Star Citizen: Big MoMA's House

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Star Citizen: Big MoMA's House

Propagandist: Oct 23, 2007

simplefish posted:

Wow some amateurs all up in this thread.

Why would you go to 2.5999 when you can go 2.5.1.1.2?

You can even do 2.5.10!

Also either it's something juicy or it's the same "as i've said since my july 2015 blog, the game will never blah". But he's tweeterred that it has nothing to do with a game, so it's probably about a person.

Maybe Chris is on camera doing some porn, maybe someone snorted blow off a hooker's taint, or maybe someone got convicted of money laundering from a past venture.

What's hosed up is, considering tickle-gate, Ben-Ghazi, and the sorry state of this crowdfunded fart smog, it's going to be hard to be surprised. Like, I feel like I'm desensitized.

I'll F5 his Twitter no doubt, though.

e: look @ dis fukken bun. you wish you was this cool.

Propagandist fucked around with this message at 07:39 on Nov 2, 2016

# ? Nov 2, 2016 07:35

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# ? Jun 3, 2024 04:57

Precambrian Video Games: Aug 19, 2002

Which came first, the ELE or the Jesus patch?

# ? Nov 2, 2016 07:35

no_recall: Aug 17, 2015; Lipstick Apathy

eXXon posted:

Which came first, the ELE or the Jesus patch?

What if they were both one and the same event? Makes you think.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 07:38

Marching Powder: Mar 8, 2008; stop the fucking fight, cornerman, your dude is fucking done and is about to be killed.

TheAgent posted:

and they absolutely have to get SQ42 out the door, even if its just the prelude, in 2017

Are there any other industry buzzwords that are actually completely pedestrian poo poo that any normal game just has (persistence!) that they can 'include' in the next few patches? It worked for this year just gone.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 07:40

starkebn: May 18, 2004; "Oooh, got a little too serious. You okay there, little buddy?"

Virtual reality any day now

# ? Nov 2, 2016 07:43

Jobbo_Fett: Mar 7, 2014; Slava Ukrayini; Clapping Larry

starkebn posted:

Virtual reality any day now

Sorry, VR was dropped months ago.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 07:45

HycoCam: Jul 14, 2016; You should have backed Transverse!

eXXon posted:

Which came first, the ELE or the Jesus patch?

There will never, ever be a Jesus patch. Nothing is going to save Star Citizen.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 07:52

MeLKoR: Dec 23, 2004; by FactsAreUseless

TheAgent posted:

here's the problem

CIG has to push out a new patch before years end. this cannot be 2.6 (with FPS mechanics) or 3.0 or anything star marine related because its so loving broken

roberts doesn't want "maps" but entire seamless areas ("Shoot in the same universe you can fly in.")

this is not so good for the servers or players in ships flying around outside the hostile zone (which is why the arena style maps are still being worked on)

Wait, what? Wasn't this supposed to be a module like Arena Commander? Are you telling me they are creating an area in the Verse you can fly to and suddenly respawn rules are different? How do player limits even work?

Why? WHY would you do this to yourself? They are right, I can't understand Chris' Vision.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 07:56

MeLKoR: Dec 23, 2004; by FactsAreUseless

HycoCam posted:

Any particular reason? Loan/investor condition? Some state or federal bureau? Worries about losing backer confidence?

Poor CIG employees. After watching the Road to CitizenCon and then playing the Remastered Modern Warfare, I realize Chris Roberts won't be able to deliver anything with the production value of 2007's Modern Warfare much less 2016's Infinite Warfare.

The "value" is there, just not the "production".

# ? Nov 2, 2016 08:03

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

starkebn posted:

Virtual reality any day now

Star Citizen is virtually reality.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 08:04

Tank Boy Ken: Aug 24, 2012; J4G for life; Fallen Rib

Marching Powder posted:

Are there any other industry buzzwords that are actually completely pedestrian poo poo that any normal game just has (persistence!) that they can 'include' in the next few patches? It worked for this year just gone.

I guess they haven't talked up Server/Client side prediction. Probably in combination with host state rewind.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 08:05

Tijuana Bibliophile: Dec 30, 2008; Scratchmo

D_Smart posted:

You mean aside from the fact that I didn't actually promise anything?

I know that the average Goon has the attention span of a Gerbil on acid; but this whole thing for me - since day one - has been about vindication and to prove that i) they couldn't develop the game promised ii) they were actively running a scam. Nothing more. Nothing less.

My goal was never - ever - to tear down the project. Though burning their JPEGs was directed at the salty Shitizens who decided that waging an Internet war of attrition against me, was the best course of action.

As it stands, even when I took the gloves off and took legal action, I only asked them for three things in that legal demand letter we sent them:

1) refunds for those who ask // now happening as a result of my numerous writings explain how/why backers could/should get refunds. Then Streetroller literally took that ball and dropped it on CIG

2) a definitive release date for the project due to the ToS requirement // they removed the delivery date completely from the Tos. And croberts had stopped giving dates. then he started up again. backers are still hosed because they're all still pure bullshit

3) financial accountability for the money due to the ToS requirement // see #2 in which they removed this from the new ToS

So to say that I haven't delivered, or that my efforts haven't yielded any results, is without merit. Especially when you also consider that, in a sense, I have been somewhat vindicated because not only has he proven that the game pitched can't be made, he's also confident the shoving out an MVP is going to be perfectly OK

Lol at u defending you're record; let's just take one exampel:

U said Star Marine was cancelled
More than one yr later its' still not cancelled

chechmate doobie smog

# ? Nov 2, 2016 08:10

MeLKoR: Dec 23, 2004; by FactsAreUseless

Tijuana Bibliophile posted:

Lol at u defending you're record; let's just take one exampel:

U said Star Marine was cancelled

More than one yr later its' still not cancelled

chechmate doobie smog

Holy poo poo, I never thought about it like that. The whales are right, Star Citizen is awesome! :ohdear:

# ? Nov 2, 2016 08:20

Milkfred E. Moore: Aug 27, 2006; 'It's easier to imagine the end of the world than the end of capitalism.'

has anyone said Fries. yet?

# ? Nov 2, 2016 09:06

Tijuana Bibliophile: Dec 30, 2008; Scratchmo

ManofManyAliases posted:

Derek, is it true that the 30,000 e-mails Hillary deleted were in fact you ranting to her about your demands, records of vindication and promises of ELE?

It's starting to make sense now. The federal building you stepped into was the Harry S. Truman building to meet Hillary and the burn you felt was her icy-cold stare into your soul when she told you to stop making baseless "legal" threats.

did this sound funny in your head when you wrote it

# ? Nov 2, 2016 09:14

Chalks: Sep 30, 2009

Really looking forward to Derek failing to post anything of any substance so that he can continue to perfectly mirror of Chris Roberts in every way. So excited.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 09:26

kingcom: Jun 23, 2012

Milky Moor posted:

has anyone said Fries. yet?

Broken Promises Piled High

# ? Nov 2, 2016 09:35

Bofast: Feb 21, 2011; Grimey Drawer

Oleyo posted:

I agree. This is always fun to say in a group ordering pizza, as well.

Well, where I live a pineapple pizza is typically one of the first 15 or so standard pizzas at almost all pizzerias, so that would not work.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 09:43

Sum Mors: Feb 21, 2008

Pineapple is pretty great, on pizza or on its own. I like sweet/spicy dishes with pineapple and hot oils when I eat out at a Mongolian grill.

E: And yes, typically the top 2 pizza styles will be pepperoni and hawaiian (Canadian bacon + pineapple).

# ? Nov 2, 2016 09:56

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

When I was a kid Pizza Hut had like 3 standard pizzas - Supreme, Beef & Onion and the Hawaiian.

Parties were the worst because you always had a vocal majority who didn't like mushrooms or onion so you had to get the Hawaiian.

Also, there was literally only Pizza Hut, so if you didn't want to eat superheated sugarflesh you had to try and convince everyone they didn't want pizza at all.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 09:56

Sum Mors: Feb 21, 2008

All of those options beat out the worst thing you can possibly order from a pizza restaurant: "Cheeze" pizza.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 09:59

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

Cheese pizza is good for only one thing - you're a bachelor with a fridge full of nothing but sauces and you need to lesnick yourself.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 10:03

Chalks: Sep 30, 2009

alf_pogs posted:

you're a poster in this forum rear end in a top hat

To be clear, alf_pogs isn't calling him an rear end in a top hat in this post, he's just using the full name for this place.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 10:05

AP: Jul 12, 2004; One Ring to fool them all
One Ring to find them
One Ring to milk them all
and pockets fully line them; Grimey Drawer

Beer4TheBeerGod posted:

You promised just as much as Roberts, and both of you use the same strategy when confronted about failing to meet expectations. You both deny any actual promises were made (which is technically true) and then divert back to your primary talking points (dreams for Chris, vindication for you). Anyway it's cool. Either you'll have something tomorrow or you won't, just like either CIG will show SQ42 or they'll sell some ships instead.

I never said your efforts have failed to produce results. That would be like saying CIG has nothing to show for their money, which is clearly false. But you and Chris are both guilty of hyperbole, and neither of you have successfully met the expectations you have set.

The way I look at what Derek says is that right from his first blog he knew CIG was hosed and therefore hyperbole to fight hyperbole was more than justified. At the time none of us suspected things were as bad as he said, the scale of the deception involved was too large, none of us believed the FPS module could possibly be a complete failure. Yet it turned out to be true, stupid people have continued to give CIG money despite Derek's warnings, that's why CIG has staggered on for so long and nobody can say Derek could have put more effort into warning them not to.

Theagent posts stuff now that seems entirely believable and that's because we have adjusted to the new reality of CIG being completely incompetent.

On the positive side hundreds of people have received refunds purely because Derek forced CIG to back down in the propaganda war, a refund is a great idea considering right from his first blog he knew Star Citizen was hosed.

On the negative side he's received death threats and had a few hundred/thousand crazy nutters set up a hate reddit to stalk him. So does he troll Shitizens, Citizens & us? Yup, why wouldn't he, he knows he's going to be proved right about the only stuff that matters and he's known, right from his first blog post that Star Citizen was hosed, as people who work/worked there told him exactly what was going on.

I think Derek is hilarious, Star Citizen is as big a con as bitcoins or Scientology and finding fault with a critic of those because they "haven't failed yet, you promised they would" is missing the point imho.

I'm sure the reveal later today is going to be amazing because my expectations are correctly set for comedy.

AP fucked around with this message at 10:21 on Nov 2, 2016

# ? Nov 2, 2016 10:10

MeLKoR: Dec 23, 2004; by FactsAreUseless

AP posted:

The way I look at what Derek says is that right from his first blog he knew CIG was hosed and therefore hyperbole to fight hyperbole was more than justified. At the time none of us suspected things were as bad as he said, the scale of the deception involved was too large, none of us believed the FPS module could possibly be a complete failure. Yet it turned out to be true, stupid people have continued to give CIG money despite Derek's warnings, that's why CIG has staggered on for so long and nobody can say Derek could have put more effort into warning them not to.

Theagent posts stuff now that seems entirely believable and that's because we have adjusted to the new reality of CIG being completely incompetent.

On the positive side hundreds of people have received refunds purely because Derek forced CIG to back down in the propaganda war, a refund is a great idea considering right from his first blog he knew Star Citizen was hosed.

On the negative side he's received death threats and had a few hundred/thousand crazy nutters set up a hate reddit to stalk him. So does he troll Shitizens, Citizens & us? Yup, why wouldn't he, he knows he's going to be proved right about the only stuff that matters and he's know from his first blog post that Star Citizen was hosed, as people who work/worked there told him exactly what was going on.

I think Derek is hilarious, Star Citizen is as big a con as bitcoins or Scientology and finding fault with a critic of those because they "haven't failed yet as promised" is missing the point imho.

I'm sure the reveal later today is going to be amazing because my expectations are correctly set for comedy.

What are your crimes?

# ? Nov 2, 2016 10:12

AP: Jul 12, 2004; One Ring to fool them all
One Ring to find them
One Ring to milk them all
and pockets fully line them; Grimey Drawer

MeLKoR posted:

What are your crimes?

I guess I might hype his twitter countdown a little and then laugh at anyone who is disappointed.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 10:13

Sandweed: Sep 7, 2006; All your friends are me.

I'm trying to find thee archived gamescom videos, the pvp match and the guy failing to get into a ship.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 10:27

Fatkraken: Jun 23, 2005; Fun-time is over.

Pineapple on pizza is good :colbert:

When I worked in the kitchen at a Pizza hut, my standard staff meal was a mini pizza with BBQ sauce and double pineapple.

gently caress the haters.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 10:40

alf_pogs: Feb 15, 2012

Chalks posted:

To be clear, alf_pogs isn't calling him an rear end in a top hat in this post, he's just using the full name for this place.

forum rear end in a top hat: noun, proper noun and adjective

# ? Nov 2, 2016 10:56

BogDew: Jun 14, 2006; E:\FILES>quickfli clown.fli

With all the console fuss I'm surprised that no one has pointed out in the launch video Roberts is playing the proof of concept demo with a controller all the while gushing about saving PC gaming with fidelity.

Plus the whole exercise is laughable. If you read through any of the Cryengine documentation they state that anything console really can't be done. Or it was only able to get something of a reasonable port when the Xbox One came in with enough resources to use.

And even then things like physics had to be baked in to get Ryse working.
For instance if a tower explodes on a PC you'd have the physics engine handle all the chunks and so forth. The problem is the Cryengine physics system is quite a hog so the actual result was to have the engine capture how something fell and turn it into an animation path that plays back when triggered.

And that's just physics, let alone trying to compensate for the before-mentioned vertices limits and other hard factors thrown in.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 11:36

Decrepus: May 21, 2008; In the end, his dominion did not touch a single poster.

Quavers posted:

Chris Roberts:

Conquest: Frontier Wars - 2001 - Producer, Writer,

For 15+ years he has fought in the war against David Braben, and Soon� he will be victorious!

That game was fun to play. The game intro was cool even if the game was about RESCUING A HIGH RANKING PERSON WHO GETS STRANDED BEHIND ENEMY LINES.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 11:42

CrazyLoon: Aug 10, 2015; "..."

AP posted:

The way I look at what Derek says is that right from his first blog he knew CIG was hosed and therefore hyperbole to fight hyperbole was more than justified. At the time none of us suspected things were as bad as he said, the scale of the deception involved was too large, none of us believed the FPS module could possibly be a complete failure. Yet it turned out to be true, stupid people have continued to give CIG money despite Derek's warnings, that's why CIG has staggered on for so long and nobody can say Derek could have put more effort into warning them not to.

Theagent posts stuff now that seems entirely believable and that's because we have adjusted to the new reality of CIG being completely incompetent.

On the positive side hundreds of people have received refunds purely because Derek forced CIG to back down in the propaganda war, a refund is a great idea considering right from his first blog he knew Star Citizen was hosed.

On the negative side he's received death threats and had a few hundred/thousand crazy nutters set up a hate reddit to stalk him. So does he troll Shitizens, Citizens & us? Yup, why wouldn't he, he knows he's going to be proved right about the only stuff that matters and he's known, right from his first blog post that Star Citizen was hosed, as people who work/worked there told him exactly what was going on.

I think Derek is hilarious, Star Citizen is as big a con as bitcoins or Scientology and finding fault with a critic of those because they "haven't failed yet, you promised they would" is missing the point imho.

I'm sure the reveal later today is going to be amazing because my expectations are correctly set for comedy.

Not to sound too much like a suck-up, but as the warlord would say...

This. All of it.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 11:57

Gravity_Storm: Mar 1, 2016

AP posted:

The way I look at what Derek says is that right from his first blog he knew CIG was hosed and therefore hyperbole to fight hyperbole was more than justified. At the time none of us suspected things were as bad as he said, the scale of the deception involved was too large, none of us believed the FPS module could possibly be a complete failure. Yet it turned out to be true, stupid people have continued to give CIG money despite Derek's warnings, that's why CIG has staggered on for so long and nobody can say Derek could have put more effort into warning them not to.

Theagent posts stuff now that seems entirely believable and that's because we have adjusted to the new reality of CIG being completely incompetent.

On the positive side hundreds of people have received refunds purely because Derek forced CIG to back down in the propaganda war, a refund is a great idea considering right from his first blog he knew Star Citizen was hosed.

On the negative side he's received death threats and had a few hundred/thousand crazy nutters set up a hate reddit to stalk him. So does he troll Shitizens, Citizens & us? Yup, why wouldn't he, he knows he's going to be proved right about the only stuff that matters and he's known, right from his first blog post that Star Citizen was hosed, as people who work/worked there told him exactly what was going on.

I think Derek is hilarious, Star Citizen is as big a con as bitcoins or Scientology and finding fault with a critic of those because they "haven't failed yet, you promised they would" is missing the point imho.

I'm sure the reveal later today is going to be amazing because my expectations are correctly set for comedy.

Same

# ? Nov 2, 2016 11:58

MedicineHut: Feb 25, 2016

MeLKoR posted:

Laughing my mediterranean rear end off. I am truley sorry for your lots.

Portuguese Mediterranean is a figure of speaking relating to cuisine styles no? I mean, you are geographically close, but hey (unless I misunderstood and you are not from Portugal!)

# ? Nov 2, 2016 12:05

Xaerael: Aug 25, 2010; Marching Powder is objectively the worst poster known. He also needs to learn how a keyboard works.

Lazrin posted:

Here:

Here:

So, by your idiotic standards, we should expect Star Citizen to never come out until crobbler is thrown off the project, along with all his deadweight lackeys?

Gotcha.

Lazrin spreading FUD. 10 year probation for him please.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 12:10

Sir Simon Milligan: Mar 27, 2003; Yes, I have walked along the path of evil many times, it's a twisting curving path, that actually leads to a charming block garden, but beyond that evil!

Derek is awesome and hilarious, it's funny how many people don't get his shtick.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 12:19

Blunderstorm: Mar 1, 2016; my grandfather just posts and all i got was this lousy joke, so what

p. nice Wolf Parade ref posted:

Derek is awesome and hilarious, it's funny how many people don't get his shtick.

This. All of it

# ? Nov 2, 2016 12:21

Beet Wagon: Oct 19, 2015

Man, the #3 thread on the sc subreddit right now is loving Cymelion of all people talking about being bored and worn out with the game.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 12:25

skaboomizzy: Nov 12, 2003; There is nothing I want to be. There is nothing I want to do.
I don't even have an image of what I want to be. I have nothing. All that exists is zero.

MeLKoR posted:

Wait, what? Wasn't this supposed to be a module like Arena Commander? Are you telling me they are creating an area in the Verse you can fly to and suddenly respawn rules are different? How do player limits even work?

Why? WHY would you do this to yourself? They are right, I can't understand Chris' Vision.

I hope they somehow do get this to work because nobody will ever get even halfway through a PvP match without a goon kamikaze-ing everyone with a starter ship

# ? Nov 2, 2016 12:31

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# ? Jun 3, 2024 04:57

AP: Jul 12, 2004; One Ring to fool them all
One Ring to find them
One Ring to milk them all
and pockets fully line them; Grimey Drawer

Beet Wagon posted:

Man, the #3 thread on the sc subreddit right now is loving Cymelion of all people talking about being bored and worn out with the game.

https://www.reddit.com/r/starcitizen/comments/5an202/discussionare_you_bored_or_impatient_judgement/

Link for those that enjoy these delicious treats.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 12:40

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