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WampaLord
Jan 14, 2010

It's amazing how much poo poo people will put up with just to not be single.

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Barudak
May 7, 2007

Hey Buddy this one is really easy. You clearly resent this woman and, luckily, havenet married her yet. It sounds like youre gainfully employed and i know youre getting older but trust me she aint the one. People dont really change unless something dramatic happens and unfortunately the only dramatic thing in her life is you dumping her.

Hell, if this thread is anything to go by you could probably pretend to be different Jim Carrey characters to multiple women half your age at the same time and none of them would be the wiser or have any thought of leaving you.

Mirthless
Mar 27, 2011

by the sex ghost

Dienes posted:

Weren't we all just saying a few pages back how the guy upset that his girlfriend had sexual partners before him should get over it? How is this any different?

I think its ridiculous to be so insecure that you demand any and all mementos from a previous relationship be destroyed because you are in a new one, be it a sex tape, photos, a gift, etc. It doesn't necessarily mean you are hung up on that person or pining for that relationship.

You might keep a tape for vanity reasons, sure. (And that is perfectly fine.) Or out of sentimentality. Or because its exactly the stuff you're into.

While revenge porn is a thing, I don't think we can say how prevalent it is. Its not like we hear about all the sex tapes that aren't used for revenge.

There's a difference between accepting that your partner has had sexual experiences before you, and seeing your partner have those sexual experiences

Esp. if those sexual experiences are clearly better than the ones they're having with you, like in the case of that lady whose husband found her sex tape. How is he ever supposed to move past that? The thing with past-partners insecurity is that it's completely unreal, the insecurities are based off of imagined scenarios and notions of inadequacy. Show them an old sex tape and it's not imaginary anymore. In the case of that lady's husband, he had a pretty drat good reason to be insecure after that.

Just get rid of the sex tapes. There's no reason to keep them.

Tiny Deer
Jan 16, 2012

Who watches other people's sex tapes?!

Remember back when we all made fun of the creepy incel who stole his roommate's sex tape? In my opinion you're just as loving weird to watch a sex tape your partner made before they were with you because, uh, a) they didn't give you permission and b) the other person didn't give you permission.

I have no idea why people make sex tapes in the first place but I think if those people could have somehow found a way to not watch a thing they wouldn't be plagued with insecurity and intimate knowledge of how bad they are at sex.

Like if you seek out something that will hurt you and then sit through ten to twenty minutes of it before blaming someone else for your hurt feelings you're the idiot, sorry.

minivanmegafun
Jul 27, 2004

Expecting your partner to purge every single speck of their past romantic relationships is getting pretty close to "I expect my partner to be a virgin" territory.

WampaLord
Jan 14, 2010

Mirthless posted:

Just get rid never make the sex tapes. There's no reason to keep make them.

Fixed. Why create something that can lead to so much poo poo?

Just remember having sex, weirdos.

DragQueenofAngmar
Dec 29, 2009

You shall not pass!
Let's just agree that humanity is a race of doomed fools and our romantic endeavors, like all our pursuits and goals, will end in tears

Mirthless
Mar 27, 2011

by the sex ghost

Tiny Deer posted:

Who watches other people's sex tapes?!

Remember back when we all made fun of the creepy incel who stole his roommate's sex tape? In my opinion you're just as loving weird to watch a sex tape your partner made before they were with you because, uh, a) they didn't give you permission and b) the other person didn't give you permission.

I have no idea why people make sex tapes in the first place but I think if those people could have somehow found a way to not watch a thing they wouldn't be plagued with insecurity and intimate knowledge of how bad they are at sex.

Like if you seek out something that will hurt you and then sit through ten to twenty minutes of it before blaming someone else for your hurt feelings you're the idiot, sorry.

Who keeps records of old sexual experiences around for their partners to find when they're in a committed relationship that's lasted for years? And lol, how do you compare a relationship with a long term partner to your creepy roommate that rifles your poo poo? And why should your partner need the permission of the person you used to gently caress to watch a video file on a computer in their house that they share with you? The whole idea is bizarre. You're putting your personal priorities AND the personal priorities of somebody no longer involved in your relationship over the priorities and feelings of your partner, who lives with you. Regardless if they "shouldn't have been snooping", it's still inconsiderate.

If you're that invested in your privacy you should probably just not get married. Or cohabitate. There's going to be a lot more severe breaches than them opening video files in your My Documents folder. Everybody snoops, you've done it and probably not even been conscious of it. It's all degrees, of course, but your expectations on privacy should reasonably shift when you get into a relationship with somebody, esp. if you are living with them. The further you are integrated together into a relationship the more gray the area of your stuff/my stuff becomes and the less you can really blame them for finding something they shouldn't. Couple that's been married for years? Not really their fault they found the sex tape.

minivanmegafun posted:

Expecting your partner to purge every single speck of their past romantic relationships is getting pretty close to "I expect my partner to be a virgin" territory.

"This is a tape of my ex-boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/wife loving me better than you ever have" is not "a single speck" of their past romantic relationships

Mirthless fucked around with this message at 17:33 on Jan 16, 2017

Lunchmeat Larry
Nov 3, 2012

minivanmegafun posted:

Expecting your partner to purge every single speck of their past romantic relationships is getting pretty close to "I expect my partner to be a virgin" territory.
yeah it's just one of those things. a couple of old photos here, a signed present there, a specially-commissioned two-hour professionally-produced tantric fuckfest DVD there

WampaLord
Jan 14, 2010

Mirthless posted:

And why should your partner need the permission of the person you used to gently caress to watch a video file on a computer in their house that they share with you?

This line is pretty telling towards your ideas about privacy. Should partners know each other passwords as well?

"Hey honey just gonna go through your private videos on your own computer and start watching poo poo!"

Mirthless
Mar 27, 2011

by the sex ghost

WampaLord posted:

This line is pretty telling towards your ideas about privacy. Should partners know each other passwords as well?

"Hey honey just gonna go through your private videos on your own computer and start watching poo poo!"

I didn't say it wasn't a violation of their partner's privacy

I just said that including your ex in the chain of people who get to be offended is not really what you should be doing, considering that they are not your partner and you are presumably not in the home you share with them anymore

edit: Like, I don't loving get this - a lot of you guys value your own personal autonomy and privacy SO MUCH and I get that when you're dating but if you're married to somebody a little of both of those things needs to go out the window if you want it to work because there's two people involved and if one or the other person feels like they're not being respected they're going to just loving leave. "I shouldn't HAVE to do [X]" might be true and you might be right to say it in a traditional friendship or a workplace but sometimes being married to somebody means having to do things you might object to and I'm not talking about sex stuff before anybody even loving goes there. If you have to purge your life of sentimental bullshit from a previous ex because you know it bothers your partner, maybe you should just do it instead of being an rear end in a top hat about it? What impact does it have on you, vs what impact does it have on them?

Mirthless fucked around with this message at 17:41 on Jan 16, 2017

Tiny Deer
Jan 16, 2012

You don't own someone else's body and nudity because they used to date the person you're with. Whether or not you feel entitled to it or it doesn't matter is your own problem, I guess, but it's still a violation of a third party's privacy.

I understand watching thirty seconds or so and going 'oh god I better talk about this with my partner' but watching the thing to completion is weird and self-harming just so you can feel like the wronged one.

Andrast
Apr 21, 2010


Keeping a sex tape about someone you separated with is really loving weird to me. Like what are you going to do with it, masturbate to your ex?

Tiny Deer
Jan 16, 2012

Mirthless posted:

I didn't say it wasn't a violation of their partner's privacy

I just said that including your ex in the chain of people who get to be offended is not really what you should be doing, considering that they are not your partner and you are presumably not in the home you share with them anymore

I'm sorry, but by this logic the sex tape thief did nothing wrong as long as no one finds out what he did. Do you get why that's not the case?

Mirthless
Mar 27, 2011

by the sex ghost

Tiny Deer posted:

I'm sorry, but by this logic the sex tape thief did nothing wrong as long as no one finds out what he did. Do you get why that's not the case?

...In what loving way?

The issue is between two people. The two people in the partnership; The one who saw the video, and the one who kept it. Bringing the ex into this just turns it around on your partner for being upset. It's as much of an argument about emotional infidelity as it is about privacy violation.

Let me give you a tip here, some relationship advice: If you have this fight with your partner, and you bring up the way they violated your ex's privacy in this gently caress tape you kept, don't be surprised when they walk out and never loving talk to you again, lol

Bonzo
Mar 11, 2004

Just like Mama used to make it!
Please. Let's not have sex tape derail.

From /r/LegalAdvise

quote:

I want to preface this first with by no means am I a super responsible person on top of everything financially. However today I received notice I'm being sued by the department of justice for outstanding student loans handed over to them by the department of education. Now I'm currently still a student interning at a hospital for no pay and I haven't made a single payment outside of $20 once just trying to show I know it's there I work part time at a movie theater while during my little free time I study for my registry exams for my certification. I don't know how I'm going to pay for these loans I have especially since just recently I've had a flood in my home losing most my things not having renters insurance and my car breaking down causing all kinds of chaos in my life financially I have nothing. What should I do about this?

And coming soon....

quote:

So I live in Colorado and work in weld county, I was told by my manager I can't be in a relationship with one of my employees since I was just promoted to a manager position. Does anybody have some legal advise as to whether they're allowed to do this or not?

Bonzo fucked around with this message at 17:48 on Jan 16, 2017

Mirthless
Mar 27, 2011

by the sex ghost

Tiny Deer posted:

You don't own someone else's body and nudity because they used to date the person you're with. Whether or not you feel entitled to it or it doesn't matter is your own problem, I guess, but it's still a violation of a third party's privacy.

I understand watching thirty seconds or so and going 'oh god I better talk about this with my partner' but watching the thing to completion is weird and self-harming just so you can feel like the wronged one.

You don't own someone else's emotions and feelings just because you're dating them. They're allowed to feel insecure over something, and you can indeed wrong them by invoking those feelings of insecurity, even if they wronged you first.

You don't have to watch more than 30 seconds of a gently caress tape your partner kept with their old partner to know the trust of your relationship has been violated by you both. Your partner is keeping a sexual memento of a past partner, and it's hard to interpret that as anything other than a desire to maintain that sexual attachment.

Themata
Dec 10, 2011

If you want a pizza this pie
You can crust that
I won't cheese on you
Dance on the groove flour
And I'll give you a disco-unt
You should not make them at all to begin with, because what if you have children, and your children have children who also have children but it stops there because they are childfree, but then they all stumble upon your bignonocoffeebreaksexytimes.wmv still in the recycle bin of your Pentium II and you feel embarrassment from the great beyond? :ghost:

Subjunctive
Sep 12, 2006

✨sparkle and shine✨

Mirthless posted:

You're putting your personal priorities AND the personal priorities of somebody no longer involved in your relationship over the priorities and feelings of your partner, who lives with you.

I think this thread has lots of examples of cases where it is indeed the best course of action to put one's priorities over the priorities and feelings of one's partner. Even if they live with you.

zakharov
Nov 30, 2002

:kimchi: Tater Love :kimchi:
The sex tape that tore this thread apart

I have no idea why anyone would make a sex tape or take naked pictures of themselves so I got no opinion here

I do feel like casually taking and sending nudes became a standard part of flirting at some point while I wasn't paying attention.

Batterypowered7
Aug 8, 2009

The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Ride The Gravitron posted:

Need help still: I [17M] am homeschooled and my parents won't let me have friends. I'm lonely and isolated and just looking for some help.Personal issues

submitted 7 hours ago * by The-Zesty-1

I posted back in August asking for help since I'm a sheltered homeschooled kid who hasn't been allowed to have friends, and I just wanna say thank you for all the help and advice; and I figured I'd give a little update, since I'm still feeling like I need help. I'd say things haven't really gotten any better since that post. Nothing's really changed, I'm still practically friendless, just taking each lonely day as it comes. My mom is still clinging to me since I'm practically taking my dad's place because he's still never around. He and my mom had one of the biggest fights they've ever had on Christmas Eve that I was dragged into and forced to take a side, and it really hurts having to tell both of your parents how you think they've messed up, and dealing with their reactions. They're probably going to split up at some point (probably for the better in my opinion), but still, it's a living hell here. They're going to let me get a job now that the new year started, and hopefully some place will hire me.

I visited the college in Florida I want to go with my mom back in November, and I will end up going there in the fall to major in accounting, so that's pretty exciting. It will be really nice to be hundreds of miles away from home where I can make my own decisions and do what I can to stay away from my family. I'm excited to be able to make friends and have a life, but I'm kinda nervous about the academic part of it. I haven't been in a classroom setting in about a decade, and I'm just concerned whether or not I'll be able to actually do well. I have done my best in my homeschooling curriculum (which has been pretty tough to say the least) in order to do my best to prepare for college, and although I feel like I've been doing my best and will be fine in college, I'm still a bit nervous.

I'm thinking about quitting saxophone even though it's been the only thing I've been this passionate about in a really long time. I just feel like I've hit a wall in my playing and no matter what I do I can't get past it, and the stress from my family (which has skyrocketed recently) has really hit me and can be seen in my playing since I'm not getting any better. I'm still practicing like crazy, but I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. My mom yelled at me when I mentioned possibly giving it up, since apparently I've put in "too many hours of practice just to throw it all away". my family is absolutely sick of hearing me talk about it and listening to me play. It just seems like because I'll never be able to play music as much as I want, not practice enough, and not feel supported, it just feels like a waste of all my time. I love it, but it just feels like a waste since I'm not getting any better, no matter how hard I try.

Other than that, things have been decent. That girl I mentioned I met in my last post hurt me pretty badly; I now only have one friend who's incredibly far away (my mom is actually letting my skype her, which I can't believe); school's been stressful; my mom's cut off most of my ties at church now. I just feel like I have nowhere else to vent. I need some help; all of this has been taking a toll on my mental health too. Suicidal thoughts have been frequent, as well as thoughts telling me to run away or crazy stuff like that. I just still need help.

tl;dr: still feeling under pressure because of homeschooling/sheltering parents, and it's making me want to quit the things I love and mess with my mental health. Just looking for some more help.

I really hope he does well in his classes and makes lots of friends. I wasn't homeschooled, but I did go to a very small private school my entire life, and while making friends was never an issue, the freedom and lack of rigidity that came with college classes led to a pretty abysmal performance my first year.

Barudak
May 7, 2007

Bonzo posted:

And coming soon....

Gonna get fiiiiired.

Mirthless
Mar 27, 2011

by the sex ghost

Subjunctive posted:

I think this thread has lots of examples of cases where it is indeed the best course of action to put one's priorities over the priorities and feelings of one's partner. Even if they live with you.

Yes, you're right, but in this specific example your partner is mad because they found a video of you loving somebody you used to be deeply emotionally involved with, and the best thing you have to say to them is "did you think of X's feelings when you clicked that video?"

It's the dumbest possible way to respond to this situation. That's the answer you give if you are absolutely committed to ending your relationship or divorcing over this violation of your privacy (which, to them, is probably not much worse than them realizing you're still hung up on your sex life with your ex - that kind of answer is basically a confirmation of that, or at least, that's how it's going to come across)

Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)
My girlfriend is really gassy

Basically, she farts a lot... Almost always, like clockwork when she comes home from work, she'll get in the door and let one rip. She farts a lot when she sleeps also

Is it time to leave her?

Mirthless
Mar 27, 2011

by the sex ghost

zakharov posted:

The sex tape that tore this thread apart

I have no idea why anyone would make a sex tape or take naked pictures of themselves so I got no opinion here

I do feel like casually taking and sending nudes became a standard part of flirting at some point while I wasn't paying attention.

everyone has a professional quality digital camera in their pocket

"you've got a great body" turned into "let me show you my dick" really quick

Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)
no dick pics please


only buttholes

Dienes
Nov 4, 2009

dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot


College Slice
Lots of people posting reasons to be mad at their partner for having an old sex tape that could have been cut and pasted from people bitching about their partners watching porn in general.

Lunchmeat Larry
Nov 3, 2012

Zzulu posted:

My girlfriend is really gassy

Basically, she farts a lot... Almost always, like clockwork when she comes home from work, she'll get in the door and let one rip. She farts a lot when she sleeps also

Is it time to leave her?
huff the farts. bottle the farts. smoke the farts. gently caress the farts. suck the farts from her rancid rear end

chumbler
Mar 28, 2010

Zzulu posted:

My girlfriend is really gassy

Basically, she farts a lot... Almost always, like clockwork when she comes home from work, she'll get in the door and let one rip. She farts a lot when she sleeps also

Is it time to leave her?

Nah that's just license to fart more yourself.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
Condition yourself to love the smell of farts by giving yourself a little treat every time someone farts around you.

Zelder
Jan 4, 2012

Dienes posted:

Lots of people posting reasons to be mad at their partner for having an old sex tape that could have been cut and pasted from people bitching about their partners watching porn in general.

let's just split the difference and ask mirthless and tiny deer to stop posting forever

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

Zelder posted:

let's just split the difference and ask mirthless and tiny deer to stop posting forever

wtf tiny deer is great. for shame, zelder. you are normally so good, too :colbert:

Zelder
Jan 4, 2012

I don't like anyone who goes back and forth for pages and pages about inane stuff


Myself included, let's talk about cum

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

quote:

My [22 F] boyfriend [26 M] is terrified of spiders and is demanding that I move my pet tarantula to the basement. I am refusing because the basement is too cold for the animal to survive. We are at a standstill and I need advice on what to do.Relationships
submitted 2 years ago * by throwtarantula

Update here.
The title basically sums it up, but I'll add some more detail. Thank you for reading this!

I [22 F] met my boyfriend [26 M] exactly two years ago. At the time, I had three pet tarantulas: Skittles, Mittens, and Christopher. I don't know how much you all know about tarantulas, but they live in warm environments (specifically the rain forest and desert for my Ts). They also NEVER leave their enclosures for any reason, just like a fish.

A year ago, I moved into the house my boyfriend owns. Originally, the tarantulas were all placed into the basement office. It was summer and the tarantulas were fine.

When winter came, I noticed the basement was unaffected by the central heater. Only one room in the basement has heat, and it isn't the office the Ts were in. In February, Skittles passed away and I moved the remaining two Ts to the upstairs office (to still keep them out of sight).

In October, it started to get cold again. I noticed that the upstairs office was the coldest room on the floor. I researched reptile heating pads, but everything said not to use them for young tarantulas. I put a space heater in the office, but a draft still made the ambient room temperature too low. I tried everything I could, but then Mittens passed away as well.

Left with one tarantula, I moved Christopher to the kitchen/dining room peninsula where it was definitely warm enough. Christopher is in a container smaller than a shoebox in size. My boyfriend immediately demanded that I remove Christopher from the kitchen and put him in the basement. I asked my boyfriend if there was anywhere else the T could go on the upper floor besides the office, and I was told to put him in the basement.

Basically, we got into an argument about this. I explained about the health concerns for the animal, and my boyfriend said he didn't care. I explained to him that whether or not he liked it, the spider was in my care and I was ethically obligated to care for it no matter what. I said that I've had Christopher for four years and that I had the tarantulas BEFORE we started dating. My boyfriend said he would think about it, but Christopher is still on the counter and it's become the elephant in the room.

What should I do?

tl;dr: Had three pet tarantulas, two of them died from the cold. I moved the remaining one to the kitchen for warmth, boyfriend says he's too scared of it. I have to care for this animal no matter what.

Sever, tell boyfriend he is a wiener, continue to use amazing reddit handle "throwtarantula"

Zelder
Jan 4, 2012

yeah asking someone to kill their pets is probably a deal breaker

Dick Valentine
Nov 4, 2009

Zelder posted:

I don't like anyone who goes back and forth for pages and pages about inane stuff


Myself included, let's talk about cum

I've been doing kegel exercises when I jerk off so I can improve the volume and intensity of my loads.

Sisal Two-Step
May 29, 2006

mom without jaw
dad without wife


i'm taking all the Ls now, sorry
i absolutely, unironically, love the names she picked for her tarantulas. save christopher!

Andrast
Apr 21, 2010


Hmm, my girlfriend has pet tarantulas that I'm deathly afraid of, better move together

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
She should keep it somewhere warm and protected

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Improbable Lobster
Jan 6, 2012

"From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.
Buglord

Pick posted:

Sever, tell boyfriend he is a wiener, continue to use amazing reddit handle "throwtarantula"

Tarantulas are great, please be nice to them

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