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My kids got to see me fail today, I dropped a 1 liter bottle of sweet & sour sauce on the tiled kitchen floor. I swore a lot, I tried to control my swearing byut the best I got was a "whoops, daddy hosed up" and the boys just smiled at the mayhem and repeated "daddy hosed up!".... Then after I had cleaned that up, I knocked over one of my late grandmothers glasses and it shattered all over the cleaned floor, their loving smiles I tell you! Then my fiance came home from the night shift and told me to just go before I destroy the house.
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Sep 15, 2016 09:32
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Bojanglesworth posted:
I think everyone else has offered really good advice, and I know it's so hard to get the right balance as a parent between letting them grow and stepping in when you need to, but the bolded part in your post really jumped out at me. You don't know he has difficulty learning! He hasn't been tested or evaluated, you haven't seen him in relation to his peers, you haven't even asked his teacher about him yet. Yes, all your fears and concerns might be completely correct, but then you'll deal with it. Until then, assuming the worst case scenario isn't going to help him or you. FWIW my almost-five-year-old is still very iffy on letters. He knows some and not others, and some days he can't / won't name any. I wanted to check whether it was a problem so spoke to his preschool teachers, who said that all he needs to be ready for school is to recognise his name, be able to listen and follow instructions, and to be able to manage in big groups (ie without constant individual attention). I don't live in America and it's a LOT less competitive here, but perhaps that's another thing you could talk about with his teachers to help you focus on what he actually needs to be able to achieve at his age level rather than guessing/ assuming what he should be able to do. [Edited to clarify]
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Sep 15, 2016 09:52
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Looks like the kids are gonna start on excursions into the woods now, next week we gotta bring backpacks with a small meal in it.
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Sep 15, 2016 13:43
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Remember to check their pockets for earthworms and stuff when they come home.
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Sep 15, 2016 14:18
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The not having opportunities to fail in front of your kid thing is weird. I fail at all sorts of stuff, sometimes very intentionally (other times I exaggerate small difficulties so I can work through them out load, and other times I have genuine challenges to overcome). My 20 month old has been super into puzzles lately, for example. At first, I would have him give me pieces and I would put them together, but lately I have started intentionally putting the pieces together wrong and turning them and looking confused, and that has been consistantly prompting him to grab his own piece and do the same thing (including confused noises) and now he is actually putting them together correctly himself - I failed in front of him, and modelled how I should respond to that failure by exploring different options, but I never tried to tell him what to do - once he was approaching things the right way, I let him figure out the actual solutions to the extent he was happy. When he gets tires of trying he hands the piece to me and we go back to me putting it together, along with plentiful failing on my part in the process. He also keeps dragging off pieces so he gets to the see the very honest failures of me trying and failing to find the last two pieces of the puzzle (up until we suceed, because we keep looking until they are found and we look together). This gets a bit more silly with older children of course, but it still works. Kids learn a lot more by helping you solve problems, and watching you solve problems in an obvious way, than through you helping them. Talk them through actual difficulties you are facing as well, at that age they are old enough to learn from your behaviour even if they dont understand the problem at all. Playing games where he has more power than you and your failure is guaranteed is a good way to make it honest - like one where he intentionally hides things on you and you have to find them. Although you should still exaggerate the search itself so he can see and hear whats going on in your head, and emphasize all the times you look somewhere and fail to find something so he knows you are failing... the hardest part for kids is that adulta generally fail quickly and quietly in rapid succession, make sure to slow it down and fail loudly so he knows its happening. The best part is that they will often get frustrates at first and you get to model turning down their help and emphasize that failure is okay even if is obvious and you still want to keep doing it on your own until you get it. also, if you are failing and they can offer to help (let your wife hide the items, for example), its a very low streas opportunity rich learning environment, because even if they cant help you are the one who is wrong, not them. It might even become a game where neither of you are REALLY looking for the items and are just having fun announcing your failures to find them to each other (which is a good thing! Run with it, resist the urge to get "back on task" some people get, this is the task, the hidden items are just the excuse!) Im sure all this stuff is probably familiar to you, but in case it isnt... Also echoing what others have said, some kids are private learners. It may be that he actually knows the things you are concerned about and is intentionally failing for you because he is unwilling to demonstrate if he is unsure. If thats the case, providing him with opportunities to practice and then leaving him alone to do so might be for the best GlyphGryph fucked around with this message at 15:16 on Sep 15, 2016 |
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Sep 15, 2016 15:05
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It's likely apocryphal, but Albert Einstein didn't start talking until he could form complete sentences. Seriously, though, it sounds like you're trying to turn your kids into tiny college-aged adults. It really doesn't matter that much. Like, really. People learn best when they're exploring things they're interested in and don't have someone else breathing down their necks to "learn it" or "do it right". Internal passion will always always always win over extrinsic motivation. The absolute best thing for a 4-year-old to do every day is play with friends, usually outside. You need to be like Elsa and just let it go.
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Sep 15, 2016 15:11
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This article is very apt and might help you think about things: http://www.slate.com/blogs/how_babies_work/2013/04/10/parental_ethnotheories_and_how_parents_in_america_differ_from_parents_everywhere.html
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Sep 15, 2016 15:43
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Tom Swift Jr. posted:Kids with this temperament need to be given plenty of time to practice on their own and in their own way and then they usually surprise you one day completely fluent. This is so true. Kids are super different. Some kids will hold back untill they're sure they've got everything right, and some kids will learn by just blundering their way towards whatever is correct. My sister was the first kind - she's always been the kind of kid (and adult) who won't present something to the world untill she's sure it's the way it's supposed to be, and we were super worried about her because she just. wouldn't. talk, untill she suddenly started talking properly and in complete sentence.s My daughter is the other kind, she started babbling early on, and then babbled clearer and clearer until she talked properly, and she's always just attacked new things head on, and then blundered about until she figured stuff out. (THe second kind of kid is definitely more relaxing to parent!) You sound super worried about your kid, and I'm sure he picks up on it. I think you should definitely get him evaluated properly, because either they'll find out that he does have a problem, and he'll get the help he needs, OR (which I think is way more likely) they'll tell you that he's completely normal, just developing at his own pace and in his own way, and hopefully that will set your mind at ease, so that you can enjoy your time together, and you'll both hopefully be more relaxed.
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Sep 15, 2016 15:56
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I moved to the US right before kindergarten. I could understand most of the English in class a few months into kindergarten, but was almost held back in from second grade because I didn't feel comfortable actually speaking/writing it and would fall to pieces in front of my ESL teacher (who was extremely terrifying and used mildly abusive techniques including corporal punishment). Only reason I wasn't held back was because my parents made them give me the standardized test even though they didn't want to because they thought I would obviously fail. My parents put me into an after school class with a really really nice friendly teacher and it was around her that I first felt comfortable actually using English, and after that it was easy coasting. I passed the standardized test easily after.
Rurutia fucked around with this message at 17:31 on Sep 15, 2016 |
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Sep 15, 2016 17:29
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my mom pointed out that its way more important for kids to understand than to talk. if a kid hasnt evolved past point and grunt, but understands you, theyre not behind until like 1st grade. reading will be taught. best way to help them learn to read is make storytime the most enjoyable part of their day.
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Sep 15, 2016 23:53
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That actually reminds me of some advice of my own I wanted. Mine has become exceptionally difficult to read to. I am beginning to wonder if its worth it to try or maybe I should just give it a break for a while. He doesn't listen, talks or whines over the story, and tries to do other things (when he should be sleeping). What he does love doing is reading to me (even though he obviously can't read or even talk yet). He'll point to things on each page, say a "sentence" about it (almost always the same one - "Dat doo da da babadoo") and then go through the whole book like that maybe three times. So I've basically just been letting him do that and "read" to me instead. Is this just a phase they get over, is this a good thing I should actually be encouraging, or should I keep trying to read to him even though it's an unpleasant experience (while still letting him do his thing after I'm done)?
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Sep 16, 2016 06:23
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GlyphGryph posted:That actually reminds me of some advice of my own I wanted. He's just emulating you. He sees you reading the book, and he wants to do the same - so he's doing it as best he can. I would just let it be - he's still engaging with you and the book as best he can, and it sounds cute and fun :3 You could try something like "OK, this is your book for tonight, and this is my one. Let's take it in turns reading them!"
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Sep 16, 2016 06:45
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GlyphGryph posted:Is this just a phase they get over, is this a good thing I should actually be encouraging, or should I keep trying to read to him even though it's an unpleasant experience (while still letting him do his thing after I'm done)? How old is he? Sounds very young. Let him do what makes him happy, maybe respond to his babbles with "oh yes I see, Spot's kicking the ball!" or whatever. He's got plenty of time to get into books, the most important thing is that he's familiar with them and enjoys them (in whatever way).
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Sep 16, 2016 10:32
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GlyphGryph posted:That actually reminds me of some advice of my own I wanted. This is exactly what my son does. Although he will periodically point out things in the pictures and name them "Truck!", "Ball!"
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Sep 16, 2016 14:42
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Thanks guys, sounds like it's all good for now, then! I'll just continue enjoying the cuteness and lack of effort on my part until he's willing to take turns with me. In other news, and this one isn't a question or concern or any of that, just something I desperately need to share: He's started pulling out the guitar and harmonica, and he has me hold the guitar so he can pluck the strings and "sing" (which is mostly just yelling) while I play the harmonica, until he's ready to switch and then he blows into the harmonica and dances (which is mostly spinning in circles while stomping his feet with a bit of head wobble) while I have to play the guitar and sing for him. It's the cutest goddamn thing. I think I might need to learn to play some actual children's songs beyond "Oh My Darling" soon, though. I can't get it (or anything else) on video though, because the moment he even suspects someone might have a camera his behaviour changes completely (usually in favour of trying to sneak a peak at the camera back)! So frustrating! So many adorable things that are impossible to film! GlyphGryph fucked around with this message at 15:28 on Sep 16, 2016 |
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Sep 16, 2016 15:01
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GlyphGryph posted:Thanks guys, sounds like it's all good for now, then! I'll just continue enjoying the cuteness and lack of effort on my part until he's willing to take turns with me. That's the best. Me and my son love playing the guitar together. We've been doing it since he was 6 months or something like that. Playing consists of him keeping me from playing by palm muting all the strings until I stop and then making his own "music" though. He gets super jealous when I play and I'm too far for him to play instead. These days he's starting to "sing" and dance a little bit while I play though and it's awesome. I can't wait until he's old enough to buy him a cheap ukulele to play with me KingColliwog fucked around with this message at 15:22 on Sep 16, 2016 |
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Sep 16, 2016 15:20
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KingColliwog posted:That's the best. Me and my son love playing the guitar together. We've been doing it since he was 6 months or something like that. Playing consists of him keeping me from playing by palm muting all the strings until I stop and then making his own "music" though. He gets super jealous when I play and I'm too far for him to play instead. I just bought a cheap ukulele for my 2 year old to play with me. She loves it. I mean she loves just plucking the strings with a pick which is way farther along than I thought she'd be  . She makes me get my guitar and sit by her but then we switch - me on the uke and her playing with my guitar laying on the couch. I really *REALLY* want her to learn a musical instrument.
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Sep 16, 2016 15:39
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BonoMan posted:I just bought a cheap ukulele for my 2 year old to play with me. She loves it. I mean she loves just plucking the strings with a pick which is way farther along than I thought she'd be I'm not a huge class person, but both of my kids have been enrolled in Music Together since birth and it's done amazing things for their musical competency. More importantly, it's just fun. You get a CD of mostly non-annoying kids music plus a songbook with lyrics and sheet music (so you can even learn to play some songs!).
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Sep 16, 2016 16:09
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Re kids ands books: My daughter (3) played at putting her Darth Vader minifig to bed the other day (WIBBLE WIBBLE  ), and after giving him a bath and tucking him in, read Room on the Broom for him by heart. I just about died. I know she loves the book and the gorgeous animation they've made, but I had no idea she'd memorized the whole thing. Three year olds are apparently sponges!
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Sep 18, 2016 19:26
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Would you moms feel offended if people kept saying your kids don't look like you at all. People kept saying that to my SO this weekend (at this vietnamese gathering) when they saw the twins, and I guess they do look a lot like me and not a lot like her. I figure you get tired of hearing it after a while though, but she says she's used to it. It's a bit strange even how strongly they've taken after me looks wise. Also got an indication of cross language comprehension from David when we exlaimed "herregud!" (swe) at something and he piped up with his own "Oh my god!" in response
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Sep 19, 2016 09:07
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His Divine Shadow posted:Also got an indication of cross language comprehension from David when we exlaimed "herregud!" (swe) at something and he piped up with his own "Oh my god!" in response That's useful! Swearing in as many languages as possible is a good skill to have. My own 2.5-year-old uses the names of colours interchangeably in English and Norwegian. I blame YouTube.
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Sep 19, 2016 11:22
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So my little Charles that barely takes 1h naps at home seem to always take 2h+ naps at day care. He also has decided that he misses us so he'll wake in the middle of the night to play (I don't think that's related to the longer naps since he does it during the week-end too even if he doesn't take nearly as long naps). At least he's the happiest we've ever seen him during the evening since he's so happy to be with us.
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Sep 19, 2016 14:14
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Daycare magic™ Almost every kid know sleeps better, eats better, and behaves better at daycare than they do for their parents. See also: Grandparent magic
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Sep 19, 2016 14:58
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His Divine Shadow posted:Would you moms feel offended if people kept saying your kids don't look like you at all. People kept saying that to my SO this weekend (at this vietnamese gathering) when they saw the twins, and I guess they do look a lot like me and not a lot like her. I figure you get tired of hearing it after a while though, but she says she's used to it. It's a bit strange even how strongly they've taken after me looks wise. I get that a lot, it doesn't really bother me. I remember reading somewhere that it's something people just say, I've had people say my eldest looks 'just like his dad' (talking about my husband) who is not even slightly related to him at all. Certainly I struggled to see a resemblance between our newborn babies and either of us but people would swear that the little pink round bald babies were the image of their father.
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Sep 19, 2016 15:38
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On the other hand, my newborn popped out of me looking so much like her dad that it was actually a little creepy. He would hold her and they would make the exact same facial expression at me - one big and one small - and I would just die of laughter. The older she gets the less she looks like a tiny clone of him, but my god it was funny / weird for that first year. It used to bother me a little when people would comment on it, but it was also the literal truth so there wasn't much point in getting worked up over it.
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Sep 19, 2016 16:29
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With our youngest one, I found people would find resemblance to the parent they had known for longer. I found he resembled both of us at different times, depending on his expression. Funny enough, those that knew us / have seen photos of us as babies also tended to see him as I did. With our daughter? Oh, everyone just skips us and says she's identical to her brother. I feel that's proof that they're both a good mix.
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Sep 19, 2016 17:15
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I could see it being frustrating if it's something everyone brings up all the time, but not as an occasional thing. My daughter looks nothing like me, but was the spitting image of my little sister when she was a baby/toddler, and on a recent visit home my aunt teared up because apparently my daughter looks exactly like my mother at that age. (My mother was 13 years younger than her oldest sister, my aunt, so she remembered my mother clearly as a three year old.) My mother died last year, so it was a very lovely thing to hear. I don't mind at all that my kid doesn't look like me when she looks like someone I love so much. I really feel for a friend of mine, though - one of her parents is from Ghana, the other is from Norway, but she's all Ghana lookwise. She married a pasty Norwegian dude, and they have the whitest, blondest kid ever.
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Sep 19, 2016 21:57
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My family thinks my daughter looks like my wife, and her family things she looks like me. My wife and I think she looks like my mom. It's like she's a weird combination of the two of us.
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Sep 19, 2016 22:38
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gninjagnome posted:My family thinks my daughter looks like my wife, and her family things she looks like me. My wife and I think she looks like my mom. It's like she's a weird combination of the two of us. This is our experience as well. Our kid is half white half asian and the asian grandparents think he looks super white and the white grandparents think he looks super asian.
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Sep 20, 2016 01:38
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Sockmuppet posted:I really feel for a friend of mine, though - one of her parents is from Ghana, the other is from Norway, but she's all Ghana lookwise. She married a pasty Norwegian dude, and they have the whitest, blondest kid ever. Sorta our situation, our kids were noticeably different from most other kids at that meet, even kids with one parent from finland looked very strongly asian, while our kids have very light brown hair and light eyes. I did notice the old ladies ogling them a lot.
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Sep 20, 2016 07:12
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Sockmuppet posted:I really feel for a friend of mine, though - one of her parents is from Ghana, the other is from Norway, but she's all Ghana lookwise. She married a pasty Norwegian dude, and they have the whitest, blondest kid ever. Genes combine in weird ways sometimes. Meanwhile, one of my old classmates recently posted a birthday picture of her 9-year-old daughter on Facebook and I could have sworn that picture had to be of said classmate circa 1981, instead. And there's been a couple other incidents like that with others from that group (like, I might not recognize my old classmates if I randomly meet them on the street, but I do recognize their kids.) What, did some of the locals invent cloning technology after I moved away?
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Sep 20, 2016 08:33
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As a stay at home parent how do you keep things interesting for yourself? I'm super bored and its leading to depression.
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Sep 21, 2016 00:52
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Reason posted:As a stay at home parent how do you keep things interesting for yourself? I'm super bored and its leading to depression. I guess it depends on how old your kid is, how remote you are where you live, etc. I am a stay-at-home mom of three, and from the first kid I took him/them out to libraries for story time, botanical gardens for nature, the park and indoor playgrounds for playdates with friends and their kids. etc. I try to get out at least every other day, I used to do it every day but I realized I was burning myself and my kids out. I just try to get them outside every day, if only to the neighborhood park or the backyard. Today was pretty lazy, but we had a busy yesterday and tomorrow is nuts so I let today be lazy and filled with TV and tablets. I get pretty burned out on talking to kids and focusing on their activities. I try to play games on my phone when I have a bit of downtime, I try to invite friends along for adult conversations, sometimes I don't get any me time until they are asleep and I talk my husband's ear off for an hour about the day and stuff. I try not to tune out the kids on my laptop or phone, but sometimes I just need to read the news or escape whatever insanity they are doing. Today I cleaned the house while they ate lunch and the littlest one napped, I am DYING for some me time. I think once their dad gets home from work and gets the whole dinner/bath/bed routine started, I'm checking out for some garbage TV and relaxation time.
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Sep 21, 2016 01:57
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VorpalBunny posted:I guess it depends on how old your kid is, how remote you are where you live, etc. I feel guilty on days where I just plop the little guy in front of the TV. We get out almost every day. My wife and I share a car so its not always every day. I'm pretty burned out on most of the local activities and its driving me crazy.
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Sep 21, 2016 02:30
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I take one night a week to go to the gym and also take a few hours on the weekend to go out for a coffee or something by myself. I love quiet and just being by myself and those are two things in short supply when you are home with little kids all day. If I don't get that time on a regular basis I get burnt out really quickly. I make it a priority to schedule it for myself now. Re: boredom during the day, schedule your day so there is a chunk of time where the kids are all either napping or occupied with devices and do something that you really enjoy (not cleaning or other chores). It makes a huge difference. New Weave Wendy fucked around with this message at 03:04 on Sep 21, 2016 |
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Sep 21, 2016 03:01
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My wife and I like to put our daughter (2.5yr) down at around 20:00 for bed. However, she doesn't fall asleep until 21:30, usually. She's pretty quiet in bed, but she just tosses and turns. Should we be concerned about this? I understand that she might not be tired, but I think a solid bedtime routine is important. FWIW, she sleeps through the night, and we often need to wake her up at 8:30/9:00ish for morning activities.
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Sep 21, 2016 15:10
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It's just like adults - some people fall asleep instantly and others need to toss and turn for a bit before dozing off. If she's not crying or fussing, she's just doing her thing to wind down and go to sleep. Seems normal to me.
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Sep 21, 2016 15:49
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Is she napping still? One of the signs my daughter was ready to drop her nap at that age was taking a long time to fall asleep at night. We dropped the nap and bedtime got exponentially quicker and easier. I feel like 1.5 hours is a long time to be laying awake trying to fall asleep, I would not enjoy going through that myself as an adult.
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Sep 21, 2016 17:35
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New Weave Wendy posted:Is she napping still? One of the signs my daughter was ready to drop her nap at that age was taking a long time to fall asleep at night. We dropped the nap and bedtime got exponentially quicker and easier. She is still napping - and mainly because she's cranky as hell if she doesn't have a nap. I'll see about trying to drop it.
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Sep 21, 2016 18:29
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Our toddler doesn't nap when he's home with us all day anymore. We gave up on that months ago. They still try to get him to nap at daycare. Sometimes it works and I can tell the days he does nap because he won't go to bed till 9 or 10.
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Sep 21, 2016 20:17
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