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Bunk Rogers posted:Twisted Monk makes good ropes if it's something you want to get semi serious about. In DC the rope scene is pretty large and it's a decent gateway to making kinky friends. Enjoying the same sex moves, an important foundation for any lasting friendship
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Jul 27, 2016 22:23
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Thanks for the Bear Things recommendation. I ordered a ton of stuff. Hopefully it's all good! Now to figure out a way to actually tie her down to the bed. I could just use rope, but I'm thinking about using some light-duty tie down straps...
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Jul 29, 2016 15:58
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So, any tips on lasting longer during sex (male)? It's starting to really frustrate my girlfriend (and has been frustrating me for a while) We spend a good long while on foreplay, but when we actually start having sex I can't last more than a few pumps before feeling like I'm gonna cum
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Jul 31, 2016 08:54
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Can you get it up again after?
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Jul 31, 2016 09:14
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Yeah, usually after a half hour though, and by then the mood is gone
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Jul 31, 2016 09:24
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It's part of your problem that the mood is gone like that. What happens after you come? It seems like you could easily spend half an hour doing other fun stuff that doesn't require a boner and that would probably make her happier too.
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Jul 31, 2016 09:51
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i like nice words
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X13Fen posted:Yeah, usually after a half hour though, and by then the mood is gone I'm sure you two can figure out what to do for half an hour and not lose the mood?
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Jul 31, 2016 09:52
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Anne Whateley posted:It's part of your problem that the mood is gone like that. What happens after you come? It seems like you could easily spend half an hour doing other fun stuff that doesn't require a boner and that would probably make her happier too. Eeeeeeexactly. Get in there with your tongue, fingers, toys if you have any. Satisfy your lady, damnit. You don't need a dick to do that. Put some effort in. As for lasting longer, perhaps try cowgirl, more grindy motions than thrusty motions, and rub her clitoris with your fingers at the same time. Remember that, for women, the penis is anatomically equivalent to the clitoris, not the vagina (they develop out of the same predecessor organs as a fetus develops). It's all about the clit - that's where maximum sensation is. Movements which stimulate the clitoris don't necessarily stimulate the penis (eg grinding). And, working backwards from the typical "help I can't come" problems where the cause is wanking too much and gripping too tightly - maybe try wanking more, and using a firmer grip, to desensitise yourself? Also, are you using condoms? Try that, they do dampen sensitivity.
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Jul 31, 2016 10:01
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Often you can just have your penis inside her while running your hand over her clit/kissing her nipples. Then thrust some until you feel you have to stop or come and do that again. I dunno. Sex is fun I'm sure you'll figure it out.
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Jul 31, 2016 10:13
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X13Fen posted:So, any tips on lasting longer during sex (male)? It's starting to really frustrate my girlfriend (and has been frustrating me for a while) Spending a good long while on foreplay could be the problem. Try spending less on that and more on sex.
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Jul 31, 2016 11:02
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X13Fen posted:Yeah, usually after a half hour though, and by then the mood is gone Try jerking off before sex, or have her make you cum early during foreplay. The second round in your chamber shouldn't be so trigger happy. Don't stop having sex after you cum, though, especially if it was early. Use toys, your mouth, fingerbang the poo poo out of her, do whatever to make sure she climaxes twice. That should take care of her frustrations while you're learning how to pace yourself.
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Jul 31, 2016 18:47
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X13Fen posted:So, any tips on lasting longer during sex (male)? It's starting to really frustrate my girlfriend (and has been frustrating me for a while) Have her give you a blowjob, and then come in her mouth, on her or clean it up if you have to. Show her how how you thought it was by going down on her. During this time you should be touching her everywhere to help you get it up again for penetration. I guaranty you will last long enough that you can hopefully make her come, after which you are off the hook, doesn't matter whether you last that long or not. If you can, come while she is for extra hotness. I promise you this works.
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Jul 31, 2016 19:02
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X13Fen posted:So, any tips on lasting longer during sex (male)? It's starting to really frustrate my girlfriend (and has been frustrating me for a while) I hear you bro, it might in fact be the worst.  Whats the go on how to masturbate in order to last longer, just masturbate more and try and last longer each time? Somewhere in my adolescence I don't think I got the memo.
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Jul 31, 2016 19:47
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Edging is a thing. Practice by yourself. You know the PC muscles everybody tells you to flex? Kegels? If you can get really conscious of those muscles you can relax them when you're about to bust and it'll calm things down.
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Jul 31, 2016 19:54
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20 mg of Paxil. YMMV.
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Jul 31, 2016 21:10
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Cat Army
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Does anyone have a solid set of recommendations? Tt would help to have a good idea of what's good and what's bad. Thanks, thread.
FAUXTON fucked around with this message at 05:01 on Aug 17, 2016 |
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Aug 3, 2016 08:01
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FAUXTON posted:Does anyone have a solid set of recommendations for butt stuff toys? His, hers, his+hers, solo are all on the table but it would help to have a good idea of what's good and what's bad. Thanks, thread. I don't really have any special recommendation or brand, but I do have an anti-recommendation for all those stupid multi-sized "training kits" for butt plugs. Most people can use a normal-sized one after relaxing and some warmup, so if you want to try a plug but want a stepping stone, get a small vibrator or a prostate toy instead. edit: I do actually have a recommendation for JO brand lube, I've found it's thicker than most and needs less re-application during your anal escapades. hoobajoo fucked around with this message at 08:39 on Aug 3, 2016 |
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Aug 3, 2016 08:36
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hoobajoo posted:if you want to try a plug but want a stepping stone, get a small vibrator or a prostate toy instead. Noooo do not do that part in bold, unless it is specially designed for butts! If it doesn't have a flared base, you will eventually lose it up there and end up at the hospital to get it out!
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Aug 3, 2016 09:14
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Hyperlynx posted:Noooo do not do that part in bold, unless it is specially designed for butts! If it doesn't have a flared base, you will eventually lose it up there and end up at the hospital to get it out! Of course, a small butt vibrator. Sorry, should not have taken that for granted.
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Aug 3, 2016 18:00
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Do not put anything up your butt that is not bigger at one end. And don't put the big end up your butt.
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Aug 3, 2016 22:46
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Here's an annoying situation. I have HPV and have generally been avoiding dating and life in general, but I was out with friends at a bar on Saturday and a girl approached me out of the blue. Turns out we had a great time chatting and as she left she handed me her number and told me to call her. We went out yesterday for drinks and, again, it was great and I'm really into her and she wants to keep hanging out, but she's leaving for a week. I don't want to string her along for that week, we're probably going to be texting a fair bit, just for her to come back and want to start hooking up and for me to have to blurt heybythewayIhaveHPV, but it feels too early to really lay that on her after like four days and one date. I'm kind of at a loss if I should just get it over with and tell her or wait until I know her better. I personally didn't get to make that choice with the girl who gave it to me.
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Aug 3, 2016 23:41
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If you're a guy, it must be genital warts, right? There's no test for the cancer-causing type in men. I would be clear about what it is. I think it's fine to not tell her over the week while you're texting casually, but of course definitely before you sleep with her, I would say in person during the date you think might end that way. I wouldn't do it as like a big shameful disclosure -- you can ask if she got the vaccine yet, because . . . There's a good chance she's gotten the vaccine, which makes this a lot less stressful. No vaccine protects against all strains of HPV, but the latest vaccine protects against the strains that cause 90% of genital warts. Anne Whateley fucked around with this message at 23:51 on Aug 3, 2016 |
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Aug 3, 2016 23:48
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Posting this here because I'm really not sure where else to post it (but if you feel there's a better thread/subforum to post this in please just let me know). I've been with my current SO for over a year now. In addition to things being great between us personally, things used to be fantastic sexually as well. About 6 months ago we moved into an apartment together. We did this acknowledging that it's probably a little quicker than we normally would have made such a decision in a relationship, but at the same time it felt 'right', and we agreed would be quite mature and respectful and understanding that this may change the dynamic between us so we need to be upfront and open in our communication to address any issues that may arise. Since then, personally between us things have gotten even better and I have found myself really loving the dynamic between us in our home, however I noticed that on the sexual side things completely dried up. She has gradually become more and more closed-off sexually, never initiating, and often rejecting my advances to initiate sex. That in itself isn't too big of an issue, however it became very upsetting because she will often 'talk up' sex via messages etc ("I can't wait to get home and gently caress you tonight" messages while she's at work etc), however that very rarely ever comes to fruitition, and if it does, it's often in a very un-organic way. It's getting to the point where these messages I almost see as her 'setting an appointment' for sex in her head, however nothing will actually eventuate unless I 'remind' her of that appointment (IE: "Hey you know how all day long you were telling me you can't wait to gently caress me this evening after work? Well... it's 10pm and you've just sat on the couch since then? That's really confusing the hell out of me"). This has basically become the normal pattern of behaviour now. All kinds of forward messages during the day, backed up with absolutely no follow-through. Last night it really got the better of me, and I basically asked her point-blank what's wrong. Is it me? Is it something I'm doing that is unappealing to her and therefore making her not want to approach me sexually anymore? What's changed? A year ago, she couldn't keep her hands off me, however now that we're living together I basically have to beg for sex, which makes me feel absolutely ridiculous and makes it feel like the act of sex is burdensome. She broke down and assured me it's nothing to do with me, but that she was raped 6 years ago at a party and thinks that is really playing on her mind now for some reason when it comes to intimacy. She said in her brain, all of the messages she sends me is what she consciously really wants, however when it comes to the actual physical act it can sometimes feel so uncomfortable to be touched sexually that she just doesn't feel like initiating it anymore. Obviously this made me feel like an rear end in a top hat (even though I wasn't aware of this), however putting that aside for a minute I'm really not sure what the best 'being a good partner' move is that I can make now? I feel absolutely awful for her, and want her to get the help that she needs because it sounded like that it's also really affecting her self esteem and outlook which is heartbreaking to me because she is such a wonderful person. Does anyone have any advice for how to proceed from here? Last night once our conversation was over, she said she saw a therapist about it a year ago who said that a good first-step to 'recovery' from something like this is to write down the sequence of events that happened that night, no matter how confronting they are. She said she was too scared to do that as it's (obviously) quite traumatic to do that, however reached out to me for support so that she felt strong enough to do it. After we spoke, she sat down and wrote everything out (I told her I wouldn't be reading over her shoulder, but just sat next to her and comforted her). It was obviously an incredibly difficult thing for her to do, but I'm very proud of her for doing it. I also don't know what kind of expectations I should have for our relationship moving forward. I'm feeling extremely sexually dissatisfied since this initial pattern of behaviour began, however after last night's conversation I obviously can completely understand the underlying cause and really want to help her address the trauma so that she can feel healthier in her life (and in our relationship). Does anyone have any suggestions as to what to do from here? I honestly thought that the therapist's sole piece of advice to just 'write it down' didn't seem particularly well thought out, and she said that her therapist wasn't exactly a specialist in the areas of sexual abuse but simply someone who she saw previously for help with anxiety and depression. I'm basically lost, so if anyone can point me towards any advice, links to good online resources, or has any specific suggestions with different types of counsellors I would be super appreciative. I live in Australia, for what it's worth.
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Aug 8, 2016 01:53
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Love her regardless, listen if she wants to talk, be encouraging, and perhaps a gentle push towards theraputic help if that would benefit her. Talking helps as it can prevent stasis in dealing with issues, but sadbrains can take a lot of time to work through. You might not get sex for a while until she's feeling more able and you should be prepared for that. If you push for sex it may make her feel worse and that you are less concerned with her as a person than as a gently caress toy. Assuming you're willing to do all of that, of course, you can always leave though you'll be a bit of an rear end in a top hat if you do.
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Aug 8, 2016 02:35
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Maybe try contacting https://www.1800respect.org.au/about/ and ask them for advice? It looks like they have advice for partners, friends and family as well as victims. There's also a Medicare scheme that can give rebates for sessions with psychologists, though she'd need a diagnosis and referral from her GP. http://www.health.gov.au/internet/main/publishing.nsf/content/mental-ba-fact-pat . I'm not sure if she'd qualify though Also, from a sex point of view, maybe gently see if she'd like to participate in sexy-type activities other than vaginal penetration. Maybe even just masturbating together. Taking the pressure off her, while still being fun and sexy and satisfying. Hyperlynx fucked around with this message at 02:48 on Aug 8, 2016 |
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Aug 8, 2016 02:44
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I think couples counseling would be a good idea. She can also do trauma stuff on the side, but I think it would be good for both of you to talk about what's going on and how it's working (or not working).
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Aug 8, 2016 02:59
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Hyperlynx posted:Maybe try contacting https://www.1800respect.org.au/about/ and ask them for advice? It looks like they have advice for partners, friends and family as well as victims. 1800-RESPECT is a good start. She definitely would qualify for the MHCP (GP referral to a psychologist). You'd probably be able to get one too, if you felt that speaking to a psych would help you understand how to support her etc. CASA might be another organisation that could be useful for her to reach out to if she's in Victoria (I believe other states have similar services). Even if she's not in VIC, they have some good information/resources on their site. If she happens to be a uni student, most universities have free counselling services. (I'm a psych in VIC who does do a reasonable amount of trauma work, but I don't work in a publically-accessible service. Open to PMs if you have questions.) EDIT: A sexologist might be another professional worth consulting, whether together or for her solo. UrbanLabyrinth fucked around with this message at 03:09 on Aug 8, 2016 |
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Aug 8, 2016 03:04
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UrbanLabyrinth posted:1800-RESPECT is a good start. She definitely would qualify for the MHCP (GP referral to a psychologist). You'd probably be able to get one too, if you felt that speaking to a psych would help you understand how to support her etc. Thankyou for all of this information (and the others above you that replied). I contacted 1800-RESPECT on her behalf to confirm that they would be able to assist (as I was on a break from work and she's usually very busy) but they suggested that she should be the one to contact them, so I'll pass that onto her today after work. I've never heard of a sexologist but that makes sense to approach someone like that as well perhaps. I'll look into QLD-based ones, but if you have any specific recommendations I'm all ears.
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Aug 8, 2016 03:53
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In the meantime, seconding mutual masturbation. Let her keep sending those sexts if she's comfortable with it. Discuss how you two can explore her sexual desire in non-penetrative ways whether that's you getting off first so she can relax, or getting off in different rooms and texting/video chatting each other, or maybe she just wants to let you jerk it while she watches TV and that's ok. Do make it a point that your needs should still be met - if she absolutely can not meet them at this time, that's a conversation you should not be putting off until you're both too frustrated to deal with it as rational adults. It sounds like you're doing really well by her so far, though, so I hope you two can come to a mutually agreeable compromise that will get her the help she needs and get you the release.
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Aug 8, 2016 04:29
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Cathab - Keep your head up, continue to be supportive, and be patient. My husband (30yo) was verbally, physically and sexually abused for many years as a child & pre-teen. He has a history of acting out inappropriately with sex with others, likely as one of many unhealthy coping mechanisms. He was recently diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder & Anxiety after having a week-long mental health commitment due to suicidal ideations. He never had any prior therapy, counseling, etc.. This week he's actually finishing up his 6-week nightly Intensive Outpatient Group Therapy, and is transitioning into one-on-one therapy. A HUGE success for him. As bad as his past was, and as emotional of a roller coaster this has been for me, I know that my support is what he needs right now. His doctors at the hospital, his LPC in his IOP group, and his new therapist have all expressed to me how highly he values me & our relationship, and how important it is for me to continue being there for him, (which I have every intention of doing). Heck, I was even at the hospital every lunch and dinner visiting times the entire time he was hospitalized. Like others have said, I would highly recommend you see a professional therapist yourself. You'll undoubtably go through quite a bit yourself as she herself heals. You need to keep yourself healthy as well for both of you.
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Aug 9, 2016 01:23
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Get her to talk to a therapist, you can try to ride it along and "help" her yourself, but it's either going to go very slowly or not well at all. Obviously I'm not saying be an insensitive prick, but she might not feel comfortable discussing the incident with you past "yeah this happened". Depending on her medical insurance they might cover a lot of the cost of visits, or if her medical insurance is lovely most psychologists (therapists) will work with you. Therapists are typically people that REALLY want to help people, so it's extremely common practice (to a point it's encouraged and basically an un-written rule) to have a couple patients that are paying a very minimum amount out of pocket like $20-40 a session vs $100+ for sessions where insurance is paying. So, if money is an obstacle that's always something to think about. Also, seconding looking a resources that will help you understand how to help her and what you should/shouldn't do etc and that you might even want to see a therapist as well. If you see a therpaist, it doesn't have to be an every week thing, could be every 2 weeks or once a month, just to get the stuff off your chest that you're dealing with and help get some insight into everything.
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Aug 9, 2016 19:01
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The Medicare rebate is something like half the cost, too.
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Aug 12, 2016 01:35
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I'm looking at getting a vibrator or dildo (not really sure what the pros and cons of either option are) for my girlfriend. She's never used a toy before and she was a virgin before I met her, though we've been sexually active together for two years. What are some good options for a "beginner" sex toy for her? I did some basic research online, but there's too much out there and much of it seems to be literal advertising. It was too overwhelming.
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Aug 15, 2016 13:07
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Killer Queen posted:I'm looking at getting a vibrator or dildo (not really sure what the pros and cons of either option are) for my girlfriend. She's never used a toy before and she was a virgin before I met her, though we've been sexually active together for two years. What are some good options for a "beginner" sex toy for her? On this note, I want to get a Hitachi Magic Wand and have been somewhat overwhelmed by the range of options available. Is there a thread consensus on the "best" version? Also, goon who ordered from Bear Things, have you received your items yet? And if so, how is the quality?
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Aug 15, 2016 13:18
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Killer Queen posted:I'm looking at getting a vibrator or dildo (not really sure what the pros and cons of either option are) for my girlfriend. She's never used a toy before and she was a virgin before I met her, though we've been sexually active together for two years. What are some good options for a "beginner" sex toy for her? I was in a similar situation, although we hadn't been together as long. I read a recommendation for the We-Vibe Tango in this thread, and it was such a great purchase. It's just a straightforward bullet/mini vibe but everything about it is great. Definitely a good starting point.
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Aug 15, 2016 13:30
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Mimetic posted:I was in a similar situation, although we hadn't been together as long. I read a recommendation for the We-Vibe Tango in this thread, and it was such a great purchase. It's just a straightforward bullet/mini vibe but everything about it is great. Definitely a good starting point. To add to this, the We-Vibe 4 Plus is a very good start if you're not terribly concerned about cost. They said you can leave it in while the two of you go at it, but in my experience that's really dependent on size/fit so be ready to use some extra lube if you go that route.
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Aug 15, 2016 13:37
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Sorry I'm so embarrassed about this, but I mostly want to share this to plunge for ideas -- SO both of my partners are into opposing forms of petplay, one is really into being treated like a puppy and is into hardcore humiliation besides, the other is really into being treated like a kitten and is into being pampered and stuff. The thing is, their relationship together is almost wholly defined by this. They rapidly oscillate between sort of being okay with each other and being REALLY not okay with each other, which can make things complex in our iso-triad. Recently during a little bit of experimentation, okay, stay with me, the cat figured out that it's fun - not hot, but fun - to top the dog in a very sort of traditional fashion, playing with the ball, throwing the rope or bone, that sort of thing. But I'm worried - since cat-partner and myself are white and dog-partner is black - about the racial overtones that might be present here. How can I sorta encourage this... fun? without facilitating a racially oppressive environment for the puppy? Thanks everybody!!
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Aug 16, 2016 02:34
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Source your quote.
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Aug 16, 2016 03:02
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Please shut the gently caress up about your kink
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Aug 16, 2016 06:13
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Aug 16, 2016 06:23
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Yes, it's like a lava lamp.