Dwarf Fortress Arena Challenge: Season 5 - The Road To The Murderbowl!

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > Dwarf Fortress Arena Challenge: Season 5 - The Road To The Murderbowl!

«‹›157 »

Spermy Smurf: Jul 2, 2004

Round 1, Fight 3 :siren:

Mafia Hit Squad is on the left side of the arena.
KKKKCCCCHHHHH!!! (Zwingley) is a female dark gnome. She wields a steel large dagger and wears no armor.
Buddy (iLonie) is a male elf. He wields a steel long sword and wears leather gauntlets.
Natural Causes (AecTalek) is a male yeti. He is empty handed and wears an iron helm, a copper mail shirt, copper greaves, and copper high boots.

Christmas is Canceled is on the right side of the arena.
THE ENTIRE BEE MOVIE SCRIPT (jon joe) is a female soldier ant woman. She wields a copper spear and two wooden spears and wears a leather cap.
Minos Jr (Maarak) is a male minotaur. He wields a copper war hammer and wears a copper cap, an iron mail shirt, and iron gauntlets.
Karl Barx (The Mattybee) is a male werewolf. He is empty handed and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, iron leggings, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots.

Christmas is Canceled is a 1.28 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 1796.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 1400.00 dwarfbucks for Mafia Hit Squad.

On the left we have some incredibly deadly weapons and on the right we have.... well... wooden spears and a copper hammer. I know we all joke about getting blackout drunk and buying skills/weapons but this is just crazy. Will Mafia Hit Squad have the skill to land blows with those top notch weapons?

The gladiators clash, all roughly the same speed. Karl Barx reaches into Buddy's mouth and grabs his left molars to open combat. This surprises everyone except Bee Movie who stabs Buddy in the leg, fracturing bone and sending the elf to the floor.

First blood was devastating this fight.

In the next two seconds KKKCCCHHH punches Bee Movie in the abdomen, bruising the antwomans guts and causing her to vomit and feel naseaus. Karl Barx bites the downed Buddy who passes out with werewolf jaws around his torso.

Natural Causes bruises Karl Barx's kidney, but Karl only readjusts his bite on the downed elf; this time on Buddy's head.

Natural Causes charges and sends Karl Barx flying backwards, stunned.

KKKKCCCHHH decides against using the useless steel dagger in her hand and again scratches Bee Movie, this time in the head. For some reason the antwomans head explodes like a ripe melon and Bee Movie is no more.

It's 2v2, with an unconscious elf on one team.

Minos squares off against the small gnome but the copper hammer only causes bruises to KKKCCCHHH's arm. The little fighter sticks his dagger deep into Minos' ribs and the minotaur gasps in pain. See little dude? The steel dagger is good, you should use it more often!

Natural Causes grabs Karl Barx and throws him high into the air by his neck.

Karl Barx flies westward and smiles when his teammates copper hammer shatters KKKCCCHHH's ribs and the lung beyond.

And then Karl Barx hits the floor, stunned.

Minos, still hunched over in pain, manages a second swing that shatters KKKCCCHHH's leg and it's lights out for the little dude.

The copper hammer comes down and splat goes KKKCCCHHH's head.

Minos turns his attentions to Buddy the elf... :glances back up at the equipment list: and no helmet means this should be quick.

That was fast!

Karl Barx has taken a few punches, charges, and grapples from the larger Yeti, but now Minos joins in and it's a 2v1!

Minos slams that hammer onto Natural Causes arm and chips bone through the mail shirt. Natural Causes is amazed but only for a second. The hammer comes down again and chips bone on his foot despite his copper high boot protecting it. The yeti falls to the floor.

The stunned Karl Barx crawls over and bites the yeti in the bicep, tearing skin and sending blood flying.

Minos slams the yeti over and over, bruising his heart and chest. Natural Causes punches back and bruises a leg bone. Karl Barx bites and latches on... and the Yeti passes out.

Karl Barx thrashes the yeti around, but it's Minos' hammer that finishes the job.

Winners: Christmas is Canceled

Kills:
Minos Jr: 3

KKKCCCCHHH :1

Combat Log

# ? Dec 7, 2016 14:31

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 25, 2024 15:54

Emmideer: Oct 20, 2011; Lovely night, no?; Grimey Drawer

I died for the greater glory of Christmas haters everywhere. :angel:

# ? Dec 7, 2016 15:11

ZeeToo: Feb 20, 2008; I'm a kitty!

Krunge posted:

I died for the greater glory of Christmas haters everywhere.

A worthy cause to sacrifice for, indeed.

Also, wow, unless the AI's smarter than I've realized, BEE MOVIE gambled and won big with that weapon selection.

# ? Dec 7, 2016 15:32

Emmideer: Oct 20, 2011; Lovely night, no?; Grimey Drawer

ZeeToo posted:

A worthy cause to sacrifice for, indeed.

Also, wow, unless the AI's smarter than I've realized, BEE MOVIE gambled and won big with that weapon selection.

It was a gamble, but not in the way you're thinking. Even wooden spears cause devastating pain, they're just slower to deal lethal damage.

# ? Dec 7, 2016 15:35

Zwingley: Sep 20, 2011; "My dear Seth, you look absolutely dashing!"; Hair Elf

Maybe taking a rank in fighting hurt me more than it helped me. If KKKCCCHHHH had used the dagger two out of three times, it'd have been nice. :v:

Zwingley fucked around with this message at 22:01 on Jan 14, 2017

# ? Dec 7, 2016 15:51

Moleboy: Apr 20, 2011; Looksy
-Hindsight-

Looking Back, I am sure of 2 things:
1. I should have found the thread before it finished
2. Grimper may have actually done one or two things wrong

Zwingley posted:

Maybe taking a rank in fighting hurt me more than it helped me. If KKKCCCHHHH had used the dagger two out of three times, it'd have been nice.

I dunno, considering one of your not dagger uses was making an antwomans head explode maybe you need to go with the little seen dark gnome punch build.

I can only assume that KKKCCCHHHH is somehow channeling Fist of the North Star

# ? Dec 7, 2016 17:42

Captaindirtnap: Apr 26, 2012

Moleboy posted:

I dunno, considering one of your not dagger uses was making an antwomans head explode maybe you need to go with the little seen dark gnome punch build.

I can only assume that KKKCCCHHHH is somehow channeling Fist of the North Star

I wonder, do tiny Dark Gnome fists translate to really low contact area? The Yeti Maul vs. the DG Warhammer or something like that.

# ? Dec 7, 2016 18:26

Cathode Raymond: Dec 30, 2015; My antenna is telling me that you're probably wrong about this.; Soiled Meat

Realistically it's going to take me at least a week to adjust to this new punch gnome meta.

# ? Dec 7, 2016 18:54

Bad Munki: Nov 4, 2008; We're all mad here.

SPERMY SMURF I WANT YOU TO KNOW I AM STILL HONKING :siren:

# ? Dec 7, 2016 20:50

Tiler Kiwi: Feb 26, 2011

ant people are very explody, by nature

# ? Dec 7, 2016 21:14

Cathode Raymond: Dec 30, 2015; My antenna is telling me that you're probably wrong about this.; Soiled Meat

Tiler Kiwi posted:

ant people are very explody, by nature

Racist.

# ? Dec 7, 2016 21:20

Emmideer: Oct 20, 2011; Lovely night, no?; Grimey Drawer

Not all ant people.

# ? Dec 7, 2016 21:40

gbuchold: Oct 7, 2007; We feel free because we lack the very language to articulate our unfreedom.; Pillbug

Tiler Kiwi posted:

ant people are very explody, by nature

# ? Dec 7, 2016 22:06

Synthbuttrange: May 6, 2007

As soon as I read the gear list I was sure who was going to live and die and kill.

I was completely wrong.

# ? Dec 7, 2016 22:42

Klokwurk: Sep 18, 2010; I'm completely bloody shit at this!

Turns out if you accidentally rename your team to nothing at all (because you're on Chrome on mobile and text entry doesn't work properly) nobody can navigate to your team's page (where the rename team button is) any more because there's nothing to click on.

# ? Dec 7, 2016 23:47

Spermy Smurf: Jul 2, 2004

Bad Munki posted:

SPERMY SMURF I WANT YOU TO KNOW I AM STILL HONKING

Honk for another 144 hours or so and I will get to you.

# ? Dec 7, 2016 23:50

goatface: Dec 5, 2007; I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.; Grimey Drawer

Well done.

# ? Dec 7, 2016 23:52

Bad Munki: Nov 4, 2008; We're all mad here.

ACTUALLY I HAD A STROKE AND DIED AND FELL AGAINST THE HORN SO THIS IS PRETTY MUCH YOUR LIFE NOW, MY CORPSE HONKING AT YOU FOREVER :siren:

# ? Dec 7, 2016 23:52

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Klokwurk posted:

Turns out if you accidentally rename your team to nothing at all (because you're on Chrome on mobile and text entry doesn't work properly) nobody can navigate to your team's page (where the rename team button is) any more because there's nothing to click on.

How can you be defeated when you don't exist?

# ? Dec 8, 2016 00:15

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

Did I miss something? It was the first fight of this tournament as far as I know, but is labeled Fight 3.

# ? Dec 8, 2016 00:27

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Cythereal posted:

Did I miss something? It was the first fight of this tournament as far as I know, but is labeled Fight 3.

Our team won so quickly that there was no need for a writeup :colbert:

# ? Dec 8, 2016 00:30

Synthbuttrange: May 6, 2007

Fights can be run by comissioners out of order afaik?

# ? Dec 8, 2016 00:31

Spermy Smurf: Jul 2, 2004

Cythereal posted:

Did I miss something? It was the first fight of this tournament as far as I know, but is labeled Fight 3.

Mine was first. I didnt run the one with my fighter in it. I picked a random fight that wasnt one in my division.

I dont cheat when I have to run my own but its easier to ~~lie to people~~ be innocent when Zee can run my fight.

# ? Dec 8, 2016 00:31

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

Spermy Smurf posted:

Mine was first. I didnt run the one with my fighter in it. I picked a random fight that wasnt one in my division.

I dont cheat when I have to run my own but its easier to ~~lie to people~~ be innocent when Zee can run my fight.

Ah, makes sense. Thanks for the clarification.

# ? Dec 8, 2016 01:18

Moleboy: Apr 20, 2011; Looksy
-Hindsight-

Looking Back, I am sure of 2 things:
1. I should have found the thread before it finished
2. Grimper may have actually done one or two things wrong

Spermy Smurf posted:

Mine was first. I didnt run the one with my fighter in it. I picked a random fight that wasnt one in my division.

I dont cheat when I have to run my own but its easier to ~~lie to people~~ be innocent when Zee can run my fight.

I can't help but notice that there are plenty of other fights that don't have your gladiator as a particpant.

All aboard the Munki Car Horn Pounding!

:f5:

# ? Dec 8, 2016 01:23

Spermy Smurf: Jul 2, 2004

Did that guy just buy that load of horseshit?

Edit: Wont run another fight for like 12hrs from now. Stuff came up today.

# ? Dec 8, 2016 01:37

The Mattybee: Sep 15, 2007; despair.

code:

Karl Barx_CiC grabs Buddy_MHS by the lower left back teeth with his right upper arm!
BEE MOVIE_CiC stabs Buddy_MHS in the left upper leg with its copper spear, fracturing the bone!
An artery has been opened by the attack and a tendon has been torn!

Ah, the good ol' Proletariat Spear-it. :allears:

# ? Dec 8, 2016 06:22

Bad Munki: Nov 4, 2008; We're all mad here.

Spermy Smurf posted:

Did that guy just buy that load of horseshit?

Edit: Wont run another fight for like 12hrs from now. Stuff came up today.

BEEP BEEP THREE HOURS LATE, GET A MOVE ON! :siren:

# ? Dec 8, 2016 16:39

Cathode Raymond: Dec 30, 2015; My antenna is telling me that you're probably wrong about this.; Soiled Meat

Run our fight if you want to see an ant almost exactly like jon joe's but worse, but with less of an exploding head problem, but still worse.

# ? Dec 8, 2016 17:40

Spermy Smurf: Jul 2, 2004

Man today and yesterday are poo poo.

My phone needs to stop ringing.

# ? Dec 8, 2016 18:37

Bad Munki: Nov 4, 2008; We're all mad here.

Well if you would just answer my calls so I can yell at you for not running the fight, then I'd stop calling and you could run a fight!

# ? Dec 8, 2016 18:48

Emmideer: Oct 20, 2011; Lovely night, no?; Grimey Drawer

Bad Munki posted:

Well if you would just answer my calls so I can yell at you for not running the fight, then I'd stop calling and you could run a fight!

How are you calling Spermy if you're dead on a horn, honking forever? Did you set up some kind of auto call bot?

Or an auto post bot, for that matter?

# ? Dec 8, 2016 18:52

Moleboy: Apr 20, 2011; Looksy
-Hindsight-

Looking Back, I am sure of 2 things:
1. I should have found the thread before it finished
2. Grimper may have actually done one or two things wrong

Krunge posted:

How are you calling Spermy if you're dead on a horn, honking forever? Did you set up some kind of auto call bot?

Or an auto post bot, for that matter?

# ? Dec 8, 2016 18:57

Bad Munki: Nov 4, 2008; We're all mad here.

Krunge posted:

How are you calling Spermy if you're dead on a horn, honking forever? Did you set up some kind of auto call bot?

Or an auto post bot, for that matter?

Until Spermy Smurf runs the fight, I am in a quantum superposition, both alive and dead. I am schr�dinger's shitposter.

# ? Dec 8, 2016 19:01

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Krunge posted:

How are you calling Spermy if you're dead on a horn, honking forever? Did you set up some kind of auto call bot?

Or an auto post bot, for that matter?

Those calls are all horn honks, duh.

# ? Dec 8, 2016 19:05

Spermy Smurf: Jul 2, 2004

All this honking is driving me insane. I'm running Bad Munki's fight now.

# ? Dec 9, 2016 13:47

Spermy Smurf: Jul 2, 2004

Round 1, Fight 6 :siren:

Bad Munki's Team is on the left side of the arena.
Spermy Smurf (Coward) is a male serpent man. He is empty handed and wears a copper helm, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, iron gauntlets, and iron high boots.
Keith Vaz (Dirty Frank) is a male tigerman. He wields a steel long sword and wears no armor.
2016 (goatface) is a male dwarf. He wields a silver maul and wears an iron helm, leather armor, an iron mail shirt, iron gauntlets, and iron high boots.

Goons of Yore is on the right side of the arena.
HanzoSteel McSperg the 2nd (moleboy) is a male molemarian. He wields a copper long sword and a wooden shield and wears a copper helm and a copper breast plate.
Accrington Stabley (fallingdownjoe) is a male kobold. He wields an iron bow and wears no armor.
Sarah of the Silken Beard (Cythereal) is a female dwarf. She wields an iron great axe and wears a copper mail shirt, leather leggings, and leather gauntlets.

Goons of Yore is a 1.20 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 1596.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 1325.00 dwarfbucks for Bad Munki's Team.

We actually have an archer. This is going to be awesome.

twang goes the bowstring. Direct hit! The arrow strikes the handsome Spermy Smurf in the arm! It bruises muscle, stopped by the iron mail shirt and layered leather armor.

The other gladiators clash in the middle of the arena. HanzoSteel slashes deep into Keith Vaz's calf, sending the tiger to the floor. Spermy Smurf, as cunning as he is handsome, takes advantage and bites Hanzo in the foot. Blood spurts to the floor, and then paralyzing venom pumps through the molemans blood.

HanzoSteel drops to the floor, paralyzed.

Keith Vaz takes his head.

Sarah dodges west and now ends up on the left side of the fight while her teammate reloads. That's a veteran move right there. With everyone's backs to the archer it should be easy shooting.

2016 and Sarah trade blows, but armor protects both fighters. Sarah watches her kobold teammate fire an arrow but at the same time the huge-dicked Spermy Smurf bites her foot. Venom is injected and down goes Sarah. Keith takes off her foot while 2016 works on her dome.

The arrow flies true while Sarah is being thrashed around in Spermy's mouth... and it bruises 2016. Iron mail with layered leather armor apparently stops arrows dead.

Keith takes Sarahs head off after a bit more mutilating occurs.

Accrington Stably stares down his doom in the ugly mug of 2016 and the chiseled jawline and huge dick of Spermy Smurf charging.

Oh hey I found Hanzo's head! Accrington draws back the bow and takes aim.

Spermy and 2016 coordinate attacks. A bite to the foot, venom injected, and a silver maul crashing into ribs.

But what's this? Accrington the bowbold falls over with paralyzing venom coursing through his veins. Every single muscle locks up, the arrow releases from unresponsive hands.

BOOM HEADSHOT

2016 cries, knowing Spermy Smurf was the heart, soul, looks, dong, and generally the best fighter to ever grace the arena. Through tears the dwarf smashes the kobold to bits.

Winners: Bad Munki's Team with a 3-1 victory

Kills:
Keith Vaz: 2
2016: 1

Accrington Stabley: 1

Combat Log