Jack Trades posted:

Your age / 2 + 7 is still the rule of thumb I think?

quote:

My bf (32 M) and I (23 F) have been together for 2 years, and living together for almost a year. We have gone through a lot and come out strong but there is always this hurdle.

I should say that I am not all that innocent and have done wild things in college which may not seem acceptable to all such as threesomes. However, he always brings up this issue and tells me that he doesn't want to be with someone like me who have done such things, and he said that he can easily find him an innocent girl. It always makes me feel so bad about myself that I always end up crying and end up with low self esteem.

I just don't understand it as my bf and I even have had threesomes and we lead a very sexually open lifestyle. To me, I was disclosing my past to him because I trusted him and he asked me. I have also been with 6 people (3 were relationships, 3 were flings). He has been with more girls and had threesomes in his past too.

On ways to resolve this? I have tried everything I can think of and have told him that my experiences I shared with him was the best for me that is why I want the present and a future with him. He still believes that my past experiences are always gonna be better despite what I tell him. Is there any suggestions or advice? Much help needed!

TL;DR; My bf (32 M) puts me (23 F) down about my sexual history and now, I have such low self esteem. Is there anything else I can do to resolve this?

quote:

My fiance and I traveled to Connecticut for the holiday to visit my family. It's a family tradition that I was really looking forward to because we hadn't done it in several years. I was especially excited that Charlie (fiance) was coming.

We all stayed in a beach house RIGHT on the water that my parents were renting, which was great because our finances aren't too solid and it meant we wouldn't have to pay for a hotel. Really nice spot and I was happy to be there with my family and my future husband.

While we were there, my mom asked if we would all (her, my dad, my two brothers, my fiance and I) take a walk along the beach and pick up some clam shells that we could use to make stuffed clams at Christmas. Everyone agreed but my fiance said no, he wasn't going to because he didn't want to.

My mom looked kind of shocked and handed him a bag, and said something along the lines of "Just go and pick up a few". Not leaving any room for protest. Charlie got REALLY mad and stormed out. He told me that it was incredibly disrespectful of my mom to treat him like that, and tell him to do something he doesn't want to do.

He has always had an attitude of "If I don't want to do something, I just won't" and I'm used to dealing with it. But it was embarrassing to see him act that way in front of my parents. Especially about something so small as taking a five minute walk along the beach (which is RIGHT OUTSIDE THE DOOR) to pick up a few shells.

When I tried to explain that to him, he got super mad at me too and said I was siding with them. He said he will never again put himself in a situation to be treated like that, and that means never staying with my family again. This really upset me because I truly don't think my mom was doing anything on purpose to disrespect him. We finally talked about it and I said I thought they were both wrong, but Charlie should apologize for acting that way towards my parents. He said he would.

But then at Thanksgiving, my mom said she was thankful that we're a family and we still love each other even though sometimes we don't agree. Charlie was very offended by that and said it was a personal attack on him (???) and so he definitely wasn't going to apologize or say anything.

I got upset as well at this point and said some not-so-nice things in private (I basically called him a baby for being so easily offended and acting like his desires and feelings are the only thing that matter). The rest of the time we stayed there was really uncomfortable for me. He and my mom completely ignored each other.

He insists he's right in feeling disrespected and 100% refuses to say anything to my mom. He says that she should be the one who apologizes to him. I think he should apologize or at least say something to clear the air. He got mad and said my entire family are stuck-up assholes who "always have to be right". He said it doesn't matter what the situation is, nobody ever has the right to "order" him around.

I pointed out that his mom has "ordered" me around plenty of times (had me clean her house, pay for her food, drive her places, one time she asked me to POWER SAND HER DECK) and I've never complained. He said I didn't have to do that stuff and I should've just refused if I didn't want to. BUT I DO THAT STUFF BECAUSE I WANT HER TO LIKE ME.

I don't know what to do. I don't want them to have a strained relationship because of something so small and stupid. I'm really close with my parents, and, well, I want them to like him. They reach out to him and invite him to stuff often, but it's been hard because there's usually a sports game he wants to watch.

Charlie even admits that it's a really small thing she asked him to do, but according to him, it's a HUGE deal that she would tell him to do it after he said he didn't want to. I feel like he's the one being disrespectful, entitled and ungrateful to my parents trying to help us out when we didn't have the money for a hotel.

Advice, reddit? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

tl;dr - my future husband flipped out because my mom told him to do something he didn't feel like doing. Now everything's tense and I'm stuck in the middle. Please help!

loquacius posted:

My boyfriend (32 M) keeps putting me (23 F) down about my sexual history. I don't know what else I can do to resolve this matter?

Dirtbag Diva posted:

Having your fiance get upset at being "disrespected" for being asked to collect clam shells in Connecticut is quite possibly the whitest predicament ever. Collecting....shells...?! What are we, peasants?

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I am a patrician of the third circle and to this I will not stoop.

Dial-a-Dog posted:

at a 34 year old man pitching a tantrum at someone else's mom, how come the next line after stuff like that is never "After a tense car ride home I dropped him at his place and dumped him"

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I am a patrician of the third circle and to this I will not stoop.

Pick posted:

I shall no longer endure your mother's constant barbs of "I love our family" and "all are welcome here." She is a perfidious creature. At your behest, I shall allow her to apologize, but that my dear is the limit.

quote:

My [20m] brother [26m] strongly resents me due to girl issues and has treated my girlfriend poorly. Should I cut off contact with him or is there anything I can to help?

Basically...my brother has never been exactly successful with girls. To be blunt, he's a virgin, has not had a first kiss or gone on a date. He's kind of a nerdy guy, but I'm like a super nerd too. We both play games, read a lot and stuff - main difference between us is that I also have other hobbies like sports and in general talk to girls more, I think. Though I don't know if "talk to girls more" is a symptom or the cause.

Either way, he kind of strongly resents me for talking to girls. He says that it isn't fair and that I shouldn't be able to do that since I'm younger and shorter than him. For some reason the height is a BIG thing for him - I'm about 170cm, he's about 185cm. He questions me every time I mention I'm going to go out and gets kind of strooongly pissed off if I tell him I'm going with my girlfriend. He's been doing this since I was...I want to say 14, but since I entered this relationship[about a year and a half, almost two years now, anniversary coming up soon ] he got way worse. I don't live with him anymore, but he still calls a lot and has been getting upset.

He used to call me in the middle of the night when he felt bad about his girl issues; he had a habit of saying he felt worthless because of not being able to date girls and sometimes calling me around 4am or so in a borderline panic attack to talk to me about it. I told him to stop this because...well, it was one thing to do it when I was younger but now my girlfriend usually sleeps with me. Like even when we don't do anything sex related we just like to sleep together because, hey, cuddling is awesome and I'll fight anyone who disagrees. So I don't like my phone ringing at 4am and told him to stop.

Recently he flew over to visit me(I'm at university) and...well, I kind of got the impression he flew over more to try to date someone than to see me. My girlfriend had a...uh, less than positive impression of him and I can't even disagree with her. She went into super protective mode and was like "OKAY WE'RE KEEPING HIM AWAY FROM YOU" because...well, his behavior in-person got a lot worse than last time I saw him(like two years before) and he kind of looked at me and my girlfriend funny every time we kissed and stuff. He also(and this is according to my girlfriend and a friend of hers) looked at them in ways that made them feel uncomfortable and looked down my girlfriend's shirt while she was bending over to get something.

He used to see a therapist but gave up, parents are of no help in that regard.

Major reason I've kind of reached my limit is that when I confronted him about the looking down my girlfriend's shirt incident he started to cry and say that I was being a terrible person because I was turning the first time he saw boobs into a bad memory. I'm...not exaggerating it. That's exactly what he said. After that I was like "...Okay. I'm done with you" and didn't talk to him until he left. I spent the whole time with my girlfriend to make sure she was okay with everything(she is okay with me, rather hates him though which is more than fair). He also complained that I was apparently having more fun with my other friends than with him and tried to yell at me for it.

I feel bad for him because...there was a time when he was just a really supportive guy and I thought he was awesome. I remember being like 6 and wanting to grow up to being just like him. And now it's like...what happened to you, man? I idolized you, how did it turn out like this? Where's the big brother who had my back and taught me how to handle problems at school? At the same time, the way he's acting is unacceptable so I'm at a point where either he needs to seriously change himself or I can't see him again.

tl;dr: Brother is not good with girls, resents me due to having a girlfriend, acted super creepily toward my girlfriend. I tried getting him into therapy, he gave up and refuses to go back. Is there anything else I can do for him or should I just cut off contact with him?

quote:

My [20m] brother [26m] strongly resents me due to girl issues and has treated my girlfriend poorly. Should I cut off contact with him or is there anything I can to help ?

Old issue...

As an update, I'm 21 now and he's 27. Been a while since I posted! Happened to come home for a week(reading week at university) and saw I was still logged into this throwaway, figured an update might be good in case anyone was curious, and more importantly writing things down tends to give me some clarity.

So, I've unfortunately cut off my brother from my life. Not completely, but that's more to avoid issues than anything else - I still occasionally respond to his texts like once every two weeks or so, but I've stopped talking and hanging out with him. It's just that a less dramatic cutting him off is more effective than a "We're done" talk and avoids many issues.

He attempted to get into therapy again after I bargained with him(said I'd hang out with him a bit more if he did) but he quickly stopped going after saying that his therapy visits just made him feel worse. Later he explained that he felt like the therapist was judging him by trying to find out why he wasn't having success with women. He didn't quite tell me like that, but after filtering through his rants...that is basically what he said. He repeated things like "Felt so judged" and "made it feel like it was my fault" a lot. From what he said, it sounded like the therapist wasn't doing anything wrong in my opinion.

He continued to treat women poorly and...well, put it this way - he went back to college to join a bunch of clubs so he could hang out and meet new people. Couple days later, he mentions the girls were super superficial and on the same breath starts talking about how attractive they were. Says he's just an "emotional sponge" to women, which he described to me as...well, just being a friend. Things like hanging out when a friend is down or buying them a soda when you feel like they had a tough day. The way he described it, it sounded like some kind of hell instead of...well, friendship.

So I come home one week(parents place, tournament was near home rather than university), having just gotten a medal at aforementioned tournament(WOOOO) with girlfriend and friends from the team. We are all in a good mood, I cook food and stuff. He goes to his room in a hurry so I brought him some food I cooked since I know he's awkward in front of new people but might still be hungry. He kind of...not really intentionally, but sort of made me drop the plate by getting on my face and rushing at me, if that makes sense. I was kinda scared.

He went on a semi-incoherent rant about how people like him made him feel terrible, and seeing me with friends/girlfriend/sports was the absolute worst thing for his self-esteem, how I was a terrible brother and things like that. He also called me a normie, which is a thing I wish no one not in high school said unironically. Overall he was being very negative and...well, a jerk, so I was like "Okay" and went downstairs to spend time with friends.

Later we went back to our university town(sorry for being vague - just on the super unlikely case he's reading this since he's biiiiiig on reading reddit...well then again guess he'd know from context anyway so I guess I'm just being paranoid) and started having a party there. I say party, but c'mon, we're the fencing team - we're the nerdiest of athletes. It was actually just friends hanging out with some girly drinks(I proudly love girly drinks they are the best thing) pizza and One Punch Man. I'm having a blast and he calls, asked what I was doing, and when I answered he started crying and going on a rant about how it was unfair that people like me got to have that.

I...don't even know what "people like me" means.

But either way, he was having too much of an effect on my life and my girlfriend got so sad worrying about me I figured that taking care of my brother wasn't selfless - not now that I'm sharing my life with someone[been living with her for a year now and dating her for over two ]. I wanted to be a nice, loving brother and to care over his mental state over my own...but even if I wanted that, I can't possibly care for his mental state over my girlfriend's. And she got way too sad watching me. I had to be a little selfish.

So...yeah. Nothing overly dramatic, just kind of did some growing up and realized that nothing ever affects only me, because I'm surrounded by wonderful friends and loved ones. So I put up some(a lot) of distance between brother and I and I've never been so happy.

Hurts to distance myself from the brother I've always admired. Like...when I was little, I wanted to be just like him, you know? But now...gently caress. It is what it is. Looking back doesn't get me anywhere, right?

Or how my coach puts it, "looking back is literally against the rules so like don't do it." For some reason thinking that always puts a smile on my face

tl;dr: Cut brother off after he tried to spoil tournament afterparty and I saw how much my stress was making my girlfriend sad. Am happy now.

quote:

An embarrassing question for sure. After two weeks of living together, I've (32f) discovered that my husband (32m) is a pretty severe bed wetter. He will not talk about it and I want to help him but don't know what to do.

--and since the title was getting long--I very frankly don't want to be pee'd on.

Very quick backstory...this is my second marriage and his first. No kids. We met about 6 years ago, stayed friends and then sort of gradually slipped into dating. He was very sexual right up front which I appreciated but he also never wanted to to stay over or for me to stay over at his place. We went on several vacations where we would share a hotel room and I would always wake up to find him sleeping on the floor or couch if available. He always said it was from PTSD (he's an Iraq veteran who saw some serious stuff). But otherwise everything was great.

I wanted to move in with him but he said that he always envisioned being married first and that he wanted the place we moved into to be "our" place. I figured it was that was ok and far from a deal breaker.

Basically...to wrap that up...nothing about that seemed weird to me.

We got married two weekends ago in a very small ceremony at a national park near our town. We stayed in a hotel over the weekend and I woke up to find him on the couch. The Wednesday following we moved into the house I had rented for us. It's been unseasonably hot here and he wanted to get moved in a day...so literally he and his brother and friend worked for about 32 hours strait to get things moved from both of our houses. I've never seen him so tired and he completely passed out. In the morning I woke up to two weird things...him in bed with me and the bed being soaked.

I didn't want to wake him and I really wanted to assume it was sweat so I let it go. The next night he slept on the couch because he got home late but the night after that he slept with me and again the bed was soaked. This time it was unmistakably urine. I woke him and asked him if he'd had a bad dream, he said no and I very gently asked if he'd had some sort of accident. He bolted out of bed and accused me of wanting to start a fight, that he'd spilled water on the bed and he was being courteous to me by not waking me to clean it up.

I washed the sheets that day and actually had to rewash them with natures miracle, the odor was so strong.

He had to work overnight the next three nights but the next night I again woke up to the unmistakable odor of urine. I told him, again gently, that obviously something is going on and he tried to blame it on being "clumsy" when he got up to get water in the middle of the night. I didn't have time to get into it that morning so I left for work, didn't see him because of work for two days (normal, we often work opposing schedules, me: bakery owner and him: civilian test engineer working for military).

Next night we slept together (last night), again it was urine but this time soaking the bed and had actually made my pajamas wet. I woke him up and said we really need to talk and that I wasn't judging him, but I wanted him to be honest with me about what was happening. He screamed at me that he I was being a "c--t" and not understanding that sometimes he trips in the middle of the night while holding water. I yelled back at him that he could "get the f--- out" if he chooses to call me names and that I saw no future if he can't be honest. He stormed out and I haven't seen nor heard from and he's blocked me from seeing his location on iphone.

I think the fight this morning is recoverable, it's happnened before that we've had bad fights...but I don't know about him lying about the bed wetting. I want to help him if possible, if it's something that comes from his PTSD then certainly we can work around it or get him help. But I don't like the dishonesty.

I'm wondering what advice people on this sub might have. Do I press further or just let it go? We have a three bedroom house and I'm not opposed to either one of us sleeping in separate rooms/beds but I NEED there to be honestly over this subject, even if it embarrasses him.

tl;dr: After about two weeks of living together, I've discovered my newly wed husband is a bed wetter. He violently denies it and I don't know how to handle it.

loquacius posted:

My boyfriend (32 M) keeps putting me (23 F) down about my sexual history. I don't know what else I can do to resolve this matter?


(24f) Stuck between my fiance (34m) and my mom (50f)


(that said, my wife and I have an age gap of 4.5 years and barely qualified for this rule when we started dating, so I shouldn't cast the first stone here)

Dial-a-Dog posted:

Check this out, two people who are actually the same age

I get that some people get married without living together first, but how on earth do you get that far without ever even staying the night at each other's places? Eventually you've got to assume you're dating a serial killer or Batman right

Also lol at "sometimes I trip and spill water all over the bed and don't want to wake you stop clumsyshaming me"

Dial-a-Dog posted:

Also lol at "sometimes I trip and spill water all over the bed and don't want to wake you stop clumsyshaming me"

Gaunab posted:

Dial-a-Dog posted:

Check this out, two people who are actually the same age

I get that some people get married without living together first, but how on earth do you get that far without ever even staying the night at each other's places? Eventually you've got to assume you're dating a serial killer or Batman right

Also lol at "sometimes I trip and spill water all over the bed and don't want to wake you stop clumsyshaming me"

scrubs season six posted:

I piss the bed all the time but it's because I'm drunk as poo poo. But luckily my gf is a super sound sleeper so I just drag her onto the wet spot and she wakes up later thinking she did it.

quote:

I [25 F] think my boyfriend [27 M] is trying to get me pregnant.

I'm a single mother to a beautiful 7 year old daughter. I've always wanted to have more kids but given my past relationships and being diagnosed with both Endometriosis & Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, it just doesn't seem possible. I have been able to get pregnant, but miscarried.

My boyfriend knows this. We've only been seeing each other for about 2 months but I've basically told him everything about my life and he has as well. We've had some amazing conversations. The mental connection we have is really strong. Now ever since we met, he's always explained his need/want to be a father, whether it's his kid or not. There was one time where he explained that he worries about my conditions and the fact that there could be a possibility of me not being able to have any more kids. I just told him that we'd worry about that later on down the road.

Now I'm realizing that every time we're together, he talks about us having kids. Not as in a way where he's saying "let's have kids" but he says things like "our kids would be beautiful" or things along those lines. I've made jokes about how I'm not just a "breeding machine" literally just laughing it off, but now I'm wondering if that's what he thinks of me.

Last night, I stayed the night with him. Everything was great and we started to have sex. I'm sorry but this is the point where it gets a little TMI... but at the "end" he told me he was going to finish inside of me. I didn't say anything as technically right now I'm on 3 different types of birth controls due to my conditions, so I'm not really worried about it. But then after, he literally stayed inside me for about 20 minutes. It got really weird and uncomfortable. I tried "squeezing" him out and he'd just push in deeper. I didn't say anything because I didn't even know what to say. Afterwards though we were laying down and I was half asleep, but I heard him say something about "breeding."

I'm just really confused as how to approach this. I mean, I don't really want to go up to him and just say "Hey, I'm not a breeding machine. Treat me with respect." He knows that I do want more kids, more than anything, but considering we've only been seeing each other for about 2 months, it's just wayyyy too soon. He also knows that even though I'm pro-choice, I would keep the baby if I were to get pregnant, no matter what the situation. I'm just really weirded out now and I don't know how to handle this.

tl;dr: I think my boyfriend might be trying to get me pregnant. I'm weirded out and uncomfortable, but don't know how to approach him to talk about it.

Gaunab posted:

Gaunab posted:

Gaunab posted:

Pick posted:

was that man's name granos because call the police

Leon Einstein posted:

My wife is 6 years younger than me. Am I the creepy old guy?

quote:

My [35F] boyfriend [36M] constantly harasses me about browsing reddit and wastes all our money on another site

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years (living together for 6 months) and usually he's pretty relaxed and sweet but our relationship has one sticking point which is our preferences in internet forums. I browse reddit (throwaway even though I don't post on my main account anyway) and he uses another forum called SA. It shouldn't be a problem but 1) he has a tantrum every time he sees me browsing reddit and 2) he spends hundreds of dollars (we don't have that much spare money) buying display pictures and signing up when he gets banned. He makes snarky comments about how reddit is for dumb children and pedophiles if he sees it open on my laptop. I usually just ignore it but if I try to defend it he will get really mad and make a big deal about it and tell me to stop using reddit. Last time I did this he called me a piss bitch. I don't care that he uses a different forum but he is literally making us bankrupt with the amount of money he wastes on display pictures and new accounts for SA, at least $100 every month which he justifies as "supporting his forums". I quit smoking because we couldn't afford it and it was my biggest recreational expense and I suggested he could do something else to help make rent and he wouldn't even discuss this expense with me. He's so stubborn on the issue and it is really affecting the relationship but I feel like breaking up with him would be overreacting. How do I deal with the situation?
TL;DR my boyfriend hates that I use Reddit and is bankrupting us.

Day Man posted:

Did you start dating her when you were 24 or under? If so, yes.

54 40 or gently caress posted:

I absolutely do not believe that wasn't written by someone browsing this very thread