|
Tiny Brontosaurus posted:That's a Kanye lyric if that helps you at all. I want it too < Oh! Thank you. I am supremely uncool and only aware of Kanye from putting "Liz Lemon" in front of his tweets and pretending he's Tracy Jordan.
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2016 03:19
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 17, 2024 14:13 |
|
|
"Ew! He did a {long pause while thinking} mouth booger!" A non-productive cough I've had for about a week decider to randomly become productive while I was holding something and couldn't bring my hand up in time.
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2016 20:47
|
|
|
I showed Elf to the tenth graders today (last class period before a long weekend.) I love showing this movie to Chinese kids because it's interesting to see the parts they find funny. Most of the Christmas stuff goes over their heads, because they don't really have a cultural touchstone for it, but they love it when Buddy puts candy on his spaghetti and eats it with his hands. One of the shyer students didn't seem to think it was too funny. When I passed his desk, he whispered, "Fleta, is it okay to laugh at the natural man?" (Natural man= whatever the PC term for "mentally challenged" is these days.) Anyways, I paused the movie and asked them if China and the USA have the same culture. They said no. Then I asked where Buddy was from ("North................north?") and if he had the same culture as the people in New York if he was from another country. They had a bit of an "Aha!" moment. Or they wanted me to shut up, either one. Also, one of the seniors has coined the word "drugster" for a person who takes drugs. On a recent essay, she wrote, "Some people like to hit the pipe, like drugsters." I need to ask her where she heard "hit the pipe." Drugster makes sense, if you think about it. Gangster= person in a gang, so drugster= person who takes drugs. I'll teach her the real term, of course, but I appreciate her logic.
|
|
#
?
Dec 30, 2016 04:50
|
|
|
My 4 year-old daughter was playing quietly in her room for an hour or so when she suddenly emerged from her room, marched up to me, and told me nonchalantly: "Daddy, you were wrong."  And marched back to her room.
|
|
#
?
Dec 30, 2016 04:57
|
|
|
We're on a family road trip and I asked my 9 yr old niece when we need to be ready to go the next day. Her: "I think whenever because it's a short day. The only thing we're doing is the Horsey Heehaw." Me: "Horsey Heehaw? I thought we were going to the Petrified Forest." Her: "Yeah, that's it, the Petrified Forest." I have no idea where she got Horsey Heehaw.
|
|
#
?
Dec 30, 2016 05:58
|
|
|
3 year old nephew *running around in circles in my living room* Me: "Stop that! What are you doing? " Him: *stops, looks at me, smiles * "I'M NUTS! " Same nephew wakes up from nap, looks at me, "Mom?" Me: "I'm not your mom! You're crazy! " Him: "I'm crazy? " 7 year old niece: "He's just like his father!"
|
|
#
?
Dec 30, 2016 21:33
|
|
|
Fleta Mcgurn posted:Also, one of the seniors has coined the word "drugster" for a person who takes drugs. On a recent essay, she wrote, "Some people like to hit the pipe, like drugsters." I need to ask her where she heard "hit the pipe."
|
|
#
?
Jan 2, 2017 23:38
|
|
|
Antivehicular posted:Yeah, "drugster" is actually a pretty deft coinage for an English language learner. Sounds like a term out of a Gibson or Stephenson cyberpunk novel.
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2017 19:21
|
|
|
Rihanna must be proud of her latest essay, because she just sent it to me over WeChat. I have no idea what class this is for, but I would give her an A (cup) regardless: "For instance, there were countless thylacines that lived in [OTHER TEACHER SHE HAS A CRUSH ON]-[RIHANNA] in Azores originally, however, after humans use those large areas to build houses, the available land which is suitable for thylacines to survive becomes less. Consequently, the number of sheep is becoming stronger because limited thylacines come to catch them, which means there are no more potential predators like before to capture them. To make matters worse, some sheep have to enter humans' houses to have meals since their populations are too enormous to survive in this small room. So we often heard that in Azores, there was a sheep popped its head in and looked around the house inquisitively, trying to find food when people are having sex with their partner and even benefits. This situation is really awkward because if the sheep wants to join them, then people will get in a big trouble. Probably, people will lose their virginities.So providing enough land for those animals will largely kill such terrible cases like this." As an osteoarchaeologist, I have tutored undergraduates with a less cohesive and FAR less titillating understanding of sedentism. also I am dying e: I asked her; this was for her TOEFL Writing class. She's miffed because the teacher told her not to write about sex on the TOEFL. ee: she just sent me an mp3 of "Bitch Better Have My Money." Fleta Mcgurn has a new favorite as of 16:07 on Jan 4, 2017 |
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2017 14:47
|
|
|
Found on Reddit: quote:My 5-year-old daughter was riding in the back seat autobabbling away. Eventually she said, "Daddy, I don't think you know this, but when I was young, I used to pick up little bits of things off the floor and put them in my mouth."
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2017 17:34
|
|
|
trickybiscuits posted:Found on Reddit: Kid's going to have her own show on the Food Network one day.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2017 23:45
|
|
|
"Avian influenza has a puissant infectivity." true enough! "Family looks just like estuary of softly fragrant." That was the single sentence in this student's essay not copied from Wikipedia.
|
|
#
?
Jan 5, 2017 07:31
|
|
|
Tomorrow is the last day of school and finals were last week (Asia!) so we're basically spinning our wheels with just-for-fun activities. I decided to play Exquisite Corpse with the tenth graders. This was the funniest (and most coherent) story. Please note that Bluse/Bluce (he has not standardized the spelling), Jessica, and Eason are the three students who wrote it. One night, Bluse went to his girlfriend's home. One night, Jessica went to her boyfriend's home. Yesterday, Eason is dead. Today, Bluce is turned woman. and Fleta is a beautiful girl and she is sixty years old. (Note:  )My girlfriend is also 60 years old. She is a sexy grandmother! So Bluce is very love her. Grandmother very like Bluse. So they get married. They live so happily! Day by day, they live better! Everyone was very healthy! They ate vegetables every day. and they have ten kids and they have one thousand kids and grandmother is dead Bluce is very sad because his son Eason is dead and his daughter Jessica is dead end
|
|
#
?
Jan 5, 2017 10:27
|
|
|
Watching a roommate play Rimworld, ended up talking about cats and diets. I mention offhand "Anybody that tries to put their cat on a vegetarian diet needs to have their teeth knocked out." (I don't like mistreatment of animals) Roommate's kid then says "If they had their teeth knocked out, they'd need to get all their teeth replaced." Well yeah, I suppose that is the logical conclusion there, kid.
|
|
#
?
Jan 5, 2017 12:07
|
|
|
Fleta Mcgurn posted:Tomorrow is the last day of school and finals were last week (Asia!) so we're basically spinning our wheels with just-for-fun activities. I decided to play Exquisite Corpse with the tenth graders. This was the funniest (and most coherent) story. Please note that Bluse/Bluce (he has not standardized the spelling), Jessica, and Eason are the three students who wrote it. A gripping tale of grief and parthogenesis
|
|
#
?
Jan 5, 2017 13:47
|
|
|
Overheard while I was stocking shelves: Kid: Mommy! Mom: What? Kid: I'm the best! Kid: Daddy! Kid: Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Kid: DADDY! Dad: What?! Kid : (real quiet) I'm the best.
|
|
#
?
Jan 5, 2017 17:12
|
|
|
Rihanna was in the office this morning, talking to one of the Chinese teachers, when she suddenly screamed "STOP STARING AT MY BOOBS!!!!!!!!!!!"  Neither of them will give me the context. I asked her if people say that to her often and she just said, "I like it!" Okay. Sorry for posting so much; it's the last day of class, so I probably won't have any more stories until February.
|
|
#
?
Jan 6, 2017 05:14
|
|
|
meatbag posted:Overheard while I was stocking shelves: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVUyyHYkBHk
|
|
#
?
Jan 6, 2017 05:15
|
|
|
Last one, I promise. We had a parents' meeting today. Guess who was my translator? If you guessed "Rihanna," you win! Since the parents didn't really want to talk to me, or the other foreign teacher, we just sat and chatted. 1. Rihanna has a secret power. If she stares at your boobs, they will get bigger! She offered to try it on her male classmates, all of whom responded, "I don't want that." There were also no takers among the office ladies. I asked her why she doesn't do it for herself, and she said it doesn't work like that. I suggested she stand in front of a mirror. 2. Rihanna does a good impression of our (female) principal. I asked her to say something and, in the principal's voice, she said, "i am a man! I can show you my penis." She whispered the last word. 3. RIHANNA: "Do you know the c-word?" ME: "Uh, yeah. Do YOU know the c-word?" RIHANNA: "Yes." ME: "Okay, so what does it mean?" RIHANNA: *looking away* "Something you can enjoy." ME: "More specifically." RIHANNA: "It's nice." ME: "....?" RIHANNA: "[Classmate] likes it." ME: "..." RIHANNA: "She eats it all the time. I don't like it!" ME: "......................Oh, seaweed."  Right about then, a parent walked over with a question. When he left, Rihanna whispered, "Super awkward." And, not related, but one of the worst boys in that class told me he really likes Bojack Horseman. I am proud. Okay, that's it! Vacation time! :yay:
|
|
#
?
Jan 6, 2017 09:47
|
|
|
My nephew is 7. Despite what his parents have told him, he keeps calling my girlfriend and I "roommates." We're gay and this makes his mother really embarrassed when he asks questions like "are you guys going to be roommates forever?" Or "If you move apartments do you think you'd still be roommates?" We explained to him that we were like his mom and dad, so we would want to stay together regardless of apartment. "Oh, ok. But if you have a house do you think you'll still be roommates?" I think he's mostly trying gauge if he will still be able to come to our house and hang out/eat tacos/go to the Lego store.
|
|
#
?
Jan 7, 2017 21:41
|
|
|
I think he's pressuring you to get married, probably almost entirely so he will get to have cake.
|
|
#
?
Jan 8, 2017 05:45
|
|
|
My daughter and I were cooking things in the kitchen and I dropped a bit of food. As I picked it up and put it in the garbage she asked "why don't you just push it under the cabinet?" I explained that I'm the one that normally cleans the kitchen and that I'd just have to clean it up later anyway. She replied "I think Mom takes advantage of that." Yes, yes she does.
|
|
#
?
Jan 8, 2017 08:32
|
|
|
AlbieQuirky posted:I think he's pressuring you to get married, probably almost entirely so he will get to have cake. That's not the main reason anyone gets married?
|
|
#
?
Jan 8, 2017 08:50
|
|
|
ThatSlacker posted:My daughter and I were cooking things in the kitchen and I dropped a bit of food. As I picked it up and put it in the garbage she asked "why don't you just push it under the cabinet?" I explained that I'm the one that normally cleans the kitchen and that I'd just have to clean it up later anyway. She replied "I think Mom takes advantage of that."
|
|
#
?
Jan 9, 2017 16:52
|
|
|
Fleta Mcgurn posted:Last one, I promise. Do you speak Chinese at all, or are you solely at the mercy of a hilarious child for translation purposes?
|
|
#
?
Jan 9, 2017 17:30
|
|
|
My nephew is 2 and speech delayed so he mostly signs. When a baby cries he always thinks the baby needs milk and signs "milk" to his mom (usually while pointing to her chest). This is great when he knocks his little brother over, his little brother cries, and he tells his mom the baby must need milk.
|
|
#
?
Jan 9, 2017 18:01
|
|
|
Observed at the mall yesterday. Child(3-ish?) running to catch up with parents: Paw-kouw! Dad: (Thrusting both arms in the air) Parkour! Mom: (Thrusting both arms in the air) Parkour! Child runs to raised sitting bench along landscaping element. Stops, slowly and C A R E F U L Y climbs atop the bench one knee at a time, walks slowly along the length and does the drop-to-butt, lower one foot at a time method to get back down on the ground. "Paw-kouw!" (Thrusting both arms in the air) 
|
|
#
?
Jan 9, 2017 19:44
|
|
|
There was a family sitting behind us at a diner for breakfast the other day, with a little boy who was about 3 or 4. He chattered nonstop the whole time we were there. At one point his mom/aunt/whatever asked the waitress for cream and sugar for her coffee, and he stopped chattering to say "You put cream and sugar in your coffee? Seriously?"
|
|
#
?
Jan 10, 2017 00:06
|
|
|
Another podcast that tunes into this theme: Cadavercast: a Father-Son Monster Movie Podcast is pretty much exactly what it says on the tin. A dude and his five-year-old kid discuss monster movies. I've only listened to the newest and the first episode so far, but the kid just exudes . Dude knows his poo poo already concerning monster movies.
|
|
#
?
Jan 10, 2017 06:55
|
|
|
CaptainCrunch posted:Observed at the mall yesterday. Fantastic kid. Fantastic parents.
|
|
#
?
Jan 10, 2017 16:38
|
|
|
Bertrand Hustle posted:Do you speak Chinese at all, or are you solely at the mercy of a hilarious child for translation purposes? The latter. Usually, the seniors do the translations for us, but they left school early. If you are gonna ask why the students are doing the translating, I'd guess the answer is "chabudwo." Good practice for them, though, and Rihanna has better English than a few of my coworkers. To her credit, she seems to have done a good job. Parents were actually happy with me instead of telling me I must force their child to do homework or asking me why they failed classes I don't teach.
|
|
#
?
Jan 10, 2017 20:33
|
|
|
Walked on a bluff along the beach with my parents yesterday & we saw some hanggliders. Another family with a ~2 year old kid were coming from the other direction & stopped to look at the gliders. Kid to the nearest hangglider:  what's your name!!
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2017 13:11
|
|
|
*In a very serious tone of voice* You're not supposed to touch poop...Or eat it
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2017 13:34
|
|
|
FreudianSlippers posted:*In a very serious tone of voice* Sounds like a something awful poster in the making.
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2017 00:03
|
|
|
Powaqoatse posted:Walked on a bluff along the beach with my parents yesterday & we saw some hanggliders. Another family with a ~2 year old kid were coming from the other direction & stopped to look at the gliders. Man, toddlers can be so happy meeting new people. 
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2017 00:55
|
|
|
Kid A: You aren't allowed to eat people. Kid B: People aren't food. Kid C: Only food is food. All 3 years old. FreudianSlippers has a new favorite as of 12:13 on Feb 1, 2017 |
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2017 11:46
|
|
|
My coworker is raising her 3-year-old grandson and I have met him a few times, but I don't see him all the time or anything. However, my house is on their path to work/daycare and she points it out to him. He has concocted a long, elaborate story about how I am his girlfriend, and talks about it every time they drive past my house.
|
|
#
?
Feb 3, 2017 23:49
|
|
|
My almost five year old is cranking out gems daily: Me, Husband, Son eating chili: H: Cheese makes everything better S: Not your face! M: *Snorts chili out of my nose laughing so hard* This morning: S: Can I take these pennies to put in the giving jar at school? H: Sure, just put them in your pocket S: I know a safer place *starts to put them down his pants* H: No! We don't keep things in our pants! S, puzzled: We keep our penis and butt there M: Touche
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2017 04:05
|
|
|
He's figured out the hiding place system, clearly  Thanks for sharing
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2017 05:56
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 17, 2024 14:13 |
|
|
My stepmum and her almost-4 year old grandson today: What does Auntie Jane have? BIG BOOBIES
|
|
#
?
Feb 5, 2017 23:43
|
|
