each other is a weird thing.
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Aug 15, 2016 20:23
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bald gnome error posted:i'm the guy who refers to loving whores as a "hobby" and also i can't use my arms so good anymore cause i strained all the muscles in my torso from patting my own back so frantically, on account of how i once told a woman i gently caress whores, and then that lying bitch broke up with me instead of understanding that i'm actually a crusader for the dignity and respect whores deserve. i also post about this anonymously on www dot something awful dot com. i'm basically like a white mlk jr for whores and i don't know why no one else sees that I read this in danny devito's voice is it is a Good Post whoooores
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Aug 15, 2016 22:13
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Solice Kirsk posted:She changed her mind and I didn't change mine. She's married with two kids now and absolutely miserable so I think I made the correct decision. I feel kinda bad for her, but she followed what she thought she wanted so I can't be too upset. Still think the two of us would have been happier together, but we'll never know now. Having a relationship fall apart where both people are still totally in love with each other is a weird thing. i understand but i feel this should happen before someone pops the question i guess
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Aug 15, 2016 22:28
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SniperWoreConverse posted:All he'd have to do is nut once every 48 minutes, on average, for 24 hours straight. With good time management it can be done imo. the refractory period gets longer after each nut.
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Aug 15, 2016 22:31
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Lucky Guy posted:I read this in danny devito's voice is it is a Good Post it really did work HOORS
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Aug 15, 2016 22:32
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hobbyist is another word for Trash Man
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Aug 15, 2016 23:02
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Groovelord Neato posted:the refractory period gets longer after each nut. somebody call a goon from the acedemics forum to derive the ejaculate function
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Aug 15, 2016 23:24
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Jose posted:i understand but i feel this should happen before someone pops the question i guess It did. She changed her mind.
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Aug 15, 2016 23:42
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'Hobbyist' is quite possibly the grossest term I've ever heard. In  those types of people call themselves 'punters' which is not quite as gross.Also, non anonymous confession: I dated a sex worker for 7 years, my best friend is a sex worker and most of my friendship group either works in or around the sex industry or at least supports them and I still don't tell people about the times I've gone to parlours because they would judge the poo poo out of me for it. If you enjoy it, good on you, but don't be that skeevy dude who insists on telling everyone about his exploits.
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Aug 15, 2016 23:52
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I tend to build these statues of famous people made of ground beef and then I nut on them and then I eat them up,
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Aug 16, 2016 01:00
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omg i thought you said this was anonymous
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Aug 16, 2016 01:00
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Zzulu posted:I tend to build these statues of famous people made of ground beef and then I nut on them and then I eat them up, I can't believe I'm typing this, but can you post a picture of a bacon Jimmy Durante pre-semen? Eh, let's live a little. Post-semen as well.
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Aug 16, 2016 01:13
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quote:I grew up out in the middle of the country between several small towns. We had a farm and we did okay but there’s a lot of rural poverty out there. We had a neighbor who didn’t own a farm but had a small dumpy house that had a lot of poo poo strewn about. When I was a kid, I once went over to see if there were other kids that I could play with. As I got closer, three emaciated children walked out and their clothes were dirty and stared at me from their driveway. As I started to cross into the property, the father came out of nowhere and started yelling at me to leave. I ran away and was never so scared. I told my father who was furious and confronted the man. I don’t remember what happened specifically except I was told to never go back there. quote:I coach my girlfriend's softball team over the summer and have for the past 3 years. My girlfriend is very straight-laced and vanilla in bed, but I think I love her and plan to probably marry her.
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Aug 16, 2016 06:28
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quote:I'm 99% sure I'm the most "real world" famous goon. quote:I work for the Donald Trump Presidential Campaign. Don't judge - I'm an expert in marketing and have worked closely with the Republican Party before this. I hate Trump, but holy poo poo the money is so good, and I'll never ever list this on my resume.
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Aug 16, 2016 06:30
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first goon (e: in the first post HH made directly above mine), while it's normal to feel the way you do about it you were just a child and didn't really know any better. you did what you knew was right to do (tell a trusted authority figure, your parents) and they gave you lovely advice. being a kid, you followed it because again, you didn't know any better. that kid's death is not your fault, and while i know this post likely won't make you feel any better please try to understand/remember that
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Aug 16, 2016 06:32
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Wtf man its been like 2 weeks. Where is my confession?!
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Aug 16, 2016 06:37
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Hey Hollywood goon. Congrats on doing well career wise and I'd love to chat about pro wrestling with you.
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Aug 16, 2016 06:37
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Famous Goon: ARE YOU KANE??????!!!
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Aug 16, 2016 06:40
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barnyard goon since you're an adult now perhaps talk about what happened with your parents for some sort of explanation or closure, i'm sure they won't avoid the topic now that their son is 30+ years old and probably also Kane
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Aug 16, 2016 07:18
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isn't it known john malkovich has an account?
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Aug 16, 2016 07:22
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Jastiger posted:Wtf man its been like 2 weeks. Where is my confession?! I posted most confessions that made sense, so if you never saw your confession something went wrong with Guerillamail itself when you sent it. The only thing I can tell you is to wait a few days and send it again.
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Aug 16, 2016 07:47
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i enjoy how mad people get when jastiger posts about iowa
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Aug 16, 2016 07:58
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That Trump one just sounds like anti-trump fanfiction. I'm pretty sure anyone working at that level of politics wouldn't hide it on their resume, and he seems to alternate between only seeing Trump occasionally (a dozen times over the course of a campaign doesn't seem like a whole lot) to knowing all the personal details that would surely be highly guarded, like needing to wear diapers. These fake confession writers need to learn when to exercise some restraint.
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Aug 16, 2016 08:03
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Donald Trump would never be ashamed of making GBS threads his pants. Dear Softball Softcore- Courtney is two things: Number one, absolutely real, and number two, the girl of your dreams. The next time you gently caress her, take pictures, and leave your girlfriend a copy saying "Wish You Were Here." If she's down, she's down.
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Aug 16, 2016 08:11
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H.H posted:I posted most confessions that made sense, so if you never saw your confession something went wrong with Guerillamail itself when you sent it. Don't be so quick to blame guerillamail.
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Aug 16, 2016 08:23
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Murphy Brownback posted:That Trump one just sounds like anti-trump fanfiction. I'm pretty sure anyone working at that level of politics wouldn't hide it on their resume, and he seems to alternate between only seeing Trump occasionally (a dozen times over the course of a campaign doesn't seem like a whole lot) to knowing all the personal details that would surely be highly guarded, like needing to wear diapers. considering how disastrous it all is it would almost certainly look bad on a cv. its still fake though
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Aug 16, 2016 08:30
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Jose posted:considering how disastrous it all is it would almost certainly look bad on a cv. its still fake though I would think "was hired to work on a failed presidential campaign" is still better to have on your record than "did nothing for a year". Plus if he was trying for another political job with the GOP they would be aware of his work with trump anyway.
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Aug 16, 2016 08:49
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porn guy don't delete it because you'll do it thinking "oh great, now I have to get out there and get laid and now i'll be super productive" but you wont because like me you're probably super ugly and then you'll just have to spend hours building your collection back up and getting annoyed because you cant crank one out hth
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Aug 16, 2016 11:30
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