Pearnicious posted:

Grandma Panic! posted:

ftfy

Akratic Method posted:

They can. I was friends with a guy who topped out at 550 before finally fixing his diet. He was also 6'6" so he had a big frame to put it all on, but he definitely still walked, and if fattest Goon commutes by car and doesn't need to go further than apartment-elevator-car-elevator-chair he could realistically do it.

At any rate, this confession sounds like my friend enough that if it's not a real fat depressed loser s/he does an alarmingly good impression of one.

Grandma Panic! posted:

ftfy

Grandma Panic! posted:

ftfy

Grandma Panic! posted:

ftfy

quote:

I am trying to keep this all confidential and free of emotion, but I am currently extremely pissed.

For several months I worked on a project of my own design. I'm going to keep this vague so I apologize if it's not really clear. But basically, I suggested an alliance between my company and a major retail chain. We would leverage their existing space to avoid building new locations, and would in turn give them an advantage that I can't discuss without totally blowing what company I work for. I imagined a small pilot program local to me, then eventually rolling out across the country.

I did all the work on this and then sent it up the corporate chain to be approved. It hit a certain level, then kind of disappeared off the radar for a few months. I assumed there were legal issues or something like that.

Today an email was sent out across the country announcing a "long term alliance agreement" with that retailer, that's expected to cover 8000 stores by fall of 2018.

My idea was stolen from me. My possibly multi-million dollar idea. I do not know what to do. I have full documentation of my work, but I know that pursuing legal action is a death sentence for my job and possibly my career.

quote:

My wife's sister is going through a really painful divorce and has been living with us for the past few weeks. I am majorly regretting this and considering telling my wife that her sister has to leave.

When SIL moved in with us she was an emotional wreck. Her husband told her a few days before Christmas that he had been cheating on her for their entire marriage, and that he planned to divorce her and marry the girl. SIL had signed a pre-nup as her husband was a Doctor and SIL did not work when they got married. My wife told her not to do this, SIL claimed it was just a precaution, and well... here we are. SIL is now job hunting, dealing with the stress, and trying to start a new life when she has literally $450 dollars to her name, some clothes, and not much else.

I have extreme empathy for my SIL and have done all I can to try and help her. However:


1) SIL will angrily masturbate at least once a night. She is staying downstairs in the living room. My wife and I have both been awaken by her screaming obscenities. I rushed down thinking something happened, only to find her spread-eagled on the floor. It was embarrassing and she apologized - but she keeps doing it. We stopped coming to check on her of course.

2) SIL leaves her sex toys in the refrigerator and dishwasher. Dishwasher apparently to clean them. Refrigerator for some kind of dildo. I don't understand that - my wife talked to her and it stopped for a few days. Then one morning I was grabbing my OJ and a foot long pink dick was flopping around behind it. This has seemingly stopped since then, at least.

3) SIL calls my dog "Retard". My dog's name is Speck but now he's started responding to the word Retard.

4) SIL will dress up really fancy on Saturday while wife and I are out running errands. When we get back she always asks us if we're "going out on the town". If we aren't, she locks herself in the bathroom and we hear sobbing. If we do go out for dinner or drinks or whatever, she'll come along but then just mope constantly as everything reminds her of the ex-husband.

5) This is the dealbreaker in my eyes. As mentioned - SIL did not work during her marriage. She lived as a bit of a trophy wife for the last 10 years, and as such, she had a LOT of free time on her hands. She is now obsessed with life hacks and will "hack" our house while we're gone. These hacks are always pointless, and are sometimes really dangerous. The first few were just things like putting a chalkboard in the kitchen to plan meals (okay, not the worst idea) or putting bread ties around our cables to clean things up (I'd use something better than bread ties, but the thought was nice).

Once I came home to socks with tennis balls in them taped to the ceiling fan, with the fan going full speed. She claimed this would "whip" the air and make it easier to breathe.

She ran a magnet over all of the metal objects in the house to "de-ionize" them. This was one of those red horseshoe magnets like kids have, and she touched everything from my shovel to my wife's jewelry to the silverware.

The weirdest/dangerous one was I found all our raw meat sitting on the counter. 2-3 lbs of ground meat, some chicken legs and thighs, and some meatballs. I rightfully freaked out a bit and she said she was cleaning it. She was using soapy water to clean all the meat. That was almost 30 dollars worth of food wasted. I lost my temper a bit and yelled, and she dumped the soapy water on the floor and ran to the bathroom. It took my wife all night to coax her out.

I will also add that my SIL is almost 40 years old. I am torn between supporting a family member and being pissed off at a moron.

quote:

I am a voice actress and 99% of my work is for dubbed hentai.

It pays well, it's almost anonymous, and I can make supplemental income by recording personalized messages to perverts online.

I've been doing this for the past few years and it's more lucrative than any job I ever had, but obviously I just tell people I'm a voice actor. If people ask if they've heard my work I'll say something like "oh yeah I'm on the new scooby doo" and that's usually a good smokescreen.

quote:

I have a large breast fetish, the bigger the better. I can still have sex with my wife, who has smallish boobs.

But when I look at porn I look solely at huge jugs. I have started experimenting with animated porn as breasts can defy normal human boundaries at this point. I'd be fine if a woman had boobs as big as the rest of her. That's not the confession.

The confession is I know I have this fetish because I was breast fed until I was 14 years old.

yeah I eat rear end posted:

The idea-stealing confession sounds bad on the surface, but I suspect it's being told from a misleading perspective. Companies use their employee's ideas all the time. It sounds like that kind of thing is part of your job description. What did you expect, that you'd get the millions of dollars because it was your idea? If they aren't giving you any credit at all then yeah it's wrong, but it could be that they do appreciate your idea and will reward you for it in the form of a raise or a promotion in the future. Absolutely bring it up next time you're under review and try to use it to give you leverage for the raise/promotion but beyond that I don't know what you want them to do.

Going to a lawyer would definitely torch your career and it's not even clear if you have a valid case.

Wizzle posted:

Or put it on your resume and find a new job that pays really well and put your new found talent to work for someone else.

shut up blegum posted:

Have sex with your SIL

The Management posted:

Ideas guy: here's how companies work. They pay you money, and you do work that makes money for them. That's what happened here. You do not own your idea, the company does, they paid you to think about it and develop it, and you handed it over to them.

Now maybe you deserve a bonus, raise, promotion, pat on the back for doing a great job and going above and beyond and making the company a lot of money. If so you need to discuss this and make it happen.

VanSandman posted:

IANAL but many companies have explicit employment documents that say anything you do on company time that benefits (or could benefit it, in the case of inventions) the company is the owner of said work, no questions asked.

shut up blegum posted:

Have sex with your SIL

shut up blegum posted:

Have sex with your SIL

monkeytennis posted:

This this this. Persuade your wife to open up the relationship (see: relationship thread) then smash the SiL's back doors in.

alpaca diseases posted:

Going by precedent wouldn't this most likely result in the wife and SiL getting it on, while husbandgoon wallows on fetlife?

The Management posted:

Ideas guy: here's how companies work. They pay you money, and you do work that makes money for them. That's what happened here. You do not own your idea, the company does, they paid you to think about it and develop it, and you handed it over to them.

Now maybe you deserve a bonus, raise, promotion, pat on the back for doing a great job and going above and beyond and making the company a lot of money. If so you need to discuss this and make it happen.

alpaca diseases posted:

Going by precedent wouldn't this most likely result in the wife and SiL getting it on, while husbandgoon wallows on fetlife?

quote:

I am terrified of the movie ghostbusters and still cannot watch it as a grown man. I do not understand why this is a "beloved" film and would love for someone to prove they've watched it without closing their eyes or skipping through the frightening parts (which is about 75% of the movie by my estimation).

As a child I could not make it past the library ghost at the beginning. I eventually was able to watch that part if my SO held my hand and I closed my eyes during the really intense part.

Then the dog shows up in the fridge and I have to stop watching. I have never seen the ending, but images of the angry marshmallow man are loving terrifying to me as well, not to mention the red eyed demon woman, Sigourney Weaver possessed and floating, the green ghoul Slimer, and the creepy as hell music in a bunch of scenes. I saw a clip with Slimer and his hellish scream is still embedded in my brain and sometimes I hear it when I'm trying to fall asleep. I saw that clip 4 years ago.

I really doubt anyone enjoyed this as a kid, and I think most people "ironically" like this. I'm a bit of a wimp but I can't imagine anyone under the age of 18 even DARING to watch this movie, let alone enjoying it.

I have also tried Ghostbusters II and it's not happening, the weird dramatic music at the beginning already scares me and a loving baby carriage being moved by ghosts is more frightening than anything I saw in the first one. I also tried the cartoon show as a kind of "primer" and that's even worse - the ghost designs are grotesque and put me on edge and the voice of Garfield being in it just reminds me of another "beloved" child's entertainment that's just a loving murder and ghoul and ghost fest.

Before anyone jokes about me being a complete puss, my favorite movie of all time is Avengers: Age of Ultron, so I can handle some pretty f'd up, intense stuff.

quote:

So im on mobile,  so id like to apologise for that.
Im bi and in an open relationship with my gf, i hook up with guys anon to suck them off,  i love it and she loves to hear about it. This isnt really what this story is about.
Around 6 months ago i hooked up with a guy who happened to be someone who works for the same company i do,  after one meeting where i sucked him off cause we were both into it,  he even wanted to finger my rear end and stuff,  we decided to break it off cause he was getting cold feet and feeling weird about the fact we work together.
Now since then he hasnt spoken to me at work at all and thats fine,  we didnt speak before either due to being in different departments  but its become  a problem in the past week....  He now works in the same room as me and does the same job,  so now i get to spend my entire workday ignoring this dude who knows I'm a total man slut and i know hes a closet fag.  Its becoming a bit of a problem as im currently considered defacto trainer in my  current role and hes being told to ask me for help but he isnt doing it cause hes ashamed.

quote:

I hereby challenge God Chi goon to a God Chi slapfight. Roof of the tallest building in South Africa, 7 days from now.

quote:

already written off over $100 million because of it. My confession is regarding the test screening, which I attended.

There are several major differences between the film being released tomorrow and the film we envisioned.

In the first version, the monster was so terrifying to children that it's first appearance led to constant screams, crying, several kids running out of the theater, and one child defecating on his mother's lap, which she thankfully noted on her comment card. He was basically a combination of a shark, ET, a squid, and a skull. My personal belief is that the cheap CGI turned him from "cool badass/scary" to "nightmare fuel" for kids.

There were also quite a few deaths in the original film which we cut for the same reason. The general plot is Rob Lowe is an evil oil baron, he's digging for oil and hits a nest of these monsters, they get out, and one hides in a kid's truck. The big climax was Rob Lowe steals the monster truck, the kid and the remaining monsters come to save him. There was a big action scene where the monsters break in to Rob Lowe's office tower and fight with the security guards. There's about a half dozen guys who obviously get killed in bloodless ways. Eaten in one gulp, squished under a chubby monster's butt, dissolved by an acid slime monster, pulled apart by conjoined twin monsters, etc.

We also got comments that these monsters were too scary, and I also think it's a CGI issue. We based all of them on classic monsters from the 80s and 90s- The Thing, that leech man from the X-Files, the Cryptkeeper, the Tar Man from Return of the Living Dead.... lots of cool nostalgic stuff and the designers worked hard.

Rob Lowe, since he has been a full out bad guy, gets his comeuppance by the monster truck. The monster truck crushes him in his tentacles, you see him start to be enveloped and hear some bones crunching as he screams, and the scene ends with one of Rob Lowe's eyes popping out of his skull and plopping in his martini glass. There was no blood at all, though.

At that point in the movie only about 1/10 of the kids were still watching the film, and those kids then freaked out at this scene. More comment cards with phrases like "scarred my child", "grossly inappropriate" and "violent for no reason". A few kids refused to leave the theater for fear their parents' cars would turn in to monsters.

I really wish this version of the movie came out because I think kids would really like it, although slightly older (10-12) instead of the 4-10 range the studio wants. I also think 20 and 30 somethings would go see it for the nostalgia factor from movies like Critters, Gremlins, Ghoulies, etc. Oh well. The new version is the same basic plot but the monsters are all much more rounded and cute, there's no big office building fight, and Rob Lowe just gets beat up, not killed.

quote:

I am terrified of the movie ghostbusters and still cannot watch it as a grown man. I do not understand why this is a "beloved" film and would love for someone to prove they've watched it without closing their eyes or skipping through the frightening parts (which is about 75% of the movie by my estimation).

Panfilo posted:

Wouldn't a kid that was breastfed at an embarrassingly long time be less likely to sexualize breasts? I figure they'd associate them with their mom or something.

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

bolded the important part