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Panic! at Nabisco
Jun 6, 2007

it seemed like a good idea at the time

Johnny Aztec posted:

Anyone here care to explain what the heck I'Cie and Fal'cie are in FF13?
Fa'cie are giant machine demigods. L'Cie are the poor schmucks they give magic powers to, who have to do their bidding or else turn into a horrible monster. If they do successfully complete their mission they get turned into rocks instead.

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Inge
Jan 16, 2007
SERIOUSLY THATS DISGUSTING I'M TRYING TO EAT

FeralWraith posted:

Don't worry, I already did. Got Mog's cliff-jumping SSB. Happy Didn't-Waste-Your-Mythril!

If I pull this, mog is never leaving my team I don't care if it's not optimal

Dr Pepper
Feb 4, 2012

Don't like it? well...

Panic! at Nabisco posted:

Fa'cie are giant machine demigods. L'Cie are the poor schmucks they give magic powers to, who have to do their bidding or else turn into a horrible monster. If they do successfully complete their mission they get turned into rocks instead.

Don't forget how one part of the world had all the people living in it wiped out because the Fa'cie kept giving them all random pointless tasks until they were all either monsters or rocks.

The gods are kind of dumb in the FFXIII-verse.

Grizzled Patriarch
Mar 27, 2014

These dentures won't stop me from tearing out jugulars in Thunderdome.



Look they are just stressed out and trying to build a really, really big zen garden.

Nihilarian
Oct 2, 2013


Johnny Aztec posted:

Anyone here care to explain what the heck I'Cie and Fal'cie are in FF13?
idiots who got too close to robogods and are now hosed, being slightly less hosed if they do what the robogod asks, and robogods who are being robodicks because they think if they gently caress enough humans capital G God will come back to them. I think. I didn't finish ff13.

Inge
Jan 16, 2007
SERIOUSLY THATS DISGUSTING I'M TRYING TO EAT
My understanding:

Two Australian statues come to life and ruin everything for everyone, annoying both humankind and god, as is befitting for Australians.

Everyone has a poo poo time and lots of people dies, then the aussies are like "lol bye" and turn into a planetary load bearing pillar.

Fin

Johnny Aztec
Jan 30, 2005

by Hand Knit
Oh. I see. Thank you for that.

Sounds like FF8 has the more coherent story of the 2.

pichupal
Mar 23, 2013

Poochy ain't Stupid.
I might be.


I hope Swimsuit WoL wins the costume vote in Japan.

I like Onion Knight, Hope and Aerith's picks too.

pichupal fucked around with this message at 07:28 on Jan 14, 2017

Chevy Slyme
May 2, 2004

We're Gonna Run.

We're Gonna Crawl.

Kick Down Every Wall.
Those are just removed enough from the originals that I can't quite tell who's who aside from obvious ones like Cloud and Lightning.

Varance
Oct 28, 2004

Ladies, hide your footwear!
Nap Ghost
FF13 in a brief, oversimplified and probably wrong in key areas summary:

In the FNC mythos, there exist two main realms, the seen/living and unseeen/dead realms. In-between the two is a realm called Valhalla, which serves as a gate between the two other realms. Valhalla is filled with a dark, corrupting energy called chaos that can bend time, reshape the world, raw entropy, etc..

The god Bhunivelze wanted to gain full control over the realm of the living, so he banishes his mother, the goddess Mwynn, to the realm of the dead by killing her. Using chaos from the trip across Valhalla to the unseen realm, Mommy floods a little bit of chaos into the realm of the living, establishing the cycle of life and death and preventing Bhunivelze from truly gaining full control through giving living creatures free will. Bhunivelze wants to force open the gate between the seen/unseen realms to kill mommy dearest permanently and merge all of the realms, releasing everyone's souls from the cycle and allowing him to make a new realm without chaos influence, in the image of his choice. To help him with this task, he creates 3 biomechanical demigods (fal'Cie) to help him: Pulse, Etro and Lindzei. The former and the latter fal'Cie have magical powers that could be used to create lesser fal'Cie to assist in this task, who in turn are middle managers for Pulse Industries and Lindzeicorp. fal'Cie can conscript other creations do their bidding, imbuing them with powers in the process and effectively putting a bomb collar around their neck to keep them in check (l'Cie). Pulse's goal is to try to pry the gate open by nurturing souls "powerful" enough, referred to as Agito in Type-0, which would pry the game open as they pass through to the realm of the dead upon death. Lindzei's goal is to try to flood the gate with so many souls that the wave effectively breaks the gate down. Bhunivelze crystallizes himself and waits for the good word from his kids, while Pulse and Lindzei engage in a challenge pissing contest to see who can lay claim to breaking down the gate.

Etro is crafted in the likeness of mommy dearest, and is shunned and not given any powers of her own as a result. Etro commits suicide out of loneliness and ends up stuck in the gate, where she meets her grandmother right before she is overtaken by chaos. Etro decides to take up grandma's mantle and screw over her father and brothers by harnessing chaos to protect the gate. Lindzei decides to create what would become humans from Etro's dead body, because why waste a dead goddess's body? Bad move on Lindzei's part, as that means all humans are part of Etro's being by virtue of being made from her timeline, and she can manipulate them by imbuing herself with time-altering chaos and using that link as a conduit to send the chaos down the line. The first human created was Yeul, made in the image of her dead "mother." Mwynn, Etro and Yeul are all identical in appearance, so some of the Yeuls you see in the 13-2 story are actually Etro or Mwynn. Caius was #2, and has an Adam/Eve relationship with Yeul. To counter her brothers' efforts, Etro sends Yeul a special chaos present, known as Etro's gift, that allows her to see the timeline and screw with events in general to prevent calamity, while also dying and being reborn at an increased rate due to the shock of chaos whenever something big changes in the timeline. At the same time, the process also imbues all other human souls with chaos, without the cool time powers and a much slower rate of death. To prevent Pulse and Lindzei from just killing Yeul over and over, Etro links Caius's heart with her own, effectively turning him into an Etro l'Cie with immortality and allows him to harness all of Etro's chaos to do things like turn into Bahamut as a means to protect Yeul in every part of the timeline. The two fall into a "50 First Dates" sort of love, and Caius eventually goes mad from having to watch Yeul die over, and over, and over.

Prior to the events of FF13, Pulse and Lindzei have this grand idea of trying both gate-opening tactics at the same time with a great war that creates strong Agito heroes and wipes out both Gran Pulse and Cocoon. Vanille and Fang are Agito-grade l'Cie and were tasked with bringing down Cocoon, which would have sent a pair of powerful Agito and a couple million souls at the gate all at the same time - yeah, it wouldn't stand up to that. Etro intervened by sending Vanille and Fang a shot of chaos, purposely causing them to fail by corrupting their l'Cie status, which is why they have a "scarred brand."

Throughout the course of FF13, Lightning & Co slowly become Agito while trying to figure out that the Pulse fal'Cie Anima really wants them to finish the job and genocide all of Cocoon (with the Lindzei fal'Cie Barthandelus intentionally screwing with them because of the whole Vanille/Fang corrupted brand problem). Etro intervenes at the end of the game to stop a Cocoon holocaust by keeping the 13 crew alive and empowering Vanille and Fang to form the crystal pillar to prevent Cocoon from falling, averting a gate breach in the process. Becoming heavily corrupted by chaos in the process, Etro decides to yank Lightning, one of the most powerful Agito ever, out of the timeline to help her protect the gate in Valhalla as an insurance policy of sorts.

Fast-forward to FF13-2. Pulse and Lindzei gave up on the 13 world after the Pulse/Cocoon war and created the Type-0 world to try out new gate-breaking tactics like glorifying thousands to summon eidolons through the gate to kill hundreds of thousands more. Meanwhile, the 13 world fal'Cie fail, leaving humans on their own when they previously relied on fal'Cie for things like food, water, fertile soil and whatnot. Humans in the 13 world die out from neglect, leaving behind only Noel, Caius and Yeul (Noel being yet another Agito). Yeul dies, and being the last female, cannot be reborn. Caius loses his poo poo and decides to kill Etro as revenge for giving Yeul such a lovely fate and constantly depriving him of a lovelife. Caius shows up in Valhalla, and immediately whips out Bahamut to kill Etro. Etro saw this coming, which is the other reason she kept Lightning around. With the corruption taking a massive toll on her, Etro uses the last of her powers to give Serah (Lightning's sister) a healthy dose of Etro's gift to defeat Caius before he gets to Valhalla and steals Noel from the timeline to protect her (same as Yeul/Caius). Serah and Noel defeat Caius, but he has a moment of brilliance and kills himself, which also kills Etro by proxy. The timeline change of Caius's death causes the gift to kill Serah, but without Etro, new humans can no longer be born and Serah gets permadeath instead of rebirth. Caius hopping over to the other side as such a powerful Agito, by virtue of having lived the entire timeline, completely destroys the gate when he comes through. Life/death stops, chaos spreads everywhere and starts corrupting all the things. Too bad Pulse and Lindzei are too busy playing with the Type-0 world to notice. Lightning decides to take a nap with her sister's soul, holding out hope that her friends will figure out a way to reverse the timeline damage and bring Etro back, so that Serah can be reborn.

Meanwhile, the events of Type-0 happen. Lindzei and Pulse get tired of playing with that world and allow their scientific research loop to break. They decide to check in on the 13 world and... well, crap, the world is about to be consumed wholly by chaos. We should probably wake daddy.

Lindzei and Pulse get Bhunivelze up to speed on the events that happened while he was doing his best Noctis impression. He stumbles upon Lightning's crystal, and comes up with a diabolical scheme to trick her into "saving" the remaining souls and transplant them into his new chaos-free world that he controls by using Hope as a puppet and her sister's life as a carrot on a stick. As a further precaution, Bhunivelze rips Lightnings's emotions out of her to ensure compliance and stuffs them within a soulless creation called Lumina... but mixed with those emotions is Serah's soul and a bunch of chaos. As a result, Lumina is effectively a younger version of Lightning and serves as her moral compass throughout the story. Special emphasis is placed on saving the powerful souls of the Agito that are still kicking around (Fang, Vanille, Noel, Caius [yeah, he survived], etc.). Once Lightning saves everyone's souls, Bhunivelze comes around and absorbs them all. Bhunivelze also finds Serah's soul hidden inside Lumina, and steals that as well. He then tells Lightning that Lumina's interference in her task has effectively poisoned the souls, so he's going to destroy his new world, re-seal Chaos in Valhalla, strip the souls of the corruption (effectively wiping everyone from existence instead of saving them) and starting over in the current world by using the purified souls as construction material. "Oh, by the way Lightning, I'm going to inhabit your body, and you will also be destroyed." Lightning disagrees, and decides to kill God (who now wields Lindzei and Pulse as literal weapons against Lightning). Given that she's goddess-tier powerful now, Lightning manages to wound Bhunivelze and release the entire cast. Serah's soul returns to Lumina, who then has a heart-to-heart with Lightning about who she really is. Lumina and Lightning merge, making her whole again. Lightning decides that she's going to permanently take Etro's place, kill God, seal the chaos in the old realms, and act as the gatekeeper between the old and new. All the Agito reunite to blast the poo poo out of Bhunivelze, after which they all head to the new world. Caius reveals that he cannot go, since he's basically super-corrupted by Etro chaos from the heart incident, and offers to become the gatekeeper in Lightning's stead (this also means he gets to hang out with all of his waifus from throughout time). Lightning agrees, and everyone (including the last Yeul that Noel knows) heads off to the new world to start over without Gods interfering in everyday life - she killed them all.


Yep, that ought to do it.

Varance fucked around with this message at 08:37 on Jan 14, 2017

Snazzy Frocks
Mar 31, 2003

Scratchmo
thank you for that since i never wanted to play ffxiii anyways

Servaetes
Sep 10, 2003

False enemy or true friend?
All I know is Barthandelus is an increasingly obnoxious fight in FFRK, this stupid rear end Megatron from Michael Bay Transformer face having motherfucker that hits entirely too hard and resists like every element I have on hand

also the names of his adds or his shoulder pads or ??????? have quite possibly the stupidest names I've ever seen

Thanatosian Smile is a cool name for an ability though

Servaetes fucked around with this message at 09:04 on Jan 14, 2017

Attestant
Oct 23, 2012

Don't judge me.
The plot of XIII's reals like the D&D campaigns that I wrote when I was like 13. Far too complex for their own good, and entirely too obsessed on being EPIC in scale.

Panic! at Nabisco
Jun 6, 2007

it seemed like a good idea at the time

Servaetes posted:

also the names of his adds or his shoulder pads or ??????? have quite possibly the stupidest names I've ever seen
Pauldrons and ailettes are actual names of armor pieces that go on your shoulders

Servaetes
Sep 10, 2003

False enemy or true friend?
well yeah i got pauldrons but ailette sounded made up, sorry i don't wear suits of armor like some braggarts in here, dick :mad:

YoshiOfYellow
Aug 21, 2015

Voted #1 Babysitter in Mushroom Kingdom

Servaetes posted:

All I know is Barthandelus is an increasingly obnoxious fight in FFRK, this stupid rear end Megatron from Michael Bay Transformer face having motherfucker that hits entirely too hard and resists like every element I have on hand

also the names of his adds or his shoulder pads or ??????? have quite possibly the stupidest names I've ever seen

Thanatosian Smile is a cool name for an ability though

Good news, he's equally as obnoxious in his home game. The Bart fight at the end of Gran Pulse is a big roadblock for a huge amount of people.

Beasteh
Feb 12, 2012

I'M QUESTIONING MY EXISTENCE AND THIS IDIOT JUST WANTS TO PEE OFF A WALL

Wow the XIII series plot manages to somehow sound even dumber than VIII's, a game where amnesiac orphans fight a spooky time witch and hot dogs are a precious resource

Beasteh fucked around with this message at 13:37 on Jan 14, 2017

KataraniSword
Apr 22, 2008

but at least I don't have
a MLP or MSPA avatar.
I am my own man.

Beasteh posted:

Wow the XIII series plot manages to somehow sound even dumber than VIII's, a game where amnesiac orphans fight a spooky time witch and hot dogs are a precious resource

Not even VIII was designed from the cutscenes back. Sure, they had a few, but they basically tried to have a story, it was just a bad one. But 13 was always about Motomu Toriyama's Waifu, Lightning McQueen, and How Pretty And Awesome She Is.

XIII, they just made a bunch of cutscenes with Lightning flipping around and being badass, added in cutscenes of Snow being an idiot, Sazh being a stereotype, Hope being whiny, Fang and Vanille being lesbian Australians, and Raines being named Cid, and then suddenly they realized they forgot to actually attach these cutscenes to the gameplay (such as it is) in any meaningful manner. So basically what you're staring at is less "a story" and more "about seven metric tons of narrative duct tape", enough so that it filled up two extra games worth of cutscenes after 13 alone turned into such a trainwreck.

To this day, I believe that the reason everyone shits on 13 for its hyperlinearity is because they've blocked out how godawful the writing is.

Attestant
Oct 23, 2012

Don't judge me.
I actually has a friend who likes to defend FF13, because despite being so linear and tutorial heavy, it has a good story.

Macdeo Lurjtux
Jul 5, 2011

BRRREADSTOOORRM!
Another point would be that the mythology is so convoluted because it was meant to serve as a backbone for a number of games. Bonita was in love with his KH ideas and sold the SE board on doing the same for Final Fantasy.

Uncle Ulty
Dec 12, 2006

Represent.
Things were so much simpler when a crazy clown wanted to destroy the world.

Geocities Homepage King
Nov 26, 2007

I have good news, and I have bad news.
Which do you want to hear first...?

Uncle Ulty posted:

Things were so much simpler when a crazy clown wanted to destroy the world.

I preferred the time a crazy tree wanted to destroy the world.

Benthalus
Jul 5, 2002

Geocities Homepage King posted:

I preferred the time a crazy tree wanted to destroy the world.

The best was when a mooninite wanted to destroy the world.

Chevy Slyme
May 2, 2004

We're Gonna Run.

We're Gonna Crawl.

Kick Down Every Wall.
https://youtu.be/pWxBCSMDSoM

:stare:

~3.6 total multiplier AoE shared SB. 50% chance to confuse. (Well, I'll say...)

U-DO Burger
Nov 12, 2007




I like the story of Garland maintaining a 2000 year time loop where after you murder him in present, the fiends send his corpse back in time, which somehow revives him. And when you kill him again and break the time loop, he is somehow alive and waiting for you in the present

Chillgamesh
Jul 29, 2014

Benthalus posted:

The best was when a mooninite wanted to destroy the world.

I just started attempting to play through FF4 again, I'm pretty sure if I manage to get to a Golbez battle before getting bored I'm going to mute the in-game music and play Rock You Like A Hurricane over it instead.

Zonko_T.M.
Jul 1, 2007

I'm not here to fuck spiders!

I liked it better when a flamboyant monkey wanted to destroy the world. Actually, the concept of the 'Gate' and the passage of souls is a bit like the plot in 9, where Garland was trying to basically steal all of the souljuice from Gaia to rejuvenate Terra. Except hideously more complicated and dumb.

Varance posted:

FF13 in a brief, oversimplified and probably wrong in key areas summary:
:words:
Yep, that ought to do it.
I just want to chime in and say that, as far as I know, if you play the games, almost none of this junk about Bunnyhellraiser and Mwynn and so on seems to come up until the sequels, and even then it is clear as mud. It's all in the datalogs!
Is there some sort of video game post-mortem analysis of the 13 series? I find it fascinating how so much effort clearly went into it and it ended up so janky.

Also MP Bart is kicking my butt in the last 25% of his health, and I can't even begin to keep up with Ult+ Lightning's damage output. I don't have any healer BSBs, any tips on shutting down Lighting's DPS?

Chillgamesh
Jul 29, 2014

Zonko_T.M. posted:

Also MP Bart is kicking my butt in the last 25% of his health, and I can't even begin to keep up with Ult+ Lightning's damage output. I don't have any healer BSBs, any tips on shutting down Lighting's DPS?

I have ridiculous FF13 synergy and I couldn't keep up with her damage at all, even with Vanille's BSB natively it's not enough. Just RW a wall and get haste/boost from somewhere else, even if you have to manually cast it it's still going to be better than taking insane damage constantly from Crushing Blow.

For Bart, bring instant death resist gear. Try and look for parties with stuff like Celes or Exdeath for Grand Cross/Runic, and Vaan for his BSB. Coupling that with healing BSBs is the easiest way to beat him.

Zonko_T.M.
Jul 1, 2007

I'm not here to fuck spiders!

I've got native shout and I RWed wall, and she's still just smashing my face in. I don't get it- I had no problem handling Bart from the FFV event, but Lightning is just putting out damage too quickly for me to cope.
I forgot about the instant death=health% thing! I'll try that. Thanks!

U-DO Burger
Nov 12, 2007




Zonko_T.M. posted:

Also MP Bart is kicking my butt in the last 25% of his health, and I can't even begin to keep up with Ult+ Lightning's damage output. I don't have any healer BSBs, any tips on shutting down Lighting's DPS?

Have someone equip lightning resistance and use Gaia Cross/Draw Fire and Magic Lure. Ideally you would want this person to have a good SB and the Knight's Charge RM so that they can contribute more to dealing damage. This should take care of her single target attacks. The rest of your party should equip ice resistance.

Aside from this use the standard procedure for high level bosses (medica SBs, Boostgas/Faithgas, Breakdowns, etc.). She's still got insane dps though

Chevy Slyme
May 2, 2004

We're Gonna Run.

We're Gonna Crawl.

Kick Down Every Wall.

U-DO Burger posted:

Have someone equip lightning resistance and use Gaia Cross/Draw Fire and Magic Lure. Ideally you would want this person to have a good SB and the Knight's Charge RM so that they can contribute more to dealing damage. This should take care of her single target attacks. The rest of your party should equip ice resistance.

Aside from this use the standard procedure for high level bosses (medica SBs, Boostgas/Faithgas, Breakdowns, etc.). She's still got insane dps though

If you're running a draw fire setup against a multi-attacker like Lightning, Lionheart will generate vastly more SB gauge than Knights Charge. In general, Knights Charge isn't worth your time. It tries to be both ace striker and lionheart and fails at both.

ETB
Nov 8, 2009

Yeah, I'm that guy.

CaptainPsyko posted:

https://youtu.be/pWxBCSMDSoM

:stare:

~3.6 total multiplier AoE shared SB. 50% chance to confuse. (Well, I'll say...)

I got excited for a Mog OSB for some reason, and I severely disappointed.

Thundercracker
Jun 25, 2004

Proudly serving the Ruinous Powers since as a veteran of the long war.
College Slice
Whoever said Apocalypse Bart was easier single player is right. His most crushing phase is mostly scripted, which means we'll timed mitigation is key. Good luck getting that in MP.

Zurai
Feb 13, 2012


Wait -- I haven't even voted in this game yet!

CaptainPsyko posted:

https://youtu.be/pWxBCSMDSoM

:stare:

~3.6 total multiplier AoE shared SB. 50% chance to confuse. (Well, I'll say...)

It's actually 97% chance to confuse (50% chance per hit), I believe.

Chevy Slyme
May 2, 2004

We're Gonna Run.

We're Gonna Crawl.

Kick Down Every Wall.

Zurai posted:

It's actually 97% chance to confuse (50% chance per hit), I believe.

And in the game!

Kanos
Sep 6, 2006

was there a time when speedwagon didn't get trolled

Thundercracker posted:

Whoever said Apocalypse Bart was easier single player is right. His most crushing phase is mostly scripted, which means we'll timed mitigation is key. Good luck getting that in MP.

You don't really need well timed mitigation if you just stat break the poo poo out of him. His dispel doesn't affect things that are on him so if you stack up a couple of Full Break/Cleansing Strike/Magic Breakdown/Hyper Break/Vaan BSB/whatever it will bring the big whammy ruinga down to manageable levels even if you completely fail to get any mitigation up after the dispel.

Zonko_T.M.
Jul 1, 2007

I'm not here to fuck spiders!

U-DO Burger posted:

Have someone equip lightning resistance and use Gaia Cross/Draw Fire and Magic Lure. Ideally you would want this person to have a good SB and the Knight's Charge RM so that they can contribute more to dealing damage. This should take care of her single target attacks. The rest of your party should equip ice resistance.

Aside from this use the standard procedure for high level bosses (medica SBs, Boostgas/Faithgas, Breakdowns, etc.). She's still got insane dps though

This and giving Arc Mako Might instead of Knights charge carried me through the initial beat down and from there it was smooth sailing. Thanks!

Thundercracker
Jun 25, 2004

Proudly serving the Ruinous Powers since as a veteran of the long war.
College Slice
So who's going to be the ultimate mp for IX?

Chevy Slyme
May 2, 2004

We're Gonna Run.

We're Gonna Crawl.

Kick Down Every Wall.

Kanos posted:

You don't really need well timed mitigation if you just stat break the poo poo out of him. His dispel doesn't affect things that are on him so if you stack up a couple of Full Break/Cleansing Strike/Magic Breakdown/Hyper Break/Vaan BSB/whatever it will bring the big whammy ruinga down to manageable levels even if you completely fail to get any mitigation up after the dispel.

Alternately, for some reason, his dispel doesn't clear Y'shtola's BSB bubbles, so rather than trying to get real precious about landing the wall refresh exactly after the dispel, hitting the BSB instead and maybe having it land a second too early is okay (so long as you've got SB gauge to follow it up with a wall recast right after.) Fortunately, damage incoming in P1 of the fight is trivial, so it's easy to spend some time spamming Wrath.

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Kawalimus
Jan 17, 2008

Better Living Through Birding And Pessimism

Thundercracker posted:

So who's going to be the ultimate mp for IX?

I think I saw it's supposed to be the three Black Waltzes.

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