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negromancer posted:Not to be unsympathetic to what you guys are talking about, but... It depends on demographic and situation. Most black people that "date black people" grow up in black areas, meet someone relatively young, and end up with them/date them. Or they end up in black areas, and date who is around them. To date black outside of the pockets where black people live take special effort and an actual preference to date black people, or searching for them. In works that way with many minorities. If you grow up black and don't end up with anyone around you, and are looking to date in your late 20s or 30s after moving into a predominately white area, you aren't going to see very many eligible black women to date. And then, when you start looking for things like "not religious," "no kids," etc., it drops even further because a proportionately higher percentage of a smaller pool of women will be "taken" in those categories because white men who do fetishize them snatch them up. I don't/didn't date women "because they were" any race, so when you aren't particularly looking for anything in richer, whiter neighborhoods, or places where the black people around are generally lower income, and you're not, it takes special effort to find eligible black women.
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Nov 13, 2016 17:41
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You didn't need to write the multiple paragraphs about why you don't date black women.
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Nov 13, 2016 17:46
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Buschmaki posted:You didn't need to write the multiple paragraphs about why you don't date black women. Apparently so, because when explained why it happens all of the time in the first post, someone still said it was "weird." And also: Darko posted:I've dated every race, myself, Darko fucked around with this message at 18:07 on Nov 13, 2016 |
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Nov 13, 2016 17:57
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Buschmaki posted:You didn't need to write the multiple paragraphs about why you don't date black women. Fat biracial woman here, and OKC sucked and I'm glad I somehow found my partner through this dead gay forum. Dating before him was pretty meh in that more white men are into black women than I thought, but it has a bit of a stigma. America way more so, but I'd also get a lot of fetishists (for black women and for fat women, sometimes both  ). Sweden, which is outrageously, like shades of white I didn't know could exist, white, seems to be a bit more laxer with swirls, and I've seen more white dude-black/brown gal couples here, which is pretty nice. However, I've also had a lot of Swedish dudes here hit on me and it is weird as hell. My first (and only!) cat caller here was this creepy white old man while I was doing laundry. He got up and walked away from me silently when I mentioned that I lived with my partner here.
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Nov 13, 2016 18:04
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Buschmaki posted:You didn't need to write the multiple paragraphs about why you don't date black women. lol, all he said was, "If you don't live in an area with mostly black people," which once was infrequent but is becoming vaguely more common, "you have to go out of your way to date black women" because there are way less of them around. How did you get "i dont date black women" out of that?
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Nov 13, 2016 18:06
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What the gently caress, you assholes. If you can't talk about dating without being paint-peelingly misogynistic you don't need to be talking about dating in here. Women are human beings.
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Nov 13, 2016 18:09
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Tiny Brontosaurus posted:What the gently caress, you assholes. If you can't talk about dating without being paint-peelingly misogynistic you don't need to be talking about dating in here. Women are human beings. Where's the misogyny?
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Nov 13, 2016 18:14
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Tiny Brontosaurus posted:What the gently caress, you assholes. If you can't talk about dating without being paint-peelingly misogynistic you don't need to be talking about dating in here. Women are human beings. We're talking about numbers and sweeping demographics - not individuals. I don't see any misogyny as I have talked/seen the reverse dating trends being talked about in the same way. I may have missed something, though - can you point out any examples of any misogyny?
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Nov 13, 2016 18:16
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Darko posted:It depends on demographic and situation. Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but wanting to date someone who is not religious and has no kids is some kind of fetish for a white man?
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Nov 13, 2016 18:16
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This might also be the topic to talk about in the misogynoir thread.
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Nov 13, 2016 18:17
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central dogma posted:Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but wanting to date someone who is not religious and has no kids is some kind of fetish for a white man?  No, dude, he's clearly talking about black women being fetishized.teen witch posted:This might also be the topic to talk about in the misogynoir thread. A bunch of black dudes talking about how hard it is find black women like them is the last thing the misogynoir thread needs.
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Nov 13, 2016 18:17
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Martha Stewart Undying posted:Where's the misogyny? Darko posted:We're talking about numbers and sweeping demographics - not individuals. I don't see any misogyny as I have talked/seen the reverse dating trends being talked about in the same way. I may have missed something, though - can you point out any examples of any misogyny? I'm not even playing this poo poo you loving dickheads. Imagine someone in here going "where's the racism?" "we're just talking numbers and sweeping demographics." If you cannot recognize and respect the humanity in all other people you are just some trump-voting trash as far as I'm concerned.
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Nov 13, 2016 18:20
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teen witch posted:This might also be the topic to talk about in the misogynoir thread. please god no
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Nov 13, 2016 18:20
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central dogma posted:Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but wanting to date someone who is not religious and has no kids is some kind of fetish for a white man? No, black people are statistically are more religious and more likely to be single mothers, especially in urban areas. Being a black person (male or female) who is not religious puts you in a minority of black people as is. it also makes you more likely to be college educated, etc. Where you will run into more white people unless you go to a black school. And when you're done with college, you typically don't move back to the inner city. Which means you're a lot more likely to meet less black people in your life's path. Not nearly all, and no way to prove the percentage, but many white men fetishize black women. We know, because we hear some of the ones that -do- go after black women's "locker room talk," where, in being "cool" to us, they tell us how much they love/there's something special about a black woman. You hear the same about Asian/minority women as well. And these guys often end up dating or being with young, attractive, educated, non-Christian black women. Just as many of the same types of white men end up with the most Americanized Asian women.
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Nov 13, 2016 18:24
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Darko posted:No, black people are statistically are more religious and more likely to be single mothers, especially in urban areas. WOMEN ARE PEOPLE YOU loving SHITSTAIN. They are not "taken." They are not THINGS. They are loving PEOPLE.
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Nov 13, 2016 18:26
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Tiny Brontosaurus posted:I'm not even playing this poo poo you loving dickheads. Imagine someone in here going "where's the racism?" "we're just talking numbers and sweeping demographics." Again, point out a specific instance if you see a problem. I'll directly apologize for anything I personally said that is actually misogynist. Saying "trends go like this" has nothing at all to do with disrespecting the humanity in other people. Black women are not the only people who have a problem "finding someone," black men who no longer exist in the stereotypical black experience due to education and success do, as well. And it oftentimes has nothing to do with the stereotype of rejecting black women and wanting other races, but that we become situational minorities, no longer always around people of our own race, but rejected out of sight by the races around us. If someone asks the details of "why," you explain how the demographics shift as you do, which means talking in blanket terms. Minorities don't date like other races, especially black people, as many of us grow up in pockets of poverty or lower middle class situations, which shifts how it works for us, as compared to white people, entirely. Explaining the conflicting trends of a comparison of the situations between those demographics is talking specifically about that, and not about individuals and their individual situation.
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Nov 13, 2016 18:32
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Darko posted:Again, point out a specific instance if you see a problem. I'll directly apologize for anything I personally said that is actually misogynist. No I will not argue the fact of my personhood with you point-by-point, misogynist, no more than I would with a racist. You hosed up, you do the learning. Or just shut the gently caress up and gently caress off forever, that would be great too.
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Nov 13, 2016 18:34
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Tiny Brontosaurus posted:WOMEN ARE PEOPLE YOU loving SHITSTAIN. They are not "taken." They are not THINGS. They are loving PEOPLE. That's why I put quotes around those terms when I used them (there's a chance I missed one, but I did it constantly to draw that distinction). The quotes indicated that it was using the colloquial term for familiarity and how it is generally viewed and not using my actual phrasing. EDIT: The point of using those terms is to show the effects that it ends up having. When other races don't like you and the only race that does like you ends up going with the majority, the general feeling among black people on both sides of the aisle is that their men/women are being "taken" away. Even if it is not the case in all instances, it can often come to feel that white men and women are using their privilege as an advantage over you to take away the chances you could have had, which is why those terms are often used. Darko fucked around with this message at 18:41 on Nov 13, 2016 |
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Nov 13, 2016 18:34
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Tiny Brontosaurus posted:WOMEN ARE PEOPLE YOU loving SHITSTAIN. They are not "taken." They are not THINGS. They are loving PEOPLE. If you tell my wife that I can't take her, she's going to be very upset with you. peace out. (sorry folks, you may now return to your scheduled thread) (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Nov 13, 2016 18:35
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Nov 13, 2016 18:36
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what do you guys think about these white people laugh at and mocking the opinion of a black guy, on tv https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHkPadFK34o
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Nov 13, 2016 18:37
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Darko posted:That's why I put quotes around those terms when I used them (there's a chance I missed one, but I did it constantly to draw that distinction). The quotes indicated that it was using the colloquial term for familiarity and how it is generally viewed and not using my actual phrasing. The quoted words are far from the only problem with what you've been saying, you dehumanizing prick.
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Nov 13, 2016 18:37
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If you're writing multiple paragraphs about the mathematical reasons that prohibit you from dating black people maybe step back a bit.
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Nov 13, 2016 18:41
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I feel like at least part of the problem here is that you felt the need to go "ew gross fat girls wanted to have sex with me" and that's uh, that's kinda not cool bro. Like you don't have to be attracted to anyone if you don't want but you don't have to comment on their appearance and be like "yuck" about it either. Just saying.
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Nov 13, 2016 18:45
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Tiny Brontosaurus posted:The quoted words are far from the only problem with what you've been saying, you dehumanizing prick. Why didn't you guys have the same problem with me when I made the exact same defense for black women in the other thread? Dark0 posted:Detroit is possibly the worst (major) city for a black woman or man to date.
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Nov 13, 2016 18:46
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here's a hint darko- all of your justifications, including that one, ignore the agency of the women in question. they are entirely centered on why you and people like you can't get a date and ignore the thoughts of the women entirely.
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Nov 13, 2016 18:48
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Darko posted:Why didn't you guys have the same problem with me when I made the exact same defense for black women in the other thread? I did, douchebag, I did.
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Nov 13, 2016 18:51
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Lightning Knight posted:I feel like at least part of the problem here is that you felt the need to go "ew gross fat girls wanted to have sex with me" and that's uh, that's kinda not cool bro. That was the other guy not me. I said I understood the gut feeling he was referring to - you see the comparisons with the guys around you, which causes you to focus on the difference in response, but that it wasn't something that should be singled out either. I work in marketing so I'm always talking in wide strokes about demographics/looks/weight/whatever, so me talking about general preference is not necessarily me talking about my personal preference, which I never said. I also worked with marketing in dating sites and know directly how these things are categorized in the numbers and in response. I know this can be sensitive for a lot of people, but I was just trying to give the overriding perspective from those angles on top of personal experience. I'll bow out of this particular discussion now. edit: quick response: K Prime posted:here's a hint darko- all of your justifications, including that one, ignore the agency of the women in question. they are entirely centered on why you and people like you can't get a date and ignore the thoughts of the women entirely. That's the difference. I'm not talking about -the woman-; I'm talking about the trends of thousands of people at once. Darko fucked around with this message at 18:54 on Nov 13, 2016 |
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Nov 13, 2016 18:52
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Darko posted:That was the other guy not me. I said I understood the gut feeling because you see the comparisons with the guys around you, which causes you to focus on the larger response, but that it wasn't something that should be singled out either. Quit doubling down! What the gently caress is wrong with you? Why can't you loving get this? I believe you that you can't see the problem. But there is one, and you need to have enough fundamental respect for other people to believe it exists. Stop loving making it worse! Shut up and loving learn so maybe you will be less of a godawful misogynist tomorrow. gently caress.
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Nov 13, 2016 18:53
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Tiny Brontosaurus posted:Quit doubling down! What the gently caress is wrong with you? Why can't you loving get this? I believe you that you can't see the problem. But there is one, and you need to have enough fundamental respect for other people to believe it exists. Stop loving making it worse! Shut up and loving learn so maybe you will be less of a godawful misogynist tomorrow. He does not want to learn. He is another dumb privileged male hiding behind his dumb preferences a known code for racism and misogyny then crying about why he can't get a loving date.
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Nov 13, 2016 18:59
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Tiny Brontosaurus posted:Quit doubling down! What the gently caress is wrong with you? Why can't you loving get this? I believe you that you can't see the problem. But there is one, and you need to have enough fundamental respect for other people to believe it exists. Stop loving making it worse! Shut up and loving learn so maybe you will be less of a godawful misogynist tomorrow. Because, and not even talking about dating anymore, my focus on making things better is to see the wholes, how people generally think about those things in the big picture, and then find ways to effect the change on that thinking at once. That involves categorizing and trending more than it does the individual experience - and that's generally my framing. A lot of people use a wide framing to explain why they don't have PERSONAL success, which is not what I was doing; I'm talking almost purely about broad trends besides sticking a personal anecdote in there from time to time. This is not about -me- and -my- dating outside of the peppered anecdotes. I apologize that my sperginess and data driven way of viewing things came off as misogynist, and in retrospect, it was a bad idea to come in all data driven in threads where people were focusing mainly on personal experiences. edit: I assure you, I don't see women as trends and possessions to be won and lost in my personal dealings. However, I have found that the only way to explain to white men, especially, that don't understand why black men and women don't just bootstrap them up to dating success since they happen to know some INDIVIDUAL that is attracted to black people, or see black people together, is to use the examples of large numbers and categories to let them see how chances as a whole just drop. I often have to fight their anecdotes with wider trends. It actually tends to have somewhat of a positive effect as it gets them to empathize. Darko fucked around with this message at 19:12 on Nov 13, 2016 |
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Nov 13, 2016 19:02
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That still isn't it. Like, let me rewrite one of your posts to the way I'd have done the perspective to see if I can explain- (I am also a dude so please stop if I'm wrong here anybody watching.)quote:I live in the Detroit area, where there is a huge amount of poverty in the area, and the demographic of that is mostly black. I'm also in my mid/late 30s.
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Nov 13, 2016 19:11
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K Prime posted:That still isn't it. Like, let me rewrite one of your posts to the way I'd have done the perspective to see if I can explain- (I am also a dude so please stop if I'm wrong here anybody watching.) That's better phrasing for much of that, I agree. I thought I had already determined the context from prior posts as talking about some of the things I had run into in the past and relating it to his personal experience, and then bridging it to the wider views - but it's too far removed from the earlier posting to have the proper context - so that makes more sense now. Thanks for quoting it in context to show me exactly what was being referred to. To roll it back, I had an earlier post in the thread that shows that I went through the typical stages of "black man dating grief," including many of the misogynistic - edging viewpoints that I'm being accused of now. Those anecdotes are from various stages being referred to, and how it made me feel, as a black male, at those times, and not referring to me right now. I don't feel any annoyance when anyone at all messages me like I did in the past, I don't categorize women as super hot on a personal level, etc., among other things stated above. Sorry about that, I will try to better watch my phrasing in general. I know understand the points being levied against me, and apologize again, for coming off that way. The only thing that is "current" from that is my current perception of having dated various races, and how I ended up being seen and viewed by their parents, etc. edited for clarity Darko fucked around with this message at 19:24 on Nov 13, 2016 |
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Nov 13, 2016 19:20
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Martian Manfucker posted:I think the message of the story was that the homophobe was closeted. Eh, pretty much. Its just ment to be amusing, not much more to it than that. Tiny Brontosaurus posted:Was it... consensual? Completely. Gay cuban was all about consent. Edit: holy gently caress this thread took a turn for the wtf. 
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Nov 13, 2016 19:39
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Darko posted:Sorry about that, I will try to better watch my phrasing in general. I know understand the points being levied against me, and apologize again, for coming off that way. It's not about word choice and I'm getting a little sick of the pattern where the bigot ignores the arguments of people he's bigoted against, but gratefully accepts the lesser charge from a well-meaning ally from his own side. This applies to all of you loving assholes so the next person chiming in "not me!" can go gently caress himself. Yes, the words you used were bad. But the ideas they were communicating were also bad. You don't see women as human, and you're baffled that anyone would, which is horrifying in a serial killer kind of way. You resent and deny women's agency, their right as human beings to choose who they date. They are doing it wrong because they didn't choose you. You are the only human in the story, so these things must cater to you, and since they didn't they are malfunctioning things. You objectify women's bodies. A body you don't want to gently caress is a body that shouldn't exist, and you resent being reminded that they do. It's an injustice against you that these women failed to construct bodies that please you. You're all sitting here commiserating about how one of the many burdens in your life is all these gat-danged unfuckable women! Oh but you have statistics so it's okay. Because there's never been such a thing as scientific bigotry. Nothing you say against racism means anything at all now, because if you deny anyone's humanity you deny it all.
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Nov 13, 2016 19:39
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This has nothing to do with accepting a lesser charge from someone else. I specifically asked you to quote what was being referred to, as I realized I could be stuck in my own train of thought and not realize what was being referred to and would apologize if necessary or made a mistake. You refused to because "it was my job to see my own misogyny." He actually quoted things in context so I could understand how others were seeing it. It's not about male or female, or greater or lesser charges, it's about someone showing me a perspective where I could see my error. In responding to two people on different ideas, I was relating my younger experience as a black man and framing how I felt at the time, and also relating why it was hard, in general, for black men to find black women to date in an area. Once quoted, I saw how it could all be conflated and look like a big misogynist mess, especially without the framing of me speaking about my past and the earlier post mentioning how many black men, including myself, came off as misogynist PUA people when looking to date because of the scarcity I felt in the dating world as compared to other people. It's (my objectifying views when younger) not an excuse, because I still could have listened to women, faster, but it is an all too common effect. That's why I said phrasing and not word usage; I didn't frame things correctly, and apologized for coming off the way I did by doing that. It's up to you if you feel I'm being genuine or if I really am talking about my past or not. Darko fucked around with this message at 19:53 on Nov 13, 2016 |
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Nov 13, 2016 19:51
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Ignoring the racial component to this: Dude: ~things that are offensive towards women~ Ladies: what the gently caress bro that's not cool Dude: Are you sure it's not cool? Can you point to me the uncool parts? I'm just a humble math nerd trying to explain why I can't get a date.
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Nov 13, 2016 19:56
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Thanking the person in here who bought me the av! Just uncle tomming my way on through these threads.
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Nov 13, 2016 20:13
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Martha Stewart Undying posted:Thanking the person in here who bought me the av! Just uncle tomming my way on through these threads. Those red texts aren't coming from inside the thread, dude. There's a racist white poo poo-stirrer giving Lowtax astonishing amounts of money to insult every single person who posts in these threads.
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Nov 13, 2016 20:42
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Tiny Brontosaurus posted:
And people were calling me stupid for saying it was LF 2.0 a Fyad-light DnD board is never a good idea.
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