Idiots on Social Media: you have been infected by the Russia-Pizza Mind Virus

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > Idiots on Social Media: you have been infected by the Russia-Pizza Mind Virus

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Pretty good: Apr 16, 2007

puck puck goose posted:

Title: Also the sex change operation causes more issues than it solves

I am not a gender. I am a free person.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 05:11

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# ? May 26, 2024 22:55

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Twerkteam Pizza posted:

Are you talking about the bearenstein boars?

Surely you mean the Boersteen Bares.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 05:12

Twerkteam Pizza: Sep 26, 2015; Grimey Drawer

Do you guys eat Mac and Cheese for breakfast in this universe?

# ? Aug 23, 2016 05:13

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Twerkteam Pizza posted:

Do you guys eat Mac and Cheese for breakfast in this universe?

Everything is breakfast if you believe.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 05:17

WrenP-Complete: Jul 27, 2012

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Everything is breakfast if you believe.

Clap if you believe in breakfast!

# ? Aug 23, 2016 05:29

Ularg: Mar 2, 2010; Just tell me I'm exotic.

Small Frozen Thing posted:

A thought experiment: You are purchasing underwear at a store, and go to the register, and it's that guy behind the counter

How much did you shudder involuntarily upon imagining that

He seems like the type to go "Is this a gift or for personal use :smuggo:

# ? Aug 23, 2016 05:30

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

WrenP-Complete posted:

Clap if you believe in breakfast!

Thanks, now I have mac and cheese all over my pants. :mad:

# ? Aug 23, 2016 05:43

WrenP-Complete: Jul 27, 2012

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Thanks, now I have mac and cheese all over my pants.

No biggy, friend.
Go to the bathroom, look into the mirror, and go through to a different way.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 05:45

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

WrenP-Complete posted:

No biggy, friend.
Go to the bathroom, look into the mirror, and go through to a different way.

But who'll be my mirror? :smith:

# ? Aug 23, 2016 05:45

WrenP-Complete: Jul 27, 2012

Absurd Alhazred posted:

But who'll be my mirror?

If you wanna be my mirror, you gotta get with my lens.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 05:52

Twerkteam Pizza: Sep 26, 2015; Grimey Drawer

GODDAMNIT I LOOKED IN A MIRROR AND NOW I HAVE FOOD ALL OVER MY CLOTHES

IS THIS HOME UNIVERSE YET. WHO ARE YOU FUCKERS.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 05:53

Twerkteam Pizza: Sep 26, 2015; Grimey Drawer

WrenP-Complete posted:

If you wanna be my mirror, you gotta get with my lens.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 05:53

Gross Dude: Feb 5, 2007; Gross Dude

Oh man, is this the universe where mods help in derailing threads? I hate this one.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 05:54

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Gross Dude posted:

Oh man, is this the universe where mods help in derailing threads? I hate this one.

Sorry.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 05:55

Lottery of Babylon: Apr 25, 2012; STRAIGHT TROPIN'

Gross Dude posted:

Oh man, is this the universe where mods help in derailing threads? I hate this one.

Obvious fact that is often overlooked: No women wants your respect. They love bitterness and contempt. Here's a venn diagram to illustrate

# ? Aug 23, 2016 06:05

Ularg: Mar 2, 2010; Just tell me I'm exotic.

Yup, still wrong universe.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 06:06

Lottery of Babylon: Apr 25, 2012; STRAIGHT TROPIN'

Everyone articulates themselves well here , while TRP ...

Has too many curse words (a few and the point is highlighted , a bunch and it sounds frat speak to me) ,a lot of arguing , put downs , placing female contact and men who get it on a pedestal

.... Women don't make men better

The guys who write a post that show evidence of getting women and having advice for it later in the same post show blatant insecurity and only are able to write at the 11th or 12 grade level

How is gaming chicks getting over? You're taking on their energy every conversation and their essence every sexual act , even some thoughts of her can do that ....

Water finds its own level I suppose

# ? Aug 23, 2016 06:09

CAROL: Oct 29, 2009; by Fluffdaddy

Lottery of Babylon posted:

Obvious fact that is often overlooked: No women wants your respect. They love bitterness and contempt. Here's a venn diagram to illustrate

I want Luigi as well

# ? Aug 23, 2016 06:20

Twerkteam Pizza: Sep 26, 2015; Grimey Drawer

eightpole posted:

I want Luigi as well

# ? Aug 23, 2016 06:24

WrenP-Complete: Jul 27, 2012

eightpole posted:

I want Luigi as well

I would like the means of production. TIA

# ? Aug 23, 2016 06:24

Twerkteam Pizza: Sep 26, 2015; Grimey Drawer

Lottery of Babylon posted:

Obvious fact that is often overlooked: No women wants your respect. They love bitterness and contempt. Here's a venn diagram to illustrate

also it's hosed that a lot of those things are reasonable. Like wage equality and representation.

Where'd you find this LoB?

# ? Aug 23, 2016 06:25

dijon du jour: Mar 27, 2013; _{I'm shy}

eightpole posted:

I want Luigi as well

I'm also a huge fan of Luigi, fire pits, and spanking. Then again I am Bowser in a slash fic.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 06:27

sex shop clearance rack: Jan 20, 2011

I am most confused by "hip-hop on Broadway."

This would be less irritating if the person posting it actually knew who the father of her future child is.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 06:40

I Killed GBS: Jun 2, 2011; by Lowtax

ACTION AMERICAN posted:

I am most confused by "hip-hop on Broadway."

This would be less irritating if the person posting it actually knew who the father of her future child is.

That's sad. Sounds like wish-fulfillment in that case.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 07:03

Shbobdb: Dec 16, 2010; by Reene

https://www.facebook.com/VikingArmament/videos/1091962044224927/

I'm not sure if this is the best thing on the internet or IOSM.

As with all things in life, I'll let the goons decide.

Inshallah.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 07:12

Munchables: Feb 8, 2015; Ask/tell me about legal cannibalism

What if we're all the same goon inside of a mobius strip mirror?

Also, clap clap clappity clap.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 07:19

Shbobdb: Dec 16, 2010; by Reene

Munchables posted:

What if we're all the same goon inside of a mobius strip mirror?

Also, clap clap clappity clap.

Given how many people ignore me, the polite thing to do would be to quote me so they too can bask in this glory.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 07:24

Lottery of Babylon: Apr 25, 2012; STRAIGHT TROPIN'

Munchables posted:

What if we're all the same goon inside of a mobius strip mirror?

Also, clap clap clappity clap.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 07:29

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

Shouldn't have played WOW all night when she turned into a duck.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 07:31

Lottery of Babylon: Apr 25, 2012; STRAIGHT TROPIN'

Picnic Princess posted:

About a year ago there was some minor internet drama caused by a Facebook group, stating a simple belief - "No hymen, no diamond". Jezebel, Huffington Post, and scores of uptight feminists were absolutely aghast by the page, and sooner than later, it was shut down. The Facebook goons simply directed their hate at another page (run by a woman, bless her soul). It seems that women, really, REALLY hate it when you bring up their sexual past.

And it only shows how emasculated we've grown as men.

Men are not, never have been, and never will be, attracted emotionally to sluts. We may want to gently caress them a couple of times, but in terms of love, it feels like she lost a sexual game of musical chairs, and couldn't find any more dicks to land on. Biologically, it makes sense - a man who loves promiscuous women leaves himself wide open to cuckoldry, becoming an absolute failure genetically. No wonder why we have an instinctive disgust towards them. Even disregarding cuckoldry, scientific studies have shown that marriages with less promiscuous partners are stabler and happier. We are completely right to worry turning a hoe into a housewife will backfire on us. Women do not understand this because they are turned on by "players". The slut vs stud double standard would disappear if women stopped loving studs.

We hate thinking that our love, the one we spend our time and resources into, was loving around with all sorts of scumbag douchebros while we were studying our rear end off for the next big test. But in the year of our lord 2016, we are not allowed to have preferences anymore. We NEED to put a wedding ring around Chad's used goods. We NEED to love the strong, independent, non-submissive woman. We NEED to think big is beautiful. Meanwhile, women go hogwild with the highest of standards to enter their pussy. Not 6'2''? PASS! Make 30,000 a year? PUH-LEEZE! Lack an extreme amount of confidence? KILL YOURSELF! Women will always wail about the shy, awkward nerd who thinks he is "entitled" to sex...but then immediately show they think they're entitled to a relationship.

Its just yet another double standard in our Gynocracy. A woman with a hundred standards is empowered. A man with even one is a misogynist.

Ironically, while bitching about the strict gender role of maintaining their hymen (metaphorically. We get it, hymens can break on their own, feminists. We already heard you the first 42 times, so you can shut up now), there is absolutely no complaints about the gender role of giving the diamond. Y'know, the piece of carbon dug by poor/enslaved Africans marked up the rear end for romantic suckers? Nor are there complaints about showering the bride-to-be with a $30,000 wedding. Isn't it unfair that such an expensive, romantic gift is almost never given to the husband? Do you even love him? If we want to be modern and progressive, I think we should abolish both the demand for chastity and the demand for an expensive wedding!

...Said no woman ever. What? She needs something to post onto Instagram. The only way you can show your love is take a financial facial. Women's gender roles have been expanding rapidly, while men's have been forced into a tighter box, as women now get to reward hypermasculine men without penalty. And you're still expected to wed her after Keith finds a more interesting set of tits.

In my opinion, if women want to be treated like a princess on their wedding day, they should act like a princess. And the princess shouldn't be loving the farmboy, the knight, the kitchen chef, and visiting sheikh. Women who manage to keep their virginity deserve diamonds and lavish weddings. Perhaps we should have a sliding scale. One partner? Rubies and a hotel getaway. Two? Cubic ziconia and a farmhouse wedding. Three? Quartz and a Las Vegas courthouse.

If I'd ever marry (only after severe changes in divorce law), I'd want a woman as close to a virgin as possible. WHAT'S THE loving PROBLEM WITH THAT YOU DUMB CUNTS!? The intense shaming that attacks men's basic attractions just proves that Western women of this generation are unmarriageable. They'd rather call you a fat, bigoted neckbeard than acknowledge the truth we knew since Biblical times. I wouldn't want such a creature shining my shoes, let alone sleeping beside me every night.

So remember:

NoHymenNoDiamond

PoppedCherryWontMarry

GentialHerpesNopePlease

IfAWhoreWeddingNoMore

EvenWithHymenThouDONTGETMARRIED

i don't plan on inspecting her pussy, i plan on inspecting her anus.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 07:43

Byzantine: Sep 1, 2007

Hymen was the Greek God of Marriage. At marriage ceremonies, people would sing specific songs to draw the god's attention and ask for his blessing. In time, these songs took the name of the god, and today we call them "hymns".

# ? Aug 23, 2016 08:47

Serperoth: Feb 21, 2013

Lottery of Babylon posted:

Obvious fact that is often overlooked: No women wants your respect. They love bitterness and contempt. Here's a venn diagram to illustrate

Goddam garbage-whores, where do they get off? What's all this bullshit they want? Travel? Wage equality? Great Friends? loving WINE and BRUNCH? Truly the most decadent sluts since the fall of Rome!

ACTION AMERICAN posted:

I am most confused by "hip-hop on Broadway."

Might be about Hamilton? What with its :frogsiren:

MINORITIES :frogsiren:

and whatnot.

One thing that bugs me in the other picture LoB posted is how apparently the woman gets everything. Despite being a known adulterer, and men getting custody more often than not when they do try for it. Also, the dude just agrees to spending his life and having kids with someone out of no volition of his own. For some reason.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 09:08

Crocoswine: Aug 20, 2010

Serperoth posted:

One thing that bugs me in the other picture LoB posted is how apparently the woman gets everything. Despite being a known adulterer, and men getting custody more often than not when they do try for it

I mean, he obviously hates his kids, so why would he even try to get custody :v:

# ? Aug 23, 2016 09:34

Waterbed Wendy: Jan 29, 2009

I know it's been said time and time again but those guys who write these long screeds of what women actually want have clearly never spoken to a woman. It's incredible how they think women are a separate species than men. It's as though all they do is watch reality tv shows like Keeping up with the Kardashians or stand up comedy from a bygone age and use that as "experience with women". They don't understand the caricature.

I worked with a guy who 35, a hard worker and very very Christian and very very single. He was cheerful for the most part, and a hard worker so I genuinely enjoyed working with him. But then there were a couple of times where he let his bitterness get at him. For instance when I told him I was engaged he wanted to hear how my now husband had proposed, I obliged him with the story and showed him the ring which was a nice, affordable cubic zirconium gemstone. When I told him that he said that he was surprised I would settle for cubic zirconium. I told him that I thought it was what the ring symbolized, not the materials it was made of, was what made the ring valuable. Also, if my future husband spent "three months salary" or whatever the stupid rule is on a ring I would be disappointed because we could use that money for cool stuff like a vacation instead of some overpriced rock. Well, when I told coworker that he literally went "WOW! That's so surprising! Usually it's the total opposite with women!" He didn't even realize how insulting he was being, he just thought he was commending me on not being a materialistic bitch like all the others. Women can't be pragmatic because all they see is shiny things and want to collect them like magpies!

This was the first peak behind that cheerful disposition. He had built up a caricature of women in his head that came from years if being alone and not really understanding why. Fear of being alone does a lot of weird stuff to people.

Anyway, this was shared with me by my mom who has really leaned in hard to the Right ever since menopause. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say, but apparently taking her a face value was the wrong reaction.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 09:40

Pretty good: Apr 16, 2007

really_really_badly_broken_brain.png

# ? Aug 23, 2016 10:15

Jeff the Mediocre: Dec 30, 2013

Lottery of Babylon posted:

Obvious fact that is often overlooked: No women wants your respect. They love bitterness and contempt. Here's a venn diagram to illustrate

Huh, didn't know all women were secretly Muslim. This Man Going His Own Way cracked the case!

Also, who doesn't want a dozen felines? Besides allergic people/people who dont' want their home to smell horrible?

# ? Aug 23, 2016 11:50

MizPiz: May 29, 2013; by Athanatos

Lottery of Babylon posted:

Obvious fact that is often overlooked: No women wants your respect. They love bitterness and contempt. Here's a venn diagram to illustrate

Well, I figured out why "good father" annoyed me the most out of all the others: they legit see themselves as replacement dad's. Not even in a fetishistic way (or at least not that kind of fetish), they think they're the solution to women with daddy issues.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 12:13

Buzkashi: Feb 4, 2003; College Slice

Jeff the Mediocre posted:

Also, who doesn't want a dozen felines? Besides allergic people/people who dont' want their home to smell horrible?

Using "felines" instead of "cats" has the same autistic weirdo vibe as using "females" instead of "women"

# ? Aug 23, 2016 12:15

Fathis Munk: Feb 23, 2013; ??? ?

Lottery of Babylon posted:

Classic. I love how he just has to paste a black dude's face on the stickman because of course she has to cheat on him with a black guy. Of course. That gets me everytime.

# ? Aug 23, 2016 12:20

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# ? May 26, 2024 22:55

psutify: Oct 19, 2012

Lottery of Babylon posted:

Obvious fact that is often overlooked: No women wants your respect. They love bitterness and contempt. Here's a venn diagram to illustrate

Its interesting how wanting someone to be a "good father" is wedged in there between spanks and rape tribunals

sinking belle posted:

"Maybe its my OWN bitterness and contempt that made her leave me....Nah!"

psutify has a new favorite as of 12:34 on Aug 23, 2016

# ? Aug 23, 2016 12:21

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