quote:

My boyfriend [21 M] and I [20 F] of 2.5 years took a bath together and it resulted in some aggression.

So my boyfriend and I took a bath together this morning around 10 am. It was nice and all but I had to get out to properly wash the shampoo out of my hair in the shower (the shower and bath are separate) so I got out. He got out soon after and we dried off, got dressed, and made French toast.

Everything was fine until about 2 when we both went back to the bathroom to tidy up for work. That was when we realized that no one had drained the tub, which requires sticking one's hand in the fairly deep water and pulling up the stopper. It's worth noting that at this point the water looked gross because all the soap and hair had floated to the top (I shaved my legs).

He told me to empty the tub but I didn't want to 'cause I thought it was gross so I told him to do it. He told me to toughen up and locked me in the bathroom until I did it. I told him I threw his loofa in the dirty water so he'd open the door to retrieve it and when he did I bolted. This led to several minutes of him grabbing me and grappling me, trying to pick me up and drag me into the bathtub of cold, dirty water. This is not the first time he's dumped me in the tub. It hurt! He was tugging on me and I just got nipple piercings two nights ago so all the grabbing hurt really bad. I ended up hitting him on the butt with a hairbrush until he stopped grabbing me, drained the tub and left me alone on the bathroom floor.

So my question is, is this normal? Who should have drained the tub? How do I recover from this? He's not like this often. Granted, we don't take baths together very often.

tl;dr: my boyfriend tried to throw me in the cold, dirty bathtub when I refused to drain it.

Kurtofan posted:

how did she sleep before knowing him

Fullhouse posted:

eat the booty like a Swedish fish

quote:

I [28 M] am in mutual love with my best friend's wife[33 F] and we don't know how to get over it

So, I've had feelings for my best friend's wife for a while. Mostly just a pretty big crush, but it grew into full blown, whole hearted love a few months ago. I knew that nothing could ever come from it, I mean she married to my best friend, and they are very happy together. She was one of my closest friends, and I was happy with that. And then, the day after Christmas, everything went to hell.

I was spending a few days at their house so that I could hang with them and their kids (I am their Godfather). I woke up far earlier than I normally do (sleeping in a bed that's not my own isn't fun), and went out into the living room. She was sitting on the couch because she is always up early and was waiting for muffins to finish baking. I sat down beside her, and we started talking. Nothing really important, just early morning chat. At one point, I lean in to platonically kiss her forehead (something I do with several of my friends, and they all know that there is no meaning behind it), and I get blindsided when she kisses me back, full on the lips. Still in shock, I return the kiss for a few seconds until I can think straight again, at which point I apologize, get up, and walk back to the guest room I was sleeping in.

We chat for a few minutes via text message (so that both of us can keep level heads), and she admits that she has been fighting romantic feelings for me that she realized she had at a party we attended in November. She had no clue that I felt how I did, and I had no idea she reciprocated my feelings. We both know that we can never be together. It would tear her family apart, ruin a good number of our friendships with other people, and absolutely destroy her husband (my best friend). We told ourselves that we would put this behind us and try to go back to the friendship that we had. But that hasn't been working.

We've been around each other almost constantly for the past 2 weeks due to plans that had been in place for a long while. We couldn't really avoid each other, even if we tried. And no matter how hard we've been trying, we haven't been able to get over this love. We haven't been able to prevent ourselves from sharing a kiss anytime we are alone, or holding hands when people aren't looking. Thank God we've been able to avoid having sex, otherwise everything would be worse.

She has admitted to me that she has never loved anyone as much as she does me, and I feel the same way. But that doesn't change the fact that we cannot be together. Neither one of us is willing to cause the damage that would result from that. The problem we're facing is how to move on and get past this. She's afraid that she will never be happy without me, and I don't know how I will ever find someone that I love as much as I do her. What can we do to put this love behind us and try to go back to a semblance of normalcy? How can she put me behind her and go back to being happy with her husband? Any help is greatly appreciated, but any "just go for it and be together" responses will be ignored. Thank you.

tl;dr: My best friends wife and I are madly in love, but can't hurt everyone by tearing her family apart. How can we move past this and go back to normal?

Gaunab posted:

tub horseplay

Gaunab posted:

Gaunab posted:

Kurtofan posted:

how did she sleep before knowing him

Gaunab posted:

Gaunab posted:

Gaunab posted:

WampaLord posted:

You think he's paying 44% taxes on a salary of $130k?

Gaunab posted:

I sat down beside her, and we started talking. Nothing really important, just early morning chat. At one point, I lean in to platonically kiss her forehead (something I do with several of my friends, and they all know that there is no meaning behind it),

Gaunab posted:

Demon Of The Fall posted:

who does this!?

quote:

I (27F) feel violated and trapped by my friend (25A)-DESPERATELY need advice!!!Non-Romantic

Hello r/relationships! Throwaway account here! Please let me know if this isn't the right place to post this. I will do my best to be as brief as I can. This is a very delicate situation (hence the throwaway) and I desperately need help.
I (27F) have a friend (25) who is agendered. They are biologically female but mentally identify with no gender and prefer the pronoun "they". For simplicity, let's call them Q. Q and I have been friends for a few years, and Q is not out to their parents and seems afraid to come out. Q also has severe depression and anxiety, the full extent of which I didn't know until recently.

Last month, I had to talk Q down when they were suicidal. About a week later, Q confessed that they are in love with me. Both events were pretty stressful, but I did my best to stay calm and take them both in stride. I cannot reciprocate Q's feelings because I am A) happily partnered and B) straight. Q is biologically female, so even if I was single that wouldn't work.

Last week, Q came to my house for a party, and everything pretty much exploded. Something triggered a depressive/anxiety attack in Q and I had to hold them while they sobbed hysterically for an hour. While that was happening, they revealed that they'd self harmed while in the bathroom (which explained the blood on the sink- I thought it was a flossing mishap of one of my roommates). Then, Q tried desperately to self harm again and I had to physically restrain them. They clawed my arm in the process.

Once Q was calmer, we resumed watching the movie that the rest of the party was watching. No matter where I sat, they kept climbing into my lap. If I tried to stand up, they would whimper "no!" and wrap their limbs tightly around me. Then, things got worse. Q started subtly kissing my neck and grabbing my breasts. I felt horribly trapped and violated- I felt like if I said or did anything they'd cut themselves again, so I sat there and let them grope me. They tried to find a way to stay the night, but my roommate took them home. If my roommate hadn't taken Q away I don't know what would've happened.

I feel sick inside. I feel like I got molested. I also know mental illnesses make people do things they wouldn't normally do, and I want to give them the benefit of the doubt. In true woman-who-was-molested/assaulted fashion, I keep feeling like its my fault somehow because I'm a huggy person, even through I know I didn't ask for this. I also feel dumb because Q is tiny. Like, they could fold up to fit in a suitcase if they wanted to. I, on the other hand, am big and used to play rugby in college. How could I be so afraid of somebody who I could practically toss with one arm?

I have put distance between me and Q for the last week or so, but I feel like I can't cut ties completely. I think I'm their only friend, and considering their easy access to blades and sleeping pills, I'm afraid they'd kill themselves if I left. I wish I could talk to their family, but I can't do that without outing them as agender, which would be just as potentially harmful.

I feel completely stuck, violated, and scared. I still care about Q, but I am in WAY over my head and I don't know what to do next. HELP!

TL,DR: my friend Q is agender, suicidal, a self harmer, closeted, and in love with me. Q groped me after I had to physically restrain them to keep them from hurting themselves at a party and I felt like I had to just sit there and take it or they'd hurt themselves again. I am in way over my head and need help with this situation!!

Gaunab posted:

MinibarMatchman posted:

lol @ "is this normal?" at this psycho locking her in the bathroom before dumping her into cold dirty water. "is this normal" what the gently caress do you think, genius

Gaunab posted:

MinibarMatchman posted:

lol @ "is this normal?" at this psycho locking her in the bathroom before dumping her into cold dirty water. "is this normal" what the gently caress do you think, genius

Pvt.Scott posted:

I dunno, it was her gross hair and she made a big deal out of it and bolted like it was Saturday morning cartoon days back in grade school. He just thought she was playing along. I've seen couples do goofier poo poo with each other and have a grand time.

Sounds like they should...talk about it or something?

Gaunab posted:

Best friend wife crap

Leon Einstein posted:

At what age do most people realize there is a difference between love and lust?

Pick posted:

Pick posted:

quote:

My [24F] boyfriend [31M] of three years needs a major reality check as to what type of house we can reasonably afford. How do I get this across to him?Relationships
submitted 4 hours ago by homeseeking86

We’ve been together for three years, and, for the most part, they’ve been good. We are at the point of really wanting to be married and living together. Honestly, for me, I was ready at the two year point, so I know that my patience is probably a factor in the frustration I’m feeling at the moment too.
Well, I live with my parents and he lives with his mom as well here in west Texas. We are opposed to renting because it is relatively expensive compared to buying. We talked and agreed upon buying a house first, living together, and then getting married within the next one or two years. An actual engagement could happen at any time, but we agreed that it’d definitely happen this year.
I know that it is not wise to buy a home without being married first. My preference is for us to be married first anyways, but he’d like for us to have a place to at least enjoy our newlywed life, and I agree. And, like I mentioned earlier, we are opposed to renting, so we are looking to buy.
Now, here is our problem. His credit is not good, but mine is. We are currently in the process of rebuilding his credit. In the meantime, we are looking at owner financed homes and I am in touch with a mortgage officer to see what we can get based on my own income and credit. To me, this seems smart because I’m confident that I can get approved for a decent, but not extravagant, home, which will help us in the future when we decide to have kids and will have to get by on only his income for a short time.
So, this past weekend, we are driving around and he goes a little outside of city limits. I’m enjoying the time with him, so I don’t see the point of saying anything. Well, we find a nice house and get off to have a look. Not even five minutes later, the realtor pulls up and we find out that it’s actually an open house that day.
My boyfriend falls in love with the house. It’s $175,000. Just to give you an idea, we can easily find a cute home for $100k to $120k in town. That was my price point to keep things practical. Anyways, it literally checks off everything that is on his list, which I find to be expensive and unnecessary. For example, he wants to live outside city limits to avoid city taxes and regulations (he’s bumped heads with them for not having his yard clean, for example, because of his project cars). He wants a ton of space between us and the neighbors. And, he wants a house with enough land for him to build a shop where he can work on cars. To me, this is all unnecessary. Don’t want the city on your back? Then, keep your yard clean. Why does he need a shop while working full-time as a mechanic, anyways?
After typing this out, I feel bad, because I wish he could have all of these things. I know he wants his dream home, but it’s just not reasonable, especially given the timeline and his credit.
On the other hand, I just want a home in a good school district here in town. But, he literally likes none of those because there’s not enough space between houses and for a shop.
I love him, but I just can’t see how we can compromise on something that is so major and expensive. Any advice?
Also, our incomes… I make $32k, he makes $40k.
TL;DR: Boyfriend wants a home in the country with lots of space. These run at nearly twice the point of what, in my opinion, is reasonable for us, especially given our timeline, incomes, and his bad credit. How do I get him back to earth?

Moridin920 posted:

like how hosed up is your life that you're honestly sitting there needing input from the internet on whether or not it is normal for your SO to lock you in the bathroom until you do what they want

Khorne posted:

I got a far more playful vibe from that post. I dunno. Like, she got out of the bathroom by claiming to have thrown his loofah in and then running out. The entire thing sounds like they were smiling and laughing the entire time. Even "I hit him on the butt with the hairbrush until he stopped, he drained the tub, and he left me alone".

Well, throwing her in the tub seems wildly inappropriate. Especially with how she described it. The rest just seemed like playing around. Even how she phrased it is that way. But then she asks a question like is this normal? The post came across as incoherent due to the ambivalence she wrote it with.

I get where people are coming from though. It's abusive as gently caress to lock someone in the bathroom to force them to do something against their will, and the rest is inappropriate in an anger/force type of situation. I just find it hard to believe that after all of that her boyfriend would drain the tub and leave her alone over some brush smacks on the butt if he were being an abusive jerk.

Moridin920 posted:

I see that interpretation but at the same time if it was that lighthearted would she be on Reddit asking about it? Mebbe I guess.