lohli posted:

It was from a few months ago, there were actually some really good responses.

quote:

For the record I am a small framed, visibly muscular, 5'4 woman whose weight fluctuates anywhere between 128-135.

My boyfriend has always teased and encouraged me to eat more but it's always been playful before. I used to tease him about his mammoth sized portions (seriously where does it go) because I had to start making date night dinners that should serve 4!

To be clear he constantly underestimates his calories and is often shocked when reading nutritional information. I don't know where he got the idea he's knowledgeable enough to be judging what I'm eating but there you go.

Lately he's become very fixated on this idea I'm going to start starving myself without his guidance. I don't have a big sweet tooth, I don't snack on the regular, I only eat about 1/2 of my restaurant entrees (we usually split an appetizer), I'm a lightweight, and I prefer a light lunch. These are all things he's starting to criticize on the regular.

I want y'all to understand I'm really not depriving myself. I don't go hungry, I just don't enjoy stuffing myself. He doesn't listen when I tell him he's constantly ruining my appetite by forcing snacks on me.

Yesterday we woke up late and I knew we were going out to lunch so I only had one slice of thick brioche French toast (powdered sugar, syrup, butter), 1/2 a peach, and two slices of summer sausage. He had five slices of French toast with all the toppings and whipped cream, 1&1/2 peach, the rest of the summer sausage, and an egg.

I ended up eating a third slice of his summer sausage, dipped in his egg to get him to stop nagging me. He made another two comments about how little I ate before lunch.

Then at lunch he had new fights to pick. He didn't want me to order plain iced tea or a diet soda. I don't like overly sweet drinks. He didn't want me to order an entree salad (ranch, bacon, avocado, egg, etc). We negotiated my lunch to a breadstick, a side salad add avocado, and two slices of pizza that he nagged me to finish until his dad told him to layoff because he didn't want me too full for gelato later. The whole meal was pretty embarrassing for me.

Of course my boyfriend wasn't happy that I wanted a small gelato, cup instead of cone (I don't have a sweet tooth, remember?).

We knew we were going to have a late dinner so we stopped at a gas station later that evening to get him a snack. I just wanted water but picked up a small package of corn nuts in the hopes of making him happy and we still had a minor spat so I picked some candy too (he didn't notice he was the one to end up eating it). He claimed we disagreed because I was irritable from hunger.

We picked up dinner at a buffet style place that charges you by weight for to-go containers. He decided I had to use a medium container instead of a small. Admittedly I just filled the difference with varieties of salad but I also had a very rich Mac and cheese and some fried foods in my container as well. He was bothered by the small portions I was serving myself but I was taking many more varieties than him (think sample platter). My container was full.

This is where we had our first real fight about my eating habits. He decided to make a third container of food to make sure I ate enough when we got home. The restaurant we were at was not cheap! I refused to back down on not blowing a bunch of money on food that we'd just end up picking at and throwing away. A lot of the things he picked are foods I don't like reheated.

We've been working hard on being more frugal together lately so I was pretty pissed when he ignored me and paid for the extra food.

In the car ride on the way home the argument continued until it got to the point where he was very frustrated and teared up as he shouted "I work so hard to take care of you and you're always fighting me to hurt yourself!" He then proceeded to give me a long, condescending guilt trip. I was pretty enraged tbh.

Once we were home dinner went cold while we google fought over how calories, protein, sugar, my BMI work, you name it.

No matter what I showed him he wouldn't back down on not "feeling" like I don't eat enough because "muscle weighs more than fat so you're actually underweight and hiding it by lifting weights". I don't even know what to say to that so I went home.

He texted me twelve times because I left the (cold) dinner at his place. I was ignoring him while I made food but finally caved and told him I was eating something else. He asked me to text him a picture of my food. I never responded and he texted me another three times.

This morning he texted to ask if he could bring me breakfast. I said no.

I'm kind of bewildered and annoyed. I'm not really sure how we can resolve this one?

Tl;dr: My boyfriend is unwilling to accept any proof I'm healthy and I don't feel like living the rest of my life being nagged and force fed.

quote:

So in case anyone is wondering turns out my (now) ex's mother and two sisters had him convinced I had some kind of eating disorder and would nag at him about it and make him feel like crap for "letting" me hurt myself. All three of them are obese so idk why he weighed their opinion on nutrition so heavily. I pointed that out (with more tact) and we had a much better conversation about why he needed to lay off on how I eat. He did make a lot of effort to keep his opinions to himself but could never completely let his worry go.

Officially this isn't why we broke up but it was kind of like the shattering illusion from HIMYM that kind of made me start noticing how he's quick to be arrogant, condescending, and patronizing when he thinks he's right and how he buys into every dumb thing his family tells him without question. Stuff like that.

tl;dr: Boyfriend's overweight family was telling him I must have an eating disorder. We talked it out but broke up later anyway.

HardDiskD posted:

My [24f] boyfriend [25m] of 8 months is starting to police my eating habits and I'm tired of it.


Update:

quote:

I[28F] hate my SO's[31M] new hairstyle so much I want to break up with him.

Throwaway, bc everyone does it. Sorry, this seems like such a petty, shallow issue, but I don't really know what the best course of action is.
I didn't think I was a shallow person until the last few months. I've been dating my boyfriend for 4.5 years. In the beginning, he was pretty good about grooming: regular haircuts, dressed well, shaved every couple days. The last few years, he has been a lot more lax because he knows that I love him and that he doesn't have to impress me with his looks. I never criticize the clothing my boyfriend wears around me(usually an oversized t-shirt and baggy basketball shorts), tell him to cut his hair when it has gotten long and shaggy, or make him shave--he is Asian and cannot grow anything past sparse, prickly hairs that look...questionable. They also poke me quite painfully when we kiss or if he spoons me, which is pretty every 20 minutes when we're together, but that's a separate issue.
His Asian family never has any difficulty telling him that he needs a haircut or that his facial hair looks gross, but I've always made a point to not criticize his grooming choices, even though I personally do dislike his whiskers and shaggy hair sometimes. They all hate his current haircut.

The last few months though, he has taken it to a whole new level: he's growing a MULLET. After several months of not getting a haircut, he came back with the top and sides trimmed, but all of the hair at the back of his head untouched. He has asked me if I like it, and I politely say no, but his attitude is basically, 'Oh well.' He likes it a lot and he feels like it is an expression of his inner self.
But me saying "no I don't like it" is a huge understatement. I hate it. When I look at him I don't get the warm, fuzzy feelings I used to get. I feel 'ick.' When he sleeps, he tosses around a lot and it ends up looking really ratty and tangled, which he doesn't always fix before going out. I feel like he looks ridiculous and I'm really upset we're going to my company holiday party where I'll have to introduce him to my managers/peers. I don't want to be seen in public with him. I don't want to hang out with old friends and have them know the guy I am dating has a mullet. It's gotten pretty long over the last 6 months, and I don't know if/when he will go back to a more 'normal' haircut.

The thing is, I've really started to feel like I got the short end of the stick. I'm a pretty considerate partner in many ways, while he has some immature tendencies. I was always willing to overlook them because I know he tries really hard to improve himself, and he has grown a lot in 4.5 years, but this is too much. I'm a girly girl and take pretty good care of myself and always try to stay attractive to him, and it feels like he doesn't even try anymore.

He loves this hairstyle and I think it's become part of his identity. I feel guilty telling him that I don't like it and I never thought I was the type of person to force my partner to look a certain way. I have not been able to reconcile these feelings and I don't know what I should do. I do believe if I told him how much I hated it, he would unhappily cut it, but I worry he will resent me if I give him an ultimatum. He hardly ever asks me for anything (though I don't ask him for much either), and he has never had a problem with my appearance, so I'm sure he will feel this is unfair.
Sorry if you have a mullet. I don't hate all mullets, but I don't want the guy I am dating to have one.

tl;dr: My boyfriend is growing a mullet and I hate it. He says it feels like he is being his most honest self, and I don't want to repress that. What do I do?

quote:

My [41M] wife[39F] of 11 years is heartbroken because she was unfaithful to me and the man she was with has cut off contact.

I love my wife and our 2 daughters (4 and 2).

We moved to a new city and one of the reasons was to get a fresh start. I was in the Navy and during my last deployment, my wife started a relationship with someone she worked with.

At least twice now, on two business trips back to the original city, my wife fooled around with him. I found out about the first encounter about a year after it happened and I felt we were working through it.

A few weeks before Thanksgiving, my wife had another trip to the original city (business). I noticed her trip was an extra day longer and her hotel was a few blocks from where the other man worked. I had confronted her about the coincidence of her hotel choice before the trip, specifically addressing him,and she told me he had nothing to do with her travel plans and it was all based on cheapest airfare/lodging.

The day before thanksgiving I found online chat between her and him reminiscing about the great day they spent together and the things they did in the hotel room.

I was devastated. I screenshotted the convo and sent it to his wife (yes, this guy is married too). I then confronted my wife and told her that it was over and at this point I don't see how our relationship was salvageable.

Fast forward through Thanksgiving with her family, she convinces me to leave the girls with the grandparents and get out of town for a few days.

We actually had a really good time, and not just sex. It was fun, like we used to have and reminded me of why I loved her and she said the same to me. I felt hope.

Monday she gets a message from him(he is angry) because I guess his wife never saw the message I had sent her until then. He is angry that my wife did not warn him. He then says they will never talk again.

I think that this is a good thing, but my wife is devastated. She cried in my arms last night because she loves him and may never speak to him again. She said I am lucky because I only love one person.

She also says that she wants this to work, that she only sees a life with me in it. But after seeing her reaction to how "quickly he cut her out of his life without really talking to her", I've lost that hope.

I feel like my life is over, that there is no chance for us now.

I don't know what to do. I still love her. She is a good mother. I can't imagine my life without her but I feel broken.

tl;dr:

My wife is in love with the man with whom she cheated on me. He broke it off with her under no uncertain terms after I sent proof to his wife and my wife feels heartbroken. Is my relationship past all hope?

Doctor J Off posted:

Has he considered compersion?

WampaLord posted:

Comforting your wife who's sad because the man she's cheating on you with left her is like ultra compersion.

Gaunab posted:

insufficient guns posted:

Why would you date someone you weren't sexually attracted to and not have sex for a year?

HardDiskD posted:

My [24f] boyfriend [25m] of 8 months is starting to police my eating habits and I'm tired of it.


Update:

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

This one is so sad. The dude was/is almost certainly attracted to his girlfriend and they weren't doing it until recently solely because of his sexual trauma. I feel really bad for him, actually. He's finally able to get it up again for the first time after being assaulted with the woman he loves and she just makes it about her because she's neurotic and shallow as hell.

I looked at the reddit comments and most of the posters are blasting her for being petty and inconsiderate, so that's some solace.

quote:

My ex gf won't take me back

Hello my name is Derrick and I been in a relationship for 3years with my gf we have a adorable baby girl and this relationship been going awesome we was bout to get married to but her mom moved in and they really dent get along bc her mom would force us to do stuff like go to church even I have to work and the days in sick like really sick she makes me go ..... Every time me and my gf talking in the room her mom always wanna hear Wat were talking about and then she tells us negitive stuff about it that we don't Wanamaker hear........ Let me go with the story.. OK one day my gf went to church and she came back different she told her mom to tell me so her mom said we have to split in different rooms..... And they been in the room talking alot ... I can't talk to my gf with out her mom there bc my gf don't wanna hide anything from her mom .... My gf stopped showing me love and just Had me cleaning with her.... going to church...... I cryed out to her to give me more love .... She don't even kiss me one.... One day she told me its over live with ur mom so I called my to come pick me up and I called her bugging her to take me back and telling her she wasn't like this before she told me god told her she don't need me..... Week later she called me and asked me out I said yes of course we talk about how much we loved each other and she told me that I have a ungodly soul tie off and dumped me again ..... I told her I thought we was Finns get married and she said u have to get it off u... GUYS I HAVE ALOT MORE TO SAY BUT I NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO BC I REALLY LOVE HER AND IM SUFFERING DEPRESSION AND Y BODY IS CONFUSED I HAVENT ATE IN 3DAYS AND I DONT FOOL HUNGRY JUST HURT AND PAIN I REALLY NEED MOTIVATE BC THE I TYPED IN MIGHT NOT MAKE SINCE SO TELL ME WAT U THINK

La Brea Carpet posted:

Holy crap, I know cuck is a stupid joke around here, but holding your sobbing wife because her lover left her is like the professional level of cuckolding.

That one girls fiance must have read this one handed.

quote:

So yes, I held her as she cried that this man was deceitful. I stroked her hair as she told me how much she hurt and how she felt that she threw away her life for something so stupid. I saw the confusion in her eyes, and the pain that he caused her. Because of all we had been through, and who she was to me for 10 years, I did my best to comfort her.

That isn't weakness friend. Sympathy despite your own pain is an incredible strength. Don't ever insult someone for something that humanity needs a little more of.

quote:

This is true. Sometimes affairs can even improve marriages in the long run because they expose a lot of issues and dysfunctionality in a relationship. The most defining factor in what happens afterwards is if both people truly want to repair. The person who cheated will need to understand the gravity of what they have done and the impact it had on their partner, while the other partner will need to be willing to listen and understand why their partner cheated.

Of course in OPs situation it is best to walk away. But many people build long lasting, healthy relationships after facing the hardship of an infidelity.

quote:

You are not a doormat, you do have a backbone, and loving somebody else to get even is childish. Feelings are not as black and white as the people here would like them to be. If you want to stay married to your wife, then stay married to your wife. It sounds like she might be polyamorous, though. A poly person married to a monogamous person is a recipe for disaster. I suggest you find a poly-friendly counselor for the two of you. You really need to dig into what this man and their relationship meant to your wife, and you need a neutral party to work through it with you. Maybe being monogamous with you will be as hurtful to her as having a boyfriend was to you.

Leon Einstein posted:

These guys must feel their options are extremely limited to put up with that sort of poo poo. I don't even think cheating once is forgivable, let alone repeatedly.

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

He must really, really want to stay together for his kids, which is, of course, a horrible idea. Either that, or he has a secret fetish, which is much less likely... I just wonder what his cheating wife would have to do to convince him to leave at this point after cheating on him multiple times for what seems to be years. Have some dignity, dude.

quote:

Here's the main point I get from this, and one you should probably consider.

Will your wife cry in someone's arms if/when she loses you? I doubt it. I'd be willing to bet money that instead of acting devastated, she lashes out and blames you.

Edit: The more I think about this, the more you seem like a doormat (and I'm so sorry to say that after everything you've been through). Think about it:

quote:

He is angry that my wife did not warn him

This screams that she never even considered ending it with him. She didn't call to warn him, didn't let him know it was over between the two of them, even after...

quote:

I then confronted my wife and told her that it was over and at this point I don't see how our relationship was salvageable.

She thought your relationship was over. Did she break down crying then? Did she beg you for forgiveness? Did she tell you she would cut all contact to save your relationship?

It sounds like what she did is drag you off on a little one-on-one get away to make you suddenly forget she was doing things with another man, every single chance she gets, and lying to you before and after, for the last few years.

Have some respect for yourself and for your kids. Let her go off and ruin people's marriages, but let her be done ruining yours. Don't you feel like you deserve someone who is faithful and honest?

almightyerin posted:

Had me cleaning with her
Going to church
I cryed out to her to give me more love
She don't even kiss me one.

54 40 or gently caress posted:

I feel bad for this person who is clearly either retarded or is a chav. Possibly both.

54 40 or gently caress posted:

I feel bad for this person who is clearly either retarded or is a chav. Possibly both.

quote:

Homeless, Pregnant with Twins, and Happy About It.
Ugh, I need to vent.
I work at a large, urban library. A lot of homeless people come every day and kind of make the library their base of operations. Today, one of them came up to me, smiled and asked where the books on pregnancy were. When I directed her to the right floor, she announced happily, "I'm having twins!"
She's homeless, she's having twins and she's happy. I just don't get how those things all go together. If I was a homeless person I would cuff my ankles together to avoid any more catastrophes. Unless they're rape babies, this woman could have NOT had sex. I know abstinence is a dirty word to most free-thinking people, but it still prevents pregnancy. I don't know what kind of BC options are out there for the homeless; we have a Planned Parenthood in town by my state is still very conservative.
And now this woman is happy she will be locking herself into poverty and dragging two innocent souls into a world full of hunger, crime, addiction and all kinds of other danger.
I don't know whether to cry or just sit in the dark and brood. The only thing I can hope for is that she gets into some sort of program. Or that maybe I'm wrong about the whole scenario. She had a guide on where to get help if you're homeless in her hand. If she's just someone who wants to volunteer, that would relieve my mind but I'm not counting on it.
Thanks for letting me vent! This is extremely depressing and I just wanted to get it off my chest.

quote:

Male paternity leave is essentially one long cigarette break.
Sorry no flair on mobile.
I work in IT as second call support. On my team there is one other person who does this job with me. We get a lot of extra projects and grunt work dumped on us. Well my counterpart knocks up his wife and now gets a free month off of paid vacation just because he created a crotch goblin? All the while I get double work dumped on me for the time he's gone.
CF people should get a free month worth of vacation every say 7 years of employment at a company. I understand female maternity leave. It's basically surgery with a terrible baby by product.
/rant

quote:

S/O (32M) and me (20F) have been in a committed, monogamous relationship for a year, living together for 6 months. This is the first time either of us has lived with a S/O and when it comes to finances, we both have very different views.

Back in February, I vented to him about my then roommie/living situation and how I wanted to get my own place. His response was, "I'm looking to purchase a house in April, why don't you live with me?" As this was my first time in this situation, I accepted without having any discussions pertaining to rent, groceries, or what I expected from him while residing in HIS house.

In my last condo, rent was $500 for my own bdrm and bath. When I moved in with S/O, (sharing literally everything) he insisted upon my rent being $600. I thought this was normal (until I had a discussion with my parents) and during the summer months I was making good money, so I paid him rent. In October, business came to a halt and I was unable to pay the full amount. We now have a roommate in our 2nd bdrm who pays $750 and S/O is still charging me $300 for rent.

I feel that this is unfair because he makes 3x as much as I do in the busy times and when I pay him rent I'm literally paying his mortgage. Everything in the house is HIS and I feel like I don't really have my own space to be an individual. He wants to be the man, drive around in a fancy car, and have an adult-y day job, but he doesn't want to help me financially in any way unless I'm paying him back. My parents say maybe S/O is not mature and is acting selfish. My mom can't believe that I actually pay rent and believes that as a man, he should be taking care of me and the house.

I guess what I'm really asking is: What should I expect from S/O whom I live with and am planning a future with? How can we financially be equals when he has 12 more years of life experience and his earnings equal 3x mine? What are some social norms for millennial relationships?

TLDR: S/O (32M) owns the house we share, I (20F) pay him rent and I am financially independent. My parents don't think I should be helping to pay his mortgage and that this creates a landlord/tenant relationship. I feel like I can't express myself in my own house, but don't have the finances to have my own place atm. He wants all the nice things in life and makes really good money, but isn't willing to share.

La Brea Carpet posted:

Holy crap, I know cuck is a stupid joke around here, but holding your sobbing wife because her lover left her is like the professional level of cuckolding.

That one girls fiance must have read this one handed.

quote:

I have cried off and on every day since I found out she was leaving. My wife has been consoling me and incredibly supportive

Pick posted:

He shouldn't be 32 and dating a 20 year old. He should get his own developing emotional maturity like a man and not a child.

Tender Bender posted:

There's a similar one a few months ago from a husband's perspective where he fell in love with his young beautiful coworker and she moved away with her boyfriend and he had an emotional breakdown and talked about how he is crying every day while his wife comforts him. It was the most pathetic thing I've ever seen.

Found it:

I [34 M, married] fell in love with a close friend and coworker [23 F] and now she is moving away with her boyfriend and I will probably never see her again as our friendship fades to memories…

Pick posted:

He shouldn't be 32 and dating a 20 year old. He should get his own developing emotional maturity like a man and not a child.

Leon Einstein posted:

That's not causing the conflict though, other than her immature belief that he should be paying for everything.

I do agree he's most likely a manchild.

quote:

Reason 373 not to have kids
Was talking to a friend and her sister just had a baby.We were discussing holiday gifts and she says "oh yeah this will be the last gift my sister gets from me ever from now on it will be just presents for the baby." I said oh and on the inside I was horrified having a child means you lose getting presents for yourself and added it to my list of reasons why not to have one.

quote:

My candy! Gone! All of it!
My brother and his family (his wife, wife's sister and her three crotch spawns) came over for dinner.
Like always, I say hi/bye and off to my room or some other place. This time I went for a run.
About halfway through my run I remember leaving my chocolate candy (M&Ms, Reese's, bite size Oreos, Snickers, and all that good poo poo) that I bought earlier today out on the table.
I immediately called my mom and told her to please, PLEASE hide it. Nope. I get home... Gone. Everything. Gone.
"Hey, Mom, where's my candy?"
"Oh the kids took the bag and got some."
(In front of everyone) "Didn't I tell you to hide it?!"
My brother and dad start telling me to relax and how it's just candy. Yeah, candy that I bought with MY money and that I got NONE of.
My awesome sister-in-law takes my side and tells her sister how her kids shouldn't just take things that aren't theirs and needs to train them to have some manners.
I tell her thank you, and just leave to my room. gently caress!

Pick posted:

"being an adult is hard so i put naive younger female coworkers on a pedestal and constantly wank to unrealistic fantasies of them. My wife has been consoling me and incredibly supportive"