|
take a bunch of xanax, some viagra and hire a hooker. you'll lose your anxiety, virginity and life in one go as your heart gives out 
|
#
?
Sep 12, 2016 15:47
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 11, 2024 22:21 |
|
|
Speleothing posted:Sadbrains virgoon - try getting tested for compatibility with your drugs. Some people don't metabolize all drugs. Or just take a bunch of magic mushrooms
|
|
#
?
Sep 12, 2016 15:54
|
|
|
For real though I'd hang out with any goon, I don't care how weird or lame they are. Even Moridin. I'm a cool guy
|
|
#
?
Sep 12, 2016 16:02
|
|
|
Captain Yossarian posted:For real though I'd hang out with any goon, I don't care how weird or lame they are. Even Moridin. I'm a cool guy  But mainly because there are a lot of CFL goons that I have met, or just the randoms that go vacation at disney or universal, Always fun to see goons either be way worse than they are on the forums or suspiciously normal people .
|
|
#
?
Sep 12, 2016 17:15
|
|
|
Remember that people on this very forum repeatedly took Two Worlds out clubbing to try to get him a girlfriend, and spent HOURS basically life-coaching him to not be such a loving wierdo goon. They failed, of course, but the fact that so many people legitimately cared about possibly one of the craziest people I've ever seen on the internet means that no matter how much of a disgusting sadbrains goon you are, there's still hope. And look on the bright side, you probably don't have phimosis!
|
|
#
?
Sep 12, 2016 17:33
|
|
|
dear sad virgoons who believe they will remain incels for the rest of their lives: I was the geekiest motherfucker in my whole goddamn highschool. loving proto-nerd to the point that I taught myself binary by accident (it's a long story that involves reverse-engineering the VIC-20's custom character sets). At 17, in 1990, I was a nerd who listened to Testament, Pantera, Iron Maiden, Metallica, The Accused, Suicidal Tendencies, and motherfucking RUSH. And I had long hair. And I was 6' ,135 lbs, with virtually no musculature to speak of and I looked like a complete goofball. The geeks steered clear of me because I listened to "weird" music, and the metalheads steered clear of me because I was a geek. And I was in Air Cadets. I couldn't even talk to girls without completely spazzing out. I was certain I would never feel the touch of another human being. And then, a year later, I met the woman I'm still married to. Relax. Go out. Be social. It'll happen eventually.
|
|
#
?
Sep 12, 2016 17:40
|
|
|
I didnt read that whole thing but learnign binary seems like it would be a "short story" since theres only two numbers
|
|
#
?
Sep 12, 2016 17:41
|
|
|
Nostrum posted:And look on the bright side, you probably don't have phimosis! He had phimosis, too? Poor guy. Wasn't he Jewish? Wouldn't the foreskin issue be taken care of at the bris?
|
|
#
?
Sep 12, 2016 17:43
|
|
|
yeast guy: get tested for hiv, seriously. also i hate saying this, but just go the the ER. they wont have any clue whats going on but they can use secret doctor google for you and they love revolting rank assholes
|
|
#
?
Sep 12, 2016 18:12
|
|
|
Mr. 47 posted:He had phimosis, too? Poor guy. I'm the real goon here for even knowing this, but yes. Also, when he did finally lose his virginity to a severely overweight and mentally ill woman in a car, he described the scent of her vagina as "opening the tombs of the Pharaohs. WHOOOSH!!"
|
|
#
?
Sep 12, 2016 19:26
|
|
|
they gonna gossip about your revolting rank rear end in a top hat tho. if known goon elise the great is there, she may post about it here!
|
|
#
?
Sep 12, 2016 19:45
|
|
|
runupon cracker posted:dear sad virgoons who believe they will remain incels for the rest of their lives: See, I just ended up becoming more confident while keeping almost all of my nerdy pursuits. Now I make my fiancee listen to Rush while driving.
|
|
#
?
Sep 12, 2016 20:14
|
|
|
chitoryu12 posted:See, I just ended up becoming more confident while keeping almost all of my nerdy pursuits. Now I make my fiancee listen to Rush while driving. Oh yeah, I'm still the metalhead nerd. But nowadays I have buzzed hair and wear sweaters.
|
|
#
?
Sep 12, 2016 20:19
|
|
|
runupon cracker posted:Oh yeah, I'm still the metalhead nerd. But nowadays I have buzzed hair and wear sweaters. Pouser!
|
|
#
?
Sep 12, 2016 20:28
|
|
|
Nostrum posted:I'm the real goon here for even knowing this, but yes. Also, when he did finally lose his virginity to a severely overweight and mentally ill woman in a car, he described the scent of her vagina as "opening the tombs of the Pharaohs. WHOOOSH!!" Is this archived in a thread somewhere I need to see this Edit: oh, encyclopedia dramatica. poo poo. Well, time to whoosh into that particular pharaonic tomb and read about this guy.
|
|
#
?
Sep 12, 2016 21:39
|
|
|
I wish the helldump goldmine still existed. The thread there was a good one-stop shop for that crazy.
|
|
#
?
Sep 12, 2016 21:45
|
|
|
Ainsley McTree posted:I wish the helldump goldmine still existed. The thread there was a good one-stop shop for that crazy. if you have archives and don't mind all the images not working http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2919046
|
|
#
?
Sep 12, 2016 21:50
|
|
|
 the pic in that article
|
|
#
?
Sep 12, 2016 21:59
|
|
|
runupon cracker posted:dear sad virgoons who believe they will remain incels for the rest of their lives: If you hadn't said VIC-20 I would have guessed you were the kid who got arrested by FBI in my high school for "hacking" with a Commodore 64. Same bands, etc.
|
|
#
?
Sep 12, 2016 23:58
|
|
|
Profondo Rosso posted:
Was expecting a picture of Donald Trump
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2016 00:01
|
|
|
quote:I've been trying to be more social at work. I think I have mild autism/aspergers (but never had it officially checked out) so it's hard to meet people. Admittedly, I only have 1 or 2 real friends as an adult. So I've been trying small talk, etc etc etc. quote:I have no sense of humor. I have never found anything funny, ever, and only vaguely understand the concept. In an attempt to not look weird, whenever other people start laughing at something, I will also laugh, but I don't understand why they're doing it.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2016 03:00
|
|
|
I'm sorry to tell you this, but if you had 4 mike's hards in 3 hours you were not trashed, and if you shot in your pants after receiving a "lapped dance" you did not lose your virginity But those are still both progress so keep pluggin' away 
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2016 03:01
|
|
|
SneakyFrog posted:
drat i didnt know there were a bunch of goons in the canadian football league. if any of you drag your ballsack across everett golson's face on tv, ill buy you plat
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2016 03:08
|
|
|
I hosed a stripper in an alley by a dumpster once. But I used my weiner and it was inside her vagina. I think that confessor had the better idea.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2016 03:08
|
|
|
Solice Kirsk posted:I hosed a stripper in an alley by a dumpster once. But I used my weiner and it was inside her vagina. I think that confessor had the better idea. Sup, Brock.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2016 03:16
|
|
|
Sup.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2016 03:28
|
|
|
quote:I know goons post a lot of bullshit online, especially in these anonymous threads, but I honest to God lost my virginity to a stripper that night. She was giving me a lapped dance, I had a huge erection, and one thing led to another. Before you knew it, I had cum in my pants and wasn't a virgin any more. I think she noticed the wet spot, but I'm not sure. At my bachelor's party one of my cousins picked a fight with a guy twice his size and wound up bleeding enough to soak through a pillow and ruin a mattress and my brother almost drove a jeep off a cliff while a blind guy was smacking people with his cane, but that party sounds like fun, too.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2016 03:30
|
|
|
loquacius posted:I'm sorry to tell you this, but if you had 4 mike's hards in 3 hours you were not trashed, and if you shot in your pants after receiving a "lapped dance" you did not lose your virginity even the dumbest and most sheltered goon on the forums wouldn't think they've lost their virginity after creaming their pants. bullshit confession quote:I have no sense of humor. I have never found anything funny, ever, and only vaguely understand the concept. In an attempt to not look weird, whenever other people start laughing at something, I will also laugh, but I don't understand why they're doing it. this one has got to be the racist police redtext guy
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2016 03:52
|
|
|
If creaming your jeans in public counts as losing your virginity then boy was I an early bloomer! 
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2016 04:15
|
|
|
It was 1995, and Balto was in cinemas,
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2016 04:21
|
|
|
Hedrigall posted:It was 1995, and Balto was in cinemas, Nobody wants to hear about how you let your little sister sit on your lap so she could see better.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2016 04:42
|
|
|
runupon cracker posted:dear sad virgoons who believe they will remain incels for the rest of their lives: What's his name?
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2016 04:57
|
|
|
Panfilo posted:Nobody wants to hear about how you let your little sister sit on your lap so she could see better. Lmao drat, brutal
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2016 05:00
|
|
|
runupon cracker posted:loving proto-nerd to the point that I taught myself binary by accident (it's a long story that involves reverse-engineering the VIC-20's custom character sets).
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2016 05:19
|
|
|
I jerked off to my Spore creatures... Oh gently caress was this meant to be anonymous?
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2016 06:15
|
|
|
Profondo Rosso posted:
Yeah, but.... have you clicked in the pic and checked the author? Personally that was the detail that broke my mind.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2016 07:48
|
|
|
VanSandman posted:they gonna gossip about your revolting rank rear end in a top hat tho. if known goon elise the great is there, she may post about it here! Not unless his rear end is so busted he ends up in the ICU.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2016 08:22
|
|
|
vudan posted:I jerked off to my Spore creatures... lol you paid money for Spore
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2016 11:11
|
|
|
Dawncloack posted:Yeah, but.... have you clicked in the pic and checked the author? "Shaved for viewing"
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2016 12:32
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 11, 2024 22:21 |
|
|
Hi guys, sorry for the long absence from the thread. I had some very intense professional training at work and didn't have time to post confessions. Luckily loquacius came through. Anyway, here's the latest batch: quote:I was on the show "To Catch a Predator" and yes, it hosed with my life a lot. I can't even really say much in my defense besides that I was stupid, lonely, horny and not really an adult mentally. Did some fast growing up then. My family still won't talk to me and probably never will. That's the only thing about the whole experience that I will never be able to put past me. quote:i have thing for panties and i often try to put myself into positions where i get a glimpse of a womans panties upskirt and such. i dont know if ive ever been caught and people are just too awkward (or polite lol) to call me out, or if im just awesome at sneaking peaks i dont know as i feel ive been pretty drat obvious a couple of times including at work. i never take pictures or touched or anything like that (im not a *huge* perv lol). i think the reason is that one of my earliest sexual memories is being 10 years old and seeing my friends moms panties when she was wearing a short dress and i got aroused. i got a semi just writing this.
|
|
#
?
Sep 13, 2016 17:13
|
|
