/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

quote:

My girlfriend [21f] is spending Christmas on a trip with one of her friends [27m] and I [25m] have a bad feeling about it. I think I'm being unreasonable.

Hey guys.

Sorry for the title. I meant 21m.

I've been dating my gf for a year now. She met this guy in college around the same time we met. They became friends and I don't have a problem with that at all.

My gf recently told me she'll be traveling on Christmas with him. I was upset because she's >my girlfriend< and she'll be spending Christmas with someone else. I asked her if she wasn't going to be with her family and she said "I will! Then we'll go on the trip". I being unreasonable in feeling bad about it?

tl;dr: gf is going on a trip on Christmas with her friend and I'm jealous.

# ? Dec 4, 2016 01:57

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# ? May 16, 2024 04:52

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

Standard story with a funny title

quote:

My [21 F] boyfriend [23 M] only wants to play video games and watch milf porn. Am I being unreasonable?

My bf and I have been together almost 2 years living together for 1. We are best friends and I love him so much and I am so attracted to him. Our sex life was good for the first few months but quickly dwindled when I noticed all he really wanted to do was play Xbox. He would regularly not see me for days so he could binge on video games and when I came over he would ask me if he could play. When we moved in together it only got worse. We wouldn't have sex at all if I didn't initiate and I feel like I'm bugging him for it. He never initiates anymore. I am not a nympho. I'd be fine with 2x a week. I am very lucky if we have sex once a week. I once waited to see how long it would take for him to want to have sex with me and we went a month without sex which is when I finally said something and he made an excuse. He always has an excuse, he's tired from work, he's stressed from my nagging and his parents problems. Whichleads me to the other thing. Milf porn. I noticed that he exclusive watches milf porn like Lisa Ann with big boobs and rear end and I'm the complete opposite. He has no problem getting turned on for that. He tries to hide it like a little kid, but I've caught him several times. I feel so unattractive, frustrated, hurt. I find him so attractive still and I've asked some shameful things just to get him to have sex with me more often. Whenever I bring it up we fight and leads to him stonewalling me for days, coming home from work, completely ignoring me, playing witcher 3 and jacking to milfs. Other than this, our relationship is great, but it's like it's only a friendship with some kissing. Could it be he's not attracted to me even though he says he is? We would never do couples counseling...he wouldn't do that. Should I just give up on the relationship or tolerate it as long as I can even though it hurts so much he doesn't care about being intimate with me. I love him.

Tldr;

Live in Bf of 2 years and I have sex once a month on average after I beg and he relents. He never initiates and makes excuses. He'd rather jerk off to milf porn and play video games. I love him but I'm getting restless and feeling very bad. I can't leave him.

# ? Dec 4, 2016 02:01

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

so many people in their early 20s encountering this type of partner for the first time and not realizing that they are broken beyond repair

seriously every single woman i know dated this guy

once

# ? Dec 4, 2016 02:05

Troposphere: Jul 11, 2005; psycho killer
qu'est-ce que c'est?

when I dated a man I came home early once and he was jerkin it but he closed the tab and had pictures of his car video game up after so it looked like he was jerkin it to video game cars

he is also a goon so if he sees this sorry bro. it was real funny

# ? Dec 4, 2016 02:08

Mr. Meagles: Apr 30, 2004; Out here, everything hurts

"I find him so attractive still and I've asked some shameful things just to get him to have sex with me more often. Whenever I bring it up we fight and leads to him stonewalling me for days, coming home from work, completely ignoring me, playing witcher 3 and jacking to milfs."

hahah

hahahahh

# ? Dec 4, 2016 02:35

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

well the witcher 3 though...

# ? Dec 4, 2016 02:48

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

The obvious answer here is to have a kid

# ? Dec 4, 2016 03:01

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

54 40 or gently caress posted:

The obvious answer here is to have a kid

they already have a manchild tho

# ? Dec 4, 2016 03:07

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Yeah but if she wants to defeat the milf porn she has to become the milf porn

# ? Dec 4, 2016 03:09

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

how can she become the milf if he wont give her the time of day

# ? Dec 4, 2016 04:08

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Troposphere posted:

when I dated a man I came home early once and he was jerkin it but he closed the tab and had pictures of his car video game up after so it looked like he was jerkin it to video game cars

he is also a goon so if he sees this sorry bro. it was real funny

*meows backward out the door*

# ? Dec 4, 2016 04:17

Bobby Digital: Sep 4, 2009

HardDiskD posted:

how can she become the milf if he wont give her the time of day

berth ell pup

# ? Dec 4, 2016 04:24

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

If you haven't drank a gallon of Mogen David or Carlo Rossi by yourself and then used the bottle as a pillow, get on my level scrub.

Don't actually.

# ? Dec 4, 2016 04:34

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Relationships like that are so funny. They aren't married. They have no kids. Her goony manchild SO refuses to touch her and would rather play video games all day. He'd rather jerk off than be with her. Why is she so stuck on staying with him when she gets nothing out of it? Just break up and find someone who actually likes her. It's that easy. :allears:

Cough Drop The Beat fucked around with this message at 04:50 on Dec 4, 2016

# ? Dec 4, 2016 04:42

Facebook Aunt: Oct 4, 2008; wiggle wiggle

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Relationships like that are so funny. They aren't married. They have no kids. Her goony manchild SO refuses to touch her and would rather play video games all day. He'd rather jerk off than be with her. Why is so stuck on staying with him when she gets nothing out of it? Just break up and find someone who actually likes her. It's that easy.

Yeah, just think of the entire readership of r/incel who would love a woman like that. Or any woman, really.

# ? Dec 4, 2016 04:48

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

Maybe they are both fat

# ? Dec 4, 2016 05:10

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

I guess it's proof there's no practical time travel in the next 60 years or else you wouldn't have all these self absorbed 20 yo's acting like complete morons.

# ? Dec 4, 2016 06:07

Malkof: Oct 13, 2001; Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

Sordid tales from /childfree

Bingo-ed at an orgy

quote:

So my [22f] boyfriend [24m] and I love playing with other people and have met with couples and singles before. We had been to an orgy and only ended up playing between ourselves because I was too shy. But last night was the first time we wanted to participate in an orgy fully.

So the night started off pretty great. We met everyone, got naked, the whole she-bang, and after playing with one person my period starts. I was embarrassed but all the people were great and said it was fine and I essentially just ended up dialing it back a little for the rest of the time we were there.

After a while, I stood off to the side of the room and watched for a bit and a couple people came up to me to talk about my piercings and the piercings they had. They were excited to share experiences. One woman came up to me and said she loved my nipple piercings and had been thinking about getting some herself but she was going to wait until after she "fixed" herself to get them.

Me, awkwardly trying to flirt said, "You look great I don't think you need to be fixed".

She rolls her eyes and does that flippant hand thing and completely brushes me off to complain that she was trying to look like herself again after two kids.

"I had the tummy tuck, the breast reduction, now I'm going to get implants to make them bigger again", she starts then turns to me really fast and says, "do you have kids?" I guess to see if I could feel her pain about wrecking my body.

I kind of laugh and say, "No and I don't intend to".

She groans. "Oh you'll change your mind. My brother doesn't want any children, he's in his 50's, he's dating some 23 year old, she says she doesn't want them either but I KNOW she'll change her mind". I'm thinking to myself, that doesn't really prove either of them will change their mind, but okay. Sounds kind of nice they found another person who doesn't want kids.

Then this other guy standing next to me starts in, "Oh yeah, you know women, once that biological clock starts ticking. I mean I'm obviously not a woman, but I know when that happens they can't help but need a kid! You'll change your mind for sure, you're too young".

To be honest, I know they said more but I just tuned them out. I needed to scream on another plane of existence before returning to reality. I stared at my boyfriend across the room giving him the "save me" face.

He sees me and walks by leaving the room so I can follow right after him and duck the conversation. He asked what was up and I told him, "I just got bingo-ed. At an orgy. I can't believe it." He told me to go back and start talking about our pets (his preferred method of dealing with his sister talking about her kid all the time). "Oh our kitten's getting so big! Who knew they could eat so much! He used to cry all night too!" "Our dogs leave all their toys out on the floor, they're so spoiled!" I just laughed with him and we left back home to cuddle and eat chips soon after.

But what really floors me is who would bring up children at an orgy anyway? 'I know we're being hosed by a line of guys but let me tell you about how you're going to want kids someday I mean that biological clock is ticking!' Are you serious? It's my choice not to have them and I really don't need a lecture, especially in a party where everyone is there to have fun having sex with a bunch of strangers.

Needless to say I'm happy to be home with my boyfriend and two dogs and cats. I guess I can just chalk all of that up to a strange evening.

tldr: Woman asked about my piercings and told me that me, her brother, and his new girlfriend will all want children some day with a plethora of people loving on every available surface around us.

# ? Dec 4, 2016 06:29

Metis of the Chat Thread: Aug 1, 2014

that's incredible

# ? Dec 4, 2016 06:36

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Mods rename me uncomfortable orgy smalltalk.

# ? Dec 4, 2016 06:44

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Mods rename me uncomfortable orgy smalltalk.

This is a pro name.

# ? Dec 4, 2016 06:47

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

Malkof posted:

Sordid tales from /childfree

Bingo-ed at an orgy

It's sad that she felt the need to brag about this.

Gaunab fucked around with this message at 06:59 on Dec 4, 2016

# ? Dec 4, 2016 06:52

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

How could small talk at an orgy, especially after you've just gotten done examining and discussing several people's intimate body piercings, be uncomfortable?

"Look, I'm just here to get my pipes rooted like the plumbing at a hotel the day after a Heath At Any Size convention. Talking about conceiving children, a common consequence of all this sweaty rutting, is just uncouth. How about that bull, though? He seemed a little underprepped to me."

# ? Dec 4, 2016 06:57

Metis of the Chat Thread: Aug 1, 2014

i love this kind of story

quote:

I [22M] answered a hypothetical question from my GF [25F] and now she's paranoid and acting really huffy with me. How to deal?

Obligatory the relationships is great and I love her.

My Gf Alexa and I were talking this afternoon about random situations and eventually we get on to the topic of gay marriage and that kind of thing. Then she asked me to pick a guy if I had to marry one.. immature but we were just having a joke. So I just said John Hamm or Luke Rockhold.. they're handsome as poo poo and I was messing around. I don't want to marry a guy (nothing wrong with it of course). The mood changed quickly and she sharply asks why I answered so quickly.. since she's been asking if I'm happy constantly, then giving me short answers to everything. Then asking If I want to leave her for guy.. the answer is obviously no. She does know I very briefly messed around with a guy in HS but that's it.. I've no interest in exploring anything with a man and would like to marry her at some point.

I'm trying to be accommodating considering the circumstances but I feel annoyed.. She's questioning my honesty and commitment to her. We are visiting her family tomorrow where I usually cook and we have a blast but I don't want to go with this hanging over us.

What can I say to ease her mind?

tl;dr: Told gf i find two guys really handsome and she thinks I'm going to leave her for a guy.

# ? Dec 4, 2016 07:06

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Gluten Freeman posted:

i love this kind of story

Denzel Washington and Dwayne Johnson.

# ? Dec 4, 2016 07:24

Mr. Creakle: Apr 27, 2007; Protecting your virginity

Gluten Freeman posted:

i love this kind of story

As a woman I fully approve of his choices, Luke Rockhold is hot as hell.

# ? Dec 4, 2016 07:28

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Gluten Freeman posted:

i love this kind of story

I was surprised his girlfriend is 25 when I read this. She acts like she's 14.

# ? Dec 4, 2016 07:43

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Pvt.Scott posted:

Denzel Washington and Dwayne Johnson.

Dwayne Johnson seems like a lovely man, but I don't know if I'd be comfortable pulling his pants down and giving him a little prick in the rear end every morning.

For his steroids.

# ? Dec 4, 2016 07:59

Doc Hawkins: Jun 15, 2010; Dashing? But I'm not even moving!

Gluten Freeman posted:

i love this kind of story

I withhold judgment unless we find out what "messing around with a guy in HS" entails.

# ? Dec 4, 2016 08:12

Doc Hawkins: Jun 15, 2010; Dashing? But I'm not even moving!

Pvt.Scott posted:

How could small talk at an orgy, especially after you've just gotten done examining and discussing several people's intimate body piercings, be uncomfortable?

"Look, I'm just here to get my pipes rooted like the plumbing at a hotel the day after a Heath At Any Size convention. Talking about conceiving children, a common consequence of all this sweaty rutting, is just uncouth. How about that bull, though? He seemed a little underprepped to me."

Some people are uncomfortable with sudden seeming non-sequiturs or contextually inappropriate turns in conversation, because they associate it with mental illness (and are uncomfortable with that).

But these people are childfrees so what makes the conversation inappropriate to her is that she went to the event for self-indulgence, she sees children as the death of self-indulgence, so even mentioning them to her feels like an attack or critical judgment.

E: words

Doc Hawkins fucked around with this message at 09:37 on Dec 4, 2016

# ? Dec 4, 2016 08:25

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Doc Hawkins posted:

Some people are uncomfortable with sudden seeming non-sequiturs or contextually inappropriate turns in conversation, because they associate it with mental illness (and are uncomfortable with that).

But these people are childfrees so what makes the conversation inappropriate to her is that she went to the event for self-indulgence, and showing she sees children as the death of self-indulgence, so even mentioning them feels like an attack or critical judgment.

If the post was anything more than a masturbatory r/childfree fantasy about being more enlightened than the rest of us normies.

# ? Dec 4, 2016 08:40

Dear Prudence: Sep 3, 2012

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Mods rename me uncomfortable orgy smalltalk.

The uncomfortable is redundant.

# ? Dec 4, 2016 08:58

diapernjeans: Mar 6, 2015

heres my relationship in a poem

brown tits bliss

Black pussy

Drink that period blood

Drink my dick in

Throat hosed

Titty hosed

Cowgirl

Doggy style

Gaben galaxy jerks
Licked her butthole on the sixtynine

and i buy her frence onion soup alot

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Dec 4, 2016 09:01

corn on the cop: Oct 12, 2012; Break what must be broken, once for all, that's all, and take the suffering on oneself.

â Corey Dostoyevsky

Do all r/childfree people overcompensate with pets

# ? Dec 4, 2016 09:32

Mycroft Holmes: Mar 26, 2010; by Azathoth

i'm getting a vasectomy because i don't want kids. i'm not basing my entire identity around that.

# ? Dec 4, 2016 10:04

Khazar-khum: Oct 22, 2008; Cat Army
2nd Battalion

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Mods rename me uncomfortable orgy smalltalk.

WTF is comfortable orgy smalltalk? "Oh, I see they supplied durex in a crystal bowl?" "The Hendersons have a more orgy-friendly sofa set?" "I see they've painted the bathroom periwinkle, do you like it too?"

# ? Dec 4, 2016 10:13

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Khazar-khum posted:

WTF is comfortable orgy smalltalk? "Oh, I see they supplied durex in a crystal bowl?" "The Hendersons have a more orgy-friendly sofa set?" "I see they've painted the bathroom periwinkle, do you like it too?"

I dunno, they seemed to be doing pretty well jawin' about their hardware until someone mentioned babies. I imagine scars and tattoos would be a common topic as well.

# ? Dec 4, 2016 10:21

Zelder: Jan 4, 2012

Charles Get-Out posted:

Maybe they are both fat

I generally assume that if you get to the point where you're anonymously asking the internet for advice you're quasimodo-like in appearance

Honestly the Internet is more fun if you assume everyone else is hideously disfigured

Zelder fucked around with this message at 11:47 on Dec 4, 2016

# ? Dec 4, 2016 11:41

Zelder: Jan 4, 2012

Good God why are quote and edit so close to each other

# ? Dec 4, 2016 11:45

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# ? May 16, 2024 04:52

Metis of the Chat Thread: Aug 1, 2014

quote:

My [17,m] girlfriend [17,f] of 1 DAY broke up with me and I don't know what to think, thoughts?

Ok so this girl I've been talking to and hanging out with for a couple months now ended it with me the day after I asked her to be my girlfriend (she said yes) and gave her a quick kiss.

Today she caught me off guard and said that she wasn't ready for a relationship, saying that she had just got out of one not that long ago (couple months ago) and that she needed time to figure her poo poo out but maybe in the future we could work. The thing that hurt the most honestly was that she said I should make out with some random chick at the party I was going to tonight.

I really really like this girl and she says she likes me to, but she says I shouldn't wait up for her and it's really hard because right now she's all I want. If you can't tell I've kinda fallen for this girl and this is all really confusing to me so any input would be helpful.

**tl;dr: asked out girl she said yes, day later she says she's not ready for a relationship

mate i actually don't think it's that confusing, she was pretty clear

edit:

ooooh, i found a good one. i reckon this'll get deleted soon, eat it up

quote:

My(28F) Fiance(40M) Threw me out of our home over disciplining his daughter(9f)

I have been with my fiance for three years now. When we started dating he disclosed that he had a 6 year old daughter, Violet, from a previous marriage to a mentally unstable ex. While I'm not the biggest fan of children, I knew that they were a package deal, and tried my best to get on the good side of this girl. From the beginning, this little girl tried to undermine our relationship. On our one year anniversary, she fake cried about being lonely, and wouldn't stay with the baby-sitter. She would constantly ask when I was going home, even after I had been moved in for almost a year. She is passive aggressive, and my fiance doesn't see it.

Yesterday she broke me. After I had just spent 20 minutes teaching her how to do make up she goes " are you a gold-digger? My friend said that her mom said that you are a gold-digging whore", I lost it and slapped her in heated moment. I was at my breaking point with her passive aggressive insults. It wasn't hard, and more of a reflexive thing, but that was all it took. She started the water works and ran to her dad in the other room.

He confronted me, and asked if I hit her, and I admitted that I smacked her after being provoked. I had never seen him like that, he was furious. He said I had thirty minutes to leave or he would call the police, and report me for assault. He took his daughter out of the house, and told me that I needed to be gone before he returned. I packed up my clothing and left, and I am now staying at a friend's house.

I feel like my relationship was ruined over something so inconsequential. Part of me wants to try and save this while the other part of me is furious that he would throw away three years over one bad moment. I could probably sell the ring, and get enough for a year's rent until I can get back on my feet, and get a job. I feel like I dedicated so much to this relationship, and I'm feeling lost. I feel like I'm caught up in the emotions of the situation, and can't think clearly. Where for I go from here?

tl;dr: I used corporal punishment on my future-stepdaughter, and it blew up my relationship. What's the next step, should I try to go back to him?

that's a good dad!

collecting the comments as well

quote:

1) This is not a regular child. This girl manipulates like a master chess player. I think she inherited her mother's borderline personality.
2) I have been a partial guardian for a year.
3) He gifted the ring. It's my legal property, and he's the one that's ending the engagement. The ring is my only source of money at the moment, since I haven't been working for the past year due to wedding planning, and moving two cities over to his town.
4) I have never hit his child before. This was a one time thing, literally a reflex. If someone grabs you from behind you will instinctively hit them. She caught me off guard. I'm not an angry person.

quote:

I never said hitting her was okay. It was a mistake. What I'm saying is that she manipulated me into reacting, so she could cause a rift.

that last one makes me question whether it's real, cos that's some serious evil poo poo

Metis of the Chat Thread fucked around with this message at 12:31 on Dec 4, 2016

# ? Dec 4, 2016 12:25

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