/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Mocking Bird: Aug 17, 2011

I like video games because they immobilize whoever I'm dating so I can nuzzle and pet them while also doing whatever I want on my phone without them getting pissy I'm not paying attention to Netflix or whatever

I'm basically that Reddit girl except I break up with people who don't respect me or have any social skills

# ? Dec 12, 2016 19:40

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# ? May 16, 2024 07:34

Drunk Nerds: Jan 25, 2011; Just close your eyes; Fun Shoe

Lockback posted:

I like people asking permission to break up.
My girlfriend [24f] basically catfished me [28m] to see if I'd cheat. I'm furious and don't know if this is grounds for breaking up or not.

No details on what he's said to these made-up women though.

Eagerly waiting for that obvious twist

# ? Dec 12, 2016 19:43

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

Pick posted:

I mean, unless it is a game like Illbleed where the controls are terrible so you don't actually want to play it, but it is totally worth it for cork goes to hell

Illbleed is the best

# ? Dec 12, 2016 19:44

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

Mocking Bird posted:

I'm basically that Reddit girl except I break up with people who don't respect me or have any social skills

How do you break up with yourself???

# ? Dec 12, 2016 19:48

flick my Mr. Bean: Nov 18, 2014

Lockback posted:

I like people asking permission to break up.
My girlfriend [24f] basically catfished me [28m] to see if I'd cheat. I'm furious and don't know if this is grounds for breaking up or not.

No details on what he's said to these made-up women though.

The only solution is to start messaging the catfish profiles about how he hates all the things his girlfriend is insecure. "I wish she had your nose...hers looks like somebody tried to pull it off when she was a baby"

It's the only solution.

# ? Dec 12, 2016 19:54

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Is it touching the poop to link? Because it's just the thread which is just the title and an attached image.
I'll link it but will remove if this isn't okay!
https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/5hq82e/wtf_that_isnt_a_thing_you_dont_have_a_disability/?st=iwmfv95t&sh=f24bdf64

# ? Dec 12, 2016 20:03

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

54 40 or gently caress posted:

Is it touching the poop to link? Because it's just the thread which is just the title and an attached image.
I'll link it but will remove if this isn't okay!

[�]Not_really_anywhere 12 points 22 hours ago

Our Wegmans has those. I keep telling my mom park there when I'm with her. She's a customer with a child. Her child just happens to be 43. Hey, I've got osteoarthritis in my knee and need a replacement. I have more of a need for a close spot then a brat that could probably use the exercise.

:allears:

# ? Dec 12, 2016 20:06

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

HardDiskD posted:

[�]Not_really_anywhere 12 points 22 hours ago

Our Wegmans has those. I keep telling my mom park there when I'm with her. She's a customer with a child. Her child just happens to be 43. Hey, I've got osteoarthritis in my knee and need a replacement. I have more of a need for a close spot then a brat that could probably use the exercise.

Oh the replies are such gold. I can't believe how offended they all are over the maybe 2-4 parking spaces designed for Someone Who Is Not Them

They're also complaining about Veteran parking

54 40 or fuck fucked around with this message at 20:14 on Dec 12, 2016

# ? Dec 12, 2016 20:09

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

loquacius posted:

There was that sequence from The Graduate where the main character is pressured into going on a date with Mrs Robinson's daughter but has no interest in her so he takes her on the worst date possible so she'll leave him alone

but he loses his nerve halfway through and they End Up Together

Pro dating tip: if your date thinks the end of The Graduate is romantic, end the date and never talk to them again.

# ? Dec 12, 2016 20:14

Griefor: Jun 11, 2009

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

The only solution is to start messaging the catfish profiles about how he hates all the things his girlfriend is insecure. "I wish she had your nose...hers looks like somebody tried to pull it off when she was a baby"

It's the only solution.

There has to be more opportunities for fuckery. Like telling them that you are going to propose to your girlfriend. Then the next day you get down on one knee multiple times to do things like tie your shoelaces.

# ? Dec 12, 2016 20:20

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

54 40 or gently caress posted:

Oh the replies are such gold. I can't believe how offended they all are over the maybe 2-4 parking spaces designed for Someone Who Is Not Them

They're also complaining about Veteran parking

people who have a pressing need to park very close to where they are going and complain about not being able to do so are generally not worthwhile people

also people who drive in front of the grocery store or wherever and get impatient by people crossing that lane to get into the store. stop driving in front of the store, dummy!

# ? Dec 12, 2016 20:22

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

People who drive are assholes. Don't you care about the earth? Get a goddamn bike.

# ? Dec 12, 2016 20:23

stump collector: May 28, 2007

I LIVE IN A SUBURBAN HELLSCAPE and its driving me mad

# ? Dec 12, 2016 20:26

gninjagnome: Apr 17, 2003

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

The only solution is to start messaging the catfish profiles about how he hates all the things his girlfriend is insecure. "I wish she had your nose...hers looks like somebody tried to pull it off when she was a baby"

It's the only solution.

Confess that you've been catfishing them the whole time. Tell them you are really the girlfriend.

# ? Dec 12, 2016 20:26

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

quote:

Was my [23 F] boyfriend [23 M] being too flirty or am I being crazy?

So I was at a party with my boyfriend (of only 2 months) last week and there was this girl that couldn't keep his hands off him (I'm pretty sure she knows we are together). He didn't seem to mind though. She would grab his hand and lead him around the party, the kept play fighting/wrestling where he would cary her around and throw her onto things and tickle her, they would sit on the couch with her legs wrapped around him. Just stuff like that which really got to me.

I asked him about it after and he said I was being crazy and that I was embarrassing myself by bringing it up. ("She lives in a different state and is just visiting... why would you get so hung up about me spending time with my friend?")

I'm not sure what to do, maybe I am being crazy. Any thoughts?

tl;dr: Is my man being too flirty with this girl or am I being crazy?

# ? Dec 12, 2016 20:32

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

Christmas drama

quote:

My (28/F) massive family drama over handmade gifts.

I have a big Italian Catholic family, with a ton of extended family members. Eight aunts and uncles, and fourteen first cousins. This is in addition to my siblings and nieces and nephews.

It has long been a family tradition for every adult to get a present for each and every one of your aunts, and uncles, cousins and their kids. Saving up to buy Christmas presents has become something of a family joke, but most of my family is VERY well to do and can afford to get everyone a $10-20 gift.

When I was 12, I handmade everyone an ornament for Christmas. Everybody loved them and asked me to make them the next year. It became a tradition. I took time to customize each ornament to the giftee, using their interests and names. But, when I was in college it was made apparent to me that I shouldn't "just" make the ornament. I was still expected to give a purchased present as well.

So, the last few years I've found myself spending over a thousand dollars on gifts just on my extended family, plus hours making the ornaments, a hardship considering I'm not terribly well off. Meanwhile, I've become a professional artisan working in a traditional medium. My bigger work sells in galleries, and I sell smaller items online. Something similar to the ornaments would sell for $50-70 easily.

This year I finally had reason to put my foot down. I was in a hit and run accident on my bike and had massive medical bills in March. I simply can't afford the huge gift exchange. So, back in October, I contacted my family through our group chat and said I would only be doing the ornaments, explained their value and why money was too tightly also do purchased gifts. Half of the messages back whined that this was unfair that I was "getting out of" the gift exchange. The other half expressed concern.

A bit later, I got a private message saying that several if my aunts and uncles had talked it over and decided that if I wasn't giving gifts, I wouldn't be getting gifts. After all, they didn't want other cousins thinking they could "slap something silly together" and still get "real gifts" from family. I lost my temper. I copied this to the group chat and said that my handcrafted ornaments were my "real gift". I said if only purchased presents counted they could buy similar items off my etsy page, which I copied. But, I pointed out, things sold fast as my work was in high demand. One cousin fired back that purchased presents were more valuable and I didn't deserve them. So I said I was okay not getting gifts because I had all the snuggies, coffee mugs and candles I could ever need.

Things fell apart at this point. Cousin A (who I don't get along with) ended up bemoaning that I just gave ornaments, but that she wanted a larger piece from my etsy store, valued at $300. Cousin B ripped into her and said if she wanted it she should buy it, as he had heard I was having financial trouble and could probably use the sales. Cousin A's mother is the host for Christmas, and she called my mom and they had an argument. My aunt uninvited from Christmas.

I said this was fine, but then I was obviously not making the ornaments at all. The same aunt who banned me from Christmas, one of my other aunts, and two female cousins then started throwing a fit that they loved the ornaments, had their tree decorated with them, everyone wanted to know where to get them, etc. They wanted me to send ornaments despite not being invited. Uh, no.

I decided to call their bluff. I made plans to be elsewhere for Christmas and un subscribed from the group chat. I guess the drama continued. Everyone was furious at my aunt for kicking me out of Christmas, saying that no one had ever been kicked out of family get togethers ever. The consensus was reached that I was reinvited and that the ornaments were a good enough gift to be in the gift exchange. I got a message from a friendly cousin to this effect, but not an apology from any if the aggressors.

The thing is, I didn't make the ornaments at all. So now if I accept their invite, I will have to rush to make the ornaments in time for Christmas and cancel my other plans. And, frankly, I'm really not feeling making them thanks to the whole drama.

tl;dr: Im a professional artist and only planned to give handmade gifts this year. Was kicked out of Christmas. Now I'm reinvited, but not apologized to and don't know whether to accept

# ? Dec 12, 2016 20:38

Pivotal Lever: Sep 9, 2003

I walked in on them loving in the bathroom and asked what they are doing. My boyfriend said "Don't get so huffy, she lives in another state, I don't get a chance to bang her that often, chill out."

# ? Dec 12, 2016 20:44

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

lol "purchased presents are more valuable" get a load of this fucko.

# ? Dec 12, 2016 20:44

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Yeah I was upset by that one. I think she should maybe go to the christmas party but definitely not bring gifts. She can decide individually who among those hundred people actually makes enough of a positive difference in her life to warrant a gift.

# ? Dec 12, 2016 20:51

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Some people have the absolute worst etiquette in the entire world, it is loving unbelievable

# ? Dec 12, 2016 20:52

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

The entire family needs a series of Stone Cold Stunners.

# ? Dec 12, 2016 21:03

MF_James: May 8, 2008; I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

Holy gently caress at adults crying about not getting gifts.

I have a large italian family as well, you know what we do? Grab bag for everyone 16+ that wants to be involved. You spend $50 on one person and one person does the same for you. My immediate family gets stuff as well and then kids get stuff as well, and if you're broke, like I have been previously, you either don't do anything except the grab bag or do small stuff that you can afford.

# ? Dec 12, 2016 21:15

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Confession, my wife watches me play video games sometimes but most of the time she's doing something else so she loses the plot by like an hour in

If I want her to pay enough attention to a game to actually take it in, I watch her play it (and take over temporarily if she fucks up a hard part) (SEE: Chrono Trigger, I had to fight Magus for her but by the time she got to the end she could beat Lavos herself :3:

)

Pvt.Scott posted:

Pro dating tip: if your date thinks the end of The Graduate is romantic, end the date and never talk to them again.

Me [29/m] with my girlfriend [25/f], everything in the relationship is perfect, but her analysis of classic films leaves much to be desired

# ? Dec 12, 2016 21:19

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

MF_James posted:

Holy gently caress at adults crying about not getting gifts.

I have a large italian family as well, you know what we do? Grab bag for everyone 16+ that wants to be involved. You spend $50 on one person and one person does the same for you. My immediate family gets stuff as well and then kids get stuff as well, and if you're broke, like I have been previously, you either don't do anything except the grab bag or do small stuff that you can afford.

On either side of my family it's pretty much "if you have money, get a couple gifts, everyone gets a card and some candy, make a gift if you want because that's awesome. Also, don't buy me a gift and I won't buy you a gift and we'll just hug and say merry Christmas I love you and poo poo."

# ? Dec 12, 2016 21:24

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Pvt.Scott posted:

Pro dating tip: if your date thinks the end of The Graduate is romantic, end the date and never talk to them again.

Supposedly it was originally written that way in the script, and the iconic moment at the end was actually because the actors were nervous and uncomfortable because the director had yelled at them to laugh, and then he loved it and kept the camera rolling and put it in the movie.

Not really apropos of anything, but I just think it's neat that it was an unplanned thing that just happened to be perfect.

# ? Dec 12, 2016 21:44

Bonster: Mar 3, 2007; Keep rolling, rolling

My parents both come from large families and the general rule always was that you get gifts for the children and pitch in on a big gift for the grandparents, but otherwise your presence was the gift.

# ? Dec 12, 2016 21:46

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

fruit on the bottom posted:

Supposedly it was originally written that way in the script, and the iconic moment at the end was actually because the actors were nervous and uncomfortable because the director had yelled at them to laugh, and then he loved it and kept the camera rolling and put it in the movie.

Not really apropos of anything, but I just think it's neat that it was an unplanned thing that just happened to be perfect.

It changes the entire movie though! I'm not complaining, it's much better this way, I just don't get how your decision-making could work that way and arrive at this decision entirely by accident. I am not A Creative.

# ? Dec 12, 2016 21:49

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

Lockback posted:

I like people asking permission to break up.
My girlfriend [24f] basically catfished me [28m] to see if I'd cheat. I'm furious and don't know if this is grounds for breaking up or not.

No details on what he's said to these made-up women though.

I had a girlfriend do this to me, sorta. She started texting me from another girls phone who I knew very well. Other girl was basically grammatically retarded, but somehow starts using perfect punctuation and spelling when asking if I want to hook up. It took me all of 2 texts to accuse her of being my stupid girlfriend, who then dumped me for attempting to cheat on her.

Yes it was highschool

Edit: Content

The girl [27F] I've [28M] been dating for about 7 months wont take our relationship to the next level because a fortune teller told her that the relationship is doomed.

quote:

So, I've been dating this girl, her name is Ashley, from work for about 7 months but not exclusively. I say not exclusively because she isnt my girlfriend but we dont go out and date other people. We see each other everyday at work and hangout pretty much every weekend. She's great and fun and I really see a future with this girl. Recently I told her that I want to take the relationship to a more seriously level, meaning definitely be exclusive and meet her parents, she agreed and wants to commit also but had one condition.
The condition was to go meet with a fortune teller and have the fortune teller assess our relationship. I literally thought she was joking so I said yeah of course. That weekend she asks me to meet to go talk to the fortune teller. I was shocked at first but I kept thinking it was a huge joke so I met her and played along.
Well turns out she was very serious about meeting a fortune teller and getting her approval. As I sat there, I found myself honestly hoping that the fortune teller would give good news but I don't believe in that stuff. The fortune teller says that Ashley wants to get married soon, but I don't, which is not true. I've thought about it a lot and I want to start a family within the next few years. the fortune teller also said that because I am starting something new that it would be difficult for us. That part actually caught me off guard because its actually true that I'm going to quit the company soon and go back to school to start on my PhD. I told the fortune teller that I will be going back to school soon and she said that because I would be going back to school that our relationship is impossible and we would not be able to marry. I laughed it off but Ashley took if very seriously.
Later that night, we started talking about what the fortune teller said and I joked about how she knew i was going to school but didnt know which school. the conversation got extremely awkward and eventually Ashley said that we can't date anymore because it won't work out because thats what the fortune teller said. Again, I thought she was joking but apparently she was very serious. Ashley suggested we break up and just be friends from now on. I was so shocked that she would believe the words of a stranger over her own feelings. I like her very much and I'm at a point in my life where I want to take relationships more seriously. I couldn't believe that she would just throw away the better part of a year for what a fortune teller said.
Now it is loving awkward at work and worse part is that we sit next to each other. We barely speak to each other now and people at work are asking if something is wrong. I literally don't know what to do and I'm so confused.
Am I crazy for thinking she is nuts? how do i even act around her now? i can just act like the last 6 months didnt happen or didnt mean anything. Should i just forget all this happened? I'm also considering quitting my job early and just start prepping for school.
Tl;dr: co-worker I've been dating won't take our relationship to a more seriously level because a fortune teller said our relationship is doomed.

# ? Dec 12, 2016 21:52

Tender Bender: Sep 17, 2004

Lmao as soon as that drama started I would have backed out of the loving gift exchange and told my family to give me something if they wanted to, and if they're only following the rules of the loving gift exchange then don't worry about it. What a bunch of babies.

# ? Dec 12, 2016 21:55

Ratjaculation: Aug 3, 2007

Nazzadan posted:

The girl [27F] I've [28M] been dating for about 7 months wont take our relationship to the next level because a fortune teller told her that the relationship is doomed.

Works for South Korea's president

# ? Dec 12, 2016 22:02

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

Me [21 F] with my Boyfriend[21 M] are having issues because I think sex is a chore

quote:

I've only ever had sex with my bf. Prior to that I would say I was VERY curious about sex. I always thought that I would be super into when I started - I watched a lot of porn in my youth but It's gone to a slow decline to a point where now i barely watch any.

Anyway For the first few months after we first started,I was really interested but I think it was most experimental cuz I remember really trying to get into it. I didn't know how sex worked so I was trying to figure it out.

And it's not like our sex is super "vanilla" I think I'm just not interest once i discovered sex is over rated I know its an uncommon opinion... I tried to tell him that but he thinks I'm not attracted to him anymore and that It's not a logical explanation

The cons (sweaty, stinky, time-consuming, risky, i'm sore after, we could be playing board games????, food tastes better then semen??? also orgasms make me cramp up) out weight the ONLY PRO which is - You feel good.

Like i could exercise if i wanted to be sweaty and sore...

Honestly, I try but I feel like poo poo when I have to fake wanting it. I end up having to try to not think about it and putting my mind elsewhere to get through it. Not fun.

tl;dr: I'm not that interested in Sex. And it is making my boyfriend upset (insecure, disappointed etc...) Is anyone else like this?? Could this be the end?! Some solutions?

# ? Dec 12, 2016 22:10

Zelder: Jan 4, 2012

Nazzadan posted:

I had a girlfriend do this to me, sorta. She started texting me from another girls phone who I knew very well. Other girl was basically grammatically retarded, but somehow starts using perfect punctuation and spelling when asking if I want to hook up. It took me all of 2 texts to accuse her of being my stupid girlfriend, who then dumped me for attempting to cheat on her.

Yes it was highschool

Edit: Content

The girl [27F] I've [28M] been dating for about 7 months wont take our relationship to the next level because a fortune teller told her that the relationship is doomed.

This was a good episode of raising hope

# ? Dec 12, 2016 22:13

MF_James: May 8, 2008; I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

Me [21 F] with my Boyfriend[21 M] are having issues because I think sex is a chore

sadface.gif

Jesus, sex is a chore, I mean... yeah it is work, especially when you have a marathon session, but a 15-25 minute thing isn't awful, you feel great after and uh it's awesome?

I dunno, this dude must be doin some weird poo poo to her.

# ? Dec 12, 2016 22:16

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

Me [21 F] with my Boyfriend[21 M] are having issues because I think sex is a chore

quote:

the ONLY PRO which is - You feel good.

This is the most autistic way of describing how sex feels.

# ? Dec 12, 2016 22:17

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

Nazzadan posted:

The girl [27F] I've [28M] been dating for about 7 months wont take our relationship to the next level because a fortune teller told her that the relationship is doomed.

Just take her to another fortune teller and pay them to say good things about the relationship.

# ? Dec 12, 2016 22:19

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

Me [21 F] with my Boyfriend[21 M] are having issues because I think sex is a chore

At first I was like "he must not be doing it right" but then I saw the phrase "orgasms make me cramp up" and well yeesh :smith:

# ? Dec 12, 2016 22:22

an overdue owl: Feb 26, 2012; hoot

Pac-Manioc Root posted:

Some goon upthread had pretty much the best advice, paraphrasing:

"In every relationship you should treat masturbation like making GBS threads. Assume they do it but don't go out of your way to catch them at it or even give it much thought."

This is horrible and confusing advice. Be in a relationship where the thought of your partner masturbating is a pleasant and non-troubling thought for you.

# ? Dec 12, 2016 22:23

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

She wants to get married soon, he has no such desire.
He is a 28 year old who is about to quit his job to go back to school.

Don't need a crystal ball for that one! Fortune teller got it right imo.

# ? Dec 12, 2016 22:23

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

Yeah in her situation it would objectively be better if he was just bad at sex.

# ? Dec 12, 2016 22:23

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# ? May 16, 2024 07:34

C-SPAN Caller: Apr 21, 2010

MF_James posted:

sadface.gif

Jesus, sex is a chore, I mean... yeah it is work, especially when you have a marathon session, but a 15-25 minute thing isn't awful, you feel great after and uh it's awesome?

I dunno, this dude must be doin some weird poo poo to her.

Probs an asshat that thinks nibbling means "rip off your nipples"

# ? Dec 12, 2016 22:24

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