/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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unpleasantly turgid: Jul 6, 2016; u lightweights couldn't even feed my shadow ;*

Ranma Fan Art posted:

man you really are black!

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

lol dont probe ranma give ihm mod

# ? Jan 5, 2017 05:02

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# ? May 16, 2024 17:08

El Estrago Bonito: Dec 17, 2010; Scout Finch Bitch

ArbitraryC posted:

I wonder how long it's gonna take him to realize that he's probably not gonna find another girl anytime soon willing to put up with any of that. I'm guessing a lot of his self confidence in his peer group comes from being the guy with a girlfriend and his twitch hotties are gonna feel like much more shallow wank material now.

If he's anything like the multiple guys I've known like this, he's pretty attractive for a wannabe esports nerdy fuckboi and so now that the hot girl who was dating him due to crippling personal issues has finally dumped his rear end he's going to date some chubby nerd girl he knows and she's going to wait on him hand and foot while putting up with too much bullshit because she has huge self image issues.

Then in like five years his poo poo diet is going to catch up to him and he'll go from 2001 Brandon Fraiser to 2016 Brandon Fraiser in the course of like six months.

# ? Jan 5, 2017 05:02

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

I think you two should open up the relationship tbh

# ? Jan 5, 2017 05:09

Doggles: Apr 22, 2007

Pick posted:

This woman is such an idiot

This is basically the plot of Sweet Home Alabama.

Woman breaks off her engagement with a perfect man to have another go with her ex after they reconnect in her hometown.

Dear goons[??/goons], how do I[33/M] live my life like a character in a mediocre Reese Witherspoon[40/F] romcom?

# ? Jan 5, 2017 05:28

Metis of the Chat Thread: Aug 1, 2014

quote:

My [26,M] girlfriend [23,F] is coming home early and she doesn't know I let my friend move in her apartment temporarily!

My friend moved here for a girl, he left his family behind, all his friends , everything. If he didn't meet me, he would probably have no social life outside of her. He lived with her, hung out with HER friends, and he has a low-paying job because he just dropped everything and moved with her. Well, after a year, his girlfriend dropped him, and kicked him out. I'm not going to let my friend live on the streets, so I told him he could move in with me. The thing about this situation is I live with my girlfriend, (it's her apartment) but she is gone most of the time, because her work requires her to travel. She wasn't supposed to come home until late January so I told him that he has until then to move out, cool!

I have to pretty much sneak him in every night because security is cool with my girlfriend but other than that the living arrangement has been working out fine. My girlfriend and I FaceTime everyday at 5pm, to talk about our day, which basically consist of her asking me how my day is going, I begin to talk, she cuts me off and goes on for hours about her day, I usually halfway listen to her because most of the time it's just rants, but I heard "I miss you so much, I'm coming home early" , I had to ask her to repeat herself and yep that is what she said!

Now I'm fake smiling but on the inside I'm panicking, I asked her what day and she said "it's a surprise" now I'm really freaking out, because I haven't even re-arranged the living room like she asked me to do the day she left. How do I explain to my friend that he has to move out NOW, I can't even do that to him but I can't let her see him or all HELL is going to break loose. I can convince her to look past the living room but definitely not moving someone into her house. I need advice!

Tl:dr; I might be homeless if I don't evict my close friend

lol this idiot clearly does not respect his girlfriend at all and deserves to be dumped

# ? Jan 5, 2017 05:29

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Tolkien minority posted:

Someone's been pissing on the men's room floor at work and I [31/M] think I may have identified the culprit. What should I do?

The best solution for this sort of thing is to send out a passive-aggressive all-hands email. My job has done this for regular bathroom vileness and people vaping in the men's room, and the latter was really an amazing read.

# ? Jan 5, 2017 05:45

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

He should put a camera in the bathroom

# ? Jan 5, 2017 05:53

Nuebot: Feb 18, 2013; The developer of Brigador is a secret chud, don't give him money

Gaunab posted:

He should put a camera in the bathroom

Or outside of it, then figure out when the mystery pisser done the piss and see who came out of the bathroom. If no one's there, then you've got a piss ghost.

# ? Jan 5, 2017 06:05

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

*pisses on the floor and gives tens of thousands of dollars so that parents can foster physically abusive brother in house*

hmm... should i stop doing either of these things... i dont know

# ? Jan 5, 2017 06:07

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

The thing that really makes me gawk at mr super aggressive sex guy is he marries a chick who plainly isn't into this stuff even though he knows he can find someone else who is. That expectation you can talk people into kinky sex is right up there with "oh I'll make them a better person" in stupid relationship tricks.

# ? Jan 5, 2017 06:46

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

quote:

I'm [25F] really sick of hearing about my boyfriend's [25M] penis all the time.Relationships
submitted 2 hours ago by thefuchsiafern
My boyfriend and I have been dating for just under a year. In that time alone I've been forced to think about penises more than any person should be in their entire life.
"John" is extremely uncomfortable with his penis size. He's never said this to me, but I know it's true. I can't go one day without him asking for some kind of reassurance that I "love" his cock and that it's big enough for me. Frankly, it's a penis. I don't love it. I love him, but his penis mostly just looks like a penis to me. I've never been turned on by the sight of a dick alone, and I've communicated this to him, but it hasn't stopped him from sending me anywhere from 5-10 dick pics throughout the day and asking if I "like that?"
During sex he can get very sensitive/emotional if I do anything that he perceives as insulting towards his glorious man hammer. I once suggested we introduce a vibrating dildo and he excused himself to go silently weep in the bathroom. I'm not kidding.
In the last month or so I've basically stopped responding to his dick pics. I just don't have anything to say any more. He knows it does nothing for me and doesn't seem to care. As a result he's become super withdrawn. He never gets angry at me, just mopey and sad. I can't help wondering if this is a manipulation tactic. It's also just so shamelessly self-involved. Do I have parts of my body I'm insecure about? Yes. But do I seek constant validation to the point where it makes others uncomfortable? No, I do not.
If he could just chill a little with the penis stuff, I could see him being a long-term partner. But barring that, I honestly don't know where to go from here.
tl;dr: My boyfriend is insecure about his (seemingly normal?) penis size and pesters me constantly for reassurance. I'm honestly sick of coddling him.

insecurity gets me hot

# ? Jan 5, 2017 08:04

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

5-10 dick pics a god damned day

# ? Jan 5, 2017 08:06

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

LethalGeek posted:

The thing that really makes me gawk at mr super aggressive sex guy is he marries a chick who plainly isn't into this stuff even though he knows he can find someone else who is. That expectation you can talk people into kinky sex is right up there with "oh I'll make them a better person" in stupid relationship tricks.

the chick who was actually into dressing like neon Wendy O Williams in public would probably have enough confidence to not put up with his bullshit

# ? Jan 5, 2017 08:30

Mak0rz: Aug 2, 2008; 😎🐗🚬

Pick posted:

insecurity gets me hot

I'm sad that it took over 300 pages before i realized this thread existed. How much gold did i miss??

# ? Jan 5, 2017 08:33

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Mak0rz posted:

I'm sad that it took over 300 pages before i realized this thread existed. How much gold did i miss??

honestly it's a stream of whoppers

# ? Jan 5, 2017 08:35

Serge Painsbourg: Jul 26, 2016

Pick posted:

5-10 dick pics a god damned day

She could assemble the individual dick pics into a giant dick pic so she can drive home the insecurity when she dumps him.

# ? Jan 5, 2017 08:36

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

chernobyl kinsman posted:

no. what? no.

Did your high school PE not make you take group showers? Shameful.

# ? Jan 5, 2017 08:37

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Mak0rz posted:

I'm sad that it took over 300 pages before i realized this thread existed. How much gold did i miss??

There was gold in the earlier incarnations, as well.

# ? Jan 5, 2017 08:56

Mak0rz: Aug 2, 2008; 😎🐗🚬

Pvt.Scott posted:

Did your high school PE not make you take group showers? Shameful.

Some of the less confident guys in middle school gym class would change in the washroom stalls instead of the changing room. Our teacher once came into the changing room to say gg or whatever and noticed this so he asked about it, after which he said "what's the big deal about changing in front of other guys???" and dropped his pants for no reason (he didn't need to change)

# ? Jan 5, 2017 08:56

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Serge Painsbourg posted:

She could assemble the individual dick pics into a giant dick pic so she can drive home the insecurity when she dumps him.

I just don't know how he finds the time to take all these pictures. Are they at least different in composition and background? Or is it the same grainy bathroom shot every time? Isn't it just going to look like the same penis? Ten photos a loving day!!!!!!

# ? Jan 5, 2017 08:58

Mak0rz: Aug 2, 2008; 😎🐗🚬

He was like 5'1" so his junk was too low to be accidentally seen even from sitting height though

# ? Jan 5, 2017 08:59

Mak0rz: Aug 2, 2008; 😎🐗🚬

Pick posted:

I just don't know how he finds the time to take all these pictures. Are they at least different in composition and background? Or is it the same grainy bathroom shot every time? Isn't it just going to look like the same penis? Ten photos a loving day!!!!!!

I imagine he isn't classy enough to hire for a professional dick boudoir photographer

# ? Jan 5, 2017 09:01

Cumslut1895: Feb 18, 2015; by FactsAreUseless

Pick posted:

honestly it's a stream of whoppers

my vision of heaven

edit:

Anxiety disorders are funny when they happen to men

# ? Jan 5, 2017 09:05

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Serge Painsbourg posted:

She could assemble the individual dick pics into a giant dick pic so she can drive home the insecurity when she dumps him.

So it was good enough!
:goonsay:

# ? Jan 5, 2017 09:08

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

it's not like women don't get insecure about their boobs or a bit jealous when they find out your one/several of your exes had a bigger rack than them. Sure insecurity is unattractive but if everything else is fine imo it's kinda fair to just accept that this particular body issue is beyond their control and something the general media is going to constantly make them feel inferior over so it's hard for them to just "forget about". I feel like there's a middle ground between accepting 10 dickpics a day for constant validation and just shrugging your shoulders and going "it's their complex, their problem". If the relationship is worth it they could probably reach said middleground through an adult conversation that shows she both understands where the insecurity comes from and wants to help within certain boundaries.

# ? Jan 5, 2017 09:43

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

Or she could dump his rear end

# ? Jan 5, 2017 09:46

Cumslut1895: Feb 18, 2015; by FactsAreUseless

ArbitraryC posted:

it's not like women don't get insecure about their boobs or a bit jealous when they find out your one/several of your exes had a bigger rack than them. Sure insecurity is unattractive but if everything else is fine imo it's kinda fair to just accept that this particular body issue is beyond their control and something the general media is going to constantly make them feel inferior over so it's hard for them to just "forget about". I feel like there's a middle ground between accepting 10 dickpics a day for constant validation and just shrugging your shoulders and going "it's their complex, their problem". If the relationship is worth it they could probably reach said middleground through an adult conversation that shows she both understands where the insecurity comes from and wants to help within certain boundaries.

lets be fair here, the life ruining ability of tiny dick is waaay worse than having small tits. Not to be creepy, but there are lots of attractive women with small racks.

# ? Jan 5, 2017 09:49

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

CharlestheHammer posted:

Or she could dump his rear end

Imagine if she decided to stay with that dude and they had children. Is she really comfortable helping him pass his little dick onto their children? Pretty hosed up imo. I don't advocate eugenics very often, but if you're under 6 inches you should probably just take yourself out of the gene pool so future generations can enjoy better sex.

Cumslut1895 posted:

lets be fair here, the life ruining ability of tiny dick is waaay worse than having small tits. Not to be creepy, but there are lots of attractive women with small racks.

If you didn't wear your jeans so tight we wouldn't know your dick was tiny.

# ? Jan 5, 2017 09:53

Cumslut1895: Feb 18, 2015; by FactsAreUseless

Chichevache posted:

Imagine if she decided to stay with that dude and they had children. Is she really comfortable helping him pass his little dick onto their children? Pretty hosed up imo. I don't advocate eugenics very often, but if you're under 6 inches you should probably just take yourself out of the gene pool so future generations can enjoy better sex.

If you didn't wear your jeans so tight we wouldn't know your dick was tiny.

I guess I also have small but attractive tits then?

# ? Jan 5, 2017 09:54

Andrast: Apr 21, 2010

Please don't start the penis size discussion again

# ? Jan 5, 2017 10:26

Lunchmeat Larry: Nov 3, 2012

Cumslut1895 posted:

Not to be creepy, but there are lots of attractive women with small racks.

Attractive women with no boobs always make me a bit sad. It's such a waste

# ? Jan 5, 2017 10:34

Cumslut1895: Feb 18, 2015; by FactsAreUseless

Lunchmeat Larry posted:

Attractive women with no boobs always make me a bit sad. It's such a waste

except it doesn't actually make them unattractive?

# ? Jan 5, 2017 10:46

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Andrast posted:

Please don't start the penis size discussion again

I wasn't trying to I was just saying as far as relationship problems go your so being insecure about how their t, a, or d matches up to what they feel the media standards are is one that's not super hard to work through with legitimate empathy rather than just going "I tell them they're hot all the time what are they insecure about". There's a world of a difference between just saying you find them attractive (it's not like they think you'd be dating them if you thought they were ugly) and acknowledging that they feel insecure for reasons outside your relationship and you wanna help them with it within reason. Maybe if she just talked to him about why he feels so insecure rather than just dealing with it whenever it flared up they could reach a better place before it escalated this far. It's not like he was sending her 10 dick pics a day from the first time they met it clearly built to this point because it festered.

# ? Jan 5, 2017 10:47

naptalan: Feb 18, 2009

Am I under real legal threat of arrest? I may have fallen for a scam... Please help (self.legaladvice)

quote:

I did something stupid and I need to know if I should be worried about it... I live in Boston, MA

I texted a number I found on webehigh.com in the comments section...

Someone offered to sell a specific strain of marijuana and wanted payment via Moneygram (red flag #1) The cashier was in Cameroon, and I sent this person $160 for a half oz. and I was given a confirmation number with the website http://www.vitexshippingline.com/index.html and was told that the package was being shipped via airplane the next day. They said that the package is waiting at the nearest airport to me and that it would be delivered the day after that.

A few days later I was sent an email in my spam folder (red flag #2) saying that I needed to send $350 to a second cashier in order to insure my package. I was also told that, after a certain amount of time, if the payment is not received, the agency would turn my package over to the local authorities. Here is the email I received:

"REASONS FOR THE INSURANCE OF THE PRODUCTS 1 . Following Section 7, Article 4 (USA-07/4 039746/95) of 13th July 1999 of the AUS Drug Administration and the International Regulatory Board for Cargo transportation ( IRBCT), Customized Packages being transported Within Canada and the United States and across any country in general would have to be registered into the AUS Insurance scheme. 2 . According to Section 8, Article 10 ( USA-07/17 031246/95) of 13th July 1998, the insurances cheme is 100% refundable . So you are expected to make the payment of 350$(17 grams) that would be used to purchase and register your Package again lost and damages . 3 . Out of the 350 $ that you will pay for the Refundable Insurance Scheme of your Package, a total of 345 $ would be refunded to you in cash upon delivery of the package at the receiver's home address with the 5 $ deducted for documentation and registration.

ADVANTAGES OF THE REFUNDABLE INSURANCE SCHEME. With the refundable Insurance Scheme, your package can be allowed to travel across the countries that make up the Canada, American continent and European Continent . This provide for an effective passage across any port of entry or exit without exposure of the package because it is marked with diplomatic sealed stamps evading all custom check ups again until arrival at the address provided above. In case of any complication the shipping company will be in charge of any eventual damage without involving other parties. You will need to know that Just 5 $ will be deducted from the 350$ that you are required to pay since 345 $ is completely refundable upon arrival of the package at your address . Please get back to us so that we can arrive at a conclusion and insure package asap.

Thanks for your understanding and we hope to satisfy you as we have been doing for the others."

I got angry at the seller and said that I had no foreknowledge of this additional fee, and I demanded that he pay it. Since the fee is apparently "refundable" I said that I would pay him back once my package was received. He was hesitant but I got him to pay $150 of the fee and I sent the agency's cashier in Cameroon $200. After this I was promised the delivery would arrive ASAP. After 2 days of waiting, I receive a text message reading:

"Dear client your package is with the SEAL department for checking before we can proceed with delivery asap. Your package need a DIPLOMATIC SEAL to proceed with your delivery. Since as the package was registered as a discreet package. Sir, you need to pay for the seal which is sold at the agency. with this SEAL no legal authorities can open your package okay for your security. The SEAL department needs the SEAL fee which is 100% refunded with your insurances fee you paid. The fee is $200. You should know this is vitex shipping line. and time is against us. if this morning is not paid in less than 48 hours the package will be forwarded to the authorities for further action..."

-I have to know: is this a scam? Am I under any real threat legally? I was told I would be arrested if I do not pay the fee and the package would be forwarded to the authorities, since buying and sending weed in the mail is not legal. I sent the agency more money because I was scared of being arrested, and now I'm told I have to send even more money for the package I paid for already. I've spent $380 of my own money and do not have any more to give. Please help!!

# ? Jan 5, 2017 10:48

Lunchmeat Larry: Nov 3, 2012

Cumslut1895 posted:

except it doesn't actually make them unattractive?

technically no, but it means I can never love them

# ? Jan 5, 2017 10:56

Waterbed Wendy: Jan 29, 2009

naptalan posted:

Am I under real legal threat of arrest? I may have fallen for a scam... Please help (self.legaladvice)

Oh buddy.......

# ? Jan 5, 2017 11:00

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

ArbitraryC posted:

I wasn't trying to I was just saying as far as relationship problems go your so being insecure about how their t, a, or d matches up to what they feel the media standards are is one that's not super hard to work through with legitimate empathy rather than just going "I tell them they're hot all the time what are they insecure about". There's a world of a difference between just saying you find them attractive (it's not like they think you'd be dating them if you thought they were ugly) and acknowledging that they feel insecure for reasons outside your relationship and you wanna help them with it within reason. Maybe if she just talked to him about why he feels so insecure rather than just dealing with it whenever it flared up they could reach a better place before it escalated this far. It's not like he was sending her 10 dick pics a day from the first time they met it clearly built to this point because it festered.

Lol you somehow made this her fault.

# ? Jan 5, 2017 11:00

Waterbed Wendy: Jan 29, 2009

The guy needs to just get a penile implant, it's like how they fix tiny tits for dudes like Lunchmeat Larry.

They have been dating for under a year and from what I'm reading it seems like in that short time he has been constantly barraging her with dick reassurances which it seems like she has given. Maybe she can swing this into a cuckold situation and reap the benefits of such an arrangement.

# ? Jan 5, 2017 11:06