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Carth Dookie posted:Or just outsource the job to someone else. Exactly, these video games aren't going to play themselves!
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# ? Aug 29, 2016 13:25 |
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# ? May 21, 2024 19:35 |
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Holy poo poo, dude. Definitely don't bring this up in you semi-annual performance evaluation.
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# ? Aug 29, 2016 14:21 |
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Mr. 47 posted:Holy poo poo, dude. Unless your results are a bit shaky and you need to sweeten the deal a bit
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# ? Aug 29, 2016 15:41 |
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Dont let your fetishes be wet dreams. Pry her with drink and suggest some pissy girly fun. Dont do this if you cant a find a new job sans reference.
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# ? Aug 29, 2016 16:56 |
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Baudolino posted:Dont let your fetishes be wet dreams. ftfy Seriously how many drinks would you need to ply her with before "hey know what'd be fun is if you peed on me and called me a bunch of nasty names" became a not-weird request I think even at blackout-drunk barely-conscious alcohol-poisoning level I'd still be like "uh no thanks, hey Google remind me to fire anon at 11:30 AM"
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# ? Aug 29, 2016 17:00 |
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loquacius posted:ftfy
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# ? Aug 29, 2016 17:52 |
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loquacius posted:ftfy Just obstruct the bathroom first.
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# ? Aug 29, 2016 18:09 |
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Oh hey, the bathroom line is so long.. Why don't you just piss on me instead.
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# ? Aug 29, 2016 18:27 |
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Brinty posted:Oh hey, the bathroom line is so long.. Why don't you just piss on me instead. Man, long lines are just the worst, aren't they? Don't they just make you so mad??? Why don't you talk at me like I'm the line. I bet you'd feel better then.
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# ? Aug 29, 2016 18:32 |
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boss help I will die of thirst in the next 10 seconds unless i get some liquid
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# ? Aug 29, 2016 18:35 |
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Just bringing my jellyfish to work today to show him off. Whoops I tripped haha aw butterfingers. Can a homie get some piss help around here?
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# ? Aug 29, 2016 18:44 |
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gigawhite posted:Just bringing my jellyfish to work today to show him off. Whoops I tripped haha aw butterfingers. Can a homie get some piss help around here? Oh, his name? It's "Pissbitch" actually, funny story haha. Go ahead and say hi to him if you want, you might have to yell pretty loud though since his hearing doesn't work so great on land.
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# ? Aug 29, 2016 19:01 |
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H.H posted:Pissbitch Girl Goon My anonymous confession is that this turns me on.
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# ? Aug 29, 2016 19:05 |
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3 page letter goon posted:Hi everyone, I'm the goon that wrote the three page love letter to who is now my current fiancee. For an update we're engaged (obviously) and plan to get married sometime late next year. I sorted out a lot of poo poo with my old friend (we're friends again), but he still isn't on good terms with her which puts a strain on everything. He's moved on and is living with his new girlfriend and they are moving along pretty quick, but I've never seen him more happy. I think all in all it worked out fantastically well for everyone involved. That's not much of an update, but I guess its good everything worked out. Didn't that dude punch you in the face or something though? Also post the damned letter so we can see it!
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# ? Aug 29, 2016 19:30 |
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Legend of Pissbitch II : Daughter of Pissbitch
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# ? Aug 29, 2016 20:28 |
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quote:I want to join a cult. When I read about things like the Jim Jones thing or see movies like the Sacrament about it, I always think how great it seemed up until the koolaid part. Just living off the land, not having to think about what to do and just living as a community not bothering with the government and regular society. If there were a cult where everyone was educated and not a bunch of poors like the Jim Jones cult I would join in a heartbeat, as long as I wouldn't have to pester family about it and ask them for money. I'd rather just sever all social ties entirely and begin a new life with a group of likeminded individuals. I mean, having the rest of my life planned out and being given a wife and a family, it would be so much simpler than trying to hunt for one. quote:I am fairly sure I am a sociopath.
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# ? Aug 29, 2016 20:39 |
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cultgoon you should totally mastermind some young charismatic person into some cult involving aliens and jesus in no way could that ever go wrong.
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# ? Aug 29, 2016 20:41 |
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catgoon you are a sociopath confirmed yes and also a jerk I had the same problem but the trick is you do the opposite and love the cats like crazy and eventually your gf will be the one to lock them out of the room cats own just lay em places and theyre warm and make good noises
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# ? Aug 29, 2016 20:52 |
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cult goon these things are sorta like what you're looking for but i wouldn't count on having a bunch of people with high levels of education https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cooperative
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# ? Aug 29, 2016 20:58 |
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Mortimer posted:catgoon you are a sociopath confirmed yes and also a jerk lol u hosed your cats i be lol gross hahah cat fucker
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# ? Aug 29, 2016 21:02 |
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Cult goon, it was Flavor Aid, please respect the integrity of Kool-Aid™ (truth be told, both Flavor Aid and Kool-Aid were present in Jonestown so nobody actually knows which was used.)
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# ? Aug 29, 2016 21:25 |
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Cultgoon: start a Lik-M-Aide cult
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# ? Aug 29, 2016 21:39 |
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Not one person bothered to taste test? Whatever happened to forensic curiosity?
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# ? Aug 29, 2016 21:58 |
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quote:I feel like this thread has awakened something deeply uncomfortable. Clearly what you need to do is have your fiancé dress up like a woman and pee on you. This way you get your 'pissed on by (what appears to be) a woman' itch scratched and your fiancé solves the mystery of why you don't want to gently caress anymore. Everyone gets what they want and there's no way it could possibly go wrong.
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# ? Aug 30, 2016 04:57 |
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Dr. Gitmo Moneyson posted:My anonymous confession is that this turns me on. In a shocker to all present, Dr. Gitmo likes pissing on people.
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# ? Aug 30, 2016 05:32 |
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I'm sure there's a cult out there for you, cult goon. Have you had your carpets cleaned lately?
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# ? Aug 30, 2016 05:50 |
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Sadly the purple drank cult was derailed when a guy walked in with OMG NO WAY SUNNY D?!??!!!
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# ? Aug 30, 2016 06:54 |
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quote:I'm a 30 year old male goon and I'm also a plastic surgery fan due to my crippling social phobias and fear of being ugly. quote:I hosed up. I went on a cross-country trip to see some friends and go to an event and I ended up very drunkenly making out with a female acquaintance in a very public manner and alienated some people there. My wife found out and my marriage is in jeopardy as well as losing a lot of friends over the deal. I totally betrayed my friends trust that i wouldn't do something like this and I totally did while at the same time being a cocky dickhead about it. He probably saved my marriage by stopping me from going over to her place and hooking up.
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# ? Aug 30, 2016 08:00 |
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Plastic surgery goon wouldn't it be better to spend the calf/buttocks/ab surgery money on a gym membership and a personal trainer instead? EDIT: As for the rest of the surgeries it's really your choice since it's your money. If your job is that good go get your own place to live and stop leeching off your parents though. RatHat fucked around with this message at 08:46 on Aug 30, 2016 |
# ? Aug 30, 2016 08:38 |
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Plastic surgery goon do you have very elaborate thoughts on the implications of a clash of cultures in Europe, coupled with a propensity to shoot over a hundred teenagers at a political summer camp?
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# ? Aug 30, 2016 08:41 |
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My local pub lashes on a set playlist loop and one of the songs is "Under the Boardwalk" and now, thanks to that one confession, I can't help but picture the backing singers naked with socks on their cocks. Thanks, dude.
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# ? Aug 30, 2016 08:55 |
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Drunk making out goon, it sounds like everyone in that story (except your wife) is way overblowing this. I mean, cutting off all contact with a friend just because they got drunk and did something stupid? There has to be more to it than you're telling us (i.e. you've done similar things every single other time you go out with them and this was just the last straw, or the girl you made out with was passed out/didn't want to be making out with you), because otherwise it doesn't make a lot of sense. Plastic surgery goon, if you're making that kind of money why in the hell would you still be living with your parents? Stop spending money on a fake rear end and buy a house. Also find a doctor/surgeon with ethics, they shouldn't be operating on a clearly mentally ill person no matter how much money you throw at them.
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# ? Aug 30, 2016 09:10 |
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Socks on Cocks was the most underrated Dr. Seuss book
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# ? Aug 30, 2016 09:28 |
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H.H posted:plastic surgery goon The most telling phrase in this confession was "I'm still pretty ugly." You're past fixing your weird face poo poo and on to making vanity additions to your body and still saying that. That phrase can mean one of two things: (a) you have lost all perspective on whether you are attractive and are basically treating plastic surgery like an anorexic treats dieting, or (b) you're right, you are still ugly, the plastic surgery isn't working, and you're making yourself into an uncanny-valley nightmare like plastic-surgery addicts always do. Either way you need to stop. Spend the money on a therapist.
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# ? Aug 30, 2016 12:23 |
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The way to happiness isn't spending tens of thousands of dollars on plastic surgery. Haven't you ever seen VH1? It's realizing and accepting that you are ugly and will always be ugly, yet being okay with that. If there were no ugly folks, beautiful people wouldn't be so remarkable. The idea of getting muscle implants and your insistence that "it'll all be worth it, my self-doubt will be quelled forever!" is so hilariously misguided I'm not sure what to say. Aside from, well, that's stupid and you're stupid for thinking that would be the result. Realistically the first time a woman turns you down (and an indeterminate amount of times after the first, assuredly) you will have an Elliot Rodger style meltdown about the "natural beauties" or whatever and how the world they live in is a fabrication. Hopefully you do this alone in your bathroom instead of shooting a bunch of people though. There is, however, a way to avoid this grim future. Work out, you loving lazy bitch rear end.
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# ? Aug 30, 2016 12:29 |
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Plastic surgery goon please post your nightmare face
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# ? Aug 30, 2016 12:42 |
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Those calf, butt and ab implants always look completely and utterly terrible
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# ? Aug 30, 2016 12:51 |
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Red Suit posted:Plastic surgery goon please post your nightmare face Ken or Bieber?
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# ? Aug 30, 2016 13:04 |
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A lot of fake confessions with oddly specific yearly earnings casually attached
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# ? Aug 30, 2016 13:06 |
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# ? May 21, 2024 19:35 |
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I think it's fine to get a ton of surgeries if you're mentally ill. Make that outside match that inside. Ain't hurting anybody but himself and his wallet. Still should though.
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# ? Aug 30, 2016 13:56 |