Rondette posted:

I've heard there is also a bit of a culture of 'Lesbian Tourism' where a girl will try it out in a sort of tee hee I'm a LESBIAN, mom and dad! way and then dump the relationship once they get bored of it/grow out of their rebellious phase.

When you're looking for a genuine steady and meaningful relationship I can imagine that'd get pretty drat annoying and depressing.

Gaunab posted:

Like some women dating black men.

Chomp8645 posted:

Wow the surprise force feeding attempt was really out of left field.

Chomp8645 posted:

Rondette posted:

I've heard there is also a bit of a culture of 'Lesbian Tourism' where a girl will try it out in a sort of tee hee I'm a LESBIAN, mom and dad! way and then dump the relationship once they get bored of it/grow out of their rebellious phase.

When you're looking for a genuine steady and meaningful relationship I can imagine that'd get pretty drat annoying and depressing.

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

That's still judgmental and stupid. Some people are bisexual.

loquacius posted:

Do they at least hook up with women, I've heard that's a common bi thing (hooking up with same gender, dating other gender)

Gaunab posted:

Like some women dating black men.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

china bot posted:

I think I'm seeing a trend here...

Humans

are

bad

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

When I got home the next day, he'd actually gone and cooked an entire chicken "for us". He asked me if I'd eat it. It was so surreal: him stood at the kitchen counter with this cooked chicken asking me to eat it when he's never known me to eat meat, as if we hasn't been arguing about this at all.
(...)
I guess he went a little nuts. I still can't really believe this happened, but he grabbed me by my hair at the back on my head and with another hand tried to force chicken into my mouth.

phasmid posted:

No poo poo, I have had the topic come up at bars (which is still kinda rude). I'd be with some guy and some hag would drone on and on about how cute us gay boys were, but I'd open my big mouth and say I was bi. Tbh, guys tend not to mind so much in my experience. I've had several 'ladies' get upset that I was 'on the fence'. So your sexuality as a bisexual is invalid, basically. If you're anything else you were born like this but if you like both holy poo poo, choose a side, whore!

It is my firm belief that these views are the result of people writing off 50% of the earth's fuckable people, causing resentment.

phasmid posted:

No poo poo, I have had the topic come up at bars (which is still kinda rude). I'd be with some guy and some hag would drone on and on about how cute us gay boys were, but I'd open my big mouth and say I was bi. Tbh, guys tend not to mind so much in my experience. I've had several 'ladies' get upset that I was 'on the fence'. So your sexuality as a bisexual is invalid, basically. If you're anything else you were born like this but if you like both holy poo poo, choose a side, whore!

It is my firm belief that these views are the result of people writing off 50% of the earth's fuckable people, causing resentment.

china bot posted:

I think I'm seeing a trend here...

Humans

are

bad

Zahgaegun posted:

All you gay-bi-black-white-seriousposters need to choke on a dick because you're drowning out the funny parts.

quote:

We have been engaged for six months. We bought a house together a few months ago and have been dating for five years.

I've changed a lot throughout the relationship and have such a better idea now of what I'm looking for in a life partner than I did in my early 20's.

We've had a lot of happiness together during our relationship but I've become concerned about our compatibility. We bought a house in a college town for his work which I thought I was okay with, but whenever I visit cities I get sad that I will never live in one with him.

He also rarely says please to others and sometimes says thank you. I've discussed this with him and how being well mannered has become something that I've realized is essential for me in a relationship. For servers, he said why should he thank them every time when they're just doing their job? I'm also very sensitive and he is not at all. He tells me to pull myself together sometimes if I'm crying about something that upset me and he doesn't think it's that upsetting.

He also dislikes my parents so we barely spend time with them as a couple. We got in a fight last night because he said he was dreading thanksgiving dinner with them. My parents are awkward and the dynamic is completely different than his family, but they're good people. It hurts my feelings that he dreads going when we live a few hours away and don't see them often.

I also feel like I'm always the one compromising in how we spend our time. He's a homebody and while I'm also an introvert I love going out with my SO or a friend to restaurants, movies, festivals, etc. we end up spending a lot of our free time at home where he likes to read stuff on his phone or play video games. I respect that but it leaves me feeling lonely and unfulfilled lately .

any advice? How does one even get out of a situation where two unmarried people bought a house together if that is what it comes down to?

tl;dr: Engaged for 6 months. Bought a home together a few months ago. Dated 5 years. Having serious relationship doubts.

WampaLord posted:

Me 28f with my fiance 30m Recently bought a house but I've since realized were incompatible.

quote:

My husband [30M] asked me who I [25F] love more: him or our daughter [3F]. Now he is mad because of my answer

I'm Spanish so yea, English's not brilliant. I'm from a family with a huge "love your children" mentality. All my life, I've heard from my mother (and she had heard it from her mother/my grandma and so on) I'm her priority and the person she loves the most. What I mean is that on my culture it's normal to love more your children than your husband.

So I married my husband and when he asked me about children for the first time, I told him that I can be slightly different than the majority of women (or not? I don't know if this is global or cultural) but that I'm pretty sure I'm going to love my children a lot and they will always come first, just like my mother raised me. He said he was ok with it and he agreed on me with that. I was surprised but I was really happy!

When I saw my daughter for the first time, I completely understood what my mother meant and how that type of love was incomparable. She was the cutest little person I've ever seen and I cried tears of joy when I had her. I always wanted to be a mother and knowing I had such a perfect healthy baby was a dream come true.

Yesterday, my husband began to talk a lot and suddenly asked me who I loved more: him or her. I told him he already knew the answer. He was really mad and told me he couldn't be with someone who didn't love him the most and how could I love more someone I only know for 3 years (lol) than him who I've known for 10. I told him I had informed him of what was going to happen and that he should have told me by that time he wasn't ok with it and we should part ways because of our incompatibility. That it wasn't fair of him of accusing me of something I've already explained to me. Then he said "I still love you more than her, so you should love me more than you love her too". I told him it wasn't like that and then I also said he just wanted to argue with me because he asked me something he already knew the answer of just to shout at me. He went away and he hasn't come back yet.

So, Reddit, what should I do?

tl;dr: Always told my husband I was going to love our children more and they would be my priority because all I wanted and still want is to be a mother. He said he shared the same views with me. Now he asked me who I love more: him or our daughter. When I said our daughter he was really mad and told me he still loved me more so I should love him more too. I think he was just trying to argue with me because he decided to ask something he already knew the answer. He went away and hasn't come back yet. So, what should I do?

quote:

Me [35 M] struggling with repeated deception from my wife [35 F] of 5 years.

Summary:

In the beginning, she and I are dating, the normal courting process, dinner, dancing, getting to know each other etc. things could not have been going better, I’m talking ROM-COM fairy tale stuff.

A few months in she pulls me aside and tells me she might have an STD from a one night stand she had a few months before meeting me.

The guy who she had hooked up with contacted her out of the blue alleging this and she felt I had the right to know because this could impact me if true (she had just gotten the call that afternoon while at work).

Her and I had both come out of relationships earlier in the year where we had been cheated on, and truthfully, we clicked on a level I had never experienced even though we were both cautious going in.

I was extra cautious because she was also fully up front about having an affair in her marriage (she got married young, and owned up to what she had done, and truthfully, I respected the full disclosure).

Everything that needed to be there for two people to click was present, I know it sounds cliché but that really is how it was for us in the beginning, we both really found the person who we had always been looking for.

So, when she dropped this on me, I didn't flinch, I told her I'm committed to see where this was going and from that day forward we entered into a relationship and were married a bit thereafter.

Like any couple we had ups and downs, but truthfully in 4 years, we never actually had what most would call a real fight, life was drat good.

Fast forward about 4 years and my life gets turned upside down.

I take a job in the corporate sector that requires me to travel and honestly, I threw myself at my work and did not devote as much time to our relationship as I should have.

In the process of finding balance between work and home a year later, some things started to come to light.

She had been having a stressful time at work herself and had been going out with a male coworker to "vent".

At first I was ok with this, I had no reason to not trust her, but then red flags started to pop up.

Only certain meetings were communicated, others left out, and then I started seeing very suggestive exchanges between them on social media.

I confronted her and she swore there was nothing to it but my gut feeling told me I was being lied to so I questioned her on something very specific and she blatantly lied to me about it.

After I called her out on it she said she was worried that she would lose me because nothing was happening and she did not want to destroy our relationship over me potentially overreacting.

We get through this, then a few months later red flag #2.

I find out her ex (who had cheated on her in the relationship before me), is on her social media accounts.

From day one the amount of hatred she had expressed for him was immense, so much so that she would not even speak his name in any context or form.

Truthfully, it was a pretty hurtful breakup, she found out he was a married man living a dual life and he was very cruel to her when his lies were exposed.

So, you can imagine my shock when a man who's name she would not even speak for 4 years, someone she literally said she wished harm upon, is there on her social media commenting on her morning selfie pictures going back a couple years into our relationship.

I tried to take the mature approach to this, she needed closure, she found forgiveness, she was curious what he was up to etc.

Hell, we have all looked up our exes at one time or another, but why profess disgust and hatred, yet hide his name from me and then in turn keep him in a (remote capacity) part of your life?

Again, her excuse was similar to the first red flag, it did not mean anything, we never communicated directly, “he just sent me a friend request one day out of the blue and I said whatever because I no longer felt anything towards him good or bad”.

So, I'm finally reaching a point where I'm starting to believe that yes, she does not look at these things the same way I do and am ready to just move on.

Then I find out that during our dating period that she was actually dating other men, despite telling me this had not happened in our courting period.

And then the final red flag, Mr. one night stand/STD (that supposedly occurred after her break up and a month before we met) got multiple dates, one of which was the night right before her and I were intimate for the first time.

She swore up and down that they had slept together prior to meeting me, these other dates were just normal dinner and drinks and her main reason for going out on them was she was afraid to be burned by putting all of her eggs in one basket so to speak (this is what had happed with the married guy who played her).

I understand this and can accept this, but here is the problem:

None of these revelations were offered up freely.

Each and every time I had to literally expose her lies with things I had found out over time, and unless painted into a corner with no room to flee, she would not own up to anything of her own free will.

Being lied to screws up a person's mind, badly.

Because you never know what else is out there or if you ever fully get the truth once they “confess”.

We are now literally at the crossroads of a divorce because of this, I told her in the beginning and I have reinforced year after year that I can forgive any mistake but not continued deception.

TL;DR

Deep down inside I believe one of two things:

She has screwed up multiple times due to her own insecurities and put herself in compromising positions but nothing happened and I am unable to trust her due to being burned over and over.

Or, she was sleeping with the two of us in the beginning and/or screwed around with her co-worker and is deathly afraid to come clean because she thinks I will walk.

The thing is, and I have literally said this at the point of having tears in my eyes, I am here to make this work I just need the truth once and for all.

***Side note, I asked her if she would be willing to take a polygraph, she said she would but I also know she has and will bluff until the 11th hour so to speak, I just don’t know what to believe anymore more.

quote:

I [18F] don't know if I should report my mum's [53F] friend [50sM] for owning 80 guinea pigs

phasmid posted:

Wanna gently caress and bring no offspring into this cursed world?

Jack Trades posted:

Wait, did I read that right? It took her 5 years to realize that maybe they weren't compatible together?

quote:

Apparently, my parents never taught me how to be a real man and I have no idea how to treat a woman.

My contrasting perspective is that my exgirlfriend was trying to use me for an apartment. When she misrepresented her finances, either intentionally or unintentionally, while trying to get me to sign a lease, I interpreted this as a form of extortion. She repeatedly told me she could afford an apartment. A year later, she still lives with her parents and can't afford a checking account.

After we had broken up, she demanded that I buy her dinner. I told her absolutely not outside the restaurant. She still decided to go inside. After she finished her meal she again asked me to pay. I again told her no and she started crying and said I wasn't a gentleman.
I think there's nothing wrong with adhering to gender roles from the 1950s if that's what a couple wants to do. In this case, we had practiced current gender norms for about four years. When she decided it was time to be serious, her interpretation of gender norms seemed to turn on a dime.

If my partner needs financial assistance, I don't mind helping. I do have an issue with that being the default position in our twenties while we're trying to buy a house and eventually support kids. I'm sympathetic to the additional work a mother often does and have no issue being financially supportive in that way. I do have an issue with someone misrepresenting themselves and trying to bully me when they think I've got no other options.

I'm no longer pursuing anything with the exgirlfriend and we also don't speak. I just remain confused by the experience. I don't want to have trust issues going into a new relationship. Does it sound like I'm completely missing something here? I just want a sense of closure.

tl;dr: My[28M] ex-girlfriend[25F] switched her view on gender norms about 4 years into the relationship to something like the 1950s. I'm trying to figure out why someone would hide their preferences until I was very committed. How can I move on and trust someone in a new relationship?

WampaLord posted:

Me 28f with my fiance 30m Recently bought a house but I've since realized were incompatible.

quote:

Me [43 M] with my gf [43 F] - she is a former serial cheater and self proclaimed slut, can she ever change?

Now I've never called her a slut, those are her words (before everyone slams me), but she says she knows "she is." She has only had two relationships ever where she never cheated or had back ups on the side. She cheated on her ex-husband for their entire relationship. She estimates she's slept with roughly 300-400 men, and over a hundred were when she was married (married 15 years). Some affairs, some one nighter, etc. two years ago she left him, and started therapy for it. Since thn she was faithful to her guy, but def got very busy when they would break up (2-4 new guys in a week at times). But, didn't cheat on him or her first husband.

We are totally in love head over heels both never been here before like this. I believe her. I just wonder if she is feeling things stronger because she doesn't have her attention divided right now (I believe she is true to me so far). I get nervous though at some point she will get bored, and seek out attention or sex from other sources. Worried I'm setting myself up to fail.

So women who have an active past, or men who have married ones who did, do they really ever change, or am I setting myself up for failure? I do believe people can change, but this is a major part of her life and who she is. While she does have regret, she also often proudly boasts of sexual encounters and the like. Just nervous and scared! Any help appreciated!

Edit- she has been in therapy over two years. A committed loving relationship is her life goal right now. Cheating never made her feel good despite how often she did it. Want to give her the benefit of the doubt she can and has changed, just not sure it's possible when someone has had this kind of past....

** Tldr/ : do self proclaimed sluts really ever change?

Gaunab posted:

china bot posted:

unfortunately there are some people - it is called satyriasis in men, nymphomania in women - who engage in sex compulsively and without joy. these unfortunate souls cannot love in the true sense of the word. Our mutual acquaintance GF (43 F) is one of these.

Gaunab posted:

china bot posted:

unfortunately there are some people - it is called satyriasis in men, nymphomania in women - who engage in sex compulsively and without joy. these unfortunate souls cannot love in the true sense of the word. Our mutual acquaintance GF (43 F) is one of these.

Troposphere posted:

probably also because it contributes to the narrative of oh you're not really a lesbian you just haven't found the right man yet

subhuman filth posted:

Man, really lovely of them to damage your narrative with their orientation

subhuman filth posted:

Man, really lovely of them to damage your narrative with their orientation

china bot posted:

unfortunately there are some people - it is called satyriasis in men, nymphomania in women - who engage in sex compulsively and without joy. these unfortunate souls cannot love in the true sense of the word. Our mutual acquaintance GF (43 F) is one of these.

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

So you're saying he should cut off his Johnson?