Frog Act posted:

Antivehicular posted:

I "love" dudes who get really angry and entitled the moment a woman has any other commitment about the time he wants to have a date, especially when the woman clearly expresses interest and reschedules. Wasn't there a dude earlier in the thread who had the same level of freakout about a girl saying she couldn't hang out because a family issue had come up and she had to help her mom clean out her grandma's house?

quote:

My [20 M] girlfriend of one year is literally a fascist, and I'm not sure how to talk to her about itRelationships
submitted 34 minutes ago * by imdatingafascist
My girlfriend and I have been together since January and our relationship has been absolutely wonderful. I've never know a single person could bring a me as much joy and happiness as she brings me. Generally speaking, our relationship is amazing, theres little or no conflict, we have similar senses of humor, she's fun to be around, and clearly very intellectually smart. We talk politics sometimes like anyone would, and we quickly came to the realization that we are pretty opposed on many or most individual issues, but we both agreed to do our best to have civil, logical discussions about politics and not let it affect the rest of our relationship in any way. Problem is, we are both pretty passionate about our own respective views and sometimes our discussions get a bit heated, and sometimes she seems obviously upset after a discussion. I try my best to not make anything personal, as does she, but sometimes you can't help but take these things personally.
Recently we had a conversation about Putin, and she expressed her admiration for his strong will and leadership, which I found strange since she generally talks about the platitudes of "freedom" and democracy". I thought that was a bit strange, but he's a polarizing figure and all so I didn't really make a big deal of it. However, a little bit after I asked her about her political philosophy and such, and I noticed a lot of things that lined up with Umberto Eco's definition of fascism. For instance, she totally buys into the whole cult of action for action’s sake (point 3 in Eco's key features of fascism), she considers opinions differing from hers, especially regarding national security to be "un-american," (point 4) she considers protesters treasonous (point 4), buys into the whole idea that the US has been declining in prestige and importance and that we need a strong and charismatic leader to return us to our previous glory (point 6), favors the creation of a large surveillance state and would consider supporting a secret police force dedicated to rooting out terrorists (point 5), feels humiliated by the wealth of China (8). I obviously have to point out to her that she's pretty closely matching a respected definition of what fascism is, but I have no clue how to do that without coming across as accusing her of being some kind of monster (she considers the Nazis and Fascists as villains and enemies) or being a condescending rear end. Any advice would be appreciated.
tl;dr: Girlfriend is a fascist and I'm not sure how to talk to her about it
Edit: Forgot to add her age to the title, girlfriend is [21 F]

Pick posted:

My girlfriend and I have been together since January

quote:

Me [24F] with my [25 M] bf, 9 years. He proposed without a ring[new]
submitted 18 minutes ago by wheresthering
I have been with my bf for about 9 years. We've had our ups and downs. I've always been dramatically more successful than him--I went to a top tier uni and grad school, and he went to community college. I have a wonderful family, and his is narcissistic and awful. I've always been successful in my athletics and hobbies, and he always gets frustrated and blames his failures on something else.
Marriage has been a point of contention for quite some time. He wanted me to start telling people we were getting married when I was a freshman in college. I said no, that I was not going to tell people that, and he was both crushed and pissed off, but definitely more of the latter than the former. He said that we had been "dating long enough" that we should be able to tell people that we were getting married (we had been together about 3 1/2 years at that point). I said no, it was premature to tell people that if we didn't have any concrete plans for marriage. I told him that we would not tell people we were getting married until we were engaged. I told him that ideally, I wouldn't want to get married until I was completely finished with my undergrad and grad work.
I offered him a compromise. I told him that if he raised all of the money for our wedding, including the engagement ring, the wedding itself, and the honeymoon, we could go ahead and get married as soon as that money was accrued. Realistically, that would be about $30,000-$45,000. At the time, he had two jobs so it wasn't completely unreasonable, but he had a lot of trouble managing money so I knew that he wouldn't be able to do it easily. When I proposed this, he kind of grumbled but accepted it.
Before I get crucified for being lazy and greedy, while I was in school I was unable to work, and I was not going to ask my parents for the money for a wedding because they were funding my education.
I'm working on my PhD currently. A few weeks ago he "proposed" to me--got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. He took my hand in his, and when he was done with his speech I thanked him for it, and asked where the ring was. He said that he was still saving up for it. I said okay, when he gets the ring we can try again and this was a nice trial run. He got upset that I wasn't going to be announcing his "proposal" to facebook and all of our friends and family. Basically he wanted me to treat his pseudo proposal as the real one and act ecstatic and humbled.
The problem is that if I had done this, there would never be any ring, ever. He would just keep saying that he was saving up, he was almost there, it was on his way, etc etc etc. He's done stuff like this before, and that's why I don't trust him now.
My question is, is this the hill to die on? Should I wait and see if he gets his rear end in gear and actually gets a ring, or should I just cut my losses?
tl;dr: Bf fake proposed, is upset that I won't announce it like it was real

Frog Act posted:

My (24/f) boyfriends (30/m) height and penis size insecurities are causing huge problems in our relationship and I'm ready to end it.

Pick posted:

Pick posted:

Pick posted:

Antivehicular posted:

"I told my constantly struggling boyfriend that I wouldn't marry him unless he climbed a Sisyphean hill of savings to throw down the bottomless pit of wedding expenses, but he's not playing perfectly into my narrative, what do?"

Business Gorillas posted:

that's absolutely some sort of mra fever dream

quote:

I (42) just had to turn my homeless brother (45) away in the bitter cold when he showed up at my house after not seeing him for over 3 years. It is one of the worst things I have ever had to do[new]
submitted a minute ago by Mouthtuom
My brother is a danger to himself and others because he has schizoaffective disorder, is a sociopath and a narcissist. He started an accidental fire last week that burned my mother's house (and several other people's) down and also caused serious injuries. My mother lost everything she owned and someone might lose their life over his complete lack of judgement and carelessness.
He has been through the failed mental heath system at every level. He has navigated through it and refuses to get help anymore basically. He won't accept any kind of authority and just won't play the game anymore.
He just showed up at my door expecting me to let him stay here and I sent him on his way with a little money and a cab ride to a hotel (that he ended up not going to of course). I have a wife and kids and don't trust him in the slightest to be around them, let alone stay here. It is -10 out at least. He could freeze to death and I feel extremely bad about that. I don't know what else I could do for him.
I don't really even know why I'm posting other than that I have nobody to talk to about this. I feel horrible on one side and angry at him on the other. I am so tired of watching him burn every bridge, manipulate so many people and take advantage of other people's kindness. His mental illness feels like a crutch and this time it has completely turned many people's lives upside down. After decades of trying to offer compassion and help, I just can't anymore.
TL;DR I just had to tell my homeless older brother that he wasn't welcome when it's sub-zero outside. I feel both guilt and anger towards him

Pick posted:

quote:

Guy (19m) who I (18f) rejected in high school is showing up at my house randomly and stares at me at the gym. Is this harmless behavior or is getting closer to stalking?[new]
submitted 3 minutes ago by scaredonwinterbreak
Hey reddit, I normally lurk on here more than I post but I have a bit of a problem.
There's this guy, let's call him Dean, who I went to a small high school with. The staff caught him doing weird stuff in the bathroom (going into details would be kind of mean and unnecessary for the story) and it got spread around the school, so a lot of people made fun of him. My friend group would invite him to sit at our lunch table sometimes since he was usually alone and seemed like a harmless guy. He was generally pretty quiet and would make the occasional joke.
Something to keep in mind here as you read the next few paragraphs is that he is autistic. This isn't what the dealbreaker was for me, my current boyfriend is autistic, I just frankly don't find Dean physically attractive, but I think might help with context.
I was one of the few single girls in the group who was nice to him, and because of this I think he got a little attached. He started telling people he had a big crush on me and it being a small school, I heard about it quickly. He asked me out later that year and I turned him down. For the next two years of high school, he would try to ask me to school dances or to go see a movie at least once a year. Each time, I would try to be polite but would tell him no, I wasn't interested in that.
He would also give me a rose every valentine's day, although this eventually expanded to one for every girl in our lunch group. It go to the point that in senior year, I pretended to already be going with my friend so he wouldn't ask me to prom like he was telling people he wanted to.
He also joined every club I was apart of during these years. One of these was film club, where he made a suggestion that my character strip naked in one scene of the film. I sometimes felt as if he was trying to pressure me into dating him by making passive-aggressive comments about how no girls like him (this didn't make me more attracted to him, obviously). One memorable moment in senior year was when he told a "joke" about how he would commit suicide if a girl didn't go out with him soon and then gave me a pointed look across the lunch table.
We both started our first year at our college last fall. We're in the same major, so I see him around campus from time to time. He's also gotten to know my boyfriend since they're in the same campus autism counseling group. I figured that since he knew I had a boyfriend now and he was meeting new girls outside of our tiny high school, his crush on me would fade. I'm not so sure now.
A few of my friends ran into Dean on campus during the first semester, and apparently he asked all of them where my dorm was and what room number I had. Luckily none of them gave it to him, but I thought it was strange. He also started texting me a lot more. He's invited me to parties or to go out to eat around midnight on school nights, and then says something passive-aggressive if I didn't answer (usually because I was sleeping or studying). He joined a club on campus and would ask me to come to every meeting on Friday, and although I was genuinely interested in the club's topic, Friday nights were my only night free and I usually spent them with my friends or boyfriend instead.
I finally felt bad about blowing him off for so long, so when he asked if we could study together, I invited him to join my study group for finals. He came to a session and it was fine and he wasn't acting weird around me, so I assumed he was trying to reach out in friendship but just wasn't sure how. I wasn't really interested in being close friends with him, but I tried not to think ill of him.
But things have gotten weirder this winter break. The dorms are closed and I'm staying with my parents (which is a whole other emotional can of worms, but I'll save that for another post). Dean texted me "how's your break going?" before Christmas, but I didn't answer because I was just so swamped. Then on the night of Christmas while I was setting the table for dinner, the doorbell rang. My sister opened it up and sure enough, it was Dean. He'd driven to my house in the rain (we live in the woods on the edge of town) on Christmas?? I was so shocked.
He came into my house, gave me and my siblings each a hug, and asked how everyone was doing. Then he asked my mom for her phone number. He asked if I was planning on having a holiday party because he wants to help me throw it. I said I wasn't, but thanks anyway. I asked him if he was just in the neighborhood and he assured me that he drove all the way to my house. He said we need to catch up and then left. (Btw, it's worth noting he knows my address because he came to my house for a club thing a few years ago).
It was a weird encounter but I hoped it was a one time thing. He texted me after and I ignored him. But a few days after Christmas my mom was driving out the neighborhood and she passed Dean's truck coming down the road. She asked him what he was doing and he said he "needed to talk to [my name]". My mom said I wasn't home at the moment, and he can't just drop by unannounced. He apologized and said that he doesn't mean to intrude, but I never answer his texts. He told her next time he'll text before he comes over.
Since then he's texted my mom that he's here for her if she ever needs help (??) and tried to call her a few times.
But there's also another issue. I live for my gym time and go there at least 4/5 nights a week. Lately I've been working out at the on-campus gym, but since it's the break, I've been going to the one in town my family has a membership at. Dean's family also has a membership there. I see his mom there all the time but recently he's been going as well. Since we both go at night, I've bumped into him a few times through the past year but it's not a big deal, I just try not to make too much eye contact because he will try to get me into a conversation and I prefer to have my gym time to myself.
But now the last 3 or 4 times I've gone to the gym, he's been there at the same time and I feel like I'm being watched. He was there yesterday and also tonight. Tonight's incident really freaked me out because he texted me in the morning asking "what's up?" and I didn't reply because I was busy. Then my mom told me she saw him driving through the neighborhood but didn't get a chance to stop him and ask what he was doing. I was home at that time and didn't hear the doorbell ring, which means he just drove past my house to see if I was there, I guess. (Like I said before, our house is very out of the way of town. No one just drives through here as a short cut).
Then when I went to the gym tonight, he was there and I was careful about not acknowledging him, like I have the last few times. I swear that he moved up a row of treadmills while I was doing weight training, because when I looked behind me he was closer. I was there with my sister and she said he stared at me on and off the entire hour we were there. A few times I caught him doing this, so I know she isn't messing with me.
I felt so uncomfortable the whole night I could barely work out. I hate feeling watched while I'm in what used to be my favorite place. I had to stay on one side of the gym for half the night until he moved to a different machine and I could finish my weights and squats without him seeing.
He's harmless, I'm pretty sure of that. And I know I shouldn't judge someone who has a social disability. He could still just want to be my friend, I don't want to sound conceited or like I'm too good for somebody. But I'm starting to get really creeped out. Do I have a valid reason to be upset here or should I just let it blow over? If I do confront him, what do I say?
tl;dr: We're in college now, but a casual friend from my high school who asked me out a few times over the years has started texting me a lot, showing up at my house randomly and staring at me while I'm at the gym. He knows I have a boyfriend so I'm not sure if it's still romantic interest or just misguided friendship. He's also autistic if that factors in, and I'm not sure if I should be handling this more firmly or let it blow over.

Pick posted:

Actually it just sounds to me like she doesn't like him and that the ring is entirely beside the point.

Pick posted:

Oh boy!

Antivehicular posted:

EDIT: Also, on that last post about "Dean" -- gently caress socialization of women that makes people like that OP have to be apologetic about the fact that they don't like being loving stalked. That behavior isn't appropriate even from someone with a developmental disorder.

Streak posted:

she's already dead

Pick posted:

also it means they've been dating since they were 13 (full of shite)

Pick posted:

Oh boy!

quote:

Yeah, he's mentioned several times that he's either going to kill himself or threaten my family in some way. There's no revenge porn, we've never had sex.

Mak0rz posted:

jesus christ

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

I hope that dude eventually realizes there are other women his age out there and he doesn't have to like ensnare the one who openly despises him in his coils, cause having heard her version of things I don't see her actually bailing just because she's miserable and knows it

E: on the other hand,

Pick posted:

Frog Act posted:

tl;dr: Boyfriends insecurities causing a huge rift in our relationship and I'm ready to end it but need another opinion.

newbinator posted:

How much do you like this guy? If you find yourself asking this question constantly then obviously it's not enough is it?
However, if you understand that everybody has their own unique set of flaws and insecurities, and can look past them, you can work on helping this guy overcome his.
Start complimenting his size during sex, "god it's so deep right now" etc etc, don't bung it on, we can tell when you're not being genuine about it so don't over do it. He sends a dick pic? "Omg it's Godzilla, so Hawt" etc etc.
Slowly build his confidence and he will become less worried that you're eyeing off every other man's crotch everytime you do the shopping, and he will become less restrictive.
Is he worth the effort? Ok give it a go. Give yourself a time frame, say 6 months, if he doesn't change then move on.

newbinator posted:

How much do you like this guy? If you find yourself asking this question constantly then obviously it's not enough is it?
However, if you understand that everybody has their own unique set of flaws and insecurities, and can look past them, you can work on helping this guy overcome his.
Start complimenting his size during sex, "god it's so deep right now" etc etc, don't bung it on, we can tell when you're not being genuine about it so don't over do it. He sends a dick pic? "Omg it's Godzilla, so Hawt" etc etc.
Slowly build his confidence and he will become less worried that you're eyeing off every other man's crotch everytime you do the shopping, and he will become less restrictive.
Is he worth the effort? Ok give it a go. Give yourself a time frame, say 6 months, if he doesn't change then move on.

Subjunctive posted:

What's the image? I'll buy it.

Pick posted:

Professor Shark posted:

newbinator posted:

How much do you like this guy? If you find yourself asking this question constantly then obviously it's not enough is it?
However, if you understand that everybody has their own unique set of flaws and insecurities, and can look past them, you can work on helping this guy overcome his.
Start complimenting his size during sex, "god it's so deep right now" etc etc, don't bung it on, we can tell when you're not being genuine about it so don't over do it. He sends a dick pic? "Omg it's Godzilla, so Hawt" etc etc.
Slowly build his confidence and he will become less worried that you're eyeing off every other man's crotch everytime you do the shopping, and he will become less restrictive.
Is he worth the effort? Ok give it a go. Give yourself a time frame, say 6 months, if he doesn't change then move on.

Frog Act posted:

My (24/f) boyfriends (30/m) height and penis size insecurities are causing huge problems in our relationship and I'm ready to end it.

Frog Act posted:

My (24/f) boyfriends (30/m) height and penis size insecurities are causing huge problems in our relationship and I'm ready to end it.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and through our whole relationship he's been really insecure about his penis size and his height. He's on the shorter side by just a bit (5'8") and I'm just a little taller than him (5'11") but its not very noticeable unless I wear heels and he hates when I wear them and has told me not to wear them. Since I don't dress up very formally around him very often, it's pretty easy to avoid them when we go out.

He's also very very self conscious about his penis size and takes drastic measures to avoid talking about it or anything. He's a little below average (4 inches) and he has some serious issues with it. He doesn't want me masturbate with dildos that are bigger than him (most of them) and doesn't like me using vibrators either. He also always talks about it with me and always accuses me of wanting to cheat on him or fantasizing about other people or not being satisfied when we have sex. It's really frustrating and annoying to have him go on and on about it and accuse me of things that I'm not doing or even thinking about doing.

The most recent thing that's making me really second guess our relationship is him going through my phone and reading my text messages about a bachelorette party for one of my friends. He grabbed my phone out of hands and read through my text messages and saw some from my friends discussing a stripper/sex toy party for our friends bachelorette and he flipped. He started yelling at me and telling me that I was a liar and that I didn't love him and wanted to cheat on him.

I asked him to calm down and what I could do to make him feel better and he told me that I needed to stop immaculating and he gave me a list of things I needed to do. That list included: not going to the bachelorette party, not getting any sex toys from the party or anywhere else, stop watching porn, specifically James Deen (he came up in a conversation with my friends), he wants me to throw out all of my heels (to not wear them ever) and he even wants me to get rid of my friends because he feels like they're "too obsessed with sex and too vain" and he feels like I tell them about his penis size and our sex life and hes embarrassed.

I feel like his requests are absolutely ridiculous and that he's overreacting in a major way and quite frankly I'm sick and tired of this behavior and I'm ready to end the relationship, but I wanted to know some other opinions of people who may have been in the situation before to actually take the jump.

tl;dr: Boyfriends insecurities causing a huge rift in our relationship and I'm ready to end it but need another opinion.