TRUMP: holy FUCK its november 8th

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > TRUMP: holy FUCK its november 8th

Brown Moses: Feb 22, 2002

https://twitter.com/GravisMarketing/status/787504051361570816

https://twitter.com/mmurraypolitics/status/787631436597760001

# ? Oct 16, 2016 13:44

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 27, 2024 10:41

bawk: Mar 31, 2013

Turns out drinking a bottle of port and eating a whole breakfast pizza gives you farts the next day that make your own eyes water

Good morning, daycrew

# ? Oct 16, 2016 13:44

Addamere: Jan 3, 2010; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

thecluckmeme posted:

Turns out drinking a bottle of port and eating a whole breakfast pizza gives you farts the next day that make your own eyes water

Good morning, daycrew

daycrew go home

# ? Oct 16, 2016 13:45

Deptfordx: Dec 23, 2013

A thread from Rpgnet is telling the story of the election as Epic Fantasy.

quote:

The chamberlain stood her ground bravely and increasingly sweatily. "I'm sorry, but the Speaker will not hear any further entreaties from your Lord."

"Why isssss that?" Hissed one of the Don's emissaries, a gaunt spectre of smoke whose black cloak only vaguely defined a human shape. "Does he not ssssspeak for the House of Red? Did he not ssssswear an oath like the rest? Does he presssume to hold the levies of the Red hossstage against us?"

"Great are the Don's armies and overflowing are his vaults, as it is known." The chamberlain made another placatory bow, the mane of her helmet charring beneath the spectre's displeasure. "But...the Words Unbefitting are, well, just that. Many Lords and Ladies of the Red have sent furious remonstrance and some are even withdrawing their banners. The Lord Speaker but speaks for their protests."

The spectre laughed with the sound of wind howling in a tunnel. "Those petty cowardsss will regret their faithlessness when the Don is upon the Oval Throne. But first, perhaps an example will be made..." Quick as a whip, a talon reached from the folds of the black cloak to claw out the chamberlain's heart. But quick as another whip, a staff of pitted steel swerved and barred the spectre's attack.

"Not here, Giuliani." The Don's other emissary croaked. "Not as guests to the House of the Speaker. There is still power here, even if it is not to our liking."

The dethroned Thane of New York hissed and its tenebrous limb vanished back beneath its cloak.

The Wizard Christie rasped a breath of relief and shifted his bulk back against his staff. Two broken lords, dispatched to demand more aid from the Champion's own House. More gold, more levies, more obeisances, ever more. And the Speaker was the only one, who spoke with the voices of enough of them, that the Don could lean on.

His neck was still red and welted under his chins, and his voice was rough and unused from when he was bound to the Don's throne by that damnable girdle. Since a wizards' voice was his power, he was reduced for a time into a mere manservant for the Don's cruel entertainments. He was free now, of course, and frankly too relieved to think who suffered in his place with that abominable thing wrapped around his neck.

(The Golden Girdle of the Don is light as air and almost invisible under bad lighting, as it is a lasso made from joining end-to-end hairs plucked from the Don's own flaxen pompadour. Though hardly a steep occult price, the very nature of the Don's body rejected giving anything of itself so each hair plucked was accompanied by blinding pain, seismic tantrums and the loosing of a thousand terrible omens upon the earth, and so far the Don's court had only managed to fashion enough of a lasso to bind one unlucky vassal.)

Still, he was the lucky one. None would speak of the dreadful price Giuliani paid to maintain his form on the physical plane, and it was rumored that the rusted half-mask that hung over the void of his face was hammered from the remains of his phylactery.

Christie flexed his power and felt his meridians warm and a little of his gift of gab return to himself. Perhaps it will be enough.

"The Don knows his words and has expressly cast his contrition upon the zephyrs, fanned by the burning of a hundred prime oxen, and I know the Lords of the Red have accepted that. Let this incident be past, and let the war against the witch Hillary resume. Or shall we all sit by, out of some scared avoidance of old taboos, and let the House of Blue sweep across the land?"

"In any casssse, why such alarum when the words our Lord spoke of is engraved in the black hearts of all men? I ssssee so plainly now, sssstripped of the shroud of flesh." The spectre Giuliani added, perhaps unhelpfully.

The chamberlain rocked back slightly on her heels and the Wizard Christie could tell that his spell has taken hold. She turned to open the great doors to the Speaker's chamber, but still hesitated. "In truth, it is not that Lord Ryan would not grant the Don's emissaries an audience. He would hear you demand of him his fealty and his voice to speak for the squabbling Lords. But it would not be any use."

"What nonsense do you mean?" Christie asked as they stepped into the chamber. Then they beheld Lord Ryan, seated pensively upon his own throne.

Ryan the Runner he was known, full of wit that could slash to ribbons men and budgets alike, and his power and standing only grew upon taking up the sacred chains of the Speaker, saddled with the responsibility of calling all Lords of the Red to the moot. And many were the lesser Lords who dared not refuse the call, and not only because of the rumor that he could decapitate a man a from thousand miles away with a windborne whisper.

But now, the Wizard Christie recoiled at the grisly sight before him. Even Giuliani seemed taken aback.

The Speaker had sewn his own lips shut.

More Tales of the Beltway Lords here https://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?786458-fanfic-apologies-to-OKS-The-Beltway-Lords-Ride-Again!

# ? Oct 16, 2016 13:46

Phobophilia: Apr 26, 2008; by Hand Knit

just a reminder that trump has admitted to hanging out with anthony gilberthorpe, a known child trafficker

and this is after the stupid trump nambla thing

meme magic is real

pepe is real

and he is my friend

# ? Oct 16, 2016 13:48

misty mountaintop: Jun 2, 2015; by Hand Knit

Timotheous Venture posted:

hol sy poo poo

# ? Oct 16, 2016 13:48

Colosmicon: Jan 5, 2013

Brown Moses posted:

https://twitter.com/GravisMarketing/status/787504051361570816

Et tu, Breitbart

# ? Oct 16, 2016 13:49

exquisite tea: Apr 21, 2007; Carly shook her glass, willing the ice to melt. "You still haven't told me what the mission is."

She leaned forward. "We are going to assassinate the bad men of Hollywood."

I'm gonna be honest here and say that an international globalist conspiracy to prevent the presidency of Donald Trump would give me a much more positive view of the 12-foot lizards that control our government.

# ? Oct 16, 2016 13:52

AbysmalPeptoBismol: Feb 5, 2016; Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea!

The depiction of Ol' Rudy as some form of post-lichdom specter is pretty damned accurate.

# ? Oct 16, 2016 13:55

Brown Moses: Feb 22, 2002

https://twitter.com/samsteinhp/status/787638156937924609

# ? Oct 16, 2016 13:56

Adar: Jul 27, 2001

exquisite tea posted:

I'm gonna be honest here and say that an international globalist conspiracy to prevent the presidency of Donald Trump would give me a much more positive view of the 12-foot lizards that control our government.

# ? Oct 16, 2016 13:57

Astroclassicist: Aug 21, 2015

Brown Moses posted:

https://twitter.com/samsteinhp/status/787638156937924609

But McMentum!

# ? Oct 16, 2016 13:59

bump_fn: Apr 12, 2004; _{two of them}

crashed last night how much worse is the trump campaign now

# ? Oct 16, 2016 14:00

mannerup: Jan 11, 2004; ♬ I Know You're Dying Trying To Figure Me Out♬

♬My Name's On The Tip Of Your Tongue Keep Running Your Mouth♬

♬You Want The Recipe But Can't Handle My Sound My Sound My Sound♬

♬No Matter What You Do Im Gonna Get It Without Ya♬

♬ I Know You Ain't Used To A Female Alpha♬

https://twitter.com/mmurraypolitics/status/787639232915472389

# ? Oct 16, 2016 14:00

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

Nietzschean posted:

i dont watch snl but whomever they have doing hillary is pretty great

Kate McKinnon. She's the best woman on the show since Kristen Wiig, and they have a very strong female cast right now.

# ? Oct 16, 2016 14:01

Slate Action: Feb 13, 2012; by exmarx

bye bye Donny

# ? Oct 16, 2016 14:01

Davros1: Jul 19, 2007; You've got to admit, you are kind of implausible

Nietzschean posted:

im sincerely curious what donald thought would happen when he ran in a presidential campaign, not just against abuela but against anyone

like does he not think oppo research exists or something

He's been surrounded by yes men his entire life. I'm entirely sure that he believed that no one anywhere would ever question anything he said on the campaign.

# ? Oct 16, 2016 14:02

mrmcd: Feb 22, 2003; Pictured: The only good cop (a fictional one).

mannerup posted:

https://twitter.com/mmurraypolitics/status/787639232915472389

Wait doesn't Clinton's margin usually get bigger in a 2-way? :psyduck:

# ? Oct 16, 2016 14:02

bump_fn: Apr 12, 2004; _{two of them}

FactsAreUseless posted:

Kate McKinnon. She's the best woman on the show since Kristen Wiig, and they have a very strong female cast right now.

she's the best cast member period tho i will always have a place in my heart for keenan

# ? Oct 16, 2016 14:03

BrutalistMcDonalds: Oct 4, 2012; Lipstick Apathy

mannerup posted:

https://twitter.com/mmurraypolitics/status/787639232915472389

Two point gain for Hill since the last NBC/WSJ poll. Trump stays flat. Johnson falls one point. Stein flat.

Trump and Clinton each gain a point in H2H.

# ? Oct 16, 2016 14:03

Martout: Aug 8, 2007; None so deprived

mannerup posted:

https://twitter.com/mmurraypolitics/status/787639232915472389

RIGGED!

*click*

# ? Oct 16, 2016 14:03

etalian: Mar 20, 2006

Colosmicon posted:

Et tu, Breitbart

lol

# ? Oct 16, 2016 14:04

FactsAreUseless: Feb 16, 2011

bump_fn posted:

she's the best cast member period tho i will always have a place in my heart for keenan

Yes. I just wanted to single out how good the women on SNL have been for the last few years. Aidy Bryant is also fantastic, she's secretly their second-best performer.

# ? Oct 16, 2016 14:05

tankadillo: Aug 15, 2006

Jeet Heer posted a good twitter essay about how we should just make a truman show for trump on november 8th where he wins the presidency and keep him in that bubble forever for the entertainment of everyone.

https://twitter.com/HeerJeet/status/787501508220727296

# ? Oct 16, 2016 14:07

exquisite tea: Apr 21, 2007; Carly shook her glass, willing the ice to melt. "You still haven't told me what the mission is."

She leaned forward. "We are going to assassinate the bad men of Hollywood."

"The polls don't matter but anyway the election is rigged" -- the GOTV strategy of someone who really thinks they can win.

# ? Oct 16, 2016 14:10

BrutalistMcDonalds: Oct 4, 2012; Lipstick Apathy

also on election day, those johnson and stein numbers will collapse. just watch.

# ? Oct 16, 2016 14:11

more like dICK: Feb 15, 2010; This is inevitable.

tankadillo posted:

Jeet Heer posted a good twitter essay about how we should just make a truman show for trump on november 8th where he wins the presidency and keep him in that bubble forever for the entertainment of everyone.

https://twitter.com/HeerJeet/status/787501508220727296

I think we should let him wallow in the biggest most public failure of his life.

# ? Oct 16, 2016 14:11

etalian: Mar 20, 2006

lol

https://twitter.com/pourmecoffee/status/787633238734958592

# ? Oct 16, 2016 14:12

Dick Milhous Rock!: Aug 9, 1974

etalian posted:

lol

"Isn't there a study out showing rug munching causes throat cancer"

Smdh

# ? Oct 16, 2016 14:12

Martout: Aug 8, 2007; None so deprived

tankadillo posted:

Jeet Heer posted a good twitter essay about how we should just make a truman show for trump on november 8th where he wins the presidency and keep him in that bubble forever for the entertainment of everyone.

https://twitter.com/HeerJeet/status/787501508220727296

duh it's going to be called Trump News Network and it will be like wrestling but for politics that was Trumps plan all along

# ? Oct 16, 2016 14:12

mannerup: Jan 11, 2004; ♬ I Know You're Dying Trying To Figure Me Out♬

♬My Name's On The Tip Of Your Tongue Keep Running Your Mouth♬

♬You Want The Recipe But Can't Handle My Sound My Sound My Sound♬

♬No Matter What You Do Im Gonna Get It Without Ya♬

♬ I Know You Ain't Used To A Female Alpha♬

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/787642321072513024

lol at linking the weekly standard

(also an iphone tweet)

# ? Oct 16, 2016 14:13

YOU A FUCKING HAT: Jun 7, 1979; I CAN'T BE STOPPED OR REASONED WITH

tankadillo posted:

Jeet Heer posted a good twitter essay about how we should just make a truman show for trump on november 8th where he wins the presidency and keep him in that bubble forever for the entertainment of everyone.

https://twitter.com/HeerJeet/status/787501508220727296

The best was a follower suggesting that we declare him "president," then fake nuclear war and rush him into a cramped bunker for the next 8 years.

# ? Oct 16, 2016 14:13

exquisite tea: Apr 21, 2007; Carly shook her glass, willing the ice to melt. "You still haven't told me what the mission is."

She leaned forward. "We are going to assassinate the bad men of Hollywood."

mrmcd posted:

Wait doesn't Clinton's margin usually get bigger in a 2-way?

It's possible that Clinton has now pulled in most of the soft support that was going for Johnson/Stein earlier in the summer and fewer remaining third-party voters out there are going to break for her on election day.

# ? Oct 16, 2016 14:13

YOU A FUCKING HAT: Jun 7, 1979; I CAN'T BE STOPPED OR REASONED WITH

TheOneOutside posted:

"Isn't there a study out showing rug munching causes throat cancer"

Smdh

I can't wait to watch people like this cry on nov 8th.

# ? Oct 16, 2016 14:14

Guy DeBorgore: Apr 6, 1994; Catnip is the opiate of the masses; Soiled Meat

More Americans believe that Earth is being visited by aliens than will vote for Jill Stein.

# ? Oct 16, 2016 14:14

Slate Action: Feb 13, 2012; by exmarx

Crooked & The Gang. I quite like that.

# ? Oct 16, 2016 14:14

exquisite tea: Apr 21, 2007; Carly shook her glass, willing the ice to melt. "You still haven't told me what the mission is."

She leaned forward. "We are going to assassinate the bad men of Hollywood."