NomChompsky posted:

Did you ever listen to the F Plus episode about the people who gently caress their cars, and the one guy burnt his dickhole shut and was frantically asking the internet if he could just poke himself a new dickhole or if he had to go to the hospital?

Mirthless posted:

the one guy i ever knew who was into this tried to convince everyone he told about it that they were actually totally into this fetish and they just didn't know it yet, they had to find "their type"

quote:

I've been with my girlfriend for about 3 years now and i think i'm beginning to resent her to the point of wanting to leave her.
I've moved heaven and earth for her and put up with her poo poo which i was happy to do with her to get her out of a bad situation. Now every situation turns into a bad situation.
Soon after we met she moved to a cold country for University. She hated it there but it was the best University for her. After a few months of long distance dating I quit my job, found a new one in her city (much lower paid) and we got an apartment together.
Since she hated the cold, after university we discussed where we'd want to move to and decided Australia. I got a high paying job with 4 year VISA's included and we moved.
She couldn't get a job in Australia (it's hard for foreign graduates) so she found a job in Europe and we moved back to another cold crappy city. She hates her job and the place. I convinced my Australian job to let me work remotely since the pay was much higher than i could get working locally (I work for a very good IT company, better than any company that exists in this city).
She's constantly complained throughout all of this. She'll get depressed because it's raining one day. She misses her family. She misses her friends. She misses her home country. She wants constant hugs and re-assurance.
Her latest bitching is the fact that i "spend all my evenings looking at a screen". Sounds fair enough, but i'm having a meeting with my colleagues in Australia. This takes roughly 1 hour mon - thurs night usually after 11pm. Before that i cook dinner, watch TV with her (we pause every few minutes and chat about it) and talk about our days. She complains (for 10-15 minutes) if i leave a phone charger plugged into the wall if my phone isn't attached.
We haven't had sex in about 6 months. Not just sex either, i mean anything past some smooches and touching with clothes on.
She told me since the very beginning she didn't like PIV much (vaginismus, which magically disappears on holidays) but we used to spend entire days naked together. Touching, kissing, caressing, some oral. It was great! Now it never happens. This week hit a new low - the only time she's come on to me at all was when when i was working. It feels like attention seeking because i'm not speaking to her for 5 minutes ( i try my best to talk to her and work).
We had "the talk" about 3 months ago. I said i would leave when the lease expired if things hadn't changed. I found therapists and psychologists, i found sexual health professionals. I told her i would pay for her to go. Nothing. She said she wanted to work it out with me. But she never wants anything past hugs and kisses. She doesn't masturbate and was raised catholic. I think her attitude towards intimacy is not going to change.
She wants to move back to her home country (Italy) when our lease expires. I don't speak much Italian (i'm trying hard and taking night classes) and i feel like i can't move with her unless we have 6 months of everything being good (no bullshit, sex twice a week).
We're at a fork in the road. Either things get really really serious and i commit everything to her. Or i'm out. At the moment the latter option seems more likely.
TLDR: i'm turning into the father of an angsty teenage girl when i really want to just bang her mom.

quote:

When we met i hadn't dated for years. I was in my early 20's, focused on my career and living with a Romanian pickup artist. Like an animal. He stalked you. We laughed about his other girls but he always complained about you. He could never get you to bed. Nothing worked. He broke it off with you, he didn't have the balls to do it in person.
I remember the first time i met you. You walked into the living room after another failed romancing by my flat-mate and saw me ironing. I was wearing sweat pants and a dirty t-shirt. I jiggled my hips and bounced my rear end to my favourite new band before noticing you staring at me. We caught eyes. You left the apartment.
He lit a cigaret and complained about you. I finished my ironing.
A few days later the three of us went for drinks. We spoke for hours. He sat in silence. An unusual evening for his usual wingman.
You left a necklace in the apartment that day. One week later he still couldn't face you to break it off. I met you instead to return it. I realised i would never see you again. I saw the look of sadness in your eyes. I invited you for a drink. You said no. You took my number and we met for coffee.
3 years and 4 apartments later we've lived everywhere together. London, Scotland, Australia and back to Europe again. I told myself i would never be like him. I told myself i would give you everything. When you couldn't find a job. I told you to pick a country, any country on earth and i would make it work. I made it work every time. We had great apartments, we had plenty of money, i started to learn your native language and we dreamed of moving back to your home in Italy.
But i can't make it work with you. As beautiful, smart, funny and interesting as you are i can't deal with your poo poo anymore. Make a decision! Stop blaming the universe for bad things that happen to you. I won't hold you every night whilst you cry for some bullshit reason you've made up.
Oh no it rained today! Oh no you're not in your home country! - I said we could live anywhere in the world and you chose this poo poo hole. I chose Australia, you failed to make it work so i had to pick up the pieces. Again.
I am not your father. Well... maybe i am. Like your father i blame myself for this. Like your father i tried to be a nice, caring, giving man and like your father i'm getting poo poo on by you. Neither of us deserve your poo poo. At least now he's dead he can be in peace. You treated him like poo poo and then cried now he's dead and you want assurances you did nothing wrong? I won't tell you the truth, that would make me an arsehole...
I asked you for one thing. Your affection. You can't give me that. We haven't had sex in 6 months! I have the same pack of condoms from 2 countries ago! We have traveled to more cities than times i've been inside you. I pleaded with you to fix this. I sought the help of professionals you won't visit.
You're in your 30's! Grow the gently caress up! Ditch that catholic guilt. Even your mom told you that sex is great. If you mother wants you to gently caress more you should take a look at yourself! Try masturbation for once. I'll even forget the lecture you gave me when i told you everyone else does it.
What kind of man am i if i leave you? He warned me about women who don't gently caress. He was right. You are a stuck up bitch with no sense of humour. I wish i could buy him a beer and shoot the poo poo like we used to. That's years ago now. We've all moved on. I lost all my friends when we moved. You don't like pubs. I don't like you.

quote:

My[M/34] wife[F/34] is touching me at inappropriate times.

We dated in highschool from 15-18. After highschool we ended it when we went to different universities, but our Junior year she transferred to a school in the same town as me and we started dating again.

We got married when we were 23, and had our son at 25. I have always been a fairly high sex drive, and while on the pill, hers was lower, but she always got me off when I wanted it. When we were trying for our kid, and she got off the pill, I noticed her sex drive ramped up. It was a fun time, making the baby, and then during pregnancy, where she became incredibly horny.

After our son was born she went back on the pill and her drive went down again. I was fine with it, life and work was making me slow down anyhow.

Skip ahead to last year. We both agreed that one child was enough, so I had a vasectomy, and she went off the pill. I was honestly excited to have my sex crazed wife back.

Over the last 6 months or so, she has found a new fetish. She loves to play with me, my penis and testicles. All the time. If we are sitting on the couch, her hand is in my pants. In bed we sleep nude and she is constantly touching(Which is nice and always leads to sex, we have more now than we ever did).

The problem comes from she can't seem to turn this off, and I guess is excited about doing such things in dangerous areas. While I am driving, if our son is in the room with us and we are on the couch, at dinner, at dinner in public,...at her mother's Christmas dinner with almost two dozens people and kids around us.

I love that she is so into me, and I will often drag her to a restroom or somewhere to have sex, but it is getting really close and dangerous in some situations.

How can I bring this up without upsetting her, or is this something that is appropriate to bring up?

tl;dr: Wife is constantly fondling me, even in situation where it is inappropriate

Bonzo posted:

I [16f] Told On These Girls [16f] for Smoking Weed, Now They're Bullying Me


Being a Narc is universally not cool. She should know this.

quote:

At the end of lunch I went to the principles office and I told on them, and they got called down to the office and I think they got caught with weed in one of their bags as well, and they got suspended for 2 days.

Facebook Aunt posted:

I think this is my favorite part of the story,


Kids are lighting up during school hours and have weed on school grounds and the principal is all "Fffff, I guess I have to do something since someone complained. Okay, 2 days suspension."

Gaunab posted:

quote:

So i dated this girl in hs for 2 years, then we slept together thru college. After graduating college i return to home town and see her and we become friends. She is currently dating other guy, call him mark. I move away for gradschool about august but we continue talking everyday, skyping, facetime, etc.
I come visit in november and we fool around, but we stop before piv because apparently she is still dating him (didn't know until she stops me). So i go back to gradschool and we're just friends. We keep talking, and i'm told she broke up with guy. We're going to make it official in december, and then january, and then february. Basically she won't commit.
Finally decides late march that she wants to be a couple with me. We clearly define it as exclusive dating, and that we are now in a relationship. We date for 2 months (till last wednesday) when my suspicions boil over after she gets flowers randomly one day and she tells me about it.
Turns out she never broke up with him and is now claiming that we never dated. Well i have text proof and she called me today and i recorded the call so now i have voice proof of the cheating, the extensive (8 month) lying, and the legitimacy of our relationship.
I'm a broken man here, and have been desperately trying to contact mark who has blocked me on all social media and via phone. I have been talking to his friends, but he won't talk to me. She said today in the call she told him everything, but let's not kid ourselves. She's manipulating him like she got me.
Is it unreasonable to go to his parents who he lives with? How about a letter with a pdf of texts? I'm going back to town next weekend, should i confront him at home/ after work?
Why do i want to expose her? Revenge is a factor unfortunately. But also i think he deserves way better and there's no way he's willing to stay with someone who has lied to him for so long. She isn't telling him the truth. Also i just love the idea of exposing a liar. It sucks that he is caught in the crossfire. What do i do?
TL;DR; : My ex gf dated my friend from highschool, while also starting back up a relationship with me. I have voice recordings of her confessing the allegations. Do i expose her to the public, just him, or mind my own business? What's is the most graceful way to give him the information?

quote:

This girl gaslighted and lied to me for about 9 months, and told me she let us get into a relationship to 'see if i would jump through her hoops to make it work.' I'm still kinda disgusted by her in general. I told her repeatedly after the breakup to never contact me again. I thought she would do it since she has been and continues to be in a 10 month relationship.
Added me back on snapchat. Such a small thing and i know she is just trying to slip back into my life. She doesn't deserve to talk to me. So i'll ignore it.
I just needed to vent a little, this post will probably get buried anyways.

quote:

Stuff happened in may (6ish months back) and I've been harassed by my ex since. So this is my experience of how she got around nc, and the remaining holes in my technology wall.
The first holes were closed quickly- block on facebook, block phone number, block main email she uses. Snapchat friend removed, settings made private.
The main work around: you can prevent your number from being shown when you call someone if you have an iPhone. So using this setting she can easily bypass the typical block. So now I'm stuck in nighttime mode bc this blocks everyone that isn't a contact. It's a bit extreme but if you're serious about nc I don't think you have much choice here.
I could change my number but I hope it won't come to that. I guess that's the next step.
Harassing: calling every few weeks at 2am in rapid fire mode and hanging up if I answer anyways.
I realized she isn't trying to be friendly out of good intention. I've been extremely clear with really no mixed signals that I don't want to be friends, or for her to call me. She's calling to get back at me. This is why it's imperative that the calls are blocked, so she knows that there is no effect to the calls. Not answering would mean I still get them, and force me to think about her. I'm pretty sure the calls are her way to get back at me for the breakup.

quote:

Throwaway because my friends know my reddit tag. So, yesterday my boyfriend and i started kissing in the back of his car. Our pants were off, and while we were mainly focused on oral at one point his penis was rubbing against my vagina.
It was usually near my clit, but one time he was rubbing it near the actual vagina, but there was NO penetration. However, he had precum! Is it possible im pregnant? Should i take a Plan B today to be safe?
I am a virgin in that i have never had PIV sex, by the way.
tldr: Could i get pregnant from a penis rubbing against my vagina, if the penis had precum but there was no penetration?
Update: i took the plan B 2 hours ago.

Gaunab posted:

My[M/34] wife[F/34] is touching me at inappropriate times.

Nazzadan posted:

This one is adorable.

Me [17 F] with my boyfriend [19 M] could I be pregnant without penetration?

Ride The Gravitron posted:

My [46F] daughters [20F&23F] are fighting over a guy. They got into a literal tug of war over their brother [12M] and they managed to yank his shoulder out of socket. Yet my husband is telling me it's wrong to demand they pay the medical bills.Non-Romantic

submitted 18 minutes ago by Sisters_Fighting

My daughters are in some stupid fight over some boy who let's face it. If he's slept with them both, chances are he's cheated on them with some other woman as well. So they're wasting there time on this boy and they don't want to listen to me. They've been fighting for the past month and a half.

Last night it was the twins birthday Megan and Axel, female and male twins. Megan and Axel are really close as twins usually are. My daughters got into a tug of war over Axel because they both wanted him to come with them. I did not know what was going on until Megan came and got me and said Axel is crying. I went outside and Axel was holding his right shoulder. My two daughters were trying to calm him down and I asked what happened. Megan told me what happened and how Axel was trying to get away. A 12 year old is not going to over power two 20-year-olds.

We went to the hospital and they pulled his shoulder out of socket. My husband thinks I am wrong for demanding they both pay for the medical bill, am I?

TL;DR: My husband thinks I'm wrong for demaning our daughters pay for their brothers medical bill after they hurt him.

Mirthless posted:

god damnit tabletop game nerds are The Worst

that poster's gotta be a woman, right? I can't imagine a dude being this creepy to another dude.

Nazzadan posted:

This one is adorable.

Me [17 F] with my boyfriend [19 M] could I be pregnant without penetration?

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Not sure what kind of message this fool thinks he's sending his wife when he drags her into public restrooms to bang. What does he expect? Why is he shocked that she gropes him every second?

Ride The Gravitron posted:

My (27f) roommate (40f) is acting crazy and I'm afraid to go homeNon-Romantic

Throwaway because I'm loving terrified. Sorry for formatting, on mobile.

I (27f) broke up with my ex fiancee about 4 months after we signed a new lease, so when he moved out last may, i had to find a roommate. I met this woman (40f) on the Craigslist who seemed like she would be a good fit. My dog doesn't like kids, so in the Craigslist ad, i specifically stated that i did not want a roommate with kids. She assured me that it wouldn't be a problem because her son lives with her parents. (in hindsight, this should have been a huge red flag). I still told her that he was welcome to come over anytime, because I didn't want to be an rear end in a top hat about it, but he would have to kept separated from the dog.
.......
Well, i made the mistake of telling roommate where bf and i met and that he doesnt have kids. (i am cf, but the guy that i was casually seeing before bf had a daughter, so in roommates eyes he was a good person. He wasn't a good person at all.) After hearing these things, which was a few days before xmas, she had what im pretty sure is a psychotic break. Up until I'd told her this, she had no problem with him whatsoever, except that she thought he was too quiet and shy.
.......
Since then, ive gotten hundreds and hundreds more text messages, some of them making very little sense. I seriously think she is schizophrenic or something, some of the things she yells at me are completely imaginary. Most of the messages are more harassment and threats, though. Ive been backing them up to the cloud and printing transcripts when im at work so that if i do need to go to the police, there's evidence.

Pvt.Scott posted:

"Please, no, don't drag me into strange places for enthusiastic, hot sex!"

I can relate, a little. I ain't got the highest sex drive. I'll be damned if I wouldn't give it a shot anyway. I mean, what else was I doing with my time?

quote:

Me [25 M] with my SO [24 F] 4 years, wants to quit her job and rely on my income

So, when I graduated I had a hard time finding a good job, and after working as a web developer for 3 years, I decided to quit and focus more on my twitch channel, which had started to become a real earner. I had enough saved up to basically continue the same standard of living for three months, and I knew that I could get my old job back pretty easily if anything went wrong (my boss is my brother's exgirlfriends' uncle, really cool guy, we play dota together sometimes). I talked about it at length with my SO, who was really supportive and pushed me to follow my dream.
/
After like 6 months or so, it was apparent that I was making a little more then I was at my last job, and I loved my new lifestyle. Got to sleep in late, play video games all day, basically live the dream. SO was still working, so I made sure all the housework, laundry was done whenever she came home, I cooked 5/7 nights a week, and was basically taking care of all the chores. She never had to lift a finger when she came home, and she appreciated it a lot. We had a good sex life, a little less then perfect cause of my screwed up sleeping cycle, but we had it almost daily.
/
Fast forward to a month ago. I've started to make some pretty good money from streaming, and sometimes with donations I make 4 times what I used to make in a month. I still spend a lot of time keeping up with web dev and learning more about coding, and I've started to really build my brand. I still look after the house, but SO seems to be more bitchy about everything. Last night she basically tried to bring up the idea of her quitting her job. When I asked her what she was going to do with all her free time, she just said she would ''figure something out''. I tried to explain to her that she needs to have a plan, she can't just expect to live off my money and not work. She got really angry at this, and I had to calm her down, but she kept saying stuff about how she thought I loved her and poo poo.

tl;dr quit job, made it on twitch, now boo-boo wants to quit her job and live offa me

Pick posted:

the great thing about money based on fads is that it never runs out!

quote:

My girlfriend [23F] is a famous streamer/youtuber, and the amount of attention she's getting pisses me [26M] off.

Hi r/relationships. I'm currently dating, and have been dating for three years, a famous youtuber and twitch partner. I will not be giving out anymore details because I really don't want you figuring out who she is, lol, but she does have a few thousand subs on youtube.

At first, I thought this was awesome, because who doesn't want a girlfriend who streams tons of games for fun? She's really good and she's always giving me tips when we play and it's really fun. I also love what she does and love being a part of her streams, I'm not gonna lie the attention is really nice sometimes.

The problem is, recently she got a ton of subs from our city. Despite having a few hundred thousand subscribers, she wasn't really asked for autographs or anything - not that she would, she's not exactly famous, but still no one seemed to recognise her. For no reason, everyone in our town now suddenly knows about her. Even going to the supermarket with her is Hell, because people will actually come up to her and ask her for photos and stuff. I think she's acting very humbly about it, she genuinely doesn't feel big when it happens, but it's annoying me!

I feel incredibly invisible now when around her. I've actually started to hate going out with her on dates and such, because she'll get approached SO MANY TIMES and have to take photos or just chat with her fans. I'm happy for her but I can't help but want the same kind of attention. Sometimes, she has turned them away and asked for some privacy, but she felt soo bad because at the end of the day these people are why she can do this as her job.

Is there any way to get over this? Should I just deal with it, or what? Os this a good enough reason to stop going out with her completely? I legit just want to stop doing that. Or do I really need a smack?..

TLDR, My girlfriend is a youtube and twitch partner, and has a few hundred thousand subs. She's suddenly getting a lot of attention in our city and I'm starting to hate leaving the house with her because of all her fans coming up to her. I'm jealous of the attention she's getting.

Mirthless posted:

Penetration is not a prerequisite for pregnancy. Even if the chances are incredibly remote, taking the plan B couldn't hurt. People have gotten pregnant from intercrural sex before.

scrubs season six posted:

What the fucks a crural?

scrubs season six posted:

What the fucks a crural?

Ride The Gravitron posted:

cru·ral
ˈkro͝o(ə)rəl/
adjectiveAnatomyZoology
adjective: crural

relating to the leg or the thigh.
relating to any part called “crus,” for example, the crura cerebri.

quote:

I (28m) found my girlfriend (29f) of 3 years stashes her bloody tampons in a bathroom drawer.
submitted 4 months ago by tamponsaver

I ran out of cotton balls and needed one and I looked in her drawers in the bathroom and found a bunch of used, bloody tampons. I was horrified and disgusted, I had no idea what was going on. It was so many, it looked like they'd been there for ages.

I was disgusted and when she got home I told her and asked her what the hell she was doing, saving them like that. She cringed and said "Oh sorry, I didn't know you'd see them. Don't worry, I'll throw them out."

What the gently caress? Like... what the gently caress? Is it normal for women to just shove bloody tampons in the drawer? Is there a reason for this that I don't know? She doesn't have a whole lot else in there other than tampons, and she cleaned it out after I confronted her. But I still don't understand.

I asked her why she didn't just wrap them up, and she was like "Well that wastes so much toilet paper, I always just waited until they dried out and threw them in the dumpster with my other trash."

I don't know what to do. Or think. Is this not utterly loving disgusting? What do I even SAY to her?