Gaunab posted:

Gaunab posted:

Smelly food dude

quote:

I (28F) did a very foolish thing and got involved with my roommate (34M) of 5 years. He dumped me after a week, and I’ve gone level-11 crazy.

Throwaway, because, honestly, I can imagine that I'll get some well deserved hate, and would rather have some modicum of anonymity. This is long, I’m so sorry. And it’s a hot mess. And please believe me, I do not need you to tell me that I was a fool and I had this coming. I already know. But I am becoming that crazy woman, and I need help.

And this is relevant: our tenant laws here are very strict. We're on a month to month lease, but we can't just be evicted. You have to do very specific things to be evicted. And we're both very good tenants. Our landlord adores the both of us.

So my roommate “Hugh” and I have been living together for 5 years. I live upstairs with another woman (only been here a year, but she's lovely). Hugh has an English basement downstairs that’s separated by the laundry room.

There had always been this chemistry and attraction between Hugh and me. We became really good friends over the years, and there had been some close calls, but we never did anything because of timing and the fact that we were living together.

But then four months ago, Hugh had recently ended things with a casual FWB, and had been a bit bummed about it. We went on a weekend vacation together, and five years of tension just became too much to ignore. I had concerns that he wasn’t over his FWB, gave him plenty of outs, but he assured me that I was what he wanted, the timing was right, that he was serious and wanted something significant, and he pursued me hard. We didn't have penetrative sex, but definitely orgasms and nakedness.

When we got back home, we spent a lot of time together for an entire week, he was constantly telling me how happy he was, how it had been a long time coming, how I lined up with everything he wanted.

After a week and a blow job, the dynamic began to feel different. I could tell he was pulling away. And a day after the change, he came upstairs, sat me down, and told me it wasn’t working. That living together was too strange. I said that we could make more boundaries, but he was unwilling, and then came out that he really just wasn’t interested in me enough to pursue a relationship, and that he had had to experience it to realize it.

I was pretty floored, but of course didn’t want to be with someone who didn’t want to be with me. I had a feeling that he wasn’t over the FWB, but he was adamant about how that wasn’t it, that the living situation was just too strange, but that he was glad that “we ended it before we went too far and now things could go back to the way they used to be.” A blow job apparently wasn’t too far for him. I told him flat out that was impossible, but I didn't know what that meant for the future and needed time.

Things of course were incredibly awkward afterwards, and I didn’t really know how to handle the situation, so I just avoided it, and tried to be as adult about it as I could.

A week later, he went off to another vacation, and instead of asking me to feed his cats as he usually does, he had an ex-girlfriend (we’ll call Leslie, and I always liked her) come over to do it. So what happened? After she fed the cats, she came upstairs, and said, "Hugh is a loving rear end in a top hat."

We popped open a bottle of wine, and we talked for two hours about everything that happened.

Turns out, surprise! He wasn’t over the FWB! He was actually every night calling Leslie and sobbing to her about how much he missed the FWB, and then would come upstairs all smiles and tell me how happy he was that we were finally together, and then go back down and sob again to Leslie. (You should know, that after he broke up with Leslie, he’d come upstairs all the time and talk to me about how sad he was that he had hurt her.)

When Hugh asked Leslie to feed the cats, she asked, “Why can’t [OP] just do it? She actually lives with you.”

“Well, we had a little thing, it’s no big deal, but it’s just a little awkward right now.”

I was even more stunned now, but it made sense. Leslie told me she was furious at Hugh and THAT I HAD BEEN HIS LAST FRIEND -- which WHAT? I feel like the last 5 years were a fantasy, and that I did not know this guy at all, and yet all the signs were there, I just chose not to see them. I felt guilty for not trusting my instincts, and overriding my gut. I genuinely felt like I had dodged a bullet, and was glad to not be with him, and didn't want to touch that ever again.

He came up a couple weeks later and said, "I've been meaning to talk to you or write you a letter, but I just haven't had time." He apologized and told me a little bit of the truth (but not nearly half of what Leslie told me), and how he wanted to stay friends. I told him he had to prove it. And for four months I have been trying to keep a low profile. I should have known better, it was my fault for taking a dump where I sleep. I just wanted it to go away. We could never be friends again, but if I never saw him, then maybe I could get to a new normal.

But. The floor is thin. I can hear him. All the time. I know when he comes home. I can hear him when he turns on his video games. I can hear women’s laughter. I can hear when he has sex. He has not once come up to try to be friends or make things right, though Leslie checks in every now and then, telling me how much he says he misses me and regrets what happened.

This weekend, I hit my breaking point when I went downstairs to do laundry and heard him and a woman talking about romantic plans for the weekend and lots of giggles and laughter. The laundry room door into his apartment was wide open.

So last night, I sat him down, and said, “If you actually care about me and want to make things right, move out. Please. I'm begging you. I feel trapped in my own house."

He immediately, and very calmly said, “I’m not moving out. I'll never find a deal around like this one. I’m sorry you’re hurt, but it takes two. I can see how you might have felt manipulated by some of the—”

And then I went absolutely batshitholyhell nuts and screamed at him EVERYTHING that Leslie told me. I told him he had every right not to move, but then I was going to have to. He said, calmly (though you could see the whites of his eyes), “That’s fine.”

And then it gets really bad. I screamed, “You can go motherfucking gently caress yourself, Hugh. You’re such a piece of poo poo.” I went up the stairs, slammed the door as hard as I could…

…and then started jumping up and down as heavily as I could on the floor and shouting everything I despised about the situation down into the floorboards.

Yeah. Yep.

My dignity is officially dead. And now I need to find a new place to live.

My question is what do I do about this anger? I am constantly flipping between feeling no guilt about how I handled it and then being ashamed about how ridiculously I acted. I screamed at him. I called him names. It was disrespectful, and very immature. But I’m also just so angry.

And I am just feeling more anger and more crazy every hour. I would love to sprinkle kitty litter under his bed. I would love to put red socks in his white laundry. I want to stomp around at 3 am. I want to erase his Xbox storage. I want to rearrange his utensil drawer. I want to train his cats to pounce on his face. I want to replace his toothpaste with yeast infection cream.

I’m going nuts. I’m literally becoming that nightmare. I feel like I am forming into a movie villain.

Any advice on how to handle it from now on? He gave me until the end of February to find somewhere new to live, so I have time - but I have several trips planned, plus the holidays are coming up, and with how busy I'll be, I won't be able to really think about moving until January. That means time still here to sink to the lowest depths.

How do I get past this? How do I stop myself from being even more destructive than I already am? The thought of being in the same house as him makes my skin crawl. I feel like I could scream at any moment. I'm so mad at him, and even angrier at myself.

TL;DR: Got involved with roommate, got dumped, tried to be good, but eventually turned into a monstrous beast sent from hell to feast on the souls of the living, and don't know how to be human again.

quote:

I want to rearrange his utensil drawer.

loquacius posted:

Leon Einstein posted:

I don't get what Hugh even did to piss her off. Halting things a week into it seems like a good move if he wasn't feeling it. She's just salty as gently caress that he's banging other chicks.

quote:

Turns out, surprise! He wasn’t over the FWB! He was actually every night calling Leslie and sobbing to her about how much he missed the FWB, and then would come upstairs all smiles and tell me how happy he was that we were finally together, and then go back down and sob again to Leslie.

Leon Einstein posted:

I don't get what Hugh even did to piss her off. Halting things a week into it seems like a good move if he wasn't feeling it. She's just salty as gently caress that he's banging other chicks.

Leon Einstein posted:

I genuinely felt like I had dodged a bullet, and was glad to not be with him, and didn't want to touch that ever again.

She was fine with it until he was getting laid.

mind the walrus posted:

2016, we've done it, we've found the GBS poster who cannot relate to a position of sexual inferiority.

quote:

But then four months ago, Hugh had recently ended things with a casual FWB, and had been a bit bummed about it. We went on a weekend vacation together, and five years of tension just became too much to ignore. I had concerns that he wasn’t over his FWB, gave him plenty of outs, but he assured me that I was what he wanted, the timing was right, that he was serious and wanted something significant, and he pursued me hard. We didn't have penetrative sex, but definitely orgasms and nakedness.

When we got back home, we spent a lot of time together for an entire week, he was constantly telling me how happy he was, how it had been a long time coming, how I lined up with everything he wanted.

WampaLord posted:

Here's the part where Hugh hosed up bigly. He claims he's serious and wants something significant and pursues her hard. Then he says how loving thrilled he is and how awesome it all is, then a week later goes "Actually nah."

quote:

We have been seeing each other for two months. We have great sexual chemistry and laugh a lot together and everything was GREAT like we were both over the moon... However, he also just recently got out of a long term relationship and he told me he is in no way looking for anything serious... that's fine, I am not pushing for that! Regardless having all those conversations alone was enough to freak him out and think things are serious / going down that path... I've tried to not text / call as much, I haven't stayed over as much, etc.

Last time I saw him, he actually stayed w me and I dropped him off at home the next day and tried to make myself relatively sparse so he can do his thing (which has honestly consisted of getting hosed up for the most part).

His birthday is today and I did get him a little gift, nothing serious but something small (kind of sexual) to show him his special day matters to me! I kind of wanted to give it to him alone, and also not be too crazy in his plans for his birthday - so I didn't bring it with me, and I told him he could open it later. He seemed totally unappreciative! He was like "thanks but you didn't have to do that." Etc. made me feel bad for even trying? Didn't even give it to him yet.

Anyways last night it was his birthday at midnight and we all went to the bar to celebrate. He kept telling me he was really drunk and he was being generally positive towards me / he didn't seem upset I had been a little more absent. I was trying to play it cool around all of our friends, which I don't think he really liked, he seemed upset I didn't want to hug him - but I know he would never kiss me in front of them there.

Anyways, I'm really creeped out because a girl (who has previously been upset to see my car at his house when she dropped his roommate off one night, even though she has a boyfriend) was hanging around and she bought his tab... then she bought her tab and left. He tipped the bartender, came back over and talked to me - then he "went to the bathroom" and LEFT OUT OF THE BACK OF THE BAR! I also had no intention of staying with him or anything, I just wanted to walk out together because another guy had been doing circles all night and we were in a notoriously not so great part of town! Plus we were the last two there and were heading the same way, it's not the worst idea for me to follow him part of the way if he's hosed up!

I understand people get drunk and make stupid decisions, but I was really creeped out by this girl situation. When I walked out and saw his car gone, I called him twice - no voicemails, but I texted him "you ok?" To no response.

This is where I get crazy. I drove past his house to see if her car was there and if his car was there. It didn't look like her car was, but I still feel crazy.

I talked to my girl friend today and she suggested I just send a standard "happy birthday " to let him know I'm not like freaking out about him leaving or anything, so I did that - but I didn't hear from him yet, and I don't know if I will today or if sending another text clarifying that I wasn't trying to pull anything last night will do anything?
What do I do?

Tl;dr: he drunkenly left me at the bar to possibly go rendezvous with another girl? I drove past his house and didn't see anything mysterious - but I'm still in a weird situation, given that today is his birthday as well. What do I do?

My(22M) roommate (23M) wants to "decorate" the living room with swords and anime posters. I am not okay with this. posted:

After my roommate Arnold and I had been living together for about a month, I realized a few things: 1. Arnold is messy 2. He likes to "decorate", but in a very slapdash ineffective way.

A few weeks ago, when Arnold noticed that I bought new clocks to hang on the walls in the house, he wanted to contribute to the decorating as well. He asked me if he could help, and I said "Sure, why not" and I didn't think anything of it.

He goes to his closet, and when he comes back he has these goddamn McDonald's toy Pokemon plush dolls, and a giant Pikachu piggy bank. He places them on top of the bookcase and says, "There! It looks a lot better now, right?" I say yes, through gritted teeth.

I think they make the whole room look tacky and horrible(not to mention the fact that I think it screams immaturity to any guest who visits), but I keep my mouth shut because I want to keep the peace.

Recently though, Arnold has been wanting to add more "decorations". He has a large collection of swords in his room that he's collected from various anime conventions that he's attended, and one of his friends noticed that the living room looked barren (In other words, clean. Or tidy. How it's loving supposed to look). So he suggested that he could have an "awesome-looking" sword display in the living room.

So one day, I come home and Arnold has already hung 8 swords along the wall. He's obviously very proud of the display, and he tells me how much of an improvement it is.
No. No loving way. Swords?? Hell no. People will think a psychopath lives here. I begrudgingly tell Arnold that it looks "fine", though.

I honestly don't know what to do at this point. Arnold has already told me that he plans on hanging some anime posters up in the living room as well. What if I want to bring a girl home? Or my parents? The living room is NOT a place for those things. He needs to keep that poo poo in his bedroom.

TL;DR Roommate wants swords and anime posters on display in the living room. I think they look tacky and frightening to any "normal" person who might walk into the house.

Fullhouse posted:

swords are not for decoration

they'll fuckin cut you wide open

quote:

My (23F) mom (52F) had an affair and I'm having a hard time forgiving her and understanding her side

I posted this before but had to delete it because I added some info that was pretty specific, so I had to re-write it

So a couple of years ago (November 2013) my mom, dad, and grandparents went to Israel for my mom's 50th birthday. They had a tour guide there that my mom stayed in touch with. I knew they had a tour guide there, but I didn't think anything of it because that's pretty normal in Israel.

Come August 2014, my two siblings and I get a message from this random woman from Israel saying that my mom is a home wrecker and all this stuff about her. I thought this woman was just crazy, so I told my mom about her. Turns out that this woman was the Israel tour guide's S/O, and my mom has had a physical and emotional affair with this guy.

My parents' marriage was already in the fritz, and I think this is the straw that broke the camel's back in my parents' relationship. I don't think my dad was happy about it, but he was not angry. My mom moved out of the house at the beginning of September 2014.

For the next few months after, I had assumed the whole thing with the tour guide was over because she was caught. Nope, not the case. My mom has continued to keep in contact with him and has gone to Israel a couple of times. My mom has stated that she goes to Israel because she "loves" it there, but I have a feeling that it's not so innocent.

My mom has expressed to both my sibling's and I that this guy is/was the "love of her life" and she can't help it but it's hard for her to "not talk to him"... Apparently. But this entire time my mom has expressed this to me, I've told her that I don't feel bad for her. That she knew this guy was in a relationship and is continuously in contact with him. And that she paints herself the victim here.

Now, my mom is back in Israel for a couple of weeks for her 53rd birthday. She told my siblings and I that she had "lunch with her friend" (tour guide) and his S/O found out and to just block her from everything. Apparently this woman found some of my families' facebooks and has been "sharing" their pictures and writing stuff about my mom.

Again, my mom is painting herself like she is so innocent while my older sister (25F) is agreeing with my mom and feels so bad for her. My younger brother (20M) and I do not feel the same way. We both feel that my mom is not innocent and why should we treat her as such? She got herself into this position and now she is dragging her family into it.

Both my mom and sister feel that I am being unfairly harsh and think I'm being "cold-hearted"... But I guess ever since this started back in August 2014, I've held a small grudge against my mom because I don't go to her apartment as often as I should (probably once a week)

Am I being unfairly cold about this whole situation?

TL;DR: Mom had an affair and is trying to paint herself as the victim while I have no sympathy for her

mind the walrus posted:

I've cut parents out of my life for way less. I'd say watching their hearts break as they realized their children felt nothing for them was satisfying, but that would imply I cared enough to feel that. I did notice it though. It was weird. Like they turned into children again themselves.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

My wonderful loving parents sometimes being wrong was something I figured out at an early age, and it's definitely not a universal thing. I came to terms with the fact that sometimes I'd have to tell my parents what's right when I was in fifth grade, so while I'd be disappointed with something like that, it would be more eye-rolling than world-shattering to me.

sinking belle posted:

Did you mean the older brother because the guy writing this stuff seems like a pretty decent person to me

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

Hey here's some more crazy

He (28M) was very drunk at the bar, and I (25F) was waiting to walk out with him - instead he left through the super sketchy back and drove away, wouldn't even text me he was ok? Now I'm going crazy.

mind the walrus posted:

I've cut parents out of my life for way less. I'd say watching their hearts break as they realized their children felt nothing for them was satisfying, but that would imply I cared enough to feel that. I did notice it though. It was weird. Like they turned into children again themselves.