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Audax posted:I just found out I'm considered to be a huge penis haver by the incel community Same bro, high five
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Jan 2, 2017 13:45
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Buttcoin purse posted:You said something about Shmorky recently? There's an "alt-right" (read: nazi) cartoon that gets posted in the political cartoons thread sometimes that looks like it was drawn by Shmorky's evil twin, but I haven't said anything about it lately and haven't said anything nice about it ever so  free basket of chips posted:Same bro, high five more like low five, SNAP anyway I can't get a new av until I get back home from my NYE trip but someone's gotta post these things quote:I installed a hidden camera in the women's bathroom at work. quote:I am a pretty ugly guy and have been told in the past that i look like I have down syndrome. So I started going to Hooters and pretending to have down syndrome. "I'm living a pretty kickass life and things are going really well," said the guy figuring out #lifehacks to make hooters waitresses let you touch them
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Jan 2, 2017 15:08
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quote:My brother used to be very angry. All the time, as a kid, as a teenager, as an adult, he had problems with expressing his depression/anxiety and turned to anger. (Depression/anxiety gallops in our family) We moved away from his friends and that really put him in a bad spot. Alone in a new state, too far from his friends, and nobody to hang out with. I still have trouble with yelling, it sends me into an instant panic attack because of how much yelling there was. I mean, cults have this effect on depressed people too sometimes. I guess I'd rather my sibling became a furry than a Scientologist. At any rate, it sounds like you have the words for him, so just say them. Go get some greasy college-town food with him, ask him about his non-furry-oriented life, tell him you're proud of him and glad he's doing so well. Don't overthink it. quote:I am 99% certain that my dad is smoking crack and drinking himself to death in my grandparents basement again. My grandma's knees are bad so she can't get down the stairs and my grandpa is basically deaf so he doesn't notice anything but everytime I go over my dad is holed up with his creepy friends like a crack hampster. My dad is also pretty crazy and the last time he relapsed he tried to live in a dumpter like a drunken crackhead Oscar the Grouch before he decided to try and kill himself in front of his now ex-wife (who is not my equally crazy mother). I don't think whales eat people, sorry
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Jan 2, 2017 15:17
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As a former piece of poo poo older brother with a younger sister I can tell you that just saying that you're proud of him for changing his life and that you want to be closer to him will go a super long way. It did for me. And lovely dad haver, I don't know what to tell you besides ratting your dad out to the cops or something. And I think if you died in the ocean and sank to the bottom most of you would be eaten by deep sea fish and eels. Hope that at least makes you feel better.
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Jan 2, 2017 15:28
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I'm the huge (5 inch plus penis)
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Jan 2, 2017 16:11
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loquacius posted:There's an "alt-right" (read: nazi) cartoon that gets posted in the political cartoons thread sometimes that looks like it was drawn by Shmorky's evil twin, but I haven't said anything about it lately and haven't said anything nice about it ever so "I'm living a pretty kickass life" says the guy who pretends to have a developmental disability which affects him mentally and physically.
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Jan 2, 2017 16:20
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quote:like a crack hampster Shine on, you crazy crack hamster.
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Jan 2, 2017 17:19
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lmbo your brother jacks off to animals lady, think about that for a second, he is probably jackin it this exact minute thinking about wolf dicks or some poo poo lol
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Jan 2, 2017 17:53
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Don't put cameras in bathrooms you rear end in a top hat. You cost some poor guy his job so you can jack off to women peeing. Think about that. If that doesn't move you (I'm sure it doesn't) then consider that the next time they find a camera they will call the cops, and when they find out it was you then you will be a convicted sex offender. Enjoy your time in prison.
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Jan 2, 2017 18:07
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Solice Kirsk posted:I've never got a red title in all my years here and I somehow feel like that means I haven't had the "full" SA experience. I got one in a GBS thread for referring to water on Mars "evaporating" instead of "subliminating". 
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Jan 2, 2017 18:22
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I believe you mean "sublimate" Heh, dumbass 
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Jan 2, 2017 18:24
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Fintilgin posted:I got one in a GBS thread for referring to water on Mars "evaporating" instead of "subliminating". I hope you leaned something
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Jan 2, 2017 18:25
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I too pretend to be severely mentally disabled so that women let me touch them
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Jan 2, 2017 18:31
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What I wouldn't give to see her pee... Between 2 parked cars, On a well lit street, 5th and main.
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Jan 2, 2017 18:38
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I think the likelihood is very high that his parents knew about his special closet self-abuseatorium, unless they both worked double shifts or something and were never home (which would limit the need for secrecy anyway). I'm sure they couldn't wait to use renovation as an excuse to get rid of it. But I don't know, if I discovered that my teenage son had somehow managed to build a fully-featured wanking compartment in his closet without anyone finding out, I'd honestly be kind of impressed. And yeah, the incel one is almost certainly fake, but it's sad to know that there are loads of real people that actually believe that "it's genetics, folks" bullshit. Like, somehow women are genetically predisposed to be better at operating a Magimix? Sorry pal, the only people who can be convinced by that terrible argument are as loving stupid as you are.
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Jan 2, 2017 18:46
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Guys, I think some of these confessions aren't real 
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Jan 2, 2017 18:54
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More like con-fictions
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Jan 2, 2017 18:56
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Dr Cheeto posted:More like con-fictions Something smells feshy here...
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Jan 2, 2017 19:00
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oh they're all real, extremely real.
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Jan 2, 2017 19:30
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They're real and they're spectacular
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Jan 2, 2017 20:35
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i too now have a klurf av
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Jan 2, 2017 20:40
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Jose posted:i too now have a klurf av haha loser quote:To start, I am a straight white male, but I am not a a homophobe or anything like that. When I was like 14-15, I did the whole hyper-masculine thing that a lot of closeted guys apparently do. But that never amounted to me coming out or anything. Like, the gayest thing about me is my love of flamboyant colors and clothes. And my favorite color is purple, but other than that, I am pretty dang straight. I love women and their attention way too much to be gay. I don't wanna be the stereotypical Internet liberal with a folder full of Kinsey scale images saved to his desktop for just such an occasion, but yeah it is in fact possible for you to have a same-sex celebrity crush without being gay full-stop. Women do this a lot in particular, ten years ago it was pretty common for everyone and their mom to have a thing for Angelina Jolie. Don't overthink it. quote:My brother is a tremendous dickhead with no self-awareness whatsoever. Goes on and on in circles about people who snubbed him this way or wronged him that way. He's very insecure and thinks everyone is always thinking about him or hating on him behind his back (which is, of course, a self-fulfilling prophecy). He's also a chronic manipulator because of this. It's much more obvious when he's around family, so strangers and friends think he just has an inflated ego. He's very loose-lipped, and regularly raises his voice and curses in public. On top of all that, he has very little sense of personal space, privacy, property, or hygiene. yeah uh doesn't sound like there's really a whole lot to be done about it, sorry dude 
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Jan 2, 2017 20:50
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loquacius posted:
Maybe open up the relationship by doing a big brothers thing or something
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Jan 2, 2017 20:59
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Culture club? Gay. Plan a coming out party, break up with your girlfriend, and then go suck a dick.
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Jan 2, 2017 21:00
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quote:If you aren't a guy with movie star good looks, a chiseled body that values form over function, a huge bank account, a huge penis (5 inches plus) or the charisma of a politican, then you aren't getting laid. This isn't even remotely true. I'm a 5'7" middle-class nerd and I can honestly say that I had a lot of fun as a single guy and that I am happily married to a lovely lady. No superpowers were ever necessary. Enjoy life and relate to people and things will come together, unless you are literally deformed, etc. Then again, "huge" meaning above 5 inches makes me think that you are not on the level.
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Jan 2, 2017 21:19
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loquacius posted:I don't think whales eat people, sorry bitch they aint called killer whales because they do sick snowboard tricks
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Jan 2, 2017 21:55
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I am black therefore I am fat and arrogant and it's okay to make fun of me for being fat and arrogant because I'm also dumb as gently caress and will take it if it means being popular/powerful? Dont' gently caress with that n word tho yo
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Jan 2, 2017 22:06
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TheWeepingHorse posted:This isn't even remotely true. I'm a 5'7" middle-class nerd and I can honestly say that I had a lot of fun as a single guy and that I am happily married to a lovely lady. No superpowers were ever necessary. Enjoy life and relate to people and things will come together, unless you are literally deformed, etc. Please. Nobody that isn't rich and stunningly beautiful ever gets laid. All women are saving themselves for only those few guys, which they will throw themselves at with reckless abandon because they are superficial whores. Obviously these hot, wealthy men can't sleep with every woman that comes their way so some women need to turn to lesbianism. Meanwhile the "good guys" get shafted by society, doomed to die alone, never having a woman cook their roast beef and fix them a drink when they come home from work.
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Jan 2, 2017 22:24
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why can't these whore bitches date a nice guy like me
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Jan 3, 2017 00:34
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hi Boy George fan, you're bisexual, have fun bye
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Jan 3, 2017 12:05
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quote:Hi there, I'll get right to the heart of it. I'm paranoid, legitimately spooked. I mean I was an anxious depressed sadsack than I got robbed and now I'm an anxious depressed sadsack who is paranoid of leaving the house. My car got broken into twice in one year when I lived in East Providence and had a parking space right off the street. The first time they took the tires, the second time they stole my GPS out of the glove compartment and it was literally two weeks before I was scheduled to move out so I didn't even bother to file a police report because gently caress everything (my insurance counted the first one as an "accident" lol) I know what you mean, you don't really feel "safe" anymore. In my case moving literally two blocks to an apartment with its own parking lot surrounded by houses on all sides led to no more robberies ever, though. You moved to an entirely new neighborhood; you'll probably be fine now.  anyway though, it sounds like you could use some help getting past it.quote:I let my wife lock my cock away a few days ago and I couldn't be happier this is the weirdest porn trend and I'm legit a bit unsettled to hear of people actually doing this I keep saying it, but if your fetish is "not getting laid" you're just lazy 
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Jan 3, 2017 14:45
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Hey just came here to say I discovered this thread 3 days ago and I've been chuckling, gasping in awe and/or shock and disgust ever since, one of the best threads I've read on SA in years. I've also read some of this poo poo to my girlfriend and I regret it, the thought of some of these people actually existing bummed her out majorly. I'm a little more optimistic and just chalk the really horrible ones to fanfic, I guess that's my defense mechanism. Anyway, thread has now become my 4th bookmark ever, I love it. You're doin' the Lord's work, loquacius.
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Jan 3, 2017 16:38
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Robbery/mugging goon: My brother-in-law, who's the stereotypical black sheep of his family (drugs, can't hold a job, usually homeless because he'll pawn everything in your house), broke into my garage and stole an electric miter saw, circular saw, automotive battery charger and a few other things. A bit later, he stole a case of 1.75L bottles of various liquor for our wedding reception that was a few days away to trade for suboxone. I felt the same way about my house/space being invaded so I gave it some thought. Luckily he's also dumb and after putting up 3 Harbor Freight dummy cameras and a ADT sign out front, he never did it again. Oh, and clean your car out.
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Jan 3, 2017 17:06
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incel goon posted:I don't blame any one person for my condition, I blame society as a whole. Stopped reading that one right there because I couldn't control my laughter.
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Jan 3, 2017 17:28
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loquacius posted:In less boring confessions, I have a severe phobia of flying over oceans because I am convinced the plane will crash and I'll get eaten by crabs. It's not so much the dying that freaks me out it's the whole getting eaten by crabs thing - at least sharks or whales or even squid are kind of dignfied. The PYF unnerving article thread pretty much reinforces my belief that someday I will be on a plane and die, only to be eaten by seacreatures who don't even taste that great. Are there are lot of crabs on the ocean floor that far inland? I assume crabs are more of a shore / continental shelf thing. Sure, things die in the open ocean and fall to the bottom but that's a lot of space and it's really dark down there.
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Jan 3, 2017 19:27
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Robbery/mugging goon: If it won't just feed your paranoia you might want an iSmart system. I bought one when I had some sketchy poo poo happen at my place and once I got the culprits on video and handed it over to the cops the "issues" magically stopped. Just don't get hooked on watching live video feed. It wastes your time and your bandwidth/data plan. That said, it is nice being able to look at any of my cameras and see what is happening on top of receiving alerts to my phone any time something happens to trigger any of the sensors. http://www.bestbuy.com/site/ismartalarm-home-security-system-plus-wireless-security-system-white/6146016.p?skuId=6146016 http://www.bestbuy.com/site/ismartalarm-spot-indoor-wi-fi-network-surveillance-cameras-2-pack-black-silver-white/5589813.p?skuId=5589813
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Jan 3, 2017 20:14
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loquacius posted:this is the weirdest porn trend and I'm legit a bit unsettled to hear of people actually doing this at the rate this is going, this poo poo will be mainstream in like 5-10 years. there will be reality shows based on it and an entire studio audience chanting "LOCK THAT COCK!" in unison as the bachelorette chooses which man will become her cuck slave
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Jan 3, 2017 20:34
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Mr Underhill posted:Hey just came here to say I discovered this thread 3 days ago and I've been chuckling, gasping in awe and/or shock and disgust ever since, one of the best threads I've read on SA in years. I've also read some of this poo poo to my girlfriend and I regret it, the thought of some of these people actually existing bummed her out majorly. I'm a little more optimistic and just chalk the really horrible ones to fanfic, I guess that's my defense mechanism. Anyway, thread has now become my 4th bookmark ever, I love it. You're doin' the Lord's work, loquacius. Thanks, I appreciate hearing it  All credit to H.H for making the original threads and setting up the thread infrastructure ofcWizzle posted:Are there are lot of crabs on the ocean floor that far inland? I assume crabs are more of a shore / continental shelf thing. Sure, things die in the open ocean and fall to the bottom but that's a lot of space and it's really dark down there. This is an excellent point, anon, don't worry if your plane crashes over open ocean because far more horrible things than crabs will eat you Tato posted:at the rate this is going, this poo poo will be mainstream in like 5-10 years. there will be reality shows based on it and an entire studio audience chanting "LOCK THAT COCK!" in unison as the bachelorette chooses which man will become her cuck slave thanks a lot, now someone is jerking off to this
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Jan 3, 2017 20:45
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quote:I'm loving tired of people talking about their wives and kids online and offline. It's everywhere. I do have a wife (we're in our 30s) too but I really never talk about her if it isn't a topic that comes up directly because I have the common courtesy to know that nobody loving cares. I'm also not one of those childfree weirdos, I don't mind kids, my sister has a kid, I spend time with her regularly to babysit, I just don't bring it up because I know nothing an 8 year old does is interesting in any way to a stranger. In the last few years as my generation who grew up with the internet being new grows older, it seems to get more and more with the wife and kid stories. It's even encroaching on threads on SA in topics where it's more than unrelated. If you notice once, you just can't unsee it. It really starts to piss me off. Your wife isn't that special, your "genius" kid isn't either. It'll prob. end up working retail and be a genderfluid furry. There are literally millions of people exactly like you. Shut up. Try to have interests and say something of value besides that poo poo. You can't even say this because people will just assume all kinds of bad things about you. They never even assume that this poo poo is just annoying and repetitive as gently caress. uh people spend a lot of time with their immediate families; basically any anecdote from their personal life will involve them in some way Are you suggesting that people should just never talk about them ever? What is there left for 99% of people to talk about? Their lovely jobs? quote:I've never been an exceptionally social person, I've always had a small group of friends and have been fine with that. I'm friendly and can easily form friendships, but I just have little interest in actually fostering a friendship. At 18 I started to develop or realize I had some level of anxiety, I briefly went to therapy for it and concluded it was just about not having any direction in my life. When I was 21, one of my friends died in an accident and at the funeral his mother screamed at me in front of everyone that I was never there for him and that I wasn't a good friend. It's difficult for me to gauge if that's true or not since, again, I'm not exceptionally "good" at being a friend, I guess, but I was there whenever he asked. Whenever he wanted to hang out or talk. I immediately left the funeral because I was having a straight up panic attack and felt like my body was on fire and went to a park where I cried on a bench. I hated myself because I was sure that I was crying about being publicly humiliated and not over the death of my childhood friend. Everything was just a completely mess. Yeah honestly my reaction was that possibly your friend's mom made some kind of slightly catty comment out of grief (or even a completely innocuous one) and your own feelings of grief and social anxiety (I feel like I'm not good enough of a friend all the time) exaggerated it into a big public blowup. That would explain why your friends were mad that you left. Either way if a traumatic event from your past is still causing this kind of reaction in you you should probably seek therapy over it, yeah. e: what the hell, this one's short quote:I'm bisexual, drunk and a goon and I think submissives have the better deal when it comes to BDSM tell that to the guys in the chastity belts
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Jan 3, 2017 20:53
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Submissives definitely have the better deal. The submissive person is having their sexual needs catered to while the dominant person is the one serving their needs. Dominant persons think they have power in the relationship when they are in fact just there to gratify the submissive person. Here's a life hack: if your sexual needs don't come first, you are not the one in control.
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Jan 3, 2017 22:53
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