Dunning Krugerrand posted:

[NM] I got a girl pregnant and she wanted to get an abortion but I didn't want that. She ended up not getting one but now she is not involved at all

*didn't want the kid in the first place*
*got convinced to keep the child for him*
*still pays child support*

quote:

My [24M] kindhearted, sweet fiancee [23F] of 3 years just called a little girl [6?F] a "loving whore" (?!)

This is weird. We met through a message board when we were both younger, and after years of being friends she moved to the city and we started a romantic relationship. I thought I knew her, but this is a weird complication. I need some insight.

I work as an accountant in downtown Toronto, whereas my fiancee is a student. She had the day off, and I was going into work later than usual, so she decided to join me on my commute so she could do some shopping downtown. Sure, no problem. The subway is pretty crowded, and we end up sitting near a woman with her child in a stroller. I don't know how old the kid was, I'm guessting 5 or 6? She was in a stroller but she was applying lip gloss and talking to her mom, asking to switch seats so she doesn't have to sit in the stroller, not throwing a tantrum - so old enough to overhear and understand what people around her were saying. I was watching my language, but otherwise didn't pay any attention to her.

Then my fiancee looks at me and says "What do you think about the fact that that lady is raising a loving whore?" I think she must be kidding, so I say "Excuse me?!" She repeats herself. At this point I am so uncomfortable, surprised, and embarrassed that I stand up and get off the subway two stops early.

We ended up texting throughout the morning, and she seemed really nonchalant about the fact that she just called a LITTLE GIRL a "loving whore". The fact that she "has one of those faces" and is "applying lipstick" is proof enough.

I have no idea what to do where to go from here. It seems way too extreme to like, boot her out or break up, but telling her what she did is hosed up and wrong is just like water off a duck's back. I've never seen something so cruel out of her before. She's usually a saint. WTF.

TL;DR My otherwise nice fiancee called a little girl a "loving whore" within earshot of her and her mother. I'm shocked and disturbed, she doesn't care. What do?

quote:

UPDATE: My [24M] kindhearted, sweet fiancee [23F] of 3 years just called a little girl [6?F] a "loving whore" (?!)

A few things I'd like to clarify from the previous post before I start on the update:

1) My fiancee really is (was?) kind hearted to a fault in most things. She said things like 'bhole' instead of 'rear end in a top hat', friggin, dangit, etc. So 'loving whore' was really out of the ordinary for her.

2) My sister was raped when I was still in school, and she pressed charges. There was a lot of fallout in her social circle over this (phone calls, emails, someone wrote on our door in paint), and so the words 'whore' and 'slut' are really sensitive for people in our family.

3) It wasn't just the fact that she said 'loving whore', but she didn't go 'oh sorry that was a joke' or 'it was funnier in my head'. She stood by it and got angry that I was upset with her, as well as saying stuff like 'she has one of those faces'. It wasn't just the initial statement, it was repeating and standing by it that really bugged me.

4) All of the bile in her voice seemed to be focused towards the kid, not the mom.

Onto the update.

When I came home the entire apartment was clean, there was hot dinner waiting for me, and we watched a movie. I was content to let sleeping dogs lie for the night and we went to bed. On Saturday, I sat her down and asked to talk to her. She was defensive from the beginning. ("I don't see why this is an issue, why do you even care, this is silly...")

I was gentle but persistent and asked what about this kid got on her nerves so much. Some people asked if she had been abused or hurt in the past so I tried to bring this up in a very diplomatic way. She continued to avoid, until I asked what she meant by 'one of those faces'

She exploded with "The kid was just another stupid friend of the family, okay?!"

WOW.

I asked what she meant. She said a lot of her friends at university work food service and black customers never tip, she volunteers for a charity and goes door to door and black people NEVER donate, she's sick of 'loving niggers' being loud on the bus, they always shout, they never listen to their music at a reasonable level, they listen to their stupid rap on their speakers. She's sick of seeing little kids being "born and bred to be niggers", like little black boys wearing backwards hats and little black girls wearing lip gloss.

My jaw was on the floor at this point. I said "What about Ken?" Ken is my best friend, he's like a brother to me, and he's black. She rolled her eyes and said that "There are black people... and then there are niggers. I'm fine with Ken, because he's just a black person."

I know that she had some "small town values" from not being born and bred in Toronto (she comes from out west), but I had no idea about this. As she talked, some stuff began to click, stuff in the past that didn't make sense, now it did.

I stood up and started putting some stuff in a bag. I was planning on spending a couple of nights at my sisters while I thought about this, because I couldn't even look at her. It was like she detonated an atom bomb in the middle of our apartment. She started sobbing and said I couldn't leave, that she was sorry. She said that I could help her "be better". There have been a bunch of friends I've helped deal with depression, trauma, or whatever (I'm kind of the "shoulder" of my social group.) She cried that if I helped them, I had to help her too.

I ended up staying in the apartment for the weekend because she blocked the door sobbing every time I tried to leave. I locked myself in my office and slept on the couch. Every time I try to take a piss or grab food she's on her knees in front of me or grabbing onto my legs begging me to stay.

Should I stay or should I go? I'd help her if she came to me and wanted help, but it sounds like she's just upset our values don't align. I'm on the lease, she isn't, and she has nowhere to go. Her friends mostly live at home, or in dorms. What should I do? I feel sick just thinking about the hate in her voice as she talked about "loving niggers"

TL;DR: She called the kid a whore cause she's sick of parents "breeding loving niggers". I tried to leave for some breathing space, she won't let me go and says I need to help her "get better". What should I do?

Gaunab posted:

Gaunab posted:

Gaunab posted:

My [24M] kindhearted, sweet fiancee [23F] of 3 years just called a little girl [6?F] a "loving whore" (?!)

Gaunab posted:

quote:

My [24M] kindhearted, sweet fiancee [23F] of 3 years just called a little girl [6?F] a "loving whore" (?!) [FINAL UPDATE]

Well, we broke up.

After she did the whole 'sobbing, crying, wouldn't let me leave' thing I ended up going to work and heading to my sister's from there. Turned off my phone for a while, thought about it. Went back home, was pleasantly surprised to find the place wasn't trashed and she was calmer.

We talked for a long time. She told me that growing up, she had been abused - badly. I don't want to go into the details but it is basically real bad. She apparently would fall asleep with a hair dryer on pointed towards her some nights so that she felt like she was being comforted by something. When we started talking online, she saw me as an escape. First, just as a way to pass the time and feel loved from afar. When I started making good money and offered to support her, it was a literal escape.

She told me she wore a mask so that I'd love her more, that she worked so hard to be the perfect fiancee and wife. When I started paying for her to go to school, she adopted the same behaviour, mirroring and being the same as her friends. She fell in with a group of racist shitheads, and, well... When she made that comment on the subway, she said she was "wearing the wrong mask". When I called her on it, she panicked.

I paid for her expenses for long enough that she could get her life together. She got a job at a bar through one of those friends and she's staying with him. I helped her find a sliding scale therapist and paid for the first couple of sessions. To the best of my knowledge, she is still doing all of this and going to school at nights. We don't talk beyond the rare 'happy birthday' text or whatever.

I am going to be single for a while. I learned a lot - don't date online for long periods of time, don't pay for everything, talk to your partner when poo poo goes down. The advice here really helped. I got a lot of PMs and good comments - some people were really pulling for us, other people wanted me to ruin her life as revenge for racism. Sorry that there isn't a satisfying ending like that, but the advice did help. I won't be posting again. Thanks.

TL;DR : We're no longer together, she is in therapy, child abuse fucks people up

Tender Bender posted:

Ah, the old "I found out my girlfriend is an insane racist and also has either been hiding a lifetime of abuse justifying her horrifying racism that she expects me to fix, or is gaslighting me." We've all been there.

quote:

I (25F) only crave intimacy with anime characters
I have never been in a relationship, and never felt the need for one. There were guys who courted me, but I have only felt fearful, avoidant, and repulsed by such attempts. I have no problems being friends with males, but once they express a desire to move beyond a platonic relationship, I break off all ties.

I do find some males attractive, and I had several crushes in high school, but never once have I felt the need to date, sleep with, or have any form of romantic relationship with anyone. I never accept invites by male friends, single or not, to any kind of engagement outside of school or work.

Despite my resistance to rl guys, I have fantasies of being with fictional characters from anime, and I indulge in virtual games, manga, and anime to fulfil my need for intimacy. I have only ever imagined myself together with an anime character in romantic and sexual contexts, and real people just put me off.

Now that I'm 25 and fast approaching an age when I should be looking towards a committed relationship and marriage, I'm frequently questioned by curious family, relatives, friends, acquaintances, and pure strangers about my single status. Do I share with them what I said here, or will I be judged harshly for being unconventional (if that's the word)? Plus I am wondering how common my situation is. Anyone else experiences the same thing?

tl;dr: I am repulsed by real men, and only crave intimacy with fictional characters.

Nuebot posted:

Was this one posted before? I think it might have been.

Devian666 posted:

I dunno but I thought the solution to this problem was anime arm pillows/dildos and then getting married to an anime character in a 3DS game.

Pick posted:

Have you ever seen the statue of the anime guy ejaculating, which was one of the most expensive pieces of modern art ever for a while or some stupid poo poo like that? My point is, anime doesn't translate to 3D because it's all weird tricks, and so I genuinely do not quite understand how people masturbate to the idea of loving them. Do they imagine them as people analogues? If not, are they actually storyboarding anime in their heads to jerk off??

Nuebot posted:

Was this one posted before? I think it might have been.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I'm not into anime but lol if you don't mentally compose operatic five-act sexual odysseys.

gmq posted:

I wonder if it's some sort of asexuality plus growing up with unrealistic ideals from watching so much anime.

I mean, there are sad sacks that gave up on life and live vicariously through anime and VNs but that doesn't look like the OP's situation.

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

If you don't jerk it to cartoons, you aren't a real man. Come on bro.

Dunning Krugerrand posted:

You missed the last part.

54 40 or gently caress posted:

I know an aromantic, sex repulsed asexual who is....obsessed with gay sex between fictional characters.

54 40 or gently caress posted:

I know an aromantic, sex repulsed asexual who is....obsessed with gay sex between fictional characters.

please knock Mom! posted:

I always read this as 'aromatic'

Troposphere posted:

that's how my last roommate was and she would not stop talking about graphic gay sex and it was the most insufferable thing

she was also super autistic

Troposphere posted:

that's how my last roommate was and she would not stop talking about graphic gay sex and it was the most insufferable thing

she was also super autistic