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Khazar-khum posted:She just had a baby and is wondering why she feels different? What's wrong, is she upset now for missing out on crappy dates, miserable trips with worthless friends, and nights of getting so blind drunk you go to the wrong house? Is that what she thinks she wanted? plus the entire gist of her post is "i hosed up and don't have the life i thought i would have at this point, what do i do? PS: i'm not going to change the life i have now" like what advice do you possibly expect anyone to give you then?
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Jan 4, 2017 12:12
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This is all total guesswork but if she moved from Atlanta for modeling, maybe she's just depressed because she's still relatively young, probably pretty attractive and now she's tied down in a very mundane way. Partner that with being exhausted from baby and hormones/potential PPD and small wonder she's so unhappy. But, there's a kid now so time for princess to suck it up! I feel bad for her husband, he sounds decent.
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Jan 4, 2017 13:24
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She's pretty obstinate about being a stay at home mom, despite wishing she could still have her career, so I think perhaps her problems come from within. Tough to say how much of it was the pregnancy considering she got pregnant, got married to someone she doesn't really like, and quit her job, all somewhere within the last year. For all we know she also moved out of Atlanta to work at that job she swiftly quit right before she met the guy too
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Jan 4, 2017 14:07
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From what she wrote, I think she is a good candidate for therapy. of course I think that. I'm a therapist.
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Jan 4, 2017 14:15
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I feel for her a little because I have a great life that I love and wouldn't trade for anything, but I'm not immune to thoughts of "oh man, I never really did this or that". Just part of growing up I guess
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Jan 4, 2017 14:16
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WrenP-Complete posted:From what she wrote, I think she is a good candidate for therapy. Minor derail, assuming you're being truthful, and knowing that old joke and all, but who exactly isn't?
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Jan 4, 2017 14:30
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While I feel for her life not turning out as she expected when she was young and post-partum depression is one hell of a thing, she isn't winning points in my book by not communicating her problems and desire for change to her very decent, hardworking husband. Her husband is trying really hard, so it's not a good look on her part.
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Jan 4, 2017 14:34
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Khazar-khum posted:She just had a baby and is wondering why she feels different? What's wrong, is she upset now for missing out on crappy dates, miserable trips with worthless friends, and nights of getting so blind drunk you go to the wrong house? Is that what she thinks she wanted? the op posted:I don't dislike him, but I'm not in love with him. I want to make a nice family with him, but I wonder if immediately marrying him was a huge mistake.
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Jan 4, 2017 14:46
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Are we all ignoring the fact that she's obviously an elf? A lot of elves have quarter-life crises in their 250's, especially when they've accidentally geased themselves to a human and have a half-elven child. It's a hard time.
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Jan 4, 2017 14:52
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I'd hazard to guess she's made a lot of huge mistakes in the last year or so, she doesn't seem very active in controlling where her life is going
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Jan 4, 2017 14:53
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Rural America is loving awful. I can't blame her for not wanting to be out there with no chance of escape. Football and Hooters and substance abuse forever  Of course, abortion, adoption and single-motherhood literally did not occur to her at all so she has only herself to blame.
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Jan 4, 2017 14:53
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Dude must feel like he won the lottery. Simple rural dude with a simple job, marries a model from the big city. I bet he loves the poo poo out of her. She should have just co-parented with the guy, it's 2017, there's no need for a shotgun wedding just cause you get pregnant.
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Jan 4, 2017 14:58
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Clark Nova posted:Rural America is loving awful. I can't blame her for not wanting to be out there with no chance of escape. Football and Hooters and substance abuse forever Sure, I grew up in a rural area and I would rather kill myself than do it again, but I deal with that by not moving to or living in a rural area
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Jan 4, 2017 14:59
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Serephina posted:Minor derail, assuming you're being truthful, and knowing that old joke and all, but who exactly isn't? Michelle Obama is the only person who entirely has her poo poo together
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Jan 4, 2017 15:00
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Serephina posted:Minor derail, assuming you're being truthful, and knowing that old joke and all, but who exactly isn't? In my opinion there are tons of people who have problems, but none big enough to get therapy over, but if they went to therapy would be convinced they have an issue they need to work through when they really didn't. I'm not saying therapy causes problems, but if you don't need therapy, don't get therapy.
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Jan 4, 2017 15:02
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This dude needs to get a divorce asap Me [22 M] & wife [22 F], 7 years together with 2 kids, Wife refuses to get a job, 1 income not enough We're both 22, have a 4 year old daughter and 2 year old son. I have always been the only income in the house. As of right now, I work 40+ hours a week, making only about 1400/month. We already receive foodstamps (which covers the majority of the month's costs in food, sometimes we fall short though), WIC and medical assistance. Our monthly expenses include: Rent: 485 (already live in a tiny apartment) Electricity: up to 130-150 in the summer Internet: 60.00 2 Cell phones: 100.00 Gas (car): 100-120 Insurance: 150 Laundry: ~40.00 There are, of course, other expenses that are hard to quantify like house hold products, bathroom products, diapers, wipes, general kid expense. All-in-all, we barely end the month with less than 100.00 to our name. And frankly, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of working 80+ hours, living in a poo poo apartment, constantly stressed about money, and then having to worry that if I miss a day, or I get sent home early on enough days, that we really won't have enough money. We always manage to get by, but it feels like by the skin of our teeth. And even though I'm the only income in the house, I get home and am expected to help cook dinner, help clean the house, do my own laundry, ect. Now, I don't mind being the only income, but I do mind barely making it with my income, coming home at 8:00, and being expected to spend the 4 hours I have at home doing housework that I feel like should already be done if her only job she has all day is to watch the kids and clean the house. I've tried bringing up the fact that I think she aught to try to get a job as well, even if it's just a part-time job, to help out with the bills. Every time I get faced with opposition. Her biggest hangup for getting a job is the fact that she doesn't trust any person at all, including family members, to baby sit the kids. She absolutely refuses. I tried to tell her we could try to find a baby sitter we trust. I have offered to have my family watch the kids. I have asked her to ask her family to watch the kids. Nothing. And I get that. I understand not trusting others with our kids. But when it's our own family, and our lifestyle is suffering because of it... I think it's become a huge problem for us. I've even tried to work with her and asked her if she would be willing to possibly babysit from home, since she wouldn't have to leave our kids with someone else, and she could still earn some extra money to contribute. She claims she can't handle more kids in the house. I've even offered to try to help her start her own crafty/DIY business (she has a lot of crafty aspirations she hasn't really committed to). I asked her to try to add up everything she would need to do so, and I would try to create a budget for her to do so, but she still just doesn't even try to do that. I feel like I've tried to offer every possible solution to try to get a second income in this household, so we can actually get somewhere instead of living check to check. What else can I do? Do I just suck it up and get a second job? Am I unreasonable to expect her to provide some sort of supplementary income? I need advice. Sorry if this falls under more of a relationship advice, rather than financial. tl;dr: Wife makes excuses to not get a job, one income isn't enough, and I'm not able to convince her that I need her to create some sort of supplementary income, and motivate her to do so.
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Jan 4, 2017 15:37
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Zelder posted:Michelle Obama is the only person who entirely has her poo poo together Not American but oh man, I love your son to be ex-FLOTUS(  ) that woman is a vision of dignity, class and grace
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Jan 4, 2017 15:43
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Ride The Gravitron posted:This dude needs to get a divorce asap Living in the south I see this situation way too often (married at like 22 after dating since highschool) and like 9 out of 10 times they're the only ones who can't see the divorce coming
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Jan 4, 2017 15:57
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Malkof posted:Sorry for the bummer post, here have a childfree palette cleanser: His parents shoulda hosed like rabbits and had three more kids to spite the little bastard.
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Jan 4, 2017 16:11
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Zelder posted:Michelle Obama is the only person who entirely has her poo poo together
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Jan 4, 2017 16:12
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Zelder posted:Living in the south I see this situation way too often (married at like 22 after dating since highschool) and like 9 out of 10 times they're the only ones who can't see the divorce coming Had a kid at 18, plausibly married then.
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Jan 4, 2017 16:14
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The lovely thing about the single income problem is if she does get a job, then they will have to pay for childcare which is not at all cheap
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Jan 4, 2017 16:20
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the real problem seems to be that he makes at or near minimum wage (1,400 a month at full time is something like $9/hour before payroll) which, don't have kids at 18 if you don't have some sort of financial support honestly if the wife hasn't worked before and had no specialized education or training, which seems likely (kids at 18) it would probably end up costing them more in childcare costs than she could make in an entry level job anyway. poverty loving sucks she could at least take care of the house so he doesn't have to
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Jan 4, 2017 16:29
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She very well could be, a two year old and a four year old are like walking hurricanes that will kill themselves accidentally if left unsupervised and at 22 she's probably pretty overwhelmed. Not an excuse for it but I'm not surprised. Poor planning+poverty= depression. Think of it this way, next time you clean, take all the books off your shelf and throw them on the floor. Grab a handful of cheerios and stomp them into dust, dump out your Tupperware drawer all over the kitchen floor. Do one of these things every time you pick something up and put it away
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Jan 4, 2017 16:34
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The mentality of "get married, have kids, and figure it out as you go" is still strong in a lot of places.
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Jan 4, 2017 16:38
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Tater Love 
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Cough Drop The Beat posted:she isn't winning points in my book by not communicating her problems and desire for change to her very decent, hardworking husband. I'd like my wife to test her message before informing me that the problem she has is everything about our life.
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Jan 4, 2017 16:39
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Serephina posted:Minor derail, assuming you're being truthful, and knowing that old joke and all, but who exactly isn't? People may have a number of issues to work out before they are ready to work on their own stuff in therapy. She sounds like she's right on the edge of introspection, has safe housing, perhaps has post partum depression, and doesn't have a support network where she is.
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Jan 4, 2017 16:42
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That story is the prototypical test case for why having kids at a young age without proper income and planning is a very bad idea. All of that resentment and depression could have been avoided if dude and his wife waited several years until they had decent jobs and some savings. There's just no requirement whatsoever to have kids when you're married and that situation is exactly why.
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Jan 4, 2017 16:43
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zakharov posted:The mentality of "get married, have kids, and figure it out as you go" is still strong in a lot of places. One of the biggest deciding factors in my engagement was probably how we could go about everything. Like doing our theoretical "move in together and have kids" budget before even starting to plan the wedding.
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Jan 4, 2017 16:43
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WampaLord posted:In my opinion there are tons of people who have problems, but none big enough to get therapy over, but if they went to therapy would be convinced they have an issue they need to work through when they really didn't. Sometimes people go to therapy to explore their life dreams or something. That's also a fine choice. But if you don't want therapy, don't get it. Also this: Zelder posted:Michelle Obama is the only person who entirely has her poo poo together
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Jan 4, 2017 16:45
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I'm not sure what a divorce is gonna do for that guy, he'll still have expenses and not enough income to cover them. Dude needs a better job.WrenP-Complete posted:Sometimes people go to therapy to explore their life dreams or something. That's also a fine choice. Sure, but this sounds like something a life coach is for.
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Jan 4, 2017 16:46
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WampaLord posted:Sure, but this sounds like something a life coach is for. No argument there.
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Jan 4, 2017 16:49
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Toddlers destroy houses in minutes. I work all day while my wife stays home, and I come home to a disaster every single day. It's honestly way easier to work than it is to watch children. I have a 2 year old and a newborn. Life is gonna be rough for awhile.
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Jan 4, 2017 16:57
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Maybe she could be doing more, maybe not. We will never know from one side's account. What we do know is that they self owned by having a child at 18 and another at 20. Doing that as commoners in the current reality of economics was extremely ill advised and they are gonna suffer for it. There is basically no good solution.
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Jan 4, 2017 17:01
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Cough Drop The Beat posted:While I feel for her life not turning out as she expected when she was young and post-partum depression is one hell of a thing, she isn't winning points in my book by not communicating her problems and desire for change to her very decent, hardworking husband. Her husband is trying really hard, so it's not a good look on her part. Really sounds like she's depressed, she can't communicate her problems because there's no easily defined external source of her misery to communicate and 'I can no longer perceive happiness' is not an experience people have an easy time self-diagnosing and communicating. like maybe once she gets herself right she'll figure out this isn't the life for her on top of that, but you're not figuring out anything in that mindset because everything you could possibly be doing or experiencing is equally dissatisfying. Easy money she wound up where she is cause she'd stopped being able to really want anything in particular and this wound up the path of least resistance; guy wants to get hitched, guy wants the kid, and she just goes along with it. A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 17:17 on Jan 4, 2017 |
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Jan 4, 2017 17:02
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zakharov posted:The mentality of "get married, have kids, and figure it out as you go" is still strong in a lot of places. lol at all these stories of being married in your early 20s with a kid just lol
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Jan 4, 2017 17:03
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Lyrai posted:Reading all of these terrible people makes me appreciate poo poo like http://imgur.com/gallery/DE10M this so much more. This is fuckin' adorable and I hope they stay that in love for the rest of their lives.
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Jan 4, 2017 17:05
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zakharov posted:The mentality of "get married, have kids, and figure it out as you go" is still strong in a lot of places. *in extremely Jastiger voice* the south
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Jan 4, 2017 17:07
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Dial-a-Dog posted:I saw this one earlier, I wonder how these two even got together. It sounds like she hates his lifestyle, which is fine, I guess, but don't marry the poor guy and start a family with him then. I'd like to see his side of the story. I imagine it goes somethign like this Background on how they got together and had a kid etc... I provide for my wife, she gets to stay home with our child. I'm trying to connect with her but she doesn't really seem to want to. I make good money and provide for the family but that means I have to work long hours and she resents that. She's constantly needy and lays around all day doing nothing, when I get home after a 14 hour shift on my feet she unloads on me, and I can't take it anymore. Help me reddit.
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Jan 4, 2017 17:12
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Christ this is our first, I'm 27 and I still have these brief periods of "what the gently caress I just realized I'm too young to have a kid oh my god". I could not imagine trying to navigate early 20s as a parent. Then again probably the reason I waited so long is because my mom and sister both had their first at 20 and I saw the realities of how hard it is
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Jan 4, 2017 17:13
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