Jimmy Little Balls posted:

Reasons my girlfriend is angry today:

She wanted to go for breakfast when I was still asleep, was woken up by being shouted at for being lazy. Got up and ready and had to wait 45 minutes for her to get ready, she changed shoes 11 times. She has 4 pairs of shoes.

She had a stomache ache and wanted to go to the TCM doctor, I told her there was nothing wrong with her and he would just tell her to drink more hot water, he told her there was nothing wrong with her and to drink more hot water.

I've hurt my knee and she wanted to spend the day walking round a crowded park, I am very selfish for not going to the park.

Jimmy Little Balls posted:

Reasons my girlfriend is angry today:

She wanted to go for breakfast when I was still asleep, was woken up by being shouted at for being lazy. Got up and ready and had to wait 45 minutes for her to get ready, she changed shoes 11 times. She has 4 pairs of shoes.

She had a stomache ache and wanted to go to the TCM doctor, I told her there was nothing wrong with her and he would just tell her to drink more hot water, he told her there was nothing wrong with her and to drink more hot water.

I've hurt my knee and she wanted to spend the day walking round a crowded park, I am very selfish for not going to the park.

Jimmy Little Balls posted:

Reasons my girlfriend is angry today:

She wanted to go for breakfast when I was still asleep, was woken up by being shouted at for being lazy. Got up and ready and had to wait 45 minutes for her to get ready, she changed shoes 11 times. She has 4 pairs of shoes.

She had a stomache ache and wanted to go to the TCM doctor, I told her there was nothing wrong with her and he would just tell her to drink more hot water, he told her there was nothing wrong with her and to drink more hot water.

I've hurt my knee and she wanted to spend the day walking round a crowded park, I am very selfish for not going to the park.

TROIKA CURES GREEK posted:

Usually this joke is more centered around the fact that jews used to be the only people you could find in Chinese restaurants in the US during the christian holiday season. People are less religious now so maybe that is changing.

Fojar38 posted:

lol

This summer there was like a torrent of articles about "China's plan to become a global football superpower" too

Ccs posted:

Apparently the women teams in sports in China are much better than the men's teams, but women's teams can't compete in the World Cup. And China's patriarchy means they don't care at all about the Women's World Cup.

The female ping pong team is even better than the men's ping pong team, but China is actually good at Ping Pong so the men's team doesn't totally suck.

Also the animation studio my girlfriend used to work at has just released a really awful looking movie. They had a ridiculously short time to work on it, burning out people on 90 hour weeks, but the short schedule means it still looks like poo poo. The director is now on a tour around the country crying and asking audiences that if he kills himself, will they please go see his movie, LORD: Legend of Ravaging Dynasties.

The trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sj38eecxpzE

quote:

Pregnant 12-year-old girl brought to hospital by 'husband', 40, who said she was his 20-year-old wife

A man has been arrested after taking his pregnant 'wife' to hospital only for staff to claim the 'woman' was no older than 12.

The youngster, who has not been named, had been accompanied by the 40-year-old man and another woman who claimed to be her mother-in-law.

The three arrived at the Xuzhou City Central Hospital, in East China's Jiangsu Province, claiming that the girl was three months pregnant and that she needed a routine test to confirm that her foetus was healthy.

The husband and mother-in-law said the wife was 20 years old, but medics immediately alerted local authorities when they found the young patient to be more like a schoolgirl than a "woman".

Doctors who tried to question the girl were unable to get any answers from her, as she did not speak any Mandarin.

One of the staff said: "It's obvious she is just a child, and certainly not anywhere near 20 years old."

Their suspicion is also said to have angered the husband, who was quoted as saying: "I took her here to be examined - just do your job. Stop asking so many questions.

Arriving police officers found that the girl did not possess a Chinese ID and concluded that she was a foreign national from Southeast Asia, but her exact origins are still unclear.

Investigators suspect that she was abducted or bought as a foreign bride - the Chinese have a history of purchasing Vietnamese brides from across the country's southern border.

Haier posted:

RIP the Mongolian.

She started deleting me from Wechat and asking for friend confirmation. I tried adding her again and she did and she said that this is what she does to guys she likes, seeing if they will add her again and can't be without her. I was like "WAT? That's childish as hell." Since she had my friend request in her friend section, she would say a bunch of poo poo and delete me so I couldn't reply, add me at will, say a bunch of poo poo, and then delete me. I told her to get hosed, so she blocked me. Then she unblocked me, told me I was a bad man for being divorced and that I abandoned my poo poo head of an ex-wife and it was all my fault or something. I double told her to get hosed, and she blocked me again.

She shows up unannounced at my house at midnight last night and barges in when I open the door (no peephole), and strips naked and gets into my bed and says she's super tired and needs sleep. I'm standing there chatting with my normal friends on my phone and sending video to them of crazy Mongolian girl in case things go really sour and I need evidence. They're laughing at me and telling me to build a wall around her. I tell her she can't do this and she should leave, and she says she'll go to the police and report me as a spy or that I am doing something illegal. I knew this would happen eventually. Thanks, Uncle Xi.

I've actually been sick these days, and I was in the process of brushing my teeth and getting ready to go to bed when she arrived, so I started crashing around and making tons of noise, turning on all my lights and doing whatever in my own house. She's sighing and trying to "sleep." She tells me to come to bed. I eat rice pudding and blow my nose loudly.

I know this is a battle I can't win, and I am running a fever and beginning to sweat profusely. I crawl into bed and pull the blanket over and she rolls over and touches and me and complains I am soaked in sweat. I told her she can sleep in her own bed if she doesn't like it and she loudly sighs and takes my hand and puts it on her brown Mongol titties. Even if I wanted to, I had zero energy to get it up, so I told her so and rolled over to sleep and try to break my fever. She jams her face into mine and told me she wants to kiss me and I was thinking I was going to get bit. She didn't bite me, but instead gave me this weird series of kisses on my face and shoulders and then complained I was salty from sweating like I ran a marathon.

Then she said this -
Her: "I came here because you told me not to. Anything you want me to do, I refuse to do it. Anything you don't want me to do, I will do it."
Me: "That's dumb. I don't like that."
Her: "I AM SORRY. DO YOU WANT ME TO CRY? WAIT A MOMENT. I WILL CRY."
Me: "You're stupid and immature, and you should listen to what people say and respect that."
Her: "I am the type of girl that if she says no, it always means YES."
Me: "What?"
Her: "I came here to torture you and bother you. I know you're sick. I thought it would be fun to see you angry."
Me: "For crying out loud..."
Her: "I am wet. You will gently caress me? I don't want you to gently caress me."
Me: "We're not having sex ever again."
Her: "I said don't gently caress me..."
Me: "I get it. You want me to rape you or something."
Her: "Yes."

Anyway, she actually fell asleep soon after and so did I and she woke me up like 500 times kissing my shoulder and then set her alarm for 06:30 and used Snooze until like 08:00. She also woke up at like 3am and took a huge dump for some reason and because she woke me up I had to pee and after I walked into Mongolian Genocide in the bathroom and cursed her ancestors.

She woke up, said nothing to me, got dressed, forced a hug on me, and left. I told her to never contact me again. I blocked her. She didn't come back tonight. I am sure she will try again, but I am not opening my door. LMAO.

Edit:
Screenshot from a Wechat video of her plugging her phone into her powerbank right after barging in. My lights were off and my USB charger thing was making my room glow blue.

Haier posted:

RIP the Mongolian.

She started deleting me from Wechat and asking for friend confirmation. I tried adding her again and she did and she said that this is what she does to guys she likes, seeing if they will add her again and can't be without her. I was like "WAT? That's childish as hell." Since she had my friend request in her friend section, she would say a bunch of poo poo and delete me so I couldn't reply, add me at will, say a bunch of poo poo, and then delete me. I told her to get hosed, so she blocked me. Then she unblocked me, told me I was a bad man for being divorced and that I abandoned my poo poo head of an ex-wife and it was all my fault or something. I double told her to get hosed, and she blocked me again.

She shows up unannounced at my house at midnight last night and barges in when I open the door (no peephole), and strips naked and gets into my bed and says she's super tired and needs sleep. I'm standing there chatting with my normal friends on my phone and sending video to them of crazy Mongolian girl in case things go really sour and I need evidence. They're laughing at me and telling me to build a wall around her. I tell her she can't do this and she should leave, and she says she'll go to the police and report me as a spy or that I am doing something illegal. I knew this would happen eventually. Thanks, Uncle Xi.

I've actually been sick these days, and I was in the process of brushing my teeth and getting ready to go to bed when she arrived, so I started crashing around and making tons of noise, turning on all my lights and doing whatever in my own house. She's sighing and trying to "sleep." She tells me to come to bed. I eat rice pudding and blow my nose loudly.

I know this is a battle I can't win, and I am running a fever and beginning to sweat profusely. I crawl into bed and pull the blanket over and she rolls over and touches and me and complains I am soaked in sweat. I told her she can sleep in her own bed if she doesn't like it and she loudly sighs and takes my hand and puts it on her brown Mongol titties. Even if I wanted to, I had zero energy to get it up, so I told her so and rolled over to sleep and try to break my fever. She jams her face into mine and told me she wants to kiss me and I was thinking I was going to get bit. She didn't bite me, but instead gave me this weird series of kisses on my face and shoulders and then complained I was salty from sweating like I ran a marathon.

Then she said this -
Her: "I came here because you told me not to. Anything you want me to do, I refuse to do it. Anything you don't want me to do, I will do it."
Me: "That's dumb. I don't like that."
Her: "I AM SORRY. DO YOU WANT ME TO CRY? WAIT A MOMENT. I WILL CRY."
Me: "You're stupid and immature, and you should listen to what people say and respect that."
Her: "I am the type of girl that if she says no, it always means YES."
Me: "What?"
Her: "I came here to torture you and bother you. I know you're sick. I thought it would be fun to see you angry."
Me: "For crying out loud..."
Her: "I am wet. You will gently caress me? I don't want you to gently caress me."
Me: "We're not having sex ever again."
Her: "I said don't gently caress me..."
Me: "I get it. You want me to rape you or something."
Her: "Yes."

Anyway, she actually fell asleep soon after and so did I and she woke me up like 500 times kissing my shoulder and then set her alarm for 06:30 and used Snooze until like 08:00. She also woke up at like 3am and took a huge dump for some reason and because she woke me up I had to pee and after I walked into Mongolian Genocide in the bathroom and cursed her ancestors.

She woke up, said nothing to me, got dressed, forced a hug on me, and left. I told her to never contact me again. I blocked her. She didn't come back tonight. I am sure she will try again, but I am not opening my door. LMAO.

Edit:
Screenshot from a Wechat video of her plugging her phone into her powerbank right after barging in. My lights were off and my USB charger thing was making my room glow blue.

Haier posted:

She's sighing and trying to "sleep." She tells me to come to bed. I eat rice pudding and blow my nose loudly.

Haier posted:

RIP the Mongolian.

She started deleting me from Wechat and asking for friend confirmation. I tried adding her again and she did and she said that this is what she does to guys she likes, seeing if they will add her again and can't be without her. I was like "WAT? That's childish as hell." Since she had my friend request in her friend section, she would say a bunch of poo poo and delete me so I couldn't reply, add me at will, say a bunch of poo poo, and then delete me. I told her to get hosed, so she blocked me. Then she unblocked me, told me I was a bad man for being divorced and that I abandoned my poo poo head of an ex-wife and it was all my fault or something. I double told her to get hosed, and she blocked me again.

She shows up unannounced at my house at midnight last night and barges in when I open the door (no peephole), and strips naked and gets into my bed and says she's super tired and needs sleep. I'm standing there chatting with my normal friends on my phone and sending video to them of crazy Mongolian girl in case things go really sour and I need evidence. They're laughing at me and telling me to build a wall around her. I tell her she can't do this and she should leave, and she says she'll go to the police and report me as a spy or that I am doing something illegal. I knew this would happen eventually. Thanks, Uncle Xi.

I've actually been sick these days, and I was in the process of brushing my teeth and getting ready to go to bed when she arrived, so I started crashing around and making tons of noise, turning on all my lights and doing whatever in my own house. She's sighing and trying to "sleep." She tells me to come to bed. I eat rice pudding and blow my nose loudly.

I know this is a battle I can't win, and I am running a fever and beginning to sweat profusely. I crawl into bed and pull the blanket over and she rolls over and touches and me and complains I am soaked in sweat. I told her she can sleep in her own bed if she doesn't like it and she loudly sighs and takes my hand and puts it on her brown Mongol titties. Even if I wanted to, I had zero energy to get it up, so I told her so and rolled over to sleep and try to break my fever. She jams her face into mine and told me she wants to kiss me and I was thinking I was going to get bit. She didn't bite me, but instead gave me this weird series of kisses on my face and shoulders and then complained I was salty from sweating like I ran a marathon.

Then she said this -
Her: "I came here because you told me not to. Anything you want me to do, I refuse to do it. Anything you don't want me to do, I will do it."
Me: "That's dumb. I don't like that."
Her: "I AM SORRY. DO YOU WANT ME TO CRY? WAIT A MOMENT. I WILL CRY."
Me: "You're stupid and immature, and you should listen to what people say and respect that."
Her: "I am the type of girl that if she says no, it always means YES."
Me: "What?"
Her: "I came here to torture you and bother you. I know you're sick. I thought it would be fun to see you angry."
Me: "For crying out loud..."
Her: "I am wet. You will gently caress me? I don't want you to gently caress me."
Me: "We're not having sex ever again."
Her: "I said don't gently caress me..."
Me: "I get it. You want me to rape you or something."
Her: "Yes."

Anyway, she actually fell asleep soon after and so did I and she woke me up like 500 times kissing my shoulder and then set her alarm for 06:30 and used Snooze until like 08:00. She also woke up at like 3am and took a huge dump for some reason and because she woke me up I had to pee and after I walked into Mongolian Genocide in the bathroom and cursed her ancestors.

She woke up, said nothing to me, got dressed, forced a hug on me, and left. I told her to never contact me again. I blocked her. She didn't come back tonight. I am sure she will try again, but I am not opening my door. LMAO.

Edit:
Screenshot from a Wechat video of her plugging her phone into her powerbank right after barging in. My lights were off and my USB charger thing was making my room glow blue.

Jimmy Little Balls posted:

Reasons my girlfriend is angry today:

She wanted to go for breakfast when I was still asleep, was woken up by being shouted at for being lazy. Got up and ready and had to wait 45 minutes for her to get ready, she changed shoes 11 times. She has 4 pairs of shoes.

She had a stomache ache and wanted to go to the TCM doctor, I told her there was nothing wrong with her and he would just tell her to drink more hot water, he told her there was nothing wrong with her and to drink more hot water.

I've hurt my knee and she wanted to spend the day walking round a crowded park, I am very selfish for not going to the park.

Son of Rodney posted:

Haier I sometimes end up with weird girls while dating, and when they're doing something kinda too crazy for my comfort zone I get this really reflective mood and think "Why did it come to this, what am I doing with this girl, what am I doing with my life."

Do you ever have that?

Haier posted:

RIP the Mongolian.

...

They're laughing at me and telling me to build a wall around her.

KomodoWagon posted:

Lol you are a foreigner in China, people can do literally whatever they want to you and if you ever complain or fight back or go to the police, you will face espionage charges or get deported for some other bullshit reason. You're hosed.

The Great Autismo! posted:

you're lucky this girl isn't a chinese national, she could make your life a living hell then if she wanted to. this post actually made me think back to some of the girls i dated back in the day and i'm pretty happy i escaped all those escapades unscathed.

Son of Rodney posted:

Haier I sometimes end up with weird girls while dating, and when they're doing something kinda too crazy for my comfort zone I get this really reflective mood and think "Why did it come to this, what am I doing with this girl, what am I doing with my life."

Do you ever have that?

coke posted:

So did you do the deed under the delirious fever or not? because I didn't see a no there.

Haier posted:

The only times I think what am I doing with my life is when I am outside and shoulder-checking yet another idiot who is zigzagging on the sidewalk or walkway and can't look up from their phone for a split second to not walk right into oncoming humans. I love walking as a hobby and Chinese are most frustrating people to walk near.

Haier posted:

Yeah, DU-UHHHH. It does make for good a "Heh, remember when that happened? That was some poo poo."



The only times I think what am I doing with my life is when I am outside and shoulder-checking yet another idiot who is zigzagging on the sidewalk or walkway and can't look up from their phone for a split second to not walk right into oncoming humans. I love walking as a hobby and Chinese are most frustrating people to walk near. Due to Face culture, I have to take full responsibility not only for myself, but for their stupid asses not paying attention. Who knew that watching TV on your phone while walking made you have the right of way over bicycles, joggers, walkers, and other people? It is like 90% of my source of frustration in this country. The only time it doesn't happen is when I skateboard. The sound makes them dive out of they or start parting like the Red Sea from at least 100m away. It's amazing to watch. Even if they can't see me, they can hear me, and they move. I found putting my heel down and getting that rubber squeal from my shoe sole will make even the most stubborn person get out of the way immediately. I take pleasure in having the right of way for once.

Haier posted:

I can't control the looney bins that I date.

Haier posted:

her brown Mongol titties

Fauxtool posted:

a korean guy i worked for told me pink nipples were the loving hottest.
Is it one of those things that only super pale rich people have so its automatically attractive?

Krinkle posted:

What? Nipples don't really get a lot of sunlight so I don't think the class signifiers of whether you get vitamin D or not from manual labor apply to goddamn nipples. Christ.

e: whoops, wrong thread for friendly nicknames for nipples.

Haier posted:

Haier posted:

Haier plunging crazy. Again.