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2.5 year old: "Mama, don't take my face off."
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Nov 2, 2016 22:27
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6 year old behind me with her mom in line for voting: "so on the news all of the people running for president or whatever go on TV and call each other names"
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Nov 4, 2016 00:30
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Ruzihm posted:6 year old behind me with her mom in line for voting: "so on the news all of the people running for president or whatever go on TV and call each other names" Yeah, that kid's pretty much got this election season figured out.
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Nov 4, 2016 07:55
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I am not a good cook. My wife is an excellent cook. I sometimes make the kids what I call a "Frog In A Puddle" (or sometimes, "Toad In A Hole") which is basically fried toast with a hole cut out of the middle in which an egg is fried. It's easy and the kids love it. Now I have that out of the way, this morning we were getting the boys ready for daycare when this happened: Wife: So what do you want for dinner tonight? Eldest son (5yo): Hmm... I'm thinking.... maybe.... dog in a puddle. Wife: A what? Son: Dog in a puddle. Wife: Do you mean one of dads Frogs In A Puddle? Son: No, a Dog In A Puddle. Wife: What's a dog in a puddle? Son: Swimming.......  Wife: ... I just got dad joked. Made my day.
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Nov 4, 2016 09:08
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:Practicing idioms: Have you considered the fact that Superfreak is cool and good?
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Nov 4, 2016 10:03
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"BECAUSE I'M AVATAR!"
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whiteyfats posted:Have you considered the fact that Superfreak is cool and good? I agree. I don't want to hear it- or any other song- more than maybe twice in a single day. And I don't think it's Halloween music. And I'm not sure the subject matter is entirely appropriate for kindergarten. But you do you.
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Nov 4, 2016 15:25
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We had a small work Halloween party and all the Halloween playlists on Spotify were filled with random current Top 40 stuff for some reason.
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Nov 4, 2016 15:31
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:I agree. I don't want to hear it- or any other song- more than maybe twice in a single day. And I don't think it's Halloween music. And I'm not sure the subject matter is entirely appropriate for kindergarten. But you do you. I... glossed over the kindergarten part.  My mistake!
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Nov 4, 2016 15:38
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Child overheard on the bus by a friend of mine: "They are supposed to be in mom's belly and eat boobies." Possibly referring to babies, but who knows? 
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Nov 5, 2016 21:30
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I was teaching a class of seven year olds about the stone age. One of them put their hand up and asked if they had cars in the stone age, I explained that they didn't and he thought for a minute and then asked how they went into town.
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Nov 5, 2016 22:22
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So my store got two big coolers full of soft drinks and water a few months back. This morning at work a little 4-year-old brings her bottle of Sprite to the counter, slaps it down and hollers, 'I got a beer!'
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Nov 7, 2016 04:13
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^^ 
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Nov 8, 2016 04:33
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Astrofig posted:So my store got two big coolers full of soft drinks and water a few months back. This morning at work a little 4-year-old brings her bottle of Sprite to the counter, slaps it down and hollers, 'I got a beer!' From my Facebook feed: quote:That awkward moment when your polling place is in a church and your raised-by-atheists 3-year old loudly criticizes Jesus's wardrobe choices while waiting in line. "That guy should have shoes on. It's so cold!" "Look, he even got holes in his feet from having no shoes. That was a bad decision!"
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Nov 8, 2016 16:16
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Today my aunt was showing me a video of her almost 2-year-old grandson (my cousin's kid) learning to count with cookies. He could figure out which were 'Mommy's cookies' and 'Daddy's cookies' but when it came to the actual counting he seemingly got stuck on 2. "One, two, two, two, two, two, two..." He also warned them that 'Mommy's coppy (coffee)hot, be careful!'
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Nov 18, 2016 04:57
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A crosspost from RGD, a goon-run podcast that runs on this principle:greatn posted:Childish Games Only listened to two episodes so far, but it's  incarnate.
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Nov 24, 2016 05:44
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Kid 1: I'm going to hack your eyeballs. Kid 2: You can't, the body is 50% water. If you tried my systems would crash. I love kid logic.
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Nov 25, 2016 00:14
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Astrofig posted:Today my aunt was showing me a video of her almost 2-year-old grandson (my cousin's kid) learning to count with cookies. He could figure out which were 'Mommy's cookies' and 'Daddy's cookies' but when it came to the actual counting he seemingly got stuck on 2. This is because he knows he can only have two cookies for dessert. So he wants to have as many two cookies as possible!
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Nov 25, 2016 01:32
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Nephew telling riddles: How much water can ice have in its mouth? - Everyone guesses wrong - Nephew: Enough that it explodes! His older brother, in a learned tone: Ice can't explode unless you put a bomb in it.
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Dec 3, 2016 15:42
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Overheard while at work yesterday: I like ham! Do you? NO.
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Dec 11, 2016 00:00
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A little kid to his mom in front of me at the grocery store: "does everyone know when my birthday is?"
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Dec 12, 2016 02:20
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"Daddy has big boobs!"
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Dec 12, 2016 05:32
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MisterBibs posted:A crosspost from RGD, a goon-run podcast that runs on this principle: I NEED THIS! Things I learned from an English interpretation contest I judged yesterday. The students had to listen to a very short explanation of the differences between Chinese and "Western" eating etiquette. Verbatim except for the first sentence: In China, people talk to each other during dinner, but in Western countries you can't talk during meals. Paraphrased for clarity. Chinese people often use their chopsticks to put food in other peoples' bowels. bowls, I assume Western people eat on their own planets. plates? Chinese people eat together in plants. ...plates? Western people can't use chopsticks. I took off points for that. JUST KIDDING I assumed she meant "don't."Chinese people use chopsticks to put food on the plant, but Chinese people use chopsticks to put food into the air. No goddam idea. Chinese people put plates on the table. This is a big difference between Chinese and Western culture. I guess we put our plates in the air next to the floating bits of food left by our Chinese friends? Thankfully, none of my kids made these mistakes. They just gave up 
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Dec 12, 2016 06:15
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Last week on the state level version of NPR there was a program about local youth entrepreneurs, and the intro had Kindergartners saying what they wanted to be when they grew up, like doctors or firemen. One kid enthusiastically shouted "I wanna be BATMAN!!" 
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Dec 12, 2016 14:13
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:I NEED THIS! pssst your posts always come across more racist than cute 
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Dec 12, 2016 18:44
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sharktamer posted:pssst your posts always come across more racist than cute I'm not sure how they come across as racist, given the background that's been explained. Please elaborate.
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Dec 12, 2016 19:35
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sharktamer posted:pssst your posts always come across more racist than cute Are you loving kidding?
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Dec 12, 2016 19:38
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sharktamer posted:pssst your posts always come across more racist than cute
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Dec 12, 2016 22:04
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sharktamer posted:pssst your posts always come across more racist than cute 
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Dec 12, 2016 22:31
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Triggered by an elementary school classroom on the other side of the planet.
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Dec 12, 2016 22:45
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sharktamer posted:pssst your posts always come across more racist than cute Sorry you feel that way! Put me on your ignore list. I'll do the same. e: Thank you to all the people being nice! Fleta Mcgurn has a new favorite as of 02:01 on Dec 13, 2016 |
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Dec 13, 2016 01:14
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sharktamer posted:pssst your posts always come across more racist than cute Stop posting.
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Dec 13, 2016 03:00
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Kevyn posted:Triggered by an elementary school classroom on the other side of the planet.
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Dec 13, 2016 10:10
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My Lovely Horse posted:Kid-friendly Chuck Tingle books. Pounded in the Hiney by Children's Difficultly Learning English
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Dec 13, 2016 10:12
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My Lovely Horse posted:Kid-friendly Chuck Tingle books. Pounded in the Bum by my TOEFL-Related Existential Dread (we say "bum" around here)
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Dec 13, 2016 10:21
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:Pounded in the Bum by my TOEFL-Related Existential Dread (we say "bum" around here)
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Dec 13, 2016 16:19
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Ad: "Do you have trouble falling asleep?" Kid: "Yup." Ad: "Are you tired and grouchy in the morning?" Kid: "YES." Ad: "Studies show that using a computer or watching TV two to three hours before bedtime inhibits the production of melatonin." Kid: *shrugs* "Meh."
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Dec 15, 2016 04:14
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pounded in the bum by my strange female student heterosexually obsessed with big boobs.
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Dec 15, 2016 05:35
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Little girl at work tonight: "I'm Scarlet! I kinda shy tho...' Her mother proceeded to silently shake her head that this was not true.
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Dec 15, 2016 06:31
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I wanted to share this (horribly racist?) unretouched piece from last year by everyone's favorite tits aficionado, Rihanna. Again, I haven't changed a thing: If I have 1 million RMB to spend, I will buy everything I want. I’m so happy to be the owner! First of all, I will go to the shopping mall to buy perfume for my mother and a business suit for my father. Just because I’m a sweet daughter and I’m nice. <3 Then I will go to the department store and buy a toy spider for my favorite teacher, Miss Fleta. I believe that she will fall in love with the cute spider. Just because I’m nice as I said. Thirdly, I will go to the discount store to buy nothing! I just want to show my money to the salesman. Just because I’m rich! Everybody can suck it! (Yeah, come on~) Finally, I will put the rest of my money into the bank. After I die, my children and grandchildren can use it and do nothing! (<--- it’s bad) All in all, if you can dream it, you can do it! And we must work hard to make money that depends on ourselves. I like to think she got to the end and was like, "oh, right, every story should have a moral or something."
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Dec 16, 2016 12:29
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:tits aficionado If anyone needs any last-minute gift ideas for me, my subscription's just about to lapse (no moral)
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Dec 16, 2016 13:49
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