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How about you don't loan out 300 bucks if you have literally no money?
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Jan 13, 2017 18:56
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| # ? May 16, 2024 09:47 |
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My [24F] fiance [24 M] gaslighted me about sex and now I don't know what's the truth anymore.quote:We've been together for 5 years, best friends for 12. We have a pretty good sex life. He's accommodating of my kinks. One such kink is sleep sex. He has permission to have sex with me even if I'm dead asleep. It's usually quite fun, but every once in a while my body isn't receptive. Last night was one of those nights. I woke up to feeling him try to penetrate me, feeling resistance. He slid himself across it a few times, then tried again pushing harder. This hurt pretty bad, so I cried out and asked him what he was doing.
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Jan 13, 2017 18:57
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I don't "get" sleep sex. Are there people for whom it's actually very awesome and doesn't cause drama?
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Jan 13, 2017 18:59
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WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:My [24F] fiance [24 M] gaslighted me about sex and now I don't know what's the truth anymore. Lady you know you can just say "Hey no more sleep sex" and he'll stop right? And if he doesn't then you loving run away.
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Jan 13, 2017 19:00
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I don't get sleep sex at all -- maybe I'm some kind of deviant "having sex with a partner who's obviously into it and having fun and, y'know, conscious" fetishist -- but at least it's her fetish and not his. Not that that makes the story that much better or anything, but at least she brought it to the table initially, not "gonna lie about trying to penetrate your unconscious body" guy.
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Jan 13, 2017 19:00
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WampaLord posted:Here's a topic change because the thread is really boring when one poster decides to make a bunch of "theme" posts: This guy got exactly what he deserved by emotionally blackmailing a partner that obviously wanted out of the relationship into staying for goddamned marriage of all things. He might not have been doing it intentionally, but throwing down all that "you'll never have me in your life again," horseshit was pretty manipulative. Stupid brain chemicals and sunk cost fallacy and stuff. This is why humans can't have nice things, we constantly sabotage ourselves. These people would be happier doing their own stuff, or maybe they'd go out and date for a few years, gain some wisdom and experience and then hook back up. I hope that their first child is a masculine child.
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Jan 13, 2017 19:03
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Easy solution, add a new rule saying he needs to lube both them up first
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Jan 13, 2017 19:04
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It's messed up, but she literally wants him to have sex with her while she's sleeping. How does she expect an aspie to differentiate whether she wants it or not?
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Jan 13, 2017 19:06
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Pvt.Scott posted:This guy got exactly what he deserved by emotionally blackmailing a partner that obviously wanted out of the relationship into staying for goddamned marriage of all things. He might not have been doing it intentionally, but throwing down all that "you'll never have me in your life again," horseshit was pretty manipulative. Telling someone that if they break up with you and gently caress other people then that's the end of the relationship is blackmail now? Gosh.
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Jan 13, 2017 19:09
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100 degrees Calcium posted:I don't "get" sleep sex. Are there people for whom it's actually very awesome and doesn't cause drama? sounds like it's her fetish, though don't ask me to explain fetishes that inherently rule out you getting off (at least while you're aware of it) dude raises a good point, why the gently caress did he lie about it? realbez posted:Telling someone that if they break up with you and gently caress other people then that's the end of the relationship is blackmail now? Gosh. pvt scott needs to date that chick that declared that her bf expressing discomfort with her going on a solo trip to amsterdam to gently caress her ex was abuse I'm sure they'll be very A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 19:17 on Jan 13, 2017 |
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Jan 13, 2017 19:14
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Uh...yeah, if your fetish is 'sexually assault me while I'm unconscious' I'm not sure how anyone, neurotypical or not, is supposed to determine when that's okay and when it's not. Not to mention that making that fetish a feature of your dating life immediately selects only probable rapists or otherwise really hosed up people as partners. I honestly don't know what this woman wants except an excuse to not have to think about why, exactly, she's including no joke actual technical sexual assault in her sex life.
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Jan 13, 2017 19:20
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People wondering about loaning $300 for a half baked collectible card "investment" or desperately needing $150 have probably never been poor in America. Somewhat related, on the outskirts of town here there's a strip mall with a MTG card store and a payday loan shop right next door to each other. 
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Jan 13, 2017 19:27
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Clark Nova posted:People wondering about loaning $300 for a half baked collectible card "investment" or desperately needing $150 have probably never been poor in America. Being poor means you loan out money you don't have? Nah, loaning out money you don't have makes you poor.
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Jan 13, 2017 19:28
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Clark Nova posted:People wondering about loaning $300 for a half baked collectible card "investment" or desperately needing $150 have probably never been poor in America. Yea but if he can afford rare rear end MTG cards, they're not "poor in America."
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Jan 13, 2017 19:28
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WampaLord posted:Yea but if he can afford rare rear end MTG cards, they're not "poor in America." who says they're that rare? the crazy idiot thinks they're his lotto tickets and the card shop probably gave a fair assessment at $150. Most people who aren't Dickensian urchins can pass the hat around and scrape up a few hundred bucks in an emergency (or "emergency"), that apparently just represents the sum total of their collective savings. Tiny Deer posted:Uh...yeah, if your fetish is 'sexually assault me while I'm unconscious' I'm not sure how anyone, neurotypical or not, is supposed to determine when that's okay and when it's not. i was gonna say something about necrophiles but I think you need to settle down, Beavis My [24 M] girlfriend [24 F] of 4 years started posting nudes on the internet. Upon expressing slight discomfort, she explained it was due to one dimension my sexual neglect. quote:Juicy, I know. I'm going to try to keep this as concise as possible. So a few weeks ago, my [24 M] girlfriend [24 F] of four years suggested that we start making some amateur videos together. I thought it might be fun and agreed tentatively. A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 19:35 on Jan 13, 2017 |
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Jan 13, 2017 19:29
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A Wizard of Goatse posted:My [24 M] girlfriend [24 F] of 4 years started posting nudes on the internet. Upon expressing slight discomfort, she explained it was due to one dimension my sexual neglect. This story just makes me wonder how he is responding to getting nudes from his gf in a non-sexy way. "Oh, nice. What do you want for dinner?"
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Jan 13, 2017 19:32
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Clark Nova posted:Somewhat related, on the outskirts of town here there's a strip mall with a MTG card store and a payday loan shop right next door to each other. Edit: A Wizard of Goatse posted:who says they're that rare? the crazy idiot thinks they're his lotto tickets and the card shop probably gave a fair assessment at $150. Yawgmoth fucked around with this message at 19:40 on Jan 13, 2017 |
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Jan 13, 2017 19:34
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Clark Nova posted:People wondering about loaning $300 for a half baked collectible card "investment" or desperately needing $150 have probably never been poor in America. They're poor, but they're nerd poor--they live in squalor and desperate poverty because they spend their money on toys and games. See: Blue Story, every 'nerd house' story, furries/cosplayers who beg for grocery money on the internet after they spend thousands of dollars on conventions and costumes. It's not just nerds who do this, witness also the truck rich oil rig workers and horse people.
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Jan 13, 2017 19:34
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Leon Einstein posted:Being poor means you loan out money you don't have? Nah, loaning out money you don't have makes you poor. People squander windfalls on dumb poo poo like this all the time, knowing that they'll be flat loving broke next week no matter what. It's lovely and self-defeating but it's pretty common. I'm too lazy to look up and link that old John Cheese cracked.com article on my phone.
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Jan 13, 2017 19:37
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I don't think the 300 was a windfall.
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Jan 13, 2017 19:38
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Leon Einstein posted:I don't think the 300 was a windfall. windfall to the 40-year-old bf. to the girlfriend, it was evidently her life savings.
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Jan 13, 2017 19:39
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realbez posted:Telling someone that if they break up with you and gently caress other people then that's the end of the relationship is blackmail now? Gosh. Man, he's talking to someone who has been his exclusive partner since either of you started dating. She already voiced that she wanted out and when she said she was unsure about the marriage that should have been it. It should have been over at that point because the OP isn't down with that poo poo, as the vast majority of humanity would not be. It's perfectly natural that an exclusive couple that has been together as long as they have would try hard to stay together though, as breaking up would be devastating. Dude was basically gutted and useless until his beau showed up looking for forgiveness. The blackmail/manipulation/I dunno persuasive argumentation? part comes about with how important and strong the relationship is. It's a natural action, I'd do the same thing, as would most people, dropping reminders of the relationship at stake. It's counter-productive as gently caress though, and often, as has proven true in OP's case, against your own interest. You're threatening the other party with the emotional harm (probably not intentionally) that is a natural consequence of ending a relationship, which is a BIG DEAL IN YOUR BRAIN MEAT. PAIN HURTS MUST AVOID. It's reasonably effective as a persuasion tool. OP did what he did to avoid his own anguish just as much or more than to actually salvage anything. The fact that we do all of this poo poo without consciously thinking about it is both rad as gently caress and terrible. It worked, she stayed. She got married. She probably similarly crushed her own well-founded doubts with the fact that reentering the presence of her boyfriend after a separation/threesome/heartbreak made the pain she was experiencing just...disappear. Couple bonding is a hell of a drug. I guess I worded my poo poo poorly or I'm just a giant tool. I was just amused because the OP was the source of his own current problems since he didn't take the plunge and and end the relationship when it needed to.
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Jan 13, 2017 19:42
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Clark Nova posted:People squander windfalls on dumb poo poo like this all the time, knowing that they'll be flat loving broke next week no matter what. It's lovely and self-defeating but it's pretty common. I'm too lazy to look up and link that old John Cheese cracked.com article on my phone. John Cheese is not a reliable reporter of all types of poverty ever, and worse yet, isn't even funny.
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Jan 13, 2017 19:44
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The sleep sex one is baffling. As far as I can tell he was doing exactly what he'd been instructed/allowed to do. And then she whips out "gaslighting"? In what loving sense? She's the one who set up every domino in that situation. How could she even be aroused if she was unconscious and unaware she was going to have sex? The hell?
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Jan 13, 2017 19:47
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Tiny Deer posted:See: Blue Story, every 'nerd house' story, furries/cosplayers who beg for grocery money on the internet after they spend thousands of dollars on conventions and costumes. It's really everyone who is still stuck in the teenager "all income is disposable income" mindset.
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Jan 13, 2017 19:49
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Sex sleep OP has solved the issue by implementing my solution. She commented:quote:Sleep sex is definitely off the table. I told him that before I went to sleep.
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Jan 13, 2017 19:49
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also how dare you post all of those juicy gamer stories before I had a chance to rant about how they should all be 
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Jan 13, 2017 19:53
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I still don't understand how you would even sleep through any portion of sex.
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Jan 13, 2017 19:53
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Pvt.Scott posted:I still don't understand how you would even sleep through any portion of sex. I fell asleep once while I was getting my teeth cleaned at the dentist, so maybe it's just really boring sex?
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Jan 13, 2017 19:54
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Pick posted:The sleep sex one is baffling. As far as I can tell he was doing exactly what he'd been instructed/allowed to do. And then she whips out "gaslighting"? In what loving sense? 
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Jan 13, 2017 19:59
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Pick posted:How could she even be aroused if she was unconscious and unaware she was going to have sex? The hell? This is just a guess, but my assumption is that she'd become physically aroused from simulation even unconsciously, then the banging would proceed? I'm more confused about how she can say she has fun with this even if she's unconscious. I feel like "don't sleep-bang if my body isn't physically aroused/responsive" isn't a crazy boundary to draw, but it's also not the easiest to enforce, especially if the partner's gauge is "can I stick it in?" This fetish is a loving minefield.
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Jan 13, 2017 20:10
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Antivehicular posted:This is just a guess, but my assumption is that she'd become physically aroused from simulation even unconsciously, then the banging would proceed? I'm more confused about how she can say she has fun with this even if she's unconscious. p much. like 99% of what's wrong their is the boyfriend acting super creepy like he violated her, instead of was just clumsy with their weirdo awkward corpse-sex roleplay
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Jan 13, 2017 20:13
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Tiny Deer posted:They're poor, but they're nerd poor--they live in squalor and desperate poverty because they spend their money on toys and games. Absolutely true. I wound up drifting from her but my best friend was this person. This is like an r/relationship post so I'll share. I have seen so many gross nerd houses. One she lived in with was a couple. Very typical nerds, overweight, bad hygiene and no money because they spent it on dumb anime poo poo. Guy says he wants to open their relationship and start dating my friend as well. His girlfriend says she's totally cool with it, it's all good, etc. Keep in mind my friend is super beautiful, waif-like, nice face and all and his girlfriend was well, very pretty but it was obvious her bf was crushing on my friend because her looks. Two weeks later girlfriend has a major emotional breakdown, much to the surprise of anyone with common sense. The house was such a disgusting sty, always piles of dirty dishes, and my friend was no saint, total slob. She slept on a mattress on the floor and when she moved there was so many maggots and other bugs underneath it  Like I said, not my friend anymore.
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Jan 13, 2017 20:15
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. . . edit:^^^ cutting out this first part b/c actually i'd rather not keep that discussion going ^^^ Antivehicular posted:I don't get sleep sex at all -- maybe I'm some kind of deviant "having sex with a partner who's obviously into it and having fun and, y'know, conscious" fetishist -- but at least it's her fetish and not his. Not that that makes the story that much better or anything, but at least she brought it to the table initially, not "gonna lie about trying to penetrate your unconscious body" guy. It's a submissive bdsm thing. People who get off on extreme submission can find the idea of their body being used while they sleep erotic. It's the kind of thing you really have to discuss like crazy with your partner for very obvious reasons. Pick posted:The sleep sex one is baffling. As far as I can tell he was doing exactly what he'd been instructed/allowed to do. And then she whips out "gaslighting"? In what loving sense? I think the issue is probably that he was hurting her and then lying to her when she tried to talk to him about it. I think it's an unfair situation to have put him in to a point (he has an impaired sense of boundaries and poor empathy, it's too much to ask) but he should have known better than to lie to her and then try to claim she was dreaming it up. Mirthless fucked around with this message at 20:41 on Jan 13, 2017 |
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Jan 13, 2017 20:15
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Sorry, I should clarify: where I'm from sleep sex is literally legally sexual assault regardless of advanced consent. The relevant case. Obviously it's controversial and it's the type of thing that won't be prosecuted unless the sleeping party reports it, but on Canada you can't consent to a sexual activity you're not conscious for. I have no idea where this woman lives, but if it's in Canada her partners are risking sexual assault charges in the case of, oh, I don't know, she decides post facto that she withdraws consent from sleep sex like she did in her own story. I wouldn't sell heroin as part of my partner's fetish and I wouldn't commit sexual assault for them either.
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Jan 13, 2017 20:45
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Tiny Deer posted:Sorry, I should clarify: where I'm from sleep sex is literally legally sexual assault regardless of advanced consent. quote:On appeal, the Court of Appeal for Ontario was unanimous that there was insufficient evidence to conclude that K.D. did not consent to the sexual activity. I don't really care to defend this weird fetish but uh ??? even the complainant recanted so it was literally just that one trial judge who believed she wasn't consenting, and was promptly overridden p.s. don't choke your partner out and then gently caress their passed-out body, even if they ask you to which means you legally can A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 20:57 on Jan 13, 2017 |
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Jan 13, 2017 20:54
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A Wizard of Goatse posted:I don't really care to defend this weird fetish but uh ??? That was the original appeal of the case, which then went to the Supreme Court where they decided that didn't stand. Edit: that's admittedly a badly written article but my point is that it's legally pretty risky to have sex with an unconscious person even if they tell you to do it, at least if you live in one of the English common law countries. The law is very reluctant to allow for the concept of advanced consent because, well, people raping unconscious women and claiming that they wanted it is much more common than totally consensual sex sleep role play. A recent example where the advanced consent defense was used was the Brock Turner case, and that's in the US. Obviously they're two different situations, but the danger of allowing advanced consent is that it would make those defenses stronger in court and nobody wants that. Tiny Deer fucked around with this message at 21:06 on Jan 13, 2017 |
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Jan 13, 2017 20:57
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quote:Me [19M] just found out my Mexican girlfriend [20F] family is gang affiliated. Zoinks!
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Jan 13, 2017 21:01
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sounds like a good position to be in provided they don't expect him to join the gang
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Jan 13, 2017 21:02
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Mirthless posted:sounds like a good position to be in provided they don't expect him to join the gang
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Jan 13, 2017 21:03
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