quote:

Me (27M) with my girlfriend (21F) and her little brother (15M), her little brother showed me something disturbing at Thanksgiving

Hey reddit. First of all, I'd like to establish right off the bat that this is not a matter of whether I'll keep this issue from my girlfriend or not--I've definitely come to the conclusion over the past few days that not telling her would be extremely unwise, and to have ever thought anything different seems silly--but I'm wondering how to bring this up to her. Now that that's settled, a bit of background.

My girlfriend and I met at college almost two years ago through mutual friends and started dating almost right away. For the past 5 months we have been living together and everything is going great. We rarely fight, and the only point of contention between us--isn't usually much of a problem really--is our different socioeconomic upbringings. I was brought up in a house with two parents with high-paying blue collar jobs; my girlfriend, on the other hand, was raised by two parents with an unstable (to say the least) relationship (nice people, very good to me, but they have their issues), and, until a couple of years ago, were in probably what could be considered a fairly-low-class budget and she grew up in a rough neighbourhood. (2 years ago, her dad got a big contract, and life has changed substantially; new neighbourhood, new house, new cars, etc.) My girlfriend has a brother who's almost 7 years younger than her. Let's call him Wolfe. Wolfe and his sister are fairly close, and he comes to her for most things as their parents have a fairly disturbing history of punishing their children for their openness or seem to deal with them in an unhealthy way.

In the past year, Wolfe has begun experimenting with recreational drugs. Now, I have never done drugs before, not even ever smoked weed, but my girlfriend has, and she is pretty marvellous so I'm trying not to be quick to judge here. However, something that my girlfriend has tried to make clear to her brother and has certainly made clear to me, is that the drug use becomes a problem if it interferes with your normal functioning in life. For instance, regardless of what my girlfriend was doing on weekends in high school during her exploratory period, she never (despite not telling them) had huge blowouts with her parents, didn't stop playing sports, didn't have her grades make such drops that it threatened her dreams, etc. Wolfe, however, is having huge behavioural issues such that he has huge, loud blowouts with his parents, has stopped playing all sports, and has had his grades drop in 8 months from mid 80s to low 60s--he even got kicked out of the International Baccalaureate program in his school this year. Now, earlier in the year, my girlfriend was worried enough about him that she talked to her parents and told them that she thought (even though in reality she knew for sure) that Wolfe was using drugs and that she thought it was linked to these ongoing issues, suggesting therapy. Her mom proceeded to go to Wolfe's school and SCREAMED at him in front of his entire math class that his sister thought he was a failure, that he needed to straighten up, and that his sister thought he was crazy and needed to go to the psych ward. This, of course, humiliated Wolfe and put a huge strain on his relationship with my girlfriend since his mother manipulated his words that way. And, besides yelling at him, their parents have NOT changed anything and definitely haven't considered counselling or treatment.

So, what his sister does do is foster an open, non-judgmental conversation about drugs, about the mechanism of drugs (she's working in the pharmaceutical industry, lol), and about exploring drugs as safely as possible, although she's really made it clear that she doesn't like it at all. I don't have this kind of relationship with her brother and won't let him talk about drugs with me because I'm completely inexperienced in this area--instead we do outdoorsy type stuff and talk about his girlfriends that's generally the extent of our relationship.

But Thanksgiving weekend he definitely overstepped that line when I was visiting her family with her. Throughout the weekend he seemed normal and happy that his sister was home, save for a couple of odd judgment calls (asking his sister for money, asking her to drive him places when he wouldn't tell her why they were going there). He and I were playing cards in his games room when he told me he had something to show me.
I asked him what it was. He said he wouldn't show me until I promised not to tell his sister. I told her that if it was something bad I was obligated to share it with her. And he said oh, no, she wouldn't care about it at all I don't think, I just don't want her knowing. At this point I'm thinking, K, this kid has condoms/some weird sex-related thing that he wants to show me that he doesn't want his sister knowing, cool. So I said, alright then.
EXCEPT THIS KID PULLS A loving .22 OUT OF HIS CLOSET.

I asked him why the gently caress he had that. He said that he needed it "for protection" and that he wanted people to be scared to jump him because he was "dead serious". He said he got it from his "honduran buddy". To be clear. WE DO NOT LIVE in an area where gun laws are liberal; and this isn't a debate about that, anyway. 15-year-olds should not obtain .22s from their honduran friends for protection on the streets of their upper-middle-class neighbourhood!!! What the stuttering gently caress!!! Who is he going to run into, the psycho neighbourhood cat????

I freaked out quietly to myself but to be honest didn't know what to say. Honestly, this sounds super naive but at first I rationalized to myself that this might even be kind of normal given the area they grew up in and didn't want to freak out disproportionately the way I did when I found out that my girlfriend had tried drugs before and didn't end up an addict dead with needles in her arm in some basement. But. I am definitely going to tell my girlfriend. I need advice about how to talk to her about it please. And maybe suggestions about what to do about it?? We live so far from her family, and I don't even know what they would do; their history of dealing with these kinds of issues is really bad (another e.g. of this is when they found out that my girlfriend was having sex at age 16 they turned her lock around on her bedroom door and would lock her in there at random times??). I'm sorry that this is so long and a jumbled mess. I am so not qualified to deal with any of this. Plz help

TL;DR: my girlfriend's sketchy little brother showed me an illegally-obtained gun, what the hell

quote:

So I told my girlfriend right away. She freaked out, obviously; her first thoughts were to call the police (not a bad idea, in my opinion). I thought it might be a good idea to call her brother's best friend's dad, who is high-ranking in the police force, because it was fair to assume that his son might know about the gun. Anyway, I'm really glad I told my girlfriend (didn't call the police right away) and that we talked a bit first because she suddenly had this look of recognition on her face as I was describing the .22 (she didn't know what it was) and asked me if he had retrieved the gun from the closet from his game room, which he had.

I obviously freaked out and asked her how long she'd known about this and why she said nothing, but she reassured me that there was a somewhat more reasonable explanation. So, apparently a couple of years ago their grandparents died and her grandfather left Wolfe his gun collection (Wolfe wants to go into the military; he's also the only grandson). This gun collection does NOT pass on to Wolfe until he is 18 and has a gun license. So, my girlfriend's dad got a gun license (I did not know this) so that he could keep care of the guns until Wolfe is older. Apparently, the gun rack that they have now is in their attic, but before they renovated their house, it was in the closet in Wolfe's games room (then her dad's office). We're not really sure if he accidentally left one in the closet, or whether Wolfe somehow got it and put it back in the closet, but that seemed like a plausible explanation.
So, the whole Honduran friend thing was not true.

So, my girlfriend decided to call her dad (who is more reasonable than her mom) and did not intend to tell him what happened, but because her dad was just intending to put it in the attic and forget about it and my girlfriend wanted to communicate that she thought they should be out of the house, so she ended up telling him what had happened. Her dad quietly apologized (we had him on speaker) to me and said that he would handle it, and not to tell her mother.

My GF had texted Wolfe to tell him that I had told her what had happened, that it was dangerous to talk about threatening people and that you can get yourself killed that way (etc) and that she was sorry but she went to their parents because she didn't think he could handle having the guns in the house and was scared for him. An hour or so later Wolfe started blowing up her phone, telling her that he didn't "know what [her] angle was" but that she was getting him in serious trouble and didn't know what consequences HER actions were having. He told her their dad hit him. My girlfriend confided to me that she didn't think that that had happened (her dad never raises their voice; they were never spanked past the age of 8, and only before then exceptionally sparingly) but that she didn't want to not believe her brother. The whole thing tore her up pretty badly because she likes to stay loyal to Wolfe, but his safety definitely supersedes that.

So, yesterday her dad took the gun rack and ALL of the guns to their cabin up north, where they will stay. Wolfe does not know that they will be leaving the house and that they are going to stay in the garage of the cabin.

To make things weirder, somehow her mom ended up finding out and sent me the weirdest text message. I won't copy and paste but basically it thanked me for bringing it to their attention but that it hadn't been a real gun (???) only an airsoft (??????) gun (apparently a toy????) and that he has a weird sense of humour but that he would never have a real gun??? I don't even know, apparently my girlfriend's parents really like me and are scared that Wolfe's antics will scare me off so I guess she made up the fact that it was a "fake" gun so I wouldn't be sketched out. I guess she doesn't remember that I have a gun license and definitely know the difference.
Anyway, I think that was about as OK as could possibly be expected. There was no way that there could be a completely reasonable update to the initial situation.
Thanks again reddit.

TL;DR gf's brother was attempting, in a seriously misguided way, to make me think he was badass.

Ranma Fan Art posted:

kids aren't even gonna know what eject buttons are what a world

Lone Goat posted:

Modern consoles have an eject button you dummy

Lone Goat posted:

Modern consoles have an eject button you dummy

Stuntman posted:

i'm out of reports for the day, can someone report this andrast pedo dude for me? tia

Pick posted:

Too bad your mom didn't

Comfy Fleece Sweater posted:

I don't know who's worse, the pedophile or this loving snitch bitch

"out of reports for the day", I didn't even know you could run out

Pick posted:

Too bad your mom didn't

quote:

My [28f] grandmother [70f] refuses to wash her hands, ever! Please help.Non-Romantic
submitted an hour ago by grossgrannyhands
She goes to the bathroom and doesn't wash her hands after. Even when she's working in the yard she'll barely rinse the dirt off her hands. This is whatever and her gross choice except she cooks food for the family after using the bathroom and not washing her hands. She touches EVERYTHING with her filthy hands. Mixing meat, cutting veg, everything with pee/poo hands. She makes things like sandwiches for my son[8], too. And when we're all eating as a family she touches everything. She'll put her fingers on something to cut it(like a loaf of bread) and leave the part she touched.
We've called her out on it and asked politely and everything but all she does is either brush us off, get mad and yell and curse at us, or lie and say she did already. I don't know what to do but it's so disgusting I have to do something. Please I'm so at my wits end. It's revolting.
Tl;dr: My grandmother refuses to wash her hands even though she cooks food for the family. Suggestions outside of barfing please.

Pitdragon posted:

that boyfriend sounds extremely lame tbh

Pick posted:

Suggestions outside of barfing please.

Pitdragon posted:

that boyfriend sounds extremely lame tbh

Chichevache posted:

If he's not American I'm 99% sure Wolfe is actually "Adolf" and their grandfather was a Nazi soldier.

"My [24m posted:

girlfriend [23f] is obsessed with a creepy dead musician from Norway and it's freaking me out"]I've been with my girlfriend for 7 years, and everything was great for the longest time. But a few years ago she started being really obsessed with heavy metal (which is something I never liked that much). Some of her friends were into it, so I was like, okay, great. I don't mind what kind of music people listen to. But things started getting weird.

She's into these bands from Norway and Sweden which play really messed up, dark black metal music. She got really obsessed with the band Mayhem and their singer "Dead" who killed himself a long time ago. It started out as a mild interest last year and now it's become a full-blown life-consuming obsession. She has a webpage about Dead and talks about him to me multiple times a day. Sometimes I see her talking online with other fans and the conversations are creepy as hell.

She has dreams about him supposedly every night (which I sort of doubt) and always tries to talk to me about the dreams. They're often sexual and make me really uncomfortable. I don't give a poo poo if he's dead (pun. sigh. whatever.) It makes me weirded out and uncomfortable as hell to hear her talking sexually about another guy.

I don't get it. A I don't even know how to explain it. I can't explain him because it's WEIRD He's greasy, wears strange makeup, has a horrible voice, and killed himself years ago. This might be really petty, but it's making me feel like I'm not good enough and she spends more time thinking about him than me. But that isn't my biggest concern. The whole thing is just messed up.

• She has a photo of HIS CORPSE on the wall with his head blown open . Apparently when he committed suicide a band member took a photo? I don't know. I don't f***ing know
  
• She has wet dreams about him and talks about how he's the only person who understands her
  
• She has literally hundreds of photos of him on her computer, quotes his songs all the time, etc
  
• His music is terrible and I just don't get it.

?????????

She didn't even know this person existed when we started dating, and now it's taken over her life. I really love her but this is ruining our relationship and I feel like she's a different person. It's gotten a lot worse over the past year. I'd say it's getting progressively worse even over the past few months. I'm really concerned because such a sudden change in personality, especially about something so messed up, is a RED FLAG right?

Tl;dr: My girlfriend is obsessed with this super creepy goth guy who killed himself and I have no idea wtf to think or do; It's ruining our relationship

Earwicker posted:

better Dead than Varg

quote:

Just for some context we're in rural North Dakota, 10 miles from a small town. She can't drive and doesn't own a car.

I rent a room to a friend of a friends half sister for $100 a month. The $100 covers everything, she has a room and a bathroom access to the living room, kitchen, etc. She's an online secretary and earns $30,000 a year, aside from rent her only expenses are insurance(~$150) and food(~$300) she can't cook and refuses to learn so she eats microwave meals. But she's a grown adult, she can eat what she wants. She spends the rest of her money on clothes and makeup.

Two weeks ago on Wednesday she bought a $50 face serum. That was her last bit of money till she got paid on Monday and she was out of food. Wednesday night she said she was hungry and I let her have a couple chicken wings. Thursday night I made some fry bread, she called it disgusting then expected me to make her something to eat with my food. She went with me to town on Saturday to beg for food(she got some crackers,a sandwich and some jerky). That Monday she got a ride to town with my bosses wife and bought two weeks worth of food.

She's been weird and bitter ever since. On Monday night (this week) the power went out, our closest neighbor works for the power company so he had to go out to fix it, he'd been gone till morning so he dropped his wife and kids off at my place for safety. It was well below freezing(and no power) so I lit the fireplace, they brought stuff for s'mores and I told the kids some stories.

She sat in the kitchen look angry for a few minutes and then went to her freezing room, because of the temperature all of us were going to sleep in the living room near the fire. I even pulled out a sleeping bag for her but she shot me a dirty look and shut her door.

She's got another 8 months on her lease. Any advice?

tl;dr: My tenant/roommate spent all her money on makeup and clothes, begged me for food,got mad when I didn't and now she's saltier than people discussing politics in Reddit.

quote:

I took the advice of a lot of people on here and asked her why she's so upset. She went off on how I'm an "insensitive prick" and "not holding up my end of the lease".I asked her what she meant. She thought that the whole renting a room thing was also going to be a friends with benefits thing. WTF!?

That was never mentioned or even implied when I agreed to let her rent.My girlfriend helped her get her room set up, she knows that I'm proposing to my girlfriend soon. Why would I need someone else to sleep with? I never flirted or anything.

She(crazy) started yelling about how she's made it obvious this whole time. Why else would she walk around in a towel? Um, because you live here? I walk around in my boxers all the time. It's normal..

After that she told me to go gently caress my self and that she's moving out on Wednesday.

Edit: Proposing to my girlfriend in 5 minutes. Wish me luck.

Edit2: She said yes!

tl;dr: She's crazy and moving out on Wednesday.

Ride The Gravitron posted:

How can I[24M] keep it civil when my tenant/roommate[30F] is being a pain?


And the update

quote:

I (18 F) have a younger brother (16 M) that i think sneaks into my room while I nap. Current home from college so I'm back home for a month. Today, I was napping in my room and I woke up to something poking my rear end. I turn around really fast and see my brother. I have horrible vision and I wasnt wearing my glasses so I could be mistaken as to what I saw. I think I saw his penis out. He adjust his shorts so it covers his penis (I think) and I ask him "What are you doing?" He seemed kind of flustered and says just wanted to see if you were awake. And then adds on something about turning on the air. And leaves. I dont know what to believe. He is at that age were, you know, he masterbates and stuff. He has his own room with a lock. So I knock everytime just in case. But my brother is a good person. We get on eachothers nerves but end of the day we have a natural relationship for sibilings. But I dont know what to think. Help please. What should I do, now?

Tl;dr- I think my brother sneaks into my room to masterbate to me sleeping.

Ride The Gravitron posted:

How can I[24M] keep it civil when my tenant/roommate[30F] is being a pain?


And the update

Ride The Gravitron posted:

Possibly creepy brother [16M]

NomChompsky posted:

Oh man you sure showed that kid and his BB gun.

Ride The Gravitron posted:

Possibly creepy brother [16M]

naptalan posted:

quote:

I am still a little bit affected by that event, it used to paralise me just to remember about it.

I threatened the guy back then but my head wasn't on my sholders, it ended to a cringy apologise in from of people from him, but that didn't mean much healing internally for me. I send some hate messages to the guy last year, blew some steam, although im not angry on myself anymore, i am still very much angry on the guy, i can't seem to shake it. I envision myself beating the loving living breath out of him many times, even without strong emotional attachment to the vision.

Now to state this corectly, i got over it somewhere 85% over it. This thing really made me improve on so many fields regarding myself, because i didnt revenge a beating with a beating so i had to rise above it, it took 4 and a half years, but it is still affecting me a little bit and i just refuse to have my life affected by that useless thug.

Whats more important and what i just now realised it might have affected me is that at the time of the incident i was with whom i saw as the dream girl at that moment, she lost all interest in me afterwards.

Now my advice is, should i confront him phisically? He was twice my size back then, it's more balanced now. But just the idea of training with such a target it feel very wrong and sickening to me, hatred is not something i like to enfoild myself with and it is not the medium I perform best at.

What the hell should i do?

Note: i've been in fights prior to that, won some lost some, didn't affect me much, havent been in one ever since

I took a bad turn somewhere in my life and it all went to hell, im kinda out of it, burnt, whimping, still bleeding a little, but loving walking and on my feet, went down hard more times than a man has time to imagine in a lifetime, and i got up, that's what i do, i get up, always did always will, now how can i deal with this?

Adam Vegas posted:

I'm not sure if you're joking or not, but a .22 is very much not a BB gun. In fact, .22s can be more dangerous than higher caliber guns because smaller bullets can bounce around inside a human body and cause far more damage, rather than exiting the other side.

quote:

Husband [m30] has a hyperactive fear of alcohol and shames me [F27] for wanting to be a light social drinker. No history of substance abuse and we been in a mixed religion marriage for 5 years. Our therapist pushed me into a promise to never drink.

I'm an exmormon and have been for 5 years. I left our church shortly after being introduced to new aspects of the religion in the temple as part of me getting "endowed" and ”sealed”, which is all part of the process of getting married in mormonism. My husband had already been allowed to go through the temple for his endowment ceremony and he suspected that I would have some problems with it, but he was still blindsided when I realized I had to leave mormonism. He's still mormon and we have made it work really well despite it being initially hard. There are some areas that are more difficult to compromise on. We have been seeing a therapist and I really like her. She's a good mix of liberal enough not to push religion on me while relating to my husband since she's mormon.

However, a few months ago during a session I was pushed into promising that I would never drink again. My husband was expressing doubt that I loved him and intended leave him during the first half of the session and then sometime after we started talking about alcohol. I wouldn't have made that promise except it was set up by her as either he's the higher priority or drinking is the higher priority. If I love him I won't drink. I do love him so if I HAD to choose I would choose him over drinking. It was a frustrating moment for me and I capitulated easily because I wouldn't let my husband think that I value drinking enough to even fight it when it's put in such absolute terms like that. I regret not being able to come up with a better answer in the moment, but even now I'm not sure there was any successful way to have answered.

I'm pretty strict about how I want to go about safely drinking and have no history of substance abuse. (My idea of safe drinking fairly strict- no drinking alone, no more than 2 drinks an hour, no getting drunker than a nice buzz, no drinking with strangers, no drinking with anyone I don't trust, no driving, no more than 5-8 times a year.)

She apologized with just me in the room afterwards and said she didn't love how it went down. However, she's sure that if I wait it out that in 3-10 or so years we'll be a wedding or some event and he won't bat an eye if I drink because the rest of therapy is going to bring us closer together than we've ever been and we'll both be so happy in our in marriage that he's not going to fuss over a social drink here or there. I'm unhappy with the vagueness of this. Also very skeptical, because last Christmas I drank at a small university sponsored party with him there, and for 3 weeks after at least, 9/10 times he spoke to me it was too criticize me. Even a year later he says he knows I'm intelligent but he could never see me as someone that makes intelligent decisions again because I can and have used feelings and fun to ignore all the risks of drinking a neurotoxin and literal poison. I could have killed our hypothetical fetus or made it have fetal alcohol syndrome. I took a pregnancy test with him there and knew I wasn't pregnant when I drank but he still insists that I had been selfish to put a baby at risk like that and stupid to put myself at risk of becoming an alcoholic, etc. He showed me a slideshow from his med school class to explain how dangerous alcohol is and on a very deep level he believes alcohol can't be consumed responsibly and that the medical facts back him up. In short it was 3 weeks of seething anger, putdowns, and criticisms over one drink with a few lasting consequences. They were the worst 3 weeks of our marriage. He knew that I wanted to drink for at least 3 years so I don't see him mellowing out about drinking 3-10 years from now, especially now that there's been a lifetime promise extracted from me that I won't drink.

It feels too controlling and when I think about it I get bothered all over again. I don't think I can go back on it or bring it up again without causing major strife and I feel frustrated. Not drinking for the rest of my life is easily doable but at what point do I say it's simply wrong to hand over so much autonamy to my husband? I want to undo this, however, any attempt to push to drink will be viewed as a betrayal. How can I explain that I felt pressured to make that promise and I don't want to be held to it but it doesn't mean I love him any less?

*edit: A divorce isn't wanted by either of us. We have a lot going for us and our marriage, despite how extreme he went on this issue. We have kids although that wouldn't stop me from getting divorced if we had a miserable marriage. It feels very worthwhile to work this out.

TL:DR - Months ago, husband and therapist gave me a black and white decision to show my husband that I love him by promising to never drink alcohol and I caved to it. Do I try to undo it or should I maybe suck it up and go along with the promise?