Star Wars VIII spoil-o-rama thread. You've been warned!

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Cinema Discusso > Star Wars VIII spoil-o-rama thread. You've been warned!

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wyoming: Jun 7, 2010; Like a television
tuned to a dead channel.

Mameluke posted:

As revealing as those spoilers are in a lot of ways, they don't actually give away that much of the plot.

I'm guessing, they steal the Death Star blueprints.

Gonz posted:

Ahahahahahaha EVERYONE DIES! EVERYONE!

Oh man this is gonna be so good AND piss off a lot of people who were suggesting that Jyn was Rey's mom.

EDIT: (I know this is the spoiler thread, but just to be semi-safe, I used spoiler tags in the event others don't want to click on that link)

Oh so they're holding true to Lucas' vision then?

"How does George Lucas crush someone's soul in two words?"

quote:

This is sometime between the release of Episode 1 and Episode 2 - probably fall of 2000. We had a continually running class that took on one or two directors for the entire semester. The year before I had taken the Hitchcock class. This semester it was on George Lucas. The class filled super quickly because it was open to all students and film students didn't get priority, so basically if you weren't a senior or lucky junior you didn't get in. Unless you were working in the projection booth for that class, like I was.

The class is roughly 250 people with a makeup of what you probably suspect. The Q and A with George was week 14, so by then we had been able to recognize certain people from up in the booth. One of those people was basically a tall, skinny guy who was obviously a HUGE fan of Star Wars. He wasn't a jerky pedantic fan, but you could tell from his questions throughout the year (and from random conversations we would hear him in before class) that he absolutely adored the films and the characters. He was also one of the big Jar Jar apologists in the class and would passionately defend Episode 1, which seemed to be what half of the questions and conversations outside of the class and during the break were about. Frankly, he seemed like a nice enough guy and was much more tolerable than a lot of the other "noticeable" people in that class. For simplicity I'll just call him Tim because it is short to type.

Cut to George Lucas day. The professor gives a thirty minute spiel waxing poetic about University Board Member and huge donor Mr. Lucas. Gorge Speaks for about twenty minutes. Then there is a Q and A session which lasts about an hour. One microphone on each of the two aisles, people standing in line to ask questions, professor stepping in from time to time to expand on things. This class runs from 7 to 11 at night, so it is around 9 as the session wraps up. There are only a couple of people left in line to ask questions, and we notice up in the booth that Tim has slowly made his way down one of the aisles and now is the last person in that line.

Tim's time finally comes, and it looks like he will be the second to the last question. He approaches the mic and starts his question - or more correctly his explanation. He goes on about how he always felt the strength of the films was in the protagonists, and how thoughts of Luke, Leia, Han and Chewey always helped get him through sad times because they were such fun and life-embracing people (people, not characters). I can't even paraphrase everything he said, or how his excitement and joy grew with each word, but after a couple of minutes he finally got to the question. "So, basically, my question is to ask what happened to them after Jedi. Did they stay friends? Go on more adventures? Did they ever have kids of their own?"

This whole time George has been sitting in his chair with the table and water at his side on the stage in front of the screen. He doesn't move or blink during the question, and appears to be giving Tim his rapt attention. After Tim finishes, he looks up for a moment or two in a "pondering" pose, then looks back and slowly says "They died." He then turns to the other aisle for the final question.

Tim just sort of slowly stood at the mic after that. I couldn't see his face, but his entire body just sort of slumped. The person in the other aisle just quietly said "I think you answered my question already" and went back to his seat. The theater was pitch quiet, Lucas had turned back to face the center of the theater and took a sip of water, and the professor just sort of slowly walked forward and said "If there are no more questions, lets take our break and start the film in ten minutes."

People slowly shuffled out of the theater. I had to stay in the booth to get things set up, so I never saw Tim's face, but I do know it took him about two minutes before he left that now dead mic on the left aisle. I didn't see anyone in his seat once we got the film going after break. Tim didn't show for the final class, although to be fair there was only one more class left, and that is the one that they screened Episode 1. I can't honestly say I blame him.

I knew a few people who took the class, and I guess Tim turned in his final about thirty minutes into the test. Those finals are two to three hour multi-part essay tests, and you take them in the big theater, so everyone saw him turn it in way, way before anyone else finished. I'd love to have read what he wrote in that bluebook.

# ? Dec 2, 2016 17:51

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# ? May 17, 2024 13:10

Jose Oquendo: Jun 20, 2004; Star Trek: The Motion Picture is a boring movie

I've read that story before and it's great every time. I'm also not surprised at everyone in Rogue One dying.

# ? Dec 2, 2016 18:17

Phi230: Feb 2, 2016; by Fluffdaddy

Everyone dying has to happen else you start loving with the OT

RO has to be self-contained and transition smoothly with no loose ends into ANH and thats whats gonna happen

# ? Dec 2, 2016 19:54

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Phi230 posted:

Everyone dying has to happen else you start loving with the OT

RO has to be self-contained and transition smoothly with no loose ends into ANH and thats whats gonna happen

It actually doesn't. Like, it not impossible it could do something like have the main characters kill Darth Vader and retcon it that an unrelated character pretends to be him in the other films and this retcons why the force ghost doesn't look like the dead guy. It could do this!

It won't because that's embarrassingly bad writing, but there really aren't many constraints on the movie.

# ? Dec 2, 2016 20:44

mycot: Oct 23, 2014; "It's okay. There are other Terminators! Just give us this one!"; Hell Gem

Barudak posted:

It actually doesn't. Like, it not impossible it could do something like have the main characters kill Darth Vader and retcon it that an unrelated character pretends to be him in the other films and this retcons why the force ghost doesn't look like the dead guy. It could do this!

It won't because that's embarrassingly bad writing, but there really aren't many constraints on the movie.

This seems like you're parodying/referencing something that actually happened somewhere but I can't figure out what.

# ? Dec 2, 2016 22:26

banned from Starbucks: Jul 18, 2004

mycot posted:

This seems like you're parodying/referencing something that actually happened somewhere but I can't figure out what.

Wasnt that the one of the unused endings to terminator salvation

# ? Dec 2, 2016 22:31

Electromax: May 6, 2007

It turns out the main squad in Rogue One was down there near the thermal exhaust port all along, holding it open with their bare hands so Luke could fire his missile before they die in the explosion.

# ? Dec 2, 2016 22:39

Captain Splendid: Jan 7, 2009; Qu'en pense Caffarelli?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiiCkWEavI0

# ? Dec 2, 2016 22:53

Phi230: Feb 2, 2016; by Fluffdaddy

banned from Starbucks posted:

Wasnt that the one of the unused endings to terminator salvation

no I think that aws the actual plot to Sam Worthington's character

# ? Dec 2, 2016 23:34

Cross-Section: Mar 18, 2009

From a recent R1 creature featurette:

Spot the spoiler! :haw:

Cross-Section fucked around with this message at 06:14 on Dec 5, 2016

# ? Dec 5, 2016 06:09

Aaronicon: Oct 2, 2010; A BLOO BLOO ANYONE I DISAGREE WITH IS A "BAD PERSON" WHO DESERVES TO DIE PLEEEASE DONT FALL ALL OVER YOURSELF WHITEWASHING THEM A BLOO BLOO

Is that an out-of-suit Darth Vader?

# ? Dec 5, 2016 06:23

wyoming: Jun 7, 2010; Like a television
tuned to a dead channel.

Aaronicon posted:

Is that an out-of-suit Darth Vader?

Time traveling Luuke.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 06:27

Fezz: Aug 31, 2001; You should feel ashamed.

Is the spoiler that it's all fake and none of it is real?

# ? Dec 5, 2016 06:30

Cross-Section: Mar 18, 2009

As an addendum, here's a screengrab from the very first teaser:

To be fair, the "Vader's in the bacta tank" theory is as old as this image is, but it's still cool to see it potentially validated.

Fezz posted:

Is the spoiler that it's all fake and none of it is real?

No, the real spoiler is that we're all fake, and Star Wars is the only real thing.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 06:32

Aaronicon: Oct 2, 2010; A BLOO BLOO ANYONE I DISAGREE WITH IS A "BAD PERSON" WHO DESERVES TO DIE PLEEEASE DONT FALL ALL OVER YOURSELF WHITEWASHING THEM A BLOO BLOO

I don't get why he'd be in the tank, though. It's not like he was floating around waiting for the Vader suit to be built. It was good to go like 3 seconds after he got his dumb rear end volcanoed. And the only time after that we see him without the suit on, he was inside his Vader Dome with his helmet off.

I'm not saying that it's not him, just that I don't know why he'd be in a bacta tank unless something hosed him up horribly and destroyed his suit, and Rogue One's not that movie considering it's supposed to end like minutes before we see him stroll aboard the Tantive IV in A New Hope.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 06:36

Cross-Section: Mar 18, 2009

I'm totally with you in that it doesn't make a ton of sense for Vader to be in such a position; I've seen ruminations on the level that Vader is being "activated" by Palpatine to go and retrieve the plans, which is somewhat mystifying as he's pretty much free-roaming in Tarkin and Rebels.

The way the latter's been going, however, I wouldn't be surprised if something may happen in that show that would justify Vader being placed in a bacta tank, with his recovery coinciding with R1. That said, he did survive a Sith superweapon exploding mostly-unscathed in last season's finale, so :shrug:

# ? Dec 5, 2016 06:45

Captain Splendid: Jan 7, 2009; Qu'en pense Caffarelli?

Cross-Section posted:

From a recent R1 creature featurette:

Spot the spoiler!

Season 2 Mountain/ Wun Wun!

# ? Dec 5, 2016 13:02

Young Freud: Nov 26, 2006

Aaronicon posted:

I don't get why he'd be in the tank, though. It's not like he was floating around waiting for the Vader suit to be built. It was good to go like 3 seconds after he got his dumb rear end volcanoed. And the only time after that we see him without the suit on, he was inside his Vader Dome with his helmet off.

I'm not saying that it's not him, just that I don't know why he'd be in a bacta tank unless something hosed him up horribly and destroyed his suit, and Rogue One's not that movie considering it's supposed to end like minutes before we see him stroll aboard the Tantive IV in A New Hope.

Maybe he's just needs a shower now and then.

Or, better theory, maybe Darth's constantly dying.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 13:50

PassTheRemote: Mar 15, 2007; Number 6 holds The Village record in Duck Hunt.

The first one to kill wins.

He's in the tank because of his fight with Goku on earth.

My guess is he has to enter the tank every once in a while while his suit is having maintenance. Also to clena himself off, cause he must smell like feet wrapped in leathery burnt bacon.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 14:40

McSpanky: Jan 16, 2005

Cross-Section posted:

From a recent R1 creature featurette:

Spot the spoiler!

Bane??

# ? Dec 5, 2016 17:03

Vintimus Prime: Apr 24, 2008; DERRRRRPPP what are picture threads for????

PassTheRemote posted:

He's in the tank because of his fight with Goku on earth.

My guess is he has to enter the tank every once in a while while his suit is having maintenance. Also to clena himself off, cause he must smell like feet wrapped in leathery burnt bacon.

That does make quite a bit of sense

# ? Dec 5, 2016 19:16

wyoming: Jun 7, 2010; Like a television
tuned to a dead channel.

Cross-Section posted:

That said, he did survive a Sith superweapon exploding mostly-unscathed in last season's finale, so

Was that the one where Maul stole his TIE?
I love that episode if only because most of it is them arguing if they can trust the dude that looks like space-satan or not.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 20:13

Die Sexmonster!: Nov 30, 2005

Young Freud posted:

Or, better theory, maybe Darth's constantly dying.

party on, darth

# ? Dec 5, 2016 20:45

Cross-Section: Mar 18, 2009

wyoming posted:

Was that the one where Maul stole his TIE?
I love that episode if only because most of it is them arguing if they can trust the dude that looks like space-satan or not.

something something 2016 election metaphor

Also I think Maul stole one of the Inquisitors' TIEs

# ? Dec 5, 2016 21:07

Kazzah: Jul 15, 2011; Formerly known as
Krazyface; Hair Elf

Young Freud posted:

Maybe he's just needs a shower now and then.

Or, better theory, maybe Darth's constantly dying.

He has good days, and bad.

# ? Dec 6, 2016 05:30

Captain Splendid: Jan 7, 2009; Qu'en pense Caffarelli?

Has this been mentioned yet?

Ghost, or at least the same class

# ? Dec 7, 2016 01:35

Mantis42: Jul 26, 2010

Gonz posted:

Looks like Y-Wings and A-Wings (and black & white X-Wings) will play a part in Rogue One.

(News has been slow regarding spoilers, I know)

Reminds me of the fold out Death Star toy I had in the 90s.

# ? Dec 7, 2016 08:27

Asimo: Sep 23, 2007

.... Why is it full of Tatooine?

# ? Dec 7, 2016 12:34

Captain Splendid: Jan 7, 2009; Qu'en pense Caffarelli?

Asimo posted:

.... Why is it full of Tatooine?

Sand gets everywhere.

# ? Dec 7, 2016 13:15

BigglesSWE: Dec 2, 2014; How 'bout them hawks news huh!

Gonz posted:

Looks like Y-Wings and A-Wings (and black & white X-Wings) will play a part in Rogue One.

(News has been slow regarding spoilers, I know)

I thought micromachines went bankrupt some time ago???

# ? Dec 7, 2016 14:42

The MSJ: May 17, 2010

BigglesSWE posted:

I thought micromachines went bankrupt some time ago???

Hasbro probably bought them like they did a lot of things.

# ? Dec 7, 2016 15:21

wyoming: Jun 7, 2010; Like a television
tuned to a dead channel.

Asimo posted:

.... Why is it full of Tatooine?

The plans reveal it was powered by Vader's hate.

# ? Dec 7, 2016 18:36

Fuzz: Jun 2, 2003; Avatar brought to you by the TG Sanity fund

Asimo posted:

.... Why is it full of Tatooine?

The emperor REALLY likes cats...

# ? Dec 7, 2016 18:41

Cross-Section: Mar 18, 2009

Tracklist for the R1 soundtrack; sadly, Giacchino was only able to sneak 1 or 2 puns in:

quote:

1. He's Here For Us
2. A Long Ride Ahead
3. Wobani Imperial Labor Camp
4. Trust Goes Both Ways
5. When Has Become Now
6. Jedha Arrival
7. Jedha City Ambush
8. Star-Dust
9. Confrontation on Eadu
10. Krennic's Aspirations
11. Rebellions Are Built on Hope
12. Rogue One
13. Cargo Shuttle SW-0608
14. Scrambling the Rebel Fleet
15. AT-ACT Assault
16. The Master Switch
17. Your Father Would Be Proud
18. Hope
19. Jyn Erso & Hope Suite
20. The Imperial Suite
21. Guardians of the Whills Suite

Originated from here though they have since taken the tracklist down.

# ? Dec 8, 2016 19:04

Jose Oquendo: Jun 20, 2004; Star Trek: The Motion Picture is a boring movie

So are we going to get an explanation as to who or what the Whills are?

# ? Dec 8, 2016 19:49

Arglebargle III: Feb 21, 2006

Jose Oquendo posted:

So are we going to get an explanation as to who or what the Whills are?

Whait, what?

# ? Dec 8, 2016 20:55

Gonz: Dec 22, 2009; "Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"

This week, Disney/Lucasfilm submitted a trademark filing to the European Union Intellectual Property Office for �Star Wars: Forces of Destiny.�

Naturally, people are suggesting that it's the title for Episode VIII. Or it might not be. We'll see.

Apparently the list of trademark requests is over 2,000 words long and includes everything from toys to clothes to office equipment to Christmas ornaments, so that's why everyone thinks it's for VIII.

I doubt it, though. Two back to back movies with "Force" in the subtitle? Ehhhhhhh.

Gonz fucked around with this message at 08:13 on Dec 9, 2016

# ? Dec 9, 2016 08:07

Kart Barfunkel: Nov 10, 2009

Perhaps it's a video game or TV show or some other piece of marketing crap? 2000 words covers a small drop for Star Wars. I agree that title is lame. TFA was a limp noodle name, this one doubly so.

E: to sound slightly less crotchety.

Kart Barfunkel fucked around with this message at 10:19 on Dec 9, 2016

# ? Dec 9, 2016 09:09

Gonz: Dec 22, 2009; "Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"

Yeah, i'm thinking it's probably a videogame or TV show.

# ? Dec 9, 2016 09:11

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# ? May 17, 2024 13:10

anglachel: May 28, 2012

Gonz posted:

I doubt it, though. Two back to back movies with "Force" in the subtitle? Ehhhhhhh.

Yes I too believe they would never go with a super safe, generic, and boring name after seeing The Force Awakens.

# ? Dec 9, 2016 13:42

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Cinema Discusso > Star Wars VIII spoil-o-rama thread. You've been warned!

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