/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

This thread makes me both happy I am single, and loving baffled that some of these wastes of life have managed to hold down relationships for multiple years.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 20:06

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 14, 2024 07:39

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

quote:

My (19M) girlfriend (17F) met her celebrity crush and talked to him for an hour. She now wants to break up.

So yeah, as the title states she met her celebrity crush after attending one of his conserts.They then randomly got on the same train and ended up next to each other, and got to talk for an hour. She bearely answers my texts, but I got to talk to her this morning on the phone, and I asked if she was infatuated with him. Answer was a hesitant yes. She is 17 years old and super emotional, I know for a fact that she won't feel like this in a week or two. She cried to me a couple of weeks ago wondering what life would be without me, in fact.

Her girlfriends stir up a lot of poo poo, and I know that they are trying to convince her to break up with me because they say she is never out when in fact, this whole situation started with me saying to her that I can't be with someone that never has time for me (because she prioritizes her girlfriends.)

I just talked to her again, and she didn't want me to come snowboarding with her and her friend. I said ok, but we got to talk later. She agreed and and I just said "you want this over with, don't you?" She said yes.

Now, as I said she is very emotional, but I am able to see beyond that, and I know we can have a great future. But, her emotions get in the way and of course, she doesn't see that now (even though she did a week ago) because of that stupid idiot on the train.

I love her to pieces and we'vehad the most amazing times together. I just don't think it's time already. We've been together for 10 months. Advice? Is she worth the trouble?

TLDR. Girlfriend wants to break up after meeting and talking to celebrity crush. She now wants to break up. I don't think it's time, she is super emotional and I know this whole starstruck thing is gonna be over in a week or two.

Went from

pretty quick

# ? Dec 5, 2016 20:10

Mordja: Apr 26, 2014; Hell Gem

Man, that bleak house aunt story takes on a whole new light when you find out that this is actually the second time that the too-young narrator's gotten knocked up, meaning this isn't a regular "accidental teen pregnancy" situation and that they've been planning for a kid since she was at least 17. That whole family reads like a dysfunctional nightmare. :stonk:

# ? Dec 5, 2016 20:17

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Well, the statute of limitations one has an easy and concise answer! There is no statute of limitations on murder or attempted murder in the US. HTH.

Manslaughter, fuzzy on.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 20:18

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

I'm thankful I'm able to share stories from this thread with the guy I'm dating cause he loves hosed up people being awful just as much as I do. #blessed

# ? Dec 5, 2016 20:18

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

#justschadenfreudethings

# ? Dec 5, 2016 20:20

NomChompsky: Sep 17, 2008

My favorite post so far was one from way back where an insecure dude discovered his online girlfriend is super hot IRL and now he has no idea what to do. People kept saying he just has to ride it out and be happy that she really does like him. It's my favorite because he's not going to do that.

People who are so terminally insecure that they can't believe that a beautiful person likes them cannot value that person objectively. They're too afraid of them. The magnitude of the failure that would be managing to lose them is going to win out in your brain every single time, because if you can't keep them, you really obviously are just as worthless (and probably more) than you already think you are.

Or so that's how it plays out in the brain, anyway.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 20:37

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

Me [21F] with my BF [27 M] , 1 year, found he's been searching the "massive cock" subreddit

# ? Dec 5, 2016 20:38

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Me [21F] with my BF [27 M] , 1 year, found he's been searching the "massive cock" subreddit

I like that all the comments are "he's probably just checking if he's the same size--I do it too!"

Me [24 M] with my GF [24 F] 5 years, sex is bad

quote:

Me and my gf have been together for 5 years. In the honeymoon phase, the sex was really good. After a while, it started to worsen. She recently talked to me and said that if it doesn't improve she wants to break up.

We took this questionnaire so we now know what we both like and we're going to try things out. But here are my main issues:

we both agree that our relationship is really great, apart from the sex. Everything about our relationship is awesome, it's just that we can't get each other off

there's only one place where we can have sex, and it's the least romantic place you can imagine

due to work stress, she's not in the mood very often

we don't really have the money to go on a trip or to a hotel

we're both each other's first, so we're probably imagining that sex is way better with other people, while it might not be, because we are both willing to try out new stuff to please the other person
Sex isn't even that important for me because the rest of our relationship is so great, but she thinks it's a really big deal.

My gf also wants to try a threesome with another man, but I'm afraid that she'll just figure that I'll never be that good and break up with me. I'm also really turned off by naked men. There's a lot of other stuff that she wants to try, so is it bad if I say no to this one?

I think that maybe when (if) we get a place to live together a lot of the problems will disappear, but that's not gonna happen for at least another year. How can we improve our sex life with this unsexy environment and her stress, so that we can remain a couple?

tl;dr: We have a great relationship, but due to many reasons the sex isn't very good. How can I make sure she doesn't leave me before we have had a chance to have an adult relationship (living alone, having more than just the one place to have sex, etc)

# ? Dec 5, 2016 20:43

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Mordja posted:

Man, that bleak house aunt story takes on a whole new light when you find out that this is actually the second time that the too-young narrator's gotten knocked up, meaning this isn't a regular "accidental teen pregnancy" situation and that they've been planning for a kid since she was at least 17. That whole family reads like a dysfunctional nightmare.

What what WHAT?

# ? Dec 5, 2016 20:47

Mordja: Apr 26, 2014; Hell Gem

54 40 or gently caress posted:

What what WHAT?

Hey, it's in that followup you posted.

quote:

She told her kids that my therapy dog (who my husband got for me as a gift after we had a miscarriage last year) was "their dog too".

# ? Dec 5, 2016 20:50

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

I like that all the comments are "he's probably just checking if he's the same size--I do it too!"

Me [24 M] with my GF [24 F] 5 years, sex is bad

...wtf is the least sexy place possible? Are they living with parents and too scared to have sex in their parents house so they go out to the car? Or do they think "the bedroom" is the least sexy place possible?

Trying to figure out if they refuse to have sex in their bedroom, or if the guy is romanticizing loving in the kitchen or something.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 20:51

Pussy Quipped: Jan 29, 2009

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

...wtf is the least sexy place possible? Are they living with parents and too scared to have sex in their parents house so they go out to the car? Or do they think "the bedroom" is the least sexy place possible?

Trying to figure out if they refuse to have sex in their bedroom, or if the guy is romanticizing loving in the kitchen or something.

My guess was the backseat of a car or a bathroom or something. They both probably live at home.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 20:53

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Mordja posted:

Hey, it's in that followup you posted.

Well then, I guess my brain chose not to make that connection, she didn't post her age in the babybumps post so maybe that's why

# ? Dec 5, 2016 20:54

girl pants: Sep 21, 2006; I feel a great disturbance in my pants

Reading all that makes me think (hope) that she meant to type 28 and hit 1 instead of 2.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 20:57

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Pussy Quipped posted:

My guess was the backseat of a car or a bathroom or something. They both probably live at home.

It seems blindingly obvious to me that a happy 5-year long relationship is worth potentially pissing off your parents for. (Obviously they have no clue what's going on :rolleyes:

). Maybe that's something you have to learn by actually losing out on your life partner because you exclusively gently caress them in the car.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 20:57

100 degrees Calcium: Jan 23, 2011

I [28/M] read r/relationships stories with my gf [27/f] and now she won't stop instructing me to "berth ell pup."

# ? Dec 5, 2016 20:58

Mordja: Apr 26, 2014; Hell Gem

100 degrees Calcium posted:

I [28/M] read r/relationships stories with my gf [27/f] and now she won't stop instructing me to "berth ell pup."

You should open the relationship and have a child, concurrently.

Maybe move countries too.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 21:02

DACK FAYDEN: Feb 25, 2013; Bear Witness

100 degrees Calcium posted:

I [28/M] read r/relationships stories with my gf [27/f] and now she won't stop instructing me to "berth ell pup."

She's fluent in Norse and she loves you? What a keeper!

# ? Dec 5, 2016 21:10

NomChompsky: Sep 17, 2008

WampaLord posted:

This thread makes me both happy I am single, and loving baffled that some of these wastes of life have managed to hold down relationships for multiple years.

For me this thread is cathartic in that it not only confirms to me that all the factors which play into my horrible self esteem and fear of close relationships are actually real, and something to be truly ashamed of. It also confirms that even with all of my inherent horrible qualities, if I wanted to I could probably find someone who loves me for some reason, and only after years of destroying their sense of self with my own neuroses will they finally reluctantly post a thread on the internet asking if this is okay.

I mean, I am awful, but at least I keep my awfulness isolated to my own life. What are some of these people even thinking?

# ? Dec 5, 2016 21:17

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

100 degrees Calcium posted:

I [35/M] read r/relationships stories with my gf [20/f] of 5 years and now she won't stop instructing me to "berth ell pup."

ftfy

# ? Dec 5, 2016 21:30

Syncopated: Oct 21, 2010

loquacius posted:

I tried telling my wife the story of the girl whose boyfriend's sister sent her an email saying "my brother is planning on proposing to you; I need you to turn him down because he is younger than me and it's not fair"

and she was like "why do you read this stuff"

and I was like "dunno"

Get a kid.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 21:33

Mordja: Apr 26, 2014; Hell Gem

Syncopated posted:

Get a kid.

Hes childfree.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 21:43

Nissin Cup Nudist: Sep 3, 2011; Sleep with one eye open

We're off to Gritty Gritty land

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Me [21F] with my BF [27 M] , 1 year, found he's been searching the "massive cock" subreddit

nothing wrong with this

# ? Dec 5, 2016 21:47

Doggles: Apr 22, 2007

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Me [21F] with my BF [27 M] , 1 year, found he's been searching the "massive cock" subreddit

The man just wants some chicken. Ease up woman!

# ? Dec 5, 2016 21:50

Pozload Escobar: Aug 21, 2016; by Reene

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

...wtf is the least sexy place possible?

In a pussy

# ? Dec 5, 2016 21:55

Syncopated: Oct 21, 2010

A Buff Gay Dude posted:

In a pussy

# ? Dec 5, 2016 22:01

Lockback: Sep 3, 2006; All days are nights to see till I see thee; and nights bright days when dreams do show me thee.

Want a sad manchild one? Yeah you do. Read the description first then check the ages.

My (30/F) boyfriend (43/M) is leaving me at 9 months pregnant over a table.

quote:

I don't know where to begin, so I guess I'll start with yesterday and the incident that started it all.

I am heavily pregnant with my boyfriend Charlie and I's first child, a little girl due in January. The entire pregnancy has been stressful from the beginning.

Yesterday, was like any normal day. Charlie had a day off and we just bought a new house so we decided to go to the home goods store and look for decorations. I noticed that he seemed a bit edgy, it seemed like every item I picked out he had a problem with. I was becoming annoyed because I truly felt like he purposely rejected items simply because I liked them. I was getting tired at this point, being on my feet all day at 36 weeks isn't easy. After about thirty minutes of shopping we got to the back of the store. I noticed a table I quite liked and asked him if he thought we should purchase it. He said there was no way it would fit in the area of our house I suggested and that it was a horrible idea. I protested a bit and told him that I felt he was doing it on purpose. As soon as I said it he threw his hands in the air and said "God you are such a bitch." I was so embarrassed, he ran off in a different direction and I immediately grabbed my coat and headed to the car. I didn't mean to start a huge fight and I would have kept my mouth shut had I known what would happen.

After he finished shopping and got into the car he accused me of leaving him stranded in the parking lot in the cold because I had gone next door to the make up and beauty store. He never called or text to say he was done, he expected me to know exactly when.

The ride home was so awful, it feels like it was just a dream or a night mare. He told me how much he hates me, that I trapped him and that he doesn't want our daughter. I was crying, visibly extremely upset and he just got angier and angrier. As I was getting out of the car after being berated for fifteen minutes, he threw my stuff on the ground and said get out of the car you stupid oval office I hope you die. I wish you were dead, die die die, I hate you. I picked up my stuff and walked into the house. He peeled out of the driveway like a bat out of hell, screaming that he's never coming back, calling me a bitch, etc.

Unbeknownst to me, the neighbor guy had seen this entire thing happen and apparently there were some words between them. Charlie says he did nothing wrong. I was already inside and had no idea. Now that Charlie is back, he's blaming me for things being awkward with the neighbors, plus them possibly filing a complaint with our HOA. He says he is going to move out tomorrow, a month before the baby is born. He claims that I'm out of control and that things will never be the same thanks to me. All I did was ask for a table, I wish i had just stayed home yesterday.
Where do I go from here?

Edit: he was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder as a teenager. I was told this might be an important issue to add. He's never been medicated as far as I know.

Tl;dr: A trip to the home goods store resulted in an argument over a table, verbal abuse, drama with the neighbors and my boyfriend leaving me at 36 weeks pregnant.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 22:04

Demon Of The Fall: May 1, 2004; Nap Ghost

I've seen more fights at a Home Goods when I worked there than anywhere else, place is no joke especially when two people see the same lamp or whatever at the same time and then they brawl over it like dogs.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 22:08

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Lockback posted:

Want a ~~sad manchild~~ horrifically abusive one?

Come on people. This poo poo's not funny or interesting to read, it just makes people sad.

quote:

The ride home was so awful, it feels like it was just a dream or a night mare. He told me how much he hates me, that I trapped him and that he doesn't want our daughter. I was crying, visibly extremely upset and he just got angier and angrier. As I was getting out of the car after being berated for fifteen minutes, he threw my stuff on the ground and said get out of the car you stupid oval office I hope you die. I wish you were dead, die die die, I hate you. I picked up my stuff and walked into the house. He peeled out of the driveway like a bat out of hell, screaming that he's never coming back, calling me a bitch, etc.

Durr, this sounds like great poo poo for SA! What a barrel of laughs!

# ? Dec 5, 2016 22:08

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Demon Of The Fall posted:

I've seen more fights at a Home Goods when I worked there than anywhere else, place is no joke especially when two people see the same lamp or whatever at the same time and then they brawl over it like dogs.

This ain't that, guy is a psycho

# ? Dec 5, 2016 22:10

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

That guy is a loving prick but I dunno if I get manchild - no mention of warhammer or whatever. Just tension over an unplanned pregnancy which I have to imagine is ageless.

Honestly we really hosed up our society by not enshrining a moral framework that actively encourages abortion in cases where the parents aren't really really sure. Having a child is a big loving deal and so many people just shrug and say "eh why not" when presented with the possibility.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 22:10

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Poor woman is even like it, I wish I hadn't gone. Not, I wish that he were not so loving evil

It is worth reflecting on how you feel when someone does this to you, if no one has ever berated you I'm gone on and on and on and on of you because you accidentally got the wrong kind of coffee or something, it is absolutely disorienting, it makes you feel like a crazy person and it can drive you to the brink

# ? Dec 5, 2016 22:10

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

Lockback posted:

Want a sad manchild one? Yeah you do. Read the description first then check the ages.

My (30/F) boyfriend (43/M) is leaving me at 9 months pregnant over a table.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 22:11

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

WampaLord posted:

Come on people. This poo poo's not funny or interesting to read, it just makes people sad.

Durr, this sounds like great poo poo for SA! What a barrel of laughs!

I skimmed this when I saw it in the original page and somehow skipped that paragraph...yikes.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 22:13

100 degrees Calcium: Jan 23, 2011

I never do anything on the level of stories like that, but reading them reminds me that I control my temper poorly and I'm genuinely concerned that I'm an r/relationships post waiting to happen.

To prove how sick I am, I've noticed a direct correlation between the posts I find most fascinating and the posts that WampaLord gripes about.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 22:15

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

People with borderline personality disorder need to be medicated and go to therapy.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 22:15

100 degrees Calcium: Jan 23, 2011

It's so weird to me that there's a mental condition which is just "makes you a jackass, incapable of keeping it together for more than a few months without deeply and unapologetically hurting the people who love you."

# ? Dec 5, 2016 22:17

Lockback: Sep 3, 2006; All days are nights to see till I see thee; and nights bright days when dreams do show me thee.

Ok, agreed, not as much of a manchild thing but the dude threw a huge blaming tantrum because he couldn't talk about not being ready for a kid 9 months too late. I do hope she gets him out of her life. I see why my preface sounded more like it was a funny thing when I was really posting a broken person thing.

Here's one about a college kid who stuck his dick in crazy and now he's confused about it. I feel like this is just a right of passage at some point. Though he should probably reconsider "perfect" here....

Pretty sure this perfect girl (22F) is playing me (20M) but she's being so dramatic about it

quote:

So this girl approached me at a student night in a club. She was very forward/flirtatious and not to mention she's a stunner. We ended up having sex that night and she texted me the next day. We kind of entered this whirlwind romance type thing that was pretty loving intense for 8-9 weeks. Lots of amazing sex, lots of cuddles, lots of talking, lots of feelings.

One night she came to mine as usual, but crying. She kind of...broke down on me, going on about how insecure she was and had all this baggage and couldn't hang out with me anymore. I guess I kind of got infatuated with her, naive as it was genuinely felt like I was in love with this chick, and it really hurt. I kind of expected that to be it but she came by the next night. Same story. But kept saying how hard it was because she really, really loved me and cared about me and didn't want me out of her life but at the same time she was too insecure to be with me. Idk.

Thing is, we go to the same uni but we're in different years and don't bump into eachother. But I can't exactly avoid her coming and knocking on my door. I kind of told her I didn't want us to be in contact if nothing was happening because we were never 'friends' so didn't have this to fall back on.

Two weeks later, when I'm about decided she just screwed me over, she's at my door. Same poo poo, she loves me, she can't let me go. So I tell her don't, I'll have her back. But still no. For "my sake" apparently, she said she'll just hurt me down the line. I think thats my problem to deal with, but whatever.
I'm just confused because when I say she has everything, I mean it. She's absolutely stunning, funny, smart, we clicked. Which led me to think she was just playing me, got me invested in her and then ditched. But if thats the case why won't she leave me alone and move onto the next guy? Every time she cries at me for hours, I try and answer her but it's always "no" in some form or another and its pretty loving painful. Why she doing this to me? If shes done, whatever, but why make it a huge drama?

tl;dr: Had an intense short term fling with an amazing chick and got invested. She ditched me out of nowhere but is being really dramatic about the whole thing and won't leave me alone. Can someone get in her head?

# ? Dec 5, 2016 22:17

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 14, 2024 07:39

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

100 degrees Calcium posted:

To prove how sick I am, I've noticed a direct correlation between the posts I find most fascinating and the posts that WampaLord gripes about.

I hope everyone understands why I'm griping, but if the thread is overall cool with posting the worst/abusive threads, I'll stop.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 22:18

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

«‹›6020 »