Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

My confession is that I have an honest to God college degree, one of which is in Latin :ssh:

# ? Oct 11, 2016 00:34

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# ? May 9, 2024 23:36

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

When this thread first popped on SA a few years back or whenever, one of the regular confessions I found amusing was the idea that goons were lusting for the horrific torture and death of monkeys for no other reason and than to sate their taste for blood. I'm not laughing anymore because now I too thirst for monkey death. To the point where the lack of material on the internet is leading me to consider taking a vacation to Africa or South America... Somewhere that I can catch a couple monkeys, spend a few days befriending them, and then murdering them in the most gratifying ways possible. Catching a mother and her freshly-imprinted baby would just be the jackpot. I'm not even a violent person outside of this one bizarre obsession that's come over me. The idea of harming basically any other living thing still upsets me greatly but for some reason the idea of killing a monkey with my bare hands is one of the most satisfying things I can think of. I know it's old hat now, this being probably the 10th confession of the kind, but obviously I can't tell anyone about this in real life without them seeing me a monster (rightfully so but I don't give a poo poo)

It's spreading :tinfoil:

quote:

The first time I really ever connected with a woman I was sharing a joint with my current girlfriend shortly after we first met. We were watching Andrew Zimmer on her couch, and we really started talking. We both had really opened up and it might have been the most happy I had ever been up to that point in my young adult life.

Reason I keep it all anonymous is because her family or mine has no idea we indulge in weed. In the past I was a very quiet guy and I kind of kept that image in their minds. Also because the words that really won my heart for my girlfriend were from a joke she had said while I was going to order some Pizza for us. She grabbed my hand while i was looking for the number on my phone and whispered in my ear "I'll put that stoner jaw to some better use." First time someone was direct with me and I loved it.

All you need in life is someone awesome in your life to share weed with.

I dunno I smoke weed with my wife and we don't really talk to our families about it either, seems fairly normal :shrug:

well we tell her sister and my cousin because they're huge stoners but that's the exception

# ? Oct 11, 2016 00:35

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Oh, and if someone recently sent in a confession that went off too early and wasn't finished yet, can you please send another email with your code phrase that says whether the version you sent in afterwards actually was finished, because the order the emails were received is a little wonky and I can't really tell

# ? Oct 11, 2016 00:37

Devils Affricate: Jan 22, 2010

loquacius posted:

quote:
The first time I really ever connected with a woman I was sharing a joint with my current girlfriend shortly after we first met. We were watching Andrew Zimmer on her couch, and we really started talking. We both had really opened up and it might have been the most happy I had ever been up to that point in my young adult life.

Reason I keep it all anonymous is because her family or mine has no idea we indulge in weed. In the past I was a very quiet guy and I kind of kept that image in their minds. Also because the words that really won my heart for my girlfriend were from a joke she had said while I was going to order some Pizza for us. She grabbed my hand while i was looking for the number on my phone and whispered in my ear "I'll put that stoner jaw to some better use." First time someone was direct with me and I loved it.

All you need in life is someone awesome in your life to share weed with.

The only reason for this to be anonymous is because of how lame it is.

# ? Oct 11, 2016 01:21

ElectroMagneticJosh: Oct 13, 2006; Lets Volt In!!

Devils Affricate posted:

The only reason for this to be anonymous is because of how lame it is.

Do you really think stoners are that self-aware?

# ? Oct 11, 2016 06:23

kazr: Jan 28, 2005

my belly button is full of lint

# ? Oct 11, 2016 07:35

Buttcoin purse: Apr 24, 2014

loquacius posted:

When this thread first popped on SA a few years back or whenever, one of the regular confessions I found amusing was the idea that goons were lusting for the horrific torture and death of monkeys for no other reason and than to sate their taste for blood. I'm not laughing anymore because now I too thirst for monkey death. To the point where the lack of material on the internet is leading me to consider taking a vacation to Africa or South America... Somewhere that I can catch a couple monkeys, spend a few days befriending them, and then murdering them in the most gratifying ways possible. Catching a mother and her freshly-imprinted baby would just be the jackpot. I'm not even a violent person outside of this one bizarre obsession that's come over me. The idea of harming basically any other living thing still upsets me greatly but for some reason the idea of killing a monkey with my bare hands is one of the most satisfying things I can think of. I know it's old hat now, this being probably the 10th confession of the kind, but obviously I can't tell anyone about this in real life without them seeing me a monster (rightfully so but I don't give a poo poo)

Has anyone said "I hope you catch Ebola" yet?

# ? Oct 11, 2016 08:01

Cactus Ghost: Dec 20, 2003; you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc

the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack

the grimdark proto serial killer poo poo kinda all has to be ignored; it's too lazy and easy to fake. which makes it loop back around to creepy again because you could easily tell the bare honest truth about some extremely horrific poo poo and if you did it on the internet everyone would just be like "you used basic storytelling prose and flow, therefore obv fake"

# ? Oct 11, 2016 08:14

Blow: Feb 10, 2004

H.H posted:

Arabic is much simpler, at least the colloquial version.

If we're comparing Classical to Classical, I would argue that on purely technical grounds Latin is more difficult: twice as much cases, twice as much tenses and a bit less declensions.
Obviously that's not an absolutely objective way to quantify difficulty of language acquisition, but it is indicative of complexity.

I dunno, when I studied Arabic it seemed much easier.

I don't know Mandarin, but my friends who studied it say that the morphology is very simple. The difficult part is pronunciation and writing.
Any Chinese speakers who can verify this?

nerd

# ? Oct 11, 2016 08:30

Warm und Fuzzy: Jun 20, 2006

Atin-lay is asye-lay.

# ? Oct 11, 2016 10:04

brotato: May 14, 2013

I too lust for a world without monkeys. Not because they got murdered or anything but just because they left.

Lil guys are hella weird and creepy looking.

# ? Oct 11, 2016 13:11

H.H: Oct 24, 2006; August is the Cruelest Month

Sorry about all the Latin chat, it's a sore spot with me.

# ? Oct 11, 2016 13:16

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

I was in middle school when Dragonball Z was a huge hit. I was a dorky middle schooler when the Androids and Cell Saga were on, and I rushed home every day to watch it. I started studying it, going online to research the Japanese version and all the episodes that hadn't hit the US yet, and became a pretty big name online on the Temple O' Trunks and DBZ: Uncensored message boards. Incredibly nerdy looking back but at the time, it was my life.

That's where the story would end for most people, it would be an embarrassing childhood moment. But I also discovered something else at that time - I really liked working out and getting stronger. I copied the DBZ method of training - I filled a bookbag with rocks, tied lead weights into my clothes, weight down my shoes with cement blocks, stuff like that. And then I'd try working out in that. And for a while it worked really well. I was doing a lot of high impact exercises and my skinny/flabby body was responding well. I was bulking up and in my mind, I was becoming one step closer to the characters I idolized on TV. I wasn't completely stupid, I knew I couldn't turn super saiya-jin or anything like that.

Until one morning I couldn't get out of bed.

My parents had to carry me to the car and took me to the ER. I had torn several vertebral arteries, which lead to multiple strokes. I was 15 years old.

I spent the next several weeks in the hospital recovering, and then nearly a year after that in physical therapy. My left arm is still noticeably smaller than my right one, and I'm skinny enough that I wear a women's small T-shirt, despite being a nearly 30 year old man.

and next up here is some SA fanfiction

quote:

I'm a performance artist and an SA forums poster. Why do I put those in the same sentence?

In 2011 I had an idea - to create a kickstarter so ridiculous that not a single soul would fund it. I would then do everything possible to get funding and document those insane sales pitches, and that was intended to be the piece. So I came up with something - a hot dog stand in Alabama. I took almost 2 years to prep, working on my character mostly. I imaged him as a human version of Goofy - someone who didn't understand how things worked, and mostly lucked into any small successes in life, followed by defeat after defeat after defeat.

I was living in the South at that time, and a lot of the backward views bled into the character too.

I created the kickstarter and didn't get many views. I had visions of going viral, but they didn't happen. Until I posted it on SA. And then the kickstarter took off, and I was funded far beyond the goal I had set.

There were 2 options at this point; admit the ruse or continue the performance. I continued. I knew nothing about running a restaurant, and neither did my character. In 2014 I opened. My own laziness and ignorance was amplified 100x over into my characterization - I basically just heated up food from Costco, closed whenever I felt like it, and here's the shocking part - I made good money doing it.

I kept this up for almost 2 years - a lifetime as far as these things go. I was inspired by Nathan Fielder's "Dumb Starbucks", I kept going more and more absurd. People online kept laughing, people in Alabama kept coming and buying food.

I had to end it at some point, I felt like Wayne was taking over my mind and taking over my personality. When gay marriage became legal I was overjoyed, except for the Wayne personality, who of course hated it. So I created a 2nd fake business to explain why I'd suddenly lose all my excess cash, then claimed a local funeral swooped in on me. Without any savings in the bank, I was plum out of luck, as Wayne would say.

In reality I put the building up for sale and moved away. I said I was making good money, and I was. The room I rented down there cost only 120 dollars a month. I was putting away almost 2000 dollars a month, even after keeping the restaurant running, paying my bills, and paying "tasha", who was just my sister.

So I donated all that saved up money, almost 50k, to Reform AL's school district. I know some goons lost money, one guy skipped Christmas, and I can never be forgiven for that.

Doobie: the Untold Story

# ? Oct 11, 2016 14:00

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

Lmao a fake Doobie confession cripes

# ? Oct 11, 2016 14:03

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

The DBZ workout story reminds me of a derail from the political cartoon thread of a few years ago wherein we saw an editorial about how kids' backpacks were too heavy and it was giving them scoliosis, and some guy responded by saying we should start packing weights in the things and that would solve child obesity. He stuck with this for like three pages of argument.

like exercise works like Conan the Barbarian's childhood or something

I distinctly remember saying "wouldn't it be a better idea to expand gym classes so that kids are exercising in a healthy manner overseen by a trained professional instead of bending their spines to a ninety-degree angle" and he edited a quote of that post to say "a bunch of feel-good hippy-dippy bullshit that won't work" or something and followed it up with "yeah right :rolleyes:

# ? Oct 11, 2016 14:04

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

You just don't care enough about the childhood obesity issues to do anything about it loquacious. I would sew all the weights into every backpack just to keep one child 3lbs lighter. Maybe we could flood every way to school so the kids have to walk through waste deep water to further the resistance?

# ? Oct 11, 2016 14:21

pants in my pants: Aug 18, 2009; by Smythe

Doobie rented the building from a guy who lives in I want to say Northshore, AL which is near Tuscaloosa. It's verifiable on the Pickens county tax site. Nice try tho.

# ? Oct 11, 2016 14:26

Gamer With Dignity: May 15, 2016; by Nyc_Tattoo

She grabbed my hand while i was looking for the number on my phone and whispered in my ear "I'll put that stoner jaw to some better use."

# ? Oct 11, 2016 14:32

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

pants in my pants posted:

Doobie rented the building from a guy who lives in I want to say Northshore, AL which is near Tuscaloosa. It's verifiable on the Pickens county tax site. Nice try tho.

I'm glad we have Doob scholars in here who can fact check stories like these for us.

# ? Oct 11, 2016 14:36

bradzilla: Oct 15, 2004

loquacius posted:

doob

jfc how pathetic do you have to be to write this poo poo

# ? Oct 11, 2016 14:51

Cool Dad: Jun 15, 2007; It is always Friday night, motherfuckers

pants in my pants posted:

Doobie rented the building from a guy who lives in I want to say Northshore, AL which is near Tuscaloosa. It's verifiable on the Pickens county tax site. Nice try tho.

artificially stocked lake posted:

jfc how pathetic do you have to be to write this poo poo

# ? Oct 11, 2016 15:50

CharlestonJew: Jul 7, 2011; Illegal Hen

loquacius posted:

and next up here is some SA fanfiction

Doobie: the Untold Story

for the first confession I didn't take it to those extremes (just some arm/ankle weights my mom had lying around the house) but I would do the same poo poo when I was a kid

# ? Oct 11, 2016 16:16

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

I used to pack all my stuff in my bag instead of use a locker in elem and middle school. One of my health teachers one year told me that was dangerous, but it was literally on the last day of school and he was otherwise a nut.

I had scoliosis as a kid and had to wear a brace at night until i stopped growing in time for college. My spine is S shaped and that's a good prognosis so you could never tell it happened, but as a short man i had the potential to be a few inches taller, thanks Obama.

# ? Oct 11, 2016 16:48

Harakiri Potter: Oct 18, 2004; REACH HEAVEN THROUGH VIOLENCE BABY

Putty posted:

I used to pack all my stuff in my bag instead of use a locker in elem and middle school. One of my health teachers one year told me that was dangerous, but it was literally on the last day of school and he was otherwise a nut.

I had scoliosis as a kid and had to wear a brace at night until i stopped growing in time for college. My spine is S shaped and that's a good prognosis so you could never tell it happened, but as a short man i had the potential to be a few inches taller, thanks Obama.

I had scoliosis and then a stress fracture. I grew to about 6'2, by the time I was 12... at night my brace would creak as I grew and breathed. We lived in a small cottage and my poor brothers and sisters had to wear hearing protection to sleep.

# ? Oct 11, 2016 21:43

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

I'm seen by loads of people as upstanding and good, but in reality I just have a knack for lying, confusing people/setting them against each other and not getting caught very easily. About 6 years ago I started on weights and swimming regularly, and after about 2 years of it or so started to feel good and carry myself well and hence look good, and started cheating on my wife. Sites like Fetlife and the confidence to talk to people have seen me through 20+ secret partners now, most just once or twice but some longer term. No-one I know would have a clue. With having some confidence again the sex with my wife has never been better, but I can't stop- so many perversions, so many people.

I'm not going to claim any hacking skills whatsoever, but whenever I get guaranteed unrestricted access for 2 minutes to someones computer, I stick a bit of spy software on it from a usb stick. It's wonderful. I get to see everyone's perversions, logged and noted. Very few people have vanilla tastes these days it seems. And of course, their login details and lots of other tasty treats. When I found someone I drank with was into child porn (and lots cocaine and a lot prostitutes) I anonymously blackmailed him by making him give me the funds he was taking out of his business for the benefit of colombia and large black women in the sex industry for a week or two the tune of about 3K. Then I sent his wife all the evidence she needed anyway.

The information I gotten has been gold- people I would never suspect of having affairs, or big/small bank accounts, or of conspiring to take down a friends business. Right now there are 9 machines, at one point it was near 30. Some were reapplied a few times, but most people are security lazy. It's a really dangerous addiction and I try not to, but sometimes I'm up all night looking over the shoulders of multiple peoples lives. I have used it to get information on businesses I wanted contracts with, I have used it to get a better job, more than once I have manipulated my larger circle of friends to eliminate people I didn't like, and to shitstir and gaslight others.

End of may, my ex girlfriend started cheating on her husband. I have followed it all. They organise everything by anonymous email so there's no call logs or sms messages, but I have all the details I need. Her husband stands to inherit a shitload of cash (and likes lots of leather bear on bear action and gay cruising sites which is why she may be cheating) and the guy she's cheating with is married and loaded and I'm getting really tempted to blackmail them all. So tempted I rented a car a few days ago, sat down the street and got snaps of her saying goodbye to the new guy in her dressing gown. A few of them came out really, really nicely- gallery quality stuff, especially the lingering kiss.

quote:

I have a friend who became homeless after he was fired from Amazon. For 3 years, I let him crash at my house, rent free. Now, I've got a big house and needed a lot of maintenance done on it, and although he wasn't very good at anything but being a worker drone, he could mow the yard, paint rooms, carry shingles up to the roof while I did all the technical poo poo.

After the second year I figure I'm going to have to let him go do his thing. That was an insane amount of time I spent trying to fix this dude. Drove him to DMV, to jobs I knew would take him. To AA meetings he'd blow off. Then he'd start doing stupid poo poo. He was diabetic and I had an ambulance crew here 5 times to give him glucose because he refused to manage his diabetes. One time he went into one of his comas while the shower was running and I don't even want to get into that. He was getting EBT benefits, Medicaid, the works. It really made me angry at him because he was able bodied and could work and refused to even find a job. The room he stayed in was just a place to put beer cans and dirty laundry because he'd pass out anywhere he wanted if I wasn't home. This infuriated me.

I drive a truck long haul. Having him at the house insured my dog got looked after and the place didn't get robbed. Until I came home and found my dog at the bottom of the stairs in the basement, chained up in the dark for who knows how long. She was ok, just dehydrated. It was time for this guy to go. So I threw him out. Christ, another thing. This guy was loving IRRITATING and always interrupted you and then talk for the next two hours. If you tried to get a word in edgewise he'd yell! It was insane the stones this dude had. Homeless and chesty as hell. Just a total know-it-all rear end in a top hat. Especially when drunk.

He didn't go far. My neighbor across the street took him in. He totally used that lady. She was old and deaf and he just scammed the poo poo out of her. And then he'd come by and try to be chummy with me. Just walk over drunk and say "hey pal let's hang out and drink some brewskis" and I wasn't having any of it.

My neighbor broke her hip and ended up in the hospital for a few months recovering. She hadn't heard from her "boarder" as he didn't bother to visit her. When I went to the rehab hospice she asked me to go see if he was ok and take a look around the house. I go to use the key but the door won't budge. He'd thrown the bolt and I could not gain entry. I knocked on windows, called, tried everything. She's got bars on the windows, and pretty heavy steel doors. I wasn't breaking in.

I saw him on the floor when I climbed up on the garage roof. He looked to be out of it. I climbed back down, got a rock and went to go back up and break a window, or call 911. Either would have worked, in hindsight. Instead, I crossed the street and played with my dog in the yard for a while.

Well. That ate me up. Then I decided that I couldn't do this, that I had to get in that house and get him help. I go back over, climb that spiky rear end holly tree and get up on the roof again and he's not where I last saw him. He's nowhere to be seen. I knock, call, no answer. I figure he's moved, maybe he was just drunk passed out. So I put it out of my mind.

I come home a week later and my other neighbor tells me "her daughter found your friend dead inside the house." He died from slipping into a low sugar coma. I guess I feel guilty because looking back on it, with the actions and inactions, I subconsciously wanted him to die. So I did. But I don't miss him at all.

# ? Oct 12, 2016 00:21

Abugadu: Jul 12, 2004; 1st Sgt. Matthews and the men have Procured for me a cummerbund from a traveling gypsy, who screeched Victory shall come at a Terrible price. i am Honored.

lol at #1
*at nursing home*
"so what did you do with your life?"
"well, I was a piece of poo poo that ruined as many people around me as possible"

Guy #2: why would you start with 'I have a friend' when he's not your friend and also he's dead

# ? Oct 12, 2016 01:40

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

I still say "my buddy/friend" when referring to my dead friends. I don't think it's that weird. The having the key to the house, but not the deadbolt is weird though. Who doesn't have both keys?

# ? Oct 12, 2016 02:02

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Might have been one of those bolts that doesn't have a lock or keyhole and just keeps the door shut until you open it from the inside again

y'know one of these things

# ? Oct 12, 2016 02:05

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

Abugadu posted:

Guy #2: why would you start with 'I have a friend' when he's not your friend and also he's dead

To avoid spoilers, duh.

# ? Oct 12, 2016 02:06

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

loquacius posted:

Might have been one of those bolts that doesn't have a lock or keyhole and just keeps the door shut until you open it from the inside again

y'know one of these things

You can unlock those with a rubber band. Why doesn't everyone have my knowledge of breaking and entering?!

# ? Oct 12, 2016 02:15

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

Solice Kirsk posted:

You can unlock those with a rubber band. Why doesn't everyone have my knowledge of breaking and entering?!

which confessions did you write

# ? Oct 12, 2016 02:45

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

Solice Kirsk posted:

You can unlock those with a rubber band. Why doesn't everyone have my knowledge of breaking and entering?!

You definitely cannot, unless the door is hung super super lovely. What the gently caress are you talking about?

# ? Oct 12, 2016 03:04

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

food court bailiff posted:

You definitely cannot, unless the door is hung super super lovely. What the gently caress are you talking about?

Yeah, that one you can't because it has the groove on the top specifically to stop that work around. Those I think you have to use string and a lot of time/luck to snag and manipulate.

# ? Oct 12, 2016 03:12

Harakiri Potter: Oct 18, 2004; REACH HEAVEN THROUGH VIOLENCE BABY

He wanted that diabetic to die. Wished it. Left remarks like "irritating" and "know it all". It was just a matter of time until he snapped. That confession reads like https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XU7gnMSzf_c

# ? Oct 12, 2016 05:25

Drunk Nerds: Jan 25, 2011; Just close your eyes; Fun Shoe

Who the hell wears a "dressing gown" in TYOOL 2016?

# ? Oct 12, 2016 05:44

Cactus Ghost: Dec 20, 2003; you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc

the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack

Drunk Nerds posted:

Who the hell wears a "dressing gown" in TYOOL 2016?

someone who just got done fuckin' and hasn't showered yet, so they can't be bothered to put on real clothes just to see someone out the door

some people just call "robes" dressing gowns i think

# ? Oct 12, 2016 06:30

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Don't feel bad for letting lovely people die, the world doesn't need them

# ? Oct 12, 2016 08:10

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

new phone who dis posted:

To avoid spoilers, duh.

lol

# ? Oct 12, 2016 08:32

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

I think "dressing gown" is British English. It came up a lot in the Hitchhiker's Guide series anyway
:goonsay:

Anyway

quote:

I was really interested in magic as a kid - stage magic, not like Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings magic. I watched it on TV and read every book I could on how to perform the tricks. I was never really any good - I was too awkward a kid to expertly pull off sleight of hand, and not smart enough or handy enough to build some of the more elaborate tricks.

But I did come up with one trick. It was a variation on a simple stacking cups trick - there are 3 plastic cups and a rubber ball. You do some tricks where it looks like the ball moves around from cup to cup. The trick is you also have a foam ball that can be squished and placed between the cups so nobody notices it. Simple stuff. I wanted to make a bigger, better version. I used a basketball, a foam basketball that I made sure matched the real one almost exactly, and 3 garbage cans. I showed it off during my sister's birthday party, and it went fine. The big makes it seem like the basketball passes through the cans, via the trick of putting the foam ball between 2 cans and squishing it down. It worked perfectly.

I dragged the cans back down to the garage and separated them to grab the foam ball. The ball was gone. I have no Earthly explanation for where that ball went and I spent days looking for it everywhere, thinking it somehow slipped out.

I realize this is a stupid confession but it still freaks me out a bit when I think about it.

yer a wizard arry

quote:

I was a major latchkey kid growing up - no siblings and my parents both worked odd shifts for their jobs. I'd usually come home to an empty house, or wake up on my own and go to school, and sometimes I'd go to bed on my own and spend most of the night alone in the house. It was just how it was.

I went to go see "Blair Witch" with my friends, expecting a nice night at the movies with a horror movie. Here's a spoiler warning - at the end of the movie, there's a scene where they end up in the attic of a house and a bright white light shines in on them, then this long limbed monster, presumably the witch, attacks them.

I had a panic attack when the white lights started, something that has never ever happened to me. I made it through the movie but as we were leaving, I passed out in the lobby and my friends took me to the ER. I got a clean bill of health, but was bothered by the fact that the scene freaked me out so much - I'm usually not bothered by horror movies. Then I figured it out - that attic looked a LOT like my family's attic. I started thinking that something like that scene may have happened to me.

I drove home the following day to ask my parents if there was ever a helicopter that landed near the house to explain the lights and to take a look at the attic. They couldn't remember anything but again, latchkey kid home alone a lot. So I went up in the attic and started looking around. I had bits of a memory, but I wasn't sure what was childhood imagination or the movie bleeding into my thoughts, and what was reality. But the memory I did have was really disturbing, so I hoped it wasn't true.

I was having trouble sleeping at night now, thinking about what *might* have happened to me, so I made an appointment with a psychiatrist. I had never been to one, and expected that she'd hypnotize me or something to dig into my memories. That's apparently fiction for TV, but she did lead me through some calming exercises to help remember what really happened. And holy poo poo. I am going to write down the confirmed facts, then in brackets put my unconfirmed memories, if that makes sense.

On the day in question, I get home from school to an empty house. I do my homework, watch TV, and get ready for bed. [I'm brushing my teeth and hear a raccoon has gotten into the attic, so I head up there to shoo it out the window]. I open the panel leading to the attic and leave it open, then climb up there. [I hunt for the raccoon and don't have any luck finding it. While I'm up there, I hear what I assume is a low flying plane. The house shakes a little bit, like it does when this happens.] Several things fall off shelves or the wall, including a family portrait and my dad's favorite mug. [The attic is now suddenly full of white light and I hear movement behind me. I don't even have time to turn around.] My dad gets home after 2 am, and I'm asleep on the couch covered in mud. The attic panel is still open and things are on the floor from before.

For obvious reasons I haven't told a single person this story beyond my parents and my psychiatrist.

# ? Oct 12, 2016 15:09

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# ? May 9, 2024 23:36

HiHo ChiRho: Oct 23, 2010

So the Blair Witch is an alien. It all makes sense now

# ? Oct 12, 2016 15:56

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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