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Fleta Mcgurn posted:I wanted to share this (horribly racist?) unretouched piece from last year by everyone's favorite tits aficionado, Rihanna. Again, I haven't changed a thing: Little kids are the funniest. I met a nice Chinese lady on the train with her kids two days in a row and we chatted a bit and I noticed her youngest was acting shy and she said, "he thinks it's weird that you speak Chinese." 
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Dec 16, 2016 14:16
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Bertrand Hustle posted:Little kids are the funniest. I met a nice Chinese lady on the train with her kids two days in a row and we chatted a bit and I noticed her youngest was acting shy and she said, "he thinks it's weird that you speak Chinese." Hahaha! That happened to my husband in rural Japan a few times.
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Dec 16, 2016 14:30
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I remember this little Japanese girl on the train pulling her eyes into slits and saying "I'm Chinese! Ni Hao!" Which was pretty racist but also pretty cute
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Dec 16, 2016 14:32
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Schneider Inside Her posted:I remember this little Japanese girl on the train pulling her eyes into slits and saying "I'm Chinese! Ni Hao!" Which was pretty racist but also pretty cute That is, quite literally, adorably racist.
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Dec 18, 2016 01:57
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My mother was in a minor traffic accident the other day (nobody was hurt, thankfully), and today she told a friend of hers and her 5-year-old daughter about it. Daughter: "Was there BLOOD all over the inside of the car?" 
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Dec 20, 2016 02:15
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5 year old niece at the cemetery: All of these people are dead and never coming back.
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Dec 20, 2016 03:07
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oldpainless posted:5 year old niece at the cemetery: All of these people are dead and never coming back. Well she's not wrong... My partner has two nephews (one sister) and a niece (other sister). His brother has a dog which is staying with the nephews while he stays with the other sister until he buys a house. The 3 yo nephew is pretty certain that "Scooby" is his dog and his mum took a video of her asking who does Scooby belong to and in a very dejected tone he just goes, "Uncle David's dog..." In previous videos he was pretty stoked that Scooby would obey when he told him to sit or go to bed.
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Dec 20, 2016 12:38
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My six year old Nephew: "Auntie BattyKiara, next time you move, can you move to Angola?" Me: "Why Angola?" Nephew: "Because they have the best flag!"
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Dec 20, 2016 19:31
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Story checks out:
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Dec 20, 2016 19:37
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Tiny Brontosaurus posted:Story checks out: a good flag, but sometime let him know about the actual best flag  
Ruzihm has a new favorite as of 19:58 on Dec 20, 2016 |
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Dec 20, 2016 19:52
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Ruzihm posted:a good flag, but sometime let him know about the actual best flag I wanted to one-up you with another rad flag, but I honestly can't. That's the best flag I've ever seen. I swear fealty to it. Let me carry it into battle.
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Dec 20, 2016 20:37
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Don't forget the flag of the Benin Empire!
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Dec 21, 2016 03:29
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biosterous posted:Don't forget the flag of the Benin Empire! Yeah sword guy's pretty okay I guess but let's see if you can decapitate me and my radioactive bear. He'll split all the atoms of your face with his bare paws. And now, because I know the fact that I didn't go for the pun there will be physically painful to some of you, a PYF poo poo kids say from my own childhood. As a child I was not allowed to go outside barefoot, because we lived in a big city and that's how you get leprosy of the hepatitis. So what I loved to do was run out on the front steps and then shout up to my mom "oh no I forgot I have bare feet!" and wait for her to stick her head out the window for a scolding, only to look up at her with a huge and show off that I was wearing these: The visual pun was, it goes without saying, a gift from my father.
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Dec 21, 2016 04:08
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Ruzihm posted:a good flag, but sometime let him know about the actual best flag
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Dec 21, 2016 04:21
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GWBBQ posted:Goal Achievers: A bear splitting the atom. Turns out the "dress for the job you want" tip is applicable to countries.
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Dec 21, 2016 18:56
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"Someone stole your bumps! We need to call the doctor police!" I have tiny patches of psoriasis on my elbows, and some of the kids I work with are fascinated by them. And, evidently, very concerned when you accidentally loofah them away in the shower.
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Dec 21, 2016 20:57
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Last night, some of the local high schoolers were out in our neighborhood Christmas caroling, and they stopped at our house. My 2 year old nephew is smiling and dancing along, charming the carolers with his cuteness. After they left, my mom asked him, "Did you like those carolers coming to sing for us?" Nephew: "No." My mom: "Why not?" Nephew: "They didn't sing Frosty."
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Dec 21, 2016 23:32
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Ruzihm posted:a good flag, but sometime let him know about the actual best flag Um excuse me but Mozambique's flag has a hoe crossed with an AK-47 on it 
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Dec 22, 2016 07:31
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I asked students to answer a few questions and write a response to this video. I got a few winners: "I think they are a couple, but she has small boobs."  "I think this girl is so beautiful. I wish I had a girlfriend. But I am single dog." ME: "Does anyone know what a sitcom is?" STUDENT: "It's when there's an emcee and some celebrity sits down with them and they talk." ME: "Good guess, but that's actually called a talk show." [I explain what "sitcom" means and have them give me a few examples, then:] STUDENT: "Oh! I thought it was a sitcom because they're sitting down when they talk." And they learned the phrase "make love" somewhere and decided to use it on me. "What do you like to do on vacation?" "MAKE LOVE!!!!!!!" "What do you not like to do on vacation?" "MAKE LO-- wait! WAIT!" ME: "What should I bring on my vacation to Spain?" STUDENT: "Girlfriend." ME: "Okay, but what do I tell my husband?" OTHER STUDENT: "Be cool." ME: "Can you explain?" OTHER STUDENT: *gives me a dead-eyed stare, then jerks his head up arrogantly* "Do like that. Be cool. Say, 'I don't know what you're talking about!' Then just go and live your life with your girlfriend."
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Dec 22, 2016 10:54
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:
He's not wrong.
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Dec 22, 2016 12:20
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tacodaemon posted:Um excuse me but Mozambique's flag has a hoe crossed with an AK-47 on it And a book! Literature, agriculture, and armed resistance to... whoever tries to take the first two away?
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Dec 22, 2016 13:39
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:STUDENT: "Oh! I thought it was a sitcom because they're sitting down when they talk." That's... actually pretty clever.
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Dec 22, 2016 14:50
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I'm pretty sure I had a similar idea about sitcoms when I was a kid. Only I thought they were called sitcoms because they were comedies about people sitting around, not doing anything important.
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Dec 22, 2016 16:04
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Bertrand Hustle posted:And a book! Literature, agriculture, and armed resistance to... whoever tries to take the first two away? Wikipedia: "Green stands for the riches of the land, the white fimbriations signify peace, black represents the African continent, yellow symbolizes the country's minerals, and red represents the struggle for independence. The rifle stands for defence and vigilance, the open book symbolizes the importance of education, the hoe represents the country's agriculture, and the star symbolizes Marxism and internationalism."
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Dec 22, 2016 16:59
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flosofl posted:That's... actually pretty clever. I thought so, too!- and thankfully, she wasn't embarrassed. Nothing worse than a kid working things out independently, getting the wrong answers, and then getting all sullen and shy because they made a "mistake." pookel posted:I'm pretty sure I had a similar idea about sitcoms when I was a kid. Only I thought they were called sitcoms because they were comedies about people sitting around, not doing anything important.  Interaction I had waiting to cross the street this morning: RANDOM KID: "Hello! What's your name?" ME: "Hello, my name is Fleta! What's your name?" KID: "Okay." His tone was witheringly dismissive, like, "Yeah, I'm done talking to your rear end right now." It made me laugh. E: Thanks, sweeperbravo! I love them, too, and I think they're geniuses. We have a lot of kids who are great at English and want to go overseas based on that, but we also have a number of kids who are: 1. Genuinely unable to reach a high enough academic standard to take the Chinese college entrance exam, and hope to go overseas for their education. These kids don't usually stay with us for the full three years of the program because- surprise!- English is a HARD language to learn, and foreign universities DO have standards. Many of them are pushed into it by their families, who believe that Western schools just accept any old person. They usually refuse to recognize that TOEFL/IELTS scores actually mean nothing. If the family is recalcitrant like this, they'll push their kid into different English programs for years until some poo poo university accepts them for massive tuition fees and keeps them in some English bridging program for years and years, squeezing as much cash as they can out of them. 2. Kids who are actually good at English, but don't really want to be in the program, and are being forced into it by their families so they can make business connections overseas. These kids don't usually try. ...and when you mix these types in with the kids who do want to go overseas for their own reasons and who speak English well, it creates a lot of hilarity as well as frustration. One thing I love about my students, though, is that they really do try to help each other out. If my freshmen don't understand me, they'll discuss what I said together and usually work it out between themselves. Welp, I just wrote a bunch of thing that is probably not interesting. MY POINT IS that some people consider our students to be dumb for entering this program, and I think they're pretty goddamn smart. Posting stuff they do that's funny or cute in here helps me stay sane in the face of their parents telling me "[Student] is stupid and we've given up on him." Fleta Mcgurn has a new favorite as of 03:18 on Dec 23, 2016 |
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Dec 23, 2016 02:22
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:I asked students to answer a few questions and write a response to this video. I got a few winners: I love your kids, thank you for sharing their quotes with us
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Dec 23, 2016 03:00
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My cousin's wife is German, and since she's the stay at home parent at the moment, and her parents spent a long holiday with them this year, their two year old tends to default to German a lot of the time. She spent Christmas morning trying to order our border collie around. "Nien hund!"
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Dec 25, 2016 18:01
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AMBER: "Fleta, Fletaaaaa, I didn't do my homework because I wasn't here and maybe I don't know how to do it and I missed class and I'll try but I CAN'T DO IT." ME: "Okay, why don't you come see me later and we'll talk about it? You can give it to me on Wednesday if you need more time." AMBER: "What is the homework?" (I tell her) AMBER: "....oh. Never mind, I'm finished." *facepalm* Not really related, but one of her classmates handed in a college application essay that directly copied text from the college's website. Normally, I'd fail her for that, but since it was her entire midterm grade in that class, I let her pass with a 65. *triple facepalm* Luckily, she found it as funny as I did and 'fessed up immediately. Also, I thought I'd share the following thread from a Korean ELT site with you all: The hilarious things students say to you... There are some brilliant quotes in here.
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Dec 26, 2016 06:43
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Tiny Brontosaurus posted:As a child I was not allowed to go outside barefoot, because we lived in a big city and that's how you get leprosy of the hepatitis. Just wanted to let you know I appreciated that.
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Dec 26, 2016 12:19
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Friend's son Mom, i looked up the word FART in the dictionary. It says "unpleasant wind coming from the anus"! Wow, you know how to look up words in the dictionary now? (proud smile) Of course! What other words did you look up? (smile disappears) I looked up... BUTT. What else? (looks down) What else did you look up? Spell it out if you're too embarrasssed. B - O - O - B - S
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Dec 26, 2016 13:09
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oldpainless posted:5 year old niece at the cemetery: All of these people are dead and never coming back.    "When kids says the darkest things. This happened to my friend while at work."
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Dec 26, 2016 14:34
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Tsunemori posted:Friend's son Haha fantastic answers!
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Dec 27, 2016 01:31
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We did the Santa thing with the 4-year old this year, now that she's starting to "get" it. We set out a plate with some carrots and some pumpkin pie (we have a recipe for single-serving pies, and they are fantastic), and a glass of milk. Of course, after she went to sleep we dispatched of the food the way you'd want to, leaving a little bit of carrot left because something something reindeer something something. In the morning, we point out that it looks like Santa came, and then we asked her "what do we do now?" Her response: "We need to put the plate in the sink!" She then proceeds to do so while my wife and I high-five each other over the parenting win. :3
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Dec 27, 2016 03:38
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"Snakes can eat anything poison because they are poisonous" - my cousin. No context because there is none, the 6 year old said this to me in passing as he walked by.
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Dec 27, 2016 03:44
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Schneider Inside Her posted:I remember this little Japanese girl on the train pulling her eyes into slits and saying "I'm Chinese! Ni Hao!" Which was pretty racist but also pretty cute When I told my elementary school students in Korea I was moving to China they all pulled on their eyes and yelled "ching-chong ching-chong." Then their homeroom teacher joined in. I was very confused. Let us English has a new favorite as of 14:42 on Dec 27, 2016 |
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Dec 27, 2016 14:37
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My wife was shopping with the 3yr old daughter last week, after paying my daughter stood stock still with clenched fists, cheeks blown out, eyes screwed closed and quivered. "What are you doing?" "I'm wishing" "What are you wishing for?" "I'm wishing to be a raindrop!"
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Dec 27, 2016 15:34
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Let us English posted:When I told my elementary school students in Korea I was moving to China they all pulled on their eyes and yelled "ching-chong ching-chong." Then their homeroom teacher joined in. I was very confused. Hahaha holy poo poo, I nearly spit out my Dr. Pepper while reading this. Fleta Mcgurn posted:AMBER: "Fleta, Fletaaaaa, I didn't do my homework because I wasn't here and maybe I don't know how to do it and I missed class and I'll try but I CAN'T DO IT." Also god your stories are always the best, THANK you for posting them and please keep doing so!
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Dec 27, 2016 16:23
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Axiem posted:(we have a recipe for single-serving pies, and they are fantastic) Keep talking.
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Dec 27, 2016 18:24
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Let us English posted:When I told my elementary school students in Korea I was moving to China they all pulled on their eyes and yelled "ching-chong ching-chong." Then their homeroom teacher joined in. I was very confused. I am Mrs. us English and can confirm. My coworker did the same (the kids, being smarter than her, did not do this.) Barnes And Body Works posted:Also god your stories are always the best, THANK you for posting them and please keep doing so! Thank you! I don't know if this really counts as something kids say, but this is what the tenth graders were hiding in their classroom on a bookshelf:  Initially, I couldn't even pretend to be angry because I was so confused. In the CLASSROOM. On a BOOKSHELF. Boy, are they in trouble now, though. And one of the seniors was wearing this shirt:  He won't tell me where to buy it! I want iiiitttt.
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Dec 28, 2016 02:59
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:I am Mrs. us English and can confirm. My coworker did the same (the kids, being smarter than her, did not do this.) That's a Kanye lyric if that helps you at all. I want it too < >
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Dec 28, 2016 03:09
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