quote:

Girlfriend [19f] went on a trip last week and hasn't come back since. Won't answer her phone. I'm [23m] extremely worried.Relationships

Hey - sorry for any typos but there's a lot in my mind right now.

My girlfriend, last tuesday, went on a trip to the south. Deep South, like Mississippi, Alabama etc. She doesn't have family there (we're from NYC), she doesn't have friends there, she wasn't visiting anyone. She went because she wanted to go, she likes the states etc. She has been in Mississippi before so it wasn't a problem for me. I mean, there's absolutely no reason for it to be a problem alone.

The problem is that she was supposed to come back saturday. I don't know what the gently caress she's doing there right now. There's nothing new for her to see, I'm not sure why she would want to spend money with hotels for a week straight. I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable but a week in the Deep South when you've been there 7585957858494 times before and can go any time you want seems a bit much.

She was supposed to come back on saturday, but she didn't. I've been calling her and she doesn't answer. The last time I talked to her was, hm, tuesday, when she was on the plane. I didn't want to call her because there was no reason to, maybe she just wanted to get away from the city for a while but for God's sake, it's been almost a week. What do I do?

TL;DR: gf went on a trip to the deep south and didn't come back. she was supposed to come back on saturday. i'm worried.

quote:

Edit: nevermind guys, she answered me already. She told me she wanted to see how long I went without calling the police. Guess you can say she's a great human being.

Pelvic Floor Wax posted:

YeahTubaMike posted:

what the gently caress is wrong with people

Pick posted:

I think we need to bring back some of the olde tymey courtship stuff so that people stop trying to essentially write their own romance novel with their own lives because it often ends up being terrible and in some cases even a flagrant waste of public resources

YeahTubaMike posted:

what the gently caress is wrong with people

HardDiskD posted:

you mean when people's parents dictated who they would marry

Pelvic Floor Wax posted:

El Golden Goose posted:

I was about to ask how an adult man so obsessed with lego that he spends thousands on it even finds a person willing to date him, but then I realized: these people are probably unattractive

quote:

Me [35 M] with my partner [32 F] of 5 years, Quit my job to follow her abroad. Now she taunts me for being unemployed.

2 Years ago we were both living in the UK. I had a full time job as a data scientist earning $45k and she had at job as a marketing manager earning $60k.

Then she was offered an amazing job in Switzerland paying $200k including bonuses. Even accounting for the higher cost of living, this was more than our combined income in the UK. I hated my job, so we had a long discussion about whether we should make the move. In the end I refused because I felt really uncomfortable about being financially dependent on her.

6 months later, and the same company contacted her again about relocating to Switzerland. This time they even offered to pay for the cost of moving. She managed to convince me that I need not worry; that she would be totally committed to the arrangement, and that I could use the jobless time to go after my dream and start my own business.

2 years later: Were are living in Switzerland and we really like it here. However, I am still out of a job despite searching desperately for 2 years. It's a small country and there simply aren't many jobs in my area, plus the Swiss are reluctant to hire foreigners. Starting my own business has proven tough. I often work weekends and evenings until 2am. This has really put a strain on our relationship, and I have yet to make a penny.

We got into some ugly arguments recently, where she accused me of "not pulling my weight", "not being a man", and that "my business will never succeed", because "it's taking too long". When I point out that this is unfair because we had an agreement, she says that the agreement was "not indefinite". That I didn't quit the job in the UK because of her since I hated it anyhow. Or that they would have fired me anyhow.

To make matters even worse, I have become something of a fitness addict in Switzerland (it helped me deal with the stress). My body has become leaner and more muscular, which she finds unattractive. She says I'm a bore because I have stopped drinking alcohol and exercise every day.

I got tired of the accusations, so now I started paying my share of the costs ($2,500 per month for rent, food and health insurance). I have approx. $250k in cash savings thanks to selling my house in the UK at a profit. But that was supposed to be my pension and now I'm quickly burning through it by living in the most expensive country in the world. I suppose I could get a job mopping floors but that is not what I signed up for when I left the UK!

Our relationship has improved since I started paying my bills. We no longer argue, but I still feel cheated somehow. I still love her, but I'm considering leaving her to return to the UK. She is committed to her career in Switzerland so it's not an option for her. We are not married but separation would still be complicated because we have joint property.

Question 1: Is this a reasonable living arrangement?

Question 2: Should I leave her and return to the UK?

tl;dr: Quit my job to follow my partner to Switzerland. 2 years unemployed. Stressed and burned out after trying to start own business. Relationship has deteriorated. Living in a financially tricky situation now, and thinking about separating.

Pelvic Floor Wax posted:

WampaLord posted:

Who the gently caress goes to places like Mississippi and Alabama because they "like the states?"

She's loving someone else.

"Oh, I only live in the cultural capital of America but I really like going to backwoods areas of the South, that's all!"

JFairfax posted:

I just drove through mississippi and would love to go back to one of the small towns for a blues fest, and I drove through Alabama and it's really pretty - a mate of mine just went on a road trip through the south with his father, incluidng a few days in Alabama. It's not that crazy if you're into your music or seeing america out of the main cities.

Haifisch posted:

My [30M] neighbors [20s M/F] are findings ways to get me evicted out of my apartments and i need some advice

"My wife nuked any chance we had of resolving this sanely. Help, reddit!"

CharlestonJew posted:

Guessing the 210 lb dude is actually noisy af when he walks around and his previous neighbors were too scared to confront him about it

CharlestonJew posted:

Guessing the 210 lb dude is actually noisy af when he walks around and his previous neighbors were too scared to confront him about it

quote:

My [16/M] dad [45/M] touched my aunt [25/F] inappropriately without her consent, and I witnessed the whole thing.

This is my mom's sister I'm talking about, so no blood relation to my dad, but they may as well be related. They're still family. Anyway, my parents are still married. My dad is kind of an rear end in a top hat sometimes, the kind of guy who thinks bullying is essential character building. I've never seen him hit on other women though. He's pretty much only ever had eyes for my mom (that I've seen). He's not a drunk, but when he does drink, he turns into an even bigger jerk the way most jerks do.

My mom threw a party recently, a big party where all our relatives and extended family were invited. My aunt was there. She's usually off traveling and isn't home much, but she was in town for a few days and so she decided to come. We all really like her. She's really nice, really cool and knows a bunch of languages. Next summer she's taking me to East Asia with her. The flights and hostels are already booked and taken care of, so I'm really excited.

Anyway, she was at the party. She stayed late to help clean up, and after the guests were gone, I went into the kitchen to grab a glass of water before bed. When I walked closer I overheard arguing. My dad was saying something like, "Oh, come on. You know you want it," to who I thought was my mom (still hosed up) but as I peeked around the corner I saw my aunt there. She shoved him off, told him he was disgusting and that my mom should have divorced him years ago, and as she turned around he grabbed her rear end. She slapped him, started crying and ducked out. I don't even think she noticed me in the dark.

My mom came down the stairs a second later and asked where my aunt had gone. I told her I didn't know, and now I feel really bad because by staying quiet I'm basically protecting a predator. I know he's my dad but gently caress that guy. I know that if I confront him, he'd just deny what happened and tell me to mind my own business because I'm a kid and I don't understand what I saw.

I do understand it. He grabbed my aunt's rear end, and then played dumb when my mom asked why she was gone. It's occurred to me that maybe there is (was?) something between my aunt and dad, but I doubt it. She's been off on her own, traveling the world since she graduated high school, so unless they had a thing when she was a minor, it was probably just an isolated incident. Regardless of whether they had a thing, he touched her without her consent, which is wrong.

I don't know what to do. My mom is good at sweeping things under the rug. If I tell her this she might just ignore it and tell me I was imagining things.

TL;DR: Dad grabbed aunt's rear end one night in private and I saw it. Now I don't know what to do. My mom probably won't want to take action against him (because she never has) and he will probably just deny it like he always does.

Gaunab posted:

ThePeavstenator posted:

there are lots of places in america that are not the south if cities aren't your thing or you want to hear jazz

JFairfax posted:

Mississipi is the home of the delta blues, historically it's a very interesting part of america

54 40 or gently caress posted:

This guy has to be leaving something out. She's getting sweet pay, benefits ets and though I'm sure it's a strain in some aspects, they probably aren't living hand to mouth or anything. Maybe he's a lazy slob and not pulling his weight around the house or something.

ThePeavstenator posted:

there are lots of places in america that are not the south if cities aren't your thing or you want to hear jazz

abigserve posted:

Translation:

I enjoy watching movies about video games, playing video game, travelling to the mall and hiking from my car to the store to purchase videogames

Mocking Bird posted:

If you have a history of drug use/OD in your family cocaine and amphetamines stop being "fun occasional party drugs" and become very scary. I think calling it a hard drug is fair, especially if they planned to use to the point they were going to be so high it would make their sober buddy uncomfortable.

I don't mind people who party but I have a thing about people pretending that cocaine isn't dangerous vv

WampaLord posted:

Ahahaha how white bread is that lady where that's vulgar to her?

Gaunab posted:

My [16/M] dad [45/M] touched my aunt [25/F] inappropriately without her consent, and I witnessed the whole thing.

quote:

I am feeling like such a jerk at this moment in time and having mixed emotions on whether I made the right or selfish decision. I apologize if this is a bit scattered, this just happened within the last hour.

My mom, sister and I went in on a horse together 1.5 years ago. We thought it would be a great way to bond with one and other as well as pursue a hobby. We ended up buying a horse that was more or less like a rescue situation, but we didn't know the depth of what we were getting into until later on into our ownership.

The horse will not train well under saddle (which was the sole purpose of us purchasing) , ended up having many health issues that were not prevalent during the vet check, and he destroys the paddock in various ways throughout the week which means we either a) pay for a fix or b) pay for the supplies and fix it ourselves.

I am an avid animal lover, however I am 24 years old trying to get on my own two feet. My mom feels similarly to me and believes we should sell the horse. I would never sell him to the first buyer and be done with it- I would do research on who was purchasing him and make sure we had a buy-back contract so if they felt like he was too much or they weren't interested we would take him back.

My sister and I sat down 6 months ago and had a discussion. We agreed that within 5 months if she didn't want to sell that she could take on my financial part in it- because it is draining my wallet. I am basically shoveling out 300/month (which may not seem like a lot, but to me it is a big chunk of my budget) that could go into my savings.

Fast forward to tonight, I broke the news that I would no longer be financially supportive of this decision as prior discussions and agreements were in place. I have even told my mom that my share of the horse when/if he is sold can go directly into her pocket. That's a minimum of $2500 which the potential of more. My mom and sister are so mad at me right now they wont even talk to me. My sister called me selfish, my mom feels slighted and I feel like finally standing up for myself financially has put me in a really bad place with the two of them.

My sister shops. A lot. She is constantly coming home with designer handbags, boots, coats, and at least 3 times a week there is a box on our doorstep with something new she has purchased online. I don't know the dollar amount of how much she spends on her personal shopping, but it's completely obvious that it surpasses my percentage of the horse, and more.

My mom doesn't make a lot of money, nor do I. Even with a diploma and 'career' I am having a difficult time balancing my budget. I am trying to make the right steps in restarting my savings (which the horse has completely depleted.) My sister has ridden horses for many years, so she is comfortable and safe riding this unpredictable horse, whereas my mom and I can't. We have both been bucked off numerous times, he has even tried to trample me in the paddock twice.

So in my mind my sister was given the opportunity to sell him, make some money, or figure out someone that could maybe lease him to cover my expenses. She had 5 months to figure this out, but she has procrastinated and I just can't afford to fund her hobby anymore. My sister can afford to pursue this hobby comfortably, but she is pointing her finger at me saying it's my fault that my mom has to pay my share when in reality she could afford it and not burden my already financially riddled mom.

I feel like financially I made the right decision, but I could be wrong. I just need some non-bias feedback or opinions on this matter. I am feeling so horrible and I just don't know where to go from here.

tl;dr: I backed out of a faulty investment, gave 5 months notice for preparation and plan making, and nothing was done. I stood up for myself and put my foot down and now I feel like the worlds biggest rear end in a top hat.

Haifisch posted:

My [24F] just had to stand up financially to my [30F] sister and my [56F] mom.

Horses: Not even once.