/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

Bonzo posted:

same

There are many movies that I've only seen the first and last 5 minutes of.

There are many movies I've only seen the dvd menu of.

# ? Nov 18, 2016 17:29

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# ? May 23, 2024 13:40

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

[40M] is my wife [40F] having an affair

quote:

My wife spends much of her time on line sharing her fantasies and emotions with another women then comes to bed horny and wants me to finish her off after ignoring me for most of the evening. She has been involved the the same person for the yrs even though they have never met in person. The even exchange sexy holiday and birthday gifts via ups. Is this considered an affair? I can not really consider it infidelity since she has my person. Also my wife is a very moralistic monogamist and lectured everyone she mets on the values of monogamy.

tl;dr when does only fantasy and emotional shedding become an affair?

# ? Nov 18, 2016 17:30

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Bonzo posted:

same

There are many movies that I've only seen the first and last 5 minutes of.

Yeah there are many movies I've seen the first five minutes of, then missed the second five minutes, then seen the rest of

uhhhh I mean yeah first and last 5 minutes, me too

# ? Nov 18, 2016 17:36

A Moose: Oct 22, 2009

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/5dhq4j/i_messed_up_a_breakup_do_i_have_to_stay_out_of/

I messed up a breakup. Do I have to stay out of his life forever? [17F] [18M]Breakups
submitted 21 hours ago by naiveandguilty

quote:

I had to breakup with my LDR. We've never actually met. I hashed the breakup and really hurt him, so I'm staying away for now, even though I want to try and fix it.
But I've never been in a relationship before and idk how to handle this. I can't STAND the thought of never, ever speaking to him again. I feel like he doesn't want to see me again ever because I hurt him so much. But, in a few months when this has all calmed down can I reach out to him again? To apologise and see how he is. Or is it no contact forever?
Being online is difficult because there is no way we can 'bump into' eachother. It's whether I message him months down the line. For a closure chat. Or will this rip open wounds?
tldr; Messy breakup, keeping out of his life for now. Is this no contact forever or can I message him in a few months to discuss things better?

# ? Nov 18, 2016 17:38

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

My wife recently mentioned to me that sometime she wants to finish watching the movie we started watching 4 years ago.

# ? Nov 18, 2016 17:38

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

[40M] is my wife [40F] having an affair

... Wat

# ? Nov 18, 2016 17:42

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Yeah, but it was specifically the Netflix thing. Sigh. I'm the type of cine nerd that might be slightly annoyed you're trying to bone me while the movie is going. This scene is the apex of this director's career, woman!

There were other things I mentioned along with the movies like playing board games with buddies or just chatting or w/e, but noooo, totally looking for a boning. Not that I would really complain, but that's their business, not mine.

# ? Nov 18, 2016 18:05

CharlestonJew: Jul 7, 2011; Illegal Hen

Pvt.Scott posted:

Yeah, but it was specifically the Netflix thing. Sigh. I'm the type of cine nerd that might be slightly annoyed you're trying to bone me while the movie is going. This scene is the apex of this director's career, woman!

same

please stop touching my dick honey this is the part where john wick shoots a guy in the head

# ? Nov 18, 2016 18:07

PokeJoe: Aug 24, 2004; hail cgatan

woe is me, I'm getting laid

# ? Nov 18, 2016 18:12

Syncopated: Oct 21, 2010

I've had sex as well., just FYI.

# ? Nov 18, 2016 18:16

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

PokeJoe posted:

woe is me, I'm getting laid

Look, you can't pay attention to the clever use of foreshortening and Dutch angles to convey the protagonist's sense of existential dread with my dick in your mouth!

# ? Nov 18, 2016 18:33

RNG: Jul 9, 2009

Pvt.Scott posted:

Look, you can't pay attention to the clever use of foreshortening and Dutch angles to convey the protagonist's sense of existential dread with my dick in your mouth!

I think she's learning all she needs to know about Dutch angles and foreshortening :buddy:

# ? Nov 18, 2016 19:47

Bonzo: Mar 11, 2004; Just like Mama used to make it!

My girlfriend's [25F] insane secrecy is starting to make me [26M] question the future of our relationship. Am I being overly paranoid?

quote:

We've been together for almost 2 years, and as you can probably imagine, things are starting to get pretty serious. Talks of moving in together, pretty serious "future talk", planning extended holidays with each others family, that sort of thing. Lately, though, I've been having second doubts about our relationship.

My girlfriend has always been a very secretive/private person. And when I say that, I don't mean that she just doesn't post on Facebook very often or talk about personal issues at work. I mean that for the first few months of our relationship, I didn't even know where she lived. She would insist on meeting at her friend's place (who was frequently out of town) because it was closer to where I lived. Weird, I know. Then, when I finally did see where she lived...not a single personal touch. No photos, no trinkets, nothing. It looked like some kind of migrant worker lived there. And she's never very forthcoming with personal details. Getting her to share about her past is like pulling teeth.

And maybe I was dumb to put up with all this. I know what everyone is probably thinking, I was a side piece, she's involved in illegal poo poo...whatever. But I liked her a lot and she seemed trustworthy enough, even with the sketchy lack of personal details. We had a lot of mutual friends who vouched for her not being a serial killer or drug kingpin, so it all seemed okay. I stuck with it, we kept dating, and we formed a really great relationship.
Then I met her family...and they're the same way. Wanna know what the first thing I noticed was? They have accents. All of them. My girlfriend does not. Oh yeah, she was born/raised in a foreign country until the age of 8. Never knew. I have no idea what her mother or father does for a living. If I ask, I get vague answers. Oh, he's in business. Oh, she's in marketing. Try to bond with her dad over the Thanksgiving football game? You're rooting for the Bears? Did you used to live in Chicago? "No." So why them? "I want to." It's just a little bizarre. That's how everything goes with them. What made you move to America? "Wanted to." How long have you lived in this town? "A while."

Lately, as our relationship gets more serious, it's starting to concern me. There is still so much I don't know about my girlfriend. I have no idea what her finances are. I can roughly guess how much she makes at her job, but she would never tell me. Half the time when she goes out I have no idea where she is. She tells me she's going to visit a family member 2 hours away and then calls me from somewhere a several hour plane ride away and says she's had a change of plans. She has exactly one friend that has known her for longer than 5 years, and he's just as tight-lipped about their childhood/past as she is.

Am I being dumb here? I really do love her. She's an amazing person and I love being around her. Is it stupid to get serious with someone who as secretive as she is? Or am I being overly paranoid?
tl;dr: my girlfriend is very secretive, and it's starting to make me concerned as we talk about building a real life together. Am I being overly paranoid or am I dumb to think this is all going to work out?

# ? Nov 18, 2016 20:38

CharlestonJew: Jul 7, 2011; Illegal Hen

Bonzo posted:

My girlfriend's [25F] insane secrecy is starting to make me [26M] question the future of our relationship. Am I being overly paranoid?

he's dating a sleeper agent or something

# ? Nov 18, 2016 20:43

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

Bonzo posted:

My girlfriend's [25F] insane secrecy is starting to make me [26M] question the future of our relationship. Am I being overly paranoid?

the feds really dropped the ball on this one

# ? Nov 18, 2016 20:45

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

The best guess in the thread was witness protection, which seems stupid as hell because I would hope you would get a better backstory.

The better guess was that they are from a culture where they're hated (Roma, possibly) and don't share anything with non-family members.

# ? Nov 18, 2016 20:46

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Not all of the lizard people run the shadow government, you know. Some of them are shadow middle management or shadow shift-leads at fast food places.

E: the stars are right for spawning, and this male's spermatozoa shall make me many strong shoftshells.*

*rather than the traditional eggs, reptoid-human hybrids are gestated in a mucousy sac that lacks a protective layer.

Pvt.Scott fucked around with this message at 20:58 on Nov 18, 2016

# ? Nov 18, 2016 20:54

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Hey it was pretty cool of her to let him meet her handler.

# ? Nov 18, 2016 20:59

Super Waffle: Sep 25, 2007; I'm a hermaphrodite and my parents (40K nerds) named me Slaanesh, THANKS MOM

Maybe the family were all actors she hired in a panic just for that night

# ? Nov 18, 2016 21:13

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

Super Waffle posted:

Maybe the family were all actors she hired in a panic just for that night

artist's rendering of the scene after he left

# ? Nov 18, 2016 21:29

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

This one gets very real very fast
(25F with 22F) I think my sister is going to try and take my rabbits away tonight

quote:

She told me last week that she bought a hutch from the pet shop she lives next to. Yesterday a pet stroller was delivered to my house and I just got a text now saying that she's on her way.
She's expressed interest in taking them away from me before, and has lied to me in the past to try and get me to part with them by saying that my boyfriend hates them and wants me to give them away. I asked him about this and he was confused, saying that he loves my rabbits and I know he plays with then often when he's here.

They're house rabbits and not mistreated. The only vague issue they have caused is that they'd drag out some poop and litter when jumping in and out of their litter box, which I pretty much solved by getting them a bigger litter box with a decent rim and buying heavier litter. They don't eat wires or venture off too far from their litter area and they don't make a mess.
She keeps saying that it's for my own benefit, but I have depression and these rabbits really make me happy. I love taking care of them and seeing them as I walk around the house. They've made me reconsider suicide twice now just by wandering up to me at the right time.

They're gorgeous rabbits and amazingly friendly so she thinks that they love her the most, which means she should have them. Even if I was willing to part with them, I don't like how she treats them very much. One hates being picked up and is scared of heights and the other doesn't mind being held, but doesn't like being forced to stay on someone's lap. My sister keeps picking them up and carrying them around, and doesn't let them go when they start struggling.

I've told her multiple times that it isn't happening, but she won't let up. I don't know what to do. Only one of them is tagged right now.
How do I get her to stop trying to steal them from me?

update: I'm in hospital now and I'm terrified that she will take them while I'm here, but at least the police are aware and saw that they are clearly mine. When I told her how I felt about things and tried to get her to see why I was upset she said she'd kill herself if she didn't get the rabbits, and also threatened to tell the police that I was trying to stab her if I called them on her.
I have just changed medication a couple of weeks ago and started therapy recently for borderline/depression and so I've been pretty erratic and irrational right now. This surprise visit came at a really bad time for me. Particularly as I can be really suicidal when I'm unmedicated and new medication takes a month or two to start actually doing anything. I also haven't slept in two days which didn't help. I'm normally medicated and don't behave this way.
When she started laying into how I'm a such a miserable waste of time and resources, nothing but an attention seeker who has nothing wrong with her because mental illness and personality disorders are pseudoscience and not real, someone who can be nothing but a burden on everyone around her and how I deserve nothing in life for around an hour, I figured it's probably best for my family if I die and I hung myself. My dad stopped me from suffocating and called the EMS. When she saw me she said I was a loving stupid oval office and that I should have died.
I'm such an idiot. I'm sorry.

update 2: She took them while i was in hospital and I'm calling the police now.
update 3: I'm meeting with the police tomorrow and my mother's main carer said she'll vouch for me as she's been in our house everyday for the past year. My sister has told my dad that she is going to report me for attempted murder in retaliation. My dad was with us when we were arguing and saw that I did nothing to her and kept my distance, and the police were here after I attempted suicide and saw she was unharmed so I don't know what she expects to come of that.

tl;dr My sister keeps trying to get me to part with my rabbits, and now she's really getting bold about it and I'm scared of what she might do.

I found this one too from earlier in the same year, could be the same people

My sister wants the rabbits I care for (24F +22F)

quote:

We used to live together, and decided to get two rabbits around a year ago. I was left to make all the arrangements and payments as I had decided it'd be nice to rehome some bunnies that couldn't be cared for anymore by their old owners.

She decided that they should have their cage in her room so that she could play with them all the time, and it turned out that I had to do the messy business of cleaning up after them, litter training and socialising them with each other because she wouldn't. I also ended up being the one responsible for providing them with what they needed (cage, water bottles, food, hay, etc.), as well as booking and paying vet appointments. It was fine though, the rabbits were happy and well cared for.
My sister moved out and left the two with me. I made a few changes to their lifestyles that she wouldn't permit before such as letting them wander the house, changing their food to what the vet recommended and feeding them less (the vet said she was overfeeding them) which she is upset about and often scolds me for.
I have been caring for them by myself for half a year now, and she says that when she moves into an apartment that allows animals she is taking them because they are hers and they love her more.

I really love these rabbits. It makes me happy when one walks up to me to lick me, or jumps onto my lap and hides their head in my arms. I don't know how to tell her no without offending her, as my sister can become violently angry and I am very timid and fear loud noises. Last time she was upset she threw the furniture around the house and broke things and I curled up into a ball and had a panic attack. I know it is selfish of me to want to keep them myself, but I've been doing my best to keep them cared for and happy and I would like to continue doing that.
TL;DR Sister wants the rabbits and I don't really want to give them to her. How to best approach this without upsetting her?

Nazzadan fucked around with this message at 22:27 on Nov 18, 2016

# ? Nov 18, 2016 22:25

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Holy poo poo that post is way above Reddit's pay grade. The whole family needs therapy.

Also, it's not really funny. Remember that this thread is for fun.

# ? Nov 18, 2016 22:28

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

From the title I thought it would be a good laugh, but I just found the update to the first story and yeah, I'm not going to post that. After reading the update I'm in a really downer mood now, I need to find a funny one to lift my spirits

# ? Nov 18, 2016 22:30

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

I yukked it up at first about the ages but holy moly that got dark quick Wtf is wrong with that family lol

# ? Nov 18, 2016 22:33

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

Captain Yossarian posted:

I yukked it up at first about the ages but holy moly that got dark quick Wtf is wrong with that family lol

You have no loving idea.

Okay here's a more light hearted one

How do I [21m] ask my girlfriend [22f] of 4.5 months to remove her nipple hair?

quote:

I (21) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (22) for 4.5 months.
She has quite a few hairs around her nipples, maybe 10-15 hairs on each nipple that are about 1 - 1.5 inches long.
I am her first sexual partner, so she had no real reason to remove them before now, because no one else was looking at her breasts.
Also, the first time we had sex happened quite suddenly so she didn't really have a chance to think about whether she wanted to remove her nipple hairs before I saw her breasts.
Her nipple hairs have also grown quite a bit since I first started dating her.
I want her to remove them because I find them unattractive, and also because they get in the way a bit when I suck on her nipples.
I have asked her to remove some of her pubic hair in the past to make it easier to go down on her, but for some reason this seems different. I know that not all women get hairs on their nipples (or at least this many hairs), so I'm afraid that it's something she'll be self-conscious about.
I don't want to come off as a hypocrite, since I have hair on my chest/nipples (though I would happily remove it if she asked).
Also, our relationship is great in every other way, and I am afraid of jeopardising it.
tl;dr: How do I politely ask my girlfriend to remove her nipple hair without making her feel self conscious?

Reddit, how do I talk to my girlfriend??

# ? Nov 18, 2016 22:35

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

I'm gonna be honest I have no idea how to kindly mention nipple hairs so I can't rag on that guy too bad

# ? Nov 18, 2016 22:36

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

quote:

Also, the first time we had sex happened quite suddenly so she didn't really have a chance to think about whether she wanted to remove her nipple hairs before I saw her breasts.

This is a loving fantastic line.

# ? Nov 18, 2016 22:38

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

Someone in the thread had a good way to put it.

quote:

"I really like to suck on them, but the hairs getting in my mouth bugs me, can you remove them?

As long as you don't make her seem like a freak, she would probably be fine

# ? Nov 18, 2016 22:38

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

WampaLord posted:

Holy poo poo that post is way above Reddit's pay grade. The whole family needs therapy.

Also, it's not really funny. Remember that this thread is for fun.

Go create your own thread if it bothers you so much. Neither the thread title or the OP say that this is for funny posts only.

Gaunab posted:

This thread is to post funny or interesting stories from r/relationships and discuss them. The previous thread was one of the many casualties of the previous GBS; hopefully this one does better.

Remember:

1) Don't touch the poop.

2) Try not to go on pages long derails about your superior sex life.

3) Don't talk about how cool your relationships or sex life is; no one cares.

4) Don't defend pedophilia. Just don't.

Me [18 F] sent a nude photo to my boyfriend's [20 M] dad [50 M]

quote:

Today I felt pretty good and I wanted to surprise my boyfriend. When going to the bath I took my clothes off and took a mirror selfie showing literally everything. I sent it to my boyfriend, left my phone next to the sink and went to the bathtub.

In the bathroom with me was my cat. She started playing with the phone so I took it away and locked it. I didn't care about it much.

Skip an hour ahead and I see the photo sent to my boyfriend was also forwarded to his dad. That moment my heart was like it wanted to jump out of my chest, I got all sweaty and shaky.

I don't know what to do. I'm just completely horrified about this situation. I texted my boyfriend and he promised to explain it to his dad. I haven't said a word to his dad yet. Just deleted the message so I didn't have to look at it.

tl;dr: My cat, by playing with my phone, sent a nude to my bf's dad. I don't know what to do now and I feel extremely embarrassed.

# ? Nov 18, 2016 22:40

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Chichevache posted:

Go create your own thread if it bothers you so much. Neither the thread title or the OP say that this is for funny posts only.

The loving OP you quote's first line posted:

This thread is to post funny or interesting stories from r/relationships and discuss them.

Notice the lack of "And it's also for horribly depressing stories about abuse" there? This idea that every now and then we need a downer post is completely stupid, they're loving depressing to read, quit posting them.

# ? Nov 18, 2016 22:44

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

WampaLord posted:

Notice the lack of "And it's also for horribly depressing stories about abuse" there? This idea that every now and then we need a downer post is completely stupid, they're loving depressing to read, quit posting them.

I think the idea was the "or interesting" and the crazy suicide rabbit family story certainly counts

# ? Nov 18, 2016 22:46

the bitcoin of weed: Nov 1, 2014

cover story for trying to gently caress the dad obviously

# ? Nov 18, 2016 22:52

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

My [29 M] Girlfriend [25 F] refuses to play DOTA with me and plays with other people behind my back and I want to break up with her over it.

quote:

I feel like I'm not really not overreacting here and its a pretty stupid thing to break up over but I don't think I can take it anymore.
Essentially I met my GF through a pub in DOTA. She was friendly to play with. She discovered that we both live in the same city we began to talk and it went from there.
We met up and had great sex, no awkward moments... everything seemed natural. She seems to have some social anxiety issues and she needs to spend time alone but I am willing to work with it.
But what I can't seem to work with is her habits online. Our common interest is DOTA and she seems to make excuses lately not to play with me.
At first she claimed that she wanted to raise her solo MMR and thats why she can't queue with me, but she will wait till im asleep to go play with other people. She has done this 3 days in a row and It's pretty much at a dealbreaker. I even made a pretty passive aggressive comment that I wasnt that fun to play with to which she responded by calling me a "u needy gently caress"
I'm not too good with communicating but I'm not sure what else I can do.
How do I approach her in talking about this silly problem. The fact that she doesn't see a fault in it and she knows im upset about it makes me feel like she's purposefully trying to do it to make me upset. I feel like this is childish already and I'm too focused and intertwined in my career and other goals to have this have an effect on me right now.
TLDR; GF Doesnt want to spend time to see me and rather solo queue on dota/play with friends than play with me.

"I'm a scrub-rear end low mmr player and my gf won't play ranked with me, am I right in wanting to leave her??"

# ? Nov 18, 2016 22:53

supernatural blonde: Mar 15, 2005; Lipstick Apathy

The cat knew what it was doing. Bad kitty.

# ? Nov 18, 2016 22:54

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

WampaLord posted:

Notice the lack of "And it's also for horribly depressing stories about abuse" there? This idea that every now and then we need a downer post is completely stupid, they're loving depressing to read, quit posting them.

Why don't you create your own thread where you post that explicitly instead of demanding everyone conform to your posting tastes?

# ? Nov 18, 2016 22:55

supernatural blonde: Mar 15, 2005; Lipstick Apathy

Chichevache posted:

Why don't you create your own thread where you post that explicitly instead of demanding everyone conform to your posting tastes?

I guess you missed the numerous posts in this thread from a mod asking to keep the depressing poo poo out of it?

# ? Nov 18, 2016 22:58

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

Nazzadan posted:

My [29 M] Girlfriend [25 F] refuses to play DOTA with me and plays with other people behind my back and I want to break up with her over it.

"I'm a scrub-rear end low mmr player and my gf won't play ranked with me, am I right in wanting to leave her??"

Hahaha nice...

# ? Nov 18, 2016 22:58

Marijuana Nihilist: Aug 27, 2015; by Smythe

supernatural blonde posted:

I guess you missed the numerous posts in this thread from a mod asking to keep the depressing poo poo out of it?

lol we should definitely care about people's fee-fees in gbs

# ? Nov 18, 2016 23:00

BOOTY-ADE: Aug 30, 2006; BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

Coolness Averted posted:

:bigtran:: "So how many people have you slept with?"
: "2, How about you?"
:bigtran: "I don't feel comfortable answering that."

If someone's answer to this kind of question is anything but "why does it matter?" or "who cares?", they're in for a bad time. It's the easiest and quickest way to find out how insecure someone is before accidentally dipping their toes into Lake Psycho.

# ? Nov 18, 2016 23:01

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 23, 2024 13:40

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

Don't post the lovely depressing ones.

# ? Nov 18, 2016 23:01

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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